Kareesh Valendar / Diorye'oleal / Thief & Assassin

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1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD.	4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD.	5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title.	6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.

[Kareesh Valendar]

Name: Kareesh Valendar

Gender: Female

Age: 100 years

Race: Elf

Tribe:Diorye'oleal ("Hidden Wind Elves")

Eyes: Xazure

Hair: Nor'sidian

Height: 1 ped, 2 fores, 2 palmspans, and 1 nailsbreadth

Title: Coórís'danár

Occupation: Thief/Fence and Assassin

Appearance:
    
Clothing:

Personality:

Strengths:

Weaknesses:

History:

Belongings:

Doing a complete rewrite of Kareesh, hoping that I can finally write something for her that I'm happy with. I know she'll have to be re-approved as I'm changing pretty much everything about her. :)

[Gararion]

Man, looked at the first bit with the date and the first thing that came to mind was 6/16th, why not just call it 3/8th?  Man, I work with measurements too much!!!  Hopefully I can find tim to give it a read through when its complete.

[Pikel Thunderstone]

Your S&W have the POTENTIAL to be balanced. Elaborate a bit more on your weaknesses. explain how they hurt you a bit more and everything should be good.

**DISCLAIMER** I apologize to anyone I may have offended in the above post. I would like to assure you that was (most likely) not my goal. I would also like to assure you that the above post (again, most likely) in no way reflects the views of the Santharian boards or their webmaster, Artimidor Federkiel

[Kareesh Valendar]

Will do that tomorrow. Too tired now.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Shall I end this haunting nightmare for you?
Character Creation Help~~~My Bell to Ring

[Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels]

Quite ok, this CD. (I can't say nice to such a character..), well written and refreshingly short  (I mean that!)

My main problem lately is, that all elves are so young. With such a lifespan, they could be older, they don't rush into things. Your elf doesn't really act like an elf, but as a human would. No considering, no taking time for decisions, no developing the skills over a longer period of time.

I got a headache right now and can't decide, if something is missing here, but it looks good so far.

In your heading you should put not your title, but your occupation.  

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

[Kareesh Valendar]

Oops, I guess I should have read the headings thread a bit more carefully. *bangs self on head*

If it's a problem, Talia, I can make her older. I wanted her 25ish, but I can make her older if it's going to a problem.

As for the way she acts, I want her to act like that 'cause it kinda shows her hatred for where she came from and the like.  

Shall I end this haunting nightmare for you?
Character Creation Help~~~My Bell to Ring

[Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels]

It is not really a problem, Kareesh, more a sigh that many elves seem to act like humans..

I'll go through your history and try to point out, what I mean.




There was a large storm brewing on the night that Kareesh Valendar was born. The wind caused the waves to crash against the docks at Naurooth. Her parents were fishers, but they were given leave because of her mother's pregnancy.

When Kareesh was 9 years old, her parents had to go upon a fishing ship to get more food. Kareesh was to stay at the neighbor's house till they returned. They promised their "linen ava" that they would return either latter that night, or early the next day. Little Kareesh waited and waited.

To make the loss and Kareesh reaction, her disappointment a bit clearer, say a few words about the love between the three. Maybe invent a grandfather which Kareesh loved and which died at sea as well. Kareesh is now afraid, that this will happen to her parents as well. Now let  the parents promise the girl, that this will not happen to them, that they will always care for her, that they will not sail out too far etc

It wasn't till 2 days later that Kareesh would hear anything about her parents. It seems that their boat had gone out too far and had got caught in a sea-storm. Kareesh refused to believe it and ran away from the people who were keeping her.

I think this running away immediately is very human-like, and elf would consider all possibilites first, even as a child. Maybe the neighbouring takes her in first and dissappears as well after a year or so - and now Kareesh is left alone for the third time, still being too young to really comprehend, that the adults didn‘t do it on purpose. Describe her feelings, that she first thinks it is her fault, that she is not nice, lovely etc and as a self-protection she starts to hate the woman, the parents and finally the grandfather?

From that moment on, she lived in the streets. At first, she didn't want to believe that her parents were dead. Then, as time progressed, she began to believe that her parents had intentionally left her, and they just told her a lie so that she wouldn't feel as bad. By the time she was 17, Kareesh began to hate everyone around her, believing that they were part of the huge lie that her parents had started.

Tell us a bit more about the life on the street, how difficult is was in the beginning, that somewhere helped her, but she found out, that it was only for his own advantage?
As an elf she will ust need more time to comprend it, stay longer with the people who misuse her.

The years passed and Kareesh became involved in the gangs of the city. She began running into trouble with the authorities and was sentenced to several nights in the jail.
Tell us about how she was left alone, how someone betrayed her, that a guard treated her unfair
While she was in these gangs, she stole several items, which included a dagger that she started to teach herself how to use.

When she was 31 years old, Kareesh began to rebel against the gang she was in at the time. She even challenged the gang leader to a fight, but she lost. The leader spared her life for he had other uses for her. It was his intent to rape her that night, then rid her if she was a problem. The next morining, the leader was found tied to his bed, stark naked, a rope drawn tightly around his neck and his prized rapier jutting out of his chest.

Kareesh left her home town and went to wandering the land of Sarvonia.
Where to did she go?
Before she traveled very far, she bought a jar of Juk'lan dye which she used to dye her hair a dark brown. Yet, because she had never done this before, and since she didn't have anything which she could use as a mirror, there were several strands which remained her natural blonde.

She made her way from Northern Sarvonia to the South, robbing and killing as she went.
Wy comes killing suddenly so easy to her, why is she so successful? Did she learn it in the gangs?
She works alone and either bullies or kills those who stand in her way. If one wants her service, the best place to look for her is in a dark corner in the local tavern.

Tell us some more about her inner desperation, about her hate  - and maybe about the longing for love?

Generally, no rapid changes in what she is doing currently.

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

[Kareesh Valendar]

Bump. ^^

[Thorgas Ironforge]

Hey Kar-kar Just a few spelling errors and non santharian stuff in you CD.
Commenting in the fiery color ofred.

Name: Kareesh Valendar

Gender: Female

Age: 144

Race: Elf

Tribes: Arthyron

Eyes: Green

Hair: Dark brown (dyed) with natural blonde streaks

Height: A few palmspans shorter then 2 peds

Title:Hatred's Fury

Occupation: Thief/hired Assassin

Appearance:
     ~Overall: She is tall and thin, with only the slightest hint of any curves. Unlike others from her tribe, she does not have the weathered look, as she has never been on a sea voyage. Her stance is that of someone who could care less. Usually one hip is cocked to the side and her arms are crossed over her chest.
     
    ~Face: Her eyes are a fierce emerald green that burn with a hatred of her past and any living thing that stands between her and what she wants to do. Her cheekbones are high, thus adding to the look of sterness that is usually seen upon her face. Her ears are sharply pointed, yet they don't go back very far, perhaps only an inch(No inches.) or two longer then a humans.

Her hair has been dyed black with the dye made from the Juk'lan shrub, yet, because she did it herself, she still has a few strands of her natural blonde hair. Usually, she pulls her hair back into a pony-tail so it doesn't get in her way while she's working. When it's let down, the ends are very jagged, which is proof that Kareesh won't let anyone touch her. It hangs down to the middle of her back, and whenever it gets too long, she takes her dagger and cuts it herself.

     ~Body: As mentioned before, there is only the slightest hints of curves about her body. Her breasts are small, but firm and round. She has a flat stomach but curves out slightly for her hips. Across her body are several scars from several incidents. Most of these are hidden by her clothes, yet a few can be seen on her hands.

Clothing: Her clothes are pretty simple, yet they serve their purpose well. She wears a plain, black long-sleeved shirt. At the end of the sleeves is a string that goes around her middle fingers. For her pants, she wears simple black garb, that fits to(remove 'to') her form tightly. The reason that she wears tight clothes is not to show off her body, but rather so that the cloth won't catch when she's trying to sneak into someone's home or running from the authorities.

Personality: Because of her past, she is a very reclusive person. She stays quiet, yet observant of her surroundings. Quick to anger, yet only if comments are directed at her; she could care less about what anyone says about anyone else. Hatred is one of her main personality traits; this, too, comes from her past.

Strengths:

~ Pretty good at thieving. Has successfully broken into and stolen a few items from houses without being caught.

~ Pretty decent with a dagger. She stole one at a young age and has been teaching herself how to use it. Her skills aren't exceptional, but definently(definitely) better then the average person.

Weaknesses:

~ Independent. She will not accept anyone's help, whether for good or for bad. This has gotten her into trouble because she has been in several situations where several people have offered to help her, but she refused.

~ Untrusting. She does not trust anyone, thus, she does not have a lot of friends. This has gotten her into several situations where a friend or ally could have been made, but in fact, the opposite happened.

~ Sharp tongue. Because of her rudeness, she has gotten many a sharp pain from a whip or other such object by the authorities. She cares not who she offends, just as long as her point has been made.

History:

There was a large storm brewing on the night that Kareesh Valendar was born. The wind caused the waves to crash against the docks at Naurooth. Her parents were fishers, but they were given leave because of her mother's pregnancy.

When Kareesh was 9 years old, her parents had to go upon a fishing ship to get more food. Kareesh was to stay at the neighbor's house till they returned. They promised their "linen ava" that they would return either latter that night, or early the next day. Little Kareesh waited and waited.

It wasn't till 2 days later that Kareesh would hear anything about her parents. It seems that their boat had gone out too far and had got caught in a sea-storm. Kareesh refused to believe it and ran away from the people who were keeping her.

From that moment on, she lived in the streets. At first, she didn't want to believe that her parents were dead. Then, as time progressed, she began to believe that her parents had intentionally left her, and they just told her a lie so that she wouldn't feel as bad. By the time she was 17, Kareesh began to hate everyone around her, believing that they were part of the huge lie that her parents had started.

The years passed and Kareesh became involved in the gangs of the city. She began running into trouble with the authorities and was sentenced to several nights in the jail. While she was in these gangs, she stole several items, which included a dagger that she started to teach herself how to use.

When she was 31 years old, Kareesh began to rebel against the gang she was in at the time. She even challenged the gang leader to a fight, but she lost. The leader spared her life for he had other uses for her. It was his intent to rape her that night, then rid her if she was a problem. The next morining, the leader was found tied to his bed, stark naked, a rope drawn tightly around his neck and his prized rapier jutting out of his chest.

Kareesh left her home town and went to wandering the land of Sarvonia. Before she traveled very far, she bought a jar of Juk'lan dye which she used to dye her hair a dark brown. Yet, because she had never done this before, and since she didn't have anything which she could use as a mirror, there were several strands which remained her natural blonde.

She made her way from Northern Sarvonia to the South, robbing and killing as she went. She works alone and either bullies or kills those who stand in her way. If one wants her service, the best place to look for her is in a dark corner in the local tavern.

Companion(s): She travels alone, for it is this way that she prefers.

Belongings: Her clothing, a dagger, a small leather bag which she keeps stolen goods, a black cloak, a pouch which she keeps assorted items in (usually stuff to help her steal and kill).

I did not make any comments on your history, as the Lady Sturmwind had already approved it. Just those few errors and this should be moved back into the archives.

Have a nice day. 

[Drasil Razorfang]

IMHO, it all looks pretty good(of course) and everything seems to be straight factually.  Besides the few errors that Thorgas pointed out, I could only find one other small issue regarding your strengths and weaknesses.

It seems your Strengths(in particular) could benefit from a personality quirk, ect.

[Thorgas Ironforge]

Hey Kali, Kar-kar's CD should be moved back to the archives.

[Thorgas Ironforge]

If other CD mods have nothing to say to a good CD such as this, then I'll move this back to the archives.

[Vesk Lyricahl]

Thorg, her CD has been rewritten, so it needs two approvals again. And she wants a different title, so she'll have to be titled again.

That being said, she has my approval. Does she have yours? You didn't actually state that she did, so I'm wondering.

[Thorgas Ironforge]

Oh. I thought she just added somethings.

Of course she has my approval. No questions asked.

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

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