* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Calendar Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Embed Maximize


Newbies, read these!

Character Creation
FAQs
Restrictions

Main Site
Portraits
Rules
Story Creation
Racial Crossbreeding
Magic

Contact
Tips and Tricks
IRC Chat
Measures Converter
Elven Aging Calculator
Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Down
Print
Author Topic: Daron Soulstealer / Erpheronion / Immortal Avenger  (Read 10433 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Daron Soulstealer
Immortal Avenger
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 47


Human, Erpheronian


« on: August 08, 2007, 03:23:44 PM »

Name: Daron Soulstealer (Egan Ratsbane)
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Race: Human
Tribe: Erpheronian
Title: Immortal Avenger
Occupation: Con artist

Overview: This unassuming young man has found the role of a lifetime.  Unfortunately, he wasn't looking for one.  From con man to hero, he must now live up to the reputation that has fallen on him quite unexpectantly.  To do any less could very well mean his life.

Height:  1 Ped, 2 Fores, 2 Palmspans

Weight: 1 Pygge, 9 Hebs

Hair color: dark brown

Eye Color: blue

Physical Appearance: Egan is a tall man, though his build in not overly large.  He has dark brown hair that he keeps cut short, with a smattering of grey that makes him appear older than he is.  He has full lips and soft doe eyes with long, thick lashes that would look more appropriate on a girl, but create a smoldering sensuality on him, and dimples appear when he smiles.  His teeth are not perfectly straight, but they are healthy, which translates to a pleasant smile.

He has long limbs, well toned and graceful.  His fore arms are scarred with small marks, scratches mostly, but with some thicker, self inflicted wounds.  Above his left breast, he also carries a scar, this one from a tree limb that he nearly impaled himself on as a youth, and a long scar across his abdomen, from an accident where he fell, and sliced himself deeply.

Clothing: He wears a black shirt and breeches combination, with pearl buttons and gold cuff links.  His black leather boots are hand tooled with ivy patterns, with silver tips on the toe.  He has a wide brimmed black hat, and a large eagle feather protruding from it.  Over this he wears a black cape, during inclement weather.

Personality: Egan grew up in a poor environment.  This caused him to always dream of more.  But, unlike most people who strove to better themselves, Egan had the notion that the world somehow owed him a better life.  It was bad enough that his father had died while he was just a child, but his mother had abandoned him as well.  From 10 years old, he lived with his grandparents who loved him dearly, but by then, his attitude was too set within himself to change.

To him, the answer was obvious: he was poor; therefore what he desired had to be money.  It was not his fault that he was poor, it was a circumstance of birth, and therefore, if it was not his fault, then he should not have to be the one to change his circumstance.  Hard work was not the answer.  Besides, his grandfather had been a hardworking man all his life, and what did he have to show for it?  Nothing.  And his father, another hardworking man?  Just an early grave.  No, society owed him a life better than that, and if it was not going to give it to him, he would take it.  This was what drove him into the life of crime that he started.  He desperately needed to quench that thirst.

Egan had a hard time connecting to others, even his grandparents.  Though he knew they adored him, it was not enough.  There was a thirst within him, a hunger for something that he did not know.  Growing up, he tried to keep this concealed from his grandparents, so he learned to hide his emotions, to act one way while thinking and feeling something completely different.  It hurt so badly, that in order to stave off the hurt in his heart and mind, he would often use a sharp blade and cut deep wounds into his flesh, from his shoulders to his wrists, there were wounds up to a palmspan in length.  He would transfer the mental anguish to physical pain, and physical pain could be overcome.  It could be endured and dealt with.  He would hide these wounds, and should one ever be seen, it was passed off as a result of his job as a rat catcher, or caused by playing with his ferrets.

The ferrets were the only pleasure he took as a youth.  His grandfather allowed him to take a baby ferret from a new litter that was born, but Egan insisted that one was not enough.  He convinced his grandmother that he should have 3, and she in turn convinced his grandfather.  He named them Jacob Xavier, Jacob Vladimir, and Jacob Bartholomew, for no real reason than his own misguided sense of humour.  These pets alone kept Egan from falling into a deep well of despair that may have swallowed him whole otherwise.  They gave him pleasure, they made him smile.

That was how he viewed the world as he grew up.  Now, however, things have changed, somewhat.  Egan has felt a feeling that he had never felt before; pride.  True, it was pride based off the reputation that was not his own, and the actions that were more accidental than planned, but it was a glimmer of something foreign.  And it felt good.  Perhaps he was now maturing into the man he was to become.  Egan realized that something more was available to him that he had never considered before.  And this was respect.  No one respected a rat catcher, and no one respected a thief or a con man.  But, they did respect Daron, and Egan liked how that felt.  The only thing that would taste as sweet, perhaps even better, would be if they respected him.  Maybe not as Egan, but him as Daron, his deeds as Daron.  This is how he now wishes to live his life, but noble desires are not as easily reached as one might hope.  And there still is much of Egan left in Daron, something that he has vowed to himself to fight.  It will not be easy, he knows, but he will try.  For himself, for his father, and for his grandparents.
         
Strength:

* His cunning mind, Egan has learned to find the best way to preserve himself.  This usually includes conning other people into doing, or giving him, what he wants.

* Daron's reputation.  Now that Egan is Daron, simply allowing others to believe that is who he is has opened up many a free meal, and cash rewards

Weakness:

* Daron's reputation.  Now that he is Daron, others expect him to act like Daron.  Unfortunately, Egan knows none of the skills that Daron is famous for.

* Scared of Rats.  Even though his family hunted them for a living, he could not get past their disgusting qualities.

* Afraid of Spiders.  He is terrified of these little critters, from his stay in the jail.

* Afraid of Snakes.  More of the creepy crawlies that scare the begeebies out of him.

* Daron's killers.  There is someone out there that is hunting him, though Egan knows not who, nor why.

* Egans past.  Fievaluhn Cordohse is determined to make Egan pay for swindling him, and has hired men to search for Egan and bring him back…dead or alive.

* Has an insane fear of his bellybutton.  After a horrific accident (to him) as a child, he has an unnatural fear of his belly button being touched, so it rarely gets cleaned.  As well, the sight of another belly button being touched gives him the heebie jeebies.

History: He was born Egan Ratsbane, in the city of Santhala.  When he was 8 years old, he was playing with a long sharpened pin his mother had.  He was throwing it at sticks that he used for toy soldiers, using the pin as an arrow, killing off his make believe army one by one.  Unfortunately, with one throw, the pin hit awkwardly and bounced back, hitting him right in the belly button.  Strangely enough, the pain did not register in his belly button, but rather, the end of his wee willy felt like it exploded.  The boy was traumatized, and from that point forward he could not bring himself to touch his belly button, nor to look at another touching theirs.

His father died when he was 9 years old, after a long illness, and his mother had become a streetwalker to pay the bills.  However, the more she did this, the more she began to drink, and the more she began to resent her only child.  One day, she just never came home, and Egan was taken in by his mother’s family, her parents.

His grandparents were good people, who tried their best to raise Egan properly, but he had already formed a cynical outlook on the world, and he did not come around to the way of life they tried to instill in him.  His grandfather worked for the city, hunting rats in the sewer and poorer sections of the city, earning only a few sans for every sack of rats brought in.  Egan was trained by the old man to follow in his footsteps, but like everything else, rats scared him.  They were dirty, disgusting creatures, and it made him tremble to touch one.  The only part of this time of his life that he enjoyed was his time with the ferrets.  They were his only companions, his only friends. He had three of them, Jacob Xavier, Jacob Bartholomew, and Jacob Vladimir.  Of the three Bart was the one that he bonded with best.  Using bits of apple, or sometimes cheese, he would get Bart to fetch shiny objects, using the food as a reward for acts done right.  It did not take long for Bart to become quite adept at stealing things, sometimes even when Egan did not want him too.

It did not take long for Egan to tire of the routine of rat catching.  He would set the ferrets loose to catch the vermin, but he would go in search of adventure.  He learned that stealing was a way for him to get the things that he wanted, like food from merchants on the street, and cheap jewelry from shops.  He often would take Bart with him, and use him to gather the items for him, while he would engage the merchant in conversation, distracting them from the ferret’s criminal activities.  Later, he would go back to Vlad and Jake and collect the rats that they had killed.

Unfortunately, Egan was caught twice for his nefarious dealings.  The first time, the city guard who caught him, beat him black and blue, then he was delivered back to his grandparents.  The old man, distraught over the entire episode, beat Egan with a willow branch.  Though he apologized later, Egan never forgot the beating, nor did he forgive it.

The second time Egan was caught; he stumbled while out running a city guard, and trying to climb a picket fence.  He was badly cut across his abdomen, which left a nasty scar.  This time, Egan was not sent back to his grandparents.  As he was now 16, he was sent to the city jails.  For the boy who was scared of rats, this was a nightmarish time in his life.  The jail cells were down in an abandoned sewer area.  The smell was atrocious, and the rats would brazenly steal food from the weakened prisoners, and would often bite those who tried to shoo them away.  Egan desperately missed his ferrets, which might have saved him from the rats.  Add to this the numerous spiders, and Egan was constantly frightened.

It was during the horrors of this six month period that Egan met a fellow prisoner, Abel Manthros.  Abel was in jail for several con jobs that he had orchestrated in the city.  He took an instant liking to the boy, and provided some much desired company and protection to the youth.  He also proved to be a mentor to Egan, going into detail the art of the con.  He also gave Egan the names of some people on the outside that Egan should get in touch with, to help him in this new venture.  As Abel put it, thievery was great risk with little pay-off, while a good con could result in a great pay-off for relatively little risk.  To his detriment, Egan never questioned Abel on his 20 year sentence.  Perhaps if he had, he might not have thought it a good idea.

When he was released, Egan first went home to collect his ferrets, and to tell his grandparent that he would not be returning.  He was off to make his fortune elsewhere, and he put their pleas to the back of his mind.  He was going to be a man now.  He was 17, and it was time to make his dreams come true.

Egan followed Abel’s instructions, and found a man named Josiah Freeman, and his band of con men.  To Egan’s surprise, they were expecting him.  Almost immediately, they put him to work.  There was a rich noble that they were targeting as a mark, and they needed him to get close to the man.  His name was Fievaluhn Cordohse, and he was a very powerful man in Santhala.  It was Egan’s job to pose as Cordohse’s nephew, who the old man had never met.  When he was established in the Cordohse household, he was then to get the man to invest money in a business venture with Freeman, and once done, they would all disappear, with the investment money.  All went according to plan, except that when Egan went to join the group, they had left without him.  Moreover, they left word with Cordohse that Egan had been involved.  Cordohse vowed revenge, and hired men to track down all of the conspirators and bring them back for private and excruciating justice.

Packing no more than he could steal in one evening, Egan headed south.  He needed to get out of the city.  Of course, he brought Jake, Vlad and Bart with him.  After traveling for a time, he found himself on the edge of the Zeiphyrian Forest.  Having no wilderness experience, he hesitated to enter, but he had no real choice.  He knew that Cordohse would never give up looking for him.

It did not take long for Daron to get hopelessly lost.  One tree looked just like another.  As he wandered, he came across the body of a male, an elf by look of him.  (Okay, ooc moment.  Things like this happen.  Call it fate, call it luck, a serendipitous moment if you will, but it happened, just this way.  I saw it all.  Ask why superman fell to earth, why the spider bit peter parker, why batman’s parents were murdered.  Chance is always a life altering event.)

Assuming the elf was dead; Egan saw no problem with checking the pockets.  The elf was no longer going to need any coins, and such.  As he searched the body, Egan was surprised when the elf’s eyes opened and his hand gripped Egan’s wrist.  The elf began to talk, but it was in a language that Egan did not understand.  The elf seemed to notice this, and he began to speak in Tharian, though his voice was laboured and weak.

"I am Daron Soulstealer.  I am dying.  I want- I NEED you to help me.  Promise me that you will do my final bidding."

Thinking that the elf was going to ask to be buried, Egan consented.  After all, it was the least he could do.  He was startled in that he had heard of Daron Soulstealer before, though to be honest, he had thought him a fairy tale; a story for children.  He was a man that helped people in need, a hero that fought evil and distributed justice for the poor.  But he could not be real, for he was a legend that was at least 300 years old.  Besides, none of the stories described Daron Soulstealer as an elf.

"My task on this world is not yet done.  I am still needed.  Daron is still needed.  I have spent 400 years correcting the evils of this world, fighting the injustices that men perpetrate on each other.  You are a young and somewhat silly race, but you are a race with much potential.  I have given up my place in my tribe to help you achieve your potential.  To this end, I have no regrets.  It is what Ava' has willed.

"You shall be the new Daron Soulstealer.  It was the name of which I took, and it has served me well.  I give it now to you, as well as my clothes, and my weapons.  All I ask is that you carry on my mission.  Bring justice to your people.  Bring goodness.  But beware, for I have enemies.  There are many who would exact revenge on me, and alas, one has, though I have not the name of the one who has killed me.  Poisoned I am, and I shall be soon dead.”

At first, Egan balked at the elf's request, but Daron was firm, squeezing Egan's wrist until the young man agreed.  Then the elf passed away.  True to his word, Egan buried the elf, and then he took the elf's wardrobe, which was finer than any clothes he had ever owned, and the elf's weapons, which were the best he had ever seen.  There was no point in leaving these things.  He might be able to sell the weapons later for a good price, for they were of exquisite design, though he knew little of weapons.  The clothes he would wear, for he had been wearing clothes given to him by Cordohse, and the change might fool those looking for him.

Of course, Egan had no plans on carrying on the elf's mission.  That would be insane, let alone completely contrary to his personal motto of "less work the better".  And anyway, how could he step into the role of Daron Soulstealer?  He didn’t know how to properly use any of the weapons, and would probably cut his own arm off with one.  So, after eating the last of the elf's food, he rested for the night.

The next day still saw him lost, but in his wanderings, he came across a trail.  With nothing to lose, he followed it.  It was not long that a wagon carrying a young couple and their three children passed by.  Egan saw an opportunity, and began to con his way into a ride.  At first the couple was hesitant, after all, they had no idea who he was, and there were always stories of thieves preying on travelers.  Desperate, Egan introduced himself as Daron Soulstealer.

Wide-eyed, the couple whispered together for a moment, and before he knew it, Egan was in the wagon, enjoying cider and eating cold meat.  It was then that he saw the potential of the name.  If being Daron was this rewarding, then Daron was who he would be.  Several nights later, while gathered about the campfire, and Egan fully stuffed from the young wife's cooking, he regaled them with stories of his daring do as Daron.  It seemed no matter how outrageous the lie, they would sit there and ooh, and ahh at every word.

Just as they were about to turn in for the night, two large figures stepped from the shadows, brandishing clubs.  The leader of the men demanded everything that was of valuable, with long leering glances at the young wife.  It was obvious that this was going to end badly.  To Egan's complete horror, the children began berating the thugs, telling them that they had run across no other than the great Daron Soulstealer.

The thugs looked Egan up and down, sizing up the man.  This man definitely could not be the man they heard such stories of.  The leader of the thugs stepped forward, a murderous glint in his eye.  He knew exactly how to deal with heroes.

Panicked, Egan grabbed at the Shamshir at his side, desperately trying to pull it from its scabbard.  At the same time he took a step back from the approaching thug.  Unfortunately, Egan's foot caught an exposed root and he fell backward, as he did, the Shamshir sprung loose and waved in front of him as he fell.  As he fell, he heard a whistle pass by his ear, and felt his sword hit something in mid air.

Egan landed with a thud, and scrambled to his feet quickly, in his mind, he wondered why he was not already dead.  To his amazement, he saw that the leader of the thugs was standing with a crossbow quarrel embedded in his chest.  With a gurgle, the big man dropped to the ground.  The second man, his mouth agape, looked into the bushes, to his hidden accomplice.  Apparently, all the tales they had heard of Daron Soulstealer were true.   Not willing to give up their lives, they both took off as fast as their legs could take them.

It took Egan a moment to realize what had happened.  He had fallen at the same moment that a third thug who had been hiding in the bushes had fired a crossbow at him, trying to kill him from a place of secrecy.  When he fell, the quarrel barely missed him, but his shamshir flailing in the air deflected the quarrel’s flight, turning it toward the leader of the thugs.  The gods were watching out for him.  There was no other explanation that Egan could devise for that miraculous escape.

The family was understandably grateful, and in the days ahead, when they reached the city of Marcogg, they told all who would listen about Daron's heroic stand against the three thugs.  With every telling, the truth got more and more stretched, and for a week, Egan had not to buy one meal, or one drink.  He was a hero.

It was then that Egan awoke one night in a cold sweat.  He had dreamed that the elf had visited him and had rebuked him for not continuing his mission.  The more that Egan thought about the dream, the more he came to realize that he needed to become Daron.  It was why the gods had saved him.  It was why he had found the elf in the first place.

Egan was no more, and Daron was reborn.  He would try to do what he had vowed to the elf that he would do.

But this meant that he would need to travel far from here.  Daron was too well known here.  Someone would know what Daron looked like, or that Daron was an elf.  No, the myth of Daron was an old one, 400 years, if the elf's tale was true, but surprisingly, most of these tales dealt with his deeds, and not of his race or his looks.  All he needed to do was get away from here, but to a place that Daron was known, and he could live life easily.  He would trade on the name for his lively hood, and if that reputation could help someone, then so much the better.

And so, Daron Soulstealer left Marcogg.


Weapons:   Daron carries a Shamshir, intricately etched with ivy vines and leaves along the blade.  The pommel is inlaid with gold filigree in the pattern of a snake wound around the pommel.  He also carries 2 throwing daggers, designed to match the sword.  They are beautiful weapons, all; unfortunately, he knows not how to wield any of them.

Belongings: Nothing more than his weapons and the clothes on his back.

Familiars:  Three male ferrets, Jacob Xavier, Jacob Vladimir and Jacob Bartholomew, commonly known as Jake, Vlad, and Bart.  These are bandit ferrets that he has raised from pups from his father’s rat hunting ferret pack.  They love to catch rats, and the odd cat.  They are friendly, and they are perhaps, the only creatures in the world that Daron loves as much as himself.  They are from the same litter, thus are brothers.  Jake is the largest one, while Vlad was the runt of the litter and is still the smallest by far.  While each of these two ferrets is outgoing, excitable, and inquisitive, Bart is the one that almost never leaves Daron’s side.  As well, Bart is the one that has been trained to steal small items.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2007, 01:13:54 AM by Daron Soulstealer » Logged

Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2007, 03:42:23 PM »

To me, there are just a lot of holes here. I go "huh?!" a lot, especially during the History where some things just didn't line up just right or made any sense.

I would suggest adding more detail. Makes sure the Who's, What's, When's, Where's, Why's and How's are explained properly
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Daron Soulstealer
Immortal Avenger
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 47


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2007, 04:07:57 PM »

Any specifics?  It's a pretty long CD already.  Where do these more details need to go, and I will clear up any confusions. grin  I am here to please.
Logged

Alassiel Telrúnya
Temperamental Bard
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1728


Elf, Ak’váth’rhím / Injerín


« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2007, 05:41:18 PM »

Call this long? Hah! You're definitely a newbie. :P My advice is to go to the Approved Characters II forum, and look at their phrasing, and how they describe things and make their CDs detailed and pleasant to read.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 05:44:06 PM by Alassiel Telrúnya » Logged

Thorgas Ironforge
Ironforge Pyromancer
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1540


Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2007, 05:46:45 PM »

I'll check this CD once the "gaps" have been "filled". :D

I consider this a long CD, Alassiel. Also, instead of measuring the length of his CD, why don't you check it for errors? an extra hand (or a pair of eyes) is always welcome.
Logged

A weak mind is a deadly foe.
Thorgas Ironforge
Buri
Thorgas' theme song
Alassiel Telrúnya
Temperamental Bard
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1728


Elf, Ak’váth’rhím / Injerín


« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2007, 05:50:58 PM »

Like you, I was going to check it "once the gaps had been filled". But seeing as you're gonna check it anyway, I won't. I don't want to repeat the same things you're going to say. As for how long it was, we are all entitled to our own opinions. Aren't we? :)

@ Daron: Sorry if I have offended you in any way. Obviously your CD is not short.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 05:52:00 PM by Alassiel Telrúnya » Logged

Rainier
Shadow Ranger
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 286


Elf, Tiraelhon/ Eophyrhim


« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2007, 07:28:38 PM »

Like everyone said there are alot of gaps so i cant really comment to much but i will say that you need to put more in you apperance so that everyone can really invision your character as it is now its just to short with not enough detail.

I am only a newbie however so you dont have to listen to my suggestions.
Logged

The sword is a weapon for killing...the art of the sword...is the art of killing.  No matter what fancy words..you use...or what titles you put to it...that is the only truth  -Rurouni Kenshin  Raniers CD
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2007, 02:01:20 AM »

For one, more detail on the previous Daron. And just *happening* to stumble over him seems a bit...unrealistic. I would think there would be more things leading up to meeting such a man with a proclaimed reputation.

The history to me just lacks depth of information in general. You skip around to events with no real lead up to them. The events just... happen for no real apparent reason.  Undecided

« Last Edit: August 09, 2007, 02:03:55 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Khel
Unbound Rogue
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1412


Human, Eyelian


« Reply #8 on: August 09, 2007, 08:46:47 AM »

I honestly don't think its all that confusing. Seems to me the only things that need to be lengthened are the appearance, clothing, etc.

Although Kalina has a point about stumbling across a man within a large forest... that could need some more explanation.

Maybe a suggestion is to have separate little descriptions for Egan and then for Daron?
Also, possibly add more time frames. Six months in jail, but if he's 23 now, how old was he when he was thrown in? Then, how long was he travelling before hitting the forest he found the elf in? That may help to make the time frame clearer.

Oh yeah, maybe you could explain a bit more about the man of "considerable influence" that's hunting him. Seems a little vague and its only mentioned in passing.

Other than that, I am following the plot line in the history pretty well, and I think this is a great concept  :)
Logged

..tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. -asw
Your pal, Khel
Samiel Simoom
New Santharian

Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 26


« Reply #9 on: August 09, 2007, 12:23:58 PM »

I thought it was a great CD. It was very reminiscent to the great David Brin novella The Postman which won a Hugo award and was voted the best Science Fiction novel of 1986. The character in the Postman was very similar: a loner, con man and opportunist. Instead of meeting a dying elf in the woods that gives him his belongings if he promises to complete his quest. He finds a dead body steals its clothes and starts a con of being a Postman sent by the new government in order to get food and shelter from a poor community. Only his con becomes bigger than he expected.

Something that might flesh out his past life a little, would be to have a link to it in the new persona. I was thinking since he was a ratter that was afraid of rats that giving him some rat terriers or ferrets would be a great link to his past, and a way to explain how a ratter can work and be terrified of rats. Also he seems a bit lazy and having a dog or ferrets would take all the real work out of his job.

In the personality section you intimated that he was an opportunist, user, survivor... "people were a means to an end." You could expand on that and marry it into his easy transition into being a con.

His personality needs to have a gregarious quality whether sincere or fake. The way his personality reads now, he isn't a very endearing guy and a con should be approachable and likeable.

All in all, I think it is a very cool story.
Logged
Daron Soulstealer
Immortal Avenger
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 47


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2007, 02:13:28 PM »

Uhm..never read the book, but I have seen the Kevin Costner movie...i liked it.  I see the comparison, though in Egans case, his altar ego is already a hero, where Costner (the Postman) created the hero.

Actually, Samiel, what you suggest is what I should have done, but I took a shortcut, and now I look like a hack writer.  I was gonna basically do 2 CD's in one...each having their own section until their 2 lives merge.  I will do that this weekend when I'm not working, and I promise to spend some real time on it and clear up the "gaps".

Thank you Khel and Samiel for the encouragement.  Alessial, there was no offense taken.

To the rest, I will vastly improve the CD and fill in the gaps.
Logged

Daron Soulstealer
Immortal Avenger
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 47


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2007, 11:45:02 AM »

I have reworked the first half of my CD, up to History.  I have not coloured it, as it was nearly a complete reworking and there would not have been enough left that was white to make it worth it.  I hope this is better.  I will be reworking the History and later catagories immediately.  Will probably have it posted later tonight or tomorrow.

Sorry Thorgas, filling the gaps has lengthened the CD, so it means more work for you I'm afraid.  Course, you could always get Buri to help.
Logged

Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
Adventurer
Admin
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 7033


Human, Remusian


« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2007, 11:48:50 AM »

Actually, I think it was Khel that suggested the 2 CD in one idea. grin
Logged

Favorite Cartoon Quotes
"It was a dark and stormy night."  - Snoopy
"Ack!" - Bill the Cat
"I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinski." - President Bill Clinton

My Character can be viewed @Angelina Jolie's house.  But knock first, in case I'm in my underwear.
Twén Aråerwén
Death's Mistress
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 4928


Elf, Ifer’hém


« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2007, 11:51:28 AM »

Just an observation I have but this might lead to some misunderstanding in the future. Your choice for an avatar is already in use by: Miraran Tehuriden. He uses this particular av on both areas of the boards.
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen
Logged

•º•The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon, •º•
•º•ancient and full of death.•º•
_.·´¯) Twén Aråerwén's CD(¯`·._
Thorgas Ironforge
Ironforge Pyromancer
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1540


Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #14 on: August 11, 2007, 12:29:00 PM »

Nooo, extra work for me! LOL
Buri is sleeping as usual, so I'll be checking your CD, in the fiery color of red.



Name: Daron Soulstealer (Egan Ratsbane)
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Race: Human
Tribe: Erphoronian(Erpheronian)
Title: Immortal Avenger
Occupation: Con artist

Overview: This unassuming young man has found the role of a lifetime.  Unfortunately, he wasn't looking for one.  From con man to hero, he must now live up to the reputation that has fallen on him quite un-expectantly(in-expectedly).  To do any less could very well mean his life.

Height:  1 Ped, 2 Fores, 2 Palmspans

Weight: 1 Pygge, 9 Hebs

Hair color: dark brown

Eye Color: blue

Physical Appearance: Egan is a tall man, though his build in not overly large.  He has dark brown hair that he keeps cut short, with a smattering of grey that makes him appear older than he is.  He has full lips and soft doe eyes with long, thick lashes that would look more appropriate on a girl, but create a smoldering sensuality on him, and dimples appear when he smiles.  His teeth are not perfectly straight, but they are healthy, which translates to a pleasant smile. 

He has long limbs, well toned and graceful.  His fore arms are scarred with small marks, scratches mostly, but with some thicker, self inflicted wounds.  Above his left breast, he also carries a scar, this one from a tree limb that he nearly impaled himself on as a youth, and a long scar across his abdomen, from an accident where he fell, and sliced himself deeply. 

Clothing: He wears a black shirt and breeches combination, with pearl buttons and gold cufflinks.  His black leather boots are hand tooled with ivy patters(patterns), with silver tips on the toe.  He has a wide brimmed black hat, and a large eagle feather protruding from it.  Over this he wears a black cape, during inclement weather.

Personality: Egan grew up in a poor environment.  This caused him to always dream of more.  But, unlike most people who strove to better themselves, Egan had the notion that the world somehow owed him a better life.  It was bad enough that his father had died while he was just a child, but his mother had abandoned him as well.  From 10 years old, he lived with his grandparents who loved him dearly, but by then, his attitude was too set within himself to change.

To him, the answer was obvious: he was poor; therefore what he desired had to be money.  It was not his fault that he was poor, it was a circumstance of birth, and therefore, if it was not his fault, then he should not have to be the one to change his circumstance.  Hard work was not the answer.  Besides, his grandfather had been a hardworking man all his life, and what did he have to show for it?  Nothing.  And his father, another hardworking man?  Just an early grave.  No, society owed him a life better than that, and if it was not going to give it to him, he would take it.  This was what drove him into the life of crime that he started.  He desperately needed to quench that thirst.

Egan had a hard time connecting to others, even his grandparents.  Though he knew they adored him, it was not enough.  There was a thirst within him, a hunger for something that he did not know.  Growing up, he tried to keep this concealed from his grandparents, so he learned to hide his emotions, to act one way while thinking and feeling something completely different.  It hurt so badly, that in order to stave off the hurt in his heart and mind, he would often use a sharp blade and cut deep wounds into his flesh, from his shoulders to his wrists, there were wounds up to a palmspan in length.  He would transfer the mental anguish to physical pain, and physical pain could be overcome.  It could be endured and dealt with.  He would hide these wounds, and should one ever be seen, it was passed off as a result of his job as a rat catcher, or caused by playing with his ferrets. 

The ferrets were the only pleasure he took as a youth.  His grandfather allowed him to take a baby ferret from a new litter that was born, but Egan insisted that one was not enough.  He convinced his grandmother that he should have 3, and she in turn convinced his grandfather.  He named them Jacob Xavier, Jacob Vladimir, and Jacob Bartholomew, for no real reason than his own misguided sense of humour.  These pets alone kept Egan from falling into a deep well of despair that may have swallowed him whole otherwise.  They gave him pleasure, they made him smile.

That was how he viewed the world as he grew up.  Now, however, things have changed, somewhat.  Egan has felt a feeling that he had never felt before; pride.  True, it was pride based off the reputation that was not his own, and the actions that were more accidental than planned, but it was a glimmer of something foreign.  And it felt good.  Perhaps he was now maturing into the man he was to become.  Egan realized that something more was available to him that he had never considered before.  And this was respect.  No one respected a rat catcher, and no one respected a thief or a con man.  But, they did respect Daron, and Egan liked how that felt.  The only thing that would taste as sweet, perhaps even better, would be if they respected him.  Maybe not as Egan, but him as Daron, his deeds as Daron.  This is how he now wishes to live his life, but noble desires are not as easily reached as one might hope.  And there still is much of Egan left in Daron, something that he has vowed to himself to fight.  It will not be easy, he knows, but he will try.  For himself, for his father, and for his grandparents.
         
Strength:

* His cunning mind, Egan has learned to find the best way to preserve himself.  This usually includes conning other people into doing, or giving him, what he wants.

* Daron's reputation.  Now that Egan is Daron, simply allowing others to believe that is who he is has opened up many a free meal, and cash rewards

Weakness:

* Daron's reputation.  Now that he is Daron, others expect him to act like Daron.  Unfortunately, Egan knows none of the skills that Daron is famous for. 

* Scared of Rats.  Even though his family hunted them for a living, he could not get past their disgusting qualities.

* Afraid of Spiders.  He is terrified of these little critters, though he has no reason why.

* Afraid of Snakes.  More of the creepy crawlies that scare the begeebies out of him.

* Daron's killers.  There is someone out there that is hunting him, though Egan knows not who, nor why.

* Egans past.  There is someone out there hunting for him, and he knows who, and why.(Please elaborate this weakness in order to set it apart from the one above. It seems like they were the same.)


History: He was born Egan Ratsbane, in the city of Santhala.  His parents were poor people who did their best to raise the boy properly, but his natural curiosity and sense of adventure proved more than they could handle.  His father worked for the city, hunting rats in the sewers and poorer places of town, earning a few sans for every sack of rats brought in.  Egan was trained by him to follow in his footsteps, but, like everything else, rats scared him.  They were dirty, disgusting creatures, and it made him tremble to touch one.

Tiring of this, Egan began to neglect his duties and found that petty theft made as much or more coin than did catching rats for the city.  Unfortunately for Egan, he was caught twice by city guards.  The first time resulted in a beating from the guards, then another from his father when he got home.  The second time landed him in the city jails, where more rats tormented him for a period of six months.

When he got out, Egan decided that he needed to improve his skills somewhat.  While in jail, he had met another man who had explained the art of the con to Egan.  Thievery was great risk with little pay-off, while a good con could result in a great pay-off for relatively little risk. 

Unfortunately, Egan made the mistake of picking his first mark as a man with friends of considerable influence in Santhala.  When Egan's con paid off in a reasonable way, the mark discovered the ruse.  It was then that Egan became the object of a manhunt from the underbelly of Santhalan society.  These people were much worse than Egan had ever been, or had ever met.  They were dangerous, and they wanted revenge.  The only safe option for Egan was to leave Santhala. 

Packing no more than he could steal in one evening, Egan headed south.  After traveling for a time, he found himself on the edge of the Zeiphyrian Forest.  Having no wilderness experience, he hesitated to enter, but he had no real choice.  This was where his life changed, and he became Daron Soulstealer.

It was almost immediately that he became hopelessly lost.  As he wandered, hungry and alone, he came upon a dying elf, Daron Soulstealer.  Thinking the elf was dead, Egan approached and began to rummage through the pockets of the body, dressed all in black.

To Egan's shock, the elf grabbed his wrist and began speaking in an elvish language Egan could not understand.  Seeing the confusion on the young man's face, the elf began to speak in Tharian.

"My name is Daron Soulstealer.  I am dying.  I want-  I NEED you to help me.  Promise me that you will do my final bidding." 

Thinking that the elf was going to ask to be buried, Egan consented.  After all, it was the least he could do.  Besides that, he had heard of Daron Soulstealer before, though to be honest, he had thought him a fairy tail; a story for children.

"My task on this world is not yet done.  I am still needed.  Daron is still needed.  I have spent 400 years correcting the evils of this world, fighting the injustices that men perpetrate on each other.  You are a young and somewhat silly race, but you are a race with much potential.  I have given up my place in my tribe to help you achieve your potential.  To this end, I have no regrets.  It is what Ava' has willed.

"You shall be the new Daron Soulstealer.  It was the name of which I took, and it has served me well.  I give it now to you, as well as my clothes, and my weapons.  All I ask is that you carry on my mission.  Bring justice to your people.  Bring goodness.  But beware, for I have enemies.  There are many who would exact revenge on me, and alas, one has, though I have not the name of the one who has killed me.  Poisoned I am, and I shall be soon dead.

At first, Egan balked at the elf's request, but Daron was firm, squeezing Egan's wrist until the young man agreed.  Then the elf passed away.  True to his word, Egan buried the elf, then he took the elf's wardrobe, which was finer than any clothes he had ever owned, and the elf's weapons, which were the best he had ever seen.

Of course, Egan had no plans on carrying on the elf's mission.  That would be insane, let alone completely contrary to his personal motto of "less work the better".  So, after eating the last of the elf's food, he rested for the night.

The next day still saw him lost, but in his wanderings, he came across a trail.  With nothing to lose, he followed it.  It was not long that a wagon carrying a young couple and their three children passed by.  Egan saw an opportunity, and began to con his way into a ride.  At first the couple was hesitant, after all, they had no idea who he was, and there were always stories of thieves preying on travelers.  Desperate, Egan introduced himself as Daron Soulstealer.

Wide-eyed, the couple whispered together for a moment, and before he knew it, Egan was in the wagon, enjoying cider and eating cold meat.  It was then that he saw the potential of the name.  If being Daron was this rewarding, then that was who he would be.  Several nights later, while gathered about the campfire, and Egan fully stuffed from the young wife's cooking, he regaled them with stories of his daring do.  It seemed no matter how outrageous the lie, they would sit there and ooh, and ahh at every word.

Then, just as they were about to turn in for the night, two large figures stepped from the shadows, brandishing clubs.  The leader of the men demanded everything that was of valuable, with long leering
glances at the young wife.  It was obvious that this was going to end badly.  To Egan's complete horror, the children began berating the thugs, telling them that they had run across no other than the great Daron Soulstealer.

The thugs looked Egan up and down, sizing up the man.  This man  was definitely not the man they heard such stories of.  The leader of the thugs stepped forward, a murderous glint in his eye.  He knew exactly how to deal with heroes.

Panicked, Egan grabbed at the Shashir at his side, desperately trying to pull it from its scabbard.  At the same time he took a step back from the approaching thug.  Unfortunately, Egan's foot caught an exposed root and he fell backward, as he did, the Shamshir sprung loose and waved in front of him as he fell.  As he fell, he heard a whistle pass by his ear, and felt his sword hit something in mid air. 

Egan landed with a thud, and scrambled to his feat quickly, in his mind, he wondered why he was not already dead.  To his amazement, he saw that the leader of the thugs was standing with a crossbow quarrel embedded in his chest.  With a gurgle, the big man dropped to the ground.  The second man, his mouth agape, looked into the bushes, to his hidden accomplice.  Apparently, all the tales they had heard of Daron Soulstealer were true.   Not willing to give up their lives, they both took off as fast as their legs could take them.

The family was understandably grateful, and in the days ahead, when they reached the city of Marcogg, they told all who would listen about Daron's heroic stand against the three thugs.  With every telling, the truth got more and more stretched, but for a week, Egan had not to buy one meal, or one drink.  He was a hero.

It was then that Egan awoke one night in a cold sweat.  He had dreamed that the elf had visited him and had rebuked him for not continuing his mission.  The more that Egan thought about the dream, the more he came to realize that he needed to become Daron.  Egan was no more.  He would try to do what he had vowed to the elf that he would do.

But this meant that he would need to travel far from here.  Daron was too well known here.  Someone would know what he looked like, or that he was an elf.  No, the myth of Daron was an old one, 400 years, if the elf's tale was true, but surprisingly, most of these tales dealt with his deeds, and not of his race or his looks.  All he needed to do was get away from here, but to a place that Daron was known, and he could live life easily.  He would trade on the name for his lively hood, and if that reputation could help someone, then so much the better.

And so, Daron Soulstealer left Marcogg.


Weapons:   Daron carries a Shamshir, intricately etched with ivy vines and leaves along the blade.  The pommel is inlaid with gold in the pattern of a snake wound around the pommel.  He also carries 2 throwing daggers, designed to match the sword.  They are beautiful weapons, all, unfortunately, he knows not how to wield any of them.

Belongings: Nothing more than his weapons and the clothes on his back.

And there you go. Other than a few spelling mistakes, there are some things that I am not sure about. I will be consulting the admins and mods about it.

A good job, I might add. Have a nice day.
Logged

A weak mind is a deadly foe.
Thorgas Ironforge
Buri
Thorgas' theme song
Pages: [1] 2 3   Go Up
Print
Jump to:  

Recent Posts
[October 05, 2020, 02:58:40 PM]

[March 19, 2020, 03:47:44 AM]

[July 23, 2019, 07:02:29 PM]

[July 23, 2019, 07:02:23 PM]

[August 01, 2018, 03:13:13 PM]

[June 19, 2018, 12:49:51 PM]

[April 28, 2018, 03:44:22 AM]

[April 13, 2018, 06:36:29 AM]

[April 10, 2018, 08:32:04 PM]

[March 09, 2018, 05:45:59 PM]
Members
Total Members: 2842
Latest: Jillvalen
Stats
Total Posts: 214556
Total Topics: 8050
Online Today: 21
Online Ever: 216
(November 30, 2006, 09:08:03 AM)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 17
Total: 17

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx