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Author Topic: Kyrridhil Culná mo / Aellenhrim Elf / Hapless Romantic  (Read 12226 times)
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Kyrridhil Culná mo
Hapless Romantic
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Posts: 212


Elf, Aellenhrim / Eophyrhim.


« on: August 28, 2007, 10:34:32 PM »


Name: Kyrridhil Culná mo

Race: Elven

Tribe: Aellenhrim (65% Aellenhrim, 35% Eophyrhim)

Desired Title: Hapless Romantic

Occupation: Swordsman for Hire

Age: 342

Height: 2 ped, 1 palmspan

Weight: 2 pygge, 8 hebs, 2 ods, 1 mut

Hair colour: White

Eye colour: Green

Overview:
Kyrridhil was shunned by the females of his tribe whilst young, due to the height and grim appearance which was caused by the Eophyrhim blood in his veins. Whilst faint, it caused him to be exceptionally tall amongst his tribe. He has always been shy around girls and now believes that by being desperately romantic he can make up for his height. Although he is soppy beyond belief, Kyrridhil is very protective and anything he perceives as an insult to either him or his newest pursuit will be met by cold steel and a piercing glare, liable to make even an orc fill his underpants... If said orc wore underpants that is.

Appearance:
Kyrridhil is somewhat of a gentle, but easily aggravated, giant. He is exceptionally tall amongst the Aellenhrims, and wiry. This frame however, hides a great hidden strength. As a result of this, he wields weapons too cumbersome for all but the strongest of humans, with ease. His face is framed by long white hair, which falls past his shoulders and down his back. His features are both delicate but weathered at the same time. His visage is nothing short of handsome, somewhat surprising when you consider how his Eophyrhim blood has so sharply affected other features of him. In comparison with his towering body, his head is actually quite small. Large hands tense at the ends of strong sinewy arms and his legs seem powerful enough to kick a dwarf to the far side of the river.

Clothing
Kyrridhil has always been ashamed of his rather un-elf like frame and as such wears loose fitting clothing. He wears a large green tunic over a chainmail shirt which is bound at the waist by a leather belt made from the pelt of a deer. On his legs Kyrridhil wears loose fitting brown breeches made from the same deer his belt was made from. On his feet he wears brown leather riding boots for greater maneuverability. When arrayed for battle though, Kyrridhil is attired very differently...

Armour
For battle or when Kyrridhil feels the need to be better protected or just more intimidating. He has acquired almost a full set of armour. He wears steel greaves which, whilst heavy, do not hamper his movement too much. Gifted to him by his father was a chainmail fauld* and platemail breastplate. Kyrridhil does not wear metal plated gloves. Instead, he wears fingerless leather gloves, as he reasons that he has more control over his sword this way. He wears no helmet of any form, as he thinks it could give him dreadful hat hair and cause him to lose the favour of a female companion.

Personality
Kyrridhil is not as he may first appear. He is, generally, a polite and well mannered elf, with a tendency to be extremely soppy. He can find it hard to make friends though due to his large and intimidating body. This is an annoyance to him as he loves being the center of attention and can get depressed if he is out of the social limelight for too long. Despite being this gentle giant, Kyrridhil is very easily angered by anything he deems a threat or an insult to him or his latest pursuit. This normally ends badly for the other person but has been the cause of many unnecessary concussions and scars for Kyrridhil. On a general note though, it is best to try not to insult Kyrridhil or say anything he could perceive as a negative comment about his hair. It will either force him to tears or rouse him to great anger.

Strengths

Physically Strong
Kyrridhil unusually for elves, is very clearly strong. His huge muscles allow him to wield large weapons, like his greatsword, with ease. It allows him to cause considerable damage with every blow of his sword. It also allows him to stay on the trail of someone for days with little rest.

Honourable
This can be very useful in a party situation as Kyrridhil is very VERY unlikely to abandon the group unless he feels it contradicts his beliefs or places himself or a female companion in mortal danger.

Intimidating
Thanks to his appearance and strength, Kyrridhil is extremely intimidating and quite often can make a journey considerably easier just by being present. He doesn't mean to scare people and can feel quite guilty afterwards.

Greatsword
After many years of training with a greatsword. Kyrridhil is very proficient with it. This is helped by his strength. When combined together. It makes Kyrridhil a formidable opponent indeed.

Shortbow
While by no means an expert, or even consistent, Kyrridhil can every now and again, hit his target. Normally however., it takes him at least 3 attempts to kill an animal and often he ends up shooting himself in the foot.

Weaknesses

Intimidating
As mentioned earlier, Kyrridhil is somewhat intimidating. This can be a great boon but means that he does not make friends as well as others. As such in times of darkness and need, Kyrridhil has comparatively fewer friends to call upon than most in this world.

Clean Freak
Kyrridhil like most elves of his tribe, is very hygienic. He takes it to the next level and is somewhat of a clean freak. During a fight this can be a great disadvantage as if Kyrridhil sees blood drying on his sword, dirt on his armour or worse than those put together, something caught in his hair; Kyrridhil will panic, run away and then frantically try to get rid of it before it could dry and leave a mark. So a good way of putting Kyrridhil out of a fight for a while is to throw a handful of mud at his armour.

Over-Protective
As I mentioned earlier, Kyrridhil has a fiery temper when it comes to insults to either him or a female companion he is particularly fond of. He can often find himself in unnecessary fights due to this. Unfortunately for him he tends to get into arguments with the wrong people. Like when he challenged a dwarf to a fight as he thought the dwarf was giving him dirty looks, as a result. He almost had his skull caved in.

Scared of Dwarfs
Ever since he almost had his head caved in by a dwarf. Kyrridhil, unsurprisingly, has been somewhat reluctant to work and travel with them. This is not to say he has any serious prejudice. He just doesn't want to risk getting another serious injury

Vain
Kyrridhil is extremely vain, he strives to keep himself looking perfect so as to avoid catastrophe when it comes to his social life. Kyrridhil is likely to react in two ways when on the receiving end of an insult. He either becomes paranoid and can cry. Or he becomes very violent. A good method of bullying him is telling him he has something in his hair. It is not without risks however.

History
When Kyrridhil was born his parents were shocked to see such a large baby, themselves being short even amongst the Aellenhrims. At once they both frantically checked through their family trees trying to rationalise their child, they were scared. For if they could not find a reason, surely someone would accuse Arien, who was his mother, of sleeping with orcs!
   
 
Finally after almost 3 months of sleepless nights, which were not all to blame on Kyrridhil. Maeglin, the father, had to admit what he had dreaded saying. "I haven't been completely honest with you. I’m half Eophyrhim." His father was ashamed of his parentage "Oh you silly man! Did you really think I wouldn't love you for this?" Arien laughed, Maeglin blushed profusely "I am an idiot." Arien just nodded. both of them relaxed somewhat, as the Eophyrhim were considerably taller and stronger than the Aellenhrims. However, they dreaded the recurrences if anyone found out their sons ancestry. It did not satisfy their worry though, as it was still unusual for a child to so strongly resemble another tribe, especially considering the Aellenhrim blood was for more the dominant in his veins. For the next years, they raised Kyrridhil never again mentioning his heritage.

   
Kyrridhil grew quickly for an elf again raising doubts in his parent’s minds, but these were quickly set aside to avoid accidentally bringing his heritage into the open. When Kyrridhil started schooling, he was ridiculed and did not tend to venture out far from his home. Boys teased from a distance, scared by the muscles which even then were obvious. Girls teased him to his face, safe in the knowledge that Kyrridhil would not retaliate against one of them. All of this started to have an effect on Kyrridhil. He ate less and exercised more He was determined to lose the height, weight and strength he deemed a curse. It was this period in Kyrridhil's life when he took to sparring with his father. He was started on a short sword, but quickly progressed first to a long sword, then a broadsword. Then finally to the great sword which he still uses today. He became a veritable legend with it within his village and boys stopped teasing him for a while. To no avail. He one again became shyer as the years went on and as he reached the age of 138, he no longer ventured into the areas where he knew his peers awaited him to tease.
   

His mother, Arien, took pity on him, and often found him crying in his room. She comforted him, telling him the others were jealous. In his mother’s words, Kyrridhil found kindness he did not know from others his age. He ventured out once more into the forests of his homeland. He grew stronger and taller with age, and as wisdom came, Kyrridhil came to accept his body. By the age of 156, he had become more popular with the girls of his tribe. He was still incredibly shy though and resorted to being overbearingly romantic thinking that this might increase his chances of finally being fully accepted by the females of the Aellenhrim.
   

 This tactic worked, and now at the age of 342, he was as wise a 30 year old human and appeared as a 27 year old would (A very muscular one though) he has had quite a few good relationships. Admittedly they did generally end badly as his partner finally got fed up of his constant chivalry and left him. Kyrridhil has begun to feel able to approach women and now has become very protective of them.
 
However, Kyrridhil's new found confidence among women was shattered when, not long after recovering from the aftershock of the death of his mother which left him emotionally scarred for months. Kyrridhil found another girl who was to his taste. More than this, she was his soul mate and Kyrridhil doted upon her night and day. After a year of a happy relationship, he thought it might be a good time to propose. So that night he set out and struck for the Goldsmiths, hoping they may have a ring which he could purchase. And purchase he did. He returned home to his girlfriends house. Stepped through the door, and saw his nightmares incarnate. She was lying with another man. "YOU WHORE!" He screamed, "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME. WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kyrridhil gave her no chance to answer; he turned and ran, further than he had ever ran before. Until he found himself on the outskirts of the forest where he broke down and cried for a day.   

Eventually, after what seemed like a year for Kyrridhil. He found the strength to return to his village. He went to his parent’s house. Dirty, blotchy and smelly he arrived at the door.” By god Kyrridhil, what happened? You smell like an ogre’s armpit!" exclaimed his father. Kyrridhil collapsed into his fathers arms. "I'm leaving here and not returning. Ever." Kyrridhil whispered. He was serious. After a wash and a bowl of hot broth. Kyrridhil left with his fathers blessing. A metal armband, rations and a water skin. "Goodbye dad." Kyrridhil muttered as he turned his back on all he knew.
   
Kyrridhil set out on a long and never ending road that day. For three months he wandered aimlessly in a direction unbeknownst to him. He fought a bear, wolves (on numerous occasions) and even narrowly escaped being decapitated by an ogre at one point. But this part of his life is fairly uninteresting and the only thing he accomplished was becoming skillful with his sword. At last however, Kyrridhil found his way to one of the great dwarf holds of the Mitharim. He beheld wonders of metalwork he had never thought to see first hand. In exchange for sparring with some of the younger dwarfs, the metal folk as they are known, took his great sword and repaired and sharpened the blade beyond recognition. Kyrridhil was immensely grateful. However, soon after receiving the sword. He got into an argument with one of the veteran dwarf warriors of the Hold. As a result, Kyrridhil was hospitalized with a caved in skull. The dwarves apologized profusely, but humbled. Kyrridhil took full blame for the incident. He left the Mitharim holds the next day with directions to reach the Dogodanshire of the hobbits.

Kyrridhil, never one to rush wandering aimlessly, took his time reaching the Dogodanshire. Finally though, after almost a years wandering this way and that (Nothing eventful happening.) Kyrridhil reached the Dogodan shire and was met by a rather unfriendly welcome. Doors were shut and curtains drawn. The hobbits seemed terrified of him! Indeed this was the case, and being exhausted from constant wandering. Kyrridhil lay down in the middle of the road and slept.

Gradually, as the night grew old. The hobbits began to emerge out of their homes and walk slowly towards the sleeping elf. "By god, he’s a strong one!" said one hobbit; this was met with much agreement. Eventually the thain arrived on the scene. "Umm, right... Well in this current umm... predicament. I vote that we should umm... Give him a gift and hope he doesn't kill us!" The thain obviously confused and possibly somewhat apprehensive about this decision went off on his pony rather rapidly, leaving delegates to deal with Kyrridhil.

However, Kyrridhil had not been sleeping. Merely lying very still listening to their plans. A smile crept across his face. Well, at least they won't cave my head in he thought to himself. As morning came, representatives of the Thain came to wake Kyrridhil, ask his name and welcome him into the Dogodan shire. This they did with badly masked terror on their faces.

For the next year or so of his life, Kyrridhil served as a 'guardian' of the shire, also as a storyteller for the younger more curious hobbits. Many parents however, feared their child would 'crack' and so by the end of his stay. Comparatively fewer people came to him for tales of the wild.

On his leaving, The Thain, Came to Kyrridhil and presented him with a pipe, and a satchel of pipe weed. "Thank you very much. I have enjoyed my stay." Kyrridhil smiled as he said this. In reply the Thain said "It’s been a pleasure to have you here Mister Kyr-Kyr-Kyrridhil. You are a most pleasant Elf." The Thain bowed as he said this and looked up. "You can go now." Kyrridhil took this as a hint.

Kyrridhil sighed as he left the Dogodan shire. He had enjoyed the stay immensely and enjoyed having children look up to him instead of mock him. He took a very round about route to the Human Kingdoms. Savouring probably the last moments he would spend for a long time, completely away from civilization. The only relief he had from the quiet was the occasional bandit party and the wolves and other forest creatures who plagued the woodlands. This gave Kyrridhil to keep his skills with the great sword as sharp as they had ever been. The bandits also provided him with a means of getting rations when he could find no meat.

Now, four years after he left home and at the end of his travels through Santharia, seeing the wonders of the Dwarven cities and enjoying halfling hospitality on the way, he has finally arrived at the Human Kingdoms. And ready to make his mark on the world. Whatever shape it may be.


Weapons
The Greatsword
After years of sparring with his father and pitting himself against numerous foes, some quite unnecessarily  Kyrridhil has become quite accomplished with the Greatsword. Thanks to his strength, he wields it with ease and is capable of doing a lot of damage with one sweep of this hefty blade. As to the blade itself. It is of a decent quality, with the blade being well balanced and razor sharp. The hilt is inlaid with a sapphire with no special properties other than boosting the swords worth somewhat. Recently Kyrridhil has wrapped leather around the handle to make it more comfortable to wield for prolonged fights

The Shortbow
By no means Kyrridhil's weapon of choice. He uses this purely for hunting purposes and occasionally to scare off an enemy who Kyrridhil knows neither he or his companions could deal with comfortably with in close combat. Kyrridhil is fairly proficient with this. Although when he misses. Ducking and taking cover would be the best course of action.

Belongings
-An ornate, but not expensive scabbard for his sword.
-At least a weeks supply of trail rations.
-A large waterskin.
-Flint
-A small collapsible pot used for cooking meat whilst on the road.
-A sharp knife used for preparing food.
-A money-purse, usually lighter than Kyrridhil would prefer.
-A pipe, gifted to him by the hobbits of the Dogodan shire after being a 'Most delightful Elf to have stay with us'.
-A set of panpipes which serve only to keep him amused.
-A metal wrist band given to him by his parents when he left home to travel the world. It is of no significance or particular worth but reminds him of his parents love in times of darkness and despair

*As with regards to a fauld. It is like a chainmail skirt with a split down the front normally overlaid with leather. It allows for greater maneuverability than plate legs but greater defense than leather trousers. People normally just wear leather trousers underneath the fauld
« Last Edit: September 07, 2007, 12:07:39 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

Smell that? Yeah thats you wallowing in self pity.
Deal With It

-Kyrridhil Culná mo to a Remusian guard after being told he had brittle hair.
Kyrridhil Culná Mo
  | Frozen Darkness
Kyrridhil Culná mo
Hapless Romantic
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Elf, Aellenhrim / Eophyrhim.


« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2007, 04:35:27 PM »

Bump
« Last Edit: August 29, 2007, 08:33:00 PM by Kyrridhil Culná mo » Logged

Smell that? Yeah thats you wallowing in self pity.
Deal With It

-Kyrridhil Culná mo to a Remusian guard after being told he had brittle hair.
Kyrridhil Culná Mo
  | Frozen Darkness
Kyrridhil Culná mo
Hapless Romantic
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Gender: Male
Posts: 212


Elf, Aellenhrim / Eophyrhim.


« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2007, 08:18:41 PM »

*coughs loudly*
I should be suprised if i havent missed something out or made a mistake so...
Comments welcome.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2007, 08:33:25 PM by Kyrridhil Culná mo » Logged

Smell that? Yeah thats you wallowing in self pity.
Deal With It

-Kyrridhil Culná mo to a Remusian guard after being told he had brittle hair.
Kyrridhil Culná Mo
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Brownie, Llaoihrr


« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2007, 08:23:15 PM »

When your CD is ready for comments, change your post icon to the exclamation mark.  :P

Edit: Ta!  Having a quick look through now seeing as I have a few minutes free but not sure how much I will get done today...
« Last Edit: August 29, 2007, 08:33:30 PM by Rookie » Logged

Kyrridhil Culná mo
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Elf, Aellenhrim / Eophyrhim.


« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2007, 08:33:48 PM »

Fixed that
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Smell that? Yeah thats you wallowing in self pity.
Deal With It

-Kyrridhil Culná mo to a Remusian guard after being told he had brittle hair.
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« Reply #5 on: August 29, 2007, 10:24:26 PM »

Would you mind explaining this 99.9% blood thingy? Having a 0.01% blood of other tribes is not much, and the traits of that other tribe will not likely to be exhibited by your character.
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Kyrridhil Culná mo
Hapless Romantic
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Elf, Aellenhrim / Eophyrhim.


« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2007, 10:28:13 PM »

Can do

Edit:
Just bumped up the percentage of Arthyron in him, also changed a bit in the history
« Last Edit: August 29, 2007, 10:31:50 PM by Kyrridhil Culná mo » Logged

Smell that? Yeah thats you wallowing in self pity.
Deal With It

-Kyrridhil Culná mo to a Remusian guard after being told he had brittle hair.
Kyrridhil Culná Mo
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Brownie, Llaoihrr


« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2007, 10:32:48 PM »

Today I like Pink

Edit: Bum, thought the pink would be more different, sorry


Edit: Changed the pink to green - easier to spot.

Name: Kyrridhil Culná mo

Race: Elven

Tribe: Aellenhrim (99.9% Aellenhrim, very faint Arthyron blood)

Desired Title: Hapless Romantic

Occupation: Swordsman for Hire

Age: 342

Height: 2 Ped, 1 Palmspan

Weight: 1 pygee, 5 Hebs, 9 muts

Hair colour: Blonde

Eye colour: Deep Blue

Overview:
Kyrridhil was shunned by the females of his tribe whilst young due to the Arthyron blood in his veins. Whilst faint, it caused him to be exceptionallly exceptionally tall amongst his Tribe. But he has so little Arthyron Blood – would you even be able to tell?
He has always been shy around girls and now believes that by being desperately romantic he can make up for his height. Though soppy beyond beliefBit of a strange sentence, maybe something like “Although he is soppy beyond belief” would be clearer?. Kyrridhil is very protective and anything he perceivesas an insult to either him or his newest pursuit will be met by cold steel and a piercing glare liable to make even an Orc fill his underpants... If said Orc wore underpants that is.

Appearance:
Kyrridhil is somewhat of a gentle, but easily aggravated, giant. At a first glance one might think Kyrridhil was a barbarian, or perhaps has an orc ancestor. He is strangely large for an elf being both tall and exceedingly muscular at the same time. As a result of this he wields weapons too cumbersome for all but the strongest of humans with ease. His face is framed by long blonde hair which falls past his shoulders and down his back. His features are both delicate but weathered at the same time. His visage is nothing short of handsome and this is not to wonder at in the face of an Aellenhrim Elf slightly confusing sentence. When you manage to draw your gaze away from the height. You will see the towering body upon which it seems precariously balanced ontop of. These two are also a little weird Large hands tense at the ends of strong sinewy arms and his legs seem powerful enough to kick an ogre to the far side of the river.

Clothing
Kyrridhil has always been ashamed of his rather un-elf like frame and as such wears loose fitting clothing. He wears a large green tunic over a chainmail shirt which is bound at the waist by a leather belt made from the pelt of a deer. On his legs Kyrridhil wears
loose fitting brown breeches made from the same deer his belt was made from. On his feet he wears brown leather riding boots for greater manoeuvrability.
 When arrayed for battle though, Kyrridhil is attired very differently... I like the separate battle/everyday descriptions, it’s a good idea

Armour
For battle or when Kyrridhil feels a need shouldn´t it be “the” need to be better protected or just more intimidating. He has acquired almost a full set of armour. He wears Steel greaves which whilst heavy, are fairly flexible and so do not hamper his movement too much. Gifted to him by his father was a chainmail fauld* and platemail breastplate. Kyrridhil does not wear metal plated gloves. Instead he wears fingerless leather gloves as he reasons that he has more control over his sword this way. He wears no helmet of any form as he thinks it could give him dreadful hat hair and cause him to lose the favour of a female companion.

Personality
Kyrridhil is not as he may first appear. He is an extremely polite and well mannered elf, But attacking people because they are rude about him or his lady doesn’t seem that polite with a tendency to be extremely soppy. He can find it hard to make friends though due to his large and intimidating body. This is an annoyance to him as he loves being the centre of attention and can get depressed if he is out of the social lime-light for too long. Despite being this gentle-giant. I would make this a comma… Kyrridhil is very easily angered by anything he deems a threat or an insult to him or his latest pursuit, …and split the sentence here insteadthis normally ends badly for the other person but has been the cause of many unneccesary concussions and scars for Kyrridhil. On a general note though, it is best to try not to insult Kyrridhil or say anything he could percieve as a negative comment about his hair. It will either force him to tears or rouse him to great anger.

Strengths
Physically Strong
Kyrridhil unusually for elves, is very clearly strong. His huge muscles allow him to wield large weapons, like his Greatsword, with ease. It allows him to sweep aside foes with one blow I would be careful of statements like this, they sound a little god-like and allows him to stay on the trail of someone for days with little rest.

Honourable
This can be very useful in a party situation as Kyrridhil is very VERY unlikely to abandon the group unless he feels it contradicts his beliefs or places himself or a female companion in mortal danger.

Intimidating
Thanks to his appearance and strength, Kyrridhil is extremely intimidating and quite often can make a journey considerably easier just by being present. He doesnt mean to scare people and can feel quite guilty afterwards.


Weaknesses
Intimidating
Although a great help at times, being so damn intimidating makes it hard for Kyrridhil to make friends. It also reduces the chances of him being able to get into a group for the adventures he so dearly desires. I don’t know, he’d probably be more likely to be brought along to scare the enemy

Clean Freak
Kyrridhi,l like most elves of his tribe, is very hygienic. He takes it to the next level and is somewhat of a Clean Freak. During a fight this can be a great disadvantage as if Kyrridhil sees blood drying on his sword, dirt on his armour or worse than those put together, something caught in his hair. Don’t think you can end the sentence there, it doesn’t make sense. Kyrridhil will panic and frantically try to get rid of it before it could dry and leave a mark. A good way of putting Kyrridhil out of a fight for a while is to throw a handful of mud at his armour. Alternatively a good method of bullying him is telling him he has something in his hair!

Over-Protective
As i mentioned earlier, Kyrridhil has a fiery temper when it comes to insults to either him or a female companion he is particularly fond of. He can often find himself in y unnecessar fights due to this. Unfortunately for him he tends to get into arguments with the wrong people. Like when he challenged an ogre to a duel because he though the ogre was giving him dirty looks, and promptly got whacked over the head by a large club.

History
When Kyrridhil was born his parents were shocked to see such a large baby, themselves being short even amongst the Aellenhrims. At once they both frantically checked through their family trees trying to rationalise their child, they were scared. For if they could not find a reason, surely someone would accuse Arien, who was his mother, of sleeping with Orcs!
 
    Finally after almost 3 months of sleepless nights, which were not all to blame on Kyrridhil. Maeglin, the father, found that 9 generations ago, he had an Arthyron relative. Arien and Maeglin relaxed, as the Arthyron were considerably taller than the Aellenhrims. For the next years. put these two sentences togetherThey raised Kyrridhil, finally assured of his heritage.

I´m just not sure you would notice such a small amount of Arthyron Blood – the Aellenhrim entry says they are pretty varied in appearance anyway and whilst it does mention that they are slightly shorter than the average elf, the Arthyron section doesn’t say  that tribe are particularly tall.

    Kyrridhil grew quickly for an elf again raising doubts in his parents minds, but these were quickly set aside. Why? When Kyrridhil started schooling, he was ridiculed and did not tend to venture out far from his home. Boys teased from a distance, scared by the muscles which even then were obvious. Why is he so muscled?Girls teased him to his face, safe in the knowledge that Kyrridhil would not retaliate against one of them. All of this started to have an effect on Kyrridhil. He ate less and exercised more, determined to lose the height, weight and strength he deemed a curse. To no avail. He got shyer as the years went on and as he reached the age of 38, he no longer ventured into the areas where he knew his peers awaited him to tease.
Double-spacing paragraphs makes it easier to read

    His mother, Arien took pity on him, and often found him crying in his room. She comforted him, telling him the others were jealous. In his mothers words, Kyrridhil found kindness he did not know from others his age. He ventured out once more into the forests of his homeland. He grew stronger and taller with age but was no longer as ashamed of his body. Why?By the age of 134, he had become more popular with the girls of his tribe. He was still incredibly shy though and resorted to being overbearingly romantic thinking that this might increase his chances of finally being fully accepted by the females of the Aellenhrim. But you just said he had become more popular :P

This tactic worked, and by now at the age of 342, being change to he was as wise a 30 year old human and appearing appeared as a 27 year old would. He has had many good relationships. Admittedly they did generally end badly as his partner finally got fed up of his constant Romanticism It is a word but it’s the name for a particular genre of art, maybe “chivalry” instead and left him. Kyrridhil has begun to feel able to approach Women capital not needed and now has become protective of them. Seeing them now as the ultimate goal for him. His ambition still remains to travel through the Kingdom of Santharia meet as many beautiful women as he can, whilst proving his skill with a blade. He left the forests of the Aellenhrim and travels towards the human Kingdoms. Why did he leave the forests?

    After 5 years of wandering through Elven Kingdoms, seeing the wonders of the Dwarven citys and enjoying halfling hospitality Details?. He has finally arrived. And ready to make his mark on the world.

Your character is over 300 years old so you need to bulk out the history quite a bit.  Maybe add a story of a special girl who broke his heart?  You also could add some details about where he learnt to use the greatsword and shortbow

Weapons

Weapon skills are defiantly an advantage so you need to add them to your list of strengths.

The Greatsword
After years of sparring with his father and pitting himself against numerous foes, some quite unnecessarily , Kyrridhil has become quite accomplished with the Greatsword. Thanks to his Strength, he wields it with ease and is capable of doing a lot of damage with one sweep of this hefty blade. As to the blade itself. It is of a decent quality, with the blade being well balanced and razor sharp. The hilt is inlaid bywith    a Sapphire with no special properties other than boosting the swords worth somewhat. Recently, Kyrridhil has wrapped leather around the handle to make it more comfortable to wield for prolongued fights.

The Shortbow
By no means Kyrridhil's weapon of choice. He uses this purely for hunting purposes and occasionally to pick off an enemy who Kyrridhil knows neither he or his companions could deal with comfortably with in close combat. Kyrridhil is fairly proficient with this. Although when he misses. Ducking and taking cover would be the best course of action.

Belongings
-An Ornate, but not expensive scabbard for his sword.
-At least a weeks supply of trail rations.
-A large waterskin.
-Flint
-A small collapsible pot used for cooking meat whilst on the road.
-A sharp knife used for preparing food.
-A money-purse, usually lighter than kyrridhil would prefer.
-A pipe, giftedgiven   to him by the hobbits of the Dogodan shire after being a 'Most delightful Elf to have stay with us' Put the story in your history!. Kyrridhil suspects however they were scared of him and just wanted to keep him pleasd.
-A set of panpipes which serve only to keep him amused.
-A metal wrist band given to him by his parents when he left home to travel the world. It is of no significance or particular worth but reminds him of his parents love in times of darkness and despair

Well done!  A well-written cd I think, entertaining to read and with obvious thought to how you’re going to rp the character. 

Basically I can see two areas that could do with some adjustment

1)   I think the history needs to be longer, especially as there are certain events you’ve mentioned elsewhere in the text
2)   I’m not sure that having Arthyron blood would make him so different from the rest of the tribe, but I think your best bet here is to speak to someone else with more experience about how you can make Kyridd’hil’s larger size and weight more expectable.

I hope that helps, and look forward to seeing Kyridd’hil around

Good Luck

« Last Edit: August 30, 2007, 04:38:35 PM by Rookie Brownbark » Logged

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« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2007, 10:36:16 PM »

Most of your traits are those of the recessive tribe. If it's only that small, then it is highly unlikely that those traits will show up in your character. The Aellenhrim tribe is the dominant gene, so it is more likely that the traits of that tribe will show more.
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« Reply #9 on: August 29, 2007, 10:37:37 PM »

Thanks for the comment, with regards to the blood thing, have already had that pointed out and made a change. He is more Arthyron now as i see the point people are making. Writing the history it seemed longer but it is a bit short. As to bits ive missed there but mentioned elsewhere. What are they? I think being concussed by an ogre might merit being included :P

To Thorgas: Have bumped up Arthyron blood to 35% and put a bit more in the history about it. If it is still unsatisfactory. I will rewrite the history completely
« Last Edit: August 29, 2007, 10:43:23 PM by Kyrridhil Culná mo » Logged

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« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2007, 10:48:56 PM »

As to bits ive missed there but mentioned elsewhere. What are they? I think being concussed by an ogre might merit being included :P

The bits I was thinking of where firstly in the greatsword description you mention that he often spared with his father and has "pitted himself against numerous foes" but don't really mention battles in the history, and secondly that some Halflings gave him a pipe.  Visiting other race's homes would be a pretty big thing (Do they really welcome strangers?) so you can't really gloss over it  :)
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« Reply #11 on: August 29, 2007, 10:56:26 PM »

Thanks for the insight. Fixed some of it but gotta go will do rest when i can
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« Reply #12 on: August 29, 2007, 11:09:42 PM »

Could you change your avatar? You just happened to choose the one I use, and two people shouldn't have the same avatar due to the possible confusion. Everyone would think you're me. Shocked
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« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2007, 01:19:58 AM »

Commenting in blue.

Name: Kyrridhil Culná mo

Race: Elven

Tribe: Aellenhrim (65% Aellenhrim, 35% Aellenhrim) I think you meant to say Arthyron here.

Desired Title: Hapless Romantic

Occupation: Swordsman for Hire

Age: 342

Height: 2 Ped, 1 Palmspan

Weight: 1 pygee, 5 Hebs, 9 muts

Hair colour: Blonde

Eye colour: Deep Blue

Overview:
Kyrridhil was shunned by the females of his tribe whilst young due to the Arthyron blood in his veins. Whilst faint, it caused him to be exceptionally tall amongst his Tribe. He has always been shy around girls and now and believes that by being desperately romantic he can make up for his height. Although soppy beyond belief. Kyrridhil is very protective and anything he perceives as an insult to either him or his newest pursuit will be met by cold steel and a piercing glare liable to make even an Orc fill his underpants... If said Orc wore underpants that is.

Appearance:
Kyrridhil is somewhat of a gentle, but easily aggravated, giant. At a first glance one might think Kyrridhil was a barbarian, or perhaps have an orc ancestor. He is strangely large for an elf being both tall and exceedingly muscular at the same time. As a result of this he wields weapons too cumbersome for all but the strongest of humans with ease. He doesn't possess the heritage for such a build. Nor would he have such strength. Elves in general are weaker than humans, and the two tribes you've chosen aren't any stronger than average for elves. His face is framed by long blonde hair which falls past his shoulders and down his back. His features are both delicate but weathered at the same time. His visage is nothing short of handsome and this is not to wonder at in the face of an Aellenhrim Elf. When you manage to draw your gaze away from the height. You will see the towering body upon which it seems precariously balanced ontop of. Large hands tense at the ends of strong sinewy arms and his legs seem powerful enough to kick an ogre to the far side of the river.

Clothing
Kyrridhil has always been ashamed of his rather un-elf like frame and as such wears loose fitting clothing. He wears a large green tunic over a chainmail shirt which is bound at the waist by a leather belt made from the pelt of a deer. On his legs Kyrridhil wears loose fitting brown breeches made from the same deer his belt was made from. On his feet he wears brown leather riding boots for greater manouverbility. When arrayed for battle though, Kyrridhil is attired very differently...
Armour
For battle or when Kyrridhil feels the need to better protected or just more intimidating. He has acquired almost a full set of armour. He wears Steel greaves which whilst heavy, are fairly flexible and so do not hamper his movement too much. Gifted to him by his father was a chainmail fauld* and platemail breastplate. Kyrridhil does not wear metal plated gloves. Instead he wears fingerless leather gloves as he reasons that he has more control over his sword this way. He wears no helmet of any form as he thinks it could give him dreadful hat hair and cause him to lose the favour of a female companion.

Personality
Kyrridhil is not as he may first appear. He is an extremely polite and well mannered elf, with a tendency to be extremely soppy. He can find it hard to make friends though due to his large and intimidating body. This is an annoyance to him as he loves being the centre of attention and can get depresed if he is out of the social lime-light for too long. Despite being this gentle-giant. Kyrridhil is very easily angered by anything he deems a threat or an insult to him or his latest pursuit, this normally ends badly for the other person but has been the cause of many unneccesary concussions and scars for Kyrridhil. On a general note though, it is best to try not to insult Kyrridhil or say anything he could percieve as a negative comment about his hair. It will either force him to tears or rouse him to great anger. Why is he so touchy about his hair? In my opinion, you haven't explained this well enough.

Strengths
Physically Strong
Kyrridhil unusually for elves, is very clearly strong. His huge muscles allow him to wied large weapons, like his Greatsword, with ease. It allows him to sweep aside foes with one blow and allows him to stay on the trail of someone for days with little rest. An elf of your two tribes wouldn't possess strength like this, far from it actually. If a strong elf is what you desire, then you'll need to choose at least one different parent tribe. Elven tribes known for their strength are the Ahrhim, the Eophyrhim, the Jhehellrhim, and the Meladrhim. I would suggest choosing from the first three and not the Meladrhim as it'll be best if both your parent tribes hail from the same area, Santharia for example.

Honourable
This can be very useful in a party situation as Kyrridhil is very VERY unlikely to abandon the group unless he feels it contradicts his beliefs or places himself or a female companion in mortal danger.

Intimidating
Thanks to his appearance and strength, Kyrridhil is extremely intimidating and quite often can make a journey considerably easier just by being present. He doesnt mean to scare people and can feel quite guilty afterwards.


Weaknesses
Intimidating
Although a great help at times, being so damn intimidating makes it hard for Kyrridhil to make friends. It also reduces the chances of him being able to get into a group for the adventures he so dearly desires.

Clean Freak
Kyrridhi,l like most elves of his tribe, is very hygienic. He takes it to the next level and is somewhat of a Clean Freak. During a fight this can be a great disadvantage as if Kyrridhil sees blood drying on his sword, dirt on his armour or worse than those put together, something caught in his hair. Kyrridhil will panic and frantically try to get rid of it before it could dry and leave a mark. A good way of putting Kyrridhil out of a fight for a while is to throw a handful of mud at his armour. Alternatively a good method of bullying him is telling him he has something in his hair!

Over-Protective
As i mentioned earlier, Kyrridhil has a fiery temper when it comes to insults to either him or a female companion he is particularly fond of. He can often find himself in unneccesary fights due to this. Unfortunately for him he tends to get into arguments with the wrong people. Like when he challenged an ogre to a duel because he though the ogre was giving him dirty looks, and promptly got whacked over the head by a large club. He'd be dead right now if he'd tangled with an ogre.

History
When Kyrridhil was born his parents were shocked to see such a large baby, themselves being short even amongst the Aellenhrims. At once they both frantically checked through their family trees trying to rationalise their child, they were scared. For if they could not find a reason, surely someone would accuse Arien, who was his mother, of sleeping with Orcs!
    Finally after almost 3 months of sleepless nights, which were not all to blame on Kyrridhil. Maeglin, the father, found that a few  generations ago, he had an Arthyron relative. Arien and Maeglin relaxed, as the Arthyron were considerably taller than the Aellenhrims. It did not satisfy their worry though, as it was still unusual for a child to so strongly resemble another tribe, especially considering the Aellenhrim blood was for more numerous in his veins. However for the next years. They raised Kyrridhil, finally assured of his heritage.
    Kyrridhil grew quickly for an elf again raising doubts in his parents minds, but these were quickly set aside. When Kyrridhil started schooling, he was ridiculed and did not tend to venture out far from his home. Boys teased from a distance, scared by the muscles which even then were obvious. Girls teased him to his face, safe in the knowledge that Kyrridhil would not retaliate against one of them. All of this started to have an effect on Kyrridhil. He ate less and excercised more, determined to lose the height, weight and strenght he deemed a curse. To no avail. He got shyer as the years went on and as he reached the age of 38, he no longer ventured into the areas where he knew his peers awaited him to tease.
    His mother, Arien took pity on him, and often found him crying in his room. She comforted him, telling him the others were jealous. In his mothers words. Kyrridhil found kindness he did not know from others his age. He ventured out once more into the forests of his homeland. He grew stronger and taller with age but was no longer as ashamed of his body. By the age of 134, he had become more popular with the girls of his tribe. He was still incredibly shy though and resorted to being overbearingly romantic thinking that this might increase his chances of finally being fully accepted by the females of the Aellenhrim.
    This tactic worked, and by now at the age of 342, being as wise a 30 year old human and appearing as a 27 year old would. He has had many good relationships. Admittedly they did generally end badly as his partner finally got fed up of his constant Romanticism(Not sure if this is a word) and left him. Kyrridhil has begun to feel able to approach Women and now has become protective of them. Seeing them now as the ultimate goal for him. His ambition still remains to travel through the Kingdom of Santharia meet as many beautiful women as he can, whilst proving his skill with a blade. He left the forests of the Aellenhrim and travels towards the human Kingdoms.
    After 5 years of wandering through Elven Kingdoms, seeing the wonders of the Dwarven citys and enjoying halfling hopsitality. He has finally arrived. And ready to make his mark on the world.

Weapons
The Greatsword
After years of sparring with his father and pitting himself against numerous foes, some quite unneccisarily  Kyrridhil has become quite accomplished with the Greatsword. Thanks to his Strength, he wields it with ease and is capable of doing a lot of damage with one sweep of this hefty blade. As I've mentioned, you're going to have to change his heritage to keep that strength. Also, his skill with the greatsword should be listed as a strength. You've stated his strength to wield the greatsword as a strength, but that isn't the same as skill. And one final thing about his sword, his training should be included in his history. As to the blade itself. It is of a decent quality, with the blade being well balancedand razor sharp. The hilt is inlaid witha sapphire with no special properties other than boosting the swords worth somewhat. Recently Kyrridhil has wrapped leather around the handle to make it more comfortable to wield for prolonged fights[/color

The Shortbow
By no means Kyrridhil's weapon of choice. He uses this purely for hunting purposes and occasionally to pick off an enemy who Kyrridhil knows neither he or his companions could deal with comfortably with in close combat. Kyrridhil is fairly proficient with this. Although when he misses. Ducking and taking cover would be the best course of action. His skill with the shortbow would be another strength. And there should be some mention of his training with it in the history.

Belongings
-An Ornate, but not expensive scabbard for his sword.
-At least a weeks supply of trail rations.
-A large waterskin.
-Flint
-A small collapsible pot used for cooking meat whilst on the road.
-A sharp knife used for preparing food.
-A money-purse, usually lighter than kyrridhil would prefer.
-A pipe, gifted to him by the hobbits of the Dogodan shire after being a 'Most delightful Elf to have stay with us'. Kyrridhil suspects however they were scared of him and just wanted to keep him pleasd.
-A set of panpipes which serve only to keep him amused.
-A metal wrist band given to him by his parents when he left home to travel the world. It is of no significance or particular worth but reminds him of his parents love in times of darkness and despair

You've got a good start here. ;)
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« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2007, 11:37:59 PM »

Thank you for more comments. Big mix up with the Aellenhrim Aellenhrim thing, i will change Arthyron to a different tribe. I think il go with Ahrim as it is the easiest to spell :P Need to add Greatsword into strength but his shortbow isnt a strength. Just something he happens to have a basic level of skill with.
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