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Author Topic: Mika Samual /(Mostly) Centoraurian/ Vagabond Horsewhisperer  (Read 4952 times)
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Mika
Vagabond Horse Whisperer
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Gender: Male
Posts: 86


Human, mostly Centoraurian


« on: October 20, 2007, 07:07:50 AM »

Name: Mika Samual

Gender: Male

Age: 27

Race: Centoraurian Human with Sanhorrhim-Goltherrhim Elven heritage from 9 to 11 generations back.

Tribe: Centoraurian / Extremely distant Sanhorrhim-Goltherrhim

Occupation: Small time Lyre player and Horse whisperer.

Title: Vagabond Horse whisperer

Overview: Mika is a man who, along with most other Centoraurians, has a gift with horses. His however go deeper. Many on first encounter see him, when wearing his scarf, as a man who  lives in a different world. Such is the depth of his relationship and interaction with horses he appears to have adopted their language for himself.

He is a gentle man in his moment to moment actions, his behaviour is very similar to his partner; Softly. Many describe him in the same way they would her, a gentle and strong figure, but when battle calls a terrifying sight to behold.

He has learned to reign his temper in, but should someone continually agitate him, or speak about harming any animal for fun, or are cruel to them for any reason, his temper will start to burn. Many times his anger has gone unnoticed until the moment chairs fly and punches are thrown.

On many occasions this has lead to an increase in his bar bill, which can often be lessened by an extension to his stay and guarantee of his playing for several nights.

Appearance:
When seen from a distance, his long sun-bleached blond hair and dark eyes are unremarkable for a Centoraurian man, although his slim and well muscled build are more reminiscent of a man three years his junior. Upon closer inspection, perhaps as he bathes in a quickly flowing stream while his mare waters herself, his build is a little more slight and his limbs better proportioned than one might expect, lending him an air of glamour.

His body is notably thinner when looked at closely, the strong bands of muscle across his body giving him a lithe appearance more reminiscent of the horses of which he is so fond of.  Looking closer still, it is possible that his fingers seem a little longer and are more flexible in their movements than is normal of a cavalryman who has seen snow wrapped winters.  While this close it is also possible to see the fine line of his brow beneath the wind tossed hair, the sharply defined brow and neat eyebrows that arch smoothly over his long eyelashes.

These long, luscious eyelashes hide dark brown eyes that will, when angered, turn darker. A sure sign of a controlled rage contained deep inside. As this anger is unleashed, his shapely brow will twist and sharpen, his eyes blacken further and, what was once fair to see, becomes a hateful twisted mockery.

After taking a step back, it is possible to see the many twisted lines of scars criss-crossing across his body, though most are not too deep as they were stopped by the leather armour he wears. They are indicative of the many fights he has fought hard to win and the many brigands that have come too close. The twisted mass that is his adams apple betraying the one that came closest to killing him.

Stepping back again it is possible to see how these scars trace white streaks of lightening across the numerous black tattoos that cover his body. His first marked his skin when he was younger, a prancing stallion on his left bicep, followed by more as he grew. Many were added during his military service until the majority of his back, chest and arms were covered in herds of horses and mounted men waging an eternal war against enemies unseen.

Height: 1 ped and 2 fore's in height, although in the last season he may have grown a further nailsbreadth.

Hair/ Eye Colour: His hair is a sun bleached blond with occasional streaks of brown emerging from beneath the fore long untamed mass of hair. Most of the time, when he is travelling, he ties it back with a simple leather thong. His eyes are a dark brown. His pupils, when looked at closely, seem to be over sized but this may well be perceived as a trick of the light.

Clothing: When relaxing he typically wears a patterned kilt that reaches down to just over his knees, when riding in unfamiliar territory this often changes to a pair of leather trousers, partly for protection against the elements and partly for protection against aggressors.

Commonly, when relaxing outdoors, he wears a rough light coloured, loose fitting long sleeved cotton shirt. However, when he is performing tasks, working, or indoors he will change into a sleeveless shirt. When in his armour, he will normally wear a heavy dark brown or black sleeveless cotton top, with the intention that his scars and tattoos will cause those less stalwart of heart to back down.

Rarely does he wear any jewellery, although he does have a pendant featuring his regiment's crest which he wears at all times. It hangs from a thin leather throng and is hidden beneath his shirt. Around his neck he also wears a dun coloured scarf to cover his distorted adams apple.

Personality:
Day by day Mika is a quiet and gentle man, much like his mare. However, his distant behavior as a youth has followed him into adulthood. Many times in social environments, even before he lost his voice, he would prefer to seat himself away from crowds to drink. Although the one saving grace in this regard was his music, which despite his discomfort, he was often asked to play for the group he was with.

In many ways Mika is a naive individual. Should he, for example, come across a woman or man being hounded out of a village or town as he rides by, and that person call out for aid, he'd pluck them up without a second thought, such is the black and white nature of his world. It is one of the reasons why he finds people so difficult to work with.

His gentle nature and lack of voice, the scarf covering his throat, has lead to many assuming him to be a village idiot. Their patronization of him often makes him swift to anger and, true to his bloodline, their meeting often ends in violence.

Strengths/Weaknesses:

Strengths:
Mounted: The vast majority of his training in fighting has been from a mounted perspective, from border patrols to bandit raids and highway patrols. This has given him every chance to improve upon the training he received from both sides of his family, giving him an excellent standard compared to most other fighters. This experience also extends to the use of his weapons, leading to greater skill while mounted with his sabre, but leading to great difficulty with it when dismounted. Because, for any cavalrymen, the mount becomes an extension of the rider, allowing him to control his opponent, and even strike out.

Weapon Skills: Having been trained in and serving with the military in a mounted role, he has a moderate skill with the lance and sabre while the short bow is his crowning achievement. He has a passable skill with a quarterstaff, only recently having learnt how to use it. He uses a far more defensive stance when engaged in unmounted melee, only occasionally attacking.

Archer: Having been using the bow, or more specifically, a short bow from a young age with training from his distant relatives, to the training given him when he joined the cavalry, he has excelled in its use.  The practical experience he has gained from using it against brigands, thieves and deer has given him a sharp eye and made the use of the weapon instinctual. His regular use of it has made him able to aim for and take advantage of weak spots not normally available to other cavalry men. Some archers have even been heard saying that it is his fifteen years of familiarity with it that has made his skill near if not truly masterful.

Horsemanship: All Centoraurian's are gifted with a sensitivity toward Grothar's Children, but Mika's goes much deeper. He empathizes so deeply with them that, to an extent, he has difficulty interacting with people. This gives him an understanding of horses and their needs and wants, even their whims. So deep is this link that after only a day with a horse he can seemingly read their minds through their actions. Many times an intractable mare has needed to be re-shod and fought her rider and the smith then, when he has approached her, within minutes she is standing quietly by the fire waiting.

Musical: One of the ways he pays for his lodgings is by playing his Lyre. This one more recently purchased than anything else he owns. He plays well, his fingers deft across the strings. He knows few real tunes, mostly soldiers bawdy ballads about maidens of dubious virtue, and sad songs of lost friends and the price of victory.

Literate: He can read accurately, and write as well. But he's never going to be the next great playwright.

Weaknesses:
Horsemanship: His deep empathy with all of Grothar's Children has lead to a marked problem in interacting with people despite his military service. This shows its self in his solitary lifestyle and attitude, along with his difficulty to approach others, as well as in other ways.  In marketplaces, for example, where most people carry on, the hustle and bustle trap and confine him. The constant bumps and nudges from unseen directions cause his temper to rise.

Temper: He has learned to hold back the temper that is the bane of his bloodline, so now simple, minor aggravations don't lead to violent out bursts. However, his irritation does not fade but writhes beneath the surface waiting to emerge. This leads to a near berserker fury if he does not restrain himself and is a constant risk in a fight, leading to wounds that may not have occurred otherwise.  Many minor irritations at the treatment of stallions at a horse fair in the day combined with the hustle and bustle of a busy market, only to find some kids poking sticks at a dog, may well end up in a violent bar fight should someone clip his elbow while he drinks.

Mute: Nearly two years ago whilst responding to a messenger sent to his outpost, Mika suffered a major injury to his throat which all but silenced him. The only sound to come from this once baritone cavalrymen is a limited range of grunts. This limited his unique ability to handle horses for nearly a year, but eventually he has learned to cope with it.

Battle Scars: Not all the scars that cross hatch his body were stopped effectively by the armour he wore. Sometimes people are lucky if they only get winged by an arrow, or if the arrow only penetrates a short distance. Many warriors have counted themselves lucky to have only been nicked by an enemies spear, or to have been near to a competent healer in times of need.

Mika, having operated far away from such healers along with his half lance, was quite frequently wounded. Sadly, many of these wounds were simply bound up inexpertly for weeks before being seen by a healer at a military outpost. The long term result of this means that he has difficulty in breathing when exerting himself. Wether this is fighting in close melee, or running a race or simply lifting a beer cask at a local fair. Physically he is nearly as flexible as any his age, the tissue having healed well on the outside, however, the depth and numbers of his injuries shorten his breath slowly but steadily as he performs difficult tasks.


Weapons:
A short cavalry re-curve bow, true to its heritage the bow is simple and unadorned designed with one purpose in mind, to be straight and true to it's applied task. Like it's partner sabre, it is distinctly of Centoraurian decent but, unlike the sabre, it seems to be of finer construction. As numerous targets, both straw and bandit, will attest, the latter much quieter, its lighter construction in no way diminishes its stopping power.

A quarterstaff, roughly 2 in length made from black birch hardened through age and constant varnishing. It features a simple leather grip roughly a fore and a half long in the centre of its span. Two balanced plain iron caps adorn the ends of the quarterstaff, the better to preserve it as a walking aid, and to aid its user during combat.

A Centoraurian Cavalry sabre, again like its partner bow, this sword is not graceless, but neither is it fancy. It is well forged and finely crafted, much better than many, making it a notable piece. However neither its hilt or guard are adorned or decorated for an officer. A well used and serviceable blade distinctly of Centoraurian decent.

Belongings:
A distinct set of battle leathers made for him by the regiments armourer at his request. The heavy leather of which covers a thin sandwiched layer of steel.

- Two pieces of heavy reinforced leather cover his ribs both around his back and over his chest sealing to his right side. The chest of which features the Centoraurian Crest. Two bands closing at the front protect his kidneys from attack whilst still allowing flexibility. A high guard covers the base of his spine and around to the front covering up to his adams apple, giving him increased protection while only slightly limiting his ability to look down.

-A Pair of heavy reinforced leather greaves cover from his ankles to half a span above his knees that also wrap around the outside to protect from thrusts to his hamstrings.

-A Pair of matched heavy reinforced leather bracer's with hand guards that reach just beyond his elbows. The hand guard showing the regiments crest designed so those looking up at the rider can see it.

A pair of saddle bags containing:
-A months worth of battle rations as well as treats for him and Softly.
-Several needles and threads, as well as salves.
-Snares and a hook and line, in case the situation got dire.
-A small knife for eating with or skinning.
-A well stocked purse.
-Papers of ownership for Softly, also showing her bloodline.
-Papers of recommendation from the Centoraurian forces.

A Carrier for his bow and a quiver, both with waterproof caps that can be removed as necessary.

A kit roll, with leathers for riding in, and for sleeping under. As well as a bedroll for sleeping on.

Familiars/pets
Grothar's Child, Softly, an unusually coloured mare is his new partner gifted by his sister when he left home. Her hide is a rich cinnabrown, unusual for any of her mixed breed, and her white blazed nose and white socks stand out in bright contrast.  Her ultimate sire was a Kev'lor horse deemed too small for breeding true to the line, and was sold at huge expense to Mika's great great grandfather.

Despite his apparently diminutive stature, the bloodline bred true when mated with the stables own stock of Centoraurian mares. This helped the family earn its reputation for mounts with great spirit and strength, along with grace and beauty.

Almost surprisingly at her size of a full 5 fore's, she lives up to her name as a gentle mare who wouldn't hurt a soul. However, when charging she is every span a warhorse and will bite and kick as commanded by Mika.

History:
It had been a beautiful summer, usual business for the Aurora plains, the harvest looked to be good and many gave thanks to Jeyriall for the soft summer rains that watered the land.One of the families that did so was that of young Mika, the son of Mikel and Stranya and brother to Sera. Mikel's ancesterous grandfather had built the small holding decades ago when, according to family legacy he settled down with a wandering Elven bard he had met once whilst recovering from a long misstated duel. The tale however avoided going to far into why she was a wandering bard however, which intrigued a number of sons and daughters to whom the tale was told.

According to the tale she was Sanhorrhim, but ultimately of Goltherrhim decent. It was her soft voice in song that lured him, her passion in arguments that kept him with her, and her grace upon horseback and skill at arms whilst mounted that made him wish to marry her.After year upon year of courtship eventually she agreed and they moved close to a largish copse of woods near to an old abandoned fort in Aurora. The ancestor built the homestead along with former brothers in arms and within a season it was complete.

A number of landowners who worked the fields nearby thought him foolish for building so close to the woods, local history holding it as a place of tricks and eyes in the night, of half spirits and temptations.He joked and argued along with his elven wife, that any such creatures were welcome to come to his home and enjoy the songs that were song, feasts that were eaten and mead that was drunk. Just so long as that by morning light they returned to their wood, leaving the occupants unmolested and hearty.After working the land for several seasons as a farmer he started to invest in horses, building a reputation as a man who, whilst not owning a sizable stable, had some of the best trained war mounts for far and wide. Many thought of his comments and humours when he arrived and felt he worked dark arts. Others simply laughed saying such half spirits were surely not so hateful if he were so prosperous.

And prosperous he was this ancestor and his wife, while their hall was small, and the holding had no great space for guests, they regularly held gatherings, of other stable masters, fellow warriors and of elves that came with their ways, and left with them. Many holders that helped him build his home, supplying stores and woods when money was short were invited also, many remembering privately much more than was spoken of publicly.The land was passed from him to his son, then his sons son, and his sons daughter, wending its way through the generations to the eldest child. Until it came to Mikel and his wife Stranya, then Mika was born.

The family had its successes and failings as did other holders, with the apparent elven heritage cropping up in small signs. Be it paler skin, finer features or a deftness of finger and skill at instruments. Local rumour still held the woods as a place of spirits but now of friendly ones, still tricksters but kindly. If they led you across the fields of a night then you would be home for tea the following day!When he was four years old Sera was born on a cool winters night, her birth as predicted was without difficulty, both mother and daughter surviving the birth.

His father often worried about Mika, his unusually quiet nature making him worry about the likelihood of the family's business, and take care of the family lands. When he was aged six, nearly seven, he started to teach the young lad, whose favourite pastimes included idly plinking at his grandmothers lyre and watching the horses in the fields beyond the holdings wall, how to ride.  Initially unsure and unsteady as young boy would be on the back of a ped and half tall mare, the vacant eyed boy quickly warmed to his mount to his fathers joy. Within a year he began to accompany his father as they rode the borders of their lands, while his sister learned more about homely business.Disappointment started to ache across his fathers heart as the boy took more and more interest in the care and raising of the horses than he did business of the holding.

He couldn't deny however that the boy had an affinity that exceeded even that expected of Centoraurian men.  With a heavy heart he began to instruct his daughter in the business way of the holding, in the market value of such horses and who were the most virtuous buyers. The young lad, now tens years of age however, was quickly becoming a highly adept horseman, coaxing the horse more accurately with his legs than many nobles could with a rein. Seeing that the army would be a place such a rider was welcome, Mikel began to tell his son more of the stories of his youth, of his time in border skirmishes and of great conquests by their tribe. He also encouraged Mika in his experiments with his grandmothers Lyre, every soldier, he said, should have a way to relax after a day of battle.

During the feast that marked his twelfth birthday, an unexpected clatter of hooves sounded across the courtyard of the small holding. Mikel along with his wife and the few closest holders were curious to the noise and so Mikel, along with his son investigated. It transpired that a trio of elves, claiming family bonds to Mika's ancestorous grandmother had learned in their own way of his coming of age.  They were welcomed and joined the family in the celebration, although Mika's sister was uncertain as to what to make of them. During that night, long after Mika had gone to bed, his sister too. His father and mother, along with their distant elven relatives, spoke and laughed, discussing the holding and the children. Having learned of the boys adept nature whilst mounted, and his musical curiosity, and at the fathers request it was agreed that their visits would become more frequent.

Mikel made improvements to a small hut that increased its usefulness from a store shed on the far side of his lands, to something approaching a habitable abode.  Its was here for months at a time where Mika would live with one or other of his elven relations, learning the elven methods of riding, archery and horsemanship. It was also here that he learned one of the curses of his blood line. His brow was finer than many of the local boys, even his build was thinner, leading to an assumption that he was in need of a few good meals. These were but small betrayals of his families line, a darker secret being the violence that came sharp and quick from anger.  Knowing that the boy would need to master such a temper or find himself dead or in prison from such a secret, they taught him to harness it as best a human could, turning someone that was a potential Berserk, to a sharper more deadly swordsmen.  But not all lessons he learned in that hut were deadly.

Taking great pleasure in his, admittedly dubious experimentation, they were more than pleased to teach him how to play the lyre. His fingers were more adept at teasing the strings and coaxing half imagined dreams to sound than they were at hacking and cleaving at wooden men.  As he learned the ways of war, and of a mounted man, Sera learned the necessary lessons she would need to know to inherit the land of her father. Neither of them begrudged the other their tasks, Mika was absorbed in the world of music and horses, and Sera cared about her older brother, knowing that as good a man as he may be, he was not suited for such a task as holder. Though they joked, he would be welcome more there as a stable master than anywhere in Sarvonia.

One night when Mika was nearly twenty years of age he was tending to the pregnant mares in a lower field, playing his lyre in the crisp night, he heard the sharp ring off steel on steel. He was slow to respond initially not believing that the sound of weapons would be crashing across such a perfect night.  As they continued, he was quick to mount and rode hard toward the just in time to see what had transpired. His father had been holding a small gathering for a few friends and they had been leaving when the had been attacked.

A half score of men had attacked Mikel and his guest as he had seen them to the road, they were all well soaked with ale and were well fed, they carried blades a few of them and another a staff with which they had defended themselves. Mika saw this and at once drew the short bow from its pouch and slowing his mare to a halt quickly notched and released three arrows in short time. One struck home to deadly effect, catching an unsuspecting brigand in the neck, another slamming home in an upraised arm, the third narrowly missing a resting place in his side.  Startled by this unexpected attack, they started to turn to face the attack, but even as they did so, Mika continued to fire, his aiming near instinctual only the distance and lack of illumination making his arrows miss their intended targets.

The group split, some staying to fight the revellers and Mikel, others fleeing and a pair starting to run toward Mika who was still some distance away. He clenched his thighs and the mare reacted instantly running, then charging toward the pair. Mika's fingers didn't slow as he reached down to the quiver on the dun mares flank notching arrows at a terrible speed. One buried itself deep in a bandits chest, another struck the second in the leg and he stumbled, the Mare didn't stop as she ploughed into him crushing the man beneath her hooves.

At his screams, the heart of those attacking his father and his friends left them and they broke, Mika didn't hear the sound of his fathers voice as it called to him the thunder of the mares hooves and the pounding of the blood in his vanes the only thing that mattered.  As they ran he fired at them, many falling with a pair of arrows in their back, or hobbling as arrows sought rest in legs. To Mika's mind there was only a red haze and soon he found himself out of arrows and beyond the front of the fleeing men. The bow was shoved roughly into a holster and he rode back toward the bandits, but seeing him now, they could avoid his charges better, even in their injured states.  Eventually they managed to scatter into the night and the rage faded from him, the shouts of his father affecting his world.  He rode back and dismounted, the damage that his hesitation had caused, according to his perception, evident by the wounds suffered by the revellers. Mikel and Mika took them back to the holding where Stranya and Sera bandaged their wounds while Mika and Mikel helped as best they could.

Come the morning Mika and Mikel, who had been more sober than his friends and been able to defend himself better, returned to the fields. The previous night Mika had only seen the men as wooden targets, but come morning he saw the damage he and his mare had caused. Talking to his father after recovering the bodies and burning them, for there was no need to create illness by leaving the corpses to rot, and checking on the minor wounds caused by the fleeing bandits to the mare, Mika made the decision to leave the holding.

He joined the army, as all Centoraurians are expected to do so to prove themselves citizens, and as his father had expected his skills were welcomed there, surprisingly so was his musical ability. The business received renewed custom as the training of Mika's mount and its bloodlines were mentioned among the men.  He learned the use of a sabre as well as a lance for cavalry manoeuvres, showing great leadership ability as well as horsemanship, aiding the smiths and healers with the mounts when it was asked of him.  Once on a long range patrol with his half lance, they encountered a group of well concealed brigands. They knew the site was an ambush, and had read reports that placed the band at only a small number of men. When the trap was sprung, it soon be came apparent that they were rapidly out numbered.

As he fought clear with his men, an archer made a lucky shot the shaft of which parted the air less than a nails thickness from Mika's throat. The head of the arrow cut a ragged slice from the flesh of his neck, thinking they had downed him the brigands encircling his horse moved away. His mare taking the chance dove forward and away even as Mika held his breath and his throat.  He fully expected not to be living as he heard the cheers behind him as Nosey galloped trying to catch up with the rest of the lance who had already fought free. Unable to hold his breathe any longer, darkening vision obscuring the withers of mare in front of him he risked a slow breath out, expecting the taste of blood to fill his mouth. It didn't. Just as tentatively he breathed in, no fluid filled his lungs. avoiding risk he took shallow breaths, still leaning forward over his mount.

Eventually they stopped and one of his men lifted him slowly fearing him dead, his hand bloody and fallen now. But Mika simply slept, after a while when his wound had been cleaned it appeared that the arrow had ravaged  his throat enough to cause him to be unable to speak, but had not gone deep enough to stop him from breathing although for many days it was still difficult to do so. The only thing that kept him from rising in the ranks during his time under arms, was his lack of "camaraderie" as the officers saw it. He would be with the men, leading them as appropriate during patrols, and he directed a lance of men with good ability, but he didn't interact as his superiors expected.  He left the army after just over 7 years with recommendations from his superiors, and with fond farewells from the men who served with him. He returned to his home to bad news as his sister met him at the entrance to the holding. His father had passed away the winter before and she had been unable to reach him, the letters he had written infrequently hardly reaching her. She didn't blame him, Mikel had passed away from an infection from an injury when away at a horsefair, their mother had passed away a short time after seemingly from a broken heart.

Mika stayed home for but 2 short months, helping his sister who now hired a number of men to help with the running of the holding which now, thanks to the military trade, was running better than before. Mika had little place there, his talent with horses was welcomed, but he despaired of the way some of the mares and stallions were treated. Sera marked this down to the time he had spent with "those damned elves" whilst denying the fine lines and thin lips that were evidence of her own inheritance. He knew that whatever he could have tried to say would fall on deaf ears. He left his home well provisioned one morning, taking a powerful re-curve bow that had been gifted by his elven relatives one summers eve when they had visited while he was away.

He took his sabre, the one that had served him well on patrols into bandit territory, and also his fathers quarterstaff which he had used to defend himself with that fateful night. As he rode it sat in the holster by his foot previously used for a lance.  Over the back of the saddle he carried a kit roll with containing waterproof leathers he used as bedding, and in two saddle bags he carried enough stores to last him a month as fighting rations. His sister had watched him packing without a word, knowing how he felt, and before he saddled his mare took him down to another end of the stables. She made a gift of one of the better mounts, one that was fresher than his mare, and a full span taller. A truer mount for him she said.

A gentle squeeze on her shoulder before taking her in a tight embrace as a tear fell from a tired eye was all the thanks he could give her. After a long time he released her and saddled the mare for the long journey ahead, strapping his greaves and armour on just before he left. Sera wondered where he was going, but didn't ask. She knew he wouldn't be able to say, but just wished he would write sometime
« Last Edit: November 09, 2007, 08:36:36 PM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

Reality and Normality are both Perceptions of the Mind.
Challenge Normality and watch your Reality Change.
Self Belief and Courage are all that is Required.

Mika
Vagabond Horse Whisperer
Approved Character
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Gender: Male
Posts: 86


Human, mostly Centoraurian


« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2007, 01:24:56 AM »

Okay, I know theres at least three things that still need working on, two of which are minor, and the third is being put together slowly although its already there in the rest of it, honest.

So im going to throw this up for comments and hope it doesn't come back too full of holes, but feel free to do so! In fact, do so, it'll make it alot better.
Logged

Reality and Normality are both Perceptions of the Mind.
Challenge Normality and watch your Reality Change.
Self Belief and Courage are all that is Required.

Twn Arerwn
Death's Mistress
Approved Character
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Gender: Female
Posts: 4928


Elf, Iferhm


« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2007, 02:35:49 AM »

Hello Mika and welcome to Santharia! This is a very nicely written CD, with a lot of Santharian flavor. I applaud your efforts in regards to the research for this character. My Comments shall be in the ever-ugly color: orange
Stengths:

Mounted: The majority of his training in fighting has been from a mounted perspective, from border patrols to bandit raids and highway patrols. This has given him every chance to improve upon his family training to give him an excellant standard compared to most other mounted troops. This experiance also extends to the use of his weapons, leading to great skill while mounted with his sabre, but leading to difficulty when dismounted.

Archer: Having been using the bow, or more specifically a shortbow from a young age with training from his distant relatives, to the training given him when he joined the cavalry, he has excelled in its use.  The practical experiance he has gained from using it against brigands, thieves and deer has given him a sharp eye and made the use of the weapon instinctual. His regular use of it has made him able to aim for and take advantage of weakspots not normally available other cavalry men. All of the other weapons he can use must be listed in strengths. You have the bow, lance, sabre and quarterstaff listed as weapons he uses. At the age of 26 it is unlikely he knows the amount of weapon skills you have referenced. More than likely he would be considered excellent with the bow (almost masterful) while only decent to fair with 1-2 others.

Horsemanship: All Centoraurians are gifted with a sensitivity toward Grothar's Children, but Mika's goes much deeper. He so deeply empathizes with them to an extent that he has difficulty interacting with people. This gives him an understanding of horses and their needs and wants, even their whims. Many times an intractable mare has needed to be re-shod and fought her rider and the smith then when he has approached her, within minutes she is standing quietly by the fire waiting.

Musical: One of the ways he pays for his lodgings is by playing his Lyre. This one more recently purchased than anything else he owns. He plays well, his fingers deft across the strings, but uunlike most bards or payers, he never sings. He knows few real tunes, mostly soldiers bawdy ballads about maidens of dubious virtue, and sad songs of lost friends and the price of victory.

Weakness's:

Dismounted Cavalrymen: When dismounted Mika is at a serious disadvantage when fighting, used to using his mounts weight he has started using a quarterstaff. He uses it well, but not near the excellance at which he uses his bow and when mounted his sabre. This is not a weakness but more a limitation of his strengths. Lack of weapon skills in any regard does not make a weakness, since the average person has no weapon skills.

Horseman: His deep empathy with all of Grothar's Children has lead to a marked problem in interacting with people despite his military service.  In marketplaces for example, where most people carry on, the hustle and bustle trap and confine him. The constant bumps and nudges from unseen directions cause his temper to rise.

Temper: He has learnt to hold back the temper that is the bane of his bloodline, so now simple, minor aggravations don't lead to violent out bursts. However, most of the time his irritation does not fade but bubbles beneath the surface waiting to burst.  Many minor irritations at the treatment of stallions at a horsefair in the day, combined with the hustle and bustle of a busy market, only to find some kids poking sticks at a dog, may well end up in a violent bar fight should someone clip his elbow while he drinks.
As it stands his strengths far outweigh his weaknesses. But it is hard to determine how much, until the adjustments I mentioned are made. Please keep his age in mind, his mixed heritage does not lend him leeway in this regard. If anything it would "slow" his learnings. Elves learn at a more measured pace than humans do, hence it takes more time.
~Sincerely~
Co f cr'tuuln:Twen Araerwen
« Last Edit: October 21, 2007, 02:39:05 AM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

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« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2007, 05:37:29 AM »

I'd just like you to think how difficult it is to be a fish out of water, in my line of work, people with my social background are near nonexistent. I was attempting to put a little of that into the character, you start with what you know as they say.

He'd have been serving for 7 years, give or take a month either way. Thats a long time, considering it took me 16 weeks during basic to learn how to fire a rifle, then a nasty 5 hours to translate this into a real skill. Plus many people dont have formal training in using knives, but i bet you could make a nasty mess of someone if you had one, or slow someone down who was half decent irl or otherwise.

I also think you've under-rated how different a mounted fighting style is from unmounted. Yes, he can use a quarter staff, the reason why it isn't in his strengths is, he isn't very good at it. Its a skill he's still developing, his actions with it will be mainly defensive until he swings it like a bat for an offensive maneuver.

He can use a sabre, yes, but unmounted, face to face, he isn't very good. He cant use his mount to force an opponent away, or to run, and use the sabre as he flee's. A lance is a charging weapon, its useless in close melee, unmounted especially as its too long to use up close and personal. Its like a spear but very limited in its application due to its length.

The reason the bow is in his strengths, and a short bow I may add, is because that is his weapon of choice he has been using it for the last 14 years. He's trained extensively with that, even with a longbow there would be a skills difference. To use non Caelereth examples again im afraid, I use an SA80 day by day, I could use an M16 as they are both rifles, but I'd take a while to adjust.

To summarize, when he's mounted he's a good fighter, and spot on archer, when dismounted he's very defensive and a spot on archer.

But i've taken into mind what you also said about the rate of learning and tweaked all things accordingly!
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« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2007, 05:59:16 AM »

Hiya again Mika! Well since you seem to be a military man you can easily understand this. I do not make the rules, I relay them to writers as they are defined. Though much of what you say is true IRL, does not make it so in a fantasy setting.

Trust me sir, I do not underestimate nor do I not acknowledge the difference between mounted and unmounted combat. But those are limitations of strengths in regards to this character "not" true weaknesses. This would be similar to saying "I can kill you easily at 300 yards with a rifle but at 400+ yards I get inaccurate." This does not change the base skills effectiveness. Understand?

You must also take into account, once again, that this is an ancient setting. It takes more time to learn things for the simple fact that living takes more time also. A bath does not take someone 10-20 minutes like it does IRL. Nor can one in this type of setting simply turn the stove on when hungry. The practicalities of living come into play a bit, hence hampering the exponential rate of learning.

When I get a few moments of freetime I shall return for another complete read. As I said before ..... A wonderful CD that was/is a pleasure to read.
~Sincerely~
Co f cr'tuuln:Twen Araerwen
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« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2007, 06:05:53 AM »

I take all your points and give two thumbs up, i get you loud and clear, and i've already been running through some more changes since i edited it.

Thanks for the response and hopefully i'll have the re-edits done by the next time you return.

Edit: Can any readers confirm a score is twenty?

Edit'd Edit: Thanks! I just threw some numbers into the Elven Aging Calculator and got some fun numbers back.

Numbers are based on Sanhorrhim/Human followed by 8-10 generations Human. Also used 27 years of knowledge and training. Results are: Looks like a 23.5 year old, knowledge and training of a 27 year old and is 26 years old.

Tweaked the numbers and ended up with a real age of 27, looks of a 24 year old and experience of a 28 year old. The edits are going to be appearance based as theres no huge differance... I just realized there was no reason to post this.. *Wanders off muttering to himself*
« Last Edit: October 22, 2007, 09:25:35 PM by Mika » Logged

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« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2007, 07:03:23 AM »

Yes, a score is twenty.  So says the farmer in "Ace" by Dick-King-Smith :P

Edit: I'm now going to be really annoying and tell you that in RL as far as I know only Stallions can be trained to kick and bite on command, mares and geldings cannot (something about them lacking the basic instincts for training). I don't know how strict we are about this on Santharia, but I thought I'd just stick the information out there...
« Last Edit: October 24, 2007, 10:07:30 PM by Rookie Brownbark » Logged

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« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2007, 03:43:34 PM »

Page 2 avoidance bump. All edits in brown.

Edit: I was backing the assumption of kicking on the fact that any horse, mare or stallion, will rear or kick, both ways striking out with their hooves. Plus according to entries here and information i've looked at mares were typically used as war horses due to their more easily controlled nature. Stallions were prized for their tenacity and strength, but often got ahead of themselves and required more control.

Ref. Centoraurian War Horses
On the whole, they tend to be bigger and heavier but the difference is not dramatic. They are usually mares - the Centoraurians believe that mares are better behaved and more trainable than stallions.

I'll edit the bit about biting out if you don't feel its applicable, but any horse can bite, its just a case of how eager they are to do so. As for geldings, its usually done to minimize aggressive tendencies in male horses and to make them un-breedable(sp?) i thought?
« Last Edit: October 26, 2007, 03:31:25 AM by Mika » Logged

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« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2007, 04:53:17 AM »

Ok, another page 2 avoidance bump to send this up. Anyone with any opinion at all is more than welcome to put a few words on the end of this thread.

I mean Anyone. Come on now... Surely theres something you like, dont like or want redefining.
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« Reply #9 on: October 27, 2007, 07:34:18 AM »

Quote
Weakness's:

Dismounted Cavalrymen: When dismounted Mika is at a serious disadvantage when fighting, used to using his mounts weight he fights defensively. This should be deleted as was mentioned beforehand. You have it listed in his strengths as a limitation, this is repetitive.

Horsemanship: His deep empathy with all of Grothar's Children has lead to a marked problem in interacting with people despite his military service. This shows its self in his solitary lifestyle and attitude, along with his difficulty to approach others, as well as in other ways.  In marketplaces for example, where most people carry on, the hustle and bustle trap and confine him. The constant bumps and nudges from unseen directions cause his temper to rise.

Temper: He has learnt to hold back the temper that is the bane of his bloodline, so now simple, minor aggravations don't lead to violent out bursts. However his irritation does not fade but writhes beneath the surface waiting to emerge. This leads to a near berserker fury if he does not restrain himself, and is a constant risk in a fight, leading to wounds that may not have occurred otherwise.  Many minor irritations at the treatment of stallions at a horsefair in the day, combined with the hustle and bustle of a busy market, only to find some kids poking sticks at a dog, may well end up in a violent bar fight should someone clip his elbow while he drinks.

Mute: Wouldn't this make his horsemanship more difficult? Also: Much of this should be moved into his history section, only the negative impact needs to be listed here. He has a tendency to wear a thin dun colored piece of fabric covering his neck, to hide a roughly healed scar that mars the front of his throat. Once on a long range patrol with his half lance, they encountered a group of well concealed brigands. They knew the site was an ambush, and had read reports that placed the band at only a small number of men. When the trap was sprung, it soon be came apparent that they were rapidly out numbered.

As he fought clear with his men, an archer made a lucky shot the shaft of which parted the air less than a nails thickness from Mika's throat. The head of the arrow cut a ragged slice from the flesh of his neck, thinking they had downed him the brigands encircling his horse moved away. His mare taking the chance dove forward and away even as Mika held his breath and his throat.

He fully expected not to be living as he heard the cheers behind him as Nosey galloped trying to catch up with the rest of the lance who had already fought free. Unable to hold his breathe any longer, darkening vision obscuring the withers of mare in front of him he risked a slow breath out, expecting the taste of blood to fill his mouth. It didn't. Just as tentatively he breathed in, no fluid filled his lungs. avoiding risk he took shallow breaths, still leaning forward over his mount.

Eventually they stopped and one of his men lifted him slowly fearing him dead, his hand bloody and fallen now. But Mika simply slept, after a while when his wound had been cleaned it appeared that the arrow had ravaged  his throat enough to cause him to be unable to speak, but had not gone deep enough to stop him from breathing although for many days it was still difficult to do so...

You also use the word "learnt" frequently in the CD. It should be "learned" not learnt. There are a few other misspelled words throughout the CD. Using the spellcheck onsite would fix many of these errors.
~Sincerely~
Co f cr'tuuln:Twen Araerwen
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« Reply #10 on: October 28, 2007, 06:35:11 AM »

Sorry about that! *must remember to start with the simple things in future and also not to spell things phonetically*

I've sorted the Cavalry issue, and tweaked the Mute Weakness a wee bit. He still cant speak, but now can grunt in a variety of tones, not too dissimilar to anyone caught stumbling back into home from work at 2 am.  grin

Up for more comments and criticism!
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« Reply #11 on: October 28, 2007, 10:05:41 AM »

Alright, I'm just gonna pick apart your grammar for now, as I don't have the endurance to go through and check anything else at this time. :D
Also, I stopped before the Strengths and Weaknesses section because it was extremely tiring. If you could do me a favor and just look over the rest of the CD yourself and see if it sounds good to the ear, that way we won't have to spend so much time uri-ing.

Also, I didn't catch everything, but I did catch most of it. And some sentences had such wierd structure that I wrote in optional alternatives for you. Anyways, really creative guy and wonderful appearance section.





Name: Mika Samual

Gender: Male

Age: 27

Race: Centoraurian Human with Sanhorrhim-Goltherrhim Elven heritage from 9 to 11 generations back.

Tribe: Centoraurian / Extremely distant Sanhorrhim-Goltherrim

Occupation: Small time Lyre player and Horse whisperer.

Title: Vagabond Horsewhisperer

Overview: Mika is a man who, (Comma)along with most other Centoraurians, has a gift with horses. (Period) His however go deeper. Many on first encounter see him, when not wearing his scarf, Many who first encounter him without his scarf recognize him as a man who lives in a different world or and has adopted accepted the language of horses as his own. (Period) Such is the depth of his relationship and interaction with horses.

He is a gentle man in his moment to moment actions, and his behavior is very similar to his partner's; softly. Many describe him in the same way they would her: (Colon) a gentle and strong figure, (Comma) but when battle calls, (Comma) a terrifying sight to behold.

He has learned to reign his temper in, but should someone continual continually agitate him, or speak about harming any an animal for fun, or are cruel to them for any reason, (Comma) his temper will start to burn. Many times his anger has gone unnoticed until the moment chairs fly and punches are thrown.

On many occasions this has lead to an increase in his bar bill, which can often be lessened by an extension to his stay and guarantee of his playing for several nights.


Appearance:

When seen from a distance, his long sunbleached blond hair and dark colored eyes are unremarkable for a Cantoraurian Centoraurian man, although his slim and well muscled build are more reminiscent of a man three years his junior. Upon closer inspection, perhaps as he washes bathes in a fast running moving stream while his mare waters herself downstream, his build is a little more slight and well proportioned than usual. <- (Does this make sense to you??)

His body is notably thinner when looked at examined closely, and the strong bands of muscle across his body giving give him a lithe look. He is more reminiscent of the horses of which he is so fond, with seemingly no fat on his body at all it seems.  Looking closer still, it is possible that his fingers seem a little longer, and are more flexible in their movements than is normal of a cavalryman who has seen snow wrapped winters.  While this close, (comma) also it is it is also possible to see the fine line of his brow beneath the his sun browned skin, and the his fine brow and neat eyebrows that which are seated above long eyelashes.

These long, wide eyelashes cover dark brown eyes that will, (Comma) when angered turn even darker, a sure sign of a controlled rage contained inside. As this anger is unleashed, the sharp brow will twist, the eyes blacken further, (Comma) and what was once fair to look at becomes a hateful mockery.

Moving away from this close up distance it is possible to see the many twisted lines of cuts and scars that criss-cross his body. (Period) Most are not too deep having been stopped by the leather armour he wears.They are indicative of the fights he has fought hard to win, and the many brigands that have come too close. The twisted mass that is his Adams Apple betraying the one that came closest to killing him.

Stepping away, (Comma) it is possible to see how these scars trace white lines across the numerous black tattoo's tattoos that cover his body. His first, (Comma) when he was younger, (Comma) was of a prancing stallion on his left bicep, followed by more as he grew. Many were added during his military service until the majority of his back, chest and arms were covered in herds of horses and mounted men waging an eternal war against enemies unseen.

Height: 1 ped and 2 1/2 2.5 fore's in height, although in the last season he may have grown a further nailsbreadth.

Hair/Eye Colour: His hair is a sun bleached blond blonde with occasional streaks of brown emerging from beneath the fore long mass of hair. Most of the time when he is traveling, (Comma) he ties it back with a simple leather thong. His eyes are a dark brown, and his pupils, (Comma) when looked at closely, (Comma) seem to be over sized, (Comma) but but, this may well be perceived as a trick of the light.

Clothing: When relaxing he typically wears a patternd kilt that reaches down to just over his knees, but when riding this changes to a pair of leather trousers, partly for protection against the elements, and partly for protection against aggressors.

He commonly wears a light colored, loose fitting long sleeved cotton shirt when outside relaxing, changing and changes into a sleeveless shirt for performing worktasks and work indoors. When in his armour he will normally wear a dark brown or black heavy cotton sleeveless top, the better to with the purpose of intimidate intimidating other fighters with his scars and tattoo's.

Rarely does he wear any jewelery jewelry, (Comma) although he does have a pendant which features his regiments regiment's crest that hangs from a leather thong; (Semi-Colon) something he wears under his shirt at all times. Around his neck he also wears a dun coloured scarf to cover his distorted Adams apple.


Personality:

Day by day Mika is a quiet and gentle man, much like his Mare. However his distant behavior as a youth has followed him into adulthood. Many times in social environments, even before he lost his voice, he would prefer to seat sit away from the crowd to drink. Although the one saving grace in this regard was his music, which despite his discomfort, he was often asked to play for the group he was with.

In many ways, (Comma) Mika is a naive individual. (Period) Should he, (Comma) for example, (Comma) he come across a woman or man being hounded out of a village or town, and the person called for aid, (Commad) he would pluck them up and behind them without a second thought. Such is the black and white nature of his world. It is one of the reasons why he finds people so difficult to work with.

His gentle nature, (Comma) and lack of voice, and the scarf covering his throat, lead to many many to assuming assume him that he is a village idiot, and treat him as such. This patronization making makes him swift to anger, and true to his bloodline, (Comma) things often ends end in violence.
« Last Edit: October 28, 2007, 10:08:22 AM by Jiro » Logged
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« Reply #12 on: October 29, 2007, 02:59:14 AM »

I'm more than happy to take your spelling changes and grammar corrections into account mate, but sometimes they make a sentence hard to follow or understand! Also words such as Blond/e are different in American and English, and while im English my computer edits in American, so please forgive these foibles. Also some of your suggestions for words are a little cold, I know that isn't a real value, but i hope you understand!


Concerning Grammar.
I tend to write how I speak, comma's representing pauses and changes in direction of the flow of the sentence, but there is such a thing as too many. When I say things out loud yes there possibly should be a comma when it is written, but the flow of the sentence changes. Just as a really naff example take this sentence.

Verbal:      I went via the fishmongers and got half a pound of Haddock before coming back home.
Written 1: I went via the fishmongers, and got half a pound of Haddock before coming back home.
Written 2: I went via the fishmongers, and got half a pound of Haddock, before coming back home.

I tend to speak as I wrote the top one, I know that I should speak and write like written 1, but in a number of sentences you've asked for a pause between each and every individual action. It keeps on slamming the breaks of the narrative flow. When I write a description like this I have a tendancy to write as if im speaking, with all the quirks that entails.


Concerning Descriptions/Terminology.
Another thing I've got a minor quirk with is my descriptions. I've written that he has a build "a little more slight and well proportioned than usual". Im 20 years old, and my neck is out of proportion to the rest of my body. Looking at an average 6ft 4 bloke also, im skinnier. This would lead to me being not as well proportioned as others.

What Im hinting at here is a concept of "perfection" that elves are often accused of appearing as. That ethereal quality that he has from his Sanhorrhim-Goltherrhim heritage. I am of course comparing this against the average Centoraurian male, which i described him as looking distinctly similar to.

Ref. "unremarkable for a Centoraurian man, although his slim and well muscled build are more reminiscent of a man three years his junior"


As I pick apart my own writing with your recommendations i find myself disagreeing quite strongly in parts... Its not personal honest! Its your terminology I have a thing with in most cases.

Ref. "Many who first encounter him without his scarf recognize him as a man who lives in a different world." Yours
Ref. Many on first encounter see him, when not wearing his scarf, as a man who  lives in a different world. Mine

Putting matters of grammar aside lets go for the word you'd like put in. Recognize - tends to mean familiar with, how many times have they seen him occupy his own private world when he's communing with the horses? This is a first time viewing of this gent. The atmosphere Im looking to build around him is one of strangeness, of oddity. Prompting the reader to question why he is this way. Either being intrigued by it, or shying away from him.

Also there are places where you've suggested word changes, but those changes have completly changed the meaning of the sentence. For example:

Ref. "a sleeveless shirt for performing work tasks and indoors."
becomes
Ref. "a sleeveless shirt for performing work indoors."

Barring grammar errors confusing the issue, he wears sleeveless clothing when working, and when he's inside. Not as you'd have me say, when working indoors. To quote Alice cooper, perhaps a little out of context, "Its just the little things, that drive me wild" .


I am taking what you've said into account though and editing appropriately!
« Last Edit: October 30, 2007, 04:41:39 AM by Mika » Logged

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« Reply #13 on: October 30, 2007, 05:43:38 AM »

Ok, bounced through Microsoft Works for grammar and spelling issues.

Comments and issues please!
« Last Edit: October 30, 2007, 06:02:32 AM by Mika » Logged

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« Reply #14 on: October 30, 2007, 08:06:16 AM »

Bonjour! ^__^  I will be going over a small section of your CD today. As I am not a mod or anyone with any type of authority around here, really, all of my comments are merely suggestions. Thus, should you feel so inclined, you can completely ignore everything I say.

All comments/corrections/suggestions will be formated gorgeous in green.



Appearance:

When seen from a distance, his long sun-bleached<-(Missing modifier.) blond hair and dark eyes are unremarkable for a Centoraurian man, although his slim and well muscled build are more reminiscent of a man three years his junior. Upon closer inspection, perhaps as he bathes in a quickly flowing stream while his mare waters herself downstream<-(This word seems unnecessary and, thus, you can remove it if you so wish.), his build is a little more slight and his limbs better proportioned than one might expect, lending him an air of glamour.

His body is notably thinner when looked at closely, the strong bands of muscle across his body giving him a lithe look<-(There's no real problem here. But you just used the word "look" (in one form or another), so how about replacing this one with: "appearance"?). More reminiscent of the horses of which he is so fond, with seemingly no fat on his body.<-(This sentence seems a bit off to me. How about: ""Being more reminiscent of the horses of which he is so fond, he seemingly has no fat on his body."" ?) Looking closer still, it is possible that his fingers seem a little longer,(no comma here) and are more flexible in their movements than is normal of a cavalryman who has seen snow wrapped winters. While this close, it is also possible to see the fine line of his brow beneath the sun bronzed skin, the fine brow and neat eyebrows that arch smoothly over his long eyelashes.<-(This sentence doesn't make sense to me. Though, it might just be me. However, I would consider rephrasing it. Though, since I don't know what you were trying to say, I can't help you here. Perhaps someone else will be of better assisstence on this one.)

These long, wide<-(The word "wide" may not have been the right phrasing here. How about replacing it with the word "thick", as I think that might make more sense?) eyelashes cover<-(The word "cover" doesn't quite make sense. Perhaps you meant to use the word "frame"?) dark brown eyes that will, when angered, turn darker. (How about:)->This is a <-(instead?) sure sign of a controlled rage contained deep inside. As this anger is unleashed, the<-("the" doesn't really make sense. You could be referring to any brow. How about "his"?) shapely brow will twist and sharpen, the<-(Again, how about you change it to "his"?) eyes blacken further and,(comma) what was once fair to see,(comma) becomes a hateful twisted mockery.

Stepping away from this close up it is possible to see the many twisted lines of cuts and scars that criss-cross his body, most are not too deep, having been stopped by the leather armour he wears.<-(This sentence make sense but seems odd to me. How about: ""After taking a step back, it is possible to see the many twisted lines of scars crisscrossing across his body, though most are not too deep as they were stopped by the leather armour he wears."" ?) They are indicative of the many fights he has fought hard to win,(no comma here) and the many brigands that have come too close. The twisted mass that is his ( :) Neither of these words need to be capitalized)-> adams apple betraying the one that came closest to killing him.

Stepping back again it is possible to see how these scars trace white streaks of lightening across the numerous black tattoos that cover his body. His first marked his skin when he was younger, a prancing stallion on his left bicep, followed by more as he grew. Many were added during his military service until the majority of his back, chest and arms were covered in herds of horses and mounted men waging an eternal war against enemies unseen.

Height: 1 ped and 2 fore's in height, although in the last season he may have grown a further nails(no space)breadth. ("nailsbreadth" is one word :) )

Hair/ Eye Colour: His hair is a sun bleached blond with occasional streaks of brown emerging from beneath the fore long untamed mass of hair. Most of the time,(comma) when he is travelling,(comma) he ties it back with a simple leather thong. His eyes are a dark brown.(period) His pupils,(comma) when looked at closely,(comma) seem to be over sized but,(no comma here) this may well be perceived as a trick of the light.

Clothing: When relaxing he typically wears a patterned kilt that reaches down to just over his knees, when riding in unfamiliar territory this often changes to a pair of leather trousers, partly for protection against the elements and partly for protection against aggressors.

He commonly wears a light coloured, loose fitting, long sleeved rough cotton shirt when outside relaxing, changing into a sleeveless shirt for performing work tasks and indoors.<-(It's kind of a long sentence. Perhaps you should break it up into two. How about: ""Commonly, when relaxing outdoors, he wears a rough light coloured, loose fitting long sleeved cotton shirt. However, when he is performing tasks, working, or indoors he will change into a sleeveless shirt"" ?) When in his armour he will normally wear a dark brown or black heavy cotton sleeveless top,<-(This arrangement seems awkward to me. How about: ""When in his armour, he will normally wear a heavy dark brown or black sleeveless cotton top,"" ?) with the intention that his scars and tattoos will cause those less stalwart of heart to back down.

Rarely does he wear any jewellery, although he does have a pendant which features his regiments crest that hangs from a leather thong, something he wears under his shirt at all times. <-(This sentence is awkward. How about: ""Rarely does he wear any jewellery, although he does have a pendant featuring his regiment's crest which he wears at all times. It hangs from a (thin?) leather throng and is hidden beneath his shirt."" ?) Around his neck he also wears a dun coloured scarf to cover his distorted (Neither of these words needed to be capitalized. ^_^)-> adams apple.



Well... That about does it for now!  ;)  Good luck on getting your approval, dollface!

~ heart Nox heart ~
« Last Edit: October 30, 2007, 08:15:15 AM by Nox Belle » Logged

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