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Author Topic: Kelodin the Outcast/Erpheronian/Burglar  (Read 6852 times)
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Kelodin the Outcast
Wolf’s Head
Approved Character
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Posts: 115


Human, Proudman


« on: June 15, 2008, 12:04:24 PM »

Name
Kelodin the Outcast

Gender
Male

Age
26

Race
Human 

Tribe
Proudman

Occupation
Cat Burglar

Title
The Wolf’s Head


Character Portrait
http://drakonis.org/albums/rogue-m/roguem118.jpg
 
Overview:
Kelodin is an orphan and an outcast. Born of a once-prestigious family, he has fallen from spoiled noble to altruistic brigand, roving Sarvonia with the Black Butterfly Rovers.

Physical Appearance
Kelodin is handsome, even for a Proudman. His features are sharp and angular, bringing to mind a hawk. His jet-black hair is long, worn in the ponytail characteristic of both his Erpheronian  ancestry, and his adopted family of Black Butterfly Rovers. His frame is not the standard Erpheronian build- he is tall and slender, standing at nearly 2 peds tall, and weighing only a bit over a pygge and a half. However, his build is more lean then skinny, and he possess considerable muscle.
Kelodin’s hazel eyes are best described as piercing, though they can possess an attractive warmth. Kelodin is truly a man of duality- a harsh, unforgiving hawk on the outside, but with the capability to be as friendly and free-willed as the butterfly symbolized by his tattoo. This tattoo is a mark of the Butterfly Rovers- a black silhouette worn on the back of his hand.   



Clothing
   Kelodin is often seen sporting a loose black shirt, and  a pair of black leather pants. He matches these with a pair of fingerless gloves that cover his tattoo, and long black boots, ideally suited for travelling long distances on foot. His traveler’s cloak is another piece of apparel designed to protect him from the elements. It is long, durable, and complete with a pointed hood to keep the sun from his eyes and the rain from his face.
Unlike many of his Rover contemporaries, Kelodin has no great love of gaudy frippery. The only piece of jewelry he owns, in fact, is a single, unmarked, brass ring worn on the ring finger of his right hand.

Personality

Kelodin is known to his friends as a warm and loving man, though not without his roguish side. To his enemies, he is regarded as dangerous, dark, and merciless. He is not one to make enemies lightly, you see. All who fear him surely deserve it, be it for crimes against him, his family, or the helpless.
Kelodin, in fact, makes himself out to be a hero for the common man. Be it protecting a woman from an unfriendly suitor, or a child from the wrath of the guards, Kelodin will always act in a way consistent with his own moral code. It is essentially a simple one- Live and let live. Betray this ideal, and the “let live” half of the code can be ignored and broken for the time being. Kelodin has seen too much violence in his life to have any aversion to using it in defense of himself or others.
This violence has also left Kelodin scarred, mentally and physically. Beneath his warm exterior, and truth be told, his loving nature, Kelodin is a man wracked with psychological trauma.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths
Kelodin is strong, dexterous, and an extremely graceful acrobat. These abilities lend themselves naturally to thievery.
•   Kelodin posses a high degree of natural charisma- he is handsome, and well-spoken.
•   In his travels, Kelodin has picked up knowledge of many plants, both herb and poison. This knowledge makes him a competent apothecary, while not an expert.
•   Kelodin is respected among his peers, and those he meets on his travels as a man of high moral character. While he is not adverse to thievery, he only takes from the rich. While he is not opposed to murder, rest assured, his targets have a worse fate awaiting them in the afterlife.
•   Kelodin is a competent warrior, trained in the use of the basic blades.
Kelodin is also trained in the use of throwing knives.
Kelodin's harsh life has forced him to adapt to circumstances. Due to this, he has become an above-average thief.

Weaknesses
Kelodin has lost respect among his native people- the public scandal in his family has rendered him an outcast.
•   Kelodin is a notorious thief- thus the title the Wolf’s Head. There are active orders in New-Santhala, Nyermersis, and several other large cities to arrest him on sight, and there are bounty hunters tracking him like a wolf that must be killed for the good of the sheep.
•   Kelodin is a Black Butterfly Rover- that in itself is enough to give many people pause.
Kelodin's need to help those in danger has often caused needless risk to his life and limb, a trait not highly valued among thieves.
Kelodin is a Magiphobe- he has never trusted those who can preform great feats with no discernible effort. His lack of understanding of the magical arts has only accentuated this fear.
Whatever doesn't kill you makes stronger, and Kelodin is proof of that philosophy. However, survival leaves scars, and Kelodin is mentally affected by a life of hardship. He has struggled with depression, alcholoism, and vauge notions of suicide throughout his entire life.

History
Kelodin the Outcast was born Kelodin of House Thaelvem in the year 1642. He was the first born, a man destined for greatness. At an early age, he was worshiped by his peers. He was the fastest, the smartest, the strongest. But a life of luxury was not to be Kelodin’s fate.
At the age of 17, Kelodin’s mother was savagely killed. His father, a man by the name of Thaelodin, was involved in particularly shady dealings. A backstabber of the finest pedigree, Thaelodin finally got in over his head, and his wife lost hers.
Only weeks later, Tharlodin would himself be killed while walking home. Kelodin was soon whisked away to the orphanage in his native Nyermersis. There he would learn, from the taunting of the cruel orphan master, of his father’s back-alley dealings. At seventeen, however, Kelodin was far too old to accept this cruel brainwashing. After only a month in the orphanage, Kelodin would escape with the help of a new friend.
   This friend was a young Eyelian named Ryngan. Ryngan, a fellow orphan, was also a member of the Black Butterfly Rovers. After being caught for the minor crime of pickpocketing, he was captured, and placed in the orphanage. Ryngan and Kelodin stayed up late many nights, plotting and planning an escape. In the dead of night, 34 days after Kelodin’s capture, a small-scale rebellion resulted in the deaths of three orphanage wardens, and the total destruction by fire of a quarter of the orphanage.
After his escape, Kelodin made off with the Rovers, and was officially inducted with a grand feast and festival. With the Rovers, Kelodin has learned the art of acrobatics and the skill of herblore, as well as the talents of burglary.
   It would be after nearly a decade of traveling with the Rovers before Kelodin was forced to part paths. With a history of thievery and several assaults under his belt, Kelodin was now an active target of many infamous bounty hunters. Rather then risk the lives of his friends and family, Kelodin left the Butterfly Rovers in the dead of night, running for a safe haven.
Kelodin’s safe haven has been found. In the city of Bardavos, beyond the Rahaz-Dath desert, no bounty hunters have yet come. However, they may yet pick up his trail. In that case, a speedy departure will surely take place. In the city of Barvados, there is always a ship waiting.

Weapons
Kelodin’s time as a Rover introduced him to many fine and exotic arms and armors. However, Kelodin prefers simplicity and generally travels armed only with a pair of knives and a longsword.

Belongings
Kelodin possess a wealth of herbs, used for sinister and beneficial purposes. These are kept dried, in various pouches in his cloak.

« Last Edit: June 25, 2008, 04:27:10 AM by Kelodin the Outcast » Logged

Kelodin the Outcast
Wolf’s Head
Approved Character
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Posts: 115


Human, Proudman


« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2008, 12:07:36 PM »

And could someone help scale down me portrait?
With one of the pretty frames, if it isn't too much to ask for.
Thank you!
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Eléyr Fásamár
Serenity's Embodiment
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Gender: Male
Posts: 2109


Elf ~ Kaýrrhem


« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2008, 12:38:55 PM »

Looking good, Kelodin. As I said, approval should not be far off. :) Just a few things I caught:

Quote
While he is not averse to thievery, he only takes from the rich. While he is not adverse to murder, rest assured, his targets have a worse fate awaiting them in the afterlife.

The first 'averse' should be spelled 'adverse.' In addition, the two words seems a bit too close together to be the same. I would recommend changing the second one to 'opposed' or something of that sort, just to flow better. ;)

Quote
Kelodin is a competent warrior, trained in the use of many weapons, both simple (knives) to the exotic (the notorious Kraah’reeve).

All weapon skills must be listed as individual strengths, with an example of his proficiency with each. If you wish to have more than two weapons at the age of 26, you could only have 'mastered' one, with the various others being of a lesser skill level. Each one of these is a seperate strength, remember.

Quote
Kelodin has lost respect among his native people- the public scandal in his family have<--has rendered him an outcast.

Quote
Kelodin is a notorious thief- thus the title the Wolf’s Head. There are active orders in New-Santhala, Nymersis<--Nyermersis, and several other large cities to arrest him on site<--sight, and there are bounty hunters tracking him like a wolf that must be killed for the good of the sheep.

I like the wolf analogy, nice job. :D

Quote
Only weeks later, Tharlodin would himself be killed while walking home. Kelodin was soon whisked away to the orphanage in his native Nymersis.<--Nyermersis.

Quote
Kelodin’s safe haven has been found. In the city of Barvados, beyond the Rhaz-Dath<--Rahaz-Dath desert, no bounty hunters have yet come.

Other than these grammar issues the main issue I see is balance. While you possess herbal knowledge and weapon skills, your weaknesses are *all* reputations basically. I think you might need to add in one or two more to be ready for an approval. Good luck! Big Grin
Logged

Those who say only Insanity can bring true relaxation...
Have clearly never hired a Mindsmoother!

Eléyr's CD ~¤•¤~ Character Creation ~¤•¤~ Restrictions ~¤•¤~ CD Etiquette
Garret Arroway
The Wolfling
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Human, Kyranian


« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2008, 01:22:54 PM »

     Hi Kelodin, you’ve got a good start here and just thought I’d drop by and comment on your familiar section. Well you don’t give much information so far and I can’t really suggest a certain breed from that single sentence so I suggest you take a look at the various breeds of dogs and select one. Once you’ve picked the breed then you should provide us with some information about the animal, such as: height, length, weight, color, temperament, training, age, and anything else to think would help bring the animal to life.

     Also, you should add to your history where/how you got the dog, how you trained it, about how old it was when you got it, and anything else important between the time your character acquired the dog and the present. Finally, the dog aids your character in any ways or is protective of you it should be counted as a strength. Good luck with your character.
Logged

Before you kill him, think of what you take from him. Remember what it is to be alive.
Quote: Robin Hobb
Kelodin the Outcast
Wolf’s Head
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 115


Human, Proudman


« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2008, 01:48:05 PM »

Thanks for the comments all!
They have been integrated in red.
« Last Edit: June 15, 2008, 02:30:31 PM by Kelodin the Outcast » Logged

Kelodin the Outcast
Wolf’s Head
Approved Character
*
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Posts: 115


Human, Proudman


« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2008, 08:27:26 AM »

The character has been balanced, and El's told me he believes that it's ready for approval... so, I suppose I'm just drawing attention to this... this went up an awful lot faster then Nsiki or Mad Davy Flint... maybe I'm getting better! ;)
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Eléyr Fásamár
Serenity's Embodiment
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Posts: 2109


Elf ~ Kaýrrhem


« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2008, 09:47:05 AM »

Garret isn't sure you integrated everything she asked for in the familiar section. Particularly, the height, weight, length, and disposition could be added, as she said. So, basically I'd just like to highlight Garret's comments, and ask that you thourougly reread it and implement things as best you can. :)
Logged

Those who say only Insanity can bring true relaxation...
Have clearly never hired a Mindsmoother!

Eléyr's CD ~¤•¤~ Character Creation ~¤•¤~ Restrictions ~¤•¤~ CD Etiquette
Garret Arroway
The Wolfling
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Human, Kyranian


« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2008, 10:39:02 AM »

Also, the only color mentioned in the Choliean Waterdog entry is korwyn gold.
Logged

Before you kill him, think of what you take from him. Remember what it is to be alive.
Quote: Robin Hobb
Kelodin the Outcast
Wolf’s Head
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 115


Human, Proudman


« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2008, 12:06:29 PM »

I think I may just take out the familiar... thinking about it, he was really more of an afterthought, after seeing the familiar section, and I don't think I'd be using him much climbing around on rooftops anyways.
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Kelodin the Outcast
Wolf’s Head
Approved Character
*
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Posts: 115


Human, Proudman


« Reply #9 on: June 17, 2008, 09:38:02 AM »

Just bumping this.... I believe it's ready for upload, as I've solved my dog problem....
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Kelodin the Outcast
Wolf’s Head
Approved Character
*
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Posts: 115


Human, Proudman


« Reply #10 on: June 19, 2008, 11:13:37 PM »

Before this drowns.....
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Simonne Miller
Meddling Herbalist
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Human, Caltharian


« Reply #11 on: June 20, 2008, 10:48:02 PM »

Hey Kelodin! Interesting character you have here. I think you should be close to an approval. Some minor things: it's not 'Erephonian' but 'Erpheronian' and in the physical appearance, talking about his eyes you say 'the' instead of 'they'. Also, he is apparently a pretty good thief if he has bounty hunters chasing him... That must be a pretty good skill in and of itself. With that added as a strength, I'm afraid you're a little bit unbalanced, so another weakness would be good. Most of the weaknesses you have are pretty minor. He might be an outcast, but he's not in Nyer anymore. He might hate mages, but he won't see too many of them, and even if he does, it doesn't really seem to affect him. And that while he's a good thief, and a good swordsman, and a decent apothecer... You see what I mean?
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Youth is a gift of nature, but old age is a work of art
Simonne Miller
Kelodin the Outcast
Wolf’s Head
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Posts: 115


Human, Proudman


« Reply #12 on: June 23, 2008, 01:10:43 PM »

Came up with a crippling weakness- actually, three!
Depression
Alcoholism
Suicidal Notions.
Fair, and Balanced! ;)
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Garret Arroway
The Wolfling
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« Reply #13 on: June 23, 2008, 01:15:12 PM »

Hey Kelodin,
     I see you've decided that a familiar would be more trouble than its worth for this character. Just asking that you remove it from your CD instead of just using the strike-through bit. Don't have the energy or brain power to look over this right now (not sure how the CD mods and other minis get three to four full checks in some days geessh ... must be the mice) anyways. I'm sure someone will have time later. Thanks.

Garret
Logged

Before you kill him, think of what you take from him. Remember what it is to be alive.
Quote: Robin Hobb
Kelodin the Outcast
Wolf’s Head
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 115


Human, Proudman


« Reply #14 on: June 23, 2008, 01:23:31 PM »

Exactly, Garret!
All right, take some time off, I'll be gone for about a week and a half anyways.
G'night!
Logged

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