Adventures of Caelereth

Archives => Approved Characters Archive II => Topic started by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 22, 2007, 07:47:49 AM



Title: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 22, 2007, 07:47:49 AM
Name: Alassiel Telrúnya
Gender: Female
Age: 75
Race: Elf
Tribe: Ak’váth’rhím (But adopted into the Injerín)
Hair Color: Jet Black
Eye Color: Dark Brown
Weight: 1 pygge, 3 hebs, 1 hafeb
Height: 1 ped, 9 palmspans
Occupation: Singer-songwriter, Artist
Title: Temperamental Bard
Character Portrait: http://img408.imageshack.us/img408/7919/charcterportraitalassielm1.jpg

Physical Appearance and Clothes
Alassiel has a heart-shaped face, silky jet black hair and very dark brown almond-shaped eyes, which appear to be black at first glance. Her eyes usually have a twinkle, which can quickly become a dangerous glint, and they always seem to look alert and wide awake. She has a small, delicate nose and mouth, and her K-9 teeth are more noticeable than most.

It is rare to see her dressed fancily, as she only dresses up on very special occasions. She can usually be seen wearing simple bright purple gowns, which are suited for outdoor activity, and soft brown leather boots. She usually wears her long hair down loose, but sometimes she ties it up in a single ponytail to keep it out of the way when she is working. She can be identified by a long multi-colored feather earring in her right ear, or the arm band she wears with lavender feathers dangling from it.

The origin of Alassiel’s attachment to feathers goes back to when she was a young child. Her foster-parents didn’t let her have a pet, claiming that she was too irresponsible to take care of one. As a result, she took to collecting feathers to make up for not having a pet. She dyed most of them purple, which was her favourite color. The habit stuck with her until adulthood, when she decided that collecting feathers was silly; but she didn’t want to just throw them away. So instead, she used the feathers for jewelry, and always has them with her.

Personality
Alassiel sings, sketches, and composes songs for a living, but also for the joy of it. She loves all animals, with the exception of insects, which she considers pests. Although she may not know the languages of most animals, she always seems to get on exceptionally well with them. But the animal she loves the most is the cat, be it wild or domesticated. She is particularly drawn to them, although she does not know why.

Alassiel is always loyal to her friends. She is good with weapons, and learns very quickly, which means she also has no problem learning other languages. She is really sociable, as well as readable; one can almost immediately tell at first glance how she is feeling, which may or may not be a good thing, since she is quite temperamental, very self-conscious, and easily embarrassed.

However, she can be extremely stubborn or brash. Often saying things which weren’t meant to be voiced, which often causes her tongue to lash out at the one who annoyed her, although she may regret it later. She is very picky on food and not very willing to try new things, which would often cause problems when she eats as a guest in other people’s homes. Also, she is fairly vain; yet that doesn’t necessarily mean that she likes to cover herself from head to toe in fancy clothing, or boast to her friends about her achievements.

Alassiel is a bit of a feminist. When there are things like tournaments around, she likes to offer her support to the contestant whom she thinks will win, and she usually chooses a female, unless there are no females to support. She doesn't deny that males have talent as well, but she always instinctively takes the women's side.

Alassiel is only superstitious on the topic of names. Although she is not married, she has planned names for possible future offspring for many years. She believes that names determine a child's personality. For example, if she meets a girl who suffers from a terrible sickness, she would make a mental note not to give that girl's name to any of her future children. This idea was influenced by no one, but was one of her imaginative theories.

Alassiel is attracted to 'trinkets'; she loves anything which is pretty, glittery, shiny, and delicate. She usually goes for small items, small enough to keep in her pockets, as she thinks that most big and bulky items are a nuisance to carry around.

Strengths
•   She is naturally sociable with a tendency to forgive anyone who offends her within a short amount of time. That way, she has more friends than enemies.
•   Her ability to think fast can be used against enemies in combat.
•   She knows quite a few languages other than Tharian and Styrásh which could prove useful when trying to communicate with others (she has learnt Thergerim, Kuglimz'Seitre, Mermish and Brownin, but she is less fluent with Mermish).
•   She is always good to her friends, whether she is angry or not. Unless, it is the friend who made her angry in the first place. Peace comes faster.
•   When she starts working, nothing, not even meals, can stop her from finishing the work (she normally gets frustrated when she has to leave her work to eat, and she starts to think of meals as pests). Her determination could save her life one day.
•   She can remember everything she wants to remember, so she would have no trouble remembering a face, or important events.
•   Her extraordinary skill with her longbow and her armored fan makes her one to be reckoned with.

Weaknesses
•   Her temper, which causes many fall-outs between her and others.
•   She is terrible at most physical activities, which would not help when up against the enemy.
•   When she does a job, she does it well…unless she loses interest or gets distracted.
•   Sometimes she has a temptation to choose reputation and appearance over her friends, and she risks losing her friends and being seen as selfish.
•   One has to try hard to actually get her to work, and laziness is not good.
•   Her tendency to wriggle out of work could one day be used against her.
•   Her strong fear of ogres could lead to terrible consequences if she had to deal with one in the future.

History
Alassiel was originally born into the Ak’váth’rhím tribe, but then was transported into the Shaded Forest and left in a few bushes to die. She was only a few months old. She does not mind being asked about why she was abandoned. She would truthfully say that she does not know what the reason for her abandonment was, but she thinks the most likely reason was because her mother didn’t want her.

When an elven Injerín couple found her, she was close to death, and barely breathing. They took pity on her, in spite of her obviously being of dark elf flesh and blood, bringing her into their home in Lýlei’Soulá. They adopted her, named her Alassiel, and raised her as their own. Alassiel's father was a successful merchant, although not one of the richest. Alassiel grew up an Injerín, and the only indication that she is not of Injerín origin is her appearance.

Twenty years after Alassiel was found, Alassiel's foster-father, Luthien, was on business in Southern Sarvonia when he saw a young girl stumbling, almost blindly, towards him. She was covered in dirt and her face was tear-stained, and she looked exhausted. She was of the Tethinrhim tribe, noted from the tattoo on her left arm.

He questioned her, not unkindly, about why she was in such a state. He learned that her name was Seh'nara, and she was trying to find her way home. She had been crossing a wide river in a boat with her parents when something had gone horribly wrong and they had started to sink. Seh'nara's mother had been quickly swept away in the current. Her father had managed to swim to safety, keeping a firm hold on Seh'nara. He had told her to wait until he came back with her mother. Then he had jumped back into the river, and that was the last time Seh'nara ever saw him alive.

She had taken a long time to finally acknowledge that both her parents were dead. When she did, she tried to find her way home. Unfortunately, she did not know the way back. She spent days wandering around, and she was about to collapse with the effort, when she saw Luthien. He looked like someone who could help her, and she decided that she had nothing to lose if he couldn't. So she stumbled over to him.

Luthien's heart went out to the girl, and he brought her home with him. Seh'nara was the same age as Alassiel, but because the Tethinrhim aged slower than the Ak’váth’rhím, Seh'nara was physically and psychologically the younger of the two. When Alassiel was first introduced to Seh'nara, she gave her a warm welcome, saying that she had always wanted a sister. Alassiel and Seh'nara soon grew to really close to each other.

From a young age, Alassiel took an interest in singing; her foster-parents would gently encourage her, but they always corrected her when she went wrong and gave her their opinions on the various songs she composed. When she got older, she became a student of the Bard School Féarn’teloría. After several years, she decided to take a short break, if a few years could be considered short. She then began to wander around singing for anyone who would listen and selling her sketches.

Earlier in Alassiel’s life, her foster-father, who was an artist, saw her potential in art and gave her informal lessons. She got better and better at art, sketching in particular. She attended a good, but not very well known art school. However, she soon dropped out, as she tired of it. She lost interest and became restless, longing to be off traveling. Now she just sketches as a hobby, but sells them to anyone who is ‘stupid enough’, in her opinion, to like it.

During her 'break', she gradually became known for her temper as well as her voice, earning the title of Telrúnya the Temperamental. Whenever she was seen striding about fuming with a dark expression, many would scuttle out of her way, for fear that her tongue would be unleashed on them. But they did enjoy the songs she would later sing in her room to calm herself down. She is very sensitive, and would often take offence to something someone had said which had been meant as a joke.

Although Alassiel took a break from the Bard School, she continued learning; except what she was learning did not have much to do with sing. She started learning languages. As she travelled, she met all sorts of people. She was keen on languages, so she decided to try and learn as many as possible. She perservered until she knew fluent Thergerim, Kuglimz'Seitre and Brownin (although she had to try particularly hard to find someone to teach her Brownin, she succeeded in the end). Then only did she relax and did not try as hard for Mermish.

If someone asked her why she has such a hot temper, she would just shrug and say that when she is annoyed at someone. She feels like she would say anything to stop that person doing whatever it was to annoy her. Annoying actions are minor things such as someone talking to her while she is reading. And it is true that she has very little control over her tongue. The words come flying out, and she cannot stop the flow until it is too late.

Alassiel has done nothing truly outstanding or spectacular in her life so far, since she prefers to feel mostly on the safe side, (but not totally unexposed to danger; She can be a bit of a risk taker), and she tries not to look for adventure; but if one unexpectedly comes her way, then she would not be the one to try to stop it.

Alassiel is very skillful with her weapons, a longbow and an armored fan. Her parents were very 'enthusiastic', as she likes to put it, about her training. In fact, they were so enthusiastic that they had her practicing with the longbow as soon as she could hold the weapon without dropping it. As a result, she got very good, and she still rises early every day to practice with it.

As for the armored fan, it was only recently given to her as a gift from her friend, Phoenix, who is a dancer. Alassiel met Phoenix when stumbling across an unpleasant scene where a few rough men were harassing the dancer. Telrúnya the Temperamental took over, and only after she had the men cowering from her tongue, did she let them go. Phoenix became one of her closest friends, and bought her the armored fan out of gratitude. Alassiel soon learnt how to use it, and it is even said that she favors the armored fan over her longbow.

Alassiel has a familiar; a cat named Fern. Alassiel found Fern as a kitten in a quiet part of the Shaded Forest. She was lying in the forest ferns (that was how she got her name), struggling to breathe. Her mother was not in sight, and it was unlikely that she was coming back, seeing as Fern was not in a litter, but by herself. Alassiel could not bear to see Fern abandoned as she had been, so she adopted Fern, in spite of her foster-parents’ protests. Fern recovered, is now in the pink of health and has stayed with Alassiel ever since.

Belongings and Weapons
Alassiel does not like burdening herself with too many things. In her opinion, bags were a burden. If she brings too many belongings, she tends to lose them in a couple of weeks anyway, and she wastes her money buying them again if they were precious or useful, so she makes sure that she will always have a few secret pockets in her clothes to carry her ‘trinkets’ in. But currently, she just has her silver mirror, which was the very first item she purchased as soon as she started earning her own money, her purse consisting of all her money and a book of blank paper for sketching. For weapons, Alassiel has a longbow and an armored fan. Alassiel's only visible possession is her longbow.

Familiar
It is thought that Fern is Brendolian, since she certainly acts and looks nearly like one. However, the star shaped mark on her chest and tiger-striped tail is very unique, so she might only be half Brendolian. She has snow-white fur, apart from the black star-shaped mark on her chest, light green eyes and the black tiger-stripes on her unusually long tail.

Fern never seems to age, physically or mentally, although she has been with Alassiel for many years, so many years that Alassiel has lost count. She has taken to draping herself around Alassiel’s shoulders, and appears to understand what she says to her, but whether Fern truly does understand, Alassiel is not sure.

Many people would think that having an animal to care for would be a nuisance, but on the contrary, Alassiel likes having Fern around. She is very good company, and loves the attention she gives her. Alassiel is sure Fern sees herself not as a pet, but as a companion. She eats whatever she can find in the taverns Alassiel performs in. As they travel from one place to another, she likes to ride on her companion’s shoulders with an air of superiority, but as soon as they arrive, she would immediately jump down and wander off, but never fails to find Alassiel, wherever she is, if she wants attention.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Kelancey the Green on February 22, 2007, 08:12:35 AM
  Alassiel, welcome to Santharia!  Please permit just a simple comment or two on your character description.

  While you are still working on your CD, please use the message icon "Char Status 1--Work in Progress".  Also, you have essentially the gist of the CD template, but please use this format for the introductory section:
  Name:
  Gender:
  Age:
  Race:
  Tribe:
  Hair Color:
  Eye Color:
  Occupation:
  Title:

Last, please tell us about Alassiel's History!  Where did she come from, how was she educated or trained, what has she done in her life, and so on.  Good luck in your work to come!



Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Simonne Miller on February 22, 2007, 05:38:29 PM
I have one small remark at the moment: I'm afraid you can't have a book that shrinks or expands at will. This would be a magical artifact, and artifacts are not allowed, certainly not if they have not been developped. You can have a book, but not a magical book.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 22, 2007, 06:08:00 PM
Okay, sorry, i'll modify it.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 22, 2007, 08:15:16 PM
and how specific am i supposed to be in stating where I come from? is saying that I come from the shaded forest enough?


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Weivóc'Neán on February 23, 2007, 06:19:51 AM
Not really, which is why research on this type of thing is good. Also, one thing that Kelancey forgot was that you need a seperate weight and height section in the top for easy and quick access.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 23, 2007, 07:56:45 AM
Right. Seperate Height and Weight section, do more research on location, a lot more detail. Is that all I need to do? Please tell me if I need to change anything else. And... I need at least 2 moderators' approval of this, right? Does a mini-moderator count? And please state clearly if my CD is approved of or not.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Weivóc'Neán on February 23, 2007, 08:08:06 AM
No mini-mods dont count but they recommend ready Cd's to the higher ranks such as mods and admins. It is most likely not approved yet but if given time, and of course patience most of all, you will be approved and playing.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 23, 2007, 08:15:15 AM
How long does it take on average for someone's cd to be approved? Sorry if I'm too full of questions.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Weivóc'Neán on February 23, 2007, 08:20:31 AM
Not sure average, but can take anywhere from a week to maybe a year or two depending on stibborness and maybe just putting it off.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 23, 2007, 08:25:47 AM
Halleluia. I am soooooo delighted by this wonderful info. Oh well, I guess I'll have to have more posts, then; no waiting until I'm approved until I actually start posting. Just asking (again), is this kinda like a blog? Except that the topic is permanently on Santharia.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Drasil Razorfang on February 23, 2007, 10:08:18 AM
Generally it takes ranging form a month too three for a first CD approved(at this point, if not approved people generally give up.)  Some exceptional ones are approved in less than a week, or after a first read through, but usually a first CD will require much editing.  The only way to shorten this process is to do your research.  Look through the main site to see if the things in your CD are possible and read all the entries relating to topics that appear in your CD.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Scael Pelegrene on February 23, 2007, 10:12:25 AM
Alassiel,

You might try looking into the character archives sections as well for good examples of properly formatted and approved characters. Those will also have the running commentary that was posted during the process and can give you a good idea about how approval works.


Scael Pelegrene


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 23, 2007, 05:49:44 PM
Thanks for your advice; I will try to get my CD approved as quickly as possilble by doing more research, looking through the character archives and I will keep checking and editing my CD.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on February 24, 2007, 03:18:05 AM
Heya Alass ^.^ Welcome to Santharia! I am gonna give a few comments on your CD here.

Name: Alassiel Telrúnya
Gender: Female
Age: 75
Race: Styreian {This race doesn't exist in Santharia. I believe you mean "Elf", assuming such from the tribes you have chosen}
Tribe: Ak’váth’rhím/Injerín
Hair Color: Jet Black
Eye Color: Dark Brown
Weight: Just above 1 pygge
Height: Just above 2 peds
Occupation: Singer-songwriter, Artist
Title: Bard

I sing, sketch and compose songs for a living, but also for the joy of it. I have a strong bond with all animals with the exception of insects, which I consider pests. During my spare time, if I’m not singing, sketching or composing, I can be found in the nearest Library, buried in a book. {Libraries are not a commonality in Santharia, and neither are books. You can count the number of decent libraries on one hand in all of Santharia. So, unless she remains in the large "capital" cities, then this will not happen.}

Physical Appearance and Clothes
I have jet black hair and very dark brown eyes, which appear to be black at first glance. I have a small, delicate nose and mouth, and my K9 teeth are more noticeable than most. I weigh approximately 1 Pygge and I am just over 2 peds tall.{I hope you do realize that you currently are standing at 6 feet and 6 inches, weighing 100lbs. That is very skeletal. Someone that height can easily be 120lbs and still be quite skinny} My eyes have a tendency to look vague, but the vaguer my expression, the more acutely I’m attending to something.{How can someone's eyes look vague?} It is rare to see me in cosmetics; I only wear cosmetics on very special occasions. {Santharia doesn't have "cosmetics". It is referred to as paint, and it isn't common except in nobility and certain tribal customs.} I can usually be seen wearing simple bright purple gowns which are flexible {I don't think "flexible" is the proper word to use here} and suited for outdoor activity. I can be identified by a violet feather earring in my left ear, or the arm band I wear below my elbow with lavender feathers dangling from it.{The feather decorations are quite unique and not characteristic of either tribe you have chosen. Why does she use feathers for accessories?}

Personality
I am always loyal to my friends. I’m good with my hands as well as weapons, and I learn very quickly. I am really sociable, and I am readable; {This didn't really make a lot of sense. How is she good with her hands? And how is "being good with her hands" a personality trait?} one can almost immediately tell at first glance how I am feeling, which may or may not be a good thing (I’m quite temperamental, very self-conscious and easily embarrassed). {Please no parenthesis, especially if the writing within them is relevant to what you are describing.} However, I can be extremely stubborn, prideful or unthinking. {Brash is the word you will want to use} Often saying things which weren’t meant to be voiced, with very little patience which often causes my tongue to lash out at the one who annoyed me, although, of course I regret it later. I’m very picky on food, which would often cause problems when I eat as a guest in other people’s homes. Also, I’m really vain; yet that doesn’t necessarily mean that I like to cover myself from head to toe in jewelry (i.e. dress fancily). {There is more to being vain than jewelry. Definition: having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance or achievements; Conceited.}

History
Originally born into the Ak’váth’rhím tribe to the then most dominant female, I was wanted by my mother to inherit the title when I was older.{I'm sorry, but we don't allow such 'titles' in characters. Please read up on the Restrictions Thread.} However, I was taken before I could fulfill that wish by those of the tribe who wanted someone else to become the most dominant female in the future. {This doesn't make sense with how the tribe works. Yes, they may be vain, but they aren't kidnappers.I was transported to Northern Sarvonia and then carelessly placed in a few bushes in the Shaded Forest and left to die. When an elven Injerín couple found me, I was close to death, and barely breathing. They took pity on me, in spite of me obviously being of dark elf flesh and blood, brought me to their home in Lýlei’Soulá, adopted me and raised me as their own. I grew up an Injerín, and the only indication that I am not of Injerín origin is my appearance. {This action isn't characteristic of the Ak'váth'rhím, despite the fact of which being born to such a title is not allowed, even if you never obtain it or keep it.}

From young, I took an interest in singing; my foster parents would gently encourage me, but they always corrected me when I went wrong and gave me their opinions on the various songs I composed. When I got older, I became a student of the Bard School Féarn’teloría. I was good enough to achieve a Bard's Ring. What is this "bard's ring" you are referring to? I cannot find any references on the site to such a ring.After that, I decided to take a short break, if a few years could be considered short, and just wandered around singing for anyone who would listen and selling my sketches.

Earlier in my life, my foster-mother, who was an artist, saw my potential in art, {No comma} and gave me informal (but useful) lessons. I got better and better at art, sketching in particular, until my artwork was almost as good as a professionals. But just to polish it off, I attended a good, but not very well known[/color] art school. {Since you were not naming a particular school, no capitalization as it isn't a proper noun without a "title".} However, I soon left, as I was told that there was surprisingly nothing to teach me except a few tips. I made sure that I didn't let this go to my head. Ok, your 'skills', as such a young elf are just simply not really plausible. For one, elves have a different learning standard and curve than do humans, so they do not progress as quickly as humans do as they work to perfect what they do. Having a natural talent is ok, but elves would go beyond that of a natural talent and study art and study music beyond just drawing and singing. Neither of which you have expressed in your description of your history.

During my 'break', I gradually became known for my temper as well as my voice. Whenever I was seen striding about fuming with a dark expression, many would scuttle out of my way, for fear that my tongue would be unleashed on them. But they did enjoy the songs I would later sing in my room to calm myself down. Why such a temper? What would cause such tantrums? How was her "tongue" fearsome?

I have done nothing truly outstanding or spectacular in my life so far, since I prefer to feel mostly on the safe side,but not totally unexposed to danger; I can be a bit of a risk taker, and I try not to look for adventure; but if one unexpectedly comes my way, then I won't be the one to try and stop it. You mention in your belongings you have a long bow and an armored fan. When were you trained to use these? An armored far is considered an exotic weapon and takes special training to use with a decent amount of skill. Please mention in your history if you were trained in either of these at all. If not, please mention in your belongings/weaknesses they are merely for show.

Strengths and Weaknesses
I’m sociable with a tendency to forgive anyone who offends me within half an hour, although when I lose my temper, no one would be able to save the victim from a tongue-lashing. My hands are nimble and swift, although I am terrible at sports, when I do a job, I do it well…unless I lose interest or get distracted. I always defend my friends, although sometimes I have a temptation to choose reputation and appearance over them. One has to try hard to actually get me to work, although when I get started, nothing, not even meals, can stop me from finishing the work (I normally get frustrated when I have to leave my work to eat, and I start to think of it as a pest). I can remember everything I want to remember…and forget everything I want to forget. Ok, before I comment at all on your strengths and weaknesses, it is usually preferred that you list them out in separate categories. This makes it easier for us to determine what is distinctly a strength and what is distinctly a weakness.

Belongings and Weapons
I don’t like burdening myself with too many things, so I make sure that whatever I wear, I will always have a few secret pockets to carry my little ‘trinkets’ in. But currently, I just have my silver mirror, which was the very first item I purchased as soon as I started earning my own money, my purse consisting of all my money, and a book of blank paper. For weapons, I have a longbow (the weapon which the Injerín are feared for) and anarmored fan.


Personally, I am not a huge fan of people writing their descriptions in first person, as many details tend to get overlooked instead of writing it in third person. Also, you use "I" a lot. Try going through it and reorganizing your sentences so you don't necessarily have to use it, as reading it over and over again is distracting and slightly boring. Overall, I feel as if there is something missing or this CD is largely incomplete, yet that could also be the first person issue. The way it was written seems to be elementary, like I feel you could do so much better with terminology and how things are worded.

Its a great start! It just feels like there are lots of gaps which need to be filled.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 24, 2007, 04:00:30 AM
Ack! Thanks for taking the time to correct me. I am going to get rid of all these mistakes ASAP.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 24, 2007, 05:40:34 AM
Okay. I, Alassiel Telrúnya, have made enormous changes in my CD, and I am seriously exhausted. But I would still like to thank Kalína Mërénwèn for telling me where I went wrong, even if it did cause my exhaustion.  :thanks:  :grin:

Oh and one more thing...when do I put up the icon with the yellow question mark?


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Kelancey the Green on February 24, 2007, 06:20:21 AM
  Alassiel, if you're ready to receive more editorial comments, go to "Message icon" and choose "Char Status 2--Comments welcomed".


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 24, 2007, 06:27:39 AM
But....I've already done that! I used that icon when I clicked on save. :huh:


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Drasil Razorfang on February 24, 2007, 09:57:37 AM
Kalina, Styreians = Santharian Elves.  Check the Elf entry.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on February 24, 2007, 10:07:52 AM
I know that now Drasil, but for simplicities sake, "Elf" is preferred.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 24, 2007, 04:43:12 PM
So....any more comments on my mistakes (if there are any left after Kalina's edit)?

Oh wait, I've thought of something. Can someone check my height and weight, please? To make sure it's suitable? Because I have this thing about measurements, particularly height and weight, and I easily get confused.

And I have now got a 'familiar' section, could someone look that through as well, please.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 25, 2007, 05:04:15 PM
More comments please! :)


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 26, 2007, 06:21:00 AM
This is insane. My mom is insisting that this site is bad. She convinced, and there's nothing I can do to change it.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Ursakar Shimazu on February 26, 2007, 06:32:01 AM
Hi.  :)

There is one thing I noticed, your height section and the height you use in describing your character don't match. In the physical description you describe her as being a bit over 2 Peds, but in the Height section you describe her as a bit over 1 Ped.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 26, 2007, 10:07:34 PM
Oh yeah, sorry about that. the 2 peds thing was the original data, then I changed it, but I forgot to change the rest.

Thanks! :grin:


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 27, 2007, 06:18:47 AM
Oh, and I have another question; if I'm still not an approved character, can I still take part in the whatchacallit posts where people give their stories from their point of view or somthing like that?


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Weivóc'Neán on February 27, 2007, 06:23:05 AM
Whats "whatchacallit"?


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 27, 2007, 06:25:21 AM
Lol. :lol: that means I don't know what it is called. A chapter or something of a particular place at a particular time, where the people who are there give the story from their point of view.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Kelancey the Green on February 27, 2007, 08:10:49 AM
  If I'm seeing where you're going, the ones you can post in meanwhile are any general discussion areas, review and comment on other people's CDs, and even swing over to the Dev board if you're interested.  The ones you'll need character approval for are the games; those would be topics like "The City of Voldar" or "Nyermersys, City of Death".

  Hope this helps.  take care, and good luck!


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on February 28, 2007, 12:50:59 AM
Thanks! I can't wait to play on Nyermersys. I've my eye ot it for quite a while.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 01, 2007, 06:26:59 AM
I have another question. I don't get what we're supposed to do about the character portrait thingy. When I go to the info about Portraits, there's a part of it which I can't see.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Weivóc'Neán on March 01, 2007, 06:37:16 AM
You don't have to have a character portrait, but if you can find one, you can put it in your CD. Even though it will be removed when transfered to archives, it can give us a general outlook or guideline for your character. It isn't needed but can sometimes help us with describing your character more in-depth.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 01, 2007, 04:42:24 PM
oh so we include the url in our cd?


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Simonne Miller on March 01, 2007, 05:49:06 PM
Hey Alassiel!

I read your CD again, and I see massive improvement from when you just posted it for the first time! It's starting to look quite good.

The CD portrait within the CD is not really necessary, it's only optional, but if you want to have it in there, click on the 'insert image' in the row of commands above the smileys.

Now, some minor things I noticed: Could you please move your Strengths and Weaknesses to below personality and above history? Just so that they can be easily found if looked for.

Then, you mention the familiar, the cat. I'd suggest to put the part about how she found the cat in the history section. You can keep the rest in the familiar section, about what the cat's like and so on. Also, I'm curious who gave you the armoured fan and why, so that might also be something to include in your history.

Lastly, I don't think not knowing how to use the armoured fan is considered a weakness. You are comparing yourself with the average citizen in Caelereth, and there are many more people who don't know how to use the armoured fan than who do know it. Apart from this, you need to list your ability to use the longbow among your strengths.

With kind regard,
Simonne


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 02, 2007, 12:50:53 AM
Finally, something to work on! I'll have to do it later, sincce I have to go for my Grade 5 theory exam now. :grin: But I'll be modifying it ASAP. Thanks for your help!


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 02, 2007, 05:13:56 AM
Okay, I've done it! Look to the 2nd last paragraph of my History for info on how the armored fan came into my possession.

And I've added my character portrait below my title.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Weivóc'Neán on March 02, 2007, 06:19:28 AM
Nice choice in person to take looks after, I like Rinoa the best from FFVIII. I still like Paine from FFX-2 best though out of all of them.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 02, 2007, 07:50:56 PM
Thanks for the compliment!  :grin: What is this FFVIII and FFX-2 stuff?


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Weivóc'Neán on March 03, 2007, 07:11:06 AM
FFVIII= Final Fantasy 8   and   FFX-2 = Final Fantasy 10-2 the second in that series. I thought you would know since the picture you are using as an avatar is Rinoa off of FFVIII.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 03, 2007, 06:07:16 PM
Ack! No, I didn't, actually. I just got it off the Avatar Page thingy. :buck:


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Kadaj on March 03, 2007, 10:13:07 PM
I cant figure out how to post my character, can someone tell me how?


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 04, 2007, 12:46:39 AM
Did you PM me? Cuz I replied, and told you how. I'll repeat what I said:

Go to the Character description board, where all the other CDs are. There is a 'New Topic' button in between the Charcter approving system at the top of the page and the 'Last Post' heading on the far right of the board.

Then post your CD after you've typed everything in (obviously).


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 04, 2007, 10:00:42 PM
I have yet another question. :buck: Can two users link their CDs together? As in, say two users wanted to be sisters. So their CDs mention each other. Could they do that?


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Leida Kereborn on March 05, 2007, 02:07:44 AM
I don't see that as a problem!  We have a couple of characters related to other characters, but I'd ping a mod and run the question by them personally, just to check.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Mina on March 05, 2007, 02:11:26 AM
I'm quite sure it's okay. 


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 05, 2007, 04:59:23 AM
Thanks! :D


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on March 05, 2007, 05:24:43 AM
We actually have a couple of characters on the board like that, myself included.

Twen and her sister Shailiha. Unfortunately, Twen has mysteriously vanished again >.<


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 05, 2007, 05:28:42 AM
Glad to know it works out. My friend and I were going to be twins, but we had different.....points of view. :D So we were going to be....argh, I've temporarily forgotten the word for it....it isn't step-sisters, but the family who adopted me adopted my friend many years later. Adopted sisters (?)


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 05, 2007, 05:40:03 AM
Okay, I've added a really major bit to my history. It needs looking at, cuz I just know I've got something wrong.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Simonne Miller on March 05, 2007, 06:34:46 AM
Hi, Alassiel!

There is not really something 'majorly' wrong with the part you added, except this: In the Tethinrim entry I found the following line: Children are more or less raised by the tribe, thus allowing an even ‘playing field’ for all. So I find it hard to believe that an orphaned child would be left to fend for itself...

Perhaps her parents had been travelling together with her when they drowned, and she was too young to know how to get back to where they used to live? But to be honest, the way you describe this event, I'd have sooner imagined a human girl forced out of her house from poverty and into picking pockets than an elf. Perhaps Luthien had witnessed the drowning and took pity on the elven girl and adopted her?
And one last thing I wanted to know there: how old was Alassiel at that time? Just out of curiosity, you know ;)

And about the armoured fan: How did a dancer come into possession of one? And if she had it, why didn't she use it against her attackers?

With regard,
Simonne


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 05, 2007, 07:23:55 AM
I've changed the bit about my adopted sister, as you asked. The very first words at the beginning of that bit was "fifteen years later". That means Alassiel was fifteen years old. To make it clearer, I added that she was a few months old when she was abandoned. And I changed the armored fan bit from 'gave her the armored fan out of gratitude' to 'bought her the armored fan out of gratitude'. So Phoenix didn't have an armored fan before she was attacked. But she bought one for Alassiel.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on March 05, 2007, 04:05:07 PM
Quote
"fifteen years later"

Just need to be careful with phrases like those, as they can be easily interpreted differently than what you originally intend ^.~


I will do a glance through soon. See if we can't get you that first approval ^.^


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 05, 2007, 07:19:16 PM
Yay!

But the fifteen years later part, is there anything wrong with it, or is it okay? I'll change it to 'Fifteen years after Alassiel was found'. Just in case.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 05, 2007, 11:59:37 PM
I have edited my sky blue part yet again, and this time I am not going to change it again, ever.

And my adopted sister has just posted her CD!  :pet: :heart: :pet:


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Simonne Miller on March 06, 2007, 02:51:28 AM
Ok, I see nothing majorly wrong with it anymore. Any more comments will have to come from someone else ;)


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 06, 2007, 02:52:28 AM
YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :lol: :rolling: :grin: :) ;) :pet: :heart:


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on March 06, 2007, 06:24:30 PM
Hey hon,

Just a couple of things I found slightly confusing in my skim through.

Appearance Section:
Quote
and can be identified by a long multi-colored feather earring in her right ear, or the arm band she wears with lavender feathers dangling from it.

What can be identified? Also, the sentence I derived this from is a run-on. I fixed it when I did a grammatical run through, so you might want to look at that as well. One more thing, I am curious as to where she obtained purple feathers. Were they dyed or did they come naturally colored? Purple feathers aren't an everyday find.

Personality Section:
Quote
She has a strong bond with all animals
Quote
she can be found buried in a book.

What do you mean by a strong bond? Or is it like an affinity, that she gets along well with animals. Instead of getting scratched or bitten consistantly?

Just remember that books are not a commonality in this world yet. Much like the medieval ages, where books were written by hand, they are not numerous and only the very wealthy tend to have them in their personal possession/collection.

Strengths Section:
Quote
•   She knows many languages, which could prove useful when trying to communicate with others.
Quote
•   Her longbow, a very useful weapon.

List the languages she knows in parenthesis after the strength. That way, Story Mods can make sure you aren't over stepping your bounds when you say you can speak <insert language>.

Give us a general idea of her skill with a longbow here. You basically just told us she has one, not if she can actually use it or not.

History:
Quote
She instinctively knew that he would be kind to her, so she stumbled over to him.

How is that? She had never seen him before in her life, so how would she know how he would treat her?

Quote
Seh'nara also brought her familiar, an Ashmarian wolf named Silver, along with her

Was the wolf with her family on the boat? Or did the wolf enter her life after the fact? If she was with her before the accident, how did the wolf survive? You might want to mention that the wolf was also on the boat if that was the case.

History:
Quote
Alassiel is very skillful with her weapons, a longbow and an armored fan.
Quote
Phoenix became one of her closest friends, and bought her the armored fan out of gratitude. Alassiel is still looking out for someone to teach her how to use it.

Those two sentences about your skill with the armored fan contradiction each other. What level is her skill really? Whatever it is, should probably adjust your history accordingly and add the armored fan to your strengths.



And that is all of what I caught. Nothing huge, just some things which were most likely overlooked in the grand scheme of things. Fix those up and you have my approval  :thumbup:


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 07, 2007, 02:21:44 AM
Okay. I have fixed everything! Do I have your approval? *jumping up and down in excitement and anticipation* :pet:


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on March 07, 2007, 06:55:22 AM
First approval given


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 07, 2007, 06:58:11 AM
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :lol: :lol: :rolling: :rolling: :cool: :cool: :azn: :azn: :grin: :grin: :) :) ;) ;) :pet: :pet: :P :P :heart: :heart:


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 08, 2007, 05:54:31 AM
To any other Mods or Admins out there, your approvals would be very much appreciated. :D :pet:


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Simonne Miller on March 08, 2007, 07:00:08 AM
I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to give a second approval as a mini-mod. You could PM Kar to ask her very nicely to give this a look-through and hopefully give that second approval :)


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 09, 2007, 12:57:18 AM
Nah, I'm not that urgent. I can wait quietly. :)


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Mina on March 09, 2007, 03:21:46 AM
I just happened to see this:
Quote
Title: Telrúnya the Temperamental
Erm, I don't think that is the sort of title we are looking for. 


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 09, 2007, 05:09:04 AM
Ok, I've changed it to Temperamental Bard.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Seh'nara Celebrindal on March 09, 2007, 03:38:03 PM
Hey, sis! Just wanted to congratulate you on your approval. Hope you get your second one soon, yeah? :D


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 09, 2007, 03:42:44 PM
Yeah! ^.^ By the time I can actually come online without my mum yelling at me to practice my piano until I'm so perfect I have a high distinction in my exam :buck:....yeah, I'll probs have my 2nd approval by then (i.e. 30 March).


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 10, 2007, 03:45:53 AM
That is it. Just now, I was exactly halfway down the CD board. And in a few hours, my CD has gone down to being the 8th most recent CD post. I am this close to getting my 2nd approval, and I don't want to get bumped to the next page so everyone can forget my CD (however selfish that may sound).

*Calling all Admins and Mods to look at my CD so I can get my 2nd approval and stop sounding like a snob who's so full of herself* :pet:


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Mina on March 10, 2007, 03:58:32 PM
Well, it looks like you're almost ready.  Just a few minor things to fix. 

Quote
Height: 1 ped, 2 fores, 1 palmspan
That's 1.7 peds if I'm not mistaken, which is a little short for an elf, who average about 2 peds.  Perfectly fine if your character is intended to be short, but you probably should mention it somewhere. 

Quote
Tribe: Ak’váth’rhím/Injerín
We normally write it this way only if the character is a 'crossbreed'.  You might want to put a note here that she's only adopted into the Injerin tribe, and doesn't actually have Injerin blood. 

Quote
She knows many languages(Styrásh, Thergerim, Kuglimz'Seitre, Kh'omchr'om, Mermish, Brownin and a few cat languages)
Erm, cat languages?   :veryconfused:

Quote
Alassiel was originally born into the Ak’váth’rhím tribe, but then was transported to Northern Sarvonia and then carelessly placed in a few bushes in the Shaded Forest and left to die.

I think you probably made a mistake here.  The Ak'vath'rhim are located in Northern Sarvonia, though quite far from the Injerin. 

Quote
Alassiel's foster-father, Luthien
Nothing wrong with this, I just found it amusing. :D  Have you read the Silmarillion, by the way? 


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 10, 2007, 09:18:39 PM
Done corrections! :D Is 1 ped, 3 fores and 2 palmspans sound better?

And no, I haven't read the Silmarillion. What is it about?


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Weivóc'Neán on March 10, 2007, 10:10:12 PM
About the height, now you have it as 2 peds and 1 palmspan. 1 ped = 3 fores(i think) and 3 palmspans = 1 fore(i think).


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 11, 2007, 05:33:32 AM
Yeah, I think of a palmspan as a third of a fore, which is a third of a ped. I've changed it to 1 ped, 8 palmspans, which would be just below 2 peds, but above 1 ped, 2 fores.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Mina on March 11, 2007, 12:45:31 PM
1 ped = 1 metre
1 fore = 1 foot (approx. 30cm)
1 palmspan = 10cm

That's how I understand it anyway.  A fore is somewhat smaller than a third of a ped. 

I'll check the CD in a while. 


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Mina on March 11, 2007, 02:05:56 PM
Hmm...I didn't realise this the last time I looked at the CD, but it doesn't look like you made any mention of how your character learned all those languages.  Something about her proficiency in those langauges would be good too.  With so many languages, I'd assume that she wasn't really fluent in most of them. 

As for the height, 1ped 8palmspans is about 1.8 peds.  Still a little short for an elf, though not as much as before.  I'm not sure if it's what you wanted. 

I also just realised that they've apparently changed the measurements (when did that happen anyway?).  So, it seems you're right about a fore being a third of a ped, though a palmspan is still 10cm, and thus somewhat smaller than a third of a fore. 


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 11, 2007, 06:01:57 PM
I don't think I wanted her to be too short....so I changed it to 9 palmspans. If I'm not wrong, that's still shorter than 1 ped 3 fores, cuz 1 ped 9 palmspans=1 metre 90cm, and 1 ped 3 fores=1 m 99cm, which is practically 2 peds, and I don't want that.

And I've added a bit to my history about how I learnt all those languages, and it's the only bit in sky blue.


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Mina on March 11, 2007, 07:29:02 PM
Yes, I think you're right about the height. 

About the languages...it seems I missed some things again.   :sorry::sigh:  Well, first of all, you might want to consider adding Tharian to the list of langauges she knows.  That's the human tongue of Santharia.  Of course, you could have her not know any Tharian, which could be interesting.  The other thing is that it's not exactly easy to learn Kh'omchr'om.  Orcs are generally hostile to other races, so if you want to keep the language you probably should add in some explanation for how she managed to find someone to learn it from.   Browniin and Mermish aren't very accessible either, for that matter, but at least there shouldn't be too much trouble finding people who could teach you if you visit the right places in Santharia, so that's not really a problem. 


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 11, 2007, 09:14:15 PM
I've extracted Kh'omchr'om from my list of languages and added Tharian, and I've said that she's had to try hard to find someone to teach her Brownin. Would it be ok that I didn't change anything for Mermish, since she doesn't know it fluently?


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Mina on March 11, 2007, 09:40:09 PM
Yes, I think it looks alright now.  Approved.  :)


Title: Re: Alassiel Telrúnya
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on March 11, 2007, 09:41:29 PM
 :D :grin: :) :azn: :cool: ;) :lol: :rolling: :P :heart: :pet:

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!