Adventures of Caelereth

Archives => Approved Characters Archive II => Topic started by: Vincent Varkatzas on August 31, 2007, 04:03:40 PM



Title: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on August 31, 2007, 04:03:40 PM
Name:  Vincent Varkatzas

Gender: Male

Age: 35 years old

Race: Human

Tribe: The Kasumarii Men (Kar-II)

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: Nighttime Drifter

Appearance:

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 5 Nailsbreadths

Weight: 1 Pygge, 2 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Od

Hair Colour: White hair but dyed Jet Black

Eye Colour: Brown

Physical Appearance: He has shoulder length hair held back off his face by a strip of blood red cloth. The reason he wears his hair long is to conceal his face when following his bounty. He has a slender build and is well toned. His hair is the main thing that sets him apart from his people- instead of being white it's black. He dyed his hair jet black as a promise and a reminder to himself that he would one day avenge his grandfather. His skin is smooth and pale. His sword and whip are at his side- concealed under his cloak and out of sight from prying eyes.

Clothing: He wears a black tunic and leggings covered by a blood red cloak with a high collar. His belt has a silver clasp and attached to it is a small pouch, his whip and his sword. He wears a single silver cross as an earring on his right ear. He has black leather gloves and wears black riding boots.

Personality: He talks as though he has seen many dark and dangerous things for his age. He is not quiet yet there is a certain need to get to know someone before he will open up to them. He does his best to remain neutral as his job as a bounty hunter means he has to take jobs wherever offered yet he has a strong honorable streak. He is impulsive and headstrong. Even though his face may usually be void of emotion his eyes tell a different story. He is slow to anger yet when he does he loses all control. In his heart he desperately craves any piece of information leading to the murderer of his grandfather. When he smiles it is charming and boyish which shows that beneath the visage of the bounty hunter he is still a normal person.

Strengths and weaknesses:

Strengths:

Weapon Proficiency: His skill with a sword is greater than that of many people of his age and thanks to the teachings of his grandfather he is able to combine the use of his sword with the use of the touch of death.

Weapon Proficiency: He was taught by his grandfather how to use the touch of death and has taught himself how to reincorporate it's use with that of the moonblade.

Weapon Proficiency: He was taught the use of the akapi whip by one of his bountys as payment to be spared from death.

Hand to hand combat: He was taught from a young age to use his body in combat and is just as deadly without a weapon as he is with one.

Heightened senses: Due to living in the mountain regions Vincent has developed heightened senses and is able to see great distances and hear the slightest sounds.

Stealth: He is extremely quiet and can walk on even the softest ground and leave only a slight trace of his passing.


Weaknesses:

Weak wrist: His left wrist sustained serious damage 6 years ago and has yet to fully heal causing him to sometimes lose a strong grip on the hilt of his sword.

Impatience: He is impatient and rushes into many things without thinking them through. He tends to play many things by air and this leads him into all sorts of trouble.

Finds it hard to trust people: He finds it hard to trust people and this affects him for there have been many things said to him that would have helped him but he has ignored them for he didn't trust the people.

Vengeance: His heart is full with thoughts of vengeance. This allows his judgment to become clouded easily.

History: Vincent was brought up by his grandfather in the mountains of Oro. His grandfather was a great adventurer who went by the name of Alkertan Varkatzas. Alkertan came across many great oddities in his travels including a rare touch of death. This was a gift from a member of the guards council of R'unor when he successfully guided him to the southern beaches to view the departure of the last turtle. He remained in R'unor long enough to learn how to use the weapon and left. Alkertan finally decided on a quiet retirement deep in the mountains of Oro.

Vincent has no recollection of his parents other than what his grandfather told him. This is due to the fact they died of a terrible sickness when he was still a newborn. His parents were Cain and Selene Varkatzas- the great assassin team who were hired by many political and noble identities to take out opposing figures of power. Cain always wore at his side a moonblade that he managed to lay his hands on in the tower of the guard when they were sent there to assassinate a magi who was researching its properties.

His grandfather taught him how to use the moonblade his father left him, the touch of death and other various forms of unarmed combat. At the age of 20, he returned to his grandfather's cottage one day after a training run with the touch of death and the moonblade to find it burned to the ground. He found his grandfathers broken and bloodied body lying behind the house. Realizing he had left his grandfather weaponless and vulnerable he fell to his knees and took an oath to avenge him. He buried his grandfather and turned his back on the mountains of Oro and has never returned. Since then he has become a wandering bounty hunter in the hope to hone his skills and find whoever killed his grandfather. He has since been on many great hunts and on one of these he tracked down a shendar rogue who taught him the use of the apaki whip as payment to be spared from death.

Weapons:
Moonblade: The hilt is made of a black metal and is bound in black leather. The blade looks as though it is made of quicksilver and has the word "MOONLIGHT" engraved along it. 

The Aka'pi Leather Whip: The handle is slightly shorter than a fore and is made entirely out of black apaki leather

The Touch of Death: The touch of death is made of black leather and has straps with silver buckles along it.  The barbed blade is made of silver.

Belongings: clothes, weapons, silver earring, small leather pouch


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas
Post by: Thorgas Ironforge on August 31, 2007, 04:10:31 PM
helloooo Tempest!! Your username and character name needs to be the same.

And use the correct message icon, please.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on August 31, 2007, 04:18:19 PM
Sorry bout that lol- just getting used to the system


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on August 31, 2007, 04:19:16 PM
Móh'rhím - They are restricted. For more restrictions, the link is listed on the left hand menu


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on August 31, 2007, 04:22:41 PM
Yea- probably should pay more attention shouldn't I lol


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on August 31, 2007, 04:23:16 PM
It isn't a problem. Its why we mods and admins are here ^.~


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on August 31, 2007, 04:24:48 PM
haha cheers


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/KAR-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Inkear on August 31, 2007, 11:17:55 PM
Your tribe needs to be in NON CAPS and also, lack of training of any sort is not a weakness. Magical training is actually rather uncommon. You will need to balance out the strengths quite a bit. It is impossible (I say this quite truely) to be that quiet, you might want to tone it down.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/KAR-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Kaldez’Yadra on September 01, 2007, 12:08:29 AM
A few tings i notice for starters:
As inkear said no need for tribe to be all caps
Long hair among the Kasumarii is rare and those who have it usualy have it that way for a reason(such as hiding weapons)
Inkear is also correct about your strengths and weaknesses section
A little more in your personality section would not go amiss either
Adn finaly you need alot more history
Well theres just a few things for starters have fun and enjoy The Dream :)


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on September 01, 2007, 05:14:27 AM
Cheers lol


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/KAR-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on September 01, 2007, 06:47:58 AM
Expand on what you have already written. What you have is quite minimal and lacks depth.

Read a few of the titled CDs in the archives to get an idea of what we expect from players for approval ^.^


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on September 01, 2007, 07:04:57 PM
Will do. Thanks for the comments and let the constructive criticizing keep rolling lol- you can't deny i need it :lol:


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Thorgas Ironforge on September 01, 2007, 09:19:22 PM
Hello Vincent, and welcome to Santharia. Now, Vincent is a better name, don't you think? :azn:
I'll check your CD as promised, in the fiery color of red.

Name:  Vincent Varkatzas

Gender: Male

Age: 22 years old

Race: Human

Tribe: The Kasumarii Men (KAR-II)(Only the first letter in the word Karii is capitalized.)

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: Night-time Drifter

Appearance:

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 5 Nailsbreadths

Weight: 1 Pygge, 2 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Od

Hair Colour: Jet Black(Dark hair is not common to the Karii; they have blond to almost white.)

Eye Colour: Brown

Physical Appearance: He has shoulder length hair held back off his face by a strip of blood red cloth. The reason he wears his hair long is to conceal the whip he has coiled around his neck(The part of the whip that is coiled around his neck is pretty obvious, don't you think?). He has a slender build and is well toned. His hair is the main thing that sets him apart from his people- instead of being white it’s black(It is rare to find a pure blooded Karii to have jet black hair. You need to have a very good explanation in your history.). His skin is smooth and pale. (see avatar)

Clothing: He wears a black tunic and leggings covered by a blood red cloak with a high collar.  His belt has a silver clasp and he wears a single silver cross as an earring on his right ear. He has black leather gloves and wears black riding boots.

Personality: He talks as though he has seen many dark and dangerous things for his age. He is not quiet yet there is a certain need to get to know someone before he will open up to them. He does his best to remain neutral as his job as a bounty hunter means he has to take jobs wherever offered yet he has a strong honorable streak. He is impulsive and headstrong. Even though his face may usually be void of emotion his eyes tell a different story. He is slow to anger yet when he does he loses all control. In his heart he desperately craves any piece of information leading to the murderer of his grandfather. When he smiles it is charming and boyish which shows that beneath the visage of the bounty hunter he is still a normal person.

Strengths and weaknesses: (Bulletpoints here, please.)

Strengths: He is a great swordsman and is quiet as death. He has heightened instincts and they show through in battle. Where his lack of magical training fails him his instincts kick in and help him avoid any major trouble with things associated with magic.(Hmm.. More details for this strength is needed. I can't understand this instinct kicking thing.)

(You have to mention his proficiency in all three weapons here. Also, keep in mind that he's too young to be able to wield three weapons. Lastly, you need to have a very good explanation about the whip. Only shedars have those.)

Weaknesses: He lacks in depth magical training and rushes into things without thinking them through.(This is not a weakness as the majority of the populace has no training in it either.)

You need more weaknesses.

History:  He was bought up by his grandfather in the mountains of Oro. He has no recollection of his parents other than what his grandfather told him(Even though your character doesn't know his parents, you as the author of the CD should.). His grandfather taught him how to use the sword, the touch of death and other various  forms of armed and unarmed combat(He learned all this before age 22?). He returned to his grandfather’s cottage one day after a training run to find it burned to the ground. The only things he could find were his grandfather’s moonblade and his touch of death. Since then he has become a wandering bounty hunter in the hope to hone his skills and find whoever killed his grandfather.(Your history lacks details. Even though I prefer a short history, ww need to know all things that concern your character. You do not need to list down all the event that had happened in his life, just the important ones.)

Weapons: Moonblade, The Aka'pi Leather Whip and the Touch of Death

Belongings:

There you go. Good start so far.
EDIT: Alass pointed out some things that I missed. Good one girl! :D
Have a nice day.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Shansi on September 02, 2007, 01:44:00 AM
I would like to comment in bright orange

Name:  Vincent Varkatzas

Gender: Male

Age: 22 years old (Just a reminder: Age is one of the factors that determines the skill of your character :) )

Race: Human

Tribe: The Kasumarii Men (KAR-II)

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: Night-time Drifter

Appearance:

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 5 Nailsbreadths

Weight: 1 Pygge, 2 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Od

Hair Colour: Jet Black

Eye Colour: Brown

Physical Appearance: He has shoulder length hair held back off his face by a strip of blood red cloth. The reason he wears his hair long is to conceal the whip he has coiled around his neck (I just want to point out that a whip is thick and long so if he coils it around his neck, it will be obvious). He has a slender build and is well toned. His hair is the main thing that sets him apart from his people- instead of being white it’s black(Tell us why is hair is like this?). His skin is smooth and pale. (see avatar) (I don't know but I think you should removed the word (see avatar)

Clothing: He wears a black tunic and leggings covered by a blood red cloak with a high collar.  His belt has a silver clasp and he wears a single silver cross as a earring on his right ear. He has black leather gloves and wears black riding boots.

Personality: He talks as though he has seen many dark and dangerous things for his age. He is not quiet yet there is a certain need to get to know someone before he will open up to them. He does his best to remain neutral as his job as a bounty hunter means he has to take jobs wherever offered yet he has a strong honorable streak . He is impulsive and headstrong. Even though his face may usually be void of emotion his eyes tell a different story. He is slow to anger yet when he does he loses all control. In his heart he desperately craves any piece of information leading to the murderer of his grandfather. When he smiles it is charming and boyish which shows that beneath the visage of the bounty hunter he is still a normal person.

Strengths and weaknesses:

Strengths: He is a great swordsman and is quiet as death. He has heightened instincts and they show through in battle. Where his lack of magical training fails him his instincts kick in and help him avoid any major trouble with things associated with magic.
(Can you seperate each strengths into their own paragraphs please)

Weaknesses: He lacks in depth magical training (Lacking skills in magic is not a weakness since most of the population don't know magic) and rushes into things without thinking them through(Explain to us how these weakness gives him a disadvantage).

History:  He was bought (I think you mean brought) up by his grandfather in the mountains of Oro. He has no recollection of his parents other than what his grandfather told him Why? How? Even though he has insomnia, as a story teller you should tell us a little background before he lost his memories.) . His grandfather taught him how to use the sword, the touch of death and other various  forms of armed and unarmed combat. He returned to his grandfather’s cottage one day after a training run to find it burned to the ground (You should restate this statement. Something is lacking). The only things he could find were his grandfather’s moonblade and his touch of death How did his grandfather got a moonblade?. Since then he has become a wandering bounty hunter in the hope to hone his skills and find whoever killed his grandfather.
(You lack things in the history... You should tell us a little bit of his history before he was brought up by his father into the mountain of Oro)
Weapons: Moonblade, The Aka'pi Leather Whip and the Touch of Death

( I hate to bring bad new but most of the weapons that you have is rare... Even if you are a Kasumarii... the moonblade is still rare and you still have to explain a little bit how his grandfather got it because inheritance is not a good reason. Touch of Death is also rare...)



Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Thorgas Ironforge on September 02, 2007, 10:05:57 AM
A kasumarii passing on a moonblade to a next generation kasumarii is not rare.

What is a touch of death? A sword you named?


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on September 02, 2007, 01:45:25 PM
thankyou for your help guys. the touchh of death is an assassins weapon of R'unorian origin. i am in the process of writing about how his grandfather came across it.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Thorgas Ironforge on September 03, 2007, 11:01:46 AM
Don't forget to color your changes.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Eek on September 04, 2007, 11:36:14 AM
Welcome to Santharia. I will comment on your CD in the watery color of blue

Name:  Vincent Varkatzas

Gender: Male

Age: 29 years old

Race: Human

Tribe: The Kasumarii Men (Kar-II)

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: Night-time Drifter

Appearance:

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 5 Nailsbreadths

Weight: 1 Pygge, 2 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Od

Hair Colour: Jet BlackThis is Uncommon with the Kar-ii

Eye Colour: Brown

Physical Appearance: He has shoulder length hair held back off his face by a strip of blood red cloth. The reason he wears his hair long is to conceal his face when following his bounty. He has a slender build and is well toned. His hair is the main thing that sets him apart from his people;instead of being white it’s black. He colored his hair this way as a promise and a reminder to himself that he would one day avenge his grandfather.Maybe above say dyed Jet Black His skin is smooth and pale.Fragment His sword and whip are at his side- concealed under his cloak but out outreplace second out with of sight from prying eyes.

Clothing: He wears a black tunic and leggings covered by a blood red cloak with a high collar. His belt has a silver clasp and attached to it is a small pouch, his whip, and his sword. And he wears a single silver cross as an earring on his right ear. He has black leather gloves and wears black riding boots.

Personality: He talks as though he has seen many dark and dangerous things for his age. He is not quiet yet there is a certain need to get to know someone before he will open up to them. He does his best to remain neutral as his job as a bounty hunter means he has to take jobs wherever offered yet he has a strong honorable streak. He is impulsive and headstrong. Even though his face may usually be void of emotion his eyes tell a different story. He is slow to anger yet when he does he loses all control. In his heart he desperately craves any piece of information leading to the murderer of his grandfather. When he smiles it is charming and boyish which shows that beneath the vistage of the bounty hunter he is still a normal person.

Strengths and weaknesses:

Strengths:

Weapon Proficiency: His skill with a sword is greater than that of many people of his age and thanks to the teachings of his grandfather he is able to combine the use of his sword with the use of the touch of death.

Weapon Proficiency: He was taught the use of the whip by one of his bounty's as payment to be let live.   

Heightened senses: Due to living in the mountain regions Vincent has developed heightened senses and is even able to read the disturbances in the air around him. This helps him in battle for he is able to sense even the slightest change in the angle of an incoming blade.

Strong Instincts: His instincts are the main reason he is still alive today. From even the slight feeling of being watched to the instinct to duck an unseen projectile.

Stealth: He is extremely quiet and can walk on even the softest ground and leave only a slight trace of his passing.


Weaknesses:

Lack of magical training: This affects him for as a bounty hunter he is required to go after some beings with serious magical knowledge.Average people can't preform magic and makes this not a weakness.

Impatience: He is impatient and rushes into many things without thinking them through. He tends to play many things by air and this leads him into all sorts of trouble.

Finds it hard to trust people: He finds it hard to trust people and this affects him for there have been many things said to him that would have helped him but he has ignored them for he didn't trust the people.

Vengeance: His heart is full with thoughts of vengeance and revenge.vengence and revenge are the same thing. Maybe say soemthing quick about why he wants revenge This allows his judgment to become clouded easily.
Your need to work on this. You have some good Strengths but nothing to counter them with. Maybe add something like him haveing blurred vision every now and then. It would hamper his ability in battle. You should aslo try to find a weakness to counter Stealth.

History: Vincent was brought up by his grandfather in the mountains of Oro. His grandfather was a great adventurer who went by the name of Alkertan Varkatzas.Make one paragraph Alkertan came across many great oddities in his travels including the rare touch of death. This was a gift from a member of the guards council of R'unor when he successfully guided him to the southern beaches to view the departure of the last turtle. Alkertan finally decided on a quiet retirement deep in th mountains of Oro.

Vincent has no recollection of his parents other than what his grandfather told him. This is due to the fact they died of a terrible sickness when he was still a newborn. His parents were Cain and Selene Varkatzas- the great assassin team who were hired by many political and noble identities to take out opposing figures of power. Cain always wore at his side a moonblade that he managed to lay his hands on in the Tower of the guard when they were sent there to assassinate a magi who was researching it's properties.

His grandfather taught him how to use the sword his father left him, the touch of death and other various  forms of  unarmed combat. He returned to his grandfather’s cottage one day after a training run to find it burned to the ground. The only things he could find were his grandfather’s moonblade and his touch of death. Since then he has become a wandering bounty hunter in the hope to hone his skills and find whoever killed his grandfather.How old was he when this happened. Surely it wouldn't be an age much higher than 20 or a lot younger. As long as it wasn't 25 or higher you are forgeting a lot of history.

Weapons: Moonblade, The Aka'pi Leather Whip and the Touch of Death


Well there you are. You are missing your belongings i noticed. I would give this a read through yoruself, at some points it sounded choppy. Lastly, i cannot find anything on the Touch of Death. If you could post a link that would help me personally greatly so i could comment on that if i needed to.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on September 04, 2007, 12:39:27 PM
This is the link with the touch of death on it- it is listed as Touch of Death, The

http://www.santharia.com/startup_new/mainframe_netscape.htm (http://www.santharia.com/startup_new/mainframe_netscape.htm)

But it takes abit of finding so heres a copy of it

 TOUCH OF  DEATH, THE
A rare assassins' weapon of R'unorian orgin consisting of what apears to be a fine elbow length glove, however inside the glove is hidden a spring loaded blade that extends from the wrist when the wearer twists his/her hand back to a 90 degree angle with the forearm. The blade is razor fine approximately the length of the human hand. Backward facing barbs line its sides and once hooked into the victims flesh the wielder simply puls his/her hand away and the blade slides from its mechanism, leaving little incriminating evidence with its wielder.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on September 04, 2007, 12:45:23 PM
The link you have given is invalid. Weapons of Caelereth (http://www.santharia.com/weapons/weapons.htm) There isn't a separate entry for Touch of Death, it is simply listed in the weapons list for Santharia.

Since it is labeled as rare, even among assassins and its creators, please make sure a decent reason is given as to how he obtained such a weapon and learned how to use it.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on September 04, 2007, 12:49:34 PM
will do- sorry about the link


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Thorgas Ironforge on September 05, 2007, 08:46:32 PM
To other commenters: Please do not repeat comments of others when going through a CD. We appreciate people doing this for us but it only tends to confuse players and clutter their CDs with additional unwanted comments. Wait for them to edit their CD's first before you check their CDs again.

Red.

Name:  Vincent Varkatzas

Gender: Male

Age: 29 years old(This is quite young for a person who has trained with three different types of weapons plus the ways of the unarmed combat.)

Race: Human

Tribe: The Kasumarii Men (Kar-II)

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: Night-time Drifter

Appearance:

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 5 Nailsbreadths

Weight: 1 Pygge, 2 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Od

Hair Colour: Jet Black(Maybe you should mention that it is dyed, for example: white hair, but dyed with black.)

Eye Colour: Brown

Physical Appearance: He has shoulder length hair held back off his face by a strip of blood red cloth. The reason he wears his hair long is to conceal his face when following his bounty. He has a slender build and is well toned. His hair is the main thing that sets him apart from his people- instead of being white it’s black. He dyed his hair jet black as a promise and a reminder to himself that he would one day avenge his grandfather. His skin is smooth and pale. His sword and whip are at his side- concealed under his cloak but(remove 'but', put 'and') out of sight from prying eyes.

Clothing: He wears a black tunic and leggings covered by a blood red cloak with a high collar. His belt has a silver clasp and attached to it is a small pouch, his whip and his sword. (Remove 'and')and (H)he wears a single silver cross as an earring on his right ear. He has black leather gloves and wears black riding boots.

Personality: He talks as though he has seen many dark and dangerous things for his age. He is not quiet yet there is a certain need to get to know someone before he will open up to them. He does his best to remain neutral as his job as a bounty hunter means he has to take jobs wherever offered yet he has a strong honorable streak. He is impulsive and headstrong. Even though his face may usually be void of emotion his eyes tell a different story. He is slow to anger yet when he does he loses all control. In his heart he desperately craves any piece of information leading to the murderer of his grandfather. When he smiles it is charming and boyish which shows that beneath the visage of the bounty hunter he is still a normal person.

Strengths and weaknesses:

Strengths:

Weapon Proficiency: His skill with a sword is greater than that of many people of his age and thanks to the teachings of his grandfather he is able to combine the use of his sword with the use of the touch of death.

Weapon Proficiency: He was taught the use of the whip by one of his bounty's as payment to be let live(Remove 'let live', put 'spared from death').   

Heightened senses: Due to living in the mountain regions Vincent has developed heightened senses and is even able to read the disturbances in the air around him(How?). This helps him in battle for he is able to sense even the slightest change in the angle of an incoming blade.(This strength makes you too much of a powerful being. You can sense disturbance in the air and the change in the angle of an incoming blade?)

Strong Instincts: His instincts are the main reason he is still alive today. From even the slight feeling of being watched to the instinct to duck an unseen projectile.(Same comment and strength as the one above.)

Stealth: He is extremely quiet and can walk on even the softest ground and leave only a slight trace of his passing.

(You forgot to include his proficiency with the akapi whip.)


Weaknesses:

Weak wrist: His left wrist sustained serious damage 6 years ago and has yet to fully heal causing him to sometimes lose a strong grip on the hilt of his sword.

Impatience: He is impatient and rushes into many things without thinking them through. He tends to play many things by air and this leads him into all sorts of trouble.

Finds it hard to trust people: He finds it hard to trust people and this affects him for there have been many things said to him that would have helped him but he has ignored them for he didn't trust the people.

Vengeance: His heart is full with thoughts of vengeance. This allows his judgment to become clouded easily.

Clothing Choice: The clothes he wears are loose and rustle which makes it harder to follow someone silently.(This is not a weakness, since you have the option to stalk your prey without using these clothing.)

Your weakened wrist did a wonderful job in keeping your weapon skills in check, but the next two strengths made your character too powerful again.

History: Vincent was brought up by his grandfather in the mountains of Oro. His grandfather was a great adventurer who went by the name of Alkertan Varkatzas. Alkertan came across many great oddities in his travels including a rare touch of death. This was a gift from a member of the guards council of R'unor when he successfully guided him to the southern beaches to view the departure of the last turtle. He remained in R'unor long enough to learn how to use the weapon and left. Alkertan finally decided on a quiet retirement deep in the mountains of Oro.

Vincent has no recollection of his parents other than what his grandfather told him. This is due to the fact they died of a terrible sickness when he was still a newborn. His parents were Cain and Selene Varkatzas- the great assassin team who were hired by many political and noble identities to take out opposing figures of power. Cain always wore at his side a moonblade that he managed to lay his hands on in the (t)Tower of the guard when they were sent there to assassinate a magi who was researching it's properties.

His grandfather taught him how to use the sword his father left him, the touch of death and other various  forms of  unarmed combat(Knowing how to use parts of your body for combat is a strength. Also, did his grandfather train him with the moonblade and the akapi whip too?). At the age of 20, he returned to his grandfather’s cottage one day after a training run to find it burned to the ground. He found his grandfathers broken and bloodied body lying behind the house.The only things that remained intact he could find were his grandfather’s moonblade and his touch of death(These things are valuable, and are prone to being stolen. Maybe saying that you took them with you when you trained, leaving your grandfather weaponless and vulnerable. At least the weapons are still intact.). He buried his grandfather and turned his back on the mountains of Oro and has never returned. Since then he has become a wandering bounty hunter in the hope to hone his skills and find whoever killed his grandfather.

Weapons: Moonblade, The Aka'pi Leather Whip(You haven't mention his training with this whip. Also, keep in mind that these weapons are exclusively for Shendar use. You'll need a good reason as to how he aquired this. Furthermore, the ability to wield this weapon is also a strength.) and the Touch of Death(Describe all these weapons to us. Do they have any particular carvings or decors? How about gems and precious metals of exquisite designs?)

Belongings: clothes, weapons, silver earring, small leather pouch

Have a nice day.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on September 06, 2007, 05:29:06 AM
Thank you- ill make the changes the moment i get some spare time :grin:


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Thorgas Ironforge on September 06, 2007, 12:29:28 PM
Once you have fixed those things, I will give you an approval.

For some strange reason, I grew very fond of this character. Maybe because the name sounds familiar.

Have a nice day.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on September 06, 2007, 12:53:43 PM
 :grin: thanks lol u been a great help and i owe you big time lol


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Thorgas Ironforge on September 06, 2007, 01:52:44 PM
You forgot to add the touch of death in your strengths section. Also, please run this through the spellchecker. After that, you'll get your + sign.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on September 06, 2007, 02:01:55 PM
thanks- have now done that  :D


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Thorgas Ironforge on September 06, 2007, 02:14:55 PM
Changed some of the words in your CD in order to avoid confusion.

First approval given, Vincent.


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on September 06, 2007, 02:16:44 PM
 :rolling: THANK YOU!!!!!!


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Simonne Miller on September 06, 2007, 03:06:24 PM
all right, here's your second approval. Congratulations on an interesting character.

While I was at it, I corrected three grammatical mistakes (two apostrophes that shouldn't have been there, and 'rouge' is the stuff women put on their cheeks. You meant a shendar rogue ;))

Please remove the colour from your CD :)


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Vincent Varkatzas on September 06, 2007, 03:17:45 PM
THANKYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :grin: :rolling: :grin:


Title: Re: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on September 06, 2007, 03:27:06 PM
And titled! Best of Luck.