Adventures of Caelereth

Archives => Approved Characters 2008 => Topic started by: Santhos Avathcin on May 05, 2008, 04:48:54 AM



Title: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on May 05, 2008, 04:48:54 AM
Name: Santhos Avathcin

Gender: Male

Age: 31

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.

Job: Smith

Title: Guardian of the Shady Grove

Height: Two peds tall

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: The deepest darkest Sognastheen green that has ever been placed on Ava's green world.

Appearance: His hands are very large, about the size of his head. His hands don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthened and numbed them from the constant vibrations of the hammer. The skin on his hands is very thick and rough. He has thick, dark brown hair, which is always well groomed and combed. He is rather thin, but he is strongly built, a fair bit stronger than an average man because he has to move around large pieces of metal for smithing and forging. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has a very intimidating gaze, but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan; he's not black but its dark, which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes when the furnaces become to hot for any normal person to stand. He can often be seen strolling through the streets or in his smithy whistling a happy tune as he goes about his business.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability. He also wears a belt with an assortment of knives and his giant hammer, which he wears like a sword in small loops of leather. When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic like at formal occasions of a happy nature and a plain white shirt and dark brown pants made of a coarse fabric for daily use.

Personality: Because of his father, Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures than work with them. He would like to be the silent type but at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned, he can be quite intimidating, but if he doesn't like you, you're not likely to get much more than a cold shoulder. If he decides he does like you then he'll give you a chance to get to know you and further meetings can be expected. He has a strange sense of humor and can't think of any original funny things to say, but he can tell when other people are funny (or trying to be). He also has a hard time understanding sarcasm. A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be angered though it takes a lot to do it. You could insult him to his face and he would be unlikely to respond. He was raised to dislike liars and greatly dislike injustice of any sort and if anything can annoy him it's a human thief. When nervous or thinking, he has the bad habit of biting his nails. He is not much of a people person and he has trouble relating to people because of his unusual history. He would much rather spend his time sitting in a high tree in a forest or hiking through the woods. Santhos greatly believes in the power of written word and he is very organized. He keeps a journal and fills it in at the end of every day of things that happened throughout the day. At times if he is very bored he will write down entire conversations in hopes that he will remember all these things at a later date.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously).

He fights well with daggers, axes at close range and at throwing them properly with pinpoint accuracy from up to 18 peds though he can throw farther. Which is helpful when his hammer is elsewhere.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight, which helps so that thieves and other unfriendly persons can't surprise him well if they are hiding in the shadows.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Meaning, if need be, he can start a fire, kill small game, gut and cook it, usually into some form of stew, if the necessary materials (wood, kindling, a weapon preferably a knife and water) are available.

He is a marvelous climber and can easily scramble up a tree if he's not carrying too much. He has no fear of heights and can climb to very high points on a tree with little trouble.

Santhos can read and write, a skill that his ancestors (on the elven side) prized. He keeps a daily journal of events so that when necessary he can refer back to that to remember something.

Santhos is slightly stronger than your average human. this comes from moving large pieces of metal around his Fathers' smithy. He can lift and move some larger and heavier objects then most men.

Santhos knows several languages and can understand Thergerim, Tharian and Styrash but he has great difficulty with the latter. He can speak Thergerim fluently, Tharian easily but not perfectly, and he can hardly speak Styrash.

Weaknesses:
The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. Due to a horrible accident in his youth he can't swim, though he is too proud to admit it, and he's afraid of large or fast moving bodies of water. He will not willingly go any deeper into a lake or pond than his knees.

Santhos has problems with cold. If it's very cold then his body can't function well. During the winter he is either in his smithy with the furnaces heating the place and wrapped in his cloak to keep warm. When he gets cold he becomes slow and has trouble thinking straight. If he is cold for long he will die. This affects him even before water turns to ice.

He is not a people person, meaning he has extreme trouble relating to people and has trouble understanding/getting to know people, other than his fathers, he knows very few people.

Though he has no fear of heights, he does greatly mind depths. If he was in a hole, canyon, gorge, below ground or, Ava forbid, below sea level he would be very tense and nervous and more often then not light headed.

If someone is talented enough to make him angry, that person, if they were speaking directly to him or harming someone else, is likely to get beat up as much as he can manage. People who are aware of this often tend to avoid him as his temper is something to behold.

He can be absent minded and zone out fairly often and he can easily miss important things if he's not paying attention. The people around him often need to help him stay on track.

Santhos has an even temper but when he becomes angry, he becomes extremely angry and violent. People who have seen his temper usually become quite afraid and avoid any further encounters with Santhos.

He has no talent with sarcasm and will often get confused if someone were to use it around him and he would try to find what the meant without directly asking. Also he has difficulty understanding Styrash and if someone were to speak it to him he would hardly understand if at all.

At some times Santhos can be quite gullible, though this doesn't happen often, when someone deceives him he could go on believing that person from hours to weeks even after they've been proven to be liars, other outcomes could include immediate rage against the liar.

Santhos' hands are constantly numbed from the vibrations of his hammer hitting metals in his fathers' smithy. Because of this he has great trouble manipulating small or delicate objects
without damaging them.

History: Santhos' parents met when his mother, Avath, was 38 years old and when his father was 28. Impressed by his charm and blinded by his beauty Santhos' mother married his father and ran off with him to the city of Marcogg. There she gave birth to a son and named him Santhos, after Santhros King of Santharia. Though Santhos' father was an abnormally stupid man and one time when he was quite drunk Santhos' mother was falsely accused of adultery and Santhos' father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady Grove on horse back with her son. There she died on the doorstep of a home of three Mitharim dwarves, with whom she had gone to visit often, for she had known them since childhood, when the strains of humanity became too much for her (She had been married to him for over a year at this time). For she had been rejected from her tribe for marrying a human with such a low intelligence, and many others rejected her for the same reasons. The dwarfs accepted her for they also had been lost in love and they pitied her greatly for the road she had decided to take and for the suffering that came from it. Her sporadic disappearances into the grove had added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.

When the dwarves found the baby and the dead mother they easily pieced together what happened and they knew they could not take the baby back for his father's temper was a horrible thing to behold and he would be treated even worse than a slave. So they kept him and raised him as the son that they never had, teaching him all they knew. Santhos was cursed with the temper of his father and, upon hearing this he started retreating into the woods to calm himself and learn to keep his temper in check. He would often climb a tree as a boy and just sit for hours listening to the sounds of the forest, the chirping of birds the gentle rustle of leaves and slowly, from his own research, he came to know each plant and animal and how they behaved and what they did. He learned how to fight from his fathers and practiced often on the thieves in the woods driving them away from his home.

While his fathers were smiths they also put great store in knowledge and had a great many books on many topics. Santhos used his many hours when he was not helping in the smithy in the trees reading or working on something or another including reading, writing, languages, different smithing techniques and how to hunt without hurting the animal. One thing that he never really managed to do was swim, when he first tried he swallowed too much water and started to drown he would probably be dead if his one of his fathers hadn't found him and pulled him out in time.

As he grew past them, Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for them in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. Santhos had become a good fighter and was better then all who came to his fathers to cause trouble. His fathers ran a business producing fine objects of great diversity and sold them to a variety of people including the elves, which is where they met his mother when she was young.

Before he was taught how to hunt, Santhos found a very large snake near his fathers' smithy. Upon further observation, he discovered that the snake had only just started to devour a small rat that was squirming with half its body in its mouth. Believing that all things deserve to live Santhos seized a hammer and hit the snake knocking it unconscious. He slowly pulled the rat out of the mouth of the beast and took it home where he quickly gave it an antidote for the snakes poison and nursed it back to health, feeding it small chunks of bread and milk. When he tried to release the rat he found that it would not leave him and it followed him for over a day before Santhos started to carry it in his pocket and on his shoulder.

Santhos has currently left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself and to try and find his father.

Weapons: Santhos carries a giant hammer made of steel and he is most prominent with this weapon but he also carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt which he carries in a special (abnormal not magical) elven belt that his fathers gave him.

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather, a plain white shirt and brown pants made from a coarse fabric, a dark green tunic for formal occasions, and some tools for light smithy work. Other than that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a Ximax Rat named Melody, whose glossy neat fur is black but has light brown streaks in it. She is quite small, obviously born the runt of the litter or whatever a group of baby rats are called. Santhos saved her from the jaws of a snake when he was young, and she rides in one of his pockets when there are around people but is otherwise on his shoulder. Melody is incredibly loyal to Santhos and could be considered to be in love with him. She's quite smart and capable of understanding Tharian, Styrash and she's learning Thergerim as Santhos speaks it. She's incredibly shy and concerned for others feelings. If someone were crying she would appear to  try and comfort them. She is likely to be compared to a young woman in a rat's body. She cannot speak at all but Santhos can easily understand what she wants to communicate because of how long they've been together. Though Santhos found her when she was a child she shows no signs of age and seems to have been blessed with unusual long life.


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centorian-Smith
Post by: Simonne Miller on May 05, 2008, 05:23:52 AM
I'm sorry to have to disappoint you, but we don't have any tribe with wings. You'll have to make him a bit less exotic... I'm sorry.


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centorian-Smith
Post by: Mannix on May 05, 2008, 08:33:50 PM
Check Character Creation Help (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php?page=12) It gives you a layout fot the CD, make sure you use the sub-headings.  You have very little spelling or grammar mistakes, which is good! You spell Centoraurian like.. well.. that.

Mannix


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centorian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on May 06, 2008, 06:00:27 AM
I hope I got every thing correct this time
I fail to see what I missed when it comes to requirements


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centorian-Smith
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on May 06, 2008, 06:22:06 AM
I believe what Mannix was saying was we'd like it if you formatted it like this~

Name: Santhos

Gender: Male

Age: 21...

.... and so on. So basically just put in the section titles for quick reference. You can even color them by doing [ color=red ], and deleting the spaces between the words and brackets.


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centorian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on May 06, 2008, 09:46:27 AM
OK that makes since. Will this work? Please tell me whats wrong with him precisely.


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on May 06, 2008, 03:23:11 PM
Ok, clear concise points it is then  :grin:

~ Your user name needs to be your characters name - you can change this under profile options

~ Your eyes are not possible.

~ Please list your strengths and weaknesses as bullet points, with 2-3 sentences description of each telling us how they help/hinder you

~ Please tell us why he is so afraid of water (in your history)

~ He is 21 and he is an expert in one weapon, good in three, can smith and lockpick and has also learnt magic.  This is too much in too little time. 

~ Magic and weapons is not possible, or at least so close to impossible that it looks very much like impossible unless you spend months looking at it through a microscope.

~ More detail is needed in history, personality and appearance.

~ How did your mother find a dwarf home to dump the baby?  They're pretty secretive about where they live.

Ok, I appologise if some of these sound blunt, its a side effect of the being precise and nothing more.

Good Luck!

Rookie xxx


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on May 07, 2008, 07:41:14 AM
I don't mind the bluntness at all and in fact I thank you for it.
He's not afraid of water he's weakened and at a disadvantage with water cause he's never learned to swim. As for the eyes I want him to be unusual and different in some weird way and I'm not quite sure how to do that. Do you have any suggestions?


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on May 08, 2008, 06:55:18 AM
For any one who will comment on this in the future i would just like to ask that they are clear an concise on what I'm doing wrong and suggest what i should do to improve some things here and there


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Maachàn on May 08, 2008, 01:52:33 PM
Comments will be in yellow

I would like to submit my character.

Name: Santhos Does he have a last name? If not, there should be an explanation as to why.

Gender: Male

Age: 21 - Please check out the Elven Aging Calculator (http://aocrpginfo.awardspace.com/EAC/services/elven_aging_conversion.htm) as the character have elven blood.

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Half-elven would need to have explanation as they are rare, though I have to check the rest of the cd first. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him. You would also need an explanation for this one. I shall check the rest to give a proper comment.

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast (You may want to personalized his title. What kind of an outcast? Though it is up to you

Height: Two peds tall exactly

Hair Color: Black as the darkest night

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on God's green earth

Appearance: His hands are very large and rather disproportionate to his body the slightest bit, the skin on his hands is very thick and don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthend and numbed them I don't know if tools could make your hands numb. Also, you mayy want to rephrase the sentence. He is rather thin but he is strong, a fair bit stronger than a man because of his Elven blood. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has very tan skin. He has a very intimidating gaze but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability, a belt with an assortment of knives, a bow and quiver strapped to his back. When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic. I find his clothing odd for a smith.

Personality: Because of his father Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures than work with them. He would like to be the silent type put at times is actually rather talkative I think the sentence is missing a conjunction. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating and if he doesn't like you, then there is good reason for feeling intimidated. If he decides he does like you then he'll be with you through thick and thin. He has a strange sense of humor and cant think of any original funny things but he can tell with others (most of the time). A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be upset though it takes a lot to do it. He was raised to rather dislike liarsand if any thing can annoy him its a human liar. When nervous or thinking he has the bad habit of biting his nails.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert marksman with a long bow which he always carries on his person. which is very helpful for long distance (obviously) Still, I find a smith learning how to use the bow.

He also fights well with daggers, axes and hammers at close range because of the dwarfs who raised him. which helpful when his bow is not. You have to remember that he has elven blood. Elves will learn things at a slower rate but deeper. They would rather finish one then move to another topic. His age and skill are directly proportional.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a humans eyesight. Which helps a lot with the archery and also seeing things in the shadows so people and other unfriendly persons can't sneak up on him well. People usually sneak on a person behind, so good eyesight is not gonna help him if the person sneaking up to him through the back.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or smithing or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. reasons why this helps are obvious. Even if it is obvious, you still need to state how this helps him. Everyone will benefit differently with this skill.

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. If he gets wet he becomes confused and disoriented, if water gets dumped on him he chokes and can barely stand, and if he's in water "swimming" he would sink like a rock.

Even though he has issues with water, the strengths outwieghs too much the weakness. Try balancing him with more weakness

History: Born in the city of Marcogg, Santhos' mother was (falsely) you may remove the parenthesis on "falsely" accused of adultery because Santhos looked nothing like either of his parents, so his father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady groveSentence needs rephrasing. Also, how come he doesn't look either of his parents?. There she died on the door step of a home of three dwarfs with whom she had gone to visit often when the strains of humanity became too much for herHow come she did not go to her people? Why did she choose to go the dwarves for comfort from the problems of the human world?. Her sporadic disappearances into the grove added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.The dwarfs raised him as their son teaching him all they knew. As he grew past them Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for the dwarfs in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause their deadly. Because of this he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself. This is where I hope his story may begin. You may remove the last sentence

Weapons: Santhos carries a longbow and he is most prominent with this weapon but he carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt with. Any descriptiojn of the weapons? How do they look like? Remember that elves learn in a different manner. It takes a lot of time for an elf to complete one topic.

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather, some tools for light smithy work and about 100 OdYou may remove the money as it will change during your time in an inn.. Other then that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a trained rat which is quite small that he saved from a trap when he was young and it rides in one of the pockets of his bag. This should be mentioned in his history.


General Comment: Do some spellcheck and grammar. Some sentences are run on sentences. I am sorry if this comment is not as clear and concise as you might hope but I hope this would be of help to you.


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on May 09, 2008, 12:06:39 AM
Thank you any reply is most helpful


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Kareesh Valendar on May 09, 2008, 12:46:15 AM
Hello and welcome to Santharia. I'll do a quick Uri-check on ya. Hopefully that's enough for you. And all my comments shall be in this lovely colour.

Name: Santhos

Gender: Male

Age: 21 You do realize that Humans and Elves age differently. You can use the Elven calculator to find out exactly how old your person will be, for people with mixed heritages age differently as well.

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast This isn't a huge deal, but you probably could come up with something more creative for your title. This distinguishes you from the rest of the people of Santharia. But again, not a huge deal.

Height: Two peds tall exactly

Hair Color: Black as the darkest night

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on Gods green earth Just a simple "dark green" would work. ;)

Appearance: His hands are very large and rather disproportionate to his body the slightest bit, the skin on his hands is very thick and don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthend and numbed them. He is rather thin but he is strong, a fair bit stronger then a man because of his Elvin blood. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has very tan skin. He has a very intimidating gaze but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes.

You need to do a grammar/spellcheck on this section. Also, it's not descriptive enough. This section is where you describe your character so that a person can picture him/her in their mind. I can't do that yet.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability, a belt with an assortment of knives, a bow and quiver strapped to his back. When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic.

Same thing in the last section goes for this section as well.

Personality: Because of his father Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures then work with them. He would like to be the silent type put at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating and if he doesn't like you, then there is good reason for feeling intimidated. If he decides he does like you then he'll be with you through thick and thin. He has a strange sense of humor and cant think of any original funny things but he can tell with others (most of the time). A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be upset though it takes a lot to do it. He was raised to rather dislike liarsand if any thing can annoy him its a human liar. When nervous or thinking he has the bad habit of biting his nails.

This has a great start. Perhaps you can expound on some of the reasons why his personality is like this. But again, a great start.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert marksman with a long bow which he always carries on his person. which is very helpful for long distance (obviously)

He also fights well with daggers, axes and hammers at close range because of the dwarfs who raised him. which helpful when his bow is not.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a humans eyesight. Which helps a lot with the archery and also seeing things in the shadows so people and other unfriendly persons can't sneak up on him well.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or smithing or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. reasons why this helps are obvious.

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. If he gets wet he becomes confused and disoriented, if water gets dumped on him he chokes and can barely stand, and if he's in water "swimming" he would sink like a rock.

You are waaaaay unbalanced. You only have one weakness which I can't really see how that could possibly balance out your amazing weapon skills and all that. Also, the age factor which has been mentioned needs to be taken into thought here as well.

History: Born in the city of Marcogg, Santhos' mother was (falsely) accused of adultery because Santhos looked nothing like either of his parents, so his father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady grove. There she died on the door step of a home of three dwarfs with whom she had gone to visit often when the strains of humanity became to much for her. Her sporadic disappearances into the grove added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.The dwarfs raised him as their son teaching him all they knew. As he grew past them Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for the dwarfs in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause their deadly. Because of this he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself. This is where I hope his story may begin.

As mentioned before, Dwarves are pretty secrative about where they live, so I highly doubt that his mother could find them. Also, was Santhos really a child born out of wedlock? Even if your character doesn't know, you, as the author, do. There's more I would like to comment on but my time is running short. Oh, and it would be wise if you didn't really mention you as the author in the CD. These are all suppose to be written "in the world".

Weapons: Santhos carries a longbow and he is most prominent with this weapon but he carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt with.

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather, some tools for light smithy work and about 100 Od. Other then that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a trained rat which is quite small that he saved from a trap when he was young and it rides in one of the pockets of his bag. Why is it so small? How did he train a wild rat? What does it look like? This need to be answered in your history.

Hopefully all this things will help you get your character up off the ground and all that jazz.


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on May 10, 2008, 09:55:48 AM
Thank you for your comments, its very helpful I hope this is better.


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Seh'nara Celebrindal on May 10, 2008, 11:53:46 PM
Hello Santhos, and navy seems to be my colour today. :)

Name: Santhos

Gender: Male

Age: 31

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast

Height: Two peds tall exactly (Exactly? Are you sure? Remember, this is a medieval society, and therefore, measuring equipment was rather primitive.)

Hair Color: Black as the darkest night

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on Gods green earth

Appearance: His hands are very large and rather disproportionate to his body the slightest bit, the skin on his hands is very thick and don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthened and numbed them from the constant vibrations of the hammer. (This is a very long sentence that could be cut up. Also, I don't really get the first part. Perhaps you might want to rephrase it.) He is rather thin but he is strongly built, a fair bit stronger than a man because of his Elven blood. (Elves actually are physically weaker than humans because they're the "fair folk".) He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has very tan skin. He has a very intimidating gaze, but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes. (This is a repetition. Might want to cut out one.) He can often be seen strolling through the streets or in his smithy whistleing (whistling) a happy tune as he goes about his buisness. (business)

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor painted green made for maneuverability, a belt with an assortment of knives, a bow and quiver strapped to his back and a his giant hammer in a small loop of leather on his belt. (As is with your appearance section, it's something that should be cut up.) When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic like at formal occasions of a happy nature.

(What does he wear when he isn't wearing his armour? He can't be wearing it all the time. ;))

Personality: Because of his father Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures then work with them. He would like to be the silent type but at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating and if he doesn't like you, then there is good reason for feeling intimidated. (So if he's pissed off at you, he's be more likely to cut your head off? I'd like some elaboration please.) If he decides he does like you then he'll be with you through thick and thin. He has a strange sense of humor and cant think of any original funny things but he can tell with others (most of the time). (Uh, what? What does this mean? I don't get it. :huh:) A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be upset though it takes a lot to do it. He was raised to rather dislike liars and if any thing can annoy him its a human liar. When nervous or thinking he has the bad habit of biting his nails.

(Okay. There are many loopholes that I can find here, and the sentences don't flow well. For one, if he wants to be a quiet person, what's stopping him? When does he become talkative? For another, him going through everything with you just like that is rather silly. No one would just look at a person and go, "Okay, I like this person. I shall be loyal to him." People actually go through a step called "making friends".)

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously)

He also fights well with daggers, axes at close range because of the dwarfs who raised him. Which helpful when is hammer is else ware. He also is a fair shot with a bow for long range. (Split this up. You have three strengths here: Blade knowledge, axe knowledge, and archery skill.)

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight. Which helps a lot with the archery and also seeing things in the shadows so people and other unfriendly persons can't sneak up on him well if they are hiding in the shadows. (Remember, though he isn't human, he's half elf. An elf would most likely have better eyesight than his. Don't use words like "amazing" like that. And may I please point out that sneaking up on someone requires the person to be *behind* the other. In that case, eyesight doesn't really apply.)

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Reasons why this helps are obvious. (Uh, no. Please elaborate to the extent of your skill.)

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. If he gets wet he becomes confused and disoriented, if water gets dumped on him he chokes and can barely stand, and if he's in water "swimming" he would sink like a rock. (Right. So you're telling me that he gets all weird if he has a bath? This... weakness really doesn't make any sense. Could you like, explain exactly when and where this kicks in?)

Santhos has problems with cold if the temperature is lower then 32 degrees then his body can't function well. During the winter he is either in his smithy with the furnaces heating the place or wrapped in his cloak to keep warm. (There isn't Fahrenheit in Santharia.)

(You really are overpowered. Please add in more weaknesses or tone down on your strengths. In addition you are also a smith, so that is counted as a strength too.)

History: Born in the city of Marcogg, Santhos' mother was falsely accused of adultery because Santhos looked nothing like either of his parents, so his father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady grove. (Too long, could be split up. Also, contradiction. If she's weak, how can she flee quick enough?) There she died on the doorstep of a home of three dwarfs. With whom she had gone to visit often, when the strains of humanity became to much for her. For she had been rejected from her tribe for marrying a human with such a horrible temper, and many others rejected her for the same reasons. The dwarfs accepted her for the also had been cast from their tribe because of their belief the mixing with the humans would be in the peoples better interest. (I don't think that dwarves would just be exiled for that reason. Many dwarves have good relations with humans.) Her sporadic disappearances into the grove had added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother. (So why doesn't she tell her husband that she went to visit the dwarves? And that really leaves the whole question of *why* a elf would marry a bad tempered person.) The dwarfs raised him as their son teaching him all they knew. As he grew past them Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for the dwarfs in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause their deadly. Because of this he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself.

(Right. So where in his history did he *specifically* learn to smith? Or wield all the weapons he claims to be able to? Remember, he isn't old enough to be able to be great in *all* of what he knows. And please paragraph. Seriously.)

Weapons: Santhos carries a longbow and a Giant hammer made of steel and he is most prominent with this weapon but he also carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt with. (Riiiight..... Where exactly does he put all his things? I mean, the bow and the hammer take up the same space, don't it?)

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, (Which is where his weapons are supposed to go.) which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather and some tools for light smithy work. Other then that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a rat named Smite, who is mainly black but has light brown streaks in its fur. He is quite small. Santhos save him from the jaws of a snake when he was young and it rides in one of the pockets of his bag when the are around people but is other wise on his shoulder. (I'd really like you to expand on this. Like, give it a small personality, and describe him more.)

I hope I have helped you. :) You have everything mostly there, just need a bit of polishing up.

Good luck!
Seh'nara


Title: Re: Santhos-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 13, 2008, 09:36:32 AM
I haven't touched this in a while but is this okay? Please be precise. I know he is too strong so I'm trying to find a good weakness that fits him. Also could I please get a santharian equivelent to 32 degrees.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on June 13, 2008, 10:48:38 AM
I do not believe that Santharian temperatures are very well defined unfortunately.

Let me attempt to explain why. Their technology is based on a system of a *bit* higher than medeival times, with certain areas being more advanced and others less studied. As far as my knowledge extends, I do not believe that people in such a time period had a precise way of measuring the temperature.

If I'm correct in assuming that you mean 32 degress Fahrenheit, you are essentially looking for the point at which water freezes. I could imagine Santharians simply describing what the air felt like for their temperatures. Since you are essentially going for the freezing temperature, I would go with the obvious statement: "I think water could turn to ice at that temperature!"

Hopefully that makes sense. So basically, I think they would be very general with their temperatures, and I really do not see specific degrees fitting into the level of technology.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 13, 2008, 11:01:52 AM
Thank You. That complicates how i phrase this but is that okay
and I also changed the rest of it. Please be precise whoever looks at this.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on June 13, 2008, 01:43:52 PM
Hey, I was reading through your CD and was wondering if you could put in why His mother married his father. It doesn't happen everyday and it would be nice to have a bit of an explanation. Thanks.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 14, 2008, 05:31:36 AM
I have a question as to when elves would be as mature as 19 year old humans


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Simonne Miller on June 14, 2008, 05:45:59 AM
Try the Elven Aging Calculator (http://aocrpginfo.awardspace.com/EAC/services/elven_aging_conversion.htm)

It depends on the elf tribe that you want :)


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on June 14, 2008, 12:52:47 PM
Quote
I do not believe that Santharian temperatures are very well defined unfortunately.

With the alchemical aspect which have been developed by various races and tribes, I would think they would've found a way to tell amongst themselves. Nothing which would be able to be mass traded...

But it would be unreliable and need constant attention most likely.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on June 15, 2008, 12:06:46 AM
The main point is that the compendium hasn't defined it yet, so we know nothing about it. Well, the Dev. People are really excited about the temperature thing, and are discussing it avidly, but it will be a while before they get it all settled. Anyways, I have a quick uri ready for you in Blue. :)

Name: Santhos Avathcin

Gender: Male

Age: 31

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast

Height: Two peds tall

Hair Color: Black as the darkest night

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on God(apostrophe)s green earth
God as a deity does not exist in Santharia, so you should probably replace it with Avá's

Appearance: His hands are very large, about the size of his head. (Delete extra space) His hands don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthened and numbed them from the constant vibrations of the hammer. The skin on his hands is very thick and rough. He has thick(comma) light brown hair, which is always well groomed and combed. He is rather thin(comma) but he is strongly built, a fair bit stronger than an average man because of he has to move around large pieces of metal for smithing and forging. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has a very intimidating gaze, but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan; he's not black but its dark, which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes. He can often be seen strolling through the streets or in his smithy whistling a happy tune as he goes about his business.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability. He also wears a belt with an assortment of knives and his giant hammer in small loops of leather on his belt. When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic like at formal occasions of a happy nature and a plain white shirt and dark brown pants made of a coarse fabric for daily use.

Personality: Because of his father(comma) Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures then work with them. He would like to be the silent type but at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating(comma) but if he doesn't like you(comma) your not likely to get much more then a cold shoulder. If he decides he does like you then he'll give you a chance to get to know you and further meetings can be expected. He has a strange sense of humor and can't think of any original funny things(comma) but he can tell when other people are funny (or trying to be). A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be angered though it takes a lot to do it. You could insult him to his face and he would be unlikely to respond. He was raised to dislike liars and if any thing can annoy him it(apostrophe)s a human liar. When nervous or thinking(comma) he has the bad habit of biting his nails. He is not much of a people person and he has trouble relating to people because of his unusual history. He would much rather spend his time sitting in a high tree in a forest or hiking through the woods. Santhos greatly beleives in the power of written word and he is very organized(period) He keeps a journal and fills it in at the end of every day of things that happened throughout the day. At times if he is very bored he will write down entire conversations in hopes that he will remember all these things at a later day.

The ability to read and write should be listed as a strength below.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously)(period)

He fights well with daggers, axes at close range and at throwing them properly because of the dwarfs who raised him. Which (is) helpful when is<--his hammer is else ware<--elsewhere.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight. Which helps so that thieves and other unfriendly persons can't surprise him well if they are hiding in the shadows.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Meaning(comma) if need be(comma) he can start a fire(comma) kill some game(comma) gut and cook it, usually into some form of stew, if the necessary materials (wood, kindling, a weapon preferably a knife and water) are available.

He is a marvelous climber and can easily scramble up a tree if he's not carrying too much.

He has no fear of heights and can climb to very high points on a tree with little trouble <--This strength should be mixed in with the above as they are essentially the same strength, and this one does not count as an advantage on its own.

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. Due to a horrible accident in his youth he can(comma)t swim, though he is to proud to admit it, and he's afraid of large bodies of water. He will not willingly go any deeper into a lake or pond any deeper then<--than his knees.

Santhos has problems with cold(period. If it(apostrophe)s very cold then his body can't function well. During the winter he is either in his smithy with the furnaces heating the place and wrapped in his cloak to keep warm.

He is not a people person(comma) and other then his fathers<--father he knows very few people.

His best friend is a rat.<--This doesn't seem like a weakness.

Though he has no fear of heights(comma) he does greatly mind depths(period) If he was in a hole, canyon, gorge or below ground he would (be) very tense and nervous(period)

Being friends with him can be dangerous as he accidentally hurts the people around him in minor ways(period) You should add something stating the fact that people are aware of this, and often times avoid being friends with him as a result.

If someone is talented enough to make him angry(comma) that person(comma) if the were speaking directly to him(comma) is likely to get minorly<--slightly hurt. (I recommended slightly, as it reads better, and the word minorly doesn't exist. ;)

Strengths and Weaknesses need to be explained in 2-3 sentences of how it helps or hinders him, in order to understand balance. With some you have already done this

History: Born in the city of Marcogg, Santhos' mother was falsely accused of adultery and one time when he was abnormally drunk Santhos' father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady Grove on horse back with her son. There she died on the doorstep of a home of three dwarfs<--dwarves(comma) with whom she had gone to visit often, when the strains of humanity became too much for her. For she had been rejected from her tribe for marrying a human with such a low intelligence, and many others rejected her for the same reasons. The dwarfs accepted her for they also had been cast from their tribe because of their belief that marrying/mating with the humans would be in the people(apostrophe)s better interest. Her sporadic disappearances into the grove had added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.

The dwarfs<--dwarves raised him as their son teaching him all they knew, greatly involving smith work for that is what they were, and also how to defend himself with weapons. As he grew past them(comma) Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for the dwarfs<--dwarves in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self, like how to swim and after a very close incident in which he almost drowned he quit trying, and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause their deadly. Because of this(comma) he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself.

When you say fathers I am assuming you mean the dwarves, not his actually father.

Before he was taught how to hunt(comma) Santhos found a very large snake near his fathers(apostrophe) smithy. Upon further observation(comma) he discovered that the snake had only just started to devour a small rat that was squirming with half its body in its mouth. Believing that all things deserve to live Santhos seized a hammer and hit the snake knocking it unconscious. He slowly pulled the rat out of the mouth of the beast and took it home where he nursed it back to health. When he tried to release the rat he found that it would not leave him and it followed him for over a day before Santhos started to carry it in his pocket.

Perhaps he fed the rat before it was fully healed, as I'm not sure the rat would be *aware* that someone saved his life. It probably would follow him once he gave him food, though.

Weapons: Santhos carries a giant hammer made of steel and he is most prominent with this weapon but he also carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt which he carries in a special (abnormal not magical) elven belt that his fathers gave him.

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather(comma) a plain white shirt and brown pants made from a coarse fabric, a dark green tunic for formal occasions, and some tools for light smithy work. Other then that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a rat named Melody, whose glossy neat fur that is black but has light brown streaks in her fur it. She is quite small(comma) obviously born the runt of the litter or whatever a group of baby rats are called. Santhos saved him from the jaws of a snake when he was young(comma) and she rides in one of his pockets when there are around people but is otherwise on his shoulder. Melody is incredibly loyal to Santhos and she's actually quite smart and capable of understanding a couple languages. She's incredibly shy and concerned for others feelings. If someone were crying she would try and comfort them. She is likely to compared to a young woman in a rat’s body. She cannot speak at all but Santhos can easily understand what she wants to communicate because of how long they've been together. Though Santhos found her when she was a child she shows no signs of age and seems to have been blessed with unusual long life.

Some of the powers you give this rat seem more than a bit unrealistic. She understands several languages, and is constantly aware of how people feel. I just don't think rats are that intelligent. Some animals have the sort of abilities you describe, but rats are not unusually smart. Unless of course you made her a Ximax Rat. (http://www.santharia.com/bestiary/ximax_rat.htm)


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 15, 2008, 10:24:59 AM
Thank you for the help. I fixed everything up that was mentioned and straightened out a couple others.
If it's not too much I would like to request that, along with editing tips, could people also give ideas on how to improve him from where he stands now? Thank you again for all the help I'm getting.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 16, 2008, 03:49:36 AM
I have added how his parents met. It might not be enough but I'm not sure how else it could of happened and the elements seem alright. So I hope this is good enough and please tell me what I'm doing wrong and if its not to much please make suggestions


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 16, 2008, 06:53:08 AM
I feel proud I threw in a picture that matches. I think I got every thing cleaned up properly. Can any one who comments, add what they think could make him better please? Completely optional of course.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Twén Aråerwén on June 16, 2008, 09:43:31 AM
Hello Santhos and welcome to Santharia! I have a few things I noticed immediately in your Description section, that seem to not have made their way to your strength and weaknesses. First, you say that he is slightly stronger than average, not average equals a strength. Secondly you mention that he has numbness in his hands from all the smithing he has done. Numbness in the hands would make working with small and fine objects difficult. This should be a weakness as it inhibits him somewhat. My last thing I wish to mention is, your avatar is already in use by another player, would you change it up so there is no confusion?
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 16, 2008, 12:31:24 PM
Thank You very much for the advice. I have 1 problem I spent an hour looking for this avatar so I'm a little annoyed I have to give it up, but I will willingly do so to avoid confusion. I don't have anything to switch it with and I don't know how to flat out get rid of it. So my question is how do you get rid of it.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Naomi Glitragale on June 16, 2008, 01:10:49 PM
Simply remove the link from the space and click the button to update your profile.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 17, 2008, 02:40:26 AM
Its a down loaded picture and I don't knkow how to take care of that.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on June 17, 2008, 02:42:29 AM
Select the option "I have my own pic" and simply don't put anything there. That will make it go away if you save the changes.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 17, 2008, 02:59:27 AM
Ok I got it. Now back to the CD what else do I need to change/fix, please be precise. How do I know if someone has the avatar or not?


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Sir Ruil Mallister on June 17, 2008, 07:26:42 AM
Trial and error, I would presume.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 17, 2008, 07:33:09 AM
Ok then well thanks for clearing that up. Now back to commenting on the CD. What needs to be changed or modified and feel free to give nonerror suggestions or however your supposed to say that.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Zann Lightbringer on June 17, 2008, 01:36:00 PM
Greetings Santhos, and welcome to the Dream. Comments in the fiery color of red.

Name: Santhos Avathcin

Gender: Male

Age: 31

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.(You'll need a perfectly good reason about why these dwarves should raise him. Even though they are outcasts, they still won't trust other races easily and would prefer their own kind rather than others.)

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast of the Shady Grove

Height: Two peds tall

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on Ava's green world.

Appearance: His hands are very large, about the size of his head(His whole head? Those are very large hands.). His hands don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthened and numbed them from the constant vibrations of the hammer. The skin on his hands is very thick and rough. He has thick, dark brown hair, which is always well groomed and combed. He is rather thin, but he is strongly built, a fair bit stronger than an average man because he has to move around large pieces of metal for smithing and forging. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has a very intimidating gaze, but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan; he's not black but its dark, which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes(Doesn't he smith inside his smithy?). He can often be seen strolling through the streets or in his smithy whistling a happy tune as he goes about his business.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability. He also wears a belt with an assortment of knives and his giant hammer in small loops of leather on his belt(A giant hammer dangling from his belt? How did he manage to walk?). When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic like at formal occasions of a happy nature and a plain white shirt and dark brown pants made of a coarse fabric for daily use.

Personality: Because of his father, Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures then(than) work with them. He would like to be the silent type but at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating, but if he doesn't like you, your(you're) not likely to get much more then(than) a cold shoulder. If he decides he does like you then he'll give you a chance to get to know you and further meetings can be expected. He has a strange sense of humor and can't think of any original funny things to say, but he can tell when other people are funny (or trying to be), he also has a hard time understanding sarcasm. A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be angered though it takes a lot to do it. You could insult him to his face and he would be unlikely to respond. He was raised to dislike liars and if any(no space here) thing can annoy him it's a human liar. When nervous or thinking, he has the bad habit of biting his nails. He is not much of a people person and he has trouble relating to people because of his unusual history. He would much rather spend his time sitting in a high tree in a forest or hiking through the woods. Santhos greatly believes in the power of written word and he is very organized. He keeps a journal and fills it in at the end of every day of things that happened throughout the day. At times if he is very bored he will write down entire conversations in hopes that he will remember all these things at a later date.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously).

He fights well with daggers, axes at close range and at throwing them properly because of the dwarfs who raised him. Which is helpful when his hammer is elsewhere.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight. Which helps so that thieves and other unfriendly persons can't surprise him well if they are hiding in the shadows.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Meaning, if need be, he can start a fire, kill some game, gut and cook it, usually into some form of stew, if the necessary materials (wood, kindling, a weapon preferably a knife and water) are available.

He is a marvelous climber and can easily scramble up a tree if he's not carrying too much. He has no fear of heights and can climb to very high points on a tree with little trouble.

Santhos can read and write, a skill that his ancestors (on the elven side) prised(prized). He keeps a daily journal of events so that when necessary he can refer back to that to remember something.

Santhos is slightly stronger then(than) your average human. this comes from moving large pieces of metal around his Fathers' smithy. He can lift and move some larger and heavier objects then most men.

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. Due to a horrible accident in his youth he can't swim, though he is too proud to admit it, and he's afraid of large bodies of water. He will not willingly go any deeper into a lake or pond than his knees.

Santhos has problems with cold. If it's very cold then his body can't function well. During the winter he is either in his smithy with the furnaces heating the place and wrapped in his cloak to keep warm.(How is this a weakness? Most people can't stand cold either and would shiver if kept in it long enough.)

He is not a people person, and, other then(than) his fathers, he knows very few people.

Though he has no fear of heights, he does mind depths. If he was in a hole, canyon, gorge, below ground(space)or, Ava forbid, below sea level(There are no submarines in Santharia.) he would be very tense and nervous

Being friends with him can be dangerous as he accidentally hurts the people around him in minor ways, because of this people avoid him and he has few friends.

If someone is talented enough to make him angry, that person, if the were speaking directly to him, is likely to get slightly hurt.

He can be (a) scatter brained(scatterbrain) and zone out at times and he can easily miss important things if he's not paying attention. The people around him sometimes need to help him stay on track.

Santhos' hands are constantly numbed from(space)the vibrations of his hammer hitting metals in his fathers' smithy. Because of this he has great trouble manipulating small or deliquite(delicate) objects with(no space here) out damaging them.

History: Santhos' parents met when his mother, Avath, was 38 years old and when his father was 28. Impressed by his charm and blinded by his beauty Santhos' mother married his father and ran off with him to the city of Marcogg. There she gave birth to a son and named him Santhos, after Santhros King of Santharia. Though Santhos' father was a(an) abnormally stupid man and one time when he was quite drunk Santhos' mother was falsely accused of adultery and Santhos' father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady Grove on horse back with her son. There she died on the doorstep of a home of three dwarves, with whom she had gone to visit often, when the strains of humanity became too much for her)She had been married to him for over a year at this time). For she had been rejected from her tribe for marrying a human with such a low intelligence, and many others rejected her for the same reasons. The dwarfs accepted her for they also had been cast from their tribe because of their belief that marrying/mating with the humans would be in the people's better interest(Dwarves don't need to 'believe' that marrying other races would be in the people's best interest. They know very well that such pairs are not compatible, not to mention the fact that they don't trust other races easily. It would take years of development for them to trust others.). Her sporadic disappearances into the grove had added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.

The dwarvess(dwarves) raised him as their son teaching him all they knew, greatly involving smith work for that is what they were, and also how to defend himself with weapons. As he grew past them, Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for them in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self, like how to swim and after a very close incident in which he almost drowned he quit trying, and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause their(they're) deadly. Because of this, he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself.

Before he was taught how to hunt, Santhos found a very large snake near his father's smithy. Upon further observation, he discovered that the snake had only just started to devour a small rat that was squirming with half its body in its mouth. Believing that all things deserve to live Santhos seized a hammer and hit the snake knocking it unconscious. He slowly pulled the rat out of the mouth of the beast and took it home where he nursed it back to health(snakes kill in two ways. One is through poison, which makes rescuing the rat futile unless you have an antidote. The other is through constriction, and in this case the bones of the victim are crushed and there is very little you can do, save to end its pain.), feeding it small chunks of bread and milk. When he tried to release the rat he found that it would not leave him and it followed him for over a day before Santhos started to carry it in his pocket and on his shoulder.

Weapons: Santhos carries a giant hammer made of steel and he is most prominent with this weapon but he also carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt which he carries in a special (abnormal not magical) elven belt that his fathers gave him(elven belt of dwarven manufacture? That is very unlikely since dwarves are not good leather workers and anything they make is 'dwarven'.).

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather, a plain white shirt and brown pants made from a coarse fabric, a dark green tunic for formal occasions, and some tools for light smithy work. Other then(than) that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a Ximax Rat named Melody(Aren't Ximaxian rats found in Ximax?), whose glossy neat fur is black but has light brown streaks in it. She is quite small, obviously born the runt of the litter or whatever a group of baby rats are called. Santhos saved her from the jaws of a snake when he was young, and she rides in one of his pockets when there are around people but is otherwise on his shoulder. Melody is incredibly loyal to Santhos and she's actually quite smart and capable of understanding Tharian. She's incredibly shy and concerned for others feelings. If someone were crying she would try and comfort them. She is likely to compared to a young woman in a rat’s body. She cannot speak at all but Santhos can easily understand what she wants to communicate because of how long they've been together. Though Santhos found her when she was a child she shows no signs of age and seems to have been blessed with unusual long life.

And there you go. Capitalize words where it is needed and fix the comments I gave you. Another thing, I think your S&W's needs to be looked at, as I think you're not balanced. He is good at both melee and ranged warfare, and is an excellent woodsman. These strengths are countered by his being shy, an intolerance to cold, and a probability to hurt others when the conditions are right. I'm only a minimod though, and would leave the S&W's to others with more experience than me.

Have a nice day.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on June 17, 2008, 10:49:32 PM
Ximaxian Rats originated in Ximax, but are now found anywhere but Ximax, as they had the intelligence to flee to an area less populated by Ximax Cats.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on June 20, 2008, 04:16:21 AM
Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously).

He fights well with daggers, axes at close range and at throwing them properly because of the dwarfs who raised him. Which is helpful when his hammer is elsewhere.

How did he learn all this? Did It take a long time?

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight, which helps so that thieves and other unfriendly persons can't surprise him well if they are hiding in the shadows.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Meaning, if need be, he can start a fire, kill some game, gut and cook it, usually into some form of stew, if the necessary materials (wood, kindling, a weapon preferably a knife and water) are available.  Did his "fathers" teach him that?

He is a marvelous climber and can easily scramble up a tree if he's not carrying too much. He has no fear of heights and can climb to very high points on a tree with little trouble.

Santhos can read and write, a skill that his ancestors (on the elven side) prised. He keeps a daily journal of events so that when necessary he can refer back to that to remember something.  Once again, Did his "fathers" teach him that?


Santhos is slightly stronger then your average human. this comes from moving large pieces of metal around his Fathers' smithy. He can lift and move some larger and heavier objects then most men.

 :grin: hope this helped.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 24, 2008, 06:00:30 AM
Thank you for your help. Some of the things that the minimod and Silmarwen said I think was just misread like the belt is of elven manufacture but it was purchased or gained by the dwarves and they gave it to him they didn't make it themselves. Also I think its taken for granted that his fathers taught him every thing he knows because he knows no one else and they raised him from a baby. As for the comment about the submarine no comment. I'm sorry if this offends or sound rude I'm in kinda a bad mood today but I hope people will forgive me for this.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 26, 2008, 10:14:47 AM
I'm in a better mood today I got rid of all the old new comments (the old modifications) and polished up a few things but I think I've run into a road block I've been thinking about one of the comments and I'm a little peeved at myself. Could someone help me with a reason why the dwarves would be outcasts and still very friendly towards elves. Any other comments on any thing else is also much appreciated.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 01, 2008, 05:56:45 AM
Where is every one its been days since any one commented far over a week. I'm sorry if this sounds rude but there has been little moderator function on the CD's. Maybe its just me but I would like some help.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on July 01, 2008, 06:08:09 AM
I can only speak for myself.  I didn't comment on your CD today because there is still the big issue of the dwarves adopting you and to be honest I can't think of a solution  :buck:


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 01, 2008, 11:16:21 PM
I dont really need an answer for that now I sort of have a half baked foggy idea thrugh a dirty window that could work, but it's the other things I'd prefer to have focused on. The dwarves, if any one has an idea, is a bonus not much else. Like I said, any kind of help is appreciated.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Zann Lightbringer on July 04, 2008, 01:09:38 AM
Although dwarves do not trust other 'non-dwarves' easily, it is not entirely impossible. Trust and and even friendship develop between them and the other races, but only after a very long time. Perhaps his mother had been aquainted with the dwarves for a long time that they have befriended her? Keep in mind though, that it will take months, even years for that to happen.

Have a nice day.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 11, 2008, 05:19:48 AM
Thanks for the advice it helps alot but could we get back to checking over the whole thing and not just working on one idea? it would help quite a bit more. Thanks.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Azhira Styralias on July 11, 2008, 05:28:31 AM
Thanks for the advice it helps alot but could we get back to checking over the whole thing and not just working on one idea? it would help quite a bit more. Thanks.

Santhos...please be more appreciative of any comments given to you. There are other CDs awaiting comments and the mods were simply trying to help with an aspect of your CD that was not quite clear. If you can show you fixed the dwarven issue that Zann and Rookie pointed out, then we can comment some more.  :thumbup:


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 11, 2008, 06:09:58 AM
I am very appreciative of any help I can get of all kinds but I'm afraid it does seem as though I'm being rude. I'll try that again.

I am most greatful for all the help I'm being given it does help quite a bit. I think I've got it fixed up quite nicely, except for the problem of why the dwarves are outcasts, yet still are willing to take Santhos in and raise him. I'm not sure what to do but it's not necessary to focus on that bit and any help is appreciated.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on July 11, 2008, 08:32:27 AM
~whispers~ You know, if we focus on 'only one' aspect, it might mean that there's not much else wrong. So, it's not necessarily a bad thing... ;)


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 11, 2008, 10:05:47 AM
-whispers back-Thanks thats all I really wanted to know.
-to everyone else- I think that they might have been framed but they do not seek revenge or at least something to that effect.

-Screams to the heavens thanking God for this brilliant idea.-
I know what to do! :D :rolleyes: :grin: :rolling:
I'll give you a clue. 

:heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:



Now I know how but how and where will I write that?  :undecided:


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on July 11, 2008, 11:32:10 PM
Somebody's a bit smile happy! When you have your "Great Idea" I'll check it out.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 12, 2008, 12:33:34 AM
GAAH somethings wrong and every time I try and modify the modification part goes back to yesterday around 12 o'clock and it wont let me change any thing. I just solved the problem too. The dwarves were rejected by the females and went out into the world and are the wandering bachelors.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on July 12, 2008, 12:35:25 AM
Pretty good, I think. Don't know why it won't let you modify.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 12, 2008, 04:44:10 AM
Ok, I changed it, how's this? I also added a strength, 2 weaknesses and slightly improved some weaknesses. Thank you so much for the help.
-Flourishes bows of gratitude to all who have helped thus far-
Any further is appreciated and to repeat earlier things please be clear.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 13, 2008, 10:25:10 AM
I have no more then two requests.

1. Where could I find info on a small instrument for him to play and any suggestions as to what that could be, preferably something sounds like a flute but as simple as a harmonica.

2. Suggestions for weaknesses that he would be likely to have.

Many Thanks,
Santhos


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Azhira Styralias on July 14, 2008, 11:28:14 PM
Hi Santhos!

1. To my knowledge, there are not very many developed musical instruments in Caelereth but you can maybe invent one similar to a flute and use it. As long as it isn't so far off from a real life instrument, I don't see why not. You could always develop one over in the Developer Boards if you want also.

This discussion lists some possible instrument ideas. (http://www.santharia.com/dev/index.php/topic,9698.0.html)

I'll comment on the rest in Orange:

Name: Santhos Avathcin

Gender: Male

Age: 31 (You will need to consult the elven age calculator for a more specific age description.)

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast of the Shady Grove

Height: Two peds tall

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on Ava's green world.

(Maybe you could describe your colors in Santharian terms? (http://www.santharia.com/standards/colours_of_santharia.htm) Would be more authentic)

Appearance: His hands are very large, about the size of his head. His hands don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthened and numbed them from the constant vibrations of the hammer. The skin on his hands is very thick and rough. He has thick, dark brown hair, which is always well groomed and combed. He is rather thin, but he is strongly built, a fair bit stronger than an average man because he has to move around large pieces of metal for smithing and forging. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has a very intimidating gaze, but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan; he's not black but its dark, which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes when the furnaces become to hot for any normal person to stand. He can often be seen strolling through the streets or in his smithy whistling a happy tune as he goes about his business.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability. He also wears a belt with an assortment of knives and his giant hammer which he wears like a sword in small loops of leather on it. When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic like at formal occasions of a happy nature and a plain white shirt and dark brown pants made of a coarse fabric for daily use.

Personality: Because of his father, Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures than work with them. He would like to be the silent type but at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating, but if he doesn't like you, you're not likely to get much more than a cold shoulder. If he decides he does like you then he'll give you a chance to get to know you and further meetings can be expected. He has a strange sense of humor and can't think of any original funny things to say, but he can tell when other people are funny (or trying to be), he also has a hard time understanding sarcasm. A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be angered though it takes a lot to do it. You could insult him to his face and he would be unlikely to respond. He was raised to dislike liars and greatly dislike injustice of any sort and if anything can annoy him it's a human thief. When nervous or thinking, he has the bad habit of biting his nails. He is not much of a people person and he has trouble relating to people because of his unusual history. He would much rather spend his time sitting in a high tree in a forest or hiking through the woods. Santhos greatly believes in the power of written word and he is very organized. He keeps a journal and fills it in at the end of every day of things that happened throughout the day. At times if he is very bored he will write down entire conversations in hopes that he will remember all these things at a later date.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously).

He fights well with daggers, axes at close range and at throwing them properly because of the dwarfs who raised him. Which is helpful when his hammer is elsewhere.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight, which helps so that thieves and other unfriendly persons can't surprise him well if they are hiding in the shadows.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Meaning, if need be, he can start a fire, kill small game, gut and cook it, usually into some form of stew, if the necessary materials (wood, kindling, a weapon preferably a knife and water) are available.

He is a marvelous climber and can easily scramble up a tree if he's not carrying too much. He has no fear of heights and can climb to very high points on a tree with little trouble.

Santhos can read and write, a skill that his ancestors (on the elven side) prized. He keeps a daily journal of events so that when necessary he can refer back to that to remember something.

Santhos is slightly stronger than your average human. this comes from moving large pieces of metal around his Fathers' smithy. He can lift and move some larger and heavier objects then most men.

Santhos is trilingual and can understand Thergerim, Tharian and Styrash but he has great difficulty with the latter. (Trilingual wouldn't be the Santharian term here...he can understand multiple languages, but can he speak them too?)

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. Due to a horrible accident in his youth he can't swim, though he is too proud to admit it, and he's afraid of large or fast moving bodies of water. He will not willingly go any deeper into a lake or pond than his knees.

Santhos has problems with cold. If it's very cold then his body can't function well. During the winter he is either in his smithy with the furnaces heating the place and wrapped in his cloak to keep warm. If he gets too cold he becomes slow and has trouble thinking straight. If he is too cold for too long he will die. (I think this applies to most people about the cold. Most peasants would react the same way if they were too cold so this wouldn't be considered a terribly hindering weakness unless you lived in the far north.)

He is not a people person, and, other than his fathers, he knows very few people. (I would describe a bit what makes you not much of a people person. How do you treat people differently?)

Though he has no fear of heights, he does greatly mind depths. If he was in a hole, canyon, gorge, below ground or, Ava forbid, below sea level he would be very tense and nervous and more often then not light headed. (Again, unless you are frequently in a hole or canyon, how does this weakness hinder you in your daily life?)

Being friends with him can be dangerous as he accidentally hurts the people around him in minor ways, because of this people avoid him and he has very few friends. (How do you hurt people? Why?)

If someone is talented enough to make him angry, that person, if the were speaking directly to him or harming someone else, is likely to get hurt, scared or worse. (This applies to most people. You make someone angry, you can expect a reaction from that person, obviously.)

He can be scatter brained and zone out at times and he can easily miss important things if he's not paying attention. The people around him sometimes need to help him stay on track. (Scatter brained is not a Santharian term...perhaps you can say he loses focus during certain situations? When he doesn't get enough sleep? Or food? Or when he is around crowds? Have something trigger the focus issues.)

He has no talent with sarcasm and will often get confused if someone were to use it around him and he would try to find what the meant without directly asking. (Again, not a weakness really. Perhaps you have difficulty understanding a certain language like Tharian? That would make if difficult for you to function in a world where Tharian is mostly spoken.)

At some times Santhos can be quite gullible, though this doesn't happen often, when someone deceives him he could go on believing that person from hours to weeks even after they've been proven to be liars, other outcomes could include immediate rage against the liar.

Santhos' hands are constantly numbed from the vibrations of his hammer hitting metals in his fathers' smithy. Because of this he has great trouble manipulating small or delicate objects without damaging them.

History: Santhos' parents met when his mother, Avath, was 38 years old and when his father was 28. Impressed by his charm and blinded by his beauty Santhos' mother married his father and ran off with him to the city of Marcogg. There she gave birth to a son and named him Santhos, after Santhros King of Santharia. Though Santhos' father was an abnormally stupid man and one time when he was quite drunk Santhos' mother was falsely accused of adultery and Santhos' father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady Grove on horse back with her son. There she died on the doorstep of a home of three dwarves, with whom she had gone to visit often, for she had known them since childhood, when the strains of humanity became too much for her (She had been married to him for over a year at this time). For she had been rejected from her tribe for marrying a human with such a low intelligence, and many others rejected her for the same reasons. The dwarfs accepted her for they also had been lost in love and they pitied her for the road she had decided to take. Her sporadic disappearances into the grove had added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.

(An interesting history so far! I like how the relationship developed and degraded over time. It describes the all too often racism involved in a multi-racial relationship.  :thumbup:)

The dwarves raised him as their son teaching him all they knew, greatly involving smith work for that is what they were, and also how to defend himself with weapons. As he grew past them, Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for them in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self, like how to swim and after a very close incident in which he almost drowned he quit trying, and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause they're deadly. Because of this, he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself.

(Which tribe of dwarves were you raised by? And why wouldn't the dwarves take you back to the human city for care? I don't really a good reason for the dwarves to care for let alone raise a half-elf child unless the mother was very special to the dwarves in some way and owed her a favor. That needs explained a bit more I think.)

Before he was taught how to hunt, Santhos found a very large snake near his fathers' smithy. Upon further observation, he discovered that the snake had only just started to devour a small rat that was squirming with half its body in its mouth. Believing that all things deserve to live Santhos seized a hammer and hit the snake knocking it unconscious. He slowly pulled the rat out of the mouth of the beast and took it home where he quickly gave it an antidote for the snakes poison and nursed it back to health, feeding it small chunks of bread and milk. When he tried to release the rat he found that it would not leave him and it followed him for over a day before Santhos started to carry it in his pocket and on his shoulder.

(I'd like to know a bit more about how you learned to use the hammer and knives. How did you learn wilderness survival? What about your history gave you the personality you have? I feel that much more needs explaining about these issues. You can list all of the strengths and weaknesses you want, but I like to see in your history how you came about those strengths and weaknesses.)

Weapons: Santhos carries a giant hammer made of steel and he is most prominent with this weapon but he also carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt which he carries in a special (abnormal not magical) elven belt that his fathers gave him.

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather, a plain white shirt and brown pants made from a coarse fabric, a dark green tunic for formal occasions, and some tools for light smithy work. Other than that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a Ximax Rat named Melody, whose glossy neat fur is black but has light brown streaks in it. She is quite small, obviously born the runt of the litter or whatever a group of baby rats are called. Santhos saved her from the jaws of a snake when he was young, and she rides in one of his pockets when there are around people but is otherwise on his shoulder. Melody is incredibly loyal to Santhos and could be considered to be in love with him. She's quite smart and capable of understanding Tharian, Styrash and she is learning Thergerim from Santhos. She's incredibly shy and concerned for others feelings. If someone were crying she would try and comfort them. She is likely to compared to a young woman in a rat's body. She cannot speak at all but Santhos can easily understand what she wants to communicate because of how long they've been together. Though Santhos found her when she was a child she shows no signs of age and seems to have been blessed with unusual long life.

(Overall, a good start here, Santhos, but I feel this needs some more detail on your strengths and weaknesses. There is alot there to explain. See to that and I can give more comments.  ;))


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on July 15, 2008, 05:35:19 AM
I changed this to the pencil icon while you are making edits. Feel free to change it back to the exclamation mark when you are ready for comments.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 17, 2008, 06:33:39 AM
Wow there hasn't been an edit like this for a long time or at all for this CD. Thank you for making me explain that I like that much better I hope you do too. There's one thing I would like to request and that is for there to be no more comments saying that I should look at the ageing calender thing I have and I don't blame you for making sure or anything I'm just confirming that I have. Again thank you so much for the help it's greatly appreciated.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Azhira Styralias on July 17, 2008, 08:25:40 AM
Glad you approve, Santhos. We've got some new moderators around here so you can expect some good comments and quicker approvals now.  :D


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 18, 2008, 02:16:59 AM
Fantastic I'm looking forward to it.
I'm having problems with my computer and it won't let me login to role playing all the time, so I decided that until the problem is fixed, I'll stay logged in. So I might not be here even if it says I am. It's just getting ridiculous and I can't take it any more so I'm just gonna do this.

Thank you for all your help,
Santhos Avathcin


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Belyan Cuivizanel on July 19, 2008, 10:30:13 PM
Hello Santhos,
I think that your CD looks really good so far and I don't see major problems. However, there were three minor things you might have to change or amend:

First, write how far he can throw daggers. Usually, very well trained throwers have a range of between 20 to 25 peds.

Secondly: Your rat. I think Eléyr already said that Ximax Rats are indeed more intelligent than any other rat. But, according to the description, I don't think that the rat can distinct different languages, if you know what I mean. Just say that Santhos taught her commands in different languages so that others would not understand what he wants the rat to do.  It would be very impressive if the rat would even understand simple commands but giving her psychological abilities is a bit too much.

Thirdly, you should think of a reason why he travels around. After all, this is an RPG and you surely want to have some fun in different stories. Maybe his fathers died at some point and he didn't see a reason why to stay in the Shady Grove?

I think you've solved the rest quite well and I'm looking forward to RPG with you soon!


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 20, 2008, 08:34:55 AM
As for the first point duly noted, the last your quite right but for the second I don't know. I don't get what you mean if your saying that she's a trained rat and not a intelligent one I object and I suggest you research Ximax Rats more thoroughly but if that is not your point then please explain.


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on July 20, 2008, 09:04:49 AM
1. I believe she's saying that the rat is aware of what the words mean, but thinks of them as synonyms of each other, rather than actually 'knowing' that it is a different language. This makes sense, as the entry states it knows all everyday words in our languages, but doesn't necessarily know that they are a different language, and is intelligent but not sentient. ~shrugs~

2. Basically here's what could be done with that section. When you say she tries to comfort sad people, perhaps say it 'appears' she is comforting sad people, by exhibiting friendly signs. Or something to that effect. This would remedy the situation, to Belyan's (and my) liking. IMHO

3.
Quote
If someone is talented enough to make him angry, that person, if the<--they were speaking directly to him or harming someone else, is likely to get beat up as much as he can manage. This weakness doesn't really count, unless you add a sentence stating that people are aware of his tendency to hurt people and can avoid him as a result.

4.
Quote
Santhos' hands are constantly numbed from the vibrations of his hammer hitting metals in his fathers' smithy. Because of this he has great trouble manipulating small or delicate objects Delete the extra spacing here.
without damaging them.

5. I might recommend coloring your section titles, as it simply makes things easier to find. The code is [ color=XXX ] but delete the spaces between the brackets and the words. Most colors can be inserted in the 'XXX' section, but avoid darker colors as they can be hard to read.

Other than those small things, I can't really find anything wrong with it. This seems well written, and has really come together. Fix these up and I'll see if you're ready for an approval. :)

~Sincerely~
Eléyr Fásamár


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on July 20, 2008, 09:24:19 AM
Thank you for the help. Hows this I think I worked on every thing pointed out. Any thing I've missed?

Many Thanks,
Santhos Avacthin


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on July 20, 2008, 09:46:21 AM
~First Approval~


Title: Re: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on July 20, 2008, 11:03:57 AM
Second Approval!

Title, and moved