Adventures of Caelereth

Archives => Approved Characters Archive II => Topic started by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 06, 2008, 07:42:51 AM



Title: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 06, 2008, 07:42:51 AM
Name: Silmarwen Elanessë

Gender: Female

Age: 35

Race: She is 3/4 Elven and 1/4 Human.

Tribe: Silmarwen is Arthyron and Centoraurian.

Occupation: Healer/Poet

Title: Poet of the Áv'jeín

Overview
   Silmarwen is a lover of arts and music, and has a passion for her instrument, the lyre. Her love for nature and writing makes her perfect for her title, Poet. She also can define plants very well, which gives her great opportunities to study in the ways of healing. Liking to avoid violence or fighting, she stays out of everyone's way if she can.

Appearance
   Silmarwen is slightly under two peds in height. She is slim and has the average weight for an Arthyron. She has light brown hair, but in the sun it looks more like the Arthyron blond. It is usually held back with a ribbon or hidden in the hood of her cape so people usually don't see it's long length. She has misty gray, emotional eyes that strike people the most out of all her traits. She has a slender, yet firm build, and her feet are smaller than most elves. However, she is still mostly Arthyron and has a great percentage of their traits.

Clothing
   She wears a garb not of the usual water resistant material, since she is usually not around water. She does wear a long hooded cape around her, which is a very dark shade of blue. She wears breeches like most other Athyrons, which are the color of her cape; with a long sleeved shirt, which is a lighter blue; under a vest also of the darker shade. She has a long strip of silky cloth, the color of her shirt, that she wears to keep her hair out of her eyes. Her shoes are a thick cloth bound around her ankles with tight lacings.

Personality
   Silmarwen is quiet, unless it's necessary to converse for business. She is confident of herself despite this, which shows sure signs of a successful life ahead of her. Growing up to realize she was different from the rest, Silmarwen didn't learn why until she was 14 years old. She noticed how her mother was treated and her dissimilarities, and she often wondered but never asked why, for fear of offense. She never felt she belonged anywhere, so she started to spend more time out in the woods. However, she is still content with her life. She loves all nature and finds it more comfortable away from people and with animals and trees. She finds peace there and is rarely seen. Anything green and growing seems to give her life. Dawn and twilight are her favorite times of the days, and she becomes more alive then, unlike her usual far away air. She hates the thought of killing any living creature and doesn't eat meat. It repulses her, especially since she is so close to many animals.
   
   When she was young and she first encountered the true force of fire, it burned up a section of the forest. From then on she hated and feared the natural consumer. As a girl she never liked being in over crowded areas or rooms and when in one, she breaks into nervous sweats and all her senses freeze up. She hates seeing caged animals and loves the freedom of all creatures in the woods. She doesn't feel any hostility towards any races, and especially likes Humans. Dark elves she is suspicious of, however. She has few friends, but she doesn't mind. She is happier living a solitary life. Still, she is civil to others and loves to hear stories of distant lands and such. She acts as a healer to any who need her help.

   Being a healer doesn't stop Silmarwen from being afraid of one thing; death. She, as a healer feels the need to help anyone in need and is always afraid of loosing someone in need of healing forever. She would blame herself if she couldn’t heal someone and would carry guilt with her for the rest of her days. She has never not been able to heal someone but her fear still remains. She is also afraid of her own death. The thought of dying, to her, brings unimaginable fear into her heart. The thing that comforts her most is the feeling after successfully helping a sick patient through illness.

Strengths
   - Silmarwen has very strong mental strengths. She is a fast thinker and could easily settle fights if she had the courage to speak up. She can be surprisingly persuasive when she has means to be, and is a very serious conversationalist.
   
   - Her physical strengths are not as great, but are still helpful. She can climb well and has no fear of heights. She could climb higher than almost anyone, and can reach the thinner top branches. It allows her with a good choice of hiding if she has to.
   
   - She has good aim, and can throw knives and easily hit targets, of any kind, in a fair range. She can hit anything up to 15 peds away with great accuracy. Any farther away and she might hit it but. This would help if any danger attacked, but she only uses them as a defense mechanism. One time a wolf threatened travelers in the forest and she tried to frighten it away by hitting targets close by it. She would have killed it if it had threatened any more, but she was thankful when it ran away.
   
   - Silmarwen is very good at observing plants, and knows just about every individual plant in her area. She was trained in the ways of a healer and has the ability to tell all sorts of healing or poisonous plants apart.
   
   - She learned to play the lyre when she was young and, when she has spare time, she will take it out and play it. It also helped the animals in the forest to be less afraid of her, because of it's soothing and beautiful sound.

Weaknesses
   - Silmarwen has a natural dislike towards fire and doesn't use it unless she needs to. She sees it as a natural destroyer and even the smell of smoke will disgust her. She uses it more frequently during winter where warmth is needed and there is little chance of anything catching fire. She only willingly uses it when it is needed for a certain remedy, or for warmth. Small fires don't physically bother her but great quantaties of it will almost paralyze her with fear. This developed when she watched as it destroyed part of the forest when she was a child.

   - She also hates small closed in spaces. If in one, extreme pressure and anxiety takes hold and she looses all senses. She would rather be in wide open fields and forests more than any building or closed-in area. Still, if she needs to, she will go into buildings for meetings or important gatherings and such, as long as it's not in cramped conditions.
   
   - She is not a good public speaker, which hinders her from speaking her mind when she has a good point. It is surprising to many after reading some of her poetry. She is very shy when around people, but her acquaintance is much appreciated by the few who have gotten to know her.

   - Silmarwen cannot abide loud noises. They make her skittish and frightened, and if she's in an unfamiliar place she's bound to panic and get lost. She stays away from big crowds and would much rather be in her quiet and peaceful forest dwelling.

History
   Silmarwen's grandfather came from a tribe of humans, but not one hostile to elves; the Centoraurian’s. The intermarriages of her family cause conflict, of course, and were mostly results of young ignorance, and love. And thought the family lost some respectability, through the years they survived and gained their normal lives back. Her mother, Iman, was his daughter and Iman’s mother was an elf of the Arthyron tribe. Silmarwen's mother was raised in the tribe and married the elf Gweyn, the Arthyron elf. Silmarwen was accepted in the tribe, but the unease of her mixed heritage passed down from her parents set her aside from most elves.
   
   They raised Silmarwen together and let her join them in the trading business until she was old enough to earn her own title. Her mother taught her to play the lyre when she was young, while her father taught her how to use the set of knives he gave her. She became friends with many of the elderly in the village, including the weaver Alatariel, who gave her her vest. She loved to listen and read poetry and other writers’ works, dreaming of becoming as accomplished as they were. She also loved growing things and would plant flowers in her garden, spending much time caring for them.She never knew her grandparents, so she has no clue of her mixed ethnicity.

   All went well until Gweyn died while on a trading ship that sunk in a storm when Silmarwen was 19. After this, Silmarwen’s quiet nature came out more and she became more distant than before. Her mother stayed with her after that, only long enough to tell her about her mixed ethnic background. After that, she gave her a pendant, which had been passed down to her from her grandfather, and the cloak, which had belonged to her grandmother. Silmarwen took them and left the next day, carrying only her few belongings.
   
   At first the journeying was hard for her, and she spent much time alone. She slept under the stars and trees for many nights and became used to living in the forest. She became accustomed to the animals and found birds exceedingly interesting. She was very familiar with the forest and it's ways after studying it for about a year.
   
   While traveling through the forest she came across an old hut. Inside lived an old healer woman, not Elven but human who went by the name of Andúnë Táralóm. She became good friends with Andúnë, who taught Silmarwen the ways of a healer. However, the mystery of how the old healer came to be there remained until sickness overcame Andúnë.
   
   She had lived in a village, not far from Silmarwen’s, where her father worked as a historian. Of course he thought education was important and he taught Andúnë himself, how to read and write. Her mother had been a town healer and passed on her knowledge to her daughter, who had a keen eye for plants. They were a fairly wealthy family and bought a dog to add to the small family. Their lives went on in peace until Andúnë had become 20. Her mother became ill and died a slow death leaving her father in a state of depression. With no one to comfort her, she made what she could of her life and took up the post as a healer, like her mother. Andúnë stayed to care for her father until he passed away years later.

   Andúnë, then, almost in a state of depression, left her home for the forest with their dog and lived as a hermit until her senses returned. She made use of her life by resuming the healer identity and made a record of forest plants and remedies. Her only companion was her families dog and when it died she was lonely enough to buy another one with money she had earned from selling herbs and remedies. It was young and only months after buying it Silmarwen appeared.
   
   Andúnë passed away when Silmarwen was 27, leaving a record of healing and useful plants, and her Zeiphyrian Hunting Hound, Fley. Silmarwen continued to study and now has the knowledge of a healer, though she is more known for her poetry.

Weapons
   Silmarwen has a pouch with small throwing knives, only to be used in self defense if she needs them.

Belongings
   She carries a lyre with her to play on occasion. It is not very big but carved of well seasoned cream colored wood with beautiful images of flowering vines set in it. She also owns a pendent passed down in her family as a talisman which she never takes off. It is a large blue tinted stone with a green jewel in the center. While having no specific magical powers, it is more of a good luck charm to Silmarwen, and is a reminder to her of her family. She has a book of bound parchment, also, which she always carries with her to write in. She also keeps the record of plants and herbs left by Andúnë.

Familiars
   When she first settled into her home, she found a young Zeiphyrian hunting hound trained by Andúnë there. She was friendly and seemed to have no problems with being around Silmarwen, and she soon became attached to her, and she to her. Its name was Fley, and when Andúnë died, she was left with Silmarwen. Fley hunts for her own food, but Silmarwen never touches the meat, due to her restricted non-meat diet. Fley is intelligent and a fast learner, and after some training she is able to help Silmarwen find certain herbs and plants. She has a better smelling ability then most dogs and this helps her in her tasks. Silmarwen only has to give her the scent of the plant and she can find it.


Title: Re: Silmarwen - Arthyron - Historian
Post by: Kareesh Valendar on May 06, 2008, 09:24:35 AM
Just a couple of comments for ya.

1) You don't have a history section. That's a must.

2) If my memory serves me right, you can only use one element in magic. Also, one must be taught how to use it.

3) Your Strengths and weaknesses need to be in a "list" form. Basically, you need to list them and explain how they are a strength or a weakness.

I'm sure either a mod or a mini-mod will stop by to give you an uri-check. Just my two sans as I was passing through. ^^


Title: Re: Silmarwen - Arthyron - Historian
Post by: Mannix on May 06, 2008, 05:40:10 PM
Just a quick check.
- You will want to expand quite a few sections, history, personality, magic etc.
- Explain your stengths and weaknesses, how do they help of hinder.
- You also need more weaknesses.
- A surname is a nice touch.
- I'm not sure you understand how we RPG check the FAQs (in my signature)

Mannix


Title: Re: Silmarwen - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on May 07, 2008, 08:08:58 AM
Hello Silmarwen and welcome to Santharia! Here's a check in Blue!
 
Name: Silmarwen Last names aren't required, but they're nice.

Gender: Female

Age: Is 19, but strange for she looks her age instead of carrying the usual elvish youth. This is expected to be the outcome of some Human ethnicity.
That's not quite the way elven aging looks here. If she is 19, she would look like a 12 year old. If you want her to appear 19 you should make her 29. Note that these are if she is 75% elven, rather than 85, which she would be in the scenario you describe below. See my comment in the tribe. ;) Here's (http://aocrpginfo.awardspace.com/EAC/services/elven_aging_conversion.htm) the elven aging calculator.

Race: She is partially human but mostly elf.

Tribe: Silmarwen and her parents were born in the Arthyron tribe. Her mothers father however was of the human race making Silmarwen only 85% true Arthyron. She was accepted into the tribe but unease with her parents has been passed on to her. Not treated like an outcast, she is merely ignored by some but she is content. Tribe means primarily ethinticity, not where she grew up. And 1 out of 4 grandparents being human, would make her 75% Arthryon, not 85%. But we won't to avoid the use of percentages, so it should be stated simply as such: "Three quarter Arthyron and one quarter (insert human tribe here)" Yes, you have to actually select what human tribe she is from too. :)

Currently, your character is located in the place they are born with their tribe. Unfortunately, most elven tribes are rather reclusive and you need to have an explanation of why your character left their home in order to participate in stories. This will effect you occupation, etc. so I won't further my comments until you add in that explanation and alter things it changes.  :)

Oh and by the way. Though you don't techincally say 'bump' in your posts, in general it is asked that you wait 3 days between bumping, as the mod team has a lot of CD's to comment on and we have RL too.


Title: Re: Silmarwen - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Azhira Styralias on May 07, 2008, 08:32:53 AM
Hi Silmarwen! You have a good start here, but let me see if I can help you out...

Name: Silmarwen

Gender: Female

Age: Is 19, but strange for she looks her age instead of carrying the usual elvish youth. This is expected to be the outcome of some Human ethnicity. (At 19 years of age, there is little difference in appearance in human and elf...its a young age no matter what race you are. Simply put 19 and explain in detail later.)

Race: She is partially human but mostly elf. (For this, all you need to do is name the two races she is composed of - elf and human. You can explain in detail later.)

Tribe: Silmarwen and her parents were born in the Arthyron tribe. Her mothers father however was of the human race making Silmarwen only 85% true Arthyron. She only recently found out. She was accepted into the tribe but unease with her parents has been passed on to her. Not treated like an outcast, she is merely ignored by some but she is content. (Again, no need to explain right now...that is what Appearance/History is for. Simply name the two tribes she is composed of.)

Occupation: Her parents have their own trading business in instrumentals and musical materials and have given her a position in trading with them until she can make her own living as a poet. (Simply put trader/poet. Explain the rest later.)

Title: Surprisingly, Silmarwin has a more advanced mind than others would suspect. She has a unique love for literary arts and has a passion for writing. She has great talent in poetry especially and is already very successful. She has been excepted as a poet in the Arthyron tribe. (No need to explain right now. A title is simply one or two words that your character is basically known as - simply Poet or something creative along those lines will suffice.)

Overview: Silmarwen is a lover of arts and music. Her love for nature and writing makes her perfect for her title, Poet. (A bit more here...an Overview is not required for approval, but it is nice for others to read at a glance to know what your character is about. A bit more in here would be nice. Three to four sentences.)

Appearance: Silmarwen is two nailsbreaths under two peds. (Or you could simply say that she is slightly under two peds in height) She is slim and has the average weight for an Arthyron. She has light brown hair but in the sun looks more like the Arthyron blond. She has light gray eyes that sometimes look blue, mostly when the sun is shining it's brightest. She has a slender yet firm build. Her feet are smaller than most elves and her fingers are not as long. However she is still mostly Arthyron and has most of their traits.

Clothing: She wears a garb not of the usual water resistant material but with a long hooded cape around her. She wears breeches like the others with a long sleeved shirt under her vest.

Personality: Silmarwen is quiet unless it's necessary to converse. She is confident of herself despite this which shows sure signs of a successful life ahead of her.  Growing up to realize she was different from the rest, Silmarwen didn't learn why until she was 14 years old. She started the spend more time out in the woods. She loves all nature and finds it more comfortable away from people and with animals and trees. She finds peace there and is rarely seen in town. She hates fighting but will step in if she knows it's right. (A bit more here. Does she have any quirks? What makes her happy? Does she have bad habits? What does she think of her life? What does she think of other races? etc etc...This is an important section as it describes how your character acts, feels and behaves when roleplaying.)

Strengths:
               -Silmarwen has very strong mental strengths. She is a fast thinker and can talk her way out of many situations, if she needs to. Even though she talks only when she has to she writes a great deal and she is most known for her poetry.
              -Her physical strengths are not as great but are still helpful. She can climb well and has no fear of heights. She writes mostly in trees where she finds peace and inspiration where she cannot be bothered by others from the village.

(You name a few strengths here that should be listed separately. List writing as a strength. List your mental strengths separately too such as your fast thinking and talking skills. Also list your skill in climbing and that you do not fear heights. I would also list another strength too.)

Weaknesses:
                   -Silmarwen has a profound fear of fire. She sees it as a natural destroyer and even the smell of smoke will choke her and freeze her up.
                   -She also hates small closed in spaces. If in one claustrophobia takes hold and she looses all senses. She would rather be in wide open fields and forests more than any building or closed in area.
                   -She is not a good swimmer which is bad for her since she lives near the sea and rivers. She doesn't mind water she just can't seem to get the hang of deep water. She loves small streams however.
                   -She is not a good public speaker which is surprising to  many after reading some of her poetry.

(Your weaknesses are decent, but I would remove your lack of swimming skill as most peasants you are comparing yourself to can't swim either...so it's not really a weakness. Also public speaking is not really a weakness either unless you make a living doing it as most people aren't good public speakers either.)

Magic: Silmarwen rarely uses her magic but practices daily. Her mother taught her Wind Magic up to level two and Silmarwen finds it almost as enjoyable to learn this as writing. In her spare time, when not writing, she will go to the forest to practice her magic as long as no one is around but her mother, on occasion.

(A word about magic...Magic is not easy to learn and this section will require alot of research and ability to explain well. What you have so far won't be good enough for approval. You need to explain your spells, why you use magic, how it affects your life and how you learned it...)

History: Silmarwen's grandfather came from a tribe of humans, but not one hostile to elves. Her mother, Iman, was his daughter but Iman’s mother was an elf of the Arthyron tribe. Silmarwen's mother was raised in the tribe and married the elf Gweyn, the Arthyron elf. They had Silmarwen who is now being raised only by her mother. Her father died while a storm sunk the trading ship he was on. Shortly after this Silmarwen's mother told her of her mixed ancestry (this is where the story will start). After this she became more and more detached from the tribe and spent more time away from village and in the forests. Her mother decided to teach her Wind magic, not only to make her more like the others in the tribe but to lengthen her abilities and talents which are recognized by her mother.

(Your history will need some more explanation too. Most history sections are three paragraphs or longer. You need to explain your birth, your childhood, experiences you had, training you had, your family...etc. Try to be creative here.)

Weapons: Even though she is taking up writing she is a trained archer as well in case of threat. She always carries her bow with her but rarely has to use it. She also has a pouch with small throwing knives. (If you possess any kind of weapons skill, you need to list it as a strength in the above section and also explain how you were trained in your history section. By the looks of it, for your age, bow skill is probably all you would really know...throwing knives are not typically used among elves unless you have special training.)

Belongings: She carries a lyre with her to the forest on occasion. She also owns a pendent passed down from her family as a talisman which she never takes off. She has a book of bound parchment, also, which she will take to the forest to write in. (Do you know how to play the lyre? If so, it is a strength and needs explaining)

Familiars: She loves animals especially birds and has a Wynd Racer that she calls Fley. She found it on the outskirts of the village and, seeing as it was separated from it's flock, took it in. Fley occasionally flies off but always comes back to Silmarwen. She has trained her to fetch her throwing knives in case of a battle. They are have a very thick bond and are very loyal friends to each other. (Your familiar will need more explanation too. Taking in a wild animal and training it is hard to do unless you found it as a baby...and there are no guarantees it will live with you so young. And, training a bird to fetch throwing knives is not feasible...perhaps a dog, but not a bird.)

I hope this helps, Silmarwen. As you can see, you'll need to explain alot more here. But, the good news is you have a good start and it shouldn't be a problem for you. Good luck!  :D


Title: Re: Silmarwen - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on May 07, 2008, 09:23:17 AM
Basically, you are still living in an elven village. No stories take place in elven villages. You need to explain why your character left his elven village, to travel around, because no stories take place inside elven villages. Understand?

Oh, and regarding age, I personally think there's a big difference between what appears to be a 12 year old, and what appears to be a 19 year old. It would only be going up to 29. Not that it is a big deal if she looks 12, just she specifically states she wants her to look 19, which would make her 29. :huh: Even with elves 10 years can be a fairly big difference, and actually at the early stages they grow faster, but still slower than humans. So, if you want her to appear to be 19 she should be around 29. If you want her to be 19, she'll look like a 12 year old. That's a 7 year appearance difference, you know?


Title: Re: Silmarwen - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Simonne Miller on May 07, 2008, 03:33:52 PM
The posticon that you put up is moderator-only use, to signify that there's a BIG problem with a CD... If I were you, I'd change it to the normal exclamation mark ;)


Title: Re: Silmarwen - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on May 07, 2008, 03:47:12 PM
Also, this is what you get from the Elven Aging Calculator

Quote
Your elf is 25% Race (Human), 75% Arthyron, and will live a maximum of 470 years.

Your elf looks like a human about 12 years old, has the aproximate  knowledge & training of a 12 year old human, and is 19 years old.

So your elf will not only look 12, she will act 12 too.


Title: Re: Silmarwen Táralóm - Arthyron - Healer/Poet
Post by: Maachàn on May 08, 2008, 02:13:38 PM
Ello! My comment will be in yellow

Name: Silmarwen Táralóm

Gender: Female

Age: 35 Please check the Elven Aging Calculator (http://aocrpginfo.awardspace.com/EAC/services/elven_aging_conversion.htm) Remember to make sure her heritage is 75 percent Arthyron

Race: She is only Three quarters true Arthyron and 1 quarter Centoraurian.

Tribe: Silmarwen is Arthyron and Centoraurian. which one is which? What is her mother's trobe and what is her fathers?

Occupation: Healer/Poet

Title: Healer/Poet - You can only have one title. Titles are like those you see in the fiction books. "The King, The Beautiful, The Greay Pilgrim. However you can be more creative when giving your character a title :)

Overview: Silmarwen is a lover of arts and music. Her love for nature and writing makes her perfect for her title, Poet. She also can define plants very well which gives her great opportunities to study in the ways of healing.

Appearance: Silmarwen is slightly under two peds in height. She is slim and has the average weight for an Arthyron. She has light brown hair but in the sun looks more like the Arthyron blond. She has light gray eyes that sometimes look blue That is strange. Grey and blue are two colors which are very different from each other. So grey cannot be blue under any natural light., mostly when the sun is shining it's brightest. She has a slender yet firm build. Her feet are smaller than most elves and her fingers are not as long. However she is still mostly Arthyron and has most of their traits.

Clothing: She wears a garb not of the usual water resistant material Is there any particular reason why she doesn't wear the usual clothing? but with a long hooded cape around her. She wears breeches like the others with a long sleeved shirt under her vest.

Personality: Silmarwen is quiet unless it’s necessary to converse for business. She is confident of herself despite this which shows sure signs of a successful life ahead of her.  Growing up to realize she was different from the rest, Silmarwen didn't learn why until she was 14 years old. She never felt she belonged anywhere so she started the spend more time out in the woods. However she is still content with her life. She loves all nature and finds it more comfortable away from people and with animals and trees. She finds peace there and is rarely seen. Anything green and growing seems to give her life. Dawn and twilight are her favorite times of the days and she becomes more alive then, unlike her usual far away air. She doesn’t feel any hostility towards any races and especially likes Humans. Dark elves she is suspicious of, however. She has few friends but she doesn’t mind. She is happier living a solitary life. Still she is civil to others and loves to hear stories of distant lands and such.

Strengths:
               -Silmarwen has very strong mental strengths.
           -She is a fast thinker and can talk her way out of many situations, if she needs to.
           -Even though she talks only when she has to she writes a great deal and she is most known for her poetry.
       -She writes mostly in trees where she finds peace and inspiration where she cannot be bothered by others How does writing in trees give her an advantage over normal people? An example or two should be okay.
               -Her physical strengths are not as great but are still helpful. She can climb well and has no fear of heights.
           - She has good aim and can throw knives with and can easily hit targets.
           - She is a talented archer as well and keeps her bow ready for safety.
             - Silmarwen is very good at observing plants. She was trained in the ways of a healer and has the ability to tell all sorts of healing or poisonous plants apart.
          
Weaknesses:
                   -Silmarwen hates to be near fire unless she absolutely needs to.. She sees it as a natural destroyer and even the smell of smoke will disgust her. The only time she will use fire is when it is needed for a certain remedy.
                   -She also hates small closed in spaces. If in one claustrophobia takes hold and she looses all senses. She would rather be in wide open fields and forests more than any building or closed in area.
                   -She is not a good swimmer which is bad for her since she lives near the sea and rivers. She doesn't mind water she just can't seem to get the hang of deep water. She loves small streams however.
                   -She is not a good public speaker which is surprising to  many after reading some of her poetry.
The character is quite unbalanced. She is skilled in a couple of weapons so you may want to add a weakness or two. :)
History: Silmarwen's grandfather came from a tribe of humans, but not one hostile to elves. Her mother, Iman, was his daughter but Iman’s mother was an elf of the Arthyron tribe. Silmarwen's mother was raised in the tribe and married the elf Gweyn, the Arthyron elf. Silmarwen was excepted accepted in the tribe but the unease of her mixed heritage passed down from her parents set her aside from most elves.
   They raised Silmarwen together and let her join them in the trading business until Gweyn died while on a trading ship that sunk in a storm when Silmarwen was 19. Her mother stayed with Silmarwen after that, only long enough to tell her about her mixed ethnic background. After that she gave her a pendant which had been passed down to her from her grandfather. Silmarwen took is and left the next day carrying only her few belongings (see below).
   While traveling through the forest she came across an old hut. Inside lived an old healer women, not elven but human who went by the name AndúnĎ FĎfalas. She became good friends with AndúnĎ who taught Silmarwen the ways of a healer. She passed away when Silmarwen was 27, leaving a record of healing and useful plants. Silmarwen continued to study and now has knowledge enough to take up the title healer as well as poet.

Weapons: Even though she is taking up writing she is a trained archer as well in case of threat. She always carries her bow with her but rarely has to use it. She also has a pouch with small throwing knives.
About elves: Elves learn at a slower rate than humans since they like to know more about the topic and master it. That is why it takes an elf a long time to be a master of a skill. When was she taught archery and how long? In your strength, you mention about her ability with knives, when did she learn it and for how long. She seems to be very goo with a lot of weapons.

Belongings: She carries a lyre with her to play on occasion When did she learn how to play the lyre? Elves tend to learn one thing at a time. She also owns a pendent passed down from her family as a talisman which she never takes off. She has a book of bound parchment, also, which she always carries with her to write in. She also keeps a record of plants and herbs left by AndúnĎ.

Familiars: When she first settled into her home a young Zeiphyrian Hunting Hound trained by AndúnĎ there. It was friendly and seemed to have no problems with being around Silmarwen and it soon became attached to her, and she to it. It’s name was Fley and when AndúnĎ died she was left with her. Fley hunts for her own food but Silmarwen never touched the meat. This should also be mentioned on her history

General comment: There are some grammar errors and spelling mistakes that you should look up to. I hope you keep working on this cd, and Good Luck!


Title: Re: Silmarwen Táralóm - Arthyron - Healer/Poet
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on May 09, 2008, 07:01:46 AM
Ill bet you are gonna get their first and your doing a wonderful job


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Mannix on May 10, 2008, 11:02:57 AM
You really need to change your message icon to the exclamation mark.  No one will comment on this if you don't.

Mannix


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Sir Ruil Mallister on May 12, 2008, 02:35:02 AM
Okay, I glanced through and noticed a few things that I thought I'd point out.

First off, your history seems a little short.  While it is not required to write a novel to be approved, it helps to give lots of detail on the significant events in your character's life.  Death in the family is a difficult thing to bear (even if you're not particularly close to the person), and I think that should be explored a bit.  What effect did her grandparent's death have on her?  Why did she just leave the village when her father died?  How did his death affect her?  Just thinking about little things like this will have a big impact on how your character evolves, which usually makes them even more fun to play.

Also, you mention a few things throughout your CD that really should be addressed in your personality section.  You mention your dog hunts for its own food, yet Silmarwen doesn't touch the meat.  Why not?  Does she dislike the thought of an animal dying?  Does raw meat gross her out?  You also say that she dislikes fire and suffers claustrophobia, but neither of these are spoken of in your personality section.  I would recommend taking the time to glance through your CD and essentially pull everything together.  You've got little things spread all over the CD, so at least mentioning them in the proper sections will really help out.

Expand just a bit on your history and personality section, and make sure to acknowledge the comments of the mods.  With that, you should be on your way.


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 12, 2008, 02:51:31 AM
Thanx For the help. :)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 14, 2008, 09:35:11 AM
Ok, I tried to modify it some so, now what's next to embellish on? :)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Pikel Thunderstone on May 16, 2008, 11:54:34 AM
Hello. Just thought i'd pop in and help you out a bit

The main issue i see is a very serious lack of detail. For instance, look at your clothing section. Your actual garb isn't described at all, except that it is not waterproof. Thus, how it looks is unknown. Flesh that section out a bit.

As for your S&W, a lot more details are needed. You need to tell us *how good* your character is at all her strengths, and *how bad* at her weaknesses.

Strengths:
               -Silmarwen has very strong mental strengths. This is a little vague. You should define what these strengths are, and how they help your character.
           -She is a fast thinker and can talk her way out of many situations, if she needs to. Give an example or two. tell us just how good she is at this.
           -Even though she talks only when she has to she writes a great deal and she is most known for her poetry. How does this help her?
           -Her physical strengths are not as great but are still helpful. She can climb well and has no fear of heights. how does this help. Flesh out how well she can climb.
           - She has good aim and can throw knives with and can easily hit targets. How well? give examples.
             - Silmarwen is very good at observing plants. She was trained in the ways of a healer and has the ability to tell all sorts of healing or poisonous plants apart.
         
Weaknesses:
                   - Silmarwen hates to be near fire unless she absolutely needs to.. She sees it as a natural destroyer and even the smell of smoke will disgust her. The only time she will use fire is when it is needed for a certain remedy. How does this hinder her?
                   -She also hates small closed in spaces. If in one claustrophobia takes hold and she looses all senses. She would rather be in wide open fields and forests more than any building or closed in area. How does this hinder her?
               -Silmarwen is not a fast runner and is used to a slow peaceful pace. How does this hinder her?
                   -She is not a good swimmer which is bad for her since she lives near the sea and rivers. She doesn't mind water she just can't seem to get the hang of deep water. She loves small streams however. How does this hinder her?
                   -She is not a good public speaker which is surprising to  many after reading some of her poetry. How does this hinder her?

These aren't the only sections that need more detail, but i hope you're starting to get the idea. I'm putting up the pencil icon until you really detail out this CD


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 18, 2008, 05:40:58 AM
Ok, I tried to beafen it up some. I hope it's getting better but I'm having a good time with this!


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Alassiel Telrúnya on May 18, 2008, 05:40:27 PM
Hey Silmarwen, just a really minor point...

Quote
Race: She is only Three quarters Arthyron which her father was a pure blood and 1 quarter Centoraurian from her mothers grand father.

You should put all that information about tribes in your history, perhaps. All you really need to put for race is Elvish and Human, or if you really want to be more detailed, Three quarters elvish and one quarter human.

And the last few words of that sentence, her mother's grandfather, did you actually mean her mother's father, or did you mean her great-grandfather? ;)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 19, 2008, 02:07:13 AM
I think I meant that  :rolleyes: :shocked:


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on May 20, 2008, 09:34:35 AM
Hey Silmarwen, here's a full run through for you in Blue!

Name: Silmarwen Elanessë

Gender: Female

Age: 35

Race: She is 3/4 elven and 1/4 human. <-- You might want to capitalize 'Elven' and 'Human,' as they are kinda proper nouns. It's kinda like saying someone is Asian in a multi-raced world.

Tribe: Silmarwen is Arthyron and Centoraurian.

Occupation: Healer/Poet

Title: Poet of the Áv'jeín <-- Just thought I'd say that I like the title. :biggrin:

Overview: Silmarwen is a lover of arts and music. Her love for nature and writing makes her perfect for her title, Poet. She also can define plants very well which gives her great opportunities to study in the ways of healing.

Appearance: Silmarwen is slightly under two peds in height. She is slim and has the average weight for an Arthyron. She has light brown hair(comma) but in the sun looks more like the Arthyron blond. She has misty gray eyes. She has a slender(comma) yet firm build. Her feet are smaller than most elves and her fingers are not as long. However she is still mostly Arthyron and has most of their traits.

Clothing: She wears a garb not of the usual water resistant material(comma) since she is usually not around water. She does wear a (You just have an extra space here. ;)) long hooded cape around her, a very dark shade of blue. She wears breeches like the others(comma) which is the color of her cape,<--(semicolon, not comma) with a long sleeved shirt(comma) which is a lighter blue,<--(semicolon) under a vest also of the darker shade. She has a long strip of silky cloth, the color of her shirt, that she wears to keep her hair out of her eyes.

Personality: Silmarwen is quiet unless it's necessary to converse for business. She is confident of herself despite this(comma) which shows sure signs of a successful life ahead of her. (Another extra space here ;)) Growing up to realize she was different from the rest, Silmarwen didn't learn why until she was 14 years old. She never felt she belonged anywhere so she started the<--to spend more time out in the woods. However(comma) she is still content with her life. She loves all nature and finds it more comfortable away from people and with animals and trees. She finds peace there and is rarely seen. Anything green and growing seems to give her life. Dawn and twilight are her favorite times of the days(comma) and she becomes more alive then, unlike her usual far away air. She hates the thought of killing any living creature and doesn't eat meat. It repulses her especially since she is so close to many animals. When she was young she first encountered fire which burned up a section of the forest. From then on she hated and feared the natural consumer. As a girl she never liked being in over crowded areas or rooms and when in one she breaks into nervous sweats and all her senses freeze up. She hated seeing caged animals and loves the freedom of all creatures in the woods. She doesn't feel any hostility towards any races and especially likes Humans. Dark elves she is suspicious of, however. She has few friends but she doesn't mind. She is happier living a solitary life. Still(comma) she is civil to others and loves to hear stories of distant lands and such.

I like the effort you've have put forth to add detail in this sections, Silmarwen. :) However, could you break the one large paragraph into to two, maybe?

Strengths:
               -Silmarwen has very strong mental strengths. She is a fast thinker and could easily settle fights if she had the courage to speak up.(Space)
          -Her physical strengths are not as great but are still helpful. She can climb well and has no fear of heights. She could climb higher than most anyone and can reach the thinner top branches. It allows her with a good choice of hiding if she has to.
(Space)
           - She has good aim and can throw knives with and can easily hit targets. This would help if any danger attacked(comma) and she only (Just have an extra space! ;)) uses them as a defense mechanism. One time a wolf threatened travelers in the forest and she was able to wound (it) several times(comma) forcing it to run away.
(Space)
             - Silmarwen is very good at observing plants. She was trained in the ways of a healer and has the ability to tell all sorts of healing or poisonous plants apart.
           
Weaknesses:
                   - Silmarwen hates to be near fire unless she absolutely needs to. She sees it as a natural destroyer and even the smell of smoke will disgust her. The only time she will use fire is when it is needed for a certain remedy.
(Space)
                   -She also hates small closed in spaces. If in one(comma) claustrophobia takes hold and she looses all senses. She would rather be in wide open fields and forests more than any building or closed in area. This makes it hard to learn news of any sort or to meet with anyone if she needs to. The small, closed in spaces is okay. However, I would warn you against the dislike of buildings. Some stories might have plenty of out door space, but a lot will require you to enter buildings.
(Space)
            -She is not a good swimmer(comma) which is bad for her since she lives near the sea and rivers. She doesn't mind water she just can't seem to get the hang of deep water. She loves small streams however. So she has to be extra careful if she is crossing a river or in a boat. <-- I am not sure this one counts as a weakness, as the average peasant is probably not a good swimmer. If she was scared  of water, that might be a weakness, but being a bad swimmer won't. ;)
(Space)
                   -She is not a good public speaker(comma) which hinders her from speaking her mind when she has a good point. It is surprising to (Extra Space!) many after reading some of her poetry.

The bullets in this section are kind of uneven, and I think it is because you used spaces. If you press the tab button, it will provide you with a consistent amount of space, rather than some being farther out than others. However, I am known to nitpick about aesthetics. ;)
       
History: Silmarwen's grandfather came from a tribe of humans, but not one hostile to elves. Her mother, Iman, was his daughter but Iman’s mother was an elf of the Arthyron tribe. Silmarwen's mother was raised in the tribe and married the elf Gweyn, the Arthyron elf. Silmarwen was accepted in the tribe(comma) but the unease of her mixed heritage passed down from her parents set her aside from most elves.
(Space)
   They raised Silmarwen together and let her join them in the trading business until she was old enough to earn her own title. Her mother taught her to play the lyre when she was young while her father taught her how to use the set of knives he gave her. She became friends with many of the elderly in the village(comma) including the weaver Alatariel who gave her her vest. She loved to listen and read poetry and other writers works dreaming of becoming as accomplished. She also loved growing things and would plant flowers in her garden(comma) spending much time caring for them.
(Space)
   She never knew her grandparents so she has no clue of her mixed ethnicity. All went well until Gweyn died while on a trading ship that sunk in a storm when Silmarwen was 19. After this(comma) Silmarwen’s quiet nature came out more and she became more distant than before. Her mother stayed with her after that, only long enough to tell her about her mixed ethnic background. After that she gave her a pendant which had been passed down to her from her grandfather and the cloak which had belonged to her grandmother. Silmarwen took them and left the next day carrying only her few belongings (see below). <-- The see below probably isn't necessary. ;)
(Space)
   At first the journeying was hard for her, and she spent much time alone. She slept under the stars and trees for many nights and became used to living in the forest. She became accustomed to the animals and found birds exceedingly interesting. She was very familiar with the forest and it's ways after studying it for about a year.
(Space)
   While traveling through the forest she came across an old hut. Inside lived an old healer women, not elven but human who went by the Andúnë Táralóm. She became good friends with Andúnë who taught Silmarwen the ways of a healer. She passed away when Silmarwen was 27, leaving a record of healing and useful plants, and her Zeiphyrian Hunting Hound, Fley. Silmarwen continued to study and now has knowledge of that of a healer though she is more known for her poetry.

I'm assuming that she does wander out of her forest on occasion. Because currently no stories take place in *this* forest, so she'd probably have to exit it eventually to RP.

Weapons: Silmarwen has a pouch with small throwing knives, only to be used in self defense if she needs them.

Belongings: She carries a lyre with her to play on occasion. It is not very big(color) but carved of well seasoned wood with beautiful carving<--Might want to use designs or something here, since you already used 'carved' in this sentence. ;) set in it. She also owns a pendent<--pendant passed down from her family as a talisman which she never takes off. It is a large blue tinted stone with a green jewel in the center. You don't specifically say the stone has magical properties, but the word talisman kinda worries me. You can leave it as long as its clear that it isn't magical. She has a book of bound parchment, also, which she always carries with her to write in. She also keeps a record of plants and herbs left by Andúnë.

Familiars: When she first settled into her home (she found) a young Zeiphyrian hunting hound trained by Andúnë there. It was friendly and seemed to have no problems with being around Silmarwen(comma) and it soon became attached to her, and she to it. It's name was Fley and when Andúnë died she was left with her. Fley hunts for her own food but Silmarwen never touched the meat(comma) due to her vegetarian principles. That's just a suggestion, as I think someone had said that part was unclear as to why. ;)

Wow, Silmarwen. Your CD is really improving since I first read it. Fix these things up, and you should be just about ready for approval! Keep, it up!

Sincerely,
Eléyr Fásamár

PS~ I like the new avatar! :)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 20, 2008, 10:43:56 AM
Thanks a lot for the encouragement! It's good to know I'm making progress and your help really does make sense! Wow, I feel pretty good right now thanks to you!


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 21, 2008, 06:33:36 AM
OK, I fixed it up a bit and I'm happy that most of the problems were grammatical. :)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Mannix on May 21, 2008, 05:53:10 PM
I couldn't find much to comment on so just a spelling and grammar check, which by the way is small :thumbup:.  Changes in the oh so yummy chocolate:
- She also can define plants very well,(add a comma) which gives her great opportunities to study in the ways of healing. Not one for violence or fighting she stays out of everyone’s way most of the time.
- She has a long strip of silky cloth, the color of her shirt,(either get rid of the comma or change that to which, I’d do the latter.) that she wears to keep her hair out of her eyes.
- When she was young she first encountered fire,(add a comma) which burned up a section of the forest.
- She would rather be in wide-open(You could hyphenate this, but it’s extremely minor) fields and forests more than any building or closed in area.
- She is not a good public speaker,(delete ‘r’) which hinders her from speaking her mind when she has a good point.
- After that she gave her a pendant,(add a comma)  which had been passed down to her from her grandfather,(add a comma)  and the cloak,(add a comma)  which had belonged to her grandmother.
- Its name was Fley and when Andúnë died she was left with her.
Apart from this it's very good, approval shouldn't be far off now.

Mannix


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 27, 2008, 12:50:03 AM
I fixed what you said. Thanks for the advice and encouragement!!


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Maachàn on May 27, 2008, 04:41:07 AM
His SIlmarwen! I am her to comment in yellow



Overview: Silmarwen is a lover of arts and music and has a passion for her instrument: the lyre. Her love for nature and writing makes her perfect for her title, Poet. She also can define plants very well, which gives her great opportunities to study in the ways of healing. Not one for violence or fighting she stays out of everyones way most of the time.The last sentence needs some rephrasing

Just a small nitpicking :) The CD is on its way to approval but you may want to check punctuations, since some of the sentences lacks some.


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 27, 2008, 11:07:44 AM
Thanks


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Nox Echiiscuan on May 28, 2008, 08:44:33 AM
I'm going to give your CD a quick run through. ^_^   Mostly, I will be looking at grammar, phrasing, and spelling. I'm sorry if my comments contradict any of the ones already given to you.

All of my comments, suggestions, and corrections, will be made ravishing in red.



Overview: Silmarwen is a lover of arts and music,<-(comma) and has a passion for her instrument:<-(this should be a comma) the lyre. Her love for nature and writing makes her perfect for her title, Poet. She also can define plants very well, which gives her great opportunities to study in the ways of healing. Liking to avoid violence or fighting, she stays out of everyones way.

Appearance: Silmarwen is slightly under two peds in height.<-(Just so you know, 2 Peds is 6'6".) She is slim and has the average weight for an Arthyron. She has light brown hair, but in the sun looks more like the Arthyron blond. It is usually held back with a ribbon or hidden in the hood of her cape so people usually don’t see it's long length. She has misty gray, emotional eyes that strike people the most out of all her traits. She has a slender, yet firm build, and her feet are smaller than most elves. However,<-(comma) she is still mostly Arthyron and has most of their traits.

Clothing: She wears a garb not of the usual water resistant material, since she is usually not around water. She does wear a long hooded cape around her, which is a very dark shade of blue. She wears breeches like the others,<-(Like the others? I'm not sure what you mean by that... Could you clarify?) which are the color of her cape; with a long sleeved shirt, which is a lighter blue; under a vest also of the darker shade.<-(I personally think that you should break this into two separate sentences. Though, I'll leave that decision up to you, as I don't think that it's absolutely necessary.) She has a long strip of silky cloth, the color of her shirt, that she wears to keep her hair out of her eyes. Her shoes are a thick cloth bound around her ankles with tight lacings.

Personality: Silmarwen is quiet,<-(comma) unless it's necessary to converse for business. She is confident of herself despite this, which shows sure signs of a successful life ahead of her. Growing up to realize she was different from the rest, Silmarwen didn't learn why until she was 14 years old. She never felt she belonged anywhere,<-(comma) so she started to spend more time out in the woods. However, she is still content with her life. She loves all nature and finds it more comfortable away from people and with animals and trees. She finds peace there and is rarely seen. Anything green and growing seems to give her life. Dawn and twilight are her favorite times of the days, and she becomes more alive then, unlike her usual far away air. She hates the thought of killing any living creature and doesn't eat meat. It repulses her,<-(comma) especially since she is so close to many animals.
   When she was young she first encountered fire, which burned up a section of the forest. From then on she hated and feared the natural consumer. As a girl she never liked being in over crowded areas or rooms and when in one,<-(comma) she breaks into nervous sweats and all her senses freeze up. She hates seeing caged animals and loves the freedom of all creatures in the woods. She doesn't feel any hostility towards any races<-(comma) and especially likes Humans. Dark elves she is suspicious of, however. She has few friends,<-(comma) but she doesn't mind. She is happier living a solitary life. Still, she is civil to others and loves to hear stories of distant lands and such.

Strengths:
   -Silmarwen has very strong mental strengths. She is a fast thinker and could easily settle fights if she had the courage to speak up.
   
   -Her physical strengths are not as great,<-(comma) but are still helpful. She can climb well and has no fear of heights. She could climb higher than almost anyone,<-(comma) and can reach the thinner top branches. It allows her with a good choice of hiding if she has to.
   
   - She has good aim,<-(comma) and can throw knives with and can easily hit targets. This would help if any danger attacked, and but she only uses them as a defense mechanism. One time a wolf threatened travelers in the forest and she was able to wound it several times, forcing it to run away.<-(But you stressed earlier that she loved animals. Someone that loves animals as much as you have seemed to stress wouldn't wound one.)
   
   - Silmarwen is very good at observing plants. She was trained in the ways of a healer and has the ability to tell all sorts of healing or poisonous plants apart.
         
Weaknesses:
   - Silmarwen hates to be near fire unless she absolutely needs to be. She sees it as a natural destroyer and even the smell of smoke will disgust her. The only time she will use fire is when it is needed for a certain remedy.
(space)
   -She also hates small closed in spaces. If in one,<-(comma) claustrophobia takes hold and she looses all senses. She would rather be in wide open fields and forests more than any building or closed-in area. Still, if she needs to,<-(comma) she will go into buildings for meetings or important gatherings and such.
   
   -She is not a good public speaker, which hinders her from speaking her mind when she has a good point. It is surprising to many after reading some of her poetry.
     

I'm sorry. That's all I have time for at the moment. But I will be sure to give your History section a quick run through later- mainly focusing on grammar, phrasing, and spelling. I hope I was helpful and that you have a speedy approval process! ^_^

:heart: ~ Nox ~ :heart:


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 28, 2008, 09:02:43 AM
Ok, thank you and I appreciate the help even if your not a moderator. It still works in the end. :)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Twén Aråerwén on May 28, 2008, 09:21:24 AM
Silmarwen, animated avatars and signatures are not permitted on the boards. This is more of a courtesy issue for others with slow computers or low speed internet connections. Thanks for understanding!
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 28, 2008, 09:33:02 AM
Sorry. :)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Nox Echiiscuan on May 28, 2008, 11:26:32 AM
Okay! I'm going to comment on the rest of your CD now. It wasn't until now that I realized that it wasn't just your History section that I didn't look over. So I made sure that I went over those sections as well. Again, I'll be mainly focusing on grammar, phrasing, and spelling.

All comments, suggestions, and corrections will be made ravishing in red.




History: Silmarwen's grandfather came from a tribe of humans, but not one hostile to elves.<-(Which tribe of humans?) Her mother, Iman, was his daughter but and Iman’s mother was an elf of the Arthyron tribe. Silmarwen's mother was raised in the tribe and married the elf Gweyn, the Arthyron elf. Silmarwen was accepted in the tribe, but the unease of her mixed heritage passed down from her parents set her aside from most elves.
   
   They raised Silmarwen together and let her join them in the trading business until she was old enough to earn her own title. Her mother taught her to play the lyre when she was young,<-(comma) while her father taught her how to use the set of knives he gave her. She became friends with many of the elderly in the village, including the weaver Alatariel,<-(comma) who gave her her vest. She loved to listen and read poetry and other writers'<-(apostrophe) works,<-(comma) dreaming of becoming as accomplished as they were. She also loved growing things and would plant flowers in her garden, spending much time caring for them.
   
   She never knew her grandparents,<-(comma) so she has no clue of her mixed ethnicity. All went well until Gweyn died while on a trading ship that sunk in a storm when Silmarwen was 19. After this, Silmarwen’s quiet nature came out more and she became more distant than before. Her mother stayed with her after that, only long enough to tell her about her mixed ethnic background. After that,<-(comma) she gave her a pendant, which had been passed down to her from her grandfather, and the cloak, which had belonged to her grandmother. Silmarwen took them and left the next day,<-(comma) carrying only her few belongings.
   
   At first the journeying was hard for her, and she spent much time alone. She slept under the stars and trees for many nights and became used to living in the forest. She became accustomed to the animals and found birds exceedingly interesting. She was very familiar with the forest and it's ways after studying it for about a year.
   
   While traveling through the forest she came across an old hut. Inside lived an old healer woman, not elven but human who went by the name Andúnë Táralóm. She became good friends with Andúnë,<-(comma) who taught Silmarwen the ways of a healer. She passed away when Silmarwen was 27, leaving a record of healing and useful plants, and her Zeiphyrian Hunting Hound, Fley. Silmarwen continued to study and now has knowledge of that of a healer,<-(comma) though she is more known for her poetry.

Weapons: Silmarwen has a pouch with small throwing knives, only to be used in self defense if she needs them.

Belongings: She carries a lyre with her to play on occasion. It is not very big,<-(comma) but is carved of well seasoned cream colored wood with beautiful images of flowering vines set in it. She also owns a pendent passed down in her family as a talisman which she never takes off. It is a large blue tinted stone with a green jewel in the center. While having no specific magical powers,<-(comma) it is more of a good luck charm to Silmarwen,<-(comma) and to remind her of her family. She has a book of bound parchment, also, which she always carries with her to write in. She also keeps a the record of plants and herbs left by Andúnë.

Familiars: When she first settled into her home,<-(comma) she found a young Zeiphyrian hunting hound trained by Andúnë there. It was friendly and seemed to have no problems with being around Silmarwen, and it soon became attached to her, and she to it. Its name was Fley and,<-(comma) when Andúnë died,<-(comma) she was left with her. Fley hunts for her own food,<-(comma) but Silmarwen never touched the meat, due to her vegetarian principles.


And there you have it. I think I got everything. ^_^  There are some spots where things are worded awkwardly. My advice would be to read through the CD and maybe reword a few things. Anyway! Hope that I've been helpful and that you have a speedy approval process.

:heart: ~ Nox ~ :heart:


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on May 29, 2008, 09:33:59 AM
Thanks, I fixed it up now. The help is much appreciated!


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on May 29, 2008, 09:17:45 PM
Name: Silmarwen Elanessë

Gender: Female

Age: 35

Race: She is 3/4 Elven and 1/4 Human.

Tribe: Silmarwen is Arthyron and Centoraurian.

Occupation: Healer/Poet

Title: Poet of the Áv'jeín

Overview: Silmarwen is a lover of arts and music, and has a passion for her instrument, the lyre. Her love for nature and writing makes her perfect for her title, Poet. She also can define plants very well, which gives her great opportunities to study in the ways of healing. Liking to avoid violence or fighting, she stays out of everyones way most of the time.

Appearance: Silmarwen is slightly under two peds in height. She is slim and has the average weight for an Arthyron. She has light brown hair, but in the sun looks more like the Arthyron blond. It is usually held back with a ribbon or hidden in the hood of her cape so people usually don’t see it's long length. She has misty gray, emotional eyes that strike people the most out of all her traits. She has a slender, yet firm build, and her feet are smaller than most elves. However, she is still mostly Arthyron and has most of their traits.

Clothing: She wears a garb not of the usual water resistant material, since she is usually not around water. She does wear a long hooded cape around her, which is a very dark shade of blue. She wears breeches like most other Athyrons, which are the color of her cape; with a long sleeved shirt, which is a lighter blue; under a vest also of the darker shade. She has a long strip of silky cloth, the color of her shirt, that she wears to keep her hair out of her eyes. Her shoes are a thick cloth bound around her ankles with tight lacings.

Personality: Silmarwen is quiet, unless it's necessary to converse for business. She is confident of herself despite this, which shows sure signs of a successful life ahead of her. Growing up to realize she was different from the rest, Silmarwen didn't learn why until she was 14 years old.  But wouldn’t she notice that her mother was really quite different from the rest of the tribe?  She never felt she belonged anywhere, so she started to spend more time out in the woods. However, she is still content with her life. She loves all nature and finds it more comfortable away from people and with animals and trees. She finds peace there and is rarely seen. Anything green and growing seems to give her life. Dawn and twilight are her favorite times of the days, and she becomes more alive then, unlike her usual far away air. She hates the thought of killing any living creature and doesn't eat meat. It repulses her, especially since she is so close to many animals.
   When she was young she first encountered fire, which burned up a section of the forest.  Surely she has always encountered fire used for cooking and warmth. From then on she hated and feared the natural consumer. As a girl she never liked being in over crowded areas or rooms and when in one, she breaks into nervous sweats and all her senses freeze up. She hates seeing caged animals and loves the freedom of all creatures in the woods. She doesn't feel any hostility towards any races, and especially likes Humans. Dark elves she is suspicious of, however. She has few friends, but she doesn't mind. She is happier living a solitary life. Still, she is civil to others and loves to hear stories of distant lands and such.

Strengths:
   -Silmarwen has very strong mental strengths. She is a fast thinker and could easily settle fights if she had the courage to speak up.  Do you mean she is persuasive as well as quick-thinking?
   
   -Her physical strengths are not as great, but are still helpful. She can climb well and has no fear of heights. She could climb higher than almost anyone, and can reach the thinner top branches. It allows her with a good choice of hiding if she has to.
   
   - She has good aim, and can throw knives and easily hit targets.  Moving targets and far away targets too?  This would help if any danger attacked, but she only uses them as a defense mechanism. One time a wolf threatened travelers in the forest and she was able to frighten it away by hitting targets close by it.  But would she actually kill if she was forced to?  If that wolf wouldn’t back off?
   
   - Silmarwen is very good at observing plants. She was trained in the ways of a healer and has the ability to tell all sorts of healing or poisonous plants apart.
         
Weaknesses:
   - Silmarwen hates to be near fire unless she absolutely needs to be. She sees it as a natural destroyer and even the smell of smoke will disgust her. The only time she will use fire is when it is needed for a certain remedy.  This is going to prevent you from going into most buildings, from camping on the move, from cooking food, from keeping warm…not that it’s not a good weakness, but it’s going to limit you a lot!  

   -She also hates small closed in spaces. If in one, claustrophobia takes hold and she looses all senses. She would rather be in wide open fields and forests more than any building or closed-in area. Still, if she needs to, she will go into buildings for meetings or important gatherings and such.  But not if they have a fire?
   
   -She is not a good public speaker, which hinders her from speaking her mind when she has a good point. It is surprising to many after reading some of her poetry.
     
History: Silmarwen's grandfather came from a tribe of humans, but not one hostile to elves; the Centoraurian’s. This will need more explanation.  Elf-Human marriages should be rare, because of the difference in culture, ways of thinking, education, language, life-span!  Imagine marrying someone who you know is only going to live at most a tenth of your own life.  Who isn’t used to living like you do and has to move away from their own family (really rare for a start).  How did they even meet? Her mother, Iman, was his daughter and Iman’s mother was an elf of the Arthyron tribe. Silmarwen's mother was raised in the tribe and married the elf Gweyn, the Arthyron elf. Silmarwen was accepted in the tribe, but the unease of her mixed heritage passed down from her parents set her aside from most elves.
   
   They raised Silmarwen together and let her join them in the trading business until she was old enough to earn her own title. Her mother taught her to play the lyre when she was young, while her father taught her how to use the set of knives he gave her. She became friends with many of the elderly in the village, including the weaver Alatariel, who gave her her vest. She loved to listen and read poetry and other writers’ works, dreaming of becoming as they were. She also loved growing things and would plant flowers in her garden, spending much time caring for them.
   
   She never knew her grandparents, so she has no clue of her mixed ethnicity.  What about the fact that her mother looks and acts quite different from everyone else? All went well until Gweyn died while on a trading ship that sunk in a storm when Silmarwen was 19. After this, Silmarwen’s quiet nature came out more and she became more distant than before. Her mother stayed with her after that, only long enough to tell her about her mixed ethnic background. After that, she gave her a pendant, which had been passed down to her from her grandfather, and the cloak, which had belonged to her grandmother. Silmarwen took them and left the next day, carrying only her few belongings.
   
   At first the journeying was hard for her, and she spent much time alone. She slept under the stars and trees for many nights and became used to living in the forest. She became accustomed to the animals and found birds exceedingly interesting. I’m not sure that sentence makes sense.  She was very familiar with the forest and it's ways after studying it for about a year.
   
   While traveling through the forest she came across an old hut. Inside lived an old healer woman, not elven but human who went by the Andúnë Táralóm. She became good friends with Andúnë, who taught Silmarwen the ways of a healer. Why? She passed away when Silmarwen was 27, leaving a record of healing and useful plants, and her Zeiphyrian Hunting Hound, Fley.  Why is an educated healer, with enough money to a) learn to read/write b) buy a Zeiphyrian Hunting Hound, living in a random hut in the woods :P.Silmarwen continued to study and now has knowledge that of a healer, though she is more known for her poetry.

Weapons: Silmarwen has a pouch with small throwing knives, only to be used in self defense if she needs them.

Belongings: She carries a lyre with her to play on occasion. This is a strength too. It is not very big but carved of well seasoned cream colored wood with beautiful images of flowering vines set in it. She also owns a pendent passed down in her family as a talisman which she never takes off. It is a large blue tinted stone with a green jewel in the center. While having no specific magical powers, it is more of a good luck charm to Silmarwen, and to remind her of her family. She has a book of bound parchment, also, which she always carries with her to write in. She also keeps the record of plants and herbs left by Andúnë.

Familiars: When she first settled into her home, she found a young Zeiphyrian hunting hound trained by Andúnë there. It was friendly and seemed to have no problems with being around Silmarwen, and it soon became attached to her, and she to it. Its name was Fley, and when Andúnë died, she was left with her. Fley hunts for her own food, but Silmarwen never touched the meat, due to her vegetarian principles. The term “vegetarian” seems a little modern – could you change it to a description?

Ok, a few things which don't quite fit yet, and not all of them will be that easy to fix.  But you've got some great ideas and details here so 'll leave it up to your imagination!  If you need any help or pointers then please ask away :)

Good luck Miss Elanesse!


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on June 07, 2008, 02:23:27 PM
Ok, I know it's been awhile but I tried to fix the issues. Open to more comments, and thanks for all the help!


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on June 09, 2008, 01:55:45 AM
Could you mark your changes in colour?  It makes it so much easier for us mod types :)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on June 10, 2008, 06:28:34 AM
Got it! :)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Azhira Styralias on June 11, 2008, 01:01:28 AM
Hi again, Silmarwen!  :grin:

I think you are almost there! I see no glaring issues with your CD other than you seem a bit unbalanced. You possess weapon skills, healing/herb lore, musician and are pretty smart. Your weaknesses do not balance those out quite right.

So I'd say perhaps another significant weakness is needed (although not necessarily a scar/old wound/sickness...that would seem tacked on and not fit right...but it's your choice.)

Perhaps have a look at some of the other approved CDs and gather some inspiration from those on potential weaknesses. It takes some creativity to think of some good ones, so don't be afraid to see what other CDs have to offer.  ;)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on June 11, 2008, 02:07:42 AM
Ok! Thanks for the advice! I kinda noticed that too and checking out other CD's would help. Thanks! :)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Santhos Avathcin on June 13, 2008, 10:35:36 AM
I am Santhos Avathcin my changes will be in (paranthesis)
sorry I can't do color.

While traveling through the forest she came across an old hut. Inside lived an old healer woman, not Elven but human who went by the (name of) Andúnë Táralóm. She became good friends with Andúnë, who taught Silmarwen the ways of a healer. However, the mystery of how the old healer came to be there remained until sickness overcame Andúnë.
   
   She had lived in a village, not far from Silmarwen’s, where her father worked as a historian. Of course he thought education was important and he taught Andúnë himself, how to read and write. Her mother had been a town healer and passed on her knowledge to her daughter, who had a keen eye for plants. They were a fairly wealthy family and bought a dog to add to the small family. Their lives went on in peace until Andúnë had become 20. Her mother became ill and died a slow death leaving her father in a state of shock. (If she died slowly shouldn't her father have expected it?) With no one to comfort her she made what she could of her life and took up the post as a healer, like her mother. Andúnë stayed to care for her father until he passed away years later.

   Andúnë, then, almost in a state of depression, left her home for the forest with their dog and lived as a hermit until her senses returned. She made use of her life by resuming the healer identity and made a record of forest plants and remedies. Her only companion was her families dog and when it died she was lonely enough to buy another one with money she had earned from selling herbs and remedies. It was young and only months after buying it Silmarwen appeared.

   Andúnë passed away when Silmarwen was 27, leaving a record of healing and useful plants, and her Zeiphyrian Hunting Hound, Fley. Silmarwen continued to study and now has knowledge that of a healer,(could you rephrase this please I know what your saying but rewrite please) though she is more known for her poetry.




(for her weaknesses I would suggest adding that she is shy around people for she does seem to be just that, that could also go on personality) (Over all very well done.)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on June 16, 2008, 04:13:21 AM
Ok, I added to my personality, and weaknesses, and familiers and made it look spiffy so check it out. :D Thanx for all the help everyone!


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Twén Aråerwén on June 16, 2008, 10:11:08 AM
Hello Silmarwen and welcome to Santharia! You have a wonderful CD here and are getting very close to finished IMHO. My comments shall be in the ever-ugly color: Orange

Strengths
   - Silmarwen has very strong mental strengths. She is a fast thinker and could easily settle fights if she had the courage to speak up. She can be surprisingly persuasive when she has means to be, and is a very serious conversationalist.
   
   - Her physical strengths are not as great, but are still helpful. She can climb well and has no fear of heights. She could climb higher than almost anyone, and can reach the thinner top branches. It allows her with a good choice of hiding if she has to.
   
   - She has good aim, and can throw knives and easily hit targets, of any kind. This would help if any danger attacked, but she only uses them as a defense mechanism. One time a wolf threatened travelers in the forest and she tried to frighten it away by hitting targets close by it. She would have killed it if it had threatened any more, but she was thankful when it ran away. This strength is nicely written but it does raise a couple questions for me. First, how far away is she accurate with these? Some of the best knife throwers I know of on Santharia are accurate to about 20-25 peds and these are lifelong performers with them. Some measure of just 'how' good she is would help weigh this strength a bit more accurately.
   
   - Silmarwen is very good at observing plants. She was trained in the ways of a healer and has the ability to tell all sorts of healing or poisonous plants apart. This understanding of plants should be somewhat limited to the places she knows. Even an ancient elf would be hard pressed to know plants in the middle of a temperate jungle, don't you think?
         
   - She learned to play the lyre when she was young and, when she has spare time, she will take it out and play it. It also helped the animals in the forest to be less afraid of her, because of it's soothing and beautiful sound. Nicely written!

Weaknesses
   - Silmarwen has a natural dislike towards fire and doesn't use it unless she needs to. She sees it as a natural destroyer and even the smell of smoke will disgust her. She uses it more frequently during winter where warmth is needed and there is little chance of anything catching fire. She only willingly uses it when it is needed for a certain remedy, or for warmth. Small fires don't physically bother her but great quantaties<--quantities of it will almost paralyze her with fear. This developed when she watched as it destroyed part of the forest when she was a child.

   - She also hates small closed in spaces. If in one, claustrophobia<- this is a modern term and should be avoided. takes hold and she looses all senses. She would rather be in wide open fields and forests more than any building or closed-in area. Still, if she needs to, she will go into buildings for meetings or important gatherings and such, as long as it's not in cramped conditions.
   
   - She is not a good public speaker, which hinders her from speaking her mind when she has a good point. It is surprising to many after reading some of her poetry. She is very shy when around people, but her acquaintance is much appreciated by the few who have gotten to know her.

   - Silmarwen cannot abide loud noises. They make her skittish and frightened, and if she's in an unfamiliar place she's bound to panic and get lost. She stays away from big crowds and would much rather be in her quiet and peaceful forest dwelling.
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on June 17, 2008, 08:23:29 AM
Thank you! It's fixed up, from what you told me. Thank you!


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Azhira Styralias on June 19, 2008, 09:48:32 PM
Wow Silmarwen, you've had alot of good comments from the mods! I think the CD is in good shape. Seems balanced to me and you've integrated the comments made. Let me go poke a mod to get you that approval, aye?  ;)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on June 20, 2008, 02:07:19 AM
Thank YOU! It's much appreciated!


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Twén Aråerwén on June 22, 2008, 11:45:48 AM
~First approval~


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on June 22, 2008, 12:16:44 PM
OH!  :shocked: Thank you Twen! So much! :)


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Simonne Miller on June 23, 2008, 04:58:29 PM
Here's your second approval ^.^


Title: Re: Silmarwen Elanessë - Arthyron - Poet
Post by: Twén Aråerwén on June 23, 2008, 11:05:48 PM
~Titled and Archived~