Adventures of Caelereth

Archives => Approved Characters 2008 => Topic started by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on June 19, 2008, 02:51:33 AM



Title: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Rogue or Wanderer
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on June 19, 2008, 02:51:33 AM
Name
Ancianá Silarná'yráná (means "Silence Moon-Rose" in Styrásh)

Gender
Female

Age
About 367 in elven years (but who's counting?); looks to be about 32 human years

Race
Jhehellrhim ("Rebel Elves")

Occupation
Finds whatever work she can; often does odd jobs, but more often acts as a rogue.

Title
Pensive drifter

(http://koti.welho.com/vmarttil/amber/images/AmberIWD.jpg)

Appearance
Height- 1 ped, 1 fore, 2 palmspans

Weight- About 1 pygge, 1 hafeb, and 4 ods.

Hair color- Rich red-brown

Eye color- Dark, shadowy green

Physical appearance- Ancianá's skin, like most of her tribe, is reddish-brown, as well as other features of her body, has a goldish undertone and, despite her diminishing youth, has yet to become wrinkled with age. Ancianá has a stocky, sturdily-set physique, with muscle aplenty (though she conserves her strength for when she truly needs it.) Her bust is modest, which is advantageous in battle. In most things her body is a typical Jhehellrhim physique. There is one thing, however, that sets her apart from others: her left eye, gouged out after being ruined. The nasty hole is hidden by a brown patch.

Strands of red-brown hair, more red than brown and with an undertone of gold, frame an oval face. The rest of the hair, a little longer than shoulder length, is pulled back into a neat, rather short braid and tied with a leather cord at the end. Beneath an average forehead gleams a narrow eye, the same hue of green as a shadowy forest. The left eye (or lack of one) is hidden by a brown eye patch. The pupil, while black as is normal, is rimmed with traces of dark gold. As her temper starts to fray, the elf maiden's wide nostrils flare below a broad, gently sloping nose. The corners of the mouth below it, a darker shade of red-brown, turn down, frowning in thought. Soon, though, her mood is more lighthearted- she is grooming her horse, Avásh. Her fingers, sure, quick, and precise, extend from her small hands. Her nails, which seem light brown because of the skin underneath them, are uncut and slightly ragged. Despite this mildly unappealing characteristic, the elf maiden is generally pleasant to behold.

Clothing
Like her Jhehellrhim tribe, Ancianá dresses in forest green and brown- colors suited to blend in with the forest. She often wears cloth armor. Ancianá gets what quality she can with the meager pay she collects. She owns but one piece of jewelry, if you can call it that: a leather belt studded with jade. It's a rare occasion that she wears it, but it's said that when she does, she looks like the daughter of Avá.

Personality
Ancianá is a person who is usually quiet and pensive, (and sometimes a bit shy as well) reflecting on everything. In conversations she often listens more than speaks, but given the chance she will warm up to people. Ancianá is not very imaginative and has a mild tendency for impatience. She has a rather nervous habit of fingering the hilt of her dagger with her free hand. Ancianá is not a very religious person- it's very rare that she prays to a god. It is a very special person that she will permit herself to be friends with. Ancianá is most happy when alone with a steaming mug of cider or with her horse Avásh. When in a good mood she often shows her dry humor and involves herself in friendly conversations.

Strengths
Dagger - Ancianá cannot throw her dagger. Despite her short training, she has developed a few tricks up her sleeve and is a relatively formidable opponent in hand-to-hand combat.

Scimitar- The scimitar is Ancianá's weapon of choice and is the one she is most dangerous with; she has been a wielder of this blade since the tender age of ten.

Swiftness- Ancianá possesses speed and litheness that belies her stocky stance, often catching others off-guard. This can also help her when climbing, or especially when dueling.

Steed- When riding her horse Avásh, Ancianá is fast, very fast. She often rides him when hunting large game.

Weaknesses/Flaws
Spirits- Ancianá cannot stop downing pretty much any alcoholic beverage after a couple of drinks. This, of course, is a very bad weakness for a rogue to have, as it loosens her tongue and makes her mind and memories fuzzy, in addition to a bad... em... let's say a bad experience when she wakes up. As a result, she tries to stick to cider, but that doesn't really improve her "tough" image with some people. Enough said.

No left eye- The loss of her left eye does not permit Ancianá to see on her left side, which obviously will account for scars on the left side of her body. As a result Ancianá does not like it when anyone -be it friend or foe- comes up on her left side, and is very protective of it, as she views it as her weaker side. Because of this weakness Ancianá has trouble distinguishing depth, which has helped to break her share of delicate things, to say the least.

Quietness- Ancianá is slow to speak, especially with people she doesn't know well. She does not often stand up for herself or other people, which sometimes makes her seem cowardly or disloyal.

History
Ancianá lived in the Istarin forest, until the community she lived in was destroying in a forest fire during her late youth. It had spread from roughly the center of the forest to the western, where the small settlement she lived in existed. Ancianá's parents and three brothers attempted to put out the fire with the other grown elves, while she and her sister were told to flee the forest. In the confusion they were separated. As her sense was as twisted and as befuddled as she was, nightfall found Ancianá somewhere at the northwest edge of the Istarin forest. After a long fit of well-deserved crying, Ancianá (who was terrified, confused, exhausted, and dazed, among a blend of emotions) subsided into sleep. After a short period of shock and grief, (about a week, to say the least) she came to her senses. After foraging for food and getting a bearing on her position in the forest, she found her way to the blackened settlement.

Upon reaching the place, Ancianá discovered most of the buildings in cinders. She found no other former inhabitants- if there were any survivors, they had moved on by then. Ancianá salvaged what she could from her the wreckage of her home- which was very little, namely her eldest brother's scimitar, which he had left for her in a hideaway they had both shared, away from the village. She then embarked on a search for her family, first looking in the other areas of the Istarin forest. Having no success, she moved on- though not without some tears.

Up until the forest fire, Ancianá pretty much lived a normal Jhehellrhim elf life. (She was taught by her father to use the bow and to hunt, although sadly she had to give it up after the loss of her eye; it would be hard to hunt with a bow because of the new difficulty of depth perception. Upon reaching the age of ten, her eldest and favorite brother took it upon himself to teach her the wielding of the scimitar, which became her preferred weapon.) Her personality, however, changed a bit after the fire. A quiet girl already, the death of her family and community gave her a slightly darker, sadder outlook on things, as well as a dry sense of humor where a louder one had existed.

After her home and family were destroyed, rather than remain in the ruins of the settlement, like so many other waifs Ancianá decided to strike out and make a living outside of the Istarin forest, taking her brother's scimitar. Thus she came upon the town of Cavthan, partly in the scant hopes that her family might have traveled there. Soon after her arrival a group of cruel and drunken men, seeking fun, decided to pursue Ancianá. Young, naive, confused, and terrified, Ancianá attempted to flee. Abruptly the men's moods changed to anger, a result of their intoxication, and they began stoning her. One stone hit her eye, thereupon ruining its function (Ancianá later fashioned a brown patch of sorts to hide it), whereupon she took to alleyways until she was out of Cavthan, then traveling to an undamaged part of the Istarin forest to recover in peace.

After this Ancianá thought it beneficial to learn to use another weapon- another blade, to be specific. In her travels she was able to purchase an ordinary dagger with the money she was paid for hunting. She also paid the seller to teach her rudimentary close-range fighting with her dagger. Gradually she progressed to equal the ability of her "teacher" (whereupon she, naturally, stopped having him teach her), then moving on in her wandering.

In another town Ancianá was forced to take shelter in a stable that night, having no money to pay for lodging in a tavern or inn. Sometime during the evening a young, brash woman entered the humble establishment with her stubborn horse, (who was, obviously to Ancianá, resisting because his mistress treated him so cruelly) thrashing him with a branch. He was a beautiful stallion- a base of light grey, sprinkled with a dose of darker grey on his withers and upper back, more heavily spotted in the hindquarters and back legs. Observing this cruel scene from her hiding place in the loft, Ancianá (who was instilled with a love of animals from her life in the forest) could not quell the indignant feeling that rose up inside her. Finally the woman left and Ancianá (who, again, had a painfully noticeable lack of money) felt the need to steal the horse. That she did, that night, and promptly took flight from the town with her stolen boon.

Ancianá drifts between towns, cities, nations, and seeking work, but never returning to the town where she lost her eye and the forest where she lost her former life. As she's had no success in her search for her family, she has lost all but a sliver of hope and despite herself keeps an eager eye out for them- that part of her will never stop hoping, and although she won't admit it to herself, has made it a sort of small quest to find them.

Weapons
-Dagger
-Scimitar

Note: Ancianá always keeps her weapons within easy reach, blades in a belt and scabbards at her hips.

Belongings
-Clothes
     >Three green-hued belted, hip-length tunics of varying sleeve-length
     >One pair of brown leggings/breeches
     >One pair of leather boots
     >Two pairs of linen underwear (washed as often as possible)
-Leather belt studded with jade
-Flasks (two)
-Rope
-Knapsack
-Leather armor (which she mostly keeps in a cloth bag)

Familiar
Avásh (name means "wind, air" in Styrásh)
Avásh is Ancianá's steed, half Rusik and half Centoraurian. He is a male dappled grey- a base of light grey with dark grey blotched over it, mostly heavily dappled on his hindquarters and back legs, more lightly on his front legs- like a light drizzle. Also on his hindquarters are scars- marks from a past owner who beat him.

Avásh can be willful at times, but in general he is an amiable animal, willing to do whatever Ancianá asks. He is the one that his mistress trusts the most; they share a very close relationship. He loves her because she saved him from a cruel mistress. Because Ancianá has no one else to care for, she spoils Avásh when she can afford to, for he is her family now.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on June 20, 2008, 03:30:37 AM
Hi, Ancianá! I actually don't really have any authority here, since I am still not even an approved character but I can help a bit! I love the layout and the beginning you have here and after time it could be, overall, a great CD. Now, I won't go into much detail, but I do know that you should make the history longer (out of experience). :) Embellish, work out reasons for her weaknesses and strengths and explain how they came to be, by using her history perhaps. Tell what sort of quests she has and why she doesn't trust easily, stuff like that! :) You have a good base though and if you add details it'll be awesome!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on June 20, 2008, 03:45:09 AM
Yeah...  I'm not done with the whole CD yet so that's why the history isn't longer.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Simonne Miller on June 20, 2008, 03:54:00 AM
Hey Anciana, I'd just like to point out, before you say too much about the Third Sarvonian War, the following thing:

This war happened between 298-203 b.S. while we are now 1668 a.S., so the war ended 1871 years ago. Since you say that Anciana is 381, I'm afraid she can't have experienced it at all. In fact, Sarvonia hasn't known any wars for a few centuries (unbelievable though that is... it's not something we decided over here on the RPG board ;))

With regard,
Simonne


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on June 20, 2008, 04:18:21 AM
hm... you're right... I couldn't find  what years it was. Would it be fair to say that she was into a skirmish between  orcs and her tribe? Or something like that? Because I  would like her family to die... (Though that sounds weird.  :shocked: :cry: But you know what I mean.)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Mannix on June 20, 2008, 12:37:14 PM
Just two quick comments.
1. You need to expand your magic section.  It must demonstrate your knowledge of them magic system.  Just so you know, magic usually slows down approval.  The magic system is complicated.  You can keep the magic section, but remember to expand it.  Also, if you keep the magic you need to say how you learnt it.  Most people go to Ximax, bu their are other ways.  Check out this (http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php/topic,4477.0.html).

2. Your familiar section could also be expanded.  Tell us a bit about you animal.  I'm not quite sure what animal you have picked but tell us it's breed, colour, appearance, and maybe even temperament

Good work so far!

Mannix


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Eiba on June 21, 2008, 01:02:04 PM
Just a note on your age - I haven't checked up on the official Santharia page, but the word on the street is that elves don't show age like humans do, right up to their dying day.

"Ancianá has a stocky, sturdily-set physique, with muscle aplenty (though she conserves her strength for when she truly needs it. Her bust is modest, which is advantageous in battle. In most things her body is"

You've opened a paren without closing it - did you even want it open? Maybe just a comma, or something?

About the belt, you leave a lot of doubt as to whether or not it's magical. Personally, I think it should be explicitly stated, unless it is going to be completely irrelevant.

"who will, as the manner of her profession, will always look at what can benefit her"

You've used "will" twice in the same sentence. While it might not exactly be wrong, the thought flow feels broken, and the sentence redundant and clumsy.

"strong logicality and reasoning- "
That sounds like you tried to invent a word. I think "Strong Logic" would be sufficient, and fits what you describe immediately after well.

That's all my immediate suggestions. As for your character, you're obviously trying to be a hero-type, slightly ahead of the crowd. This puts a lot of strain on the CD Mods as they try to draw you back down into the crowd; to be a level, moderate and plausible person. One thing I've found is that in situations like Santharia, you're getting just as far ahead, if not further, making a character who's just trying to be themselves, just to survive rather than having some all-holy power/worldsaving mission. We're not D&D, or any other wargame-based RPG that might come to mind.

Complaints aside, your character is probably a bit on the standard fare side of what people who are new to Santh(Me, too) would like to create. The real artwork, and fun, will come from your unique ability to play this character. Confessing, my character was based off a D&D character, but taken down to a commoner-type level, instead of a heroine. Once you're there, you realize how much fun it can be to make somebody that's not something amazing, and how amazing it can be to be on of a million, as opposed to one in a million.

I'm rambling, and anybody out of the IRC that I've ever talked to will tell you I do this more than just sometimes. So in closing: Work on cleaning up sentences by re-reading and spell-check, and don't try to be something amazing, just fully become your character.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on June 22, 2008, 08:04:05 AM
OK, I changed a lot... You were right; when I  looked over it again  some things did seem really unrealistic. Hope it's better now.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Eiba on June 22, 2008, 05:08:11 PM
Now I would strongly suggest, whenever you make edits in your CD, particularly if you alter something that's there or add text, that you change its color. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just something readable that catches our attention. This makes the whole process that much quicker.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on June 23, 2008, 11:45:39 AM
Welcome to Santharia, Ancianá. Here's a check in Blue!

Before I start, here is a quote from the CD Etiquette thread regarding section headings~
Quote
4) Thou shalt not post in a CD (including the writer) with the use of all CAPS, even in headings for various sections.
You could color or bold section headings as an alternative to CAPITALIZATION.

NAME
Ancianá Silarná'yráná (means "Silence Moon-Rose" in Styrásh-Tharian)

GENDER
female<--Female

AGE
381 in elven years; looks to be about 32 human years

RACE
Jhehellrhim ("Rebel Elves")

OCCUPATION
finds<--Finds whatever work she can; often hunts

TITLE
rogue<--Rogue

Just a note~ People often add a descriptive adjective before the noun in their title to make it a bit more pleasant on the ears, perhaps you would like to do the same. I think 'Reclusive Rogue' would sound delightful, for you, since you hint at her not liking other's company.

OVERVIEW
The world is a grim, bleak place with scattered spots of happiness. Ancianá does not truly trust anyone, but given the chance she will warm up to people she meets.

APPEARANCE
(Height- About 1 fore and 3 palmspans

hair-<--Hair- Reddish brown, typical of Jhehellrhim elves. Hers, however, has a golden undertone that seems to make it glow when viewed in the sunlight. Unlike her fellow Jhehellrhims, Ancianá wears her hair short so it doesn't hamper her, but long enough to put in a simple braid, which is how she wears it most of the time.

(Eyes- Green with a goldish pupil For some reason, 'Goldish' pupils sound odd to me... Aren't they regularly black?

physical appearance- Ancianá's skin, like most of her tribe, is reddish-brown, as well as other features of her body, has a goldish undertone and, despite her diminishing youth, has yet to become wrinkled with age, although it has already become quite weathered. Ancianá has a stocky, sturdily-set physique, with muscle aplenty (though she conserves her strength for when she truly needs it.) Her bust is modest, which is advantageous in battle. In most things her body is a typical Jhehellrhim physique. There are two things, however, that set her apart from others: her right ear, pointed tip crudely severed, and her left eye, gouged out and replaced with a glass eye, for looks only, that is immobile. Ancianá obtained the chopped ear during a battle between her tribe and a band of orcs (see History).

CLOTHING
Like her Jhehellrhim tribe, Ancianá dresses in forest green and tan- colors suited to blend in with the forest. She often wears leather armor. Ancianá gets what quality she can with the meager pay she collects. She owns but one piece of jewelry, if you can call it that: a leather belt studded with jade. It's a rare occasion that she wears it, but it's said that when she does, she looks like the daughter of Avá.

PERSONALITY
Ancianá is a person who is usually quiet and pensive, reflecting on anything and everything. She will look for what benefits her in agreements when committing to something. Ancianá grows angry very quickly and usually has a little patience. She has a nervous habit of fingering the hilt of either of her blades with a free hand. It is a very special person that Ancianá will permit herself to be friends with. Ancianá is most happy when alone with a steaming mug of cider, sharpening her dirk, or with her horse Avásh. When in a good mood she often shows her dry humor and involves herself in friendly conversations.

With Personality being one of the most important sections, due to it effecting everything you do while RPing, it could probably be elaborated upon.

STRENGTHS
(Strong Logic- This trait has helped Ancianá numerous times, usually in tracking animals.

swiftness-<--Swiftness- Ancianá has speed and litheness that belies her stocky stance, often catching others off-guard.

climbing-<--Climbing- Ancianá has great climbing skills from her tribe days in the forest, which has helped her to get out of tight situations when her blade couldn't.

WEAKNESSES
mead-<--Mead- Ancianá cannot stop drinking mead after a couple of drinks. This, of course, is a very bad weakness for a rogue to have, as it loosens her tongue and makes her mind and memories fuzzy, in addition to a bad... em... let's say a bad experience when she wakes up. As a result, she tries to stick to cider, but that doesn't really improve her tough image with some people. Enough said.

literacy- Ancianá has only learned to read Styrásh-Tharian and Santharian runes and has no idea how to read human languages. This weakness has cost her some potential jobs.The peasant, who we are to compare our S&W's to, cannot read Styrash or Tharian, therefore, being unable to read Tharian is not a weakness, and being able to read and write Styrash, is a Strength.

(Glass Eye- Her glass eye (left) does not permit Ancianá to see on her left side, which (obviously) will account for previous wounds on the left side of her body. As a result Ancianá is immediately suspicious if anyone, be it friend or foe, that comes up to her on her left side.

I am not seeing balance in this character, as she is supposedly 'good' with the three weapons listed below, even though they are not in her strengths. Some personality quirks would really flesh out the weaknesses section, IMHO.

HISTORY
Ancianá lived in the Istarin forest(comma) until her family and home was destroyed during a skirmish between her tribe and orcs. During the battle(comma) she was captured by an orc who chopped off (the) tip of her right ear with his axe when she struggled. Due to the bravery of her father and brothers (who died later along with the rest of her family)(comma) she was freed, but the severed part of her ear never grew back.

Up until the battle, Ancianá pretty much lived a normal Jhehellrhim elf life. Her personality, however, changed after the life-changing incident; formerely warm, bubbly, and outgoing, she has become silent and grim.

After her home and family were destroyed, rather than remain with the other elves, like so many other waifs Ancianá decided to strike out and make a living outside of the Istarin forest, taking her father's bow, quiver, and arrows. Unfortunately for her, the first town she came upon (which was near the forest) had a prejudice against elves. She was able to hide away for a while, but was eventually discovered and cast out. In the following melee a human's arrow struck her eye as she fled.

Ancianá drifts between towns, cities, nations, seeking work, never belonging anywhere, and never able to go back to the two places that cause her unutterable pain: the town where her eye was wounded and the forest where she lost her former life.

There is no mention of obtaining a glass eye in her history, and the insertion of such would be a pretty major event, that would need some explaining for a medeival time period, IMHO. I imagine with their low level of technology, such an operation may be risky, and expensive if done by a professional. Based on her life, I think that a 'scam artist' or 'gypsy' might be able to make a cheap glass eye, and I think this could make for an interesting predicament.

WEAPONS
-dirk
-dagger (Zarathian)
-elven bow, quiver, and arrows

Could you capitalize the words 'dagger' 'dirk' and so on, just to make it look better? :)

Skill with the above three weapons should be listed in the Strength section.

note:<--Note: Ancianá always keeps all of her weapons in easy reach, blades in a belt and scabbards at her hips, bow over her shoulder, quiver slung over her back.

BELONGINGS
-leather belt studded with jade
-flask
-rope
-knapsack

I'd capitalize the first letters of everything in this list, just for appearance sake.

FAMILIAR
Avásh (name means "wind, air" in Styrásh-Tharian)
Avásh is Ancianá's steed, half Rusik and half Centoraurian. He is a male dappled grey- a base of light grey with dark grey blotched over it, mostly heavily dappled on his hindquarters and more lightly on his back and front legs- like a light drizzle.

Avásh can be willful at times, but in general he is an amiable animal, willing to do whatever Ancianá asks. He is the one that his mistress trusts the most; they share a very close relationship. Because Ancianá has no one else to care for, she spoils Avásh when she gets the chance. He is her family now.

I think certain sections could be elaborated on, with the addition of a few more weakness. In addition, I'd like an explanation of how she went about getting a 'Glass Eye' as it seems like a sort of oddity, especially considering the time period. I hope my comments help you towards an approval, and just keep working for it, even if it seems hard. :)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on June 24, 2008, 05:58:39 AM
OK, I think I've worked through all of that. Phew! :computer: I found it more true to the time to give Ancianá an eye patch than a scammed glass eye. Hopefully she doesn't sound or look like a pirate now... I even added in a small description of it so it didn't sound all stereotypical: "brown patch..." If you find that some other material is better by all means put it forward, as I find 'cotton'  just a little bit odd.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on June 30, 2008, 07:56:08 PM
Name
Ancianá Silarná'yráná (means "Silence Moon-Rose" in  Styrásh)

Gender
Female

Age
381 in elven years; looks to be about 32 human years

Race
Jhehellrhim ("Rebel Elves")

Occupation
Finds whatever work she can; often hunts.

Title
Rogue

Overview
The world is a shadowy place with scattered spots of happiness. Ancianá does not truly trust anyone, but given the chance she will slowly warm up to people she meets.

Appearance
Height- about 1 fore and 3 palmspans
Weight?

Physical appearance- Ancianá's skin, like most of her tribe, is reddish-brown, as well as other features of her body, has a goldish undertone and, despite her diminishing youth, has yet to become wrinkled with age. Ancianá has a stocky, sturdily-set physique, with muscle aplenty (though she conserves her strength for when she truly needs it.) Her bust is modest, which is advantageous in battle. In most things her body is a typical Jhehellrhim physique. There are two things, however, that set her apart from others: her right ear, pointed tip crudely severed, and her left eye, gouged out. The nasty hole is hidden by a brown patch. Ancianá obtained the chopped ear during a battle between her tribe and a band of orcs (see History).

Strands of red-brown hair, more red than brown and with an undertone of gold, frame a round face. The rest of the hair, a little longer than shoulder length, is pulled back into a neat braid and tied with a leather cord at the end. Beneath an average forehead gleams a narrow eye, the same hue of green as a shadowy forest. The left eye (or lack of one) is hidden by a brown eyepatch. The pupil, while black as is normal, is rimmed with traces of dark gold. As her temper frays, the elf maiden's wide nostrils flare below a broad, gently sloping nose. The corners of the mouth below it, a darker shade of red-brown, turn down, frowning in impatience. Soon, though, her mood is uplifted- she is grooming her horse, Avásh. Her fingers, sure, quick, precise, extend from her small hands. Her nails, which seem light brown because of the skin underneath them, are uncut and slightly ragged. Despite this characteristic, the elf maiden is generally pleasant to behold.

A really really good appearance section here, I like the way you describe her in different moods to get all the aspects of her movement into it.

Clothing
Like her Jhehellrhim tribe, Ancianá dresses in forest green and tan- colors suited to blend in with the forest. She often wears leather armor. Ancianá gets what quality she can with the meager pay she collects. She owns but one piece of jewelry, if you can call it that: a leather belt studded with jade. It's a rare occasion that she wears it, but it's said that when she does, she looks like the daughter of Avá.

Personality
Ancianá is a person who is usually quiet and pensive, (and sometimes a bit shy as well) reflecting on everything. She will look for what benefits her in agreements when committing to something. Ancianá grows angry very quickly and usually has little patience. She has a nervous habit of fingering the hilt of her dirk with her free hand. It is a very special person that Ancianá will permit herself to be friends with. Ancianá is most happy when alone with a steaming mug of cider, sharpening her dirk, or with her horse Avásh. When in a good mood she often shows her dry humor and involves herself in friendly conversations.

Strengths
Skill with weapons- Ancianá is excellent with both the dirk and the bow, but her specialty is the latter, partly as a result of her hunting. Each weapon skill is a separate strength, so can you split them and also give us some idea of how good she is with each one.

Swiftness- Ancianá possesses speed and litheness that belies her stocky stance, often catching others off-guard. Again, a little more detail would be great – how much faster than average is she?

Climbing- Ancianá has great climbing skills from her tribe days in the forest, which has helped her to get out of tight situations when her blade couldn't.

Weaknesses
Mead- Ancianá cannot stop drinking mead after a couple of drinks. This, of course, is a very bad weakness for a rogue to have, as it loosens her tongue and makes her mind and memories fuzzy, in addition to a bad... em... let's say a bad experience when she wakes up. As a result, she tries to stick to cider, but that doesn't really improve her tough image with some people. Enough said. Mead is actually a wine made from honey, which is less alcoholic than beer or cider.  It was brewed in the times when the water wasn’t safe to drink, and was drunk instead of the water…by men, women and children.  We have a list of Santharian Beverages here (http://www.santharia.com/food_and_drinks/drinks.htm) if you need a stronger Santharian tipple.

No left eye- The loss of her left eye does not permit Ancianá to see on her left  side, which obviously will account for scars on the left side of her body. As a result Ancianá does not like it when anyone -be it friend or foe- comes up on her left side, and is very protective of it, as she views it as her weaker side.

Little patience- Ancianá is quick to grow angry. Thus she is no good at long or complicated negotiations or the like.

History
Ancianá lived in the Istarin forest, until her family and home was destroyed during a skirmish between her tribe and orcs. During the battle, she was captured by an orc who cruelly chopped off the pointed tip of her right ear with his axe when she struggled. Due to the bravery of her father and brothers, (who died later along with the rest of her family) she was freed, but the severed part of her ear never grew back.

All the orcs live in Northern Sarvonia or on Nybelmar - hundreds of miles away.  Human bandits maybe? Or even humans attacking for some other reason – the tribe don’t seem very well liked from what I read in their entry.  And how did she survive the battle when none of her family did?

Up until the battle, Ancianá pretty much lived a normal Jhehellrhim elf life. Her personality, however, changed after the battle. A quiet girl already, the death of her family gave her a slightly darker, sadder outlook on things.

After her home and family were destroyed, rather than remain with the other elves, like so many other waifs Ancianá decided to strike out and make a living outside of the Istarin forest, taking her father's bow, quiver, and arrows. Unfortunately for her, the first town she came upon (which was near the forest) had a prejudice against elves.  Unfortunately there is no town just on the edge of the Istarin Wood.  How about changing it to a large village?  Also, why are these people prejudiced against elves?  All elves, or just your tribe?  She was able to hide away for a while, but was eventually discovered and cast out. In the following melee a human's arrow struck her left eye as she fled (she later fashioned a brown patch of sort to cover the eye).

Ancianá drifts between towns, cities, nations, and seeking work, but never returning to the town where she lost her eye and the forest where she lost her former life.

This section could do with some fleshing out.  I would like to know where she learnt to use her weapons for instance, and how she learnt to hunt.  Where did she get the horse?  Who taught her to ride it?

Weapons
-Dirk No “Dirk” in this world – just describe it instead of naming it
-Elven bow, quiver, and arrows

Note: Ancianá always keeps all of her weapons in easy reach, blades in a belt and scabbards at her hips, bow over her shoulder, quiver slung over her back.

BELONGINGS
-Leather belt studded with jade
-Flask
-Rope
-Knapsack
-Leather armor

Familiar
Avásh (name means "wind, air")
Avásh is Ancianá's steed, half Rusik and half Centoraurian. He is a male dappled grey- a base of light grey with dark grey blotched over it, mostly heavily dappled on his hindquarters and more lightly on his back and front legs- like a light drizzle.

Avásh can be willful at times, but in general he is an amiable animal, willing to do whatever Ancianá asks. He is the one that his mistress trusts the most; they share a very close relationship. Because Ancianá has no one else to care for, she spoils Avásh when she gets the chance. He is her family now.

And finally….welcome to Santharia!  I think there is only really one main thing holding you back from approval – your history.  Once you’ve fleshed that out, and done the other adjustments dotted over the CD, I think you’ll be pretty much there :).  I look forward to rping with you!

Rookie xxx


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 01, 2008, 06:44:49 AM
Thank you for your comments! Just a few responses and/or questions I have:

Ancianá's weakness with alcoholic beverages- do you have a drink that you can suggest? I did look on the beverages page, to no avail... I, naively, was under the impression that mead was more intoxicating... :grin:

A dirk, to my knowledge, is a bit longer than a dagger. Are you sure that they aren't in Santharia? Because if that is for sure the case I might as well just switch to a dagger.

You are completely right- my history is full of holes (let's just say I tend to find writing history, vital though it may be, a bit tedious). Maybe I need to do just a little more research... :grin: Thank you for pointing all those details out.

Do you think that Ancianá's weight is realistic? Being a newbie, I'm still pretty iffy on all measures.

Again, thank you so much! I really appreciate that you take the time to do this!







Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on July 01, 2008, 08:31:58 AM
Well, I was checking put your added history and I have a couple questions and comments (besides that I loved the new addition). 1. If she was hit in the eye with an ARROW she might have more damage done to her than that. Possibly brain damage. I would change it to a stone or something. 2. She would probably need help after a wound like that. 3. How did she end up escaping?

Other than that I loved it!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on July 01, 2008, 11:33:58 AM
I calculated Ancianá's BMI for you, just to see if it seems realistic. Your height converts to about 2 feet so I'm assuming that was a mistake, and you meant to say '1 ped and 3 fores, which can be shortened to simply '2 peds.' (You might want to correct that ;)) This would put you at a height of 6'6".

Anyways, if that is the correct interpretation here are your results~

Height~ 6'6"
Weight~ 109 lbs.
BMI~ 12.5%

Just so you know, anything below 18.5% for a BMI is considered 'unhealthy', so if you intended for her to be frail, that would be a good weight, but it would probably be listed as a weakness unless altered. If you want to make her 'healthy' while still being slender (which would make sense since you say she's 'muscular' with a 'healthy physique', that would be a weight of: 156 od.

Hope that wasn't too confusing, but I *always* calculate the BMI of my characters, because I also have problems with estimating appropriate weights and heights, but this system works well for me... ;)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on July 01, 2008, 02:52:51 PM
Ooo Eleyr, that's a good idea. I often have problems myself coming up with a reasonable weight. Never thought to check body mass.  Brilliant! ;)

For the drink - Dwarven Ale is often avaliable among humans, although probably not so much among elves.  That's stronger than average.  Or simply saying wine would work.  Scrumple is a spirit made from apples which is really powerful.

I have never seen the word "Dirk" used around here, so I'm just a bit iffy about using it.  I'm sure they have very similar weapons, I'm just not sure they would use that word.  If that makes sense.  A dirk is a scottish weapon, wider and larger than a dagger.  It was used in combination with small buckler shield, and held point-up in the hand, stabbing upwards.  (I did some research when I wanted to use something similar for one of my characters).


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on July 01, 2008, 10:55:16 PM
Well, it is mentioned briefly in the Swords of Caelereth entry, but the description seems different there from Rookie's little thingy:

Quote
A special type of dagger is known as the Dirk. It is longer and slimmer than the dagger, and often has a wavy blade. It is common to see necromancers and other practitioners of dark rituals using the Dirk as a sacrificial blade. The Dirk has an exceedingly sharp tip, but this makes it far less durable and poor at slashing. Dirks also rarely have hilts.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on July 01, 2008, 11:50:23 PM
You see, I would call that a Keris or Kris http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kris (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kris) :lol:

I guess, go with what you like, I don't really know enough about weapons to say anything :P.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 02, 2008, 01:28:18 AM
Ooooh. See, I learned of the dirk reading Brian Jacques's Redwall series when I was 11 and automatically assumed that it was the same here. Oops... :grin: That's what jumping to conclusions will do for you... Sorry! I'll just change it to dagger.

Rookie- Thanks for the spirits suggestion, Rookie! I'll probably just insert your apple liquor suggestion, if you don't mind... :)

Eleyr- About the phsyical calculations... I am completely, utterly, and hopelessly confused. (I never was good with numbers... Not that it's an excuse, but nevertheless...) I would much rather describe her or compare her to things than try to (inaccurately) figure it out in measures (any measures, for that matter). I would like her to be stocky, but not overweight... Short, but not dwarven... (Hem hem, you were right, 2 ft is definately not what I had in mind...) I have no definate numbers in my mind. I cry out to you all- help!

Silmarwen- Thank you for pointing the history details out! :worship: Don't know how I neglected that, you were right on the money! Hope it's better now... :grin:

Again, I thank you all and await your replies!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on July 02, 2008, 02:06:09 AM
Alright, without the terminology, here's the measures that should match the build you suggest.

Height~ 1 ped, 1 fore, 2 palmspans

Weight~ 108 ods

So that should be shorter than the average woman (yet taller than the average dward :lol:), muscular and stocky, but not considered overweight.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 02, 2008, 02:15:51 AM
Oh thank you, you brilliant person you! Eleyr, you're a lifesaver. You have saved me from any further embarrassment regarding those two sections. :thanks: ...So I'll just get off and stop jabbering and making a fool of myself. :rolleyes:


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf Roguess
Post by: Rookie Brownbark on July 07, 2008, 09:07:30 PM
Name
Ancianá Silarná'yráná (means "Silence Moon-Rose" in Styrásh-Tharian)

Gender
Female

Age
381 in elven years; looks to be about 32 human years

Race
Jhehellrhim ("Rebel Elves")

Occupation
Finds whatever work she can; often hunts.

Title
Rogue (personally I would try and think of another adjective to describe what type of Rogue she is.)

Overview
The world is a shadowy place with scattered spots of happiness. Ancianá does not truly trust anyone, but given the chance she will slowly warm up to people she meets.  (This could also do with another sentence or two – it is supposed to give anyone looking at your CD a very quick idea of who your character is.  I don’t think her personality is the only unusual thing about her ;))

Appearance
Height- 1 ped, 1 fore, 2 palmspans

Weight- 108 ods  (Could you change this to hebs, pygges and ods?)

(Left out a few sections as I had no comments there)
 
Strengths
Skill with weapons- Ancianá is excellent with both the dagger and the bow, but her specialty is the latter, partly as a result of her hunting.

Swiftness- Ancianá possesses speed and litheness that belies her stocky stance, often catching others off-guard.

Climbing- Ancianá has great climbing skills from her tribe days in the forest, which has helped her to get out of tight situations when her blade couldn't.

(Could you flesh these out as I suggested in my last comments – we usually ask for 2-3 good sentences on how they help her)

Weaknesses
Spirits- Ancianá cannot stop downing pretty much any alcoholic beverage after a couple of drinks. This, of course, is a very bad weakness for a rogue to have, as it loosens her tongue and makes her mind and memories fuzzy, in addition to a bad... em... let's say a bad experience when she wakes up. As a result, she tries to stick to cider, but that doesn't really improve her "tough" image with some people. Enough said.

No left eye- The loss of her left eye does not permit Ancianá to see on her left  side, which obviously will account for scars on the left side of her body. As a result Ancianá does not like it when anyone -be it friend or foe- comes up on her left side, and is very protective of it, as she views it as her weaker side.

Little patience- Ancianá is quick to grow angry. Thus she is no good at long or complicated negotiations or the like.

History
Ancianá lived in the Istarin forest, until her family and home was destroyed during a skirmish between her tribe and a band of human bandits. (why did the humans attack them?)  During the battle, she was captured by a bandit who cruelly chopped off the pointed tip of her right ear with his blade when she struggled. Due to the bravery of her father and brothers, (who died later along with the rest of her family) she was freed, but the severed part of her ear never grew back. Ancianá, mortified and greatly befuddled in the melee, tried to find her way to her family's home, which was at the front of her village, opposite of the battle, which was engaging at near the back- but steadily working its way into the heart of the village. The poor elf maiden's sense of direction, however, was as twisted and confused as she was, and she ended up on the outskirts of the forest. After a long fit of well-deserved crying, Ancianá (who was terrified, confused, exhausted, and dazed, among a blend of emotions) subsided into sleep. After a short period of shock and grief, (about a week, to say the least) she came to her senses and foraged for food, half of which she devoured upon finding, being starved. With her new supplies she made her way back to her village.

Upon reaching the poor place, Ancianá discovered that the bandits had set fire to the village after pillaging it. She found no other former inhabitants- if there were any survivors, they had moved on by then. Ancianá salvaged what she could from her the wreckage of her home- namely her father's bow, which the bandits had somehow overlooked.

(Hmmm.  As you can probably understand, we have a policy of not allowing CD writers to change the course of history for the sake of their character.  I’m not entirely sure if destroying this secluded village counts, so I’ve asked the other mods for their thoughts.  I’ll let you know what we decide :))

Up until the battle, Ancianá pretty much lived a normal Jhehellrhim elf life. (She was taught by her father to use the bow and to hunt.) Her personality, however, changed a bit after the battle. A quiet girl already, the death of her family gave her a slightly darker, sadder outlook on things.

After her home and family were destroyed, rather than remain with the other elves, like so many other waifs Ancianá decided to strike out and make a living outside of the Istarin forest, taking her father's bow, quiver, and arrows. Thus she came upon the town of Cavthan. Soon after her arrival a group of cruel and drunken men, seeking fun, decided to pursue Ancianá. Young, naive, confused, and terrified, Ancianá attempted to flee. Abruptly the men's moods changed to anger, a result of their intoxication, and they began stoning her. One stone hit her eye, thereupon ruining its function (Ancianá later fashioned a brown patch of sorts to hide it), whereupon she took to alleyways until she was out of Cavthan, then traveling to an unravaged part of the Istarin forest to heal.

After this Ancianá thought it beneficial to learn to use another weapon- a blade, to be specific. In her travels she was able to purchase an ordinary dagger with the money she was paid for hunting. She also paid the seller to teach her rudimentary close-range fighting with her dagger. Gradually she progressed beyond the ability of her "teacher" (whereupon she, naturally, stopped having him teach her), then moving on in her wandering.

In another town Ancianá was forced to take shelter in a stable that night, having no money to pay for lodging in a tavern or inn. Sometime during the evening a young, brash woman entered the humble establishment with her stubborn horse, (who was, obviously to Ancianá, resisting because his mistress treated him so cruelly) thrashing him with a branch. He was a beautiful stallion- a base of light grey, sprinkled with a dose of darker grey on his frontside (withers?) and upper back, more heavily spotted in the hindquarters and back legs. Observing this cruel scene from her hiding place in the loft, Ancianá (who was instilled with a love of animals from her life in the forest) could not quell the indignant feeling that rose up inside her. Finally the woman left and Ancianá (who, again, had a painful lack of money) felt the need to steal the horse. That she did, that night, and promptly took flight from the town with her stolen boon.

Ancianá drifts between towns, cities, nations, and seeking work, but never returning to the town where she lost her eye and the forest where she lost her former life.

(Much better :D)

Weapons
-Dagger
-Elven bow, quiver, and arrows

Note: Ancianá always keeps all of her weapons in easy reach, blade in a belt and scabbard at her hips, bow over her shoulder, quiver slung over her back.

BELONGINGS
-Leather belt studded with jade
-Flask
-Rope
-Knapsack
-Leather armor (which she mostly keeps in a cloth bag)

Familiar
Avásh (name means "wind, air" in Styrásh)
Avásh is Ancianá's steed, half Rusik and half Centoraurian. He is a male dappled grey- a base of light grey with dark grey blotched over it, mostly heavily dappled on his hindquarters and back legs, more lightly on his front legs- like a light drizzle. Also on his hindquarters are scars- marks from a past owner who beat him.

Avásh can be willful at times, but in general he is an amiable animal, willing to do whatever Ancianá asks. He is the one that his mistress trusts the most; they share a very close relationship. He loves her because she saved him from a cruel mistress. Because Ancianá has no one else to care for, she spoils Avásh when she can afford to- he is her family now.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná, Elf ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 08, 2008, 04:33:35 AM
Okay... Thank you again! I hope it's good. I tried! :grin:


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on July 08, 2008, 10:59:19 AM
Hey Ancianá! The mods have discussed it out, and we'd ask you to remove the destroying of the village from your history section for several reasons~

1~ The Jhehellerhim are all hidden away in their forest, with great fortifications etc. in their natural habitat. This puts the human bandits at a natural disadvantage.

2~ The Jhehellerhim aren't exactly a 'push-over' tribe. They consist of fierce warriors, so we find it unlikely that a village of theirs will be trumped by a small group of bandits. Even peasants can 'defend' themselves if they use farming tools and whatever against the bandits, if the citizens are helping each other.

3~ The main reason for attacking a village is for resources or slaves. Why would the bandits be attacking a secluded village, deep in the woods, who are known for their war skills? The area in question is not exactly lacking in resources and slavery is strictly forbidden, there seems little motivation for the bandits to attack.

So, the Mods have decided that the village thing won't really work. Hope that doesn't dent your CD to bad... :)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 20, 2008, 07:32:01 AM
Ok, I do believe that I've fixed up most of my CD! Thanks for the comments, past and future. (Hope the forest fire thing works...)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Mannix on July 20, 2008, 02:15:10 PM
Hiya Ancianá.  I'll just commet on your new history, and any spelling mistakes I see.

The loss of her left eye does not permit Ancianá to see on her left (delete 2nd space) side, which obviously will account for scars on the left side of her body.

She does not often stand up for herself or other people, which sometimes makes her seem cowardly or unloyal (I don’t’ think this is actually a word).

Ancianá lived in the Istarin forest, until her family and home was destroyed during a huge forest fire during her late youth. Was the fire just their house, or the whole village? It had spread from roughly the center of the forest to the western, where the small village she lived in existed. Ancianá's parents and two brothers attempted to put out the fire with the other grown elves, while she and her sister were told to flee the small village. Unless the whole village was on fire why would they flee?  Surely it would be safer just to go to the other side of the village.  If there is a forest fire, why would it be better to go into the forest? In the confusion they were separated. As her sense was as twisted and as befuddled as (delete 2nd space) she was, nightfall found Ancianá somewhere in the east side of the Istarin forest. Could she really walk that far? She is young, scared and there isn’t much time. After a long fit of well-deserved crying, Ancianá (who was terrified, confused, exhausted, and dazed, among a blend of emotions) subsided into sleep. After a short period of shock and grief, (about a week, to say the least) she came to her senses and foraged for food, half of which she devoured upon finding, being starved. She was without food and water for a week? With her new supplies she made her way back to the blackened village. Wasn’t she lost?

Upon reaching the poor place, Ancianá discovered most of the village in cinders. Okay so it was the whole village.  This may cause the same problem as before.  I’ll discuss it with the mods. ;) She found no other former inhabitants- if there were any survivors, they had moved on by then. Ancianá salvaged what she could from her the wreckage of her home- namely her father's bow. She then embarked on a search for her family, first looking in the other areas of the Istarin forest. Having no success, she moved on- though not with out some tears.

One stone hit her eye, thereupon ruining its function (Ancianá later fashioned a brown patch of sorts to hide it), whereupon she took to alleyways until she was out of Cavthan, then traveling to an unravaged (I don’t think this is actually a word) part of the Istarin forest to recover in peace.

I'll be back with the mods answer.

Mannix


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Azhira Styralias on July 22, 2008, 03:09:35 AM
Hi Anciana. I am changing your icon back to the pencil work in progress for now. Mannix will address the issues with the forest fire with you soon. Assess his comments and change back to the exclamation for more comment.

I think you're almost there!  :cool:


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 22, 2008, 03:15:36 AM
Thanks, Mannix and Azhira! My, uh, logic doesn't seem to be working properly when it comes to Anci's CD... Thanks again; Ill be working on it.


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 22, 2008, 04:26:29 AM
'K, I think I'm done for now!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Mannix on July 22, 2008, 06:29:00 PM
Sorry I took so long Ancianá.  I've discussed it with a few people, and we think it is best if you downsize the fire.  It seems you have hinted at quite a large fire, which would definitely be noted by historians if it happened.  It would be best it you have a small settlement with a small fire.  The Jhehellrhim are known for small settlements so it seems quite possible that a small settlement could be destroyed by a fire.  Perhaps consider what an accident, eg. a child playing with fire, starting the fire.  As long as you keep the settlement small, and the fire only affecting that settlement it should be okay.  Good Luck.

Mannix


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 23, 2008, 09:25:58 AM
Sounds good; thank you for your time and input!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 25, 2008, 12:18:44 AM
I think I'm done! :read: "Done"- how sweet that word is! Well, I'm done for now...


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Azhira Styralias on July 25, 2008, 02:53:51 AM
You're about there, Anciana. A couple of things:

1. Without a left eye, I don't think you'd be as good with the bow as you say. You may need to tone down the hit range a bit due to your vision issues.

2. Bow and dagger skills counts as two separate strengths.

3. Your steed counts as a strength since a horse gives you an advantage in your life (traveling) and in battle.

4. I'd like to see another weakness or maybe two since your strengths now make you a bit unbalanced.

Other than that, I like what I see!  ;)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 25, 2008, 03:54:35 AM
I'm on the case, Azhira. :computer:


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 25, 2008, 04:09:56 AM
Mission accomplished. *Pries fingers out of fatal keyboard position.*

Just one question for Azhira: I have a portrait that I'd like to put in my CD. It's different than my profile portrait, but they both reflect Anciana... Is this okay? Can I still put it in here, or does it have to be the same as my profile portrait?


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Azhira Styralias on July 25, 2008, 04:27:34 AM
No, it does not have to be the same portrait, Anciana. Feel free to use it!  :)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 25, 2008, 04:27:57 AM
Huzzah! Thank you, Azhira!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Mannix on July 25, 2008, 05:38:36 PM
Ancianá, I can't see your eye and hair colour sections.  Perhaps you deleted them by mistake. ;)

Mannix


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on July 26, 2008, 12:15:17 AM
Hey Anciana, can you add the tribe into your topic name at the top? We're 'technically' not supposed to comment until all the rules at the top of the forum are complete. :)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná ~ Pensive Drifter
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 26, 2008, 10:52:08 AM
Mannix: Thanks for pointing that out; I must have missed that. I will add the missing sections to my CD...

Eleyr: Yessir! Salutes.  ;)

Done!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Belyan Cuivizanel on July 26, 2008, 10:40:50 PM
Hey Ancianá. I don't think I can help you a lot anymore since now only mods and admins can advise you. However, as I read your fantastic CD I've noticed a couple of minor things. Comments in red.

Name
Ancianá Silarná'yráná (means "Silence Moon-Rose" in Styrásh)

Gender
Female

Age
about 367 in elven years (but who's counting?); looks to be about 32 human years

Race
Jhehellrhim ("Rebel Elves")

Occupation
Finds whatever work she can; often hunts or acts as a rogue.

Title
Pensive drifter

Appearance
Height- 1 ped, 1 fore, 2 palmspans

Weight- About 1 pygge, 1 hafeb, and 4 ods.

Hair color- Rich red-brown

Eye color- Dark, shadowy green

Physical appearance- Ancianá's skin, like most of her tribe, is reddish-brown, as well as other features of her body, has a goldish undertone and, despite her diminishing youth, has yet to become wrinkled with age. Ancianá has a stocky, sturdily-set physique, with muscle aplenty (though she conserves her strength for when she truly needs it.) Her bust is modest, which is advantageous in battle. In most things her body is a typical Jhehellrhim physique. There is one thing, however, that sets her apart from others: her left eye, gouged out after being ruined. The nasty hole is hidden by a brown patch.

Strands of red-brown hair, more red than brown and with an undertone of gold, frame an oval face. The rest of the hair, a little longer than shoulder length, is pulled back into a neat, rather short braid and tied with a leather cord at the end. Beneath an average forehead gleams a narrow eye, the same hue of green as a shadowy forest. The left eye (or lack of one) is hidden by a brown eye patch. The pupil, while black as is normal, is rimmed with traces of dark gold. As her temper starts to fray, the elf maiden's wide nostrils flare below a broad, gently sloping nose. The corners of the mouth below it, a darker shade of red-brown, turn down, frowning in thought. Soon, though, her mood is more lighthearted- she is grooming her horse, Avásh. Her fingers, sure, quick, precise, extend from her small hands. Her nails, which seem light brown because of the skin underneath them, are uncut and slightly ragged. Despite this mildly unappealing characteristic, the elf maiden is generally pleasant to behold.

Clothing
Like her Jhehellrhim tribe, Ancianá dresses in forest green and tan- colors suited to blend in with the forest. She often wears cloth armor. Ancianá gets what quality she can with the meager pay she collects. She owns but one piece of jewelry, if you can call it that: a leather belt studded with jade. It's a rare occasion that she wears it, but it's said that when she does, she looks like the daughter of Avá.

Personality
Ancianá is a person who is usually quiet and pensive, (and sometimes a bit shy as well) reflecting on everything. In conversations she often listens more than she speaks, but given the chance she will warm up to people. Ancianá is not very imaginative and has a mild tendency for impatience. She has a rather nervous habit of fingering the hilt of her dagger with her free hand. Ancianá is not a very religious person- it's very rare that she prays to a god. It is a very special person that she will permit herself to be friends with. Ancianá is most happy when alone with a steaming mug of cider or with her horse Avásh. When in a good mood she often shows her dry humor and involves herself in friendly conversations.

Strengths
Dagger - Ancianá cannot throw her dagger. Despite her short training, she has developed a few tricks up her sleeve and is a relatively formidable opponent in hand-to-hand combat. This weapon of choice is her preference, because the loss of her left eye prevents her from being first-rate with the bow.

Elven Bow- She is able to hit a still target at about 10 peds; a moving one, at about 6. -Hope this is realistic. (Since that is not very far, I think it is - even with one eye...I can't see, however, why she should use a bow when an opponent is so close....My should, IMHO, remove this strengths and let her throw a dagger at the same distances...this sounds more realistic)
   
Swiftness- Ancianá possesses speed and litheness that belies her stocky stance, often catching others off-guard. This can also help her when hunting or climbing.

Steed- When riding her horse Avásh, Ancianá is fast, faster than on foot (Obviously... :grin:). She often rides him when hunting large game.

Weaknesses/Flaws
Spirits- Ancianá cannot stop downing pretty much any alcoholic beverage after a couple of drinks. This, of course, is a very bad weakness for a rogue to have, as it loosens her tongue and makes her mind and memories fuzzy, in addition to a bad... em... let's say a bad experience when she wakes up. As a result, she tries to stick to cider, but that doesn't really improve her "tough" image with some people. Enough said. (I love this weakness...it's fun to play)

No left eye- The loss of her left eye does not permit Ancianá to see on her left side, which obviously will account for scars on the left side of her body. As a result Ancianá does not like it when anyone -be it friend or foe- comes up on her left side, and is very protective of it, as she views it as her weaker side.

Quietness- Ancianá is slow to speak, especially with people she doesn't know well. She does not often stand up for herself or other people, which sometimes makes her seem cowardly or disloyal.

History
Ancianá lived in the Istarin forest, until the community she lived in was destroying in a forest fire during her late youth. It had spread from roughly the center of the forest to the western, where the small settlement she lived in existed. Ancianá's parents and two brothers attempted to put out the fire with the other grown elves, while she and her sister were told to flee the forest. In the confusion they were separated. As her sense was as twisted and as befuddled as she was, nightfall found Ancianá somewhere at the northwest edge of the Istarin forest. After a long fit of well-deserved crying, Ancianá (who was terrified, confused, exhausted, and dazed, among a blend of emotions) subsided into sleep. After a short period of shock and grief, (about a week, to say the least) she came to her senses. After foraging for food and getting a bearing on her position in the forest, she found her way to the blackened settlement.

Upon reaching the place, Ancianá discovered most of the buildings in cinders. She found no other former inhabitants- if there were any survivors, they had moved on by then. Ancianá salvaged what she could from her the wreckage of her home- namely her father's bow. She then embarked on a search for her family, first looking in the other areas of the Istarin forest. Having no success, she moved on- though not without some tears.

Up until the forest fire, Ancianá pretty much lived a normal Jhehellrhim elf life. (She was taught by her father to use the bow and to hunt.) Her personality, however, changed a bit after the fire. A quiet girl already, the death of her family and community gave her a slightly darker, sadder outlook on things, as well as a dry sense of humor where a louder one had existed. (Nice)

After her home and family were destroyed, rather than remain in the ruins of the settlement, like so many other waifs Ancianá decided to strike out and make a living outside of the Istarin forest, taking her father's bow, quiver, and arrows. Thus she came upon the town of Cavthan, partly in the scant hopes that her family might have traveled there. Soon after her arrival a group of cruel and drunken men, seeking fun, decided to pursue Ancianá. Young, naive, confused, and terrified, Ancianá attempted to flee. Abruptly the men's moods changed to anger, a result of their intoxication, and they began stoning her. One stone hit her eye, thereupon ruining its function (Ancianá later fashioned a brown patch of sorts to hide it), whereupon she took to alleyways until she was out of Cavthan, then traveling to an undamaged part of the Istarin forest to recover in peace.

After this Ancianá thought it beneficial to learn to use another weapon- a blade, to be specific. In her travels she was able to purchase an ordinary dagger with the money she was paid for hunting. She also paid the seller to teach her rudimentary close-range fighting with her dagger (and maybe throwing them?). Gradually she progressed to equal the ability of her "teacher" (whereupon she, naturally, stopped having him teach her), then moving on in her wandering.

In another town Ancianá was forced to take shelter in a stable that night, having no money to pay for lodging in a tavern or inn. Sometime during the evening a young, brash woman entered the humble establishment with her stubborn horse, (who was, obviously to Ancianá, resisting because his mistress treated him so cruelly) thrashing him with a branch. He was a beautiful stallion- a base of light grey, sprinkled with a dose of darker grey on his withers and upper back, more heavily spotted in the hindquarters and back legs. Observing this cruel scene from her hiding place in the loft, Ancianá (who was instilled with a love of animals from her life in the forest) could not quell the indignant feeling that rose up inside her. Finally the woman left and Ancianá (who, again, had a painfully noticeable lack of money) felt the need to steal the horse. That she did, that night, and promptly took flight from the town with her stolen boon.

Ancianá drifts between towns, cities, nations, and seeking work, but never returning to the town where she lost her eye and the forest where she lost her former life. As she's had no success in her search for her family, she has lost all but a sliver of hope and despite herself keeps an eager eye out for them- that part of her will never stop hoping.

Weapons
-Dagger
-Elven bow, quiver, and arrows

Note: Ancianá always keeps all of her weapons in easy reach, blade in a belt and scabbard at her hips, bow over her shoulder, quiver slung over her back.

Belongings
-Leather belt studded with jade
-Flask
-Rope
-Knapsack
-Leather armor (which she mostly keeps in a cloth bag)

Familiar
Avásh (name means "wind, air" in Styrásh)
Avásh is Ancianá's steed, half Rusik and half Centoraurian. He is a male dappled grey- a base of light grey with dark grey blotched over it, mostly heavily dappled on his hindquarters and back legs, more lightly on his front legs- like a light drizzle. Also on his hindquarters are scars- marks from a past owner who beat him.

Avásh can be willful at times, but in general he is an amiable animal, willing to do whatever Ancianá asks. He is the one that his mistress trusts the most; they share a very close relationship. He loves her because she saved him from a cruel mistress. Because Ancianá has no one else to care for, she spoils Avásh when she can afford to- he is her family now.

If you decided to remove your bow, you would have to adjust that in her history section....Instead, give her a couple of daggers so she can throw them. I don't know if you will remove it, though, but I really see no reason why she would keep a bow which would be quite useless and even unfavourable on such a close distance. Maybe she sold the expensive bow to buy herself some good daggers?

Well, well. I'm not even close to be a mod, but I don't really see any reason not to get approved soon. Good work!  :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on July 27, 2008, 09:15:06 AM
Hey, Belyan! Thanks for the comments. About the bow- she uses it for hunting. I think I mentioned that she uses the dagger more often, didn't I? (Don't remember. I'll have to look... :grin:) In my opinion, a throwing dagger would be rather unwieldy for hunting. I'd rather stick with the traditional hunting weapon, just to be on the safe side. :grin: Thanks again; I'll be sure to correct the errors you so kindly pointed out!

EDIT: Done!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Belyan Cuivizanel on July 27, 2008, 09:59:12 PM
Hey Ancianá, yeah I guess the bow is fine. I overread that she just uses it for hunting. But then, you should maybe add another strength: Stealth. I guess it is quite difficult to approach a shy forest animal at ten peds. In this case, however, you would need to add another weakness to outbalance her - maybe her missing eye gives her headaches every once in a while?

And could you please colour your changes so that the mods can see that you've applied them? And you should absolutely put the exclamation mark back! There really is not much to change. I really like Ancianá!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Azhira Styralias on July 28, 2008, 09:08:18 PM
This looks good, Anciana! The personality is a bit short for my liking...but it will do. Not everyone has to have a super long CD (like us mods do, hehe... ;)) I have no more quibbles. And you show a willingness to integrate comments and to do your research. So I don't see that you'd have any difficulty in a story at all.

First Approval


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on July 28, 2008, 09:15:54 PM
YAY ANCIANA!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Simonne Miller on July 28, 2008, 09:31:01 PM
Well, I agree that you're almost ready for an approval, but I do have one or two comments before I can give you mine.

-In the strenghts and weaknesses: 10 peds isn't very much for shooting the bow. I looked it up on Wikipedia (the longbow, which I believe elven bows are based on) and it says that 'a hit can't be guaranteed at more than 75 meters'. That's 75 peds (handy, huh ;)). Keeping in mind that she misses her left eye, I would tone it down to perhaps 50 peds?

-Still in the S&W section, another major weakness for her in missing her left eye is the lack of depth perception. This is really going to hinder her in hunting and in every day life, as it is really hard to estimate where something/a prey is exactly in relation to herself.

-In the history, you say that she retrieves her father's bow from the fire, and later that she uses his bow, arrows and quiver. That's all very well, but I believe you're going to have to explain how all of those survived the fire, when the houses have gone up in cinders. Remember, a bow is made entirely of wood (even composite bows are partly made of wood, so they wouldn't normally survive a fire either).

When you've done those things, I think you're ready for a second approval :)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on August 09, 2008, 07:45:06 AM
Alright, I think I've done what you asked. I think. I think I think. Thank you, Simonne! :D

Yeah, me too, Sil! :biggrin: I'm pretty darn excited!

*Cracks fingers.* Alright, I'm ready. (I think...)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Eléyr Fásamár on August 10, 2008, 06:19:11 AM
~Second Approval~

You may want to go ahead and begin removing the colors from your CD, while you wait for an admin to come around~. ;)

I see you've removed the bow, but everything else still looks great~! (http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii224/Eleyr/bunny.gif)


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on August 10, 2008, 11:17:33 AM
Thank you! Yes!!! Thankyouthankyouthankyou, everyone who has helped me to improve my CD! My gratitude is boundless!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Silmarwen Elanessë on August 10, 2008, 11:21:23 AM
You earned it! :) Great Job Ancianá!!! *huggles*


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Wanderer
Post by: Ancianá Silarná'yráná on August 10, 2008, 11:23:41 AM
Thanks! I am so ready for my name to be in blue!


Title: Re: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Rogue or Wanderer
Post by: Twén Arċerwén on August 10, 2008, 12:17:47 PM
Congrats Ancianá! ~Titled and Archived~