Adventures of Caelereth

Archives => Approved Characters 2011 => Topic started by: Jack Blazak on August 05, 2010, 07:32:52 AM



Title: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on August 05, 2010, 07:32:52 AM
Name Jackeline "Jack" Blazak
Age 23
Race Human
Tribe Kasumarii
Occupation Archaeologist/ Mercenary
Title Deadly Excavator

Height 1 Ped, 1 Fore, 1 Palmspans
Weight 1 Pygge, 1 Hafeb
Hair Color White Blonde
Eye Color Green

Physical Appearance
          Her mother always told her that she was akin to light elves. White blonde hair, just like her mothers, ripples down her back to her waist. Like dove feathers, it's soft and downy to the touch, twisting and curling around her face like a mane. Looks were never really of much interest to her however. As a child no amount of brushing or combing could tame the thick mass of tangles and snarls. Not much has changed since then. A wash, a quick brush and it's let free to fall as it will, usually springing it all different directions. The only time she bothers to do anything with it is on the job, when one long plait down her back sufficed to keep it away from her face, though stray strands tend to find their way out and dangle around her forehead and temples.

           While her hair is her mothers, her eyes have always been an anomaly. A deep, pure green that's far different from the usual icy blue that's a trademark of her family. But there was no escaping the pale complexion that's a feature of not just her family, but her whole tribe. Soft and translucent, only a light speckling of freckles disrupts it's porcelain surface, dotting their way across the tops of her cheeks and a rounded, perk nose. A couple even found their way to the corner of her lush bottom lip, a slight smudge on the rosy tint.

           Even though short and petite, there is a sinewy strength in her slim body. At rest she doesn't seem like much but in action, the power in her limbs becomes more evident. Supple calves and strong, sculpted thighs give her speed by propelling her forward, making up for her lack of height. With narrow hips and a small, trim waist she appears frail, perhaps breakable. However, she is anything but. Her shoulders are narrow but nicely rounded and lead down to slightly defined biceps. A true Kasumarii, from her build to her disposition, it would be a mistake to underestimate her.


Clothing
          Formfitting tan suede trousers disappear beneath a pair of knee-high brown leather boots, which lace up the front and conceal a small silver dagger. A thick leather toolbelt buckles around her hips with two side pouches that hang down and strap at about mid-thigh with a modified loop on her left side that secures the sheath of her scimitar. The majority of her archeology equipment is housed on this belt, with the rest stored in her horses saddlebags. An oversized white silk shirt is tucked into her trousers, the billowy sleeves floating around her arms before fastening at her wrists. An copper talisman hangs from a length of hempen string, visible under the ties at the neck of her shirt. She had found it on the Caael'heroth Peninsula several years ago. Though thought to have belonged to a tribe of dwarves, the relic is too old and worn to be sure. Along with the talisman, on a silver chain hung much lower, is her fathers gold wedding band. If she was given the choice of keeping her clothes in a snowstorm or the ring, she would choose the ring without a moments hesitation. Lastly are her spectacles. Although usually keep in her toolbelt, when reading or writing they can be found balanced on the bridge of her nose. Wire-framed with round lenses, she appalls wearing them.

       On special occasions she has a dark blue silk dress that she picked up in Veltin from a Caltharian trader that lost the beautiful piece to her in a game of cards. The cut is formfitting and falls over her curves alluringly. A low, scooping neckline reveals the cleavage of her modestly sized bosom and frames them perfectly. It laces down the back, ending in a bow that is quite purposefully situated at the small of her back. The dress is rather long on her due to her diminutive size so she wears black leather heels that keep the hem from dragging on the ground and tripping her up. It's only an added bonus that it adds an extra 3 nailsbreadths to her height. Drop pearl earrings and a matching necklace complete the ensemble, heirlooms passed down from her mother.


Personality
         Calm under pressure, she exudes a cool confidence that generally isn't forced, but even during those instances when she becomes unsure of herself  she never allows it to show in her demeanor. If ever she was faced with the possibility of losing everything, she would face it with a chuckle and a smug grin. She believes that falling into your fear dulls your senses and slows your reaction, making you nothing but a target. Generally carefree, there isn't much that that can rile her. Domestic abuse and undeserved arrogance are on the short list and can easily get her pissed off. The only thing that has been known to almost completely push her over the edge is when people insultingly poke fun at her size. Her entire life she had to try to compensate for her lack of height and proving herself has turned out to be no easy feat. Many a barroom brawl were started because of the blow to her pride, some of which she has lost but she revels in the wins.

          There are also those times when she can get rowdy, especially when she gambles. This could be due to the fact that when she gambles, she usually accompanies it with drinking. Her quick wit and saucy comments tend to get her audience rambunctious right along with her or severely ticked off, depending on the crowd.  However, she is extremely serious about her work. Her fathers entire lifetime was dedicated to archeology and with a legacy like that passed down to her there is no room for mediocrity. Sheer joy for her is derived from excavating ruins and uncovering secrets of the world from eras long before hers.


Strengths
Bladed Weapon Proficiency- Her father taught her almost religiously in the art of swordplay. She is greatly skilled with just about any one-handed sword with the scimitar being her weapon of choice. Daggers and throwing knives are fun for her as well though she doesn't get much use out of them other than a recreational one.

Eleanor- Jack's mother was an extremely well trained horsewoman and she handed down as much knowledge to Jack as she could before she passed. Her own training isn't that extensive, so she can handle her own mare efficiently but with animals of a more headstrong disposition she can easily be tossed. Eleanor is of great help to her during excavation, carrying supplies and dragging large pieces of rubble away.

Spelunking- She learned to cave dive at the tender age of 9 when her father took her on first excavation. Ever since that day, even for just the fun of it, she seeks out caverns to explore. She's become quite good at it over the years but it's a dangerous activity and never takes her skill for granted.

Literate- Her childhood home had been filled with books, often scattered in disarray across tables and the floor. Everything from poetry to philosophy and she read all could and even now she buys any book she can get her hands on. Her father had taught her at the age of 6, considering it a very useful tool in the profession of archeology. To her it's relaxing to read but not only that, she finds a true joy in learning as much as she can.


Weaknesses
Farsighted- While her sight at a distance is nearly perfect, up close she requires the use of spectacles. Even though she despises wearing them, they are necessary for reading and writing, and examining just about anything that's less than a fore from her face. They're a constant nuisance, forever slipping down to the tip of her nose. On more than one occasion she's had to purchase another pair, for in her frustration she'll send them flying towards the nearest wall.

Heart Defect- A problem with her heart makes long distance cardio close to impossible. The defect causes heart palpations and makes it difficult for her to breathe. If she pushes herself too far then she becomes overwhelmed with bouts of nausea, dizziness and fatigue. She tries to compensate for the fact by following a strict training regiment to stay in shape, but no amount of training can repair her heart.

Gambling- Her only vice besides the occasional puff of tobacco, is her gambling. She can't resist a good challenge or bet, and a hand of cards or a roll of the dice is too much of a temptation for her to pass up. It's an expensive hobby and on more than one occasion she's been left with empty pockets but still feeling satisfied, like she finally reached that itch that she just couldn't scratch.


History
         Jackeline’s childhood was filled with excitement and mischief. Her youthful days were spent exploring the mountains and forest that stretched out before her home. Always there was an adventure to be had; or concocted. The rest of the children in her village would follow at her heels, clamoring for the opportunity to participate and Jack never turned them down. Pirates and soldiers; treasure hunters and beasts. Her imagination was vast and quite creative for such a young child. Never a dull moment, her favorite past-time was when her father allowed her to accompany him on a dig. Originally an assassin in the Korenjaan order, long before Jack was born, her father made his living killing people for money up until a leg injury made it impossible for him to continue in that line of work. When told, Jack couldn't believe that her loving, kind, father was capable of such a thing, though it was common place among the Kar'ii. However, when he was younger he showed initial interest archaeology, a hobby that was early on suppressed by his parents but his wife felt differently. She encouraged his enthusiasm of lost relics and supported their family with her own position amongst the Greendeaths. This decision somewhat ostracized him from the rest of his people but it is what he enjoyed doing and tried to ignore their disapproval. Even still her father retained much of his skill and talent, passing that down to his daughter as well. He trained her diligently in the art of swordplay, more specifically with the scimitar. Several hours of each day were spent in practice, whether it be with her prized scimitar he gave her or in the craft of archaeology. Wide-eyed and eager to learn, she very quickly learned that value of something couldn’t always be counted in gold. More often than not, all there was to find were bits of pottery and perhaps a child's doll with a missing arm. It was the adventure, however, and not so much the artifacts that first brought on her fascination. Some time later came the realization that these artifacts they found held the history of people long past and that unveiling them lent her a glimpse into their lives.

          After her mother died Jack immersed herself into archaeology along side her father, for neither of them wanted the free time to unwillingly reflect on the emptiness or bitterness that filled the hole left by her absence. And when her father passed on some time later, Jack could no longer stay in her childhood home and so she left, leaving behind both the happy and painful memories of her childhood for something more.

          The journey to Sarvonia and the first couple years of her independence were rough on the young woman, barely more than a girl. It was hard for a wandering archeologist to find work, especially at such a young age. But as she grew, so did her confidence and when she finally had to money she purchased Eleanor, a Kor’och fey Mologh that she immediately fell in love with. The addition of her companion marked the turning point in her life, for not long after she met an elf by the name of Daugon who traveled with his dwarven companion, Thrim. They were an odd pair to be traveling together but Jack never seemed to get a straight answer about how they had come to meet no matter how many times she had asked. Thrim was looking for reminisce of his ancestors clan in Caael'heroth Peninsula and so he hired Jack to assist them. While she was more than happy for the work, she suspected that it was Daugon who convinced him to bring her along. Although he did a decent job of hiding it, his feelings towards her were evident in the lurid glances that she often caught him aiming in her direction. She never did broach the subject, for Daugon was a married man and even if his resolve was not that strong, she was fervently against adultery.

          After excavating several sights on the Caael'heroth Peninsula they found many interesting artifacts, although Thrim didn’t seemed too pleased with their findings. Jack found them all fascinating however. Coins and weapons made of the majority of their find, along with pieces of armor. When Jack asked Thrim what he expected to find, his only answer was “Nothing but a fantasy.” Their expedition took a revealing turn, at least for Jack, when bandits attemped to raid their wagon and Daugon and Thrim were forced to try and run them off but they were overwhelmed. At that moment something clicked in Jack's mind and before she knew it she was covered in blood that was not her own. Her sword lashed out with such skill and finesse that in what seemed like the blink of an eye, two of their assailants were dead at her feet. It felt odd but strangely right that she should have joined the two in combat. She knew that it was self-defense and if she wanted to reason with herself then that was as good an explanation as any. But somehow she knew it didn't need reason or explanation and that she was even more like her late father than she thought. And though she was unaware of it at the time, Jack would soon make the decision to turn mercenary, a somewhat unexpected turn from archeology.

          She traveled with a pair for awhile long until Daugon began to make advances towards her. They were always subtle and never crossed the line into indecent but nonetheless it was wrong and Jack knew it. Jack couldn’t admit to herself that her feelings for the elf were mutual and perhaps it was for the best because she knew in her heart that he would never leave his wife of 200 years. So she moved on with a new understanding of the world and herself, stepping over the threshold of childhood to all that lay beyond.



Weapons
Scimitar - The sword is brand new and has of yet to be used. The blade of her previous one had been chipped and that was simply unacceptable to Jack. The weapon was specifically crafted for her with a handle and hand-guard that molds to her hand like a glove. The sheath is metal, painted black and polished to perfection.

Small Silver Dagger - An heirloom passed down from her father, the blade is pure silver with a mother-of-pearl hilt. A specially rigged sheath fits inside her right boot and houses the beautiful weapon.

Throwing Knives - Rarely ever used, they usually remain packed carefully away in Eleanor's saddlebags. There are a dozen of the tiny weapons, though they only see the light of day when Jack feels the urge to practice.


Familiars
Name: Eleanor
Age: 6
Breed: Kor’och fey Mologh
Height: 14 Hands

Physical Description: Jack found Eleanor at a horse ranch in Remusiat and immediately fell in love with the animal. She is short and lean, just like Jack, with a rich chestnut brown coat and splotches of white across her nose. Her mane and tail are a slightly darker shade of brown and are quite long and thick. Jack always keeps her coat clean and gleaming, often bathing the animal more than she bathes herself.

Personality: An extremely calm and docile animal, Jack has never had a problem with her. In fact, Eleanor has proven to be a very loyal and intelligent horse, coming at Jack's whistle and staying put at her command. A wonderful companion, Jack often finds herself conversing with Eleanor. Just one look into her large, expressive brown eyes and you're convinced that she understands every emotion you're feeling.

History: Eleanor's life hadn't been very eventful before Jack came and bought her from the ranch in Remusiat. Born a single fowl to her purebred mother, she spent the beginning of her life being trained into the perfect horse so that she could fetch a good price. Jack had bought her at the age of 4, only two years ago. It was a perfect match from the beginning. Traveling almost constantly, Eleanor adjusted fairly well to the life of an archaeologist.



Belongings
-Excavation Kit (Picks, brushes, shovel, ect.)
-Dried meat and canteen
-Utensils and flatware
-Flint
-Bedroll
-Compass and maps
-Various books
-Spelunking gear
-Hygiene equipment (Soap, tooth cabbage, ect.)
-Parchment and charcoal
-Cold climate under/outerwear





Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on August 05, 2010, 07:35:11 AM
Comments are welcome on what i have so far.
I'd also like to ask if it's required to list tribe traits as strengths, such as the Kar-ii's resistance to cold weather and bright light.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on August 06, 2010, 05:23:28 AM
I would list them, as reminders for moderators. Making their jobs easier when it comes to CDs, is always appreciated :)


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Malexia Vendu on August 07, 2010, 08:04:01 AM
I've never considered tribal and racial characteristics as being strengths. I count abilities outside of those such as special training (magic or weapons) and physical and mental attributes (intelligence, extraordinary strength, willpower etc). Familiars and mounts are also included as strengths.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on January 02, 2011, 11:25:22 AM
Bump for my own convenience


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on January 02, 2011, 01:39:18 PM
Could someone let me know if my strengths and weaknesses are balanced before I move on? I'd appreciate it  :)


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on January 02, 2011, 03:05:47 PM
Quote
A problem with one of her heart valves makes long distance cardio close to impossible. The irregular flow of blood causes heart palpations and makes it difficult for her to breathe. If she pushes herself too far then she becomes overwhelmed with bouts of nausea, dizziness and fatigue. She tries to compensate for the fact by following a strict training regiment to stay in shape, but no amount of training can repair her heart.

I am not sure they would know, in such extensive detail, about this condition. They may know it is a problem with her heart, but without ways to look at the heart as we do now, it would be hard to know it was a particular valve.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on January 02, 2011, 03:09:18 PM
Ok, fixed. Is everything else balanced okay?


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Ridgen Sú'ufanán on January 03, 2011, 04:21:39 AM
Hey Jack! Welcome to Santharia! Uhm... Well, there's a few things that I have to say about your CD:

 - If you're going  to have a familiar, it should be listed as a strength. One thing with familiars, I often catch people out who's left out a few sub-sections from that particular part of their CD. Familiar sections should be complete with physical description, history and personality sub-sections. Just keep that in mind if you want a horse familiar or other.

 - Reading and/or writing should be considered a strength, as the average peasant we're comparing your character (and everyone else's) to can't read. If I've missed something and you did list this as a strength, I apologise.

 - All in all, your character requires a one or two more weaknesses.

Ok, that's my two sans.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on January 03, 2011, 04:34:09 AM
I altered the strengths. I really only changed the titles and added just a bit for it to make more sense. I was also wondering if I needed separate strengths for mediocre horsemanship and her actual horse?

Still working on my familiars section.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Ridgen Sú'ufanán on January 03, 2011, 04:40:01 AM
They don't need to be separate, no.

I still think, though, that one more weakness would make your character better balanced than it is now.

Great start, by the way. Keep up the good work!


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on November 22, 2011, 03:43:52 AM
Ha, it was a LONG time coming, but I'm finished


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Alexandre Scriabin on November 27, 2011, 03:24:37 AM
Howdy! Just for starters, I'd like to say that I don't see how spelunking is a strength, as opposed to simply being a hobby. While Jack may be a skilled spelunker, the sort of thing that we have in mind when we say "strength" or "weakness" here is a skill or ability that affects the player often and would affect him or her during roleplay.

While that sort of activity is fascinating and would certainly take some skill, you can't go spelunking in town, on a ship, or in a tavern, can you?


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on November 27, 2011, 03:57:10 AM
But spelunking is a skill that she uses to make money and not all roleplay takes place in a city or town. It's not farfetched for her to end up in terrain where spelunking would be needed.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Irid alMenie on November 27, 2011, 05:45:14 PM
Howdy! Just for starters, I'd like to say that I don't see how spelunking is a strength, as opposed to simply being a hobby. While Jack may be a skilled spelunker, the sort of thing that we have in mind when we say "strength" or "weakness" here is a skill or ability that affects the player often and would affect him or her during roleplay.

While that sort of activity is fascinating and would certainly take some skill, you can't go spelunking in town, on a ship, or in a tavern, can you?

Actually, what I always understood strengths to be were skills that your character has that a common peasant would not have. I don't think a peasant would go traipsing through caves even just for fun, let alone to try and find artifacts, and it does take quite a bit of skill to do that, so it's a valid strength. There have, in fact, been parts of stories here taking place in caves, where this strength could have come in handy.

Jack, for my comments for now I'm sticking to the history. What I'm missing is a mention of how a family came to be archaeologists in a tribe that's mostly focused on warfare, so known for their assassins. I LIKE that your character is not one of those assassins, I'd just like to see why. Also, for profession you say archaeologist and mercenary, but in the history there is no mention of learning the skill (though you do mention it in strengths) or how you can find the time to learn proficiency in so many weapons plus go scavenging for artifacts.

At the end of your history you say that "the inevitable happened" and Daugon made advances towards you. One question: WHY is this the inevitable? Despite all the stories, elves falling in love with the much shorter-lived humans are really quite rare in Santharia, and if he has a wife why would he take up with what for him would essentially be a child?

That's it for now, but I hope I helped a little bit :)


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on November 28, 2011, 11:58:04 PM
Alright, additions/corrections are made in dark gray.
Let me know if I'm leaving out anything else.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Alexandre Scriabin on December 02, 2011, 03:01:31 PM
Quote
But spelunking is a skill that she uses to make money and not all roleplay takes place in a city or town. It's not farfetched for her to end up in terrain where spelunking would be needed.

Okay, I understand you now. Thanks for clearing that up. As for her father being into archeology, I can only see that working out if her father was a Nightson.

I'd like you to read up on the orders of the kasumarii and fit her family into that context better. In the first place, it's doubtful that a child growing up in a society that worships Queprur would have a childhood that is "nothing but wonderful". Kasumarii are competitive, and they mostly become pirates, assassins, dark mages (clerical shadowmancers), and fanatical killers.

Have a good day.  :cool:


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on December 03, 2011, 06:30:57 AM
All right, additional edits for Alexandre made in maroon.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Alýr (Rayne) on December 03, 2011, 03:34:40 PM
Hi, Jack!

I don't usually frequent these parts, but I thought I might poke in. I've glance through your CD--you've got a lovely writing style. Particularly your appearance section is beautifully written! One minor suggestion: because there are no angels in Santharia, perhaps your character's mother compared her to light elves instead?

I know you are navigating through the various entries and that you've of course been reading up on the Kasumarii. It's a bit hidden, but this is actually a nomadic tribe:
Quote
The Kasumarii rarely stay in any one place for too long, and even their largest buildings are designed to be able to be taken apart for traveling.

This should probably be mentioned in the People's section and not just Housing, but alas!

Archeology is a fairly unlikely profession, at least in the Kasumarii tribe. Perhaps, instead of a profession, it was a hobby of your character's father, and one your character wished to pursue but, because of the restrictions of the Kasumarii tribe and the societal pressures therein, could not. This could further precipitate her traveling from Cyhalloi (which is actually a collection of islands) to Sarvonia, where she is more likely to: 1) be able to purchase her horse (bred by the Ice Tribes that reside in Northern Sarvonia) and 2) meet a dwarf and elf traveling together (especially since there are no dwarven tribes in Cyhalloi!)

I hope this helps! Please let me or one of the moderators know if you have any questions. Hopefully we can get you shipped off to RPing soon! I would love to see that beautiful rhetorical style put to use in a story!


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on December 04, 2011, 10:05:54 AM
I changed angel to light elves but an injury made it impossible for her father to continue in most Kar'ii professions so thats why he took up archaeology. I've added that choosing that alternate profession somewhat ostracized him and that when Jack left she traveled to sarvonia.

Thanks for the tips!


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Alýr (Rayne) on December 11, 2011, 04:00:14 AM
Archeology poses an issue for a few reasons:

1) Archeological digs and research usually require an individual to stay in one place for a marked amount of time. However, the Kasumarii are a nomadic peoples. A long term stay isn't necessarily feasible in this culture.

2) Archeology often yields little in the way on income. As a Nightson, you can make a living through magical and herbal arts--and perhaps cooking, which I imagine would be an appropriate derivation of the latter. I also assume they would serve as pedagogues. But archeology alone is unfortunately not very lucrative!

3) The time period makes archeology a bit unlikely. Modern archeology as we know it is really a fairly new discipline (ironic!), no older than a couple hundred years. Of course, you can trace archeology back to Renaissance Italy--but if this tells us nothing else, it tells us that archeology is a study that requires political and economic stability--and, as seems to be the case--a urban intellectual center--to develop, which at this period exists primarily in Santharia, most likely in the urban centers of New-Santhala (current capital), Ximax (high intellectual community), and Voldar (previous capital). I should probably add Thambalath, too, or Fox may get upset with me--for like Ximax, there are a high number of intellectuals there.


I do not think archeology is impossible. If your father has any interest in history, I see no reason why he cannot dabble in archeology--scouring for the remains of earlier Kasumarii settlements (of which there are probably many, given the itinerant nature of the tribe). While it might be difficult to make this into a profession, it is certainly something he may have done on the side, and most certainly a passion he passed on to his daughter.

If I may provide a little disclaimer--I am merely offering my suggestions. I am not an official commenter, and certainly do not have any authority of one!  :buck: If you have any questions, let me know, and I will do my best to answer.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on December 15, 2011, 05:31:33 AM
I'm pretty adamant about part of Jack profession being archaeology but I changed it so that her fathers interest in archaeology was just a hobby that he passed down to Jack. Her mother supported them, being in the Greendeaths.

I really appreciate all of your comments Alyr!

But could someone who is a moderator find some time to give me comments as well? I'm eager to get started.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on December 19, 2011, 04:59:12 AM
Hello, dear!

Quite a read you have, and I really enjoyed it. I liked the changes you made and they seemed to bring the aspects of the character together.

One thing which did seem odd to me was the fight scene in the history. It was really out of the blue that she had so much skill and it wasn't really explained well in her history. I see one sentence, but it doesn't exactly say whether it is his skill with a sword or his excavating skills. Just a little bit of clarification would be excellent there.

That is my only major...complaint.

Well done!


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on December 19, 2011, 10:39:17 PM
Alright, a revision was made in blue. Thanks for all the help and comments! Let me know if I've left anything out.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Kalína Dalá'isyrás on December 20, 2011, 03:11:20 AM
It looks satisfactory to me! :thumbup:


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Alýr (Rayne) on December 20, 2011, 12:43:50 PM
I'm assuming the village mentioned in the beginning of your history is a nomadic village?

It looks like a lot of your adventures thus far have been in the Northern parts of Sarvonia. Many of the stories are in the South--the easiest way to get there is by boat, since the Tandalas are nearly impassable. These are just things to keep in mind. However, I don't see why a pony can't be transported on a ship.

I'm guessing she makes money by selling some of the treasures she finds?


If all assumptions are correct, then for what it's worth, this character has my approval.


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on December 20, 2011, 01:08:55 PM
Yes, I suppose I could have clarified that her and her horse travelled by ship but I figured that might be implied.

And she does sell treasures for coin but could also be hired to seek out specific items for those who pay her enough. However, I would imagine that most of the money she makes to support her and her archaeology is from being a hired mercenary.

Thanks so much for all of your comments. They've been very helpful and appreciated!!


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Malexia Vendu on December 22, 2011, 04:52:40 AM
First Approval  :pet:


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin on December 23, 2011, 10:29:13 AM
That's all I need to hear.

Congrats, Jack.  Welcome.

Remove the colour and I will archive this for you. :D


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Jack Blazak on December 23, 2011, 10:48:54 PM
Alrighty, color removed


Title: Re: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary
Post by: Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin on December 24, 2011, 04:24:31 PM
Titled and Archived. :)