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Author Topic: Dane Bal'azar  (Read 10437 times)
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dane balazar
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« on: August 20, 2003, 07:50:22 AM »

Name: Dane Bal'alzar
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Race:Human
Tribe: Trk'matiu
Title: Exiled Battle Rager

Appearance
Dane stands just over 2 peds, and weighs 221 od. He has broad shoulders, covered with the skin of various animals.  The skins drapes down to his ankles, giving the appearance of a robe or cloak. His hair, dark red in color, is long and hangs in ratty braids, hovering just above his shoulders, and by no means is even.  From a shorter strand in the front dangles an iron ring. Danes face is scarred, surprisingly so for his age, a rather big one resides just above his left eye, look as if he was grazed by a un-even weapon. His eyes are a dark hazel, growing from a green around the edges to the dark brown around the pupil. Dane does not shave, but does not have a beard, his chin and face home to small red stubble. His large hands are blistered, and his arms thick and muscular.  A large scar, which looks like it could be from a bite, resides just below his shoulder. He wears a ragged kilt (perhaps the remnants of pants that been torn for various reasons, I.E. size) of thick dyed navy blue wool held up by a wolf pelt belt. His skin weathered and rough, most likely a result of being in the cold for his whole life. He always stands at his full height, never slouching.

Personality

Dane is a  proud person but untrusting. He views himself as a loner, and is reluctant to accepting help and the company of anyone. His sense of human relationship is skewed, and steers clear of constant companions. In fact, people make him anxious. Dane having friends is rare( but not impossible), and you are more likely to earn his respect and not his friendship. He is quiet, mainly keeping to him unless insulted or addressed. He has a strong sense of honor (a warrior's honor), but seems to have trouble controlling himself. He usually does not think before he acts, and is very impulsive, largely due to his headstrong nature.  

Dane is a hunter so he has a great respect for the forces of "mother nature”, but is not afraid to weather a storm. He dislikes (and fears, though he would probably not admit it) magic, thinking Wizards and the like to be "weak". Do to his fear of magic he is not particularly fond of elves, but respects the elven rangers greatly. Dwarves and Orcs he has little views on for he has met so few of them.

Unlike most Trk'matiu , Dane is not fond of the ocean, or boats for that matter. He would not refuse to ride them, but would rather steer clear of them.

History
Dane was born in a Trk'matiu camp near the Mountains of Oro during a blizzard early in the year, in which his family was caught. Mostly his father raised him, for his mother died soon after Dane's weaning. Dane was his father's only son, for the year before Dane's birth Dane's mother birthed twin sisters. The sisters would receive little training in the ways of being a Trk’matiu woman, so when Dane was 5 (his sisters 6) they were given to a family friend.

 
His father was a proud warrior (much like Dane), and taught Dane battle skill as soon as he could walk. His family had been a long line of fighters with the Greatsword, not the best for hunting( or very common in his tribe), but an admirable weapon in battle. This Tradition had come to be because of a encounter long ago between Dane’s Great Great Great Grandfathers encounter with Warrior from the south. The reason for the Duel between the two is not remembered, but the results are family legends. Dane’s Great Great Great Grandfather managed to defeat his foe, but realized the weapons wielded by this warrior would batter augment his tribes horseback assaults ( it long blade allowing you to attack from horseback me easily than the tribes short swords).  Ever since then, the men of the family are trained with the Greatsword..  

Soon, Dane approached 12, and was ready for battle. A nearby tribe was challenging for land, and Dane’s tribe was ready for battle. The warriors rode off towards battle at the crack of dawn, only stopped for the night.  The warriors cook around the fire; drinking thick honey mead and ale, and telling stories of glorious victories. After awhile the fire simmered down to embers, and only Dane was awake, or so he thought. He father came out of the darkness carrying a Greatsword. He gave the sword to Dane. It was a magnificent sword, weighted perfectly, and sharp as a wolves tooth. The two said not a word.

His father awaked Dane before the sun had come up. The battle was beginning! Morning mist swirled across the highlands, the dew still fresh on the grass. The two forces clashed in a bloody conflict. Dane charged into battle beside his father upon their quick warhorses. With a war cry the young warrior charged in, he battled hard, and fought with all his might. The warriors of the enemy were larger and stronger, but Dane would not give up. Though he suffered multiple minor injuries, Dane survived, and even managed to slay one of the enemy. The weapon was taken from the corpse, and melted that night in the campfire's coals, and shaped into Danes first Fei’put.

Dane returned with the rest of the war party to great praise, he was now a man. He and his father went to a camp meeting to celebrate the victory. On the way, two men whom Dane’s father had a grudge against (apparently during the battle Dane’s father had stolen one of their kills) attacked the two. Dane had no weapons so he was quickly shoved aside as his father attacked the two men. The battle was heated, Dane’s father managed to kill one, but even his father could not take on two seasoned veterans, and was killed. At first Dane had no idea what he had just witnessed, and as it began to sink-in, his sorrow turned to anger, and his anger turned to hatred. Dane charged in, and in a berserk fury slew the remaining man, and collapsed. He awoke to find him self bound, and sitting in front of Dirg’mystrume. The murders of the two men and his father had been blamed on him and his battle rage, and he was deemed unfit to live among his tribesmen. So he was to be executed. Dane was frantic to think of what to do. Dane soon grew frustrated about his circumstance, and  soon was furious that his kinsmen would think he had killed his own father.

    Dane’s anger grew, and in a climatic peak of anger, he burst up, managing to tear through a weak point in his leg bindings. The tribal counsel was stunned, and he managed to get away. Dane ran, tears now pouring down his cheeks. He found his karvz, grabbed his new sword and Short bow, and ran into the highlands.  

   Dane had little idea of how he was going to take care of himself out in the wilderness. For the first few months, he would sneak into the camp at night, and steal food, but soon sentries were put up to guard the town, and Dane began hunting, something he had only done a few times but quickly became rather adept at it. Dane lived for 5 years in exile. As winter approached in this 6th year of exile, he viewed himself dwelling in the land of the people whom had forsaken him pointlessly, and he traveled south through the woods, and into the Tandala's. Dane attempted to travel through these mountains, but quickly found himself running for his life from a band or Orcs! He managed to escape the mountain with his life, but he suffered a blow to the forehead.

Dane’s next travel attempt would end with slightly better results. Dane planned to sneak into his old camp, and steal one of their boats, and travel south via the ocean. Stealing the boat went smoothly, but Dane had only gone out on the ocean once before, and was not very skilled at "sailing" but managed to get past the mountains before the boat began to sink (as was a pattern with his tribes boats). Dane swam to shore, and continued traveling on foot, though he lost a third of his arrows during his swim.

Occupation : Dane is, simply put, a warrior hunter.  He fends for himself, relying on the wilderness and his own skills to provide him with the sustenance and shelter he requires.  He is low-maintenance, preferring to exist with the bare necessities, viewing extravagant items with disdain.  He has well- honed hunting skills, and is able to track most animals through almost any terrain, his specialty being ice fields and tundra.  He is also a fearsome warrior, succumbing to a rage when blood, his own or another’s, is spilt.  When in this rage, he is oblivious to everything except his sword, ignoring pain and emotion as he cleaves through his enemy.


Weaknesses
Dane is headstrong by nature, and sometimes this stubbornness can get him into less favorable situations.  He does not make or keep friends often, only developing relationships with those he feels worthy of his time and attention.
Physically, Dane is in top condition, though because of his young age, is still not as strong as older warriors.  During battle, he does not calculate attacks or strategize, preferring to attack in a blind rage, relying on brute force and prowess to remove his enemy.  Dane is also somewhat cumbersome and slow, and he has trouble fighting quick opponents who have the ability to dodge his strokes.  Dane also has no experience with magic, and cannot defend against it as well.  He also will not use "mechanical" weapons (ie crossbows, catapults) or (knowingly) use weapons tainted by magic. Though Dane views his battle rage as a strength, it can weaken him, for after combat he will feel drained and tired.

Strengths
Dane grew up a Kuglimz child, and suffered the hardships of the northern lands, so he is very strong physically. Also, he was trained in battle at an early age so he is comfortable with most weapons (especially Greatswords) but his strong suit is offensive fighting, where is strength augments his attack.  In battle, Dane submits to a rage that increases his strength and stamina beyond the means of normal humans or his physical capacity.  Dane also has some skills with daggers and shortbows, and can hunt reasonably well with the two weapons.
Because Dane has had to live out in the wilderness for 6 years he has become very good at hunting and trapping. He is an excellent tracker as well.  In addition, Kuglimaz are famed as excellent horsemen, and Dane is no exception, though he does not travel with a horse most of the time.

Dane is unknowing of most things having to do with high society of the finer things, as well as the dwarfen of elven ways of life.

Possessions
Dane’s main weapon is his Greatsword.( just under 6 fore), an unorthodox weapon for his tribe, but a mighty weapon nonetheless. He also carries a short bow and a quiver of 20 iron-tipped arrows, for he hunts for most of his food. Also, a single Fei’put also dangles from one of his long ratty braids. A canteen made from rabbit skins patched together hang from his belt, and is used to hold water. A hunting knife he crafted from a sharp looking wild horse bone resides in his boots, and is usually his last resort. The winters of the north are harsh, so he has fashioned himself a cape of various pelts, which in the summer he wears as a cape, but the winters he wears like a cloak.

Edited by: dane balazar at: 8/23/03 16:09
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dane balazar
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« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2003, 09:01:22 AM »

sorry about the thing, I triyed to make it bold.

in the end, I will fight untill I draw my final breath
   -Dane

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Eryk Aisean
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« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2003, 09:08:22 AM »

:rolleyes

You need to fix spelling and grammar.  Also, strengths and weaknesses need to be expanded on.

Mind, heart and body cannot be conquered.

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Alýr (Rayne)
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« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2003, 09:10:22 AM »

To steal Atrii's phrase: Welcome to Santharia!

Go to your originally post, click edit, click the "ezcodes" circle, and edit it. That'll get your bold text.

I want you to go read some of the approved character profiles, or even the ones being worked on here. You don't have to read it all, but rather just glance over it. Your profile is very lacking in detail, and I think that the best advice I can give you to avoid having to do a big, long, and arduous critique on this profile, you could gain a lot by simply looking at other character profiles.

I'll take a look at this when some more detail has been added into this profile.

Good luck.

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Bran Stahlfang
Old Warhorse
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Human/Helvet'ine Kuglim


« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2003, 09:31:22 AM »

ooh...you definately need more detail...

and one thing i don´t understand...how can a boy, even if he was a Kuglim, at the age of 12, kill two battle-experienced veterans? that´d be like, that kid from the movie Home Alone would defeat Arnold Schwarzenegger or something...

and you need to be more precise on which Kuglim tribe you are from. Kuglimz'ura is just the main-phrase for two tribes of the Kuglimz, meaning the Plain-people. Meant with that are the Fal'cone and Trk'matiu Kuglimz.

I, for my part, am from the Helvet'ine Kuglimz, them being of the Kuglimz'torik (Home Tribes).

go look here or here to choose your tribe. and watch your spelling, it´s awful...even for Kuglim standards ;)  

Sleep, eat, sleep, fight, eat, fight, eat, sleep.

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dane balazar
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« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2003, 09:13:22 AM »

I added some strengths and weaknesses and also some detail specifying what tribe and baking that up in the history, and also worked on the 12 year old killing two veterans.

also, if I still need more detail , please be a little more specific, I just want to be precise  wiht my changes.

in the end, I will fight untill I draw my final breath
   -Dane

Edited by: dane balazar  at: 8/20/03 1:15
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Bran Stahlfang
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Human/Helvet'ine Kuglim


« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2003, 10:22:22 AM »

...and another thing. there is no way a young boy could rip apart ropes - especially if he is tied with those ropes!!!

Sleep, eat, sleep, fight, eat, fight, eat, sleep.

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dane balazar
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« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2003, 12:27:22 PM »

ok,I made the history a little more believable, and expanded the Strengths and weakness .

in the end, I will fight untill I draw my final breath
   -Dane

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Alýr (Rayne)
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« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2003, 01:17:22 PM »

Given that you are so unwilling to heed my advice of looking at other CDs and then editting your own appropriately, you have immediately gotten off to a bad start. Your ignoring my advice is not going to get you any closer to getting a  title, especially since it will probably be me who will probably decide whether you get one or not.

To prove to you that looking over other profiles will help you in your own, I'm going to copy and paste something I have already written in Ryldor's profile.

Quote:
Occupation, Strengths, and Weaknesses will definitely need to be fleshed out a bit.

Would people ever try to hire your character to get a certain job done? Perhaps for a good reward? What are prices like, if such is the case? How long would it take to get a job done? Are there any sort of theiving assignments your character won't persue under any circumstances, perhaps on the basis of morals and ethics. Add these things and more, if you can, to your occupation.

Weaknesses and Strengths definitely need a bit of work. You should cover your magic, maybe what spells you're especially good at, as well as your magic level (which, shame on you, you should have!). Is there any spell class that he's better at than the rest? Also defenses in magic: how well can he defend against certain spells. Maybe he's especially weak against earth or water. Consider all these things and more.

Physical strengths and weaknesses also need to be included. How strong is he? Maybe he's very weak? or perhaps strong, but not really strong to the point that he's bulky? Things like agility and speed also need to be considered and mentioned. How fast is he? How is his endurance? Is he could at doing things that might classify as gymnastics?

Also mention more on your ability with weapons, both offense and defense. You say he can only use daggers, and not that well, but is there any weapon he can defend against better or worse than the others? Perhaps arrows, throwing daggers, and other projectile weapons are ones he's really unskilled at defending against, or maybe he has more trouble with swords, axes, and other hand-held weapons? Be as specific as you can!

Mental weaknesses also need to be touched on. This might include things like a certain fear that may hinder him or maybe some kind of disorder. Maybe he has a fear of spiders or some other animal that, if used against him. is sure to make him fall. Maybe he has strengths like being able to think fast in tough situations and good judgement even in the most dire of circumstances. Perhaps his personality and character traits are prone to get him easily in or out of a fight.



I suggest that you look at other profiles to better your appearance and personality. If you look at Quesse, for example, you can begin to understand how much more detail I want you to put into this. You don't have to be quite so extennsive, but I expect a lot more than what you have.

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Terra Artemos
Moonblade Warrior
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Human, Sophronian


« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2003, 01:17:22 PM »

Please next time you edit make sure the "ezCoades" are selected beside formating.


'I am grey. All but those like me see only darkness and light, they do not see the grey between them. In this greyness I dwell. I would not wish this fate on any other.'

Terra Artemos Character Description

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dane balazar
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« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2003, 01:26:22 PM »

I am not unwilling to look at finished ones, in fact I have done so, i read Eryk Aisean, and I changed my strengths to be more detailed, as his are, I am sorry if it seemed I am not do as you ask.

in the end, I will fight untill I draw my final breath
   -Dane

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Alýr (Rayne)
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« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2003, 01:29:22 PM »

And yet so little you have added to such sections! Please, read my critique..!

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Radaroc
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« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2003, 02:28:22 PM »

Now I understand that the Kuglimz are large but 7 fore?!  Does anyone else agree that this might be a teensy bit big.  I mean, thats unusually large for people of this day and age.



In the begining I was weak.  Now I have purpose.  Stay me from my path and the Gods themselves cannot save you.


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Alýr (Rayne)
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« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2003, 05:07:22 PM »

I hate when people put things in another form than what they're suppose to put it in... That's 2.33 peds ::has to think back:: Let's see.. 2.33 devided by 0.0254 is 91.732283..., devided by 12 is 7.644..

So we have a character who is about 7 feet 8 inches.

Erm.. I don't think someone did their calculations right...!

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Angron Bloodfist
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Human, Helvet´ine Kuglim


« Reply #14 on: August 20, 2003, 08:45:22 PM »

well, i´m 2.25 peds...actually just a bit above my tribe´s average. but, Dane is from one of the rather shorter tribes, so he´d be quite a bit more above average than me. 2.10 peds should be ok i guess...

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