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Author Topic: #2 Deren Sylblade  (Read 5292 times)
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Deren Sylblade
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« on: August 16, 2003, 04:22:22 AM »

Gender: Male

Age: 36

Race: Human

Tribe: Kasumarii- Korenjaan

Class/Title:Assassin

Appearance

1.7 peds in height. Deren's skin color is that of a full moon on a clear night. His hair is long and platinum colored. It hangs just below his shoulders. His face is not very long and nearly flat. His coal black eyes shine in moonlight. His arms fall down to his thighs. He is of a medium build. He's not too bulky, but not scrawny either. He always has his mouth covered with the collar on his jacket. He wears his sisters shining silver band on his left ring finger.

Personality

Very professional, his "motto" persay, is "whatever has to be done get it done fast". He rarely goes out of his way to talk to people. Quite a shady character. The kind who you would find in a corner in a bar with pint in hand, listening in on everyones conversations in hope to find a job. Though his "motto" seems carefee, he has his own moral restrictions. If someone were to ask him to assasinate a child, he would most likely kill that person instead. He hates lazy people, especially when it comes to raising families and producing a good life. Though he is a very  expensive assasin, and always has quite a bit of money, Deren is always busy. He never just does nothing. Either he is loooking for a job, or is doing a job. Of course, there are some in between cases where he may be doing a little something on his own. For revenge, or maybe just to help someone. He generally  travels by night, and stays in some inn or a tent during the day.

History

Deren, and his twin sister Nala have practiced the arts of the Korenjaan since birth. Deren is the hardy one. Though he is stronger than his sister, he is less agile and less dexterous. He has a noble heart- a protector of the weak if you must. Though this wasn't bad, it passed as odd to the rest of his family.

His father always held him in higher regard then Nala. He believed him to be the best male in the tribe. He often would go hunting alone with him, and train him as hard as he could. His mother, a Greendeath, stuck to Nala's training. Nala and Deren were very close, despite the acts of favoritism shown by their parents. They often hunted together, bet on who would take home the bigger prize.

At 25, he and his sister  participated in the tournament for government, and both lost. They both did well. Soon after the tournament, the master of the six orders contacted Nala. She was chosen to be trained by him for the nigtson sect. Deren was proud of his sister, yet he worried of himself.

Why wasn't I picked? I'm just as good as Nala. Maybe this was a mistake. I'll probably be notified soon.

Unfortunately, he wasn't. This thre him in a state of near fury and shame. He knew only the best were accepted into the Nightson clan, and if Nala was chosen, he certainly should have been. His father, tried to calm him, but it ended up making things worst.

Why, - why me? I'm the first in twelve generations not to be accepted- Why? I've bought shame upon my family name.

No you haven't son. Calm Down. You have not hurt our family name. Only the very best can become nigtsons, you know that. You are an excellent warrior son, but you just didn't make it.

What? That's supposed to make me feel better? You're not good enough, live with it?  Well then, if i'm not good enough  
then I'll become better than all of you. All of you!


With that, he  with his things ran off, and no one bothered to follow him but Nala. She said nothing, but put a ring on his finger and kissed him on the cheek. She then slipped of into the snow.

He took a ship to Carabrand, he stayed there about one year and made money doing odd jobs and "dirty" work for people.From there he proceeded to Carmalad. He disliked the vessel, but he did not want to waste money on a high class vessel. In Carmalad, he began to train himself and master his skills as a Kasumarii Warrior. Though he did not quite master his skills yet, he got bored with Enthronia and headed west to make a living, and a name for himself.  

Occupation: Mercenary

Weaknesses: He has a tendency to bake in the sunlight, even when its not very hot out, do to the cold climate he was accustomed too. If attacked with a projectile weapon, he will probably not be able to stop it. Though his instincts and reflexes are good, he isn't able to sense things flying at him from nohwhere. Though his hearing is good, it is not very reliable, and his ears often betray him. Deren is not a very good climber, making it hard to get into trees and up steep hills if he needs to.

Strengths: He adapts well to the dark. His vision adjusts slightly quicker than the average human. His vision is still limited, just enough to make out the shape of something. If he can't see something, he can hear it moving, but his hearing is not very reliable. He is good at sneaking around, hiding in shadows and being very quiet while moving around. His weapon of choice is the moonblade. He is also proficient with throwing knives and stars.

Possessions

Normal Possesions

A silver ring that once belonged to his sister.

A Dyed Black Backpack, in which he carries provisions, his cloak, and any weapons besides the traditional Moonblade and Nighteeth.

Armament

A Moonblade

15 Nightooths- Four conveniantly stored in his hair, two on each arm and leg, and four on little concealed hoops in his jacket.  They are retrieved, if possible after every use..

Clothing

A long black jacket with a large collar that covers his mouth. Beneath this, he generally wears dark colored, lightweight clothing.

A black cloak for nighttime camoflauge.

Wooden Sandals  

Edited by: Mina Aylwin at: 9/9/03 23:23
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Eryk Aisean
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« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2003, 07:34:22 AM »

Just a quick question...I know you said it was incomplete, but I just wanted to know if any section is done.

Mind, heart and body cannot be conquered.

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Deren Sylblade
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« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2003, 11:54:22 AM »

No- nothings Done Yet...

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Mina
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« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2003, 01:22:22 PM »

Welcome to Santharia.  First of all...you spelled Korenjaan wrongly.  Also, I think you forgot to enable ezCodes.  


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Atrii Redwood
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« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2003, 03:27:22 PM »

Well, looking good so far. The format looks alright to me, so their shouldn't be any problems with that. I'll just wait for it to be more complete then we can comment on the content.


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Mina
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« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2003, 11:08:22 PM »

I don't know if it's done yet, but your history seems somewhat lacking in detail to me.  Perhaps you could write more aobut his youth?  Also, I think it's not likely that the Kar'ii wear dark coloured clothing, since their camoflage is described as being pure white most of the time.  


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Deren Sylblade
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« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2003, 07:59:22 AM »

Thanx.
No, Im not qiote finished the history yet- I'm havin a hard time developing his past because the Kasumarii do so much training and stuff. And he's left guldor- theres no need for wearing white camoflauge anymore.

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Atrii Redwood
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« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2003, 08:40:22 AM »

Fixed your ezcodes problem. Make sure that you select ezcodes in the formatting section of your post so you don't run into this problem again.

It's looking good though, when you are finished I don't think you will have a hard time getting it approved.:)  


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Deren Sylblade
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« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2003, 08:41:22 PM »

Ohhh... Thanx.

The history is now officially a problem, The rest of the stuff is pretty much done, but I dont think the history is quite long enough. There is not really much on Kasumarii culture, so I couldn't fathom what would be going on during his childhood besides him moving around Guldor and training. Is there a Kasumarii espert here? It seems like Dasson, but Om not sure  

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Alýr (Rayne)
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« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2003, 01:52:22 PM »

I'm assuming that you've read both the Kasumarii entry and the Fighting Styles Entry?

I know the entry is a bit vague. Dasson prides himself a bit as having the longest tribe entry, but its only because of the sects. Much of the information is a bit vague. Hopefully sometime he'll split up the entry based on sect and do individual entries on each.

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Chronusian
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« Reply #10 on: August 22, 2003, 07:21:22 PM »

Well yes....

I have read both those entries. But I wouldnt say they are vague. More like incomplete. (please tell me if you take offense- I turn into a grade A jerk sometimes). It is the most detailed Tribal entry I've read by what it has, but its missing the cultural part of the entry.

And what does my History need besides his childhood?

When you look past all the evil
The scorn and hate of the world
You see a hero, the light
Only in the end will that light shine

Edited by: Chronusian at: 8/22/03 11:22
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Alýr (Rayne)
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« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2003, 02:24:22 AM »

So this is your character, Chronusian? I see! How marvelous..!

Maybe more on hoe your character got along with his family, more on your parents and how they treated their children, more on the personality of Nala and your character's relationship to her. Perhaps more when it comes to friendships your characters had, hobbits yoru character took up, or things he liked to do except just fighting. More on how he got to Cyhalloi to Santharia. Your character is also fairly old. How old was he when he left Cyahalloi? What happened in all these years following his departure?

Appearance definitely need more. Details, my friend, details! Maye you can describe the shape of his jaw or the size of his nose or forehead. Is his body toned or very lithe? Does he have any scars or piercings? Details, detaisl!

The entry isn't vague? It doesn't even specify eye color.

Put in more details about clothing: about maybe how tight they are, if they are long or short sleevs, the style and length of his pants. DOes he wear no shoes? If he wears any jewelry, this should be mentioned. This ring of Nala's, does he wear it or merely keep it?

Look around at the profiles of others to get an idea of other things to add into your profile.

You should menion how your character carries his possessions, and maybe menion if he carries any money or food.

Some things to work on.

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Radaroc
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« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2003, 05:23:22 AM »

Black eyes don't exist, dark brown sure but not black.  His hair is very unorthodox because of it's length, why does he keep it this way?   By Av' how does he keep 15 daggers hidden in his hair?  All that and what Rayne said.  Get it? Got it? Good.



In the begining I was weak.  Now I have purpose.  Stay me from my path and the Gods themselves cannot save you.


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Mina
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« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2003, 05:46:22 AM »

I agree.  It's hard to hide 15 daggers in your hair when it reaches just below your shoulders, even if they are small throwing daggers.  I won't worry too much about black eyes though.  There's not much difference between very dark brown and black.  


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Xarl
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« Reply #14 on: August 24, 2003, 02:29:22 PM »

Dasson doesn't have the longest tribes entry. Dasson built off of what might have been the longest tribes entry.
*shoves ego out of the way*

And Nighteeth aren't little hairpin-like things. Nighteeth are about three inches long and one inch wide. Two, maybe even four in the hair... believable. The rest scattered around his body, also believable. 15 in his hair? Guy'd clank whenever he shook his head.

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