Acheron, Blood Moon Assassin

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1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD.	4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD.	5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title.	6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.

[Acheron]

Name:...........Acheron
Age:.............137
Height:..........1.7 Peds
Weight:.........1.3 Pygees
Race: .......... Maelf (Human/Elf half-breed)
Tribe:............Kasumarii / Co’orhem
Eyes: ............Sapphiric Blue
Hair: ............. Long, black
Skin: .............Pale brown
Occupation:....Explorer
Title:.............The Blood Moon Assassin





History:
I was conceived by rape. My father was a mystery all my mom said was that that he was a Kasumarii Male. After my birth my mom had simply found a random Kayrrem family who wanted a baby and gave me to them. She told them of my conceiving being a mistake and how she did not want me, and how she could not bear to take my life. After being brought up by that loving couple, they told me how I was not their real child and how I came to them. I decided that I would rather be brought by strangers than by someone who didn't want me. As I grew I developed a dark attitde. After I became of age, I was kicked because I killed the family dog. What can I say, I was bored. The wierd thing was that I had fun doing it. On my travels I  encountered an old man who I could've sworn I knew but did not approach him. After finishing a small expedition to my mother's homeland of Nybelmar, but didn't even encounter one of the Co'orhem cities. After which I returned to the land where I saw that man, the continent of Cyhalloi. When I got there I found that he had died of shock. I made inquiries with the local residents, and found that he was shocked to see some boy that he swore he knew just as I swore I knew him. I knew at that moment that I was his son conceived by rape. Since I was his son I allowed myself into his home which was quite nice since he was a rather accomplished assassin in his day. There in his home I found the Moons of Co'or and the Frore Arbitraitor (refer to weapon des. for Moons ; refer to belongings for Arbitraitor). I decided to take the weapons and did. I continued my journies using these weapons and still use them to this day.

Appearance:

Clothes-
I wear black robes with a silver lining. The whole thing is made of silk.

Physical-
As a boy living in the forest I had to learn to use the bow for hunting. As a result I developed a muscular, yet slim body. My most unique feature is the scar I acquired while hunting a white stag. I had been trailing the deer for three days when I had encountered the beast. At first I had thought it was just a regular doe, but it was actually a white bull stag. The moment it caught my scent it came charging toward me and its antlers slashed me. The scar began on my left side, under the rib cage, and traveled all the way to the top of my right shoulder. That is the only and most unique feature of my appearance.

Personality:
I have a very pessimistic attitude with a crude humor to boot. Although it may seem I'm evil by appearance and personality, I really just try to help others.

Strengths:
Great with using my double-sided moonblade. Excellent with archery skills.

Weaknesses:
The speed of my enemy is the weakness of me. After learning how to use my double-sided moonblade by the Kasumarii, who had considered me one of them, although a wierd one, I practiced my archery abilities. A passerby saw my talent and decided to help me with that. Eventually he helped me until i excelled past most of his abilities.


Familiars:
An outcast by his own kind, Fenrir abandoned to the Celeste Mountains, near the town of Naurooth. I first encounter him when I had stopped at Naurooth to restock on provisions, arrows, and to sharpen my blade. I had stopped at the Inn around dusk and was there for about and hour or two. The whole time I had noticed how I was one of the only ones. Save for two groggy merchants, there was no one there. No residents, not even the local drunk, which I found odd. When eventually I retired to my room, I layed on the bed waiting for sleep to overtake me. The moment I heard that eerie howling I jumped up and ran to the window search for the source. There on a hilltop I saw it. The silver warg continued it's howl for what felt like an eternity. The whole time I was listening, I admired it. That stellar coat, that intimidating stature, the calm, yet ferocious howl. Everything about was as close to perfect as gets. The moment its howl ended my heart fell. As I returned to my bed I made the decision to befriend the magnificent creature. The next day I saddled a horse with all the possesions I had. I rode up to the Celeste Mtns. I noticed how hot it was and that the warg would never inhabit a place that opposed all of it's features. It's coat was designed to keep it warm, so it would live in a cold place. Once over the dangerous mountain tops, I saw the dark forest in the west. I knew at once that this was the place an exiled warg would live in. The whole I searched and searched for the creature, but to no avail. At last I decided to spend the night in Eldorin, the nearest town. As I walked back to my horse I found it gone, in it's place nothing but exactly three drops of blood. I cursed out loud. I was forced to walk all the way to the town. As I trudged up to the town gates, I heard a faint trot behind me. I whisked around Moons inhand. There was the behemoth and all three pygees of it. It stood 1.3 peds tall by 2.4 peds long, from snout to tail. On it's back was my saddle. I marveled at its intelligence and how it managed to get the burdening thing on. I named the beast Fenrir and it became my mount, familiar, and best friend on my journies. My silver warg, Fenrir, is a possible descendant of Vackra. It is not official yet, because I am not quite sure if the Administrators will allow it.

Belongings:
My belongings are my clothes and my inheritance, which is all from my father's side. The Moons of Co'or is a double-sided moonblade. A unique double-sided moonblade, the Moons of Co'or is a blade I knew little of. The blades themselves are bloodred. My theory is that they are bloodred because of the blood of the enemies of my father, who killed for a living. Black steel handguards are accompanied with a silver-steel metal mix hilt. 1 ruby as bloodred as the blades are encrusted in each of the handguards. It was the inheritance from my now dead father, who was an assassin. The Moons of Co'or is my primary weapon. The Frore Arbitraitor is a longbow that is a deep-shade of teal. The string has been dyed a deep black that is as dark as midnight. It is my ranged weapon if I am to far to attack using the Moons of Co'or.

[Drasil Razorfang]

The fenrir never got approved...Therefore they don't exist and cannot be played.  Also, I believe that avatar is already in use.

[Acheron]

the avatar i just found and thught it might not have been used but i guess it was... the Fenrir isn't a creature if you read thoroughly, its a large warg that i named Fenrir because of it's large appearance, although still smaller than Vackra the Black... my thoughts were that i could put him as a supposed descendant of her though... if not than i'll just erase the "Supposed descendant of Vackra" part if you won't allow it...
 

[Mina]

Your sig is too large, BTW.  We only allow up to 350x70 pixels here. 

[Acheron]

ok i think i covered all the prerequists... so if i'm missing stuff please inform me...

[Niccoli Faust]

is it possible that a kar'ii and a co'orhem would interbreed? Mutual possible hatred asside Kasumarii come from cylahoi, which is all the way over in the north east of the map. The co'orhem are in the EXACT opposite direcetion, all the way to the south west in nybelmar.

[Acheron]

oh crud...apparently i did miss something.. HISTORY!!! Well i'll post that after im done writing this reply... which i am done... thx for pointing our my history...

[Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels]

Sorry, but that is not allowed currently:

"Strengths:
My forte is magic. More specifically summoning magic. My greatest summon is the evocation and commanding of a Chasm Demon. For other kinds of spells, such as Fire and Water Magic, I could probably only use the Injeran and Frost Touches."
No demons summoning. Apart from that, this ability would overpower you quite a bit.

[lukecash]

That's just amazazing, U know that?(I spelled amazing wrong on purpose, no I don't have any mental problems, well.... not that I know of)

[Acheron]

ok i changed it i have to think of something new then...

[Acheron]

Ok please inform me if this a  or if it is a  .
Is there anything that needs to be changed???

[Kain Cristar]

Heed my words, as they are spoken with prowess and much ego. They are also blue

Name:...........Acheron
Age:.............137
Height:..........1.7 Peds
Weight:.........1.3 Pygees
Race: .......... Maelf
Tribe:............Kasumarii / Co’orhem  can they even interbreed
Eyes: ............Amethyst I'm fairly sure that this is not possible
Hair: ............. Long, black
Skin: .............Pale brown
Occupation:....Explorer
Title:.............Pariah of Coór

Weapon:.......Moons of Coór What are these exactly?
Mount/Familiar:Fenrir



Weapon Description:
Unique double-sided moonblade. Blades themselves are bloodred.
Black steel handle with silver hilt. Rubies encrusted in hilt. Inheritance
from father, who was an assassin. Full sentences would be nice. Put things in the same order as the CD making page describes. How does it have such a colored blade? The hild is the handle. I am assuming you mean the handgaurd.

Mount Description:
Silver warg. 1.8 peds high. 2.7 peds long. Supposed descendant of
Vackra. Too large, even for a warg from Vackra's bloodline. I have no problem with your character assuming that she is of such line.

History:
My parents, although from different continents, are a Kasumarii male and a Co'orhem female. Both were assassins so they weren't very friendly, but somehow they met and fell in a deep deep love. My mother was on the Island of Denilou when she met my father. They were both there simply for some vacation time when they met and started to become companions. After a while they had me. Both of them died in a brutal attack on a village. I was unseen by the horrible suspects and left to die if not for the surviving villagers had saved and raised me. I wait for the day i can avenge my parents. Much more is required of a history. I suggest reading up on a few approved histories, especially those of the higher ups. You need to describe you you came to be an assassin, and a prophet of Coor. Why do you call yourself an explorer? Describing how your parents came to bear a child should have more text than this history. It is extremely unlikely that they would find love together. I would say rape would fit better.

Appearance:

Clothes-
I wear black robes with a silver lining. The whole thing is made of silk.

Physical-
Muscular appearance, but not like a body-builder or something. Probably something like a runner or swimmer. Another thing about me is a scar acquired while hunting. The scar starts below my left ribs and traverses diagonally to the top of my right shoulder. I would like alot more than this. Look at some of the approved CD's for a hint. There are a few with great description sections. I want to see your character after reading this.

Personality:
I have a very pessimistic attitude with a crude humor to boot. Although it may seem I'm evil by appearance and personality, I really just try to help others. How are you a prophet of Coor then? Helping people is not at all Coor like.

Strengths:
Great with using my double-sided moonblade. Adequate with archery skills.

Weaknesses:
My weakness is speed. My blade, the Moons of Coor, is a very heavy weapon. While I may be twirling my double-sided moonblade, I may already be dead if not helped by my vicious warg, Fenrir. How did you learn to use such a complicated weapon? Besides, this is not a weakness, though the warg is a strength.


Familiars:
My silver warg, Fenrir, is a possible descendant of Vackra. It is not official yet, because I am not quite sure if the Administrators will allow it. Give us much more depth. Also the mount descriptoin should be done away with, as this section should have all the information you will need once you fill it out.

Belongings:
My inheritance from my father's side, the Moons of Coor. My inheritance from my mothers side, is the Arbitrator of Frore, a bow completely out of wood supposedly enchanted by Ghelgath Enchanted weapons are basically not allowed. The wood of the bow is turquoise blue with gold root-like spirals. It is the size of a longbow, 2 peds longs. The string is dyed a midnight-black. Every time an arrow is discharged using this bow it is morphed into a shaft of ice that, on impact, bursts sending many shrapnel pieces into every direction. There are thousands of reasons as to why this bow is not going to fly.

To answer your question, at this point this CD is not going to pass. It needs to fit into santharia and it needs alot more depth. You should read over some completed CD's of good quality to get an idea of what is required, Look for ones with complex, powerful, and esoteric references like yours, there are a few. I think they banned artifacts, though Kain Cristar has an artifact sword. Reading that entry might give you a hint as to what is required for those kinds of tools. Balance is also a big issue, but you need to solidify your strengths and weaknesses before we can go over that. You need to answer some questions.

1. Prophet of Coor. How, Why, and When. You are going to need to do some research, to understand the whole pantheon of the elves.

2. Parents. That has already been gone over. You need a better reason for these two to mate and keep a child.

3. Skills. History needs to include how you learned to use your weapons.

4. Bow. Needs to become a regular longbow, though it can still look very interesting, it cannot have the powers you described above.

5. Warg. How is it that you came across a Warg, and why is it that the beast didn't tear your throat out. At this point I don't even know if the thing is male or female, let alone personality traits. R'vahr has a familiar section that I am quite proud of. Wargs are pack animals, how did you get this one out of its pack?

6. Moonblade. Why is it the way it is. One does not simply change the color of a weapon to bloodred. Though once I actually write up my soulbane entry... nevermind.

7. Depth. I need to see, hear, feel this character. I need to look into his mind, see his thoughts, and be satiated.

Needless to say, you have allot of work to do, but said would could forge a very cool character.

[Acheron]

"I need to see, hear, feel this character. I need to look into his mind, see his thoughts, and be satiated."

DON'T EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehehe ok i hear wat ur sayin. First off Fenrir is a male Warg, not a she that's why he's so small compared to Vackra who is like 2x3 peds long. I used to have it in a story form but the stupid thing i'm supposed to call a computer crashed on me. I'll read over the comments and change it to a description that is satifactory to your eager appetite for good Characters.

Again, PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lukecash]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UUUUUUUUUUUrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My spleen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Choking on spit, orc just got done drinking booze, and guess what?
Heartburn...

[Acheron]

Ok first of all dude get out i only want comments and suggestions.
Second of all i had to stop while i was editin my history so Kain please go over what i had finished and tell me if i need more.
Third of all i feel this need to thank you Kain. so thx.

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