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Author Topic: Arin Woodwealth / Centoraurian / Healer  (Read 6587 times)
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Arin Woodwealth
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« Reply #15 on: February 06, 2007, 05:45:16 AM »

Wow, thanks for pointing all of that out, I really do have to stop capitalising in the middle of sentences. I'll run through at some point tonight and correct any mistakes that've been outlined in your Check.
Again thanks for the check. Oh and with the Old English mixed in with modern English, it's how I speak in real life, so I type that way. I'll soon get used to this sort of "Serious" RP, then I should slip right into character rather than still me.

Thanks once again  :)
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Kelancey the Green
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« Reply #16 on: February 08, 2007, 03:29:41 AM »

Hi Arin!  :D

  I see you're still at work, so forgive me for jumping the gun.  Something I read over struck me as, well, questionable:

"Personality:
Arin cares greatly about others....The only time he will allow something to die, is for the greater amount of lives. For an example, he will allow a man to die, should it save three or four men's lives. But these cases are rare, and Arin seeks to only disarm an enemy, rather than kill."
  Whoa, that's way not how a healer thinks.  A typical healer will save *EVERYONE* they can, unless they or someone they care about is attacked.  If killing one person would save fifty, then a healer would either find some other way to save those fifty, or comfort them before their demise.  He or she would be very unlikely to sacrifice even one person, no matter how many they'd be saving.
  The only exception I can imagine would be triage, or distribution of scant resources:  If one vial of medicine could save 10 minorly ill people or one almost dead person, a healer might in that instance try to save the 10 minorly ill people.  Sometimes you can't save everyone, but you shouldn't end their life (intentionally avoiding the morass about physician-assisted suicide and that sticky wick).
  Primum non nocere--first, do no harm, right?
 
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Kelancey the Green
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« Reply #17 on: February 08, 2007, 03:37:04 AM »

  Just after writing my last comment I reread what you wrote, which says almost exactly what I was suggesting it should read.  Er, um, oops!  Sorry.
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Kelancey the Green
Arin Woodwealth
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« Reply #18 on: February 08, 2007, 03:42:04 AM »

Ah, I've worded that wrong...I mean that he will only "allow" something to die and not be angry at the person who killed the thing. As a White Nehtorian he would never kill something, but should allowing one to die, as you said in your example of the 10 ill and the 1 dying, save more, he would help the majority, but still try to heal the last or remove pain.

Edit: You've posted back while I was writing it. Well this post serves no purpose now  :)
« Last Edit: February 08, 2007, 03:43:22 AM by Arin Woodwealth » Logged

Kelancey the Green
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« Reply #19 on: February 08, 2007, 06:52:27 AM »

  By Nehtor, Eyasha, and Seyella, I greet thee, fellow Dalorin Woodwealth.  Please be not offended by my comments in green.

"Name: Arin Woodwealth
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Tribe: Centoraurian
Age: 23 Years"
(23 is kinda young for a White Nehtorian, even a journeyman.  I might suggest advancing his age a bit, say 26 to 30.)

"Eye Color: Deep Blue
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Height: 1 ped, 2 fores and a Palmspan
Weight: Around a Pygge and 5 Hebs"

(Sections moved to facilitate commenting.)
"Occupation: Healer
Title: White Nehtorian

Overview:
Arin is a healer, closing wounds, bandaging those who need it, and generally helping all who need him. He travels from place to place on his Centoraurian horse, Swifthoof. He is one of the White Nehtorians, though he normally travels alone, preventing death where possible.

Physical Appearance:
Arin has deep blue eyes beneath dark brown hair in a slightly tanned face. His hair falls down to the back of his neck, but is short on top and sides. His is honest, with a small scar above the left side of his lips, caused by falling onto the corner of a table when he was young. His eyes seem to flicker (how about "flick"?) around, searching everywhere, keen to take in everything. His nose has obviously been broken at some point.

His arms are pale, though his wrists and hands are darker and tanned. Arin's body is a medium build, and although he is healthy, he isn't particularly strong. He is around the average height for a Centoraurian.[period]  Upon Swifthoof he looks lordly [comma omitted] and battleworn, though off of his majestic mount [comma omitted] he loses a lot of the effect and becomes a broken nosed young man with distrusting eyes."
Forgive my ignorance.  I thought honest usually referred to someone's character, as in, "trustworthy, speaks the truth".

Clothes:
Arin favours a white robe, splattered with the occasional bloodstain.[period]  Whilst mounted upon Swifthoof, he dons some leather riding gloves and dark leather boots are worn also.  This white robe signifies he is a White Nehtorian.  Pockets are sown into random places all over the robe, some deep and narrow, some wider, all for medical tools, herb boxes, and vials of restorative liquid.

Personality:
Arin cares greatly about others, and that is the reason he became a healer. He will go out of his way to help others and, so long as he respects them, will risk his life for them. He travels regularly, never setting down in one place for too long. He will be extremely angered by the death of any creature, and does not eat meat. The only time he will allow something to die [comma omitted] is for the greater amount of lives. For an example, he will allow a man to die, should it save three or four men's lives.
One concise way to phrase this might be, "He will only relinquish his efforts if he sees that his labor is futile, or if he perceives that several others who are not so gravely afflicted need his attention urgently."
But these cases are rare, and Arin seeks to only disarm an enemy, rather than kill.
He doesn't fight at all, does he?

He prays regularly to his God, before a healing [comma omitted] and every night. He will pray at daybreak throughout Molten Ice, Nehtor's Month. In every prayer he will recite one of the verses of "O Azure God". Arin is grateful for all he has, which amounts to little. Should he be challenged, he will try to placate his adversary with words to avoid a fight.
You've familiarized yourself well with the calendar and the Nehtorians, very good!

When overcome with anger or shock, Arin stutters and shakes, making him a liability to his patient rather than a healer.
I could be wrong, but I believe the word "patient" wasn't used to describe people seeking a healer in medieval times.  Would you consider "his ward", "his ailing person", or simply "to one seeking his care"?

Strengths and Weaknesses: (not needed twice)
Strengths:
Healer: Arin is a healer by profession, and can close wounds well, save people's lives and generally help patients. He is skilled but not a master of his art yet.

Healthy: Arin has studied the body for many years, and has applied this knowledge to himself, keeping his body healthy and raising his constitution against disease.

Adaptable: Arin is fairly adaptable, and can pick up rudimentary knowledge of a new skill quickly.

Weaknesses:
Weak: Whilst good at repelling diseases, his constitution isn't particularly good. He wounds easily and repairs slowly, meaning a bad cut could leave him out of action for a while.
Wait, earlier you stated that he has a hale constitution.  These seem to conflict, unless you mean that he is weak as in lacking strength to heft or carry weight.

No Armour: A minor weakness at best, his cloth robes offer little resistance against blade or blunt weapons alike.
(This isn't a weakness per se, since most people of Santharia don't use armor.)

Shakes/Stutters: When overcome with anger or shock, Arin stutters and shakes, making him a liability to his patient rather than a healer.
(Okay, this is a feasible weakness.)

(I think these are currently unbalanced, I'm not sure of how to balance them out right now)
Yep, I agree.  I think they're unbalanced as well.  Some suggestions might be his reaction to someone killing another person, pacifism/utter aversion to violence, or his poverty.

History:
Arin was born on the Aurora Plains, the son of a Cleric, giving him an insight into healing. His adult brother bred horses, and this is how he acquired Swifthoof at age 7, when she was a foal. He never went to school, but was taught basic math, reading and writing and how to read and write at home, by his mother.
The ability to read and write is rare in Santharia.  How did his mother acquire this knowledge?

At the age of 9 he went to the Temple of Nehtor in Milkengrad, and became an apprentice to the Nehtorians there, learning how to heal and to soothe pains. Basic herbology was also taught, allowing salves and such to be created by Arin. Arin lived and learned here until he was 17, when he met a White Nehtorian by the name of Jadin.

Jadin quickly befriended Arin, and taught him the ways of the White Nehtorians. Soon Arin wished to become one and set off on a journey to Nyermersys, looking to spread faith of Nehtor and heal those who are hurt.
Whoa, hey, medicine isn't so quickly learned!  Remember, practitioners of medicine also had to study astrology, numerology, religion, and philosophy during their journeyman years.

By this time Swifthoof had grown to a full size horse, and was loved by her master dearly. They stayed in Nyermersys for a year, before setting off around Santharia, staying in Inns, healing as they went. Eventually they ended up in Doovens. Here they joined a band of Nehtorians, travelling to Voldar. It took them 3 years to complete their journey, as they made slow progress, but when they got there they were greeted into the temple, but Arin felt he couldn't stay in one place, and left within a week, returning to Nyermersys. It had been 5 years since he had last seen the city, and Arin was now 23. There he remains to this day, healing those and staying at the temple.

Weapons: Weapons kill people, killing is an act against Nehtor. None.

Belongings: His clothes, a saddlebag to carry his money and bandages, and a medical case, in which are herbs, bandages, tools, and several books explaining procedures of healing.
Likely he'd carry most of his medical knowledge in his head.  A field guide in recognizing herbs could be handy, though.

Familiars: His Centoraurian horse, Swifthoof. Swifthoof is snowy white, with a great brown mane rearing from her head. She carries Arin everywhere, and his possessions are guarded in her saddlebag.

Very nice, muy bien!  I congratulate you on a solid start.  I wish you luck in your revision, and may Nehtor guide your hands in healing, Arin!
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"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."  --Master Yoda
Kelancey the Green
Arin Woodwealth
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« Reply #20 on: February 09, 2007, 02:17:56 AM »

I've accomodated a lot of the changes you suggested. For the weakness "Weak" I mean that should Arin be slashed with a sword, he'll take longer than if another average person would to heal. He'd just do a quick bandage to stop bleeding then set to help any other injured men, women or creatures.
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« Reply #21 on: February 09, 2007, 03:08:27 AM »

  Your CD is looking better, if you'll forgive my immodesty.  There's one instance where you left in the word "patient", I'd suggest changing that to "ward" again.
  The only other contribution I'd have at this point would be to consider buffing up your History with more minor details of his life story.  Can you narrate a particular scene with Jadin, where he was captivated with Jadin's methods?  Could you illustrate his interaction with his mother a little more?  Maybe portray an instance where he was healing someone in Nyermersys.
  These are all just optional filler to possibly add more zest to your character.  He's looking solid, in my opinion.  Good luck!
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Kelancey the Green
Arin Woodwealth
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« Reply #22 on: February 09, 2007, 03:44:20 AM »

Updated again, and awaiting a Uri-Check from a different person now, I seem to have exhausted Kelancey  grin
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #23 on: February 09, 2007, 08:06:14 AM »

 "?"   3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title.

The posticon which you changed it to doesn't mean what you think it does. The only ones you need to worry about are the pencil and exclamation point ^.~
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« Reply #24 on: February 09, 2007, 07:21:33 PM »

OK, lets see what we can come up with, shall we? Suggestions/comments in blue

Name: Arin Woodwealth
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Tribe: Centoraurian
Age: 26 Years
Occupation: Healer
Title: White Nehtorian

Eye Color: Deep Blue
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Height: 1 ped, 2 fores and a palmspan
Weight: Around a pygge and 5 hebs

Overview:

Arin is a healer. Closing wounds, bandaging those who need it, and generally helping all who need him. He travels from place to place on his Centoraurian horse, Swifthoof. He is one of the White Nehtorians, though he normally travels alone, preventing death where possible.

Physical Appearance:

Arin has deep blue eyes beneath dark brown hair in a slightly tanned face. His hair falls down to the back of his neck, but is short on top and sides. His face is spoiled with a small scar above the left side of his lips, caused by falling onto the corner of a table when he was young. His eyes seem to flick around, searching everywhere, keen to take in everything. His nose has obviously been broken at some point.

His arms are pale, though his wrists and hands are darker and tanned. Arin's body is a medium build, and although he is healthy, he isn't particularly strong. He is around the average height for a Centoraurian. Upon Swifthoof he looks lordly and battle-worn, though off of his majestic mount he loses a lot of the effect and becomes a broken nosed young man with distrusting eyes.

Clothes:

Arin favors a white robe, splattered with the occasional bloodstain, and some leather riding gloves whilst mounted upon Swifthoof. Does he also wear his white robe while mounted? That doesn't seem very comfortable. Dark Leather boots are worn also. This white robe signifies he is a White Nehtorian. Pockets are sown into random places all over the robe, some deep and narrow, some wider, all for medical tools, herb boxes, and vials of restorative liquid.

Personality:

Arin cares greatly about others, and that is the reason he became a healer. He will go out of his way to help others and, so long as he respects them, will risk his life for them. This seems a bit... dramatic, if that's the right word. In what way would he risk his life? And just because he respects people? You can respect your enemy, as well, without actually liking him or risking your life for him. He travels regularly, never settling down in one place for too long. He will be extremely angered by the death of any creature, and does not eat meat. The only time he will allow something to die, is for the greater amount of lives. For an example, he will allow a man to die, should it save three or four men's lives. But these cases are rare, and Arin will always try to save all those needing his aid.

He prays regularly to his God, before a healing, and every night. He will pray at daybreak throughout Molten Ice, Nehtor's Month. In every prayer he will recite one of the verses of "O Azure God". Arin is grateful for all he has, which amounts to little. Should he be challenged, he will try to placate his enemy with words to avoid a fight.

When overcome with anger or shock, Arin stutters and shakes, making him a liability to his ward rather than a healer.

Strengths:

Healer: Arin is a healer by profession, and can close wounds well, save people's lives and generally help patients. He is skilled but not a master of his art yet.

Healthy: Arin has studied the body for many years, and has applied this knowledge to himself, keeping his body healthy and raising his constitution against disease. He is though still weak against cuts and physical damage.

Adaptable: Arin is fairly adaptable, and can pick up rudimentary knowledge of a new skill quickly.


Weaknesses:

Weak*: Whilst good at repelling diseases, his constitution isn't particularly good. He wounds easily and repairs slowly, meaning a bad cut could leave him out of action for a while. Perhaps you could say 'He wounds more easily and heals more slowly than others', so that you don't need the explanation at the bottom. Also, does he easily break bones, for example?

Adversity to killing: Killing is a violation of Nehtor, and so Arin is totally averse to it. He hates it when someone does kill something or someone else, but is angered even more should the killing be needless. He will sulk for days praying for the soul, or become very () angry at the person. This changes depending on the killing and the person who and reason they did it.                                               

Shakes/Stutters: When overcome with anger or shock, Arin stutters and shakes, making him a liability to his ward rather than a healer.


History:

Arin was born on the Aurora Plains, the son of a Cleric a cleric of which god? , giving him an insight into healing. His adult brother bred horses, and this is how he acquired Swifthoof at age 7, when she was a foal. He never went to school, but was taught basic math, reading and writing at home, by his mother. His mother knew such things because she had been the friend of a learned man.

At the age of 9 he went to the Temple of Nehtor in Milkengrad, and became a apprentice to the Nehtorians there, learning how to heal and to soothe pains. He expanded on the reading and writing his mother had taught him, and learned astronomy, philosophy, about Nehtor and the other Gods and Numerology while he was here. Basic herbalism was also taught, allowing certain? salves and such to be created by Arin. Basic herbology is a strength. Arin lived and learned here until he was 21, when he met a White Nehtorian by the name of Jadin.

Arin first saw Jadin on the corner of two streets near the temple. A man had been pushed down by a thief, who had stolen the contents of his left pocket moments before. He had broken a leg and was dazed by the attack. Arin had ran to help this man in need, but was beaten by Jadin, who quickly set the bone back to position,  gave the man a 4 Miyu Beans to relieve his pain, and had several men who were watching take the poor man home to rest. That's not how a broken bone is healed, I'm afraid. You can set an arm back to position when it's been wrenched out of its socket, but a broken bone needs to be put in splints and bandaged. If you want the man to go home so quickly, you could say that he tried to grab the thief, who wrenched himself loose, thus pulling the man's arm out of its socket. Then he will heal with just some rest, a broken bone won't.

Arin waited until the crowd had cleared before approaching Jadin, and after exchanging names and an introduction, they began to talk. They went to the temple to pray for the man, and soon were good friends. Arin was inquisitive into the ways of the White Nehtorians, for Jadin was such a man, and was taught about them by Jadin. he was mesmerized by these stories, about saving men's lives, seeing the world by working as a traveling healer, and meeting men of similar interests.

Soon Arin wished to become a white Nehtorian and set off on a journey to Nyermersys, looking to spread faith of Nehtor and heal those who are hurt. By doing this he knew he had left Jadin behind him, but he felt that to become a true White Nehtorian he had to feel pain like Nehtor did every moment.

By this time Swifthoof had grown to a full size horse, and was loved by her master dearly. They stayed in Nyermersys for a year, before setting off around Santharia, staying in inns, healing as they went.I'd say, healing people as they went. Otherwise you could think they were the ones who needed to be healed :) Eventually they ended up in Doovens. This is purely out of interest: where exactly is Doovens? Here they joined a band of Nehtorians, traveling to Voldar. It took them 3 years to complete their journey, as they made slow progress, but when they got there they were greeted into the temple, but Arin felt he couldn't stay in one place, and left within a week, returning to Nyermersys. Maybe you could split the previous sentence into two, as it is a bit long. It had been 5 years since he had last seen the city, and Arin was now 26. There he remains to this day, healing those and staying at the temple.

Weapons: Weapons kill people, killing is a movement against Nehtor. None.

Belongings: His Clothes, a saddlebag to carry his money and bandages, and  a medical case, in which are herbs, bandages, tools, and several books, mainly on his weakest subject, Herbalism.

Familiars: His Centoraurian horse, Swifthoof. Swifthoof is snowy white, with a great brown mane rearing from her head. She carries Arin everywhere, and his possessions are guarded in her saddlebag.

*At this point I mean to say he has a strong immune system, but cuts, bruises and such all take a long time to repair. Diseases just come to him less than others, and he suffers less from them.

There, I hope I helped you a little :D
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Arin Woodwealth
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« Reply #25 on: February 10, 2007, 01:42:26 AM »

Ya sure have  grin I'll fix those things right away!

Doovens is near Carmalad, sorta North West of it.

With the bone, I was toying with the idea of putting a cast on him but it seemed too modern, I completely forgot about a splint!

A mention on the "Risking his life" I wanted him to sound sorta like a crazed man at these times, trying not to let any souls be "claimed" by Queprur

Edit: Fixed it up! Ready for any more comments.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2007, 01:57:49 AM by Arin Woodwealth » Logged

Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #26 on: February 13, 2007, 08:24:28 AM »

I have no immediate problems at this point.

You have done well dear  Thumb up

I would just suggest one last read through on your part to make sure you have all your wordings correct and nothing sounds funky. (found a couple which I fixed up real quick)
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« Reply #27 on: February 13, 2007, 12:06:36 PM »

Very good. I see nothing wrong as well. Me likies. It's very well written. ^_^ Second approval.
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« Reply #28 on: February 13, 2007, 01:22:51 PM »

Congratulations dear  heart
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« Reply #29 on: February 14, 2007, 06:33:39 AM »

Posting here to check out my Title  grin

Thanks to all who commented and Uri-Checked, and of course those who approved!
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