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Author Topic: Seh'nara Celebrindal  (Read 20039 times)
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Alassiel Telrúnya
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Elf, Ak’váth’rhím / Injerín


« Reply #30 on: March 22, 2007, 01:04:18 AM »

Notice: I already gave my adopted sister's CD a private Uri-check, so I can't really find anything wrong with it now, so it's now in the hands of the 'public'.

*Puts up flashing billboard which says "Approvals needed! Check Seh'nara's CD!!!"
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Seh'nara Celebrindal
Swift Ranger
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #31 on: March 22, 2007, 07:48:12 PM »

Thanks. HELLO?? I am ready for my approval!!! HELLO??
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Simonne Miller
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« Reply #32 on: March 23, 2007, 01:45:10 AM »

PLEASE!!! Don't be so impatient. There are people who have been waiting longer than you have, who don't go shouting at us every time they update. If you want our attention that badly, this is not the way to go about it. If your CD has not been commented on in three days, ask it NICELY in the right topic, which is 'Character Descriptions in Waiting'. No shouting, please, we don't like being shouted at any more than other people and we have lives of our own, so we are not online all the time.
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Drasil Razorfang
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Elf, Meladrhim/ Injerin


« Reply #33 on: March 23, 2007, 02:16:17 AM »

Comments in Orange

Name: Seh’nara Celebrindal

Gender: Female

Age: 75

Race: Elf

Tribe: Tethinrhim/Injerín (Is Tethinrhim but got adopted into the Injerín after her parents' death) Then, for our purposes, she Is Tethinrhim as that is what will affect her looks, personality and the like.  Also, realize that the two tribes have very different appearances and she will know she is not a member of that tribe.  This will probably play a large role in her younger years.  Also, her tribe is a very proud group.  Why would they ahve let one of their own be spirited away to some distant land?  Finally, the two tribes you have chosen live in two completely seperate continenets and the likeliness of her moving from one to another is very slim.  You will need to have a very strong explanation for this migration.  I would just suggest you choose a South Sarvonian Elf tribe.

Hair Colour: Copper

Eye Colour: Hazel

Weight: 1 pygge, 7 hebs

Height: 1 ped, 9 palmspans, 5 nailsbreadths (This is a bit exact.  Generally, we ask that you round it off to the nearest palmspan unless you wish to provide a reasoning as to how she knows her exact weight in mideval society.  Remember, they didn't have scales.)

Occupation: Ranger (hmmm...Maybe it would be best if you stayed with your tribe seeing as they correspond well with your occupation.  The tribe's archery school in Manthria or basic training as a Ronn would make this highly plausible.)

Title: Seh’nara the Swift Ranger (You seem to have misinterpreted the purpose of the title section.  The title is not what people know her by, but more of a sign of respect.  For example, priests or ministers are called Reverends and nobles are called Lord.  Simply remove her name from this and you should be fine.)

Physical Appearance And Clothes
Seh’nara has a slightly oval face, soft copper hair which is grown slightly past her shoulder and large hazel eyes. Her eyes are unreadable but when she is especially angry, they will turn into blazing infernos. But her most prominent feature is a black rose tattoo cutting through the right eye (Sounds painful.  Is it even possible to get a tattoo on your eye?  Shocked ). She had gotten that tattoo on a whim, thinking that it would look good on her. Her judgement was not wrong. (Huh?  A bit of an explanation would be nice.  Also, you seem to enjoy the use of the pluperfect tense, however, I would suggest you simply use the past or the present)

Usually, you will see her in brown pants and green shirts with a utility belt. The only time she dresses up is when it’s a must. Although she lives in a peaceful village, she always has her Scourge (You need to choose between your two tribes.  You say you live with the Injerin, but so far, your entire CD is Tethinrhim.  I'd simply remove them from your CD.  If their is a particular experience you had there that is crucial for your character, simply make it one of her journies.) slung around her body easily reachable, “just in case” as she always says.

She prefers her hair to be let down, but if she has to, she will tie it up in wind braids. She has one earhole, and the earring that she wears is usually a string braid with a fang hanging from it that her mother gave to her for her 10th birthday. Around her neck is a ruby locket that her father gave her with portraits of him, her mother and one family portrait. This is her most treasured possession and when she is feeling down, she will look at her parents’ strong and gentle gazes. That always makes her feel better.

Often, you will see her walking around town, just staring into space, or you can find her in the orphanage, playing with the children. They remind her of herself, because they also do not have parents.  (This should go in the personality section.)



Personality
Seh’nara is a shrewd person. Because she had to grow up prematurely, she gained a sense of cunningness to survive. To survive, she learnt, is to not let others know what you know, let them know only what they need to think that you know nothing. Although that particular trait has saved her from trouble, it had also gotten her into trouble.

Often, even if she’s angry, she does not show her temper, but it does not mean that she does not have one. Her temper is awful and she will blow up if someone irritates her too much.  The blow up is sudden because she barely gives any warning before blowing up. The only sign that she is angry is that her eyes will suddenly gain a burning quality and if she looks at you, her gaze will be so piercing that many will turn away. (This doesn't seem like a very elven trait.  Elves are known for their mellow attitudes and slow progression towards anger.  While you seem to sort of have that here, the "blowing up" is not very elven, unless their is significant human influence in her life.)

Being naturally sociable, she finds it easy to make friends but she finds it hard to trust them completely. Anyone can be her friend, but to gain her complete trust is more difficult. If she gives you her trust and true friendship, and you break the trust and ruin the friendship, she will find it very hard to trust you again. She can hold a grudge for a long time if the thing that you did is serious enough(this is a pretty confusing sentance). If she is holding a grudge against you, be prepared for aloofness, contempt and coldness. Rarely will she forgive a person just because a period of time has gone by, and if she does, count yourself lucky.

She sometimes can be a loner and at those times, will allow only Silver, her Ashmarian Wolf, to be with her. Sometimes she will also disappear for long periods at a time, and no one has succeeded in figuring out where she goes. She has an explosive laugh which can startle  people, and she also possesses a great sense of humor, though she doesn’t show it.


Strengths
   She’s a superb fighter and can make a weapon out of almost anything at hand. She also improvises well and fast. If she teams up with Silver, almost nothing can stop them. (avoid using superlatives.  Especially in your case, seeing as your elf is so young.  Remember, their are many MANY MANY many experienced fighters in Caelereth.  For example, my character has 45 years of combat experience and is still in his prime.  A wolf and a child(which you are by elven standards) would hardly be able to overcome him.  In addition, I can also think of quite a few characters who are better fighters than Drasil and could easily overcome him.)
   She is very determined and will complete anything that she starts.
   Her senses are very acute and rarely will anything escape her sharp ears and eyes. She is also more agile and quicker than most.
   Her hands are firm, and she has plenty of experience pickpocketing, lockpicking, and moving in the shadows. This could prove helpful if and when she needs to do something stealth based.
   She’s very logical, and can piece almost anything together when other people would have given up.
   One of her most formidable weapons is her silver tongue. She can even turn a bad thing to a good thing if she deems it necessary. This has gotten her out of trouble more than once and might prove helpful in coming years.
   Her knowledge of herbs and plants is extensive, and it has saved her life before.

(Your skills seem a bit extensive for an elf of your age.  Remember, elves learn slower than humans, thus having all these skills seems quite unlikely.)

Weaknesses
   She finds it hard to trust people. This could be her downfall one day.
   When she becomes really angry, her anger blinds her to anything and everything and she will not listen to reason.
   She still blames herself for her parents’ death, and carries a lot of emotional baggage with her.
   If she hates a person hard enough, she will do the opposite of what the person asks her to do, or twist the instructions.
   She has always detested maps, and has no idea how read them. She prefers to rely on her senses and the enviroment. (Eg. The sun, the stars, the moon)
   She has a horrible temper if she is woken up too early, and that may strain relationships.
   She can get really rude if she’s stressed, and that can also strain relationships.
(Hmm...you don't seem really balanced.  You have many formidible strengths and only a few weaknesses.)

History
Seh’nara was a normal elf, and being born into the Tethinrhim tribe, she was raised amongst her own kind. Although her tribe does not encourage public affection, her parents had always felt that children should be showered with love and concern, so they always praised her and encouraged her in whatever she did. During her youth, she was unusually gifted. Her hands were deft, her feet quick. In fighting, she has this uncanny ability to vaguely sense what the enemy will do next. If she is stuck in any way, be it climbing, swimming or fighting, she improvises fast and quick and gets out of the situation safely. This made her one of the best in physical activities. She is skilled in archery, herbal law, hunting, fishing and foresting as she was trained in all of these aspects. (See above comments about age.  You definatly need to age up)

When she was about 10 years old, she saw a male Ashmarian Wolf cub with a trader. As the cub was weak and scrawny, the trader had wanted to kill it. Her heart went out to the cub and she brought it home. Her parents had objected at first, but after a lot of persuading and ample use of puppy-dog eyes, her parents reluctantly agreed to let her keep it. She named it Silver because of the colouring of its fur and he has been with her ever since.  (I don't think its very likely that an Ashmarian wolf would have been so far down.  In addition, the wolf would have to be old or dead by now as generally wolves don't live for 65 years.)

She had lived her childhood in the Anturian Forest and wanted to become a Kaierian Warrior but sadly, her dreams was crushed by her parents death. One day she thought she had seen an Ashmarian Wolf(Ashmarian wolves live up north, not by her.  This is extremely unplausible) across a river that looked extraordinarily like Silver and she wanted to check it out. Her parents, knowing how important this was for her, had agreed to row her over to the other shore. Halfway into the river, something had gone wrong with the boat and there was a hole in the hull. Her mother had been swept away by the current but her father had managed to get Seh’nara and himself to shore.

Putting her into a safe spot, he had told her to wait for him. With that, he had jumped into the river and that was the last time Seh’nara had seen him alive. Having waited for a few hours, she fell asleep and after waking up, she started to go downstream in hopes of finding her parents holed up under a tree somewhere, but no such luck. After searching for 3 days, she found a bracelet of her mother’s and accepted the inevitable. As soon as she had collected herself, she realized that she was lost!

After wandering around for a little while, hunger had gotten hold of her, and after failing to find any food, she had resorted to stealing from a travelling caravan. That was the first time she had ever stolen. Over the course of the next few months, she stole constantly to feed herself and Silver, for the faithful animal had found her. Then, she saw Luthien. Exhausted, she stumbled over to him, and after some gentle questioning, he found out about her recent past and decided to adopt her.  (...How far from her tribe could she have rowed.  I'm sure that she could have found her way back or that the traders could have escorted her.  Also, three days is a long time.  Surely someone would have noticed she was missing and gone out to look for her.)

Thus began her new life with the Injerín. Although the hurt for her parents’ death slowly numbed, the guilt had never quite gone away. Also, the pain and grief she felt made her feel that she was not worthy for the status as a Kaierian Warrior. When Luthien brought her back, another adopted girl, Alassiel, warmly welcomed Seh’nara as a sister. They soon became the best of friends, and Alassiel was one of the first Seh'nara truly trusted.

Despite the fact that they were of the same age, Seh'nara was physically and mentally the younger one. That arrangement worked fine because Seh'nara was content with being the younger one and secretly had always wanted an older sister. Although Luthien gave Seh’nara the choice of learning performing arts as an occupation, she refused, because she preferred to hunt or fish outdoors instead of being “stuck inside a stuffy room with no way of escaping learning how to sing ‘La la la’ properly”. Despite that, she started to learn the flute to occupy herself in her free time. Now, her dream is to go out and see the world, make new friends, experience new cultures and maybe gather enough courage to go back and try to become a Kaierian Warrior.


Belongings and Weapons
Seh’nara dislikes things that will occupy one or both of her hands. She prefers to just carry everything in her belt. Her weapons consist of a longbow, her Scourge, and the Judgment Quill. She usually calls the Judgement Quill by its other name, the "Nightwhirl". Always present on her body no matter what is her fang earring and ruby locket. She keeps some lockpicks in her belt and some money. She also has one w'aer kept in the handle of her Scrouge just in case she needs it.  (to many weapons for an elf to be proficient with at such a young age. I would suggest you focus on one if you want her to have any skill)

Familiar
Silver is a male Ashmarian Wolf and has been with Seh’nara since she rescued him. Although he was weak when Seh’nara found him, he has become a strong wolf under her loving care. Seh’nara brushes his fur everyday and it is sleek and smooth. He got his name from the unusual colouring of his fur. His head to his midsection is completely black, then it fades to silver and finally turning into white. Silver is usually silent and rarely makes a sound normally unless he’s playing with people. When he growls, it means that danger is eminent, but not that near. But if he barks, it means that danger is almost on top of them. He is very gentle with children and playful too.

Silver has never forgotten how she had saved him form certain death by the trader and is extremely loyal and protective of Seh’nara and would do anything for her, even dying. The same goes for Seh’nara, and the bond they have is strong and unbreakable. When they travel, he either scouts in front or walks beside her. Often, Seh’nara talks to Silver as if he was one of her kind, and in fact, Seh’nara swears that he is as intelligent as her. They are inseparable, and you never see one without the other.
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Seh'nara Celebrindal
Swift Ranger
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #34 on: March 23, 2007, 10:56:40 PM »

In all sincerity, I am sorry for screaming like a 5 year old kid who didn't get the lollipop flavour that she wants. My bad. I am so sorry.  buck  Gotta be more patient. And I should have looked at that thread. My bad again.  buck 
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Seh'nara Celebrindal
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #35 on: March 23, 2007, 11:02:16 PM »

Plus I've done the edits. Drasil, thanks for looking through, though I didn't really get the pluperfect thing... I have no idea what the grammar thingies are all about. It doesn't really show, because I still know how to phrase things, but I do it all on instinct.
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #36 on: March 23, 2007, 11:06:14 PM »

What he means Seh'nara is that you float between using the past tense and the present tense. (If you don't know what they mean, look them up on google, as we use the terms frequently here on the board.)

Just stick to one tense because it makes the whole of your CD much easier to read and understand.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Seh'nara Celebrindal
Swift Ranger
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #37 on: March 23, 2007, 11:20:26 PM »

So because my history is in the past tense, I have to write everything in the past tense?
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #38 on: March 23, 2007, 11:43:06 PM »

*rubs temples* No, I was simply explaining to you what he was pointing out as you did not understand.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Seh'nara Celebrindal
Swift Ranger
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #39 on: March 24, 2007, 01:06:22 AM »

I think I get it. Alassiel pointed out that I was using too much "hads".
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Alassiel Telrúnya
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Elf, Ak’váth’rhím / Injerín


« Reply #40 on: March 24, 2007, 01:25:20 AM »

But I'm not entirely sure if that's what it means.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2007, 01:25:37 AM by Alassiel » Logged

Drasil Razorfang
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Elf, Meladrhim/ Injerin


« Reply #41 on: March 24, 2007, 03:57:00 AM »

Yeah. Basically.  The pluperfect is "have verbed"  Also, you need to stick to a single tense. You can't switch back and forth.  Generally, seeing as this is an "entry" it helps to use formal writing and words.
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Seh'nara Celebrindal
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #42 on: March 29, 2007, 07:15:39 PM »

Okay! So sorry I didn't post or edit for so long. I got banned from the computer 'cos my dad felt that I should be concentrating on my studies. Especially my mother tongue.  buck    Anyways, I did some edits. I took away most of the hads. Is there anything else I need to do?
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #43 on: March 29, 2007, 10:04:33 PM »

I will be going through your CD here in the next couple of days.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Seh'nara Celebrindal
Swift Ranger
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #44 on: March 30, 2007, 03:00:05 PM »

Oh, that's great. Thanks!
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