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Author Topic: Hylphán'ác'órril - Avennorian, Arthyron; Adventurer/Fighter  (Read 16379 times)
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Drasil Razorfang
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Elf, Meladrhim/ Injerin


« Reply #30 on: April 05, 2007, 11:10:25 AM »

I'll look you over again tommorow night.
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Hylphán
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« Reply #31 on: April 05, 2007, 11:12:59 AM »

Thank You sir...
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Fair winds and following seas till our paths cross again.

Hylphán's CD
Simonne Miller
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« Reply #32 on: April 05, 2007, 06:35:32 PM »

Right, my last comments, so far as I can see :)

One, I wouldn't say so specifically that he has bought his horse two days ago in Caelum, because by the time you get into a story you'll probably have travelled a few days already. I'd just make it 'recently when he was in Caelum' or something of the kind.

Then, there was a small comment I had on your strengths. Let me copy them first.

Strengths:

Although he is highly skilled with the recurve bow and the sword, especially the Shamshir, he has a slight knowledge of the spear as well.

-He is no stranger to battle, and has scars to prove it.   
       
-He has a passing knowledge of Doimo Brawling, though not up to Doimo
standards.  His adoptive Doimo family teased him about that all the time. He is proficient enough to best almost anyone that they could beat. This is the one I wanted to comment on. If he can beat almost anyone that they could beat, isn't he up to their standards? Perhaps you can change it to him being able to beat many people who don't know Doimo Brawling (not everyone though ;)). This should be a very good strength because I don't think there are many Sarvonians who know this skill.

-As with all elves, he is a natural woodsman from his years of traveling, and he can melt into the trees and
become a part of the forest.
     
Weaknesses:

-He puts too much faith in his first impressions of people, and this has ushered him into troublesome waters more than once.

-He has restricted movement of his right arm, he can only lift it slightly above shoulder level due to a sword thrust in the collarbone area.

-He is a sucker for a kid in trouble, which means he then has to face the person (or
persons) who are mad at the kid.
         
-He will occasionally push himself past the limits of his endurance, causing physical
collapse, if the situation warrants it.  His physical condition will be near comatose for a period of 2 to 3 days. In other words, he had better be somewhere safe when he goes down.     

-He hates to see anyone mistreat a horse.
         
-He will not tolerate anyone mistreating a woman!
         
-The last two items on the list tend to be frowned on by many, and quite frequently causes trouble. I don't understand this weakness. Why would people frown on the fact that he does not tolerate women being mistreated, or horses? More specifically, how has this caused trouble for him?

When you've adressed these remarks, I think you're ready for your first approval :D
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Hylphán
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« Reply #33 on: April 05, 2007, 09:11:30 PM »

All the changes and reasons have been written in RED, so see what you think now.

He generally gets into trouble when he objects to someone mistreating a horse or a woman, because he usually objects strenuously
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Fair winds and following seas till our paths cross again.

Hylphán's CD
Simonne Miller
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« Reply #34 on: April 05, 2007, 09:15:17 PM »

Ok, so I would combine those last three points into one, plus mentioning how strenuously he acts towards the person mistreating a horse or a woman. And for the strength change 'most anyone' to 'many', which sounds less godmodingly to me. Also, does the weakness of his arm influence the strength of the Doimo Brawling? Just out of curiosity :)
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Hylphán
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« Reply #35 on: April 05, 2007, 09:26:03 PM »

Changes made!  And no, the arm problem wouldn't really affect the brawling much, as the strength in the arm isn't diminished much at all.  Just the overhead movement because the muscles healed shorter.
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Fair winds and following seas till our paths cross again.

Hylphán's CD
Simonne Miller
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« Reply #36 on: April 05, 2007, 09:57:14 PM »

Yeah, my question was mainly: does he need much overhead movement in Doimo Brawling :) I'll go read now
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Simonne Miller
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« Reply #37 on: April 05, 2007, 09:59:24 PM »

Here's your approval, dear  azn

If you could just quickly change the 'causes' in the last weakness to 'cause', that would be swell. The subject is plural, you see ;)
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Hylphán
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« Reply #38 on: April 05, 2007, 10:00:30 PM »

Thank you dear Lady!  Consider it done!
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Fair winds and following seas till our paths cross again.

Hylphán's CD
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #39 on: April 06, 2007, 01:17:15 AM »

I just have one thing, even though you are titled and ready to go...

Please remove the color from your CD before we move it to the archives.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Fenmarel Leislasa
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Half-Elf, Eyelian/Ylfferhim


« Reply #40 on: April 06, 2007, 01:19:39 AM »

Kali, how come I don't have to remove the color from my CD?
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. ~ Fenmarel Leislasa
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #41 on: April 06, 2007, 01:30:17 AM »

wasn't as noticeable....
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Fenmarel Leislasa
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« Reply #42 on: April 06, 2007, 02:11:16 AM »

Oh right...
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. ~ Fenmarel Leislasa
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