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- THE CD FORUM POSTICON SYSTEM -

Below is a summary on the posticons used for the character description approval process. The posticon of the first post should always be edited according to the current state of completion of the character description (either by the player, a Moderator or an Administrator).
1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD.  4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
 2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD.  5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
 3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title.  6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.
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Author Topic: Aváíyá Enayái/ Diorye’oleal / Personal seamstress  (Read 21980 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Alassiel Telrúnya
Temperamental Bard
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Gender: Female
Posts: 1728


Elf, Ak’váth’rhím / Injerín


« Reply #30 on: April 03, 2007, 01:53:13 AM »

Yes, I realized that when you started posting. As soon as you started posting, I thought, there's gotta be something wrong with my last post. So I checked through the last 5 posts, and I saw that Drasil mentioned it. So I managed to delete it before you'd actually posted. :D

Anyway, Aváíyá, I don't really think there's anything wrong with your CD now. So I won't be commenting much anymore. :D
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Drasil Razorfang
Remote Rover
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Posts: 1292


Elf, Meladrhim/ Injerin


« Reply #31 on: April 03, 2007, 06:25:21 AM »

Yup!  Once you finish the familiar you should be pretty much done.  Seeing as you have already attracted the full moderators attention as a CD almost complete I'm not going to bother going through to check for any new errors that arose, but I just wanted to congradulate you on a job well done in advance.  Your CD is marvelously written and I can't wait to begin RPing with you.
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Aváíyá Enayái
Adventurous Artist
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Gender: Female
Posts: 82


Elf, Diorye’oleal / Cyhallrhim


« Reply #32 on: April 03, 2007, 08:35:48 AM »

Aww you’re going to make me blush. You can say I’ve had plenty of practises from various other sites where you can RP.

And yes my familiar description is long, learned the skill of description a few years back about horses, I got out me old notes about it.

It's all fixed!
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Kite
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Posts: 21



« Reply #33 on: April 03, 2007, 08:39:19 AM »

 :D yes! if I were a moderator i would approve. =)
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Kareesh Valendar
Hatred's Fury
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Elf, Arthyron


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« Reply #34 on: April 03, 2007, 09:37:36 AM »

Hello. I'm here checking. Just a small note before I start, navy is really hard for people to read against the background. Could you possibly change that? Thanks. Anyways, onto the Uri-check.


Name: Aváíyá Enayái
Gender: Female
Age: 256 (Knowledge & training of a 40 yrs. old)
Race: Elf
Tribe: Diorye’oleal / Cyhallrhim   
Occupation: Personal Seamstress / Assassin for hire
Title: Adventurous Artist
Height: 2 peds
Weight: 2 Pygges, 6 Hebs
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Small black dot

Overview:
She lives a double life, going from town to town looking for a place where she can finally feel at home again, but yet has to find such a place that could accept what she is.

Physical Appearance:
Aváíyá earns most of her appearance from her father who was a Diorye’oleal elf, except for her almost empty eyes and long eyes anyone could have passed her as a dark elf of some sort. Her jet black hair is kept in a tight braid reaching to the small of her back, her hair contrasts well with her marble white skin. She has a slender yet very curvatious body, she has the long arms and legs that come with the Diorye’oleal and being an even 2 peds just adds to the strange beauty that she carries herself with. This sentence is a bit of a run-on. She has the chiselled features of her father and the blank eyes of her mother, another sign her father left behind was giving her an animal guild tattoo of a horse, although he never said anything about its meaning. She weighs an amazing 2 Pygges, 6 Hebs which no one could have guessed because of how slender she looks.


And that's as far as I got. Sorry, college is calling me away. The rest I kinda glanced at and I'm curious as to how you got the two tribes together. Guess I'll find out when I read it. ^_^
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Aváíyá Enayái
Adventurous Artist
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Gender: Female
Posts: 82


Elf, Diorye’oleal / Cyhallrhim


« Reply #35 on: April 03, 2007, 09:50:11 AM »

Changed. Yes that combing on the tribes took me a while and I had to do alot of research about both.
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Aváíyá Enayái
Adventurous Artist
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Gender: Female
Posts: 82


Elf, Diorye’oleal / Cyhallrhim


« Reply #36 on: April 04, 2007, 09:13:55 AM »

Anyone else able to check my CD?
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patt0192
Guest
« Reply #37 on: April 04, 2007, 10:00:29 AM »

I will! Give me a sec...

K, it's well presented and neat, which everyone enjoys. I looked through everything else and there isn't much you've forgotten. I haven't read your entire history though, if I noticed any inconsistancies, I will re-edit this again and include it.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2007, 10:06:11 AM by Jiro » Logged
Mirmec Rethindor
New Santharian

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Posts: 91



« Reply #38 on: April 04, 2007, 02:19:57 PM »

well i don't have an accepted character yet, but i'll tell you a few things i see. They are just some inconsistencies.

You say she has adapted clothing of what was given her by her mother and father, yet you say she has the training of a forty year old in equivalency of elf years. So it is hard to understand if she is a youngling or an adult.

If she is an experienced assassin, i would think she'd have some scars from her close scrapes. The emphasis on clothing doesnt really tell us her skin tone, or calluses say from always carrying those weapons at night, but in fact you only barely mention she uses daggers. So tell us more about that and her approach to kill. Does she set traps or is she aggressive and goes for the quick stab? Technique is everything for an assassin and would give your fellow rpg players some insight into the favorable situations when your character might be led to attack.

Also *blush* where exactly is her tattoo??  :D

i'm not sure i understood the part about the closed eyes on her assassin job, so try to make it clearer what you are describing. Maybe a certain facial expression she uses with her wig costume to make her look more human?

As far as them thinking she was a shoplifter and you calling that trouble, i found that amusing as she is an assassin that will do whatever it takes for her to earn money. So you may want to lower your character's selfawareness and self respect down to the level of her job. Why does she kill? Why must she earn money like an animal killing people? Where is the anger or hatred that is motivating her? i just don't see it in the CD. So try to make it clearer, the way you have drawn Aviya Enaya she seems too considerate and thoughtful to be an assassin.

the long diaries of the father and mother are interesting but just doesnt really answer the questions about your character. Better to make it more pertinent to your character or just cut them out and leave character's history in there. you can slowly reveal parts of the father and mother's history in your actual RPGing.

Lastly i like the horse, but if she is so badly wanted in twenty five cities and it is hard for her to travel, where does she hide the horse? And wouldnt a huge horse like that kind of ruin the effects of any sort of costume she tries to make??

ok hope those comments help you. it was a fun read.

« Last Edit: April 04, 2007, 02:25:41 PM by Mirmec Rethindor » Logged
Drasil Razorfang
Remote Rover
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Posts: 1292


Elf, Meladrhim/ Injerin


« Reply #39 on: April 05, 2007, 03:53:33 AM »

Mirmec, There are a few problems with your own comments.  First, I don't really understand how your first problem is a problem at all...Adapting clothing has nothing to do with training time, or age, or being a youngling or an adult.  Also, youngling can signify the age of soemone who is full grown, but is young in comparison to others.

Next, assasins to not enter combat like normal fighters, but instead go for a more stealthy approach, tipping their blades with poision, getting in one suprise hit and disappearing in a flash.  It is not unlikely that an assasin character does not have any scars.  Fighting style is also not a requirement for a CD, especially if your character is a pre-established "class" where it can be assumed how they fight.  By simply doing basic research, one would know that assasins do not partake in "fair" one on one fights, thus their manner of killing can hardly be called combat.  In addition, you would also discover that elves are creatures of agility, not strength and rely on multiple attack instead of powerful blows.  Also, most RPers do not spend the time to read the CDs of other RPers unless they either A) commented on them B) are partaking in long term rping, or C) are looking for stylistic assistance.  I know from my lengthy time RPing here that I have never had to look at a CD in order to sucessfully rp, with the exception of Cherri, Drasil's lover.  Finally, should this character ever engage in open combat, IRL, her opponent would have no knowledge of her fighting style, thus the person RPing them should not be given this knowledge either.  Basically, I feel you have overthought/twisted the ideas and practices behind an assassin.

The Tattoo comment is a bit nit-picky, but ok i guess.

The closed eyes, though a bit confusing are an attempt to disguise her appearance.  Remember that she is of a race that stands out in a crowd and one of her most prominent features is her eyes.  By keeping them closed when in large crowds, she can still manuever using her hands, will gain the help of the masses, and will hide her identity to a much greater extent.

I do agree with your human comment however as it is nearly impossible for an elf to appear human due to racial differences.  Your character does not need to strive to look like something she is not, but rather blend in with her surroundings.

...Considerate and careful people can be ruthless killers as well as not everyone has a motive outside of self perservation.  As a dark elf and an outcast, she is hardly going to get much business and therefore will be forced to survive by any means necessary, in her case assasination.  My own character, Drasil, is often considered to be a ruthless killer and a great fighter, yet he also has no "reason" to kill others.

The long diaries of her father and mother are a DEFINITE must in this character and should under NO circumstances be cut out.  Since she is a cross-breed it is of the utmost importance to have some history of her family, before she was born to help establish why this couple came together.  Also, it appears your conception of RPGing on this site is a bit off.  We do not all RP together, thus, revealing bits and pieces that are not in the Cd are of no use and will only result in the CD beign dragged back to the boards by the CD team for further elaboration and re-approval.

Finally, while horses are expensive, they are not uncommon things, thus they would not be hard to hide.  Also, twenty-five towns aren't that many one the whole of Santharia, and still allow her to access a good part ofalmost all of the continents.  It will not be hard for her to travel as you seem to think.

At the basis, these faults in your commenting seem to come from a lack of experience on the RPG and a lack of general research/knowledge gained from being around for a while (and being active in an RPG)  While I hope this comment does not discourage you from commenting, as this was very well thought through, I would ask that you do a bit more research on your ideas and read through some of the comments of teh CD team to provide more accurate ideas.  You definatly have potential to be a CD team member should you ever wish to become one, IMHO.

@ Aviaya:  You should be happy to know I just spent 20 minutes writing this out and checking into all of his stuff as I feel this is definatly ready for mod review the way it is.  I'll try to give Kar another sharp poke in the ribs to get you your approval.  BTW, you might want to check out the dev board.  We could use people like you over there.  ;) *nudge nudge*
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Mirmec Rethindor
New Santharian

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Posts: 91



« Reply #40 on: April 05, 2007, 05:13:20 AM »

it doesnt discourage me, thanks for your concern. She asked for people's opinions, and i gave her what i saw. Your interpretation is different than mine, thats fine. As long as she can improve her character thats all that really matters.

Now as far as your assumptions about how i look at RGPing i find that a little far afield of the discussions, but thanks for sharing them with me. I always like to learn what other people see when they read.
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Aváíyá Enayái
Adventurous Artist
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Gender: Female
Posts: 82


Elf, Diorye’oleal / Cyhallrhim


« Reply #41 on: April 05, 2007, 10:05:32 AM »

It took me 20 mins to read both your entries. I thank you very much Drasil for replying for me, I probably would have ended up saying something along the lines. I will make sure to say where her tattoo is, and you'll find it a very interesting place.

What are the Dev boards?
« Last Edit: April 06, 2007, 03:50:30 AM by Aváíyá Enayái » Logged

Drasil Razorfang
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Elf, Meladrhim/ Injerin


« Reply #42 on: April 05, 2007, 11:08:49 AM »

The dev board is where we create the world in which you RP.  If you click the book in the upper right corner it will link you over.  On the dev board, there is no RPing, but rather we create the submissions that go on the main site and help flesh out the World of Caelereth.  Any entry that you have ever read off of this site is a product of the Developers (The Dream Team.)
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Aváíyá Enayái
Adventurous Artist
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Gender: Female
Posts: 82


Elf, Diorye’oleal / Cyhallrhim


« Reply #43 on: April 06, 2007, 02:31:37 AM »

Oh ok.
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Aváíyá Enayái
Adventurous Artist
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Gender: Female
Posts: 82


Elf, Diorye’oleal / Cyhallrhim


« Reply #44 on: April 06, 2007, 08:24:25 AM »

Where are all the mods hiding...
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