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Author Topic: Khel/Eyelian/Rogue Merchant  (Read 10196 times)
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Khel
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Human, Eyelian


« Reply #15 on: April 18, 2007, 08:50:39 AM »

Much thanks Simonne! Didnt catch that spelling error, hehe.
« Last Edit: April 19, 2007, 08:57:57 AM by khel » Logged

..tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. -asw
Your pal, Khel
Simonne Miller
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« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2007, 07:12:34 PM »

I can't find anything wrong with it anymore. Here's your first approval  grin
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Khel
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Human, Eyelian


« Reply #17 on: April 19, 2007, 01:58:03 AM »

woohoo! -dances around- much thanks -beams-
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..tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. -asw
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Mina
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« Reply #18 on: April 20, 2007, 07:44:28 PM »

Hmm...just a few minor things. 

1. What's with the purplish eyes? 

2.
Quote
her small village in Southern Sarvonia
Southern Sarvonia is a continent about the size of South America, and her tribe is native to Southern Sarvonia anyway, so you're really not saying much with that statement. 

3.
Quote
Khel finds herself in a remote place, knowing only that she must travel home to Southern Sarvonia
Well, I personally think it's quite unlikely that she'd left the continent during her wanderings.  It's impossible to do so by land, and ships leaving the continent are probably very rare. 

4. Did she learn to 'speak' with animals like most Eyelians do?  If not, why?  It is unusual for an Eyelian to not possess this skill, so if that's the case, it should be pointed out in the CD, and an explanation given for it. 

Overall, I get the feeling that this character isn't very Eyelian-like, but I guess that's how it was meant to be. 
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Khel
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« Reply #19 on: April 21, 2007, 02:12:02 AM »

I had a hard time trying to step around what I didnt understand.... I was trying I add in what I learned after reading all of those massive amounts of information, while still trying to be vague so I didnt add in facts I knew nothing about..

haha I guess it didnt work too well.

thanks for the feedback though! I'll fix it. soon. :)
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..tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. -asw
Your pal, Khel
Simonne Miller
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« Reply #20 on: April 21, 2007, 03:47:47 AM »

Mina: I must contend with you on that last point. It is not common for all Eyelians to have this skill, only some learn it if they feel they have been called to it by their Spirit. There are Eyelians enough that do not possess this skill, but have learned other things :) (The ones that can speak with animals are called a Beastmaster, btw)
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Mina
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« Reply #21 on: April 21, 2007, 04:08:30 AM »

Oh?  I must have been mistaken.  I thought that they were taught it from childhood. 
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Simonne Miller
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« Reply #22 on: April 21, 2007, 04:18:21 AM »

I know it's not very clear from the entry, and I see where you're coming from, but the Eyelian tribe entry is one of those that is starting to become outdated a little. I plan work on that once my masterwork is finished :) (edit: if I'm allowed to, of course :p)
« Last Edit: April 21, 2007, 04:25:15 AM by Simonne Miller » Logged
Khel
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« Reply #23 on: April 22, 2007, 07:14:22 AM »

Thanks Mina!

1. um. Well, it's just a faint purplish. I just thought it was interesting and different. They are pretty close to black, but I guess I could take out the purple tint if you'd prefer.

2. I'll name the village.

3. Because she's in a remote place doesn't mean she's left the continent... I'll name a town she ended up in maybe? I'm not sure what you'd rather have here....

4. Strong connection with nature, but not a Beastmaster. That's what I was going for after I read about them. She didnt really have anyone to teach her seeing as she left at a young age.

I made changes you suggested in blue so they're clearer =D But yes, as you said, not too Eyelian-like because I didnt want to add in any wrong information and I tried to make her background a little vague.
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..tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. -asw
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Mina
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« Reply #24 on: April 22, 2007, 02:26:29 PM »

1. Meh, I guess you can keep it.  Normally we don't like characters to look too unusual, but in this case I guess it's a really minor thing, so it doesn't matter too much. 

2&3: It's much better now.  It didn't make much sense before, because you were saying South Sarvonia rather than any specific place in it.  However, perhaps you can come up with a new name for the village?  Right now, it sounds a lot like the name of a Dwarven town (Kor Donion), and in general looks rather Dwarvish too. 

4. I guess that's alright.  I was just a little confused because that wasn't how the Eyelians used to be. 
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Kareesh Valendar
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« Reply #25 on: April 23, 2007, 03:07:29 PM »

Would it be alright if you just put the providence or a region that it's in? That way you wouldn't have to be too specific but it would be specific enough that it's not covering an entire continent.
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Khel
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Human, Eyelian


« Reply #26 on: April 24, 2007, 05:15:28 AM »

I got "Kor Donion" off of a map of Eyelia so I figured it'd be a legitimate town.

Maybe I'm a little confused...><

I'll change it so that it's in Eyelia, as Kareesh suggested.
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..tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. -asw
Your pal, Khel
Simonne Miller
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« Reply #27 on: April 24, 2007, 05:25:15 AM »

Eyelia isn't really a province anymore, sorry. But you could say something like 'a little town near the Rimmerin's Ring' for example, something like that.
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Khel
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Human, Eyelian


« Reply #28 on: April 24, 2007, 08:45:34 AM »

Must've looked at an older map >< dangit! hehe I'm just not winning this one..=P
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..tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. -asw
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Kareesh Valendar
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« Reply #29 on: April 26, 2007, 04:41:18 AM »

I looked over everything and I think that you're ready for your second approval. Congrats!
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