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Author Topic: Letitia De Lockhart / Erpheronian / Writer  (Read 19879 times)
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Letitia De Lockhart
Lady Likely
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Gender: Female
Posts: 140


Human, Erpheronian


« on: May 19, 2007, 07:07:15 AM »

Name: Letitia De Lockhart

Gender: Female

Year of birth: 1645

Date of birth: 29th Rising Sun

Age: 22

Race: Human

Tribe: Erpheronian

Occupation: Lives off own means, (she inherited all her father’s money and possessions). Sometimes she writes stories and poems to sell if she runs out of money when she is travelling, or she makes clothes to sell in the same situation. When asked she tells people she is a writer of poetry and philosophy.

Title: Lady Likely

Charecter portrait: This portrait of Letitia was painted on her 21st birthday as was her mother’s, her grandmother’s and her great grandmother’s before that, it was a custom along the maternal line of their family and would be passed down for what is hoped to be generations to come. In these paintings the clothes they wore were always quite elaborate and specially made for the occasion; in some way they tried to make their clothes and pose represent their character. In the portrait of Letitia her pose is trying to represent looking to the future and trying to make the most of life whilst the chances are there. The bird shows freedom to do all that can be done, to make possible what seems impossible, to rise up above and see the world from a good perspective.

Her clothes are quite different to what is normally worn by women of her class and society showing that she does want to be different not just another animal that follows the crowd but her own person. 


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Appearance-
Height: 1 ped, 2 fore, 1 palmspan

Weight: 1 pygge, 3 heb

Hair colour: Dusky blond

Eye colour: Brown

Physical appearance: She is about average height and build, and her skin is pale white but has a light shade of yellow in places. Her eyes are brown; they are quite wide and bold, they stand out well especially from the rest of her face as her nose and mouth are quite small and well shaped. Her lips are a pale pink colour and have a small pout; her smile is elegant and graceful showing some of her pearly white teeth. She has a small nose, it is well shaped and not very long, it also has a bit of a point on the end. Her face is almost perfectly symmetrical and it is all in good proportion although her piercing eyes are the main feature of her face.

When she walks it seems more like she is gliding smoothly or even floating, her steps are light and her long flowing dresses hide her feet. Her hair is long and curly, but most of the time she wears it up nicely in a clip with ringlets on her head and just draping down the back of her neck. Her neck is long and slender, very well defined yet with a majestic quality about it. She has a youthful figure with a small waist and good sized hips. Her body is very well proportioned and has a sort of hourglass shape.

Clothing: Although Letitia can easily afford to buy clothes if she needs them, a lot of the time she prefers to make her own clothes as she is very skilled with a needle. She buys some of the best materials to be imported from far and wide and she makes some beautiful long dresses with a range of different patterns that she embroiders.

The general style of the clothes she wears can vary a lot; there is no set fashion, although she will mostly wear long, lightly coloured, silk dresses, nicely embroidered with the greatest of precision. When she travels Letitia tries to hide her wealth by wearing simply a white silk dress with no embroidery that are plain instead, but she does take some of her finer clothes with her to wear when she can. Also sometimes she will wear a white linen cape over her dress; she always wears white and other light colours to show her purity.

Jewellery: Letitia always wears two necklaces; one is an exquisite silver necklace with one diamond and one ruby on each side of that diamond. This once belonged to her mother but was given to Letitia by her father on her 21st birthday. The other necklace is a locket that also belonged to her mother; it contains two small pictures of a young man who is actually her secret half-brother who she never knew anything about.

Personality: She can be quite rebellious if she feels that someone is doing something wrong, and she is not afraid to speak her mind. She has very strong opinions on a large range of different subjects and will spend hours debating with a person simply to get her point across and make them see things from her point of view. Also she can be very emotional, although she may not show it all the time as she does not want to risk being seen as weak.

She is not a feminist but she does not believe in marrying for purposes of money or a title, the only reason she would ever marry is for love. She hates men who give themselves to anyone and the women who let these men take them. She believes that people should give themselves only to the person who is worthy of them. No one more and no one less.

She likes to read and write whenever she gets the chance. Also she enjoys debating and making up speeches about subjects she feels passionate about. She enjoys making her own clothes and embroidering them with lots of different patterns and colours.

Strengths:

•   She is a very skilled writer and reader.
•   She has plenty of money so she can afford to buy what she may need at any certain time.
•   She is not only mentally strong but also physically strong as well.
•   She keeps an armoured fan with her for protection at all times, although she is not very good at using it if she was in a fight or being attacked.

Weaknesses:

•   Having so much money on her can make her vulnerable to attack or having her belonging's stolen.
•   She can misread people’s feelings and intentions; this can get her into trouble sometimes.
•   When Letitia travels she always carries two heavy bags with her so she can get very tired and weak after not walking too long if she could not get transport.
•   People can take advantage of Letitia because she is too forgiving.
           

History: Letitia was born into a very rich household, her mother was well known for her exquisite beauty and her father for his high rank and impressive bravery in service to the Navy. Her father had many well known and important friends including the Great Sage, this gave their family access to a lot of grand privileges. Their family seemed almost perfect with riches, beauty and brains, but the reality of their life was sad and lonely.

Letitia was raised by the family governess; she was a nice lady who would teach Letitia to read, write, sew and embroider with excellent precision, having such a good education gave her a good mind and made her very wise from a young age. Letitia was well spoken and wrote very neatly, she would spend her days in her room practising skills of life, writing poetry and learning quotes from some of the greatest writers ever to have graced the world.

As Letitia grew in age, independence, and intelligence, she also grew in her rebellion. She would debate with anyone who thought it necessary to try and change her, never letting go and would fight to the very end. She wanted more than to simply be another snobbish upper class woman. Letitia knew she was smarter than most men and had more guts, but she was constantly held back by the word of her elusive parents whom she never even knew.
 
As a child Letitia hardly ever saw her parents, most of the time all she had of them was the many large portraits on the walls in her house. Her father was always out at sea or with one of his many mistresses and her mother suffered from severe depression. Most of the other families of her class would attend dinner parties and formal functions but her father would normally take one of his mistresses and possibly her family because her parents did not get on very well. Also her mother did not go out much because of her depression. She just stayed far away from Letitia as she said she could not face seeing her daughter, Letitia never knew why. When Letitia was 14 years old her governess moved away.

When Letitia was only 15 she was going for a walk in the gardens of her house simply to get some fresh air when she saw what looked almost like a river of ruby red blood, shimmering in the sun. It slowly streamed down the hill ahead and rested as a small puddle not far from where Letitia stood. She began to walk up the hill with curiosity to find the source of the blood expecting to find an animal that had been injured, but when she got to the top she was shocked to see the body of a woman drowning in a sea of her own blood. At first Letitia did not recognise the body and when she saw it she took a sudden breath in feeling rather stunned by the shock.

Letitia walked closer to the body and stood over it looking sickeningly at the bloody corpse, and then she got down on her knees to get a proper look at the face. After she cleaned some of the blood away from the face she realised who it was. It was her mother, once famed for her beauty her face was now withered and dead. The sad thing about this was the only way Letitia could possibly recognise her mother was because she walked past a big portrait of her on the wall in the stairwell almost every day of her life.

Letitia lightly placed a kiss on her mother’s cheek and as she did she caught sight of a small piece of paper on the floor nearby. She picked it up and unfolded it carefully, trying not to damage it, the paper was blood stained and torn at the edges but it simply read, “I am so sorry my darling Letitia, mummy loves you”. A tear fell from her eye and rolled slowly down her cheek leaving a small damp trail in its path, the single tear dripped from her cheek onto the paper.

On the day of her mother’s funeral Letitia did not wear black, she simply put on a plain white dress, some people criticized her, but Letitia did not care. Letitia’s father did attend the funeral, and when most of the other people had left she found him sitting on his own crying. She had never seen her father cry before, she had barely ever seen her father before, and as he was crying she approached him and said softly, “Father please do not cry, I do not know you but I wish I could, please, you are all I have left, it may not be much but it is something”.

Her father looked up at her his eyes filled with pain and sorrow then he stood to his feet and held her in a tight embrace, smelling her hair and trying to take in all he could about her, “My dear, Letitia, you have grown so well a wonderful young Lady you have become, I cannot believe I have missed so much, I wish I could just turn back the clock, but I unfortunately cannot so I am not missing another minute of you.” He cried, then Letitia replied, “father it is okay I forgive you, I am growing up now and will not be staying around here forever, I want to travel like you have, just know I love you father”. They finished talking and just treasured that moment with all their hearts.

Since that day Letitia and her father have been very close, although they are not always together, they are in spirit. Letitia lived with her father in their house for another six years. On her 21st birthday Letitia's father gave her a silver necklace with three gems on it, in the middle was a diamond cut to the perfect size and shaped to compliment her long elegant neck. Also on the necklace there were two ruby gems, one on either side of the diamond, both of these were very vibrant and shone an almost purple seeming shade of red that this accentuated the beauty of the exquisite cut diamond. This necklace was one that her mother wore frequently, and she recognised it from the large portrait on the wall in the stairwell.

He also gave her a book of all her favourite writings from throughout her life, since she was a little child, every single word written out perfectly, letter for letter. Letitia said, "Oh father, it is so wonderful, this must have cost you a fortune, these are some of the things I used to read as a child. How did you know these were some of my favourite stories?”

Her father replied, "daughter I have been working on this book since you were two years old, I would always keep a note of what you were reading, I asked your governess, and people who work in the library, I have always loved and cared about you my dear. I am so sorry that I did not see you more often, that is what I regret most of all, that I did not see you grow up. I was always out at sea, too busy with work, now I realise what a silly man I have been. But now I think it is the right time for you to have the book and to know my sorrow that I feel everyday and love that will never die".”Father you wrote this, every single word, you wrote for me", Letitia smiled and a single tear rolled softly down her face then she continued, “Father you are forgiven, I love you so much, at least you are here now”.

But soon after she turned 21 her father fell ill. He died the week after whilst lying in bed. She held him in her arms and cried a thousand tears, yet she has not cried since. He left to her all his worldly possessions, the house, all his money, and the love in his heart. She now travels far and wide across the majestic oceans and through the sweltering deserts, following in her father’s footsteps, but she does not forget to return home whenever she can, to remember her life from the very beginning.

After her father died Letitia found a small collection of letters in amongst her mother’s belongings that spoke of a young boy. Some were written by her mother to another person saying how much she loved this young child called Lancelot that had for some reason never been sent. Others appeared to have been sent to her mother by a variety of different people about the boy’s health and well being.

Along with these letters was a small gold Locket that contained two small finely painted pictures of a boy, one seemed to be very young around the age of three and the other about 15 years old, but she thought they were the same boy spoken of in the letters. After Letitia had found the locket she began to wear it all the time, always having great curiosity in this man, she wanted to find out who he was and why her mother had this locket and the letters in her possession.


Letitia began to become widely known as Lady Likely due to her very uncertain nature, Letitia would always search every possibility of life and death to find what she believes to be the true meaning in her writing of poetry and philosophy. Though with all this searching just seemed to take her further and further away from her dreams of knowing what seems almost impossible to know.

Weapons: She carries a white armoured fan that belonged to her mother; she acquired it after her father’s passing. She would never purposely use this in a violent manner unless it was absolutely necessary, if her own life was in danger. She is not a very good fighter and does not wield it very well; all she knows is some fairly basic uses for the fan that she practised in her spare time. Letitia tends to use the fan more just as it looks threatening rather than actually fighting with it.

Belongings: Letitia owns a large estate that she inherited from her father, the house she grew up in and the beautiful gardens that surround it.

On her travels Letitia carries two rather large leather bags with her that she wears across her shoulders; in one of them she carries her book all her parchment her ink and her quills. In the other bag she carries her spare clothes and materials.

The amount of money she sees necessary for the destination, this is normally at least 700 san.

Although she wears her plain white dresses when she travels she will not only bring two spares of them but also one of her nice and fancy dresses.

She always carries with her the book her father gave her on her 21st birthday, this book consists of lots of different stories, fables, fairy-tales and poems, some of these are:
The snow maiden.
The princess and the white bear.
The black smith and his apprentice.
The hall of broken mirrors.
Love me true.

Every one of these stories was written out perfectly by Letitia's father over the time of 20 years.

The small note Letitia's mother wrote to her before she either killed herself or was murdered, the cause of death is unknown.

12 letters that she found among her mothers possessions after her parent’s death. They are about a young boy who is actually her secret half-brother who she was never told about.

5 blank sheets of parchment rolled up and held by a ribbon tied round them.

2 quills.

2 metal pots of black ink.

She holds the metal pots of ink in a separate small leather pouch, to avoid them spilling out all over her belongings. This bag is of course quite heavy but Letitia is physically strong so she does manage to carry it.

A silver necklace with a diamond and two rubies she wears round her neck; she was given this by her father on her 21st birthday. It once belonged to her mother.

Familiars: None.

Family-
All Letitia knows about her family is their names from what her father has told her and what they look like from paintings on the walls of her large estate, also some of her family had busts and small statues carved of themselves which are situated in different areas throughout the mansion and gardens. She was not told that she had a half-brother by either of her parents, but after her father died she found a small collection of letters in amongst her mother’s belongings that spoke of a young boy some were written by her mother to another person saying how much she loved this young child called Lancelot and others appeared to have been sent to her mother by a variety of different people about the boy’s health and well being.

Along with these letters was a small gold Locket that contained two small finely painted pictures of a boy, one seemed to be very young around the age of three and the other about 15 years old, but she thought they were the same boy spoken of in the letters.

Letitia does have a few living relatives, these are Lancelot Lockhart (half brother), Jessica Hart (aunt on fathers side), Angelica Krypt (cousin, daughter of Jessica Hart), Florence Hart (aunt on fathers side), Letitia Grey (cousin, daughter of Florence Hart), Aroura Roselyn (2nd cousin, granddaughter of Florence Hart, niece of Letitia Grey), Stephan Rosslyn (Aroura Roselyn's biological father, Florence Hart's son-in-law's brother).


Family tree-
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Close family-
Relation to Letitia: Father

Full name: Horatio Lockhart

Year of birth: 1611

Race: Human

Father’s name: Henry Hart

Mother’s name: Gwenith Lock

Father’s race: Human

Mother’s race: Human

Number of siblings: 3

Number of children: 1

Tribe: Erpheronian

Occupation: Naval Captain

Title: Captain

Extra information: He comes from a long line of successful naval officers and captains.



Relation to Letitia: Mother

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Full name: Emily Beau

Year of birth: 1617

Race: Human

Father’s name: Robert Lyon

Mother’s name: Mary Beau

Father’s race: Human

Mother’s race: Human

Number of siblings: 0

Number of children: 2

Tribe: Erpheronian

Occupation: Model and muse for the arts

Title: Eternal Beauty

Extra information: Emily had her first child at the young age of 18; the baby’s father was a Tethinrhim elf that Emily met when she was 17 years old while she was walking in a field about one stral away from her house. The elf’s name was Trenima, he had been injured by an arrow in his leg and Emily saved him. Trenima was 32 years old at the time, and after seducing Emily he fled the area. Just a few weeks later Emily discovered she was pregnant with his baby. It was never known why Trenima had left in such a rush, he did not leave a note or anything behind him, but Emily always suspected that he was in danger, he was always very jumpy and at the time of his departure there seemed to be a lot of strange and suspicious looking people staying round the local area as if they were waiting for something, or someone. 

After she had turned 18 Emily gave birth to a lovely baby boy she named Lancelot, but unfortunately due to her family’s poor background she was unable to keep the baby and was forced to give him up. Emily always kept in contact with the people who took Lancelot to find out how he was and sometimes they would send her small pictures that had been painted off him. Emily latter married Horatio in 1643. Only after she gave birth to Letitia was it that Horatio discovered Emily did have another child, and it just took them further and further apart as they went in their separate directions and left their daughter to be raised by the governess.

Emily did not take her father’s name because they never got on very well so she calls herself by her mother’s maiden name.



Relation to Letitia: Half brother

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Full name: Lancelot Beau

Year of birth: 1635

Race: 50% Elf, 50% Human

Father’s name: Trenima (Unknown surname)

Mother’s name: Emily Beau

Father’s race: Elf

Mother’s race: Human

Number of siblings: 1

Number of children: 0

Tribe: Tethinrhi 50%, Erpheronian 50%, he has always been a bit of a nomad moving around from place to place a lot since he was a young child all he remembers is living in hard conditions with lot of different people and never having one set home or group of people were he felt that he belonged.

Occupation: Messenger, he will travel for miles delivering important messages and transporting packages sometimes picking up passengers along the way.

Title: Nomad

Extra information: Lancelot never knew his parents, as long as he can remember he has been cared for by a range of different people and has travelled fare and wide. Since he was a young boy he has always dreamed of meeting his parents but that is something that in his mind could probably never happen. He did not know his exact year of birth, what tribe his parents were from or anything about them, all he has ever know is that he is part elf and he has always been told that his mother named him Lancelot though he can never really be sure what to believe.



Relation to Letitia: Grandfather on father’s side

Full name: Henry Hart

Year of birth: 1580

Race: Human

Father’s name: Benedict Hart

Mother’s name: Beatrice Styles

Father’s race: Human

Mother’s race: Human

Number of siblings: His mother was pregnant with twins after she had Henry, but sadly they were stillborn

Number of children: 5

Tribe: Erpheronian

Occupation: Ship navigator for the navy

Title: Navigator

Extra information: When he was 14 years old he ran away from home and stowed away on a ship out to sea and did not return home till he was 20 in 1600.



Relation to Letitia: Grandmother on father’s side

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Full name: Gwenith Lock

Year of birth: 1582

Race: Human

Father’s name: Arthur Locket

Mother’s name: Marie Curie

Father’s race: Human

Mother’s race: Human

Number of siblings: 6

Number of children: 4

Tribe: Erpheronian

Occupation: Jeweller

Title: Moonlight Maiden

Extra information: On a lot of nights Gwenith would go outside and just sit on the ground for hours looking up at the stars and the moon in beautiful the night sky. She would prefer going outside at night rather than during the day.



Relation to Letitia: Grandfather on maternal line

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Full name: Robert Lyon

Year of birth: 1592

Race: Human

Father’s name: Richard Lion

Mother’s name: Ruby Kidd

Father’s race: Human

Mother’s race: Human

Number of siblings: 1

Number of Children: 2

Tribe: Erpheronian

Occupation: Miner

Title: Miner

Extra information: He would drink a lot and sometimes beat his wife who he only married because she was pregnant, and they were never really happy.



Relation to Letitia: Grandmother on maternal line

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Full name: Mary Beau

Year of birth: 1595

Race: Human

Father’s name: Lancelot Beauclerc

Mother’s name: Rosslyn Sinclair

Father’s race: Human

Mother’s race: Human

Number of siblings: 0

Number of children: 1

Tribe: Erpheronian

Occupation: Scullery maid at a large estate

Title: Mistress

Extra information: For a number of years (approximately 10 years) she was the mistress of a Lord living in the manor at which she worked. She was never happy with her husband, she only married him because she was pregnant and he would beat her when he got drunk.

« Last Edit: July 11, 2007, 01:36:07 AM by Mina » Logged

"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."


This is quoted from Lady Emma Hamilton in a letter she wrote to Lord Horatio Nelson, her lover, her best friend and the soon to be father of their child.
Letitia De Lockhart
Letitia De Lockhart
Lady Likely
Approved Character
*
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Gender: Female
Posts: 140


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2007, 08:22:12 PM »

Hi everyone, I was just wondering if you could tell me, I have been looking at some of the book in the library on the left hand side of the screen, is it possible for characters to own a copy of any of the books shown in this library and carry them around in a bag with them or something.
Logged

"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."


This is quoted from Lady Emma Hamilton in a letter she wrote to Lord Horatio Nelson, her lover, her best friend and the soon to be father of their child.
Letitia De Lockhart
Drasil Razorfang
Remote Rover
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 1292


Elf, Meladrhim/ Injerin


« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2007, 12:23:14 AM »

Its possible.  It would probably be a copy and seeing as there aren't printers ect, it would have had to have been hand written by a scribe and would be quite expensive.
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Letitia De Lockhart
Lady Likely
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Gender: Female
Posts: 140


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2007, 08:33:58 PM »

Is it okay if I say her father coppied all the stories and poems down out of books from the library and that he found on his travels, to make a book he gave to her on her 21st birthday.
Logged

"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."


This is quoted from Lady Emma Hamilton in a letter she wrote to Lord Horatio Nelson, her lover, her best friend and the soon to be father of their child.
Letitia De Lockhart
Weivóc'Neán
Forsaken
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*
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Posts: 471


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2007, 09:42:26 PM »

Well that seems fine, but one problem, that might be a big book. there are countless stories, poems, and even books from librarys. That book, would have to weigh at least 1 pygge, if it had all the stuff he heard and read. I suggest maybe a collection of books, whch he kept in a little shack which he called his personal library.
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RP'ing: Speech Thoughts
A link to my CD: Weivóc'Neán

May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
Letitia De Lockhart
Lady Likely
Approved Character
*
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Gender: Female
Posts: 140


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2007, 10:10:19 PM »

Sorry, I think you misunderstand me, I did not mean all the books simply the ones I listed in the belongings section, I have added up the amount of pages for each story and the book would be about 50 pages. I do not think the book would way that much,it might way a bit any hard back book would but not that much.
Logged

"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."


This is quoted from Lady Emma Hamilton in a letter she wrote to Lord Horatio Nelson, her lover, her best friend and the soon to be father of their child.
Letitia De Lockhart
Weivóc'Neán
Forsaken
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 471


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2007, 10:17:55 PM »

Sorry, my misunderstanding, I didn't take a look and see if you stated which ones exactly, you just said that he copied alot of the stories and poems, plus other books he got from travels, that is bad on my part.
Logged

RP'ing: Speech Thoughts
A link to my CD: Weivóc'Neán

May this bless all who read it with what it holds:

Sé ilian thelduin onr líf un mor'ranr thelduin onr freohr.
Drasil Razorfang
Remote Rover
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Posts: 1292


Elf, Meladrhim/ Injerin


« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2007, 12:19:45 AM »

Hmm...You'd have to go to the capital of the Santharian Kingdom to do that and get permission to access the Library and Compendium.  Perhaps you could say your father knew the Great Sage?
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Letitia De Lockhart
Lady Likely
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Gender: Female
Posts: 140


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2007, 12:40:06 AM »

Okay thank you I will do that, though just out of curiosity, who is the Great Sage?
Logged

"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."


This is quoted from Lady Emma Hamilton in a letter she wrote to Lord Horatio Nelson, her lover, her best friend and the soon to be father of their child.
Letitia De Lockhart
Drasil Razorfang
Remote Rover
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 1292


Elf, Meladrhim/ Injerin


« Reply #9 on: May 21, 2007, 07:45:37 AM »

Artimidor.
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Letitia De Lockhart
Lady Likely
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Gender: Female
Posts: 140


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #10 on: May 21, 2007, 02:32:40 PM »

Okay thank you, I do know who that is. Also any other comments are welcomed and highly appreciated.
Logged

"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."


This is quoted from Lady Emma Hamilton in a letter she wrote to Lord Horatio Nelson, her lover, her best friend and the soon to be father of their child.
Letitia De Lockhart
Alassiel Telrúnya
Temperamental Bard
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Posts: 1728


Elf, Ak’váth’rhím / Injerín


« Reply #11 on: May 22, 2007, 02:31:03 AM »

Comments in sky blue.

Name: Letitia De Lockhart

Gender: Female

Age: 22

Race: Human

Tribe: Erpheronian

Occupation: Lives of own means, (she inherited all her father’s money and possessions). Sometimes she writes stories and poems to sell if she runs out of money when she is travelling, or she makes clothes to sell in the same situation.

Title: Lady Likely

Appearance-

Height: 1 ped, 2 fore, 1 palmspan

Weight: 1 pygge, 3 heb

Hair colour: Pale blond

Eye colour: Brown

Physical appearance: She is about average height and build, her skin is pale white but has a light shade of yellow in places. Her eyes are brown; they are quite wide and bold, and they stand out well especially from the rest of her face as her nose and mouth are quite small and well shaped. Her lips are a pale pink colour and have a small pout; her smile is elegant and graceful showing some of her pearly white teeth. She has a small button nose, it is well shaped and not very long, it also has a bit of a point on the end. Her face is almost perfectly symmetrical and it is all in good proportion although her piercing eyes are the main features of her face.

When she walks it seems more like she is gliding smoothly of even flouting (Did you mean, 'or even floating?'), her steps are light and her long flowing dresses hides her feet. Her hair is long and curly, but most of the time she wears it up nicely in a clip with ringlets on her head and just draping down the back of her neck. Her neck is long and slender, very well defined yet with a majestic quality about it.  

Clothing: Although Letitia can easily afford to buy clothes if she needs them, a lot of the time she prefers to make her own clothes as she is very skilled with a needle, she buy's some of the best materials to be imported from far and wide and she makes some beautiful long dresses with a range of different patterns that she embroiders. The general style of the clothes she wears can vary a lot, there is no set fashion, although she will mostly wear long, lightly coloured, silk dresses, nicely embroider with the greatest of precision. When she travels Letitia tries not to stand out so much so she will try and hide her wealth by wearing simply a white silk dress with no embroidery but very plane (I think you mean plain), but she does take some of her finer cloths with her to wear when she can. Also sometimes she will wear a white linen cape over her dress; she always wears white and other light colours to show her purity.

Wouldn't wearing white make her stand out a bit, instead of making her more inconspicuous, like you seem to want? Of course, I'm not saying that she will always be the only person wearing white in a public place, but I don't think wearing white is too common either.

Personality: She can be quite rebellious if she feels that someone is doing something wrong, and she is not afraid to speak her mind. She has very strong opinions on a large range of different subjects and will spend hours debating with a person simply to get her point across and make them see things from her point of view. Also she can be very emotional, although she may not show it all the time as she does not want to risk being seen as weak.

She is not a feminist but she does not believe in marrying for purposes of money or a title, the only reason she would ever marry is for love. She hates men who give themselves to anyone and the women who let these men take them. She believes that people should give themselves only to the person who is worth them. No one more and no one less.

I think you could develop more on your personality...but I don't really know what. Sorry! Just try to think of something more to put into that section of your CD...I feel that it is not quite complete.

Strengths:

•   She is a very skilled writer and reader.
•   She has plenty of money so she can afford to buy what she may need at any certain time.
•   She is not only mentally strong but also physically strong as well.

Weaknesses:

•   Having so much money on her can make her vulnerable to attack or having her belonging's stolen.
•   She is not very skilled with her armoured fan which is her only means of protection.
•   She is not very good with directions and can get lost easily.

Many people make the mistake (myself included) of putting their inability to use a weapon as a weakness. Understand that not knowing how to use a weapon is very common. Could you think up another weakness?

History: Letitia was born into a very wealthy household, her mother was well known for her exquisite beauty and her father for his high rank and impressive bravery in service to the Navy I'm not sure about this, but does a Navy exist in Santharia?). Her father had many well known and important friends including the Great Sage, this gave their family access to a lot of grand privileges. There (Do you mean 'their'?) family seemed almost perfect; riches, beauty and brains, but the reality of their life was sad and lonely. Letitia was raised by the family governess; she was a nice lady who would teach Letitia to read, write, sew and embroider with excellent precision, having such a good education gave her a good mind and made her very wise from a young age. Letitia was well spoken and wrote very neatly which did make her feel rather different from a lot of the other kids, so she would spend her days in her room practising skills of life and learning quotes from some of the greatest writers ever to have graced the world.

A small nitpicky thing, could you split this up into two smaller paragraphs, please and thank you!

As Letitia grew in age, independence and intelligence, she also grew in her rebellion. She would debate with anyone who thought it necessary to try and change her, never letting go and would fight to the very end. She wanted more than to simply be another snobby ('Snobbish' is the word) upper class woman. Letitia knew she was smarter than most men and had more guts, but she was constantly held back by the word of her illusive parents who she never even knew.
  
As a child Letitia never saw her parents, all she had of them was the many large portraits on the walls in her house; her father was always out at sea or with one of his many mistresses and her mother suffered from severe depression. When Letitia was 14 years old her governess moved away.

When Letitia was only 15 she was going for a walk in the gardens of her house simply to get some fresh air, when she saw what looked almost like a river of ruby red blood, shimmering in the sun. It slowly streamed down the hill ahead and rested as a small puddle not far from where Letitia stood. She began to walk up the hill with curiosity to find the source of the blood expecting to find an animal that had been injured, but when she got to the top she was shocked to see the body of a woman drowning in a sea of her own blood. At first Letitia did not recognise the body and when she saw it she took a sudden breath in feeling rather stunned by the shock.

Letitia walked closer to the body and stood over it looking sickeningly at the bloody corpse, and then she got down on her knees to get a proper look at the face. After she cleaned some of the blood away from the face she realised who it was. It was her mother; once famed for her beauty, her face was now withered and dead from all. The sad thing about this was the only way Letitia could possibly recognise her mother was because for every day of her life she had walked past a big portrait of her on the wall in the stairwell. (That doesn't sound right. How about, 'she had walked past a big portrait of her on the wall in the stairwell almost every day of her life'?) Letitia lightly placed a kiss on her mother’s check and as she did she court sight of a small piece of paper on the floor nearby. She picked it up and unfolded it carefully trying not to damage it, the paper was blood stained and torn at the edges but it simply exclaimed (It shouldn't be exclaimed, how about something like 'said', or 'read'?), “I am so sorry my darling Letitia, mummy loves you”. A tear fell from her eye and rolled slowly down her cheek leaving a small damp trail in its path, the single tear dripped from her cheek onto the paper.

Could you also split this into two smaller paragraphs, please.

So far, I think you have a slight puntuation problem. You use too many commas. Try adding 'and's to some sentences, or start a new sentence.


On the day of her mother’s funeral Letitia did not wear black, but she simply put on a plain white dress, and she would exclaim to all that questioned her, “My mother is not dead, but simply free, she would not want my sadness and in my opinion black is sad, black is dead”. Letitia’s father did attend the funeral, and when most of the other people had left she found him sitting on his own crying, she had never seen her father cry before, she had barely ever seen her father before, as he was crying she approached him and said softly, “Father please do not cry, I do not know you but I wish I could, please you are all I have left, it may not be much but it is something”. Her father looked up at her his eyes filled with pain and sorrow then he stood to his feet and held her in a tight embrace, smelling her hair and trying to take in all he could about her, “My dear, Letitia, you have grown so well a wonderful young Lady you have become, I cannot believe I have missed so much, I wish I could just turn back the clock, but I unfortunately cannot so I am not missing another minute of you.” He cried, then Letitia replied, “father it is okay I forgive you, I am growing up now and will not be staying around here forever, I want to travel like you have, just know I love you father”. They finished talking and just treasured that moment with all their hearts.

Since that day Letitia and her father have been very close, although they are not always together, they are in spirit. Letitia lived with her father in their house for another 6 years. On Letitia's 21st birthday her father gave her a book of all her favourite writing's from throughout her life, since she was a little child, every single word written out perfectly, and letter for letter. Letitia said, "Oh father, it is so wonderful, this must have cost you a fortune, these are some of the things I used to read as a child, how you knew these were some of my favourite stories". Her father replied, "daughter I have been working on this book since you were 2 years old, I would always keep a note of what you were reading, I asked your governess, and people who work in the library, I have always loved and cared about you my dear, I was simply to silly a man to show it. But now I think it is the right time for you to have the book, now you no longer have to go to the library for everything, you have it all right here with you". "Father you wrote this, every single word, you wrote, for me", Letitia smiled and a single tear rolled softly down her face.  

But not soon after she turned 21 her father fell ill died the week after whilst lying in bed, she held him in her arms and cried a thousand tears, yet she has not cried since. He left to her all his worldly possessions, the house, all his money, and the love in his heart. She now travels far and wide across the majestic oceans and through the sweltering deserts, following in her father’s footsteps, but she does not forget to return home whenever she can, to remember her life from the very beginning.

Weapons: She carries a white in colour armoured fan that belonged to her mother, she acquired it after her father’s passing. She would never purposely use this in a violent manner, unless it is absolutely necessary, if her own was in danger.

Belongings: Letitia owns a large estate that she inherited from her father, the house she grew up in and the beautiful gardens that surround it.

When Letitia travels she takes with her the amount of money she sees necessary for the destination, this is normally at least 700 san.

She always carries with her the book her father gave her on her 21st birthday, this book consists of loads of different stories, fables, fairy-tales and poems, some of these are:
The Rimmrunner.
The snow maiden.
The princess and the white bear.
The black smith and his apprentice.
The dancing wooden shoes
The white corbie.
The other side.
The hall of broken mirrors.
The phoenix.
Dawn.
The Birch maiden.
Love me true.
As only I can love.
The forest of death.
The meguahariand and the sorcerer.
Every one of these stories was written out perfectly by Letitia's father over the time of 20 years.

The small note Letitia's mother wrote to her before she either killed herself or was murdered, the cause of death is unknown.

20 blank sheets of parchment rolled up and held by a ribbon tied round them.

2 quills.

2 metal pots of black ink.

About your list of books, you don't need to name many to emphasize how many stories are in the book. 3 to 5 examples will do.

How does she carry her belongings? Surely she can't carry a heavy book, a note, parchment, quills and pots of ink by hand. You might also want to mention how she keeps the ink from spilling.

And the most important thing is your comma problem. You keep trying to join up sentences which should have been separate sentences. Start a new sentence every now and then, and add some little details to make it sound more natural. Sometimes there are missing commas where there should be one, and I noticed you added an unneeded apostrophe to a couple of words. Good grammar is much appreciated in Santharia. ;)

Good luck with your CD!

Alassiel Telrúnya
« Last Edit: May 22, 2007, 03:20:49 AM by Alassiel Telrúnya » Logged

Letitia De Lockhart
Lady Likely
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« Reply #12 on: May 22, 2007, 03:10:31 AM »

Thank you for the comments, I have done most of the changes you suggested except for the personality that I will work on when I get some ideas of what to write. Also on the Erpheronians tribe page under occupations/military occupations it said the Navy. Plus I look forward to the continuation of the Uri.
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"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."


This is quoted from Lady Emma Hamilton in a letter she wrote to Lord Horatio Nelson, her lover, her best friend and the soon to be father of their child.
Letitia De Lockhart
Alassiel Telrúnya
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Elf, Ak’váth’rhím / Injerín


« Reply #13 on: May 22, 2007, 03:21:31 AM »

I've finished the Uri, just letting you know! :)

EDIT: You know your History, could you split the 2nd last and 3rd last paragraphs into smaller paragraphs. Thank you!
« Last Edit: May 22, 2007, 03:25:17 AM by Alassiel Telrúnya » Logged

Letitia De Lockhart
Lady Likely
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Posts: 140


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #14 on: May 22, 2007, 03:31:06 AM »

Okay I will change that and I am so sorry about the grammar. I will try to sort that out but grammar has never really been my strong point, well  I say not my strong point I really mean I am absolutely hopeless. I try my best.
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"I love him, I adore him, my mind and soul is now transported with the thought of that blessed ecstatic moment when I shall see him, embrace him...
I must sin on and love him more than ever. It is a crime worth going to hell for."


This is quoted from Lady Emma Hamilton in a letter she wrote to Lord Horatio Nelson, her lover, her best friend and the soon to be father of their child.
Letitia De Lockhart
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