Laell Harleis of Bardavos, Breadmaker

[Laell]

Name Laell Harleis

Gender Female

Age 20

Race Human

Tribe Centoraurian, Eyelian, Erpheronain
 You listened to her tale closely here, it is evident; maybe a bit too closely. It is apparent, as you've listed, that the features of her face and figure possibly stem from her mother's Erpheronian, from which she is primarily descended. However, it might be true that you listened a little more than you thought; it is impossible that her height stems from her father's dwarven ancestry; you should know by now that the blood of dwarves does not flow through the bodies of men. What you should consider is the Eyelian stemming from her father's mother; while it is apparent that her name is an old Centoraurian name.

Occupation Breadmaking. She would like to pretend as well that she is a blade-maiden and a sword for hire, but her true trade stems from her mother, and that is baking.

Title Blade-maiden

Overview
     She is a spoiled daughter of a rich, brilliant mechanical engineer. Although she lives alone, she often receives visits from her errant brother, and spends her days, mostly, baking bread and dreaming about adventure.

Appearance:

      Height
      Laell is short. She told you that much, and gave you her often recited data, which she was recently told by someone who should know, "A ped, a fore, and three palmspans."

      Weight
      9 Hebs. She told you that? Not really surprising, though. She's familiar with weights; uses them frequently to sell bread.

      Hair Colour
      Red

      Eye Colour
      Green

      Physical Appearance
      The first thing you noticed when glancing over her physique was her long, blood-red hair, cascading freely from her shoulders down to her hips. The next was her small, pointed facial features, and brilliant, playful green eyes. Then, as your eyes drew downward, you were made aware of the faintest impressions and subtle suggestions of a woman's figure; present, but not obvious or extreme. Her legs and arms in proportion to her height; she almost looks like a child with her mischievous smile, her soft musical voice... a man could be lost in the imagination for some time after an interview such as you had.
     
      Clothing
      It isn't surprising that she dressed in her common colors, even knowing she was to be interviewed. It shows in what is to follow. Her pretty, complementing Allia blouse and waterberry blue skirt, which clashed so readily against her hair - it is, of course, only fitting, as the sequel proves.

      Personality
      You found her outgoing and frank; as was expected. You also found her emotional and compassionate, which, it could be surmised, is a little less understandable. At once, she is cruel, yet kind; fatal, yet harmless. The very idea defies again your explanation, and asking her certainly brought you no assistance. She would torture her peers with ridiculous questions for no reason, and then as if on a whim, stand up and defend the humblest of them. There is an answer, of course, and it lies in both the way she was raised, her playful nature, and her great heart. Taught to ever defend the lesser privileged, yet prone to tease; still, she would never knowingly offend a friend. Yet, you have not seen her reaction to a true enemy, which it seems would be much, much different, and on this she was able to describe it well. She would kill, without hesitation, without thought; granted, she may regret and pine, wander about numbly for days afterwards, but to commit the actual deed, there would be no second thoughts.

Strengths and Weaknesses
     
      Strengths
      She showed you examples of her swordplay, taught her by her father, and it would be wrong of you not to confess that what she knows, she knows well. She is of course young, and an unprincipled student; but should a passing brigand think her easy prey, he would find himself quickly mistaken.

Her indomitable spirit, too, should not go without mention. You could have browbeat her for hours, with little effect. Mayhap she doesn't take it to heart, may be that she ignores you entirely. It is most likely that if she does not see how something applies to her, it simply bears no effect on her.

It would be wrong to fail to state her ability to fall back on her profession. Laell is never without money, but her father's brilliance alone, nor her mother's work is to blame. Her own hands are generally found at the oven or the batter, and that too for a pretty sextet of sans for half a loaf. She swears her bread is the best, and you don't seem to be arguing.

      Weaknesses
      Ah, yes. Now you lay before your eager audience her shortcomings; but what mortal would remain mortal without them? First, you might notice her stature, or lack thereof. Small, inexperienced and relatively weak, she is easy prey, and the occupation of her fantasies could in no wise suit her.

Justification could well be marked as her shortcoming. She rarely sees what she does as wrong, which you yourself proved during your interview. It is hard for her to see her actions as flaws, even when they are ridiculously foolish and immature. Many a prospective customer could be turned away by this, not to mention a powerful ally.

Pride would be another well worth mentioning, and while these may not catalog the entire scope of her being, you are right to point them out as prime examples. Almost to the point of conceit, she believes her workmanship superior. She can be hurt and offended when set aside in favor of someone else's goods, products, services, even acts of amusement, even when the truth simply stands that they are superior, either intentionally or by some whim of Seyella.

History
      Her tale is a short, yet intense one. She was born to a genius father and hard-working mother; her father a blacksmith by trade and an engineer by profession, her mother a baker by both trade and profession. She is the younger, technically speaking, of twins, the only children her parents ever had. Distantly, living in the past, as it were, she told you about her father's mysterious disappearance one night in Bardavos after bringing home a stranger; you have since learned that the man Jarred Harleis invited into his home to see his works was a criminal mastermind, and it is almost certain, though unproven, that it was he who had Jarred killed that night, to keep him silent. This mastermind was never apprehended by the Bardavos officials, but later murdered by yet another faction of that great city's underground. That, however, was not the tale she told, only what you have since gleaned.

After her father's death, Laell's mother worked hard day in and day out to feed her little ones, until they turned sixteen. They had been helping her actively, as best they could for six short years before exhaustion overtook her, and coupled with anguish, she departed this life.

That, of course, is only an overview. During her first ten years, her father taught her some swordplay, and since she turned twelve she has faithfully devoted time every day to her practices. She knows no more than the simple maneuvers taught as a child.

Her mother baked bread day and night, and her children were as actively engaged. That Laell knows how to bake bread, and well, is thus no surprise. Although she wanders, she often finds herself renting an oven somewhere, and taking credit on a few materials, leaning on that never-failing practice to earn her keep.

     Weapons
      A longsword, generally hidden on her person.

      Belongings
      Aside from her longsword, she owns a cart, which generally carries several hebs of wheat and some carefully prepared yeast base; her bedding, fire-making tools, and whetstones and the like for her blade.

     Familiars
    Nearly anywhere she goes, behind her follows, almost without the need of reins, a small grey donkey. Behind this donkey is secured her cart, and with this simple means, and a little extra persuasion when the animal makes up its mind against her will, she moves from place to place.

[Mimi Dorgren]

What you have so far is excellently written! But I tell you the mods want to have tribes, not just a hint that the name is Centoraurian! (Where do her features come from..)

[Laell]

The features? My imagination. >.< Sorry, but I haven't scanned through the tribes to see what would fit. And besides, "tribe" is usually a patriarchal reference, isn't it?

[Mina]

Erm, I don't think so.  Tribe is basically ethnicity.  If your character's ancestors are from different tribes (more than 2 is very unusual though), she's considered to belong to all of them. 

[Zack Ramsey]

Wow is my first thought. Though your history confused me, as stupid as that makes me sound, I did not realize that you had yet to finish. I am impressed and jealous at the same time about your character and yet your character is not done yet I still have to say I see nothing wrong and I can not wait to see the finished character. Very well written!

[Laell]

There it is! Look for the colored headings for changes.

[Laell]

Ummm.... not to push, but I think I'm done here. Some look-overs would be nice, and if I'm ready, I'd like to be moved on. I don't mean to put myself ahead of others who need your attention, but...

[Thorgas Ironforge]

Hello Laell, and welcome to the Dream.
I'm back as promised, in the fiery color of red.

Name Laell Harleis

Gender Female

Age 20

Race Human

Tribe
 You listened to her tale closely here, it is evident; maybe a bit too closely. It is apparent, as you've listed, that the features of her face and figure possibly stem from her mother's Cyhalloian Kasumarii, from which she is primarily descended. However, it might be true that you listened a little more than you thought; it is impossible that her height stems from her father's dwarven ancestry; you should know by now that the blood of dwarves does not flow through the bodies of men. What you should consider is the Eyelian stemming from her father's mother; while it is apparent that her name is an old Centoraurian name.(I have to read through a lot of words just to find your tribe. There's nothing wrong with it, but I personally prefer that only her tribe should be listed here. If you want, you can include this part as an introduction in your history.)

Occupation Breadmaking. She would like to pretend as well that she is a blade-maiden and a sword for hire, but her true trade stems from her mother, and that is baking.

Title Blade-maiden

Overview
     She is a spoiled daughter of a rich, brilliant mechanical engineer. Although she lives alone, she often receives visits from her errant brother, and spends her days, mostly, baking bread and dreaming about adventure.

Appearance:

      Height
      Laell is short. She told you that much, and gave you her often recited data, which she was recently told by someone who should know, "A ped, a fore, and three palmspans."(Same comment here.)

      Weight
      9 Hebs. She told you that? Not really surprising, though. She's familiar with weights; uses them frequently to sell bread.(Same comment here.)

      Hair Colour
      Red(Not a typical color for the ka-rii nor the eyelians.)

      Eye Colour
      Green

We prefer that you list them in this format:
Name: Laell Harleis

Gender: Female

Age: 20

Race: Human

Tribe
 You listened to her tale closely here, it is evident; maybe a bit too closely. It is apparent, as you've listed, that the features of her face and figure possibly stem from her mother's Cyhalloian Kasumarii, from which she is primarily descended. However, it might be true that you listened a little more than you thought; it is impossible that her height stems from her father's dwarven ancestry; you should know by now that the blood of dwarves does not flow through the bodies of men. What you should consider is the Eyelian stemming from her father's mother; while it is apparent that her name is an old Centoraurian name.

Occupation: Breadmaking. She would like to pretend as well that she is a blade-maiden and a sword for hire, but her true trade stems from her mother, and that is baking.

Title: Blade-maiden

Overview
     She is a spoiled daughter of a rich, brilliant mechanical engineer. Although she lives alone, she often receives visits from her errant brother, and spends her days, mostly, baking bread and dreaming about adventure.

Appearance:

Height: Laell is short. She told you that much, and gave you her often recited data, which she was recently told by someone who should know, "A ped, a fore, and three palmspans."(Same comment here.)
Weight: 9 Hebs. She told you that? Not really surprising, though. She's familiar with weights; uses them frequently to sell bread.(Same comment here.)
Hair Colour: Red
Eye Colour: Green


      Physical Appearance
      The first thing you noticed when glancing over her physique was her long, blood-red hair(See comment about hair above.), cascading freely from her shoulders down to her hips. The next was her small, pointed facial features, and brilliant, playful green eyes. Then, as your eyes drew downward, you were made aware of the faintest impressions and subtle suggestions of a woman's figure; present, but not obvious or extreme. Her legs and arms in proportion to her height; she almost looks like a child with her mischievous smile, her soft musical voice... a man could be lost in the imagination for some time after an interview such as you had.
     
      Clothing
      It isn't surprising that she dressed in her common colors, even knowing she was to be interviewed. It shows in what is to follow. Her pretty, complementing Allia blouse and waterberry blue skirt, which clashed so readily against her hair - it is, of course, only fitting, as the sequel proves.

      Personality
      You found(find) her outgoing and frank; as was expected. You also found her emotional and compassionate, which, it could be surmised, is a little less understandable. At once, she is cruel, yet kind; fatal, yet harmless. The very idea defies again your explanation, and asking her certainly brought you no assistance. She would torture her peers with ridiculous questions for no reason, and then as if on a whim, stand up and defend the humblest of them. There is an answer, of course, and it lies in both the way she was raised, her playful nature, and her great heart. Taught to ever defend the lesser privileged, yet prone to tease; still, she would never knowingly offend a friend. Yet, you have not seen her reaction to a true enemy, which it seems would be much, much different, and on this she was able to describe it well. She would kill, without hesitation, without thought; granted, she may regret and pine, wander about numbly for days afterwards, but to commit the actual deed, there would be no second thoughts.

Strengths and Weaknesses
     
      Strengths
      She showed you examples of her swordplay, taught her by her father, and it would be wrong of you not to confess that what she knows, she knows well. She is of course young, and an unprincipled student; but should a passing brigand think her easy prey, he would find himself quickly mistaken.

Her indomitable spirit, too, should not go without mention. You could have browbeat her for hours, with little effect. Mayhap she doesn't take it to heart, may be that she ignores you entirely. It is most likely that if she does not see how something applies to her, it simply bears no effect on her.

It would be wrong to fail to state her ability to fall back on her profession. Laell is never without money, but her father's brilliance alone, nor her mother's work is to blame. Her own hands are generally found at the oven or the batter, and that too for a pretty sextet of sans for half a loaf. She swears her bread is the best, and you don't seem to be arguing.

      Weaknesses
      Ah, yes. Now you lay before your eager audience her shortcomings; but what mortal would remain mortal without them? First, you might notice her stature, or lack thereof. Small, inexperienced and relatively weak, she is easy prey, and the occupation of her fantasies could in no wise suit her.

Justification could well be marked as her shortcoming. She rarely sees what she does as wrong, which you yourself proved during your interview. It is hard for her to see her actions as flaws, even when they are ridiculously foolish and immature. Many a prospective customer could be turned away by this, not to mention a powerful ally.

Pride would be another well worth mentioning, and while these may not catalog the entire scope of her being, you are right to point them out as prime examples. Almost to the point of conceit, she believes her workmanship superior. She can be hurt and offended when set aside in favor of someone else's goods, products, services, even acts of amusement, even when the truth simply stands that they are superior, either intentionally or by some whim of Seyella.

History
      Her tale is a short, yet intense one. She was born to a genius father and hard-working mother; her father a blacksmith by trade and an engineer by profession, her mother a baker by both trade and profession. She is the younger, technically speaking, of twins, the only children her parents ever had. Distantly, living in the past, as it were, she told you about her father's mysterious disappearance one night in Bardavos after bringing home a stranger; you have since learned that the man, Jarred Harleis invited into his home to see his works was a criminal mastermind(I can't understand this sentence.), and it is almost certain, though unproven, that it was he who had Jarred killed that night, to keep him silent. This mastermind was never apprehended by the Bardavos officials, but later murdered by yet another faction of that great city's underground. That, however, was not the tale she told, only what you have since gleaned.(You haven't mention in your history how your parents met, since the kasumarii live in Cyhalloi, and the eyelians in Nybelmar, separated by the ocean. Also, I can't understand most of your sentences.)

After her father's death, Laell's mother worked hard day in and day out to feed her little ones, until they turned sixteen. They had been helping her actively, as best they could for six short years before exhaustion overtook her, and coupled with anguish, she departed this life.

That, of course, is only an overview. During her first ten years, her father taught her some swordplay, and since she turned twelve she has faithfully devoted time every day to her practices. She knows no more than the simple maneuvers taught as a child.

Her mother baked bread day and night, and her children were as actively engaged. That Laell knows how to bake bread, and well, is thus no surprise. Although she wanders, she often finds herself renting an oven somewhere, and taking credit on a few materials, leaning on that never-failing practice to earn her keep.

I suggest checking your history again and correcting any errors. Also, fix your sentences.

      Weapons
      A longsword, generally hidden on her person.(What? Explain.)

      Belongings
      Only her longsword is unusual.(What? Explain.)

And there you go. Please read up the entry on both tribes.
Have a nice day.

[Vesk Lyricahl]

1. I like how you've described her heritage, its original and mysterious, but we still need to know how such a cross came about. In my opinion an explanation is needed since one of her tribes, the Kasumarii, hails from a different continent. If all of her tribes were native to Santharia, as the rest are, then I think an explanation wouldn't be necessary. So one option would be to change the tribe of her mother, which shouldn't be difficult since Laell's features don't seem to be those of the Kar-ii. I would suggest changing the mother's tribe to Erpheronian since that would explain the red hair nicely.

2. I'd like you to tell us what her belongings are instead of just saying the sword is the only unusual item. You don't have to tell us everything she possesses, just give us some idea of what she carries with her as she travels.

[Laell]

Thanks for the pointers, Vesk. I've put the "official" tribe next to the category in red, and kept the description; also, added some items and a familiar. Look for the green titles!

Also, Thorgas, while I appreciate your input... Try to read it as though it was in the second person, someone talking to you about something you did.

[Thorgas Ironforge]

That is alright. What I was pointing out is that I had a hard time finding your tribe because of all those extra words.

Have a nice day.

[Mina]

I am slightly confused.  It looks like her parents are Erpheronian and Eyelian, so how could she be Centoraurian? 

[Vesk Lyricahl]

From my understanding of it, it is her father's mother that is Eyelian, so maybe the father is only half Eyelian. So she'd be half Erpheronian, a quarter Eyelian, and a quarter Centoraurian and belongs to all three tribes.

And Thorgas, the Eyelians are native to Santharia. They did originally come from Nybelmar, millenia ago, so maybe thats what you're thinking of.

[Laell]

Yes, father's mother is what it says. I put in red the tribe I thought would be most... appropriate, her patriarchal lineage, but I think it's... really a matter of culture, and I'm not quite sure where that fits.

edit: This is also why I put "of Bardavos" in the thread subject, rather than a tribe name.

[Vesk Lyricahl]

The listing of tribes is more about heritage than it is culture. So it should say that she belongs to all three tribes instead of just the one.

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