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Author Topic: Grial  (Read 3050 times)
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Grial
Lyra's Guardian
Approved Character
*
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Gender: Male
Posts: 123


Orc, Orcristh


« on: July 17, 2007, 11:15:17 AM »

Name: Grial Tyrian or simply "One eye Grial” due to having only one eye.

Gender: Male

Age: 58

Race: Orc

Tribe: Orcristh

Occupation: Warrior, now a bodyguard or a guardian as Grial so eloquently puts it

Title: Lyra`s Guardian

Appearance: Grial is old by orc standards , and the bright black skin which his tribe is known for has faded a little , however his build has not .
Powerful muscles cover his body, and standing at 1.80 peds, he shows a commanding figure.
Long black hair plaited by many colorful beads cover his head and his eye, of bright red that seems to analyze every movement of his surroundings.

Personality: The orcs are an ancient race, and while some of them are nothing less than murderers, Grial is not such a one.
Known amongst the Orcristh for his honor, never will his weapons become tainted by innocent blood.
He is violent , but his bloodlust is controlled , he lives by the notion that power without goals is nothing and fortunately for most he decided to uphold fairness .
Not to get it wrong, he is motivated by a desire for good, but not entirely controlled by it, there is good and evil in everyone, and Grial is no exception.
Contrary to his brethren, he does not follow Gra’khron and Mruk’chal, he believes in what he sees and so far he hasn't seen evidence of gods to believe in them.
Strengths:
-Grial is an orc, and a powerful one no less. Every attack he makes comes with devastating strength.
-"Scarlet Crusher”, is a weapon unusual to see in Orcristh hands, being a two handed mace, it is so heavy that it takes even the strongest human just to lift it.
There are few armors that can resist a swing of this weapon and frail bodies break like twigs.
-A sage once said, "With age comes great wisdom” .Grial's mind is sharp, able to calculate his enemies movements one step ahead of them.
 
Weaknesses:
-While the strength remains the same as it was in his youth, Grial was never someone with great speed or agility of movement to begin with; this is when his age takes its toll, making him even slower.
-Lyra, is the human child he promised to protect at all costs, and he takes that promise very seriously.
Most enemies are without honor and when facing an orc, they prefer to attack the child, forcing Grial to attack always with Lyra's safety on his mind, and be more distracted than is recommended.
Also, it is a strange sight to see a human child accompanying an orc. Most people make the assumption that Lyra is forced to by Grial and more than once he has had to push them away.
-Grial has only one eye, making his perception a lot less than most people.
 
Weapons:


Grial's only weapon, "The Scarlet Crusher" was named by a friend of his, noticing that Grial never cleans the blood stains of the head of the mace, giving a bloody colour to it.
The mace itself is quite simple and deadly, the rod and head are covered with spikes is made of reinforced steel, and the only thing worthy of mentioning is that the weight is twice that another mace of the same height, heavy and deadly.

Companion:
Lyra is a 6 years old child.
Grial knows little about her background, for the child is rather shy.
Since Grial rescued her, Lyra has grown quite fond of the old orc, despite of his appearance he is rather gentle to her.
She has blond hair and big innocent blue eyes.

History:

Grial's story begins as most of his brethren's do, born to a warrior; it was natural that he became one as well.
Like all orc children are, he was trained in the fine art of war, and by the age of 16, the time of proving himself on the battlefield had come.
It was that day that two of the most important events of his life happened, the loss of his right eye and the choice of weapon that would follow throughout his life.
Sent as part of a small party to put down some human outlaws that came from Zhun, which were doing some small raids.

As the small group of orcs found the humans, the attack was brutal, although outnumbered the orcs were stronger than them and did not think twice about killing them.

Grial fought bravely and as he dispatched his first opponent, he relished on his first killing, becoming distracted, a bandit wounded his eye and as the blood poured from it, Grial thought it was the end, it was then that his hand grabbed a mace that a dead bandit had, and with fury he swung the mace with such strength towards his assailant that smashed his helmet and head altogether.
Even in his pain , Grial marveled to see the effect that the mace did to the human skull , not even his helmet could protect him , and Grial knew if he attacked him with a sword , could be dead by know .

Returning to his tribe , he talked to his father about his wish to forge a two handed blunt weapon , but his father shook his head , for such a thing was not common to hear , but he did as his son wished , and with all the money that his father could give , he asked the smith to forge his desired weapon , using the steel that could probably make four or five swords , the extremely heavy two handed mace was done .

It took Grial many years to properly use the mace, but his efforts were rewarded.
Stories were told to the children, about the one eyed orc that used a huge two handed mace to crush his enemies, about the orc that refused to kill unarmed enemies and refused to raise his mace to attack someone he deemed innocent.
As the years passed, Grial grew older, and by luck or sheer instinct he reached the age of 50 and realizing that most of his brethren died before they reached such age, it was then that he made a promise to himself, to try to live his life to the fullest.
He wasn't afraid of dying, but to die a worthless death was not for him, there was much to see before his eye closed forever.
At 58 years old, he was an elder to his tribe, but unhappy with this role, one day without saying anything he grabbed his trusted weapon, and left for adventure.

Traveling for days, he wanted to take a ship at the city of Cusca towards the continent of Santharia.
Along his way he found a most peculiar scene, a group of 3 bandits attacking an old man and a child, feeling his blood boil at such cowards, Grial rushed towards them and before they could do anything one of them was on the floor with his head smashed, not willing to fight a blood frenzied orc, the remaining bandits ran.
Grial approached the old man who was on the floor and looking at the dagger in his chest , he realized that the human didn't have much time , the old man coughed a bit of blood and raising his voice he asked , "Is someone there ?", kneeling near the old man , Grial noticed that he was blind , "Yes , the bandits have run , they won't be returning soon ", the old man forced a smile and said "Good , thank for your kindness , is the child well ?", Grial noticed the child hidden behind the carriage as well as other two bodies , "Yes , she is unharmed and there are two bodies near her .", with a pained look , the old man said ,"Ah my faithful servants , loyal to the end , they have protected the child , tell me my friend , is my wound bad ?",Grial then said ,"I am sorry , but it is fatal , you have but a few moments of life , can I do something to ease your pain ?".
With a smile the old man shook his head and said,” No, there is only one thing I want to ask you.
You sound like a powerful warrior, I beg you to take the child to her mother in Santharia, and I know it is a lot to ask, but I have enough money on the carriage to pay for your expenses...”
With a sad smile, Grial said,"How do you know you can trust me? As far you know I could be a murderer..."

Old man interrupted saying,"No my friend, anyone who attacks a group of bandits to protect an old man and a child is someone worthy of trust and as you can see I am not in the position of being picky.”
Grial then said, "Very well, rest assured that the child will be delivered to her mother, what’s the mother's name?”

"Her name is Selene Silverstone, you can find her at Voldar ...” the old man's mouth remained opened, but it was dead, with a gentle move Grial closed the man's eyes and mumbled "Rest in peace, human ".
Getting up , Grial looked at child still hidden and with the softest voice he could , said "Come child , I will not harm you", slowly the child came and cautiously she stood before Grial with tears in her eyes , resting his huge hand on the child's head , he said "Do not cry child, the worst is over, tell what is your name ?", raising her big blue eyes , she said still with tears , "Lyra. My name is Lyra ."

Picking up the small child and putting her on his shoulder much to Lyra's surprise, Grial said,"Well then Lyra, make yourself comfortable, for this will be a long journey."
« Last Edit: July 24, 2007, 04:28:41 PM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

“Power is no blessing in itself, except when it is used to protect the innocent.”
<a href="http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php?topic=4460.0 target="top">Grial[/url]
DungeonMaster
New Santharian

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Posts: 27


« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2007, 01:33:31 AM »

A monstrous cd. this wont take very long to be approved in my opinion...
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
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***
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Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2007, 02:36:49 AM »

Looking good Grail!

I just have a couple of basic things before I do any "nit-picking" comments.

Run a spellcheck please. There should be one built into the site to make it easier for you.

Double check your punctuation (extra spaces between commas, periods and words that are unnecessary)

Just clean it up a bit, so it looks neat and clean.  Thumb up
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Grial
Lyra's Guardian
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 123


Orc, Orcristh


« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2007, 10:23:21 AM »

Why ty Dungeonmaster and Kalina.

I have done the spellcheck and now wait for for your kind comments ( I hope ).
Logged

“Power is no blessing in itself, except when it is used to protect the innocent.”
<a href="http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php?topic=4460.0 target="top">Grial[/url]
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2007, 12:13:59 AM »

Ok, I ran through the whole CD fixing some spelling and grammar that were missed.

I will be back with more detailed comments after a bit.
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Vesk Lyricahl
Woeful Rover
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1454


Human, Eyelian


« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2007, 11:09:57 AM »

Grammar check in lime.

Name: Grial Tyrian or simply "One eye Grial” due to he having only one eye.

Gender: Male

Age: 58

Race: Orc

Tribe: Orcristh

Occupation: Warrior, now a bodyguard or a guardian as Grial so eloquently puts it

Title: Lyra`s Guardian

Appearance: Grial is old by orc standards , and the bright black skin as which his tribe is known for has faded a little , however his build has not .
Powerful muscles cover his body, and standing at 1.80 peds, he shows a commanding figure.
Long black hair plaited by many colorful beads cover his head and his eye, of bright red that seems to analyze every movement of his surroundings.

Personality: The orcs are an ancient race, and while some of them are nothing less than murderers, Grial is not such a one.
Known amongst the Orcristh for his honor, never will his weapons become tainted by innocent blood.
He is violent , but his bloodlust is controlled , he lives by the notion that power without goals are is nothing and fortunately for most he decided to uphold fairness .
Not to get it wrong, he is motivated by making a desire for good, but not entirely controlled by it, there is good and evil in everyone, and Grial is no exception.
Contrary to his brethren, he does not follow Gra’khron and Mruk’chal, he believes in what he sees and so far he hasn't seen evidence of gods to believe in them.
Strengths:
-Grial is an orc, and a powerful one no less. Every attack he makes comes with devastating strength.
-"Scarlet Crusher”, is a weapon unusual to see in Orcristh hands, being a two handed mace, it is so heavy that it takes even the most strongest human just to lift it.
There are few armors that can resist a swing of this weapon and frail bodies break like twigs.
-A sage once said, "With age comes great wisdom” .Grial's mind is sharp, able to calculate his enemies movements one step ahead of them.
 
Weaknesses:
-While the strength remains the same as it was in his youth, Grial was never someone with great speed or agility of movement to begin with; this is when his age takes his its toll, becoming making him even slower.
-Lyra, is the human child he promised to protect at all costs, and he takes that promise very seriously.
Most enemies are without honor and when facing an orc, they prefer to attack the child, making forcing Grial to attack always with Lyra's safety on his mind, and be more distracted than is recommended.
Also, it is a strange sight to see a human child accompanying an orc. Most people make the assumption that Lyra is forced to by Grial and more than once he has had to push them away.
-Grial has only one eye, making his perception a lot less than most people.
 
Weapons:

Grial's only weapon, "The Scarlet Crusher" was named by a friend of his, noticing that Grial never cleans the blood stains of the head of the mace, giving a bloody colour to it.
The mace itself is quite simple and deadly, the rod and head are covered with spikes is made of reinforced steel, being and the only thing worthy of mentioning is that his the weight is twice that another mace of the same height, heavy and deadly.

Companion:
Lyra is a 6 years old child.
Grial knows little about her background, for the child is rather shy.
Since after Grial rescued her, Lyra has grown quite fond of the old orc, despite of his appearance he is rather gentle to her.
She has blond hair and big innocent blue eyes.

History:

Grial's story begins as most of his brethren's do, born to a warrior; it was natural that he became one as well.
Like all orc children do are, he was trained in the fine art of war, and by the age of 16, the time of proving himself on the battlefield had come.
It was that day that happened two of the most important events of his life, the loss of his right eye and the choice of weapon that would follow along throughout his life.
Sent as part of a small party to put down some human outlaws that came from Zhun, and were doing some small raids.

As the small group of orcs found the humans, the attack was brutal, although outnumbered the orcs were stronger than them and did not taught think twice about killing them.

Grial fought bravely and as he dispatched his first opponent, he relished on his first killing, becoming distracted, a bandit wounded his eye and as the blood poured from it, Grial taught thought it was the end, it was then that his hand grabbed a mace that a dead bandit had, and with fury he swung the mace with such strength towards to his assailant that smashed his helmet and head altogether.
Even in his pain , Grial marveled to see the effect that the mace did to the human skull , not even his helmet could protect him , and Grial knew if he attacked him with a sword , could be dead by know .

Returning to his tribe , he talked to his father , about his wish , to forge a two handed blunt weapon , but his father shook his head , for such a thing was not common to hear , but he did as his son wished , and with all the money that his father could give , he asked the smith to forge his desired weapon , using the steel that could probably make four or five swords , the extremely heavy two handed mace was done .

It took Grial many years to properly use the mace, but his efforts were rewarded.
Stories were told to the children, about the one eyed orc that used a huge two handed mace to crush his enemies, about the orc that refused to kill unarmed enemies that and refused to raise to raise his mace to attack someone he deemed innocent.
As the years passed, Grial grew older, and by luck or sheer instinct he reached the age of 50 and realizing that most of his brethren died before they reached such age, it was then that he made a promise to himself, to try to live his life to the fullest.
He wasn't afraid of dying, but to die a worthless death was not for him, there was much to see before his eye closed forever.
At 58 years old, he was an elder to his tribe, but unhappy to with this role, one day without saying anything he grabbed his trusted weapon, and left for adventure.

Traveling for days, he wanted to take a ship at the city of Cusca towards the continent of Santharia.
Along his way he found a most peculiar scene, a group of 3 bandits attacking an old man and a child, feeling his blood boil at such cowards, Grial rushed towards them and before they could do anything one of them was on the floor with his head smashed, not willing to fight a blood frenzied orc, the remaining bandits ran.
Grial approached the old man who was on the floor and looking at the dagger in his chest , he realized that the human didn't have much time , the old man coughed a bit of blood and raising his voice he asked , "Is someone there ?", kneeling near the old man , Grial noticed that he was blind , "Yes , the bandits have run , they won't be returning soon ", the old man forced a smile and said "Good , thank for your kindness , is the child well ?", Grial noticed the child hidden behind the carriage as well as other two bodies , "Yes , she is unharmed and there is are two bodies near her .", with a pained look , the old man said ,"Ah my faithful servants , loyal to the end , they have protected the child , tell me my friend , is my wound bad ?",Grial then said ,"I am sorry , but it is fatal , you have but a few moments of life , can I do something to ease your pain ?".
With a smile the old man shook his head and said,” No, there is only one thing I want to ask you.
You sound like a powerful warrior, I beg you to take the child to her mother in Santharia, and I know it is a lot to ask, but I have enough money on the carriage to pay for your expenses...”
With a sad smile, Grial said,"How do you know you can trust me? As far you know I could be a murderer..."

Old man interrupted saying,"No my friend, anyone who attacks a group of bandits to protect an old man and a child is someone worthy of trust and as you can see I am not in the position of being picky.”
Grial then said, "Very well, rest assured that the child will be delivered to her mother, what’s the mother's name?”

"Her name is Selene Silverstone, you can find her at Voldar ...” the old man's mouth remained opened, but it was dead, with a gentle move Grial closed the man's eyes and mumbled "Rest in peace, human ".
Getting up , Grial looked at child still hidden and with the most softest voice he could , said "Come child , I will not harm you", slowly the child came and cautiously she stood before Grial with tears in her eyes , resting his huge hand on the child's head , he said "Do not cry child, the worst is over, tell what is your name ?", raising her big blue eyes , she said still with tears , "Lyra. My name is Lyra ."

Picking up the small child and putting her on his shoulder much to the Lyra's surprise, Grial said,"Well then Lyra, and make yourself comfortable, for this will be a long journey."

I've fixed a number of the grammatical errors, but some of the sentences still don't have quite the right structure and run on for a bit. It seems to me that English isn't your native language, so I'm here to help. ;)
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Grial
Lyra's Guardian
Approved Character
*
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Gender: Male
Posts: 123


Orc, Orcristh


« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2007, 08:38:45 PM »

Ah a thousand thx Vesk , indeed english is not my first language , so i have some difficulties on writing , good to see you are still helpfull as always  Thumb up

Anyway i have corrected what you mentioned and is ready for a new opinions ..
Logged

“Power is no blessing in itself, except when it is used to protect the innocent.”
<a href="http://www.santharia.com/adv/index.php?topic=4460.0 target="top">Grial[/url]
Vesk Lyricahl
Woeful Rover
Approved Character
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Gender: Male
Posts: 1454


Human, Eyelian


« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2007, 08:53:52 AM »

Good job. ;) You have your first approval.
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
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Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2007, 04:29:31 PM »

Everything seems to be in order to me.

I have given my approval and sequence, a title. Enjoy Santharia.  Pet
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
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