Rainier/Elf/Ranger

[Rainier]

I'm sorry i didn't realize that. Thank you for letting me know and ill try to be more patient from now on.

[dinranwen]

Good work Rainer.

There was only one problem that I could see when reading your history section.  It's relatively minor and easily fixed.

After reaching 125 Rainier felt that he had overstayed his welcome. He than said his farewell but to his suprise Arnel came with him.

After 125 what?  Although it is clear that you are speaking of turning 125 years old, the sentence is ackward and could stand fixing.

Although your history is detailed, I think that it would be great if you added how you gained your familars and what can kind of relationship Rainer shares with both.

However, keep in mind that I am only a newbie myself, and these are merely personal opions and comments.

Feel free to ignore them if you wish.

Good luck with your CD.

Sincerly,

Anci’helvíl’yón
Shadow Maiden

[Rainier]

Thank you for your comments i see what you mean by the 125 thing and thank you for that.

The other suggestions you made about my familiars are already in my CD in the history section and the personality section but i'll see if i cant make them clearer.

Thank you again and any other comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Rainier]

It's been a couple of days without any comments so im just pushing myslef back to the first page.

Any comments would be helpful and greatly appreciated.

[dinranwen]

Personally, I would still like to see more about your relationship with both Arien and your familars.  Details, especially details with human relationships, can help turn an ordinary CD into a well told story.

Some questions that come to my mind:

If Rainer and Arien were so close in life, how was he effected by her death?  Although this also applies to Illicit, the Ranger, as well.

Where Rainer and Arien lovers?  One can assume so from the details provided, but there is not much to their love story if so.  They simply met, she traveled with him for a while, and then she died, end of story.

Despite your personalitity section stating otherwise the callousness in which you deal with what would otherwise be very personal details make Rainer seem cold, unemotional, and uneffected by the world around him.

As for the familars, what kind of relationship does Rainer share with them?

Are they simply tools to be used in his service much like a dagger or a hammer is a tool?  Or are they beloved pets and friends when other company is not available?  Is Rainer a kind master or a cruel one?

What are the animals like?

I know sometimes an animal is simply an animal, so I understand that you neglected these details.

Still like I said, details, especially very personally details, turn a simple describition into a story.

Blame me if you must.  I have always been something of a storyteller, and a self-admitted highly addicted book worm.  I thrive on details and stories.

What I guess I'm saying is that yes, this CD is good, but I think you can do better and I challenge you to do so.

[Rainier]

  A challenge I accept . Yea I understand what your saying now and I'm going to try and meet you expectations.

One the bookworm thing I know what you mean I am one to I tried to make my character resemble one of my favorites but put my own spin on it.

Thank you for your comments ill try my hardest to meet your expectations.

[Rainier]

I hope that meets your expectations on the relationship between Rainier and Arnel.

I still need to do the relationship between him and his familiars and i'll get to that as soon as i can.

Any more comments or criticism's would be greatly appreciated.

[dinranwen]

*claps hands* Better much better.

That little bit added just the emotional touch this CD needed, and I hate to say it but now you don't even need to add the part about the familiars.  You can of course, and I encourage you too but it doesn't really need it.

Like I said before, the story needed that emotional touch of a human (well human/elf) relationship because without it Rainer seemed about as emotional as a ten foot iceberg that the Titanic hit.

Very good work Rainer.  I personally am glad that you accepted my challenge, as I personally thinks it vastly improves your CD.

Keep it up!

[Rainier]

Thank you. Your comments mean alot to me and i'll try my hardest on the familiars section so that it meets your expectations.

Thank you again.

[Rainier]

Wanted to see if anyone else could give me any more helpful comments and or criticism's.

[Rainier]

Just a quick question where would you say i should put the information about my familiars and how i feel abot them?

[dinranwen]

You could put it one of three places:

Under your personality (if their friends and Rainer is extermly loyal to them).

Under your history (obviously)

Or under the familiars section itself.

Or perhaps under all three.

I think the best familiar/owner relationship thread was on Nox Belle's thread.

She has recently been approved, but I'm sure she won't mind (I hope) if you check out her thread to get some ideas.

Her CD should be in the Achieves...although I couldn't say where.

Hope that helps, Rainer!

[Rainier]

I hope that meets your expectations and if there is anything you believe could be expanded upon or fixed please let me know.

[dinranwen]

*curties* The Elven Lord doth honor a simple Rover Maiden far too much...*blushes*

Good work Rainer.   I thank you for adding those details to your CD.

Personally, I think they only better on already fantastic CD, but better heads then mine will tell.

As for adding/fixing, I'm afraid I can think of no more bright ideas since you seem have to seemed to have satisfied the questions of my ever present curiousity.  But if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

Good Work and Good luck on the Approval Process!

Later: Okay call me a pain in the rear but *shyly*

When it comes to his familiy wihich consist mainly of his familiars he treats them better than himself.

You spelled Which as Wihich.  Unintentionally I'm sure, and yes, I know I'm a pain.  *mutters something about adjusting the foot in her mouth*  Sorry. *blushes a deep red*

[Rainier]

*bows* You have honor me to much fair Rover Maiden 

If it werent for you helping to expand on everything it wouldnt be as good as it is now.

Thank you again and I look forward to RP'ing with you.

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