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Author Topic: Shearena Talzar, Erpheronian, Archer and Sometime Wagon Guard  (Read 10879 times)
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
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High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2007, 12:21:38 AM »

Make sure you are using the correct verb conjugations ^.~
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Cecilia Fundrin
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« Reply #16 on: September 25, 2007, 01:15:53 AM »

Correct ahuzzay whatsoits?  Huh?

*scratchs head*  Never mind, I'll look it up, and then change things around.

Initial changes have been made, additional and more detailed corrections such as to grammer will be added later and as soon as possible.
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #17 on: September 25, 2007, 02:24:11 AM »

like appearing instead of appear, etc ^.~
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
dinranwen
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« Reply #18 on: September 25, 2007, 04:21:50 AM »

Oh, duh!  Thanks Lady Kalina!
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Cecilia Fundrin
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« Reply #19 on: September 26, 2007, 02:06:30 AM »

I've corrected all the mistakes I can find with my own eyes, and I'm now ready for comments.

Enjoy!

Please tell me if I missed any spelling or grammer mistakes.  Or if I can improve this in any way.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2007, 06:51:54 AM by Shearena Talzar » Logged
Cecilia Fundrin
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« Reply #20 on: September 30, 2007, 11:53:06 AM »

Anything I need to change?  Anything at all?
« Last Edit: September 30, 2007, 11:53:37 AM by Shearena Talzar » Logged
Mathis Mallister
Righteous in Wrath
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« Reply #21 on: September 30, 2007, 01:06:23 PM »

Quote
Height: At 1.80 pegs, Sherena is tall for a woman of her tribe.  Her height is not equally portioned however, and most of her height is in the length of her long graceful legs.

Weight: 100 pyges and 3 odds.

Change "pegs" to "peds".

Also, a pygge is one hundred pounds, so I am going to go out on a limb and assume you meant 1 instead of 100. :P

Just what I saw at a glance.
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take an eye for an eye, turn your heart into stone
this is all I have lived for, this is all I have known
Vesk Lyricahl
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« Reply #22 on: September 30, 2007, 01:30:50 PM »

1.
Quote
Long Ranged Fighter: Shearena is a long ranged fighter, and does not have much experience in close ranged fighting.  This is a great disadvantage if the fight ever came too close to Shearena.  While Shearena is capable of defending herself at close range, but her inexperience and her small size would quickly become a disadvantage in close range fighting.
Believe it or not, not being able to fight at close range is not a weakness. Strengths and weaknesses are compared against the abilities of average Santharians to determine if they are strengths and weaknesses, and most Santharians cannot fight at all. Also, as an archer, an inability to fight in close combat doesn't counter her strengths, as the very nature of her combat is to keep foes at a distance.

2. Even though her magic is present only in life and death situations, it is still an ability she possesses, one she may someday utilize should another life and death situation present itself, so her magic should be mentioned as one of her strengths.

We'll see if your strengths and weaknesses are still balanced after fixing these two issues, though I'm no expert at balancing characters. Anyway, good job so far. :)
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Cecilia Fundrin
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« Reply #23 on: October 01, 2007, 10:55:03 AM »

I've made the suggested changes, and I've added some more weakness to balance my characters strengths further.

Thank you for the comments, Vesk and Mathis, it is appreciated truly.

I'm open to any further suggestions, changes, or improvements as well as any grammer or spelling corrections I might have missed.
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #24 on: October 04, 2007, 03:53:49 AM »

Hey dear! I will give ya a thorough lookover when I get home from work! ^.^

~makes a note and tapes it to her desk~
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
dinranwen
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« Reply #25 on: October 07, 2007, 07:31:45 AM »

Just bumping to prevent this falling onto the dreaded 2nd page.

I'm still up for any comments on how I could make this cd more interesting and worthwile....
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Vesk Lyricahl
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« Reply #26 on: October 08, 2007, 12:54:22 PM »

First approval given. Thumb up
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Twén Aråerwén
Death's Mistress
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« Reply #27 on: October 09, 2007, 09:39:27 AM »

Quote
Weight: 1 pyges pygge and 3 odds

Also you mention she is a Macanti, a macanti pretends to do magic tricks. Something more like the ,magicians of modern times. The abilities you mention are more like the skills of "The Gifted". There is a very definitive difference between these styles of magic. Deciding which of these magical incarnations she has is the only way to determine balance of this character.
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen
« Last Edit: October 09, 2007, 09:55:24 AM by Twén Aråerwén » Logged

•º•The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon, •º•
•º•ancient and full of death.•º•
_.·´¯) Twén Aråerwén's CD(¯`·._
Cecilia Fundrin
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« Reply #28 on: October 10, 2007, 10:09:36 PM »

You are correct, Twen, as always Sherena is one of the Gifted not one of the Macanti.  I was incorrect in supposing them the same thing, but realized it was a simply error on my part.

In the meantime, I could use some advice.  Last weekend my sister and I were pleasantly surprised by our parents taking us on a surprise trip to North Carolina to look for a new house.  My family will probably be moving sometime soon, no definate date as of yet, as our moving involves selling our old home and finding a new house.

By moving, I will be losing all access to the internet for the forseeable future, and will in all likehood have no real oppurintiy to use Sherena, a sad disappointmetn.

I'm sorry to have to leave this site, not to mention the internet all togther, but thats life for ya.

So I am asking y'all's advice: Should I just delete this character?  I would really hate to loss her but there is no chance of gaining the internet after we move to our new home in North Carolina.  I am willing to 'give' her to someone, if someone wants her, and will promise to treat her well, but I am unsure if that would be allowed.

Please give me your advice.

In the meantime, I remain,

Sherena Talzar
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Simonne Miller
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« Reply #29 on: October 11, 2007, 12:05:20 AM »

Hey Shearena,

There's no need to delete this character. If you look back in the CD forum, there are hundreds of unfinished CD's. Just let it drop back and if you ever do get the chance to come back (which I sincerely hope) you'll be able to look her up again and finish her :)
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