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Author Topic: Shearena Talzar, Erpheronian, Archer and Sometime Wagon Guard  (Read 10876 times)
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Kalna Dal'isyrs
Dal'isyrs
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High Elf, Karrhem


« Reply #30 on: October 11, 2007, 02:01:24 AM »

You could always finish her, as she is nearly complete! Then no worries about deleting or the like. She will always be here, ready for your return!
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Twn Arerwn
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Elf, Iferhm


« Reply #31 on: October 11, 2007, 08:35:19 AM »

Changing the mention of Macanti to that of "The Gifted" would resolve the issue. But being one of "The Gifted" would require the ok of an Admin. Since they are rare and they allow your character some magical skill beyond normal strengths.
~Sincerely~
Co f cr'tuuln:Twen Araerwen
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The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon,
ancient and full of death.
dinranwen
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« Reply #32 on: October 14, 2007, 05:11:08 AM »

Well, then I await approval.  Although, as far as I know, Sherena needs no more then average strength, but just a natural ability that would lend to her easy of being a mage one day if she was taught.

But still, I understand, and can be patient as I need to be.
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Twn Arerwn
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« Reply #33 on: October 14, 2007, 02:24:28 PM »

~second approval~
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The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon,
ancient and full of death.
Riley
Santharian Spark
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« Reply #34 on: October 14, 2007, 02:33:11 PM »

Go ahead and remove the color and it will be moved to the archives!

Congratulations on yet another character ^.^
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Cecilia Fundrin
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« Reply #35 on: October 15, 2007, 09:38:37 PM »

Color and Character Portrait reference removed.  I decided not to post a picture of Sherena here after all as the sketch I have frankly stinks....and that's an ametuers opinion.

Thanks for the second approval Twen.
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Simonne Miller
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Human, Caltharian


« Reply #36 on: June 14, 2008, 03:42:31 AM »

Pulling up, as requested :)
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Youth is a gift of nature, but old age is a work of art
Simonne Miller
Cecilia Fundrin
Guest
« Reply #37 on: June 21, 2008, 02:16:03 AM »

Done.  I think.  All the mistakes I've caught have been corrected and few clarifying details have been added.

I'm not sure if this will need to be approved or not.  Please tell me if this is so, so I can get this past the approval process again as soon as possible.

Oh, and if I missed anything error wise, please don't be afraid to inform me.

Thank you.

Sincerly,

Sherena Talzar
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Cecilia Fundrin
Guest
« Reply #38 on: June 23, 2008, 10:55:28 PM »

I have corrected some more errors, and am also bumping this in hopes of bringing it some attention.

Patiently,

Sherena
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Azhira Styralias
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Half-elf, Aellenrhim/ Erpheronian


« Reply #39 on: June 23, 2008, 11:29:29 PM »

Shearena...

Would you mind coloring your edits/changes so us mods can look them over quickly? And explain what you did. It'll save time since you already were approved once. Thanks.  cool
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Cecilia Fundrin
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« Reply #40 on: June 26, 2008, 02:57:17 AM »

  The changes I have made, aside from correcting spelling and grammar errors which I cannot locate since I did not save the original, have been marked in light blue.

Each change and why I made this change is marked below in order to prevent my profile from being cluttered.


Changes

Shearena has been working as a guard for two years now to line her purse with gold she knows she will need if she is to ever reach her destination.

*((Previously this sentence stated that Shearena had only been a guard for one year where her history clearly states she has been a guard for two.  The change was made, then, for constancy.))

Other Nicknames/Titles: Lady Winter, Lady with the heart of Ice

*((This was added because of the following sentence in the personality section:Strangers will often call her the "Lady with the Heart of Ice or "Lady Winter" because of her icy demeanor and apparent emotionless state, thus giving rise to her snowy title.))

Raised by six brothers and her mother's ((eliminated one uncle here as it does not appear in history. )) bachelor brother, Shearena was raised almost completely by men.

Her left eye (right eye to viewer) is slightly lighter then the other appearing to be a dark grey and upon closer examination a lighter dark blue.
   
*((This sentence was to eye color section for instant clarification, so that the potential reader would not have to read the entire physical description section to discover the difference.))

Shearena's diamond shaped face has been slightly darkened by her travels; however her skin is overall a pale ivory color.
   
*((This sentence was changed because it was unclear and confusing.  I rewrote it to make it clearer.))

The dress fits her almost exactly as she and her mother were of size in all except height.
   
*((Rewrote this sentence for clarity and constancy.))

While no expert, Shearena knows enough to be able to fend for herself in the field, to far well in bad conditions, to set traps, and to some extent how to hunt.((Elimanted one hunt here: before the sentence read, to hunt and to some extent how to hunt))

Social Coldness:
   
*((Changed for clairity, before the section read merely Coldness.))

Once long ago, an Erpheronian woman of a minor noble family with grey eyes fell in love with a rich merchant minor noble and they married.
   
*((Sentence overlong, shortened and clarified.))

Aerodin, blushing was forced after a sharp blow from the brown haired girl, that the brown hair girl was his promised.
   
*((Changed because of spelling reasons.))

The man who Shearena was promsised to heard of the rumors and the family broke the engagement off despite several herbs womans testimony of Shearena's virtue.
   
*((Changed for clarity.))

He had heard rumors of the tall thin girl whose eyes were as cold as winter's breath when they looked on him, false tales of how Shearena parted her legs for every man in the village.
   
*(( Changed for clarity.))
« Last Edit: June 26, 2008, 03:03:46 AM by Shearena Talzar » Logged
Simonne Miller
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Human, Caltharian


« Reply #41 on: June 26, 2008, 03:56:17 AM »

Oh, these are pretty minor changes. Since you're not changing your title, I'm rearchiving you :) Have fun playing :)
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Youth is a gift of nature, but old age is a work of art
Simonne Miller
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