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Author Topic: Vincent Varkatzas/Kar-II/Bounty Hunter  (Read 8698 times)
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Vincent Varkatzas
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« Reply #15 on: September 02, 2007, 01:45:25 PM »

thankyou for your help guys. the touchh of death is an assassins weapon of R'unorian origin. i am in the process of writing about how his grandfather came across it.
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Yes, right now I say farewell
but one day I will return with a smile
as I spit on your grave!

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« Reply #16 on: September 03, 2007, 11:01:46 AM »

Don't forget to color your changes.
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« Reply #17 on: September 04, 2007, 11:36:14 AM »

Welcome to Santharia. I will comment on your CD in the watery color of blue

Name:  Vincent Varkatzas

Gender: Male

Age: 29 years old

Race: Human

Tribe: The Kasumarii Men (Kar-II)

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: Night-time Drifter

Appearance:

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 5 Nailsbreadths

Weight: 1 Pygge, 2 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Od

Hair Colour: Jet BlackThis is Uncommon with the Kar-ii

Eye Colour: Brown

Physical Appearance: He has shoulder length hair held back off his face by a strip of blood red cloth. The reason he wears his hair long is to conceal his face when following his bounty. He has a slender build and is well toned. His hair is the main thing that sets him apart from his people;instead of being white it’s black. He colored his hair this way as a promise and a reminder to himself that he would one day avenge his grandfather.Maybe above say dyed Jet Black His skin is smooth and pale.Fragment His sword and whip are at his side- concealed under his cloak but out outreplace second out with of sight from prying eyes.

Clothing: He wears a black tunic and leggings covered by a blood red cloak with a high collar. His belt has a silver clasp and attached to it is a small pouch, his whip, and his sword. And he wears a single silver cross as an earring on his right ear. He has black leather gloves and wears black riding boots.

Personality: He talks as though he has seen many dark and dangerous things for his age. He is not quiet yet there is a certain need to get to know someone before he will open up to them. He does his best to remain neutral as his job as a bounty hunter means he has to take jobs wherever offered yet he has a strong honorable streak. He is impulsive and headstrong. Even though his face may usually be void of emotion his eyes tell a different story. He is slow to anger yet when he does he loses all control. In his heart he desperately craves any piece of information leading to the murderer of his grandfather. When he smiles it is charming and boyish which shows that beneath the vistage of the bounty hunter he is still a normal person.

Strengths and weaknesses:

Strengths:

Weapon Proficiency: His skill with a sword is greater than that of many people of his age and thanks to the teachings of his grandfather he is able to combine the use of his sword with the use of the touch of death.

Weapon Proficiency: He was taught the use of the whip by one of his bounty's as payment to be let live.   

Heightened senses: Due to living in the mountain regions Vincent has developed heightened senses and is even able to read the disturbances in the air around him. This helps him in battle for he is able to sense even the slightest change in the angle of an incoming blade.

Strong Instincts: His instincts are the main reason he is still alive today. From even the slight feeling of being watched to the instinct to duck an unseen projectile.

Stealth: He is extremely quiet and can walk on even the softest ground and leave only a slight trace of his passing.


Weaknesses:

Lack of magical training: This affects him for as a bounty hunter he is required to go after some beings with serious magical knowledge.Average people can't preform magic and makes this not a weakness.

Impatience: He is impatient and rushes into many things without thinking them through. He tends to play many things by air and this leads him into all sorts of trouble.

Finds it hard to trust people: He finds it hard to trust people and this affects him for there have been many things said to him that would have helped him but he has ignored them for he didn't trust the people.

Vengeance: His heart is full with thoughts of vengeance and revenge.vengence and revenge are the same thing. Maybe say soemthing quick about why he wants revenge This allows his judgment to become clouded easily.
Your need to work on this. You have some good Strengths but nothing to counter them with. Maybe add something like him haveing blurred vision every now and then. It would hamper his ability in battle. You should aslo try to find a weakness to counter Stealth.

History: Vincent was brought up by his grandfather in the mountains of Oro. His grandfather was a great adventurer who went by the name of Alkertan Varkatzas.Make one paragraph Alkertan came across many great oddities in his travels including the rare touch of death. This was a gift from a member of the guards council of R'unor when he successfully guided him to the southern beaches to view the departure of the last turtle. Alkertan finally decided on a quiet retirement deep in th mountains of Oro.

Vincent has no recollection of his parents other than what his grandfather told him. This is due to the fact they died of a terrible sickness when he was still a newborn. His parents were Cain and Selene Varkatzas- the great assassin team who were hired by many political and noble identities to take out opposing figures of power. Cain always wore at his side a moonblade that he managed to lay his hands on in the Tower of the guard when they were sent there to assassinate a magi who was researching it's properties.

His grandfather taught him how to use the sword his father left him, the touch of death and other various  forms of  unarmed combat. He returned to his grandfather’s cottage one day after a training run to find it burned to the ground. The only things he could find were his grandfather’s moonblade and his touch of death. Since then he has become a wandering bounty hunter in the hope to hone his skills and find whoever killed his grandfather.How old was he when this happened. Surely it wouldn't be an age much higher than 20 or a lot younger. As long as it wasn't 25 or higher you are forgeting a lot of history.

Weapons: Moonblade, The Aka'pi Leather Whip and the Touch of Death


Well there you are. You are missing your belongings i noticed. I would give this a read through yoruself, at some points it sounded choppy. Lastly, i cannot find anything on the Touch of Death. If you could post a link that would help me personally greatly so i could comment on that if i needed to.
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Vincent Varkatzas
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« Reply #18 on: September 04, 2007, 12:39:27 PM »

This is the link with the touch of death on it- it is listed as Touch of Death, The

http://www.santharia.com/startup_new/mainframe_netscape.htm

But it takes abit of finding so heres a copy of it

 TOUCH OF  DEATH, THE
A rare assassins' weapon of R'unorian orgin consisting of what apears to be a fine elbow length glove, however inside the glove is hidden a spring loaded blade that extends from the wrist when the wearer twists his/her hand back to a 90 degree angle with the forearm. The blade is razor fine approximately the length of the human hand. Backward facing barbs line its sides and once hooked into the victims flesh the wielder simply puls his/her hand away and the blade slides from its mechanism, leaving little incriminating evidence with its wielder.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2007, 12:41:33 PM by Vincent Varkatzas » Logged

Yes, right now I say farewell
but one day I will return with a smile
as I spit on your grave!

Vincent Varkatzas
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« Reply #19 on: September 04, 2007, 12:45:23 PM »

The link you have given is invalid. Weapons of Caelereth There isn't a separate entry for Touch of Death, it is simply listed in the weapons list for Santharia.

Since it is labeled as rare, even among assassins and its creators, please make sure a decent reason is given as to how he obtained such a weapon and learned how to use it.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
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Vincent Varkatzas
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« Reply #20 on: September 04, 2007, 12:49:34 PM »

will do- sorry about the link
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Yes, right now I say farewell
but one day I will return with a smile
as I spit on your grave!

Vincent Varkatzas
Thorgas Ironforge
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« Reply #21 on: September 05, 2007, 08:46:32 PM »

To other commenters: Please do not repeat comments of others when going through a CD. We appreciate people doing this for us but it only tends to confuse players and clutter their CDs with additional unwanted comments. Wait for them to edit their CD's first before you check their CDs again.

Red.


Name:  Vincent Varkatzas

Gender: Male

Age: 29 years old(This is quite young for a person who has trained with three different types of weapons plus the ways of the unarmed combat.)

Race: Human

Tribe: The Kasumarii Men (Kar-II)

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: Night-time Drifter

Appearance:

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 5 Nailsbreadths

Weight: 1 Pygge, 2 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Od

Hair Colour: Jet Black(Maybe you should mention that it is dyed, for example: white hair, but dyed with black.)

Eye Colour: Brown

Physical Appearance: He has shoulder length hair held back off his face by a strip of blood red cloth. The reason he wears his hair long is to conceal his face when following his bounty. He has a slender build and is well toned. His hair is the main thing that sets him apart from his people- instead of being white it’s black. He dyed his hair jet black as a promise and a reminder to himself that he would one day avenge his grandfather. His skin is smooth and pale. His sword and whip are at his side- concealed under his cloak but(remove 'but', put 'and') out of sight from prying eyes.

Clothing: He wears a black tunic and leggings covered by a blood red cloak with a high collar. His belt has a silver clasp and attached to it is a small pouch, his whip and his sword. (Remove 'and')and (H)he wears a single silver cross as an earring on his right ear. He has black leather gloves and wears black riding boots.

Personality: He talks as though he has seen many dark and dangerous things for his age. He is not quiet yet there is a certain need to get to know someone before he will open up to them. He does his best to remain neutral as his job as a bounty hunter means he has to take jobs wherever offered yet he has a strong honorable streak. He is impulsive and headstrong. Even though his face may usually be void of emotion his eyes tell a different story. He is slow to anger yet when he does he loses all control. In his heart he desperately craves any piece of information leading to the murderer of his grandfather. When he smiles it is charming and boyish which shows that beneath the visage of the bounty hunter he is still a normal person.

Strengths and weaknesses:

Strengths:

Weapon Proficiency: His skill with a sword is greater than that of many people of his age and thanks to the teachings of his grandfather he is able to combine the use of his sword with the use of the touch of death.

Weapon Proficiency: He was taught the use of the whip by one of his bounty's as payment to be let live(Remove 'let live', put 'spared from death').   

Heightened senses: Due to living in the mountain regions Vincent has developed heightened senses and is even able to read the disturbances in the air around him(How?). This helps him in battle for he is able to sense even the slightest change in the angle of an incoming blade.(This strength makes you too much of a powerful being. You can sense disturbance in the air and the change in the angle of an incoming blade?)

Strong Instincts: His instincts are the main reason he is still alive today. From even the slight feeling of being watched to the instinct to duck an unseen projectile.(Same comment and strength as the one above.)

Stealth: He is extremely quiet and can walk on even the softest ground and leave only a slight trace of his passing.

(You forgot to include his proficiency with the akapi whip.)


Weaknesses:

Weak wrist: His left wrist sustained serious damage 6 years ago and has yet to fully heal causing him to sometimes lose a strong grip on the hilt of his sword.

Impatience: He is impatient and rushes into many things without thinking them through. He tends to play many things by air and this leads him into all sorts of trouble.

Finds it hard to trust people: He finds it hard to trust people and this affects him for there have been many things said to him that would have helped him but he has ignored them for he didn't trust the people.

Vengeance: His heart is full with thoughts of vengeance. This allows his judgment to become clouded easily.

Clothing Choice: The clothes he wears are loose and rustle which makes it harder to follow someone silently.(This is not a weakness, since you have the option to stalk your prey without using these clothing.)

Your weakened wrist did a wonderful job in keeping your weapon skills in check, but the next two strengths made your character too powerful again.


History: Vincent was brought up by his grandfather in the mountains of Oro. His grandfather was a great adventurer who went by the name of Alkertan Varkatzas. Alkertan came across many great oddities in his travels including a rare touch of death. This was a gift from a member of the guards council of R'unor when he successfully guided him to the southern beaches to view the departure of the last turtle. He remained in R'unor long enough to learn how to use the weapon and left. Alkertan finally decided on a quiet retirement deep in the mountains of Oro.

Vincent has no recollection of his parents other than what his grandfather told him. This is due to the fact they died of a terrible sickness when he was still a newborn. His parents were Cain and Selene Varkatzas- the great assassin team who were hired by many political and noble identities to take out opposing figures of power. Cain always wore at his side a moonblade that he managed to lay his hands on in the (t)Tower of the guard when they were sent there to assassinate a magi who was researching it's properties.

His grandfather taught him how to use the sword his father left him, the touch of death and other various  forms of  unarmed combat(Knowing how to use parts of your body for combat is a strength. Also, did his grandfather train him with the moonblade and the akapi whip too?). At the age of 20, he returned to his grandfather’s cottage one day after a training run to find it burned to the ground. He found his grandfathers broken and bloodied body lying behind the house.The only things that remained intact he could find were his grandfather’s moonblade and his touch of death(These things are valuable, and are prone to being stolen. Maybe saying that you took them with you when you trained, leaving your grandfather weaponless and vulnerable. At least the weapons are still intact.). He buried his grandfather and turned his back on the mountains of Oro and has never returned. Since then he has become a wandering bounty hunter in the hope to hone his skills and find whoever killed his grandfather.

Weapons: Moonblade, The Aka'pi Leather Whip(You haven't mention his training with this whip. Also, keep in mind that these weapons are exclusively for Shendar use. You'll need a good reason as to how he aquired this. Furthermore, the ability to wield this weapon is also a strength.) and the Touch of Death(Describe all these weapons to us. Do they have any particular carvings or decors? How about gems and precious metals of exquisite designs?)

Belongings: clothes, weapons, silver earring, small leather pouch

Have a nice day.
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A weak mind is a deadly foe.
Thorgas Ironforge
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Vincent Varkatzas
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« Reply #22 on: September 06, 2007, 05:29:06 AM »

Thank you- ill make the changes the moment i get some spare time grin
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Yes, right now I say farewell
but one day I will return with a smile
as I spit on your grave!

Vincent Varkatzas
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« Reply #23 on: September 06, 2007, 12:29:28 PM »

Once you have fixed those things, I will give you an approval.

For some strange reason, I grew very fond of this character. Maybe because the name sounds familiar.

Have a nice day.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2007, 12:30:08 PM by Thorgas Ironforge » Logged

A weak mind is a deadly foe.
Thorgas Ironforge
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Vincent Varkatzas
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« Reply #24 on: September 06, 2007, 12:53:43 PM »

 grin thanks lol u been a great help and i owe you big time lol
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Yes, right now I say farewell
but one day I will return with a smile
as I spit on your grave!

Vincent Varkatzas
Thorgas Ironforge
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« Reply #25 on: September 06, 2007, 01:52:44 PM »

You forgot to add the touch of death in your strengths section. Also, please run this through the spellchecker. After that, you'll get your + sign.
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A weak mind is a deadly foe.
Thorgas Ironforge
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Vincent Varkatzas
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« Reply #26 on: September 06, 2007, 02:01:55 PM »

thanks- have now done that  :D
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Yes, right now I say farewell
but one day I will return with a smile
as I spit on your grave!

Vincent Varkatzas
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« Reply #27 on: September 06, 2007, 02:14:55 PM »

Changed some of the words in your CD in order to avoid confusion.

First approval given, Vincent.
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A weak mind is a deadly foe.
Thorgas Ironforge
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Vincent Varkatzas
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« Reply #28 on: September 06, 2007, 02:16:44 PM »

 Rolling THANK YOU!!!!!!
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Yes, right now I say farewell
but one day I will return with a smile
as I spit on your grave!

Vincent Varkatzas
Simonne Miller
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« Reply #29 on: September 06, 2007, 03:06:24 PM »

all right, here's your second approval. Congratulations on an interesting character.

While I was at it, I corrected three grammatical mistakes (two apostrophes that shouldn't have been there, and 'rouge' is the stuff women put on their cheeks. You meant a shendar rogue ;))

Please remove the colour from your CD :)
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