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Author Topic: Garret Arroway / Kyranian / Mercenary  (Read 12810 times)
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Garret Arroway
The Wolfling
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« Reply #15 on: February 10, 2008, 05:24:18 PM »

Thank you ... Edits have been made in Dark Grey ...
     Mostly reworded and expanded on a couple sections though there weren't any major changes aside from added strengths and weakness ... Thanks
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Before you kill him, think of what you take from him. Remember what it is to be alive.
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Twn Arerwn
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« Reply #16 on: February 13, 2008, 07:01:00 AM »

Quote
but he can't keep up a full sprint without long periods of time.
This last section of the Endurance strength seems unclear for me. Were you trying to say  "but he can't keep up a full sprint without<--for? long periods of time."

There are an overabundance of personality based S&W, although I prefer to not see a good deal of these. You do have them well measured between the two areas, so it is not a major concern for me. The Scar weakness should be "expanded" on a bit to create balance IMHO. Your character has a large amount of physical strengths and the Scar weakness is one of the few you have as physical. Making this a bit more common or detrimental would create balance in my personal opinion.
~Sincerely~
Co f cr'tuuln:Twen Araerwen
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The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon,
ancient and full of death.
Garret Arroway
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« Reply #17 on: February 13, 2008, 10:23:01 AM »

Ok, made some edits ... newest edits are in green, hopefully that works a bit better ...
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Before you kill him, think of what you take from him. Remember what it is to be alive.
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #18 on: February 14, 2008, 05:28:57 AM »

hi Garret,

I noticed a few more misspelled words...you spell checker must be getting lazy.  :)

Also, having a queasy stomach as a weakness would be rather hard for a mercenary, what with the killing and all. Seems most people have queasy stomachs and that wouldn't be a weakness unless you work in a job that has high levels of...nasty odors and such involved.
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Garret Arroway
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« Reply #19 on: February 14, 2008, 07:21:47 AM »

     Well, having a weak stomach isn't a balancing factor for his strength and weakness section ... It was ment to be a lesser weakness ... I specified that the smell sickness/infection confined within a small space (such as a room) causes him to be sick himself ... The main reason this is a weakness would be the last sentence "The smell of stale ale also agitates his stomach and so he often finds himself paying extra to stay at one of the nicer inns in cities to avoid those smells." Which means he would have to watch his coin more or sleep on the ground. The only things I mentioned are the only things that affect him. Since I didn't list blood among those things I thought it was apperant that it didn't bother him ... anyway I edited that weakness in sea green.
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« Reply #20 on: February 14, 2008, 05:16:23 PM »

~First Approval~
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Kalna Dal'isyrs
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« Reply #21 on: February 16, 2008, 01:00:44 PM »

Go ahead and remove the color again ^.~
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Garret Arroway
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« Reply #22 on: August 22, 2008, 12:38:51 PM »

Alright, pulled this up to make some changes. Edits are in Steel Blue. Mostly changing weight to fit his size, adding in Blood Lines to explain his height/size. Change in clothing section and weapon section. And fleshing out familiar section. Nothing major grin.
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Before you kill him, think of what you take from him. Remember what it is to be alive.
Quote: Robin Hobb
Twn Arerwn
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« Reply #23 on: August 24, 2008, 10:43:22 AM »

Outside some minor grammatical mistakes I am happy with your edits hun. ~First Approval~
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #24 on: August 24, 2008, 11:16:56 AM »

Revising CDs seems to be the rage these days...LOL

Nod Second approval! Nod
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Garret Arroway
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« Reply #25 on: December 14, 2008, 05:57:31 AM »

Brought up to make some edits. (Note: Edits not done yet obviously)  grin
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Before you kill him, think of what you take from him. Remember what it is to be alive.
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Garret Arroway
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« Reply #26 on: January 03, 2009, 11:44:16 AM »

And now those edits are done in Steel Blue. :)
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Before you kill him, think of what you take from him. Remember what it is to be alive.
Quote: Robin Hobb
Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #27 on: January 05, 2009, 11:58:03 PM »

Looks good! Not much to see here, Garret. Edits are fine, as always from you, so I'll bump this back down.  Thumb up
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