Garret Arroway / Kyranian / Mercenary

[Garret Arroway]

Thank you ... Edits have been made in Dark Grey ...
     Mostly reworded and expanded on a couple sections though there weren't any major changes aside from added strengths and weakness ... Thanks

[Twén Aråerwén]

but he can't keep up a full sprint without long periods of time.

This last section of the Endurance strength seems unclear for me. Were you trying to say  "but he can't keep up a full sprint without<--for? long periods of time."

There are an overabundance of personality based S&W, although I prefer to not see a good deal of these. You do have them well measured between the two areas, so it is not a major concern for me. The Scar weakness should be "expanded" on a bit to create balance IMHO. Your character has a large amount of physical strengths and the Scar weakness is one of the few you have as physical. Making this a bit more common or detrimental would create balance in my personal opinion.

~Sincerely~

Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen

[Garret Arroway]

Ok, made some edits ... newest edits are in green, hopefully that works a bit better ...

[Azhira Styralias]

hi Garret,

I noticed a few more misspelled words...you spell checker must be getting lazy. 

Also, having a queasy stomach as a weakness would be rather hard for a mercenary, what with the killing and all. Seems most people have queasy stomachs and that wouldn't be a weakness unless you work in a job that has high levels of...nasty odors and such involved.

[Garret Arroway]

     Well, having a weak stomach isn't a balancing factor for his strength and weakness section ... It was ment to be a lesser weakness ... I specified that the smell sickness/infection confined within a small space (such as a room) causes him to be sick himself ... The main reason this is a weakness would be the last sentence "The smell of stale ale also agitates his stomach and so he often finds himself paying extra to stay at one of the nicer inns in cities to avoid those smells." Which means he would have to watch his coin more or sleep on the ground. The only things I mentioned are the only things that affect him. Since I didn't list blood among those things I thought it was apperant that it didn't bother him ... anyway I edited that weakness in sea green.

[Twén Aråerwén]

~First Approval~

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

Go ahead and remove the color again ^.~

[Garret Arroway]

Alright, pulled this up to make some changes. Edits are in Steel Blue. Mostly changing weight to fit his size, adding in Blood Lines to explain his height/size. Change in clothing section and weapon section. And fleshing out familiar section. Nothing major .

[Twén Aråerwén]

Outside some minor grammatical mistakes I am happy with your edits hun. ~First Approval~

[Azhira Styralias]

Revising CDs seems to be the rage these days...

Second approval!

[Garret Arroway]

Brought up to make some edits. (Note: Edits not done yet obviously) 

[Garret Arroway]

And now those edits are done in Steel Blue.

[Azhira Styralias]

Looks good! Not much to see here, Garret. Edits are fine, as always from you, so I'll bump this back down. 

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