* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Calendar Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Embed Maximize


Newbies, read these!

Character Creation
FAQs
Restrictions

Main Site
Portraits
Rules
Story Creation
Racial Crossbreeding
Magic

Contact
Tips and Tricks
IRC Chat
Measures Converter
Elven Aging Calculator
Pages: 1 ... 3 4 [5]   Go Down
Print
Author Topic: Celebriän / Eophyrhim / Rogue & scavenger  (Read 22705 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Celebriän Véneanár
Lost Eophyrhim
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 110


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #60 on: March 05, 2008, 12:10:11 PM »

ok,all done. Rolling Rolling Rolling Comments welcome! :)

« Last Edit: March 08, 2008, 10:22:54 AM by Celebriän Véneanár » Logged

iuá lythán iuá eophyrán.-Celebriän Véneanár
Celebriän Véneanár
Lost Eophyrhim
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 110


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #61 on: March 08, 2008, 10:24:31 AM »

bump  !!! comments welcome and needed !!=:pet: Pet Pet
Logged

iuá lythán iuá eophyrán.-Celebriän Véneanár
Argon Glasstar
Hopeless Romantic
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 143

Human, Helcrani


« Reply #62 on: March 09, 2008, 02:46:24 PM »

Ok Celebrian, lets take a look over this; your physical description looks good, as does you choice of clothing.
Yet at first reading I feel like your personality section is very fractured and kinda all over the place, I feel like she is a bit of a contradiction of her own people. You state she is roguish, but say she is also philosophical, and never elaborates on how she shows compassion, in part the article on the Dark elves it states they appear they are cold, aloof and calculating to most races and their emotions are not easily apparent.  Then you go on to state about how she takes time to observe nature and spend time in it. I think this would be better with the sentence, "On the other hand, she finds beauty in simple things such as a sunbeam, songbirds, flowers, or a creek with moss covered rocks." at the beginning of it, and you end the paragraph with about her compassion and helping a person in need. I think this needs to be explained why she does this more thoroughly in her history, because this is unlike her tribe, especially with their teachings.
I think with their teachings she would not have much concern for the lesser creatures, and would bring them swift death. I would like to see an explanation about how celebrian became more willing to  be  of an urbanite concidering her upbringing. I feel like based on her what you describing how her personality is, her history does not justify her actions nor her personality fully, based on her chosen tribe. I would like to know why she refused to participate in Arvin's Festival, and how old she was when she refused to participate, because if she was older than 25 then she would have already participated in the festival before. If she was 25 or younger she would not have had much training with her scimitars. I would like to see an explanation to how she acquired her rogue talents, how well developed they are and them being added to her strengths section.  I
 would like information on how she acquired this berserker rage in combat, was it ingrained, did she learn it, can she control it. This would be best placed in the history around one of her first combats. Perhaps how she acquired her faithful steed would be another helpful addition to her history. I would like to see information on what caused her to change from the rest of her tribe, where did she get these ideas, who presented her with this different way of thinking, when and how. I feel these are important questions that need to be answered to better understand the character.

I hope my comments and questions help round your CD out further.
Logged

"Don't laugh at me, Don't call me names, Don't get your pleasure from my pain, In God's eyes we're all the same, Someday we'll all have perfect wings, Don't laugh at me"
quote from:
Don't Laugh At Me~ Mark Wills
Celebriän Véneanár
Lost Eophyrhim
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 110


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #63 on: March 12, 2008, 12:55:44 PM »

OK I'm not completely sure but i think i fixed it ....Comments welcome
Logged

iuá lythán iuá eophyrán.-Celebriän Véneanár
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #64 on: March 12, 2008, 01:25:00 PM »

I will be by after work tomorrow and have a look hun. With good omen, we *should* have you playing no later than the end of this week :) I promise ^^
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Celebriän Véneanár
Lost Eophyrhim
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 110


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #65 on: March 12, 2008, 01:41:25 PM »

" does a big happy dance all around the house, proclaiming the news to her familly"  Rolling Rolling Rolling Rolling Rolling Rolling Rolling Rolling Rolling
« Last Edit: March 12, 2008, 01:42:01 PM by Celebriän Véneanár » Logged

iuá lythán iuá eophyrán.-Celebriän Véneanár
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #66 on: March 13, 2008, 09:03:15 AM »

I went through and did a quick grammar/spell check for you. Nothing huge.

I also didn't see anything major to be pointed out, so unless someone else comes through with their 'nitpickstick'...you should be titled soon!

~First Approval~
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Pikel Thunderstone
Guest
« Reply #67 on: March 13, 2008, 09:58:10 AM »

Second Approval.

You've been persistant, pretty friendly, and open for critique, and it has been apreciated by the mods.
Logged
Luca the Thief
Guest
« Reply #68 on: March 13, 2008, 09:59:42 AM »

Heylo Celebrian! I'm sure you know the drill by now. Not everything I'm about to say is a must (unless I say otherwise), so I'll be throwing in some tips and tricks as I go as well.

Name: Celebriän Véneanár
Gender: Female
Age: 153
Appearance Age: 27
Knowledge Age:34
Race: Elf
Tribe: Eophyrhim
Job: Rogue & scavenger
Title: Lost Eophyrhim
Weight: 1 pygge, 1heb, 3 ods, 4 mut Generally speaking we don't always include ods and mut, but it's really a thing of personal preference.
Height: 1.9 peds     
Eyes: Brown with golden flecks
Hair: brown

Physical Description:
Celebriän has brown hair. It is about shoulder length with the top layer drawn back in a braid. She likes to keep her bangs grown out and tries to keep them the same length as her hair. Celebriän’s hair, when down, can be described as a thick brown mane. If not brushed, her hair will knot and tangle. She has piercing brown eyes that have golden flecks. She is also slender, with fine features and a bony edge. Her pure Eophyrhim blood is clearly shown by features typical of those people. Celebrian has a facial piercing, due to exile from the Paelelon forests. In addition to the tattoo of the moon on her shoulder, she has one of a swirling circle on her cheek. Both of the tattoos are black. The facial piercing is a metal shaft that goes through her eyebrow. It is silver in color. It has a smooth straight shaft.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Clothes- Celebriän has a forest green tunic with dark brown pants. She also has a black hooded Ether-Flake cloak. The cloak is a beautiful, transparent fabric that shimmers in the light. A silver leaf-shaped clasp with golden vines entwining the stem holds it on. Celebriän also has a silver leaf shaped pendant on a leather strip around her neck. She has a pair of gauntlets and bracers made of hard leather with wide steel bands, a pair of soft leather boots, and a leather pouch that holds small vials of poisons. The ear cuff on her right ear is a dragon. She has two sheaths for her two scimitars held up with a belt.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Personality:
While Celebriän has a more out going personally than the rest of her tribe she still was taught by them. While she tends to open her mouth more ,she opens it about opinions. She keeps her true feeling to herself. She does not open up to reveal her true self to others and some times puts on a “mask” that hides her true feelings. This can be done in many ways by different people; maybe go into deeper detail as to how she puts on this mask? Does she become very quiet or cold or maybe really aggressive?

Celebriän finds beauty in simple things such as a sunbeams, songbirds, flowers, or a creek with moss covered rocks. Celebriän only kills animals when needed. Unless the animal is in pain and nothing can be done for it, in that case she will try to bring it to a swift death.  She would help an animal in need and is angered by people and things that hurt animals when it is not necessary.

 If wandering in the middle of nowhere she will usually spend a day or two in the area, get to know to land a bit than move on. If there is a deep creek or any other water body, she will usually go for a swim if the weather permits.

She also holds grudges against people and is rash. This mix can lead to problems. Like to the time a man who she had a grudge against challenged to a dual. She accepted. Both of them where caught by the local guards, both where stuck in prison for three nights.

 Celebriän is very capable of surviving on her own in the wilderness, but does not mind staying at an inn or bar for the night. When in a bar or an inn she will order a drink, sit along the wall and think. Some of the time she will think what she will do the next day. Sometimes she will think back to life in the Paelelon forest.

While people will try to avoid Celebrian because she is a drow, she on the other hand tries to be nice. She knows that she is not liked, and living in the middle of a continent that frowns upon her is hard.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Strengths
Scimitars skills: Celebrian is excellent with her scimitars. What her feet lack, her hands make up for when the dual weapons dance. The scimitars are steel with leather wrapped handles. They are each about two fores, eight nailsbreadths, in length.

Pet: Ilmdril not only helps in traveling, but is also a great companion. Celebrian will sometimes to talk to Ilmdril. Celebrian does not usually include Ilmdril in fights, she prefers the ground under her feet.

Drow: She is stronger than a human woman of her size, and has better vision at night. She is more agile and quicker. This helps in fighting. Men will usually underestimate her strength.

Awareness: she is generally alert and aware of her surroundings

Weakness:
Claustrophobic: Celebriän has claustrophobia so she has a hard time staying in small cramped spaces. This prohibits her use of small shelters and small places. She also feels claustrophobic in cities and larger towns. This is due to the over welling noise and things going on at ones. It is also hard for her to be aware of her surroundings with all the action and movement at one time.

Social Skills: Celebriän does not really know how to interact with other elves and races. Nevertheless, she does try to. Not to the point of having royal airs. However, she attempts to be nice and somewhat friendly Right now, this isn't a very convincing weakness. Maybe add how people react to her? Are they surprised when she is nice to them? Or perhaps suspicious or even resentful?. Rash and holds grudges: Sometimes, Celebriän is rash; she sometimes does not think things out all the way.

Dislikes authority:  Since Celebriän dislikes authority she has no problem about committing petty crimes. She will barely heed the laws of the land. She has spent the night in a prison more than once .This will pop up if some authoritative figure is trying to tell her what to do. Or if she is in trouble with the law or town guards she will usually make a fuss.

Drow: Since Celebriän is a dark elf, and is sometimes avoided in bars, towns, and cities. She will try to keep her face in a shadow to hide her race from harsh eyes. This makes it hard to get information sometimes.
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
History
  As a child and teen Celebriän never really fit in with the Eophyrhim. She was always more outspoken and voiced her thoughts. She was taught from a young age not to do so. But that would not stop Celebriän; instead she went out and talked to animals and trees. She could not understand how the rest of her people could just not voice what they where feeling. She found delight in expressing her self. Always trying to change something ever so slightly to reflect her self. The elders scolded her for such behavior, so she learned to hold her tongue until she got away from the rest of the people She always wanted more adventure than the reclusive life of the Eophyrhim people.
 
When she was about nineteen, her parents, Aria and Azunur had a weapons master teach her about weaponry and help her develop weaponry skills. They did this after a cleric had a vision of Celebrian fighting something { that something was not seen in the vision}.The cleric also saw how gifted she was, as she danced around her opponent. Her scimitars a blur in her hands. The battle took place at the edge of the forestland.  The parents assumed it was against rival humans or elves. Due to the vision Aria and Azunur choose her to be trained in the scimitars.

While Celebriän lived with the drow she lived like a drow. Mostly saying what was needed to avoid conflicts. She tried to think like them, masking her feelings.

Celebriän was exiled from the Eophyrhim for not participating in the Arvin’s Festival, She did not participate due not wanting eat a human. She had participated in the last festival 25 years ago but had sneaked out of eating any human. She was forced to pierce her face and was allowed to take her belongs with her. She was about 50 years old.


     --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pets
Ilmdril- is the name Celebriän gave to a horse she bought from a town stable three days after her exile from the forest.
Ilmdril is a Kor’och fey Mologh. Her coat is bay. Her mane and tail are blackish brownish. She is 15.7 hands tall.
          Ilmdril is usually good tempered. She is not scared of flapping sheets and sudden movements, but if caught unaware she might spook. Ilmdril is also scared of whips. Celebriän thinks this is due to a former master. The horse likes Celebriän and the two are good friends. Ilmdril looks forward to visiting towns, she knows a treat will be in store for her.
            Contradicting her usually calm behavior, Ilmdril gets upset when Celebrian is in a fight. Celebrian does not know if this is due to the noise, or the fact that Celebriän is in danger.

Luca's Final Thought Nicely done! I see you've gotten lots of comments already so I'm glad to say that I'm giving you my approval as well! There are a few spelling/grammar errors here and there and I pointed out a few. A few tips for maybe cleaning up this CD a bit and for your writing later on: Don't be afraid to write longer sentences, combining different thoughts together. Right now your writing can read a little choppy and slightly hard to follow. Also, I wouldn't be opposed to seeing more detail in your history. Did that prophecy ever come true? Did she experience any culture shock when she first left the forest?

Regardless, I see no major problems so I give my second third approval. (EDIT: Pike beat me to it, that dog...)
« Last Edit: March 13, 2008, 10:02:03 AM by Luca the Thief » Logged
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #69 on: March 13, 2008, 10:05:31 AM »

Shouldn't be difficult to fix the couple of things up, as they aren't too big. You are titled, but I will leave the CD here just so final adjustments can be made.

Congrats hun ^.^
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Celebriän Véneanár
Lost Eophyrhim
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 110


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #70 on: March 13, 2008, 10:08:27 AM »

ill work on it tonight !!
Logged

iuá lythán iuá eophyrán.-Celebriän Véneanár
Celebriän Véneanár
Lost Eophyrhim
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 110


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #71 on: March 13, 2008, 12:14:11 PM »

Do i have too add more detial to my history ? Becuse im pleased with it at the moment.
Logged

iuá lythán iuá eophyrán.-Celebriän Véneanár
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #72 on: March 13, 2008, 12:22:11 PM »

nope
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Celebriän Véneanár
Lost Eophyrhim
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 110


Elf, Eophyrhim


« Reply #73 on: March 13, 2008, 12:52:16 PM »

Ok, all done I added to the personallity and a tibbit to the history.So unless the mods have more to say Im done !
Logged

iuá lythán iuá eophyrán.-Celebriän Véneanár
Pages: 1 ... 3 4 [5]   Go Up
Print
Jump to:  

Recent Posts
[February 10, 2022, 09:09:05 PM]

[February 10, 2022, 09:07:54 PM]

[July 30, 2021, 06:03:43 PM]

[July 30, 2021, 06:03:25 PM]

[July 30, 2021, 06:01:01 PM]

[February 12, 2021, 07:16:33 AM]

[December 13, 2020, 12:16:51 AM]

[December 13, 2020, 12:16:21 AM]

[October 05, 2020, 02:58:40 PM]

[March 19, 2020, 03:47:44 AM]
Members
Total Members: 2849
Latest: abigailjordan
Stats
Total Posts: 214569
Total Topics: 8052
Online Today: 58
Online Ever: 216
(November 30, 2006, 09:08:03 AM)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 57
Total: 57

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx