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Author Topic: Galden/ Mitharim/ Singspeaker  (Read 12109 times)
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Galden
Traveling Bachelor
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #15 on: January 02, 2008, 06:52:15 AM »

ok then. perhaps ill copy it to ord or whatever program i have and see what it says.


EDIT: my OpenOffice program didn't find any fragments...im not terribly good at spotting these but i will read through the CD anyway.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2008, 07:02:49 AM by Galden » Logged
Galden
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #16 on: January 02, 2008, 07:14:14 AM »

Fixed all that i could find. Hopefully is it better now.
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Simonne Miller
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« Reply #17 on: January 02, 2008, 05:16:49 PM »

When you think your CD is ready for comments, please use the yellow exclamation mark. If it has the pencil, it won't get any comments :)
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Galden
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #18 on: January 03, 2008, 08:26:31 AM »

oh right forgot Twen changed it
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Orynth
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« Reply #19 on: January 07, 2008, 02:42:39 AM »

Bumpity Bump Bump Bumpity Bump, Look at Frosty Go. Bumpity Bump Bump Bumpity Bump, Over The Hills Of Snow!
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Galden
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #20 on: January 12, 2008, 06:40:30 AM »

Comments Please
Comments Please
Won't You comment my CD
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Eléyr Fásamár
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Elf ~ Kaýrrhem


« Reply #21 on: January 14, 2008, 12:58:09 AM »

Hello Galden, and welcome to Santharia! I see you have been waiting quite a while since the last comments, so I thought I'd give you a few. I see mostly some mild grammar errors. Of course my comments will be in this Royal hue of Blue!

Name: Galden
Gender: Male        
Race: Dwarf
Age: 120
Tribe: Mitharim Tribe  
Occupation: Singspeaker
Title: Dwarven Bat

Appearance
Height: 1 Ped, 1 Fore
Weight: 1 Pygge, 5 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 3 Ods, 8 Mut.
Hair color: Brown  
Eye Color: Brown

Physical Appearance: Galden looks like a typical dwarf,(colin) short and stocky. His brown eyes flick about taking in everything. During the day(comma) he often has a hat the droops to just above his eyes. This makes the light bearable to his dark trained eyes. His pet bat may often be seen sitting on his shoulder. In fact, the tan shirt he wears has a dark depression where his bat sits. His black pants fit comfortably, loose but not terribly baggy. A smile or smirk is commonly on his face, but when he thinks deeply his mouth becomes a line. His beard flows down to the middle of his broad chest. He smooths it often, and when he thinks he strokes it.

Clothing: A tan shirt with a depression on the right shoulder come(s) down a few nailsbreadth below the waist of his loose fitting pants. Galden also has a hat with a droopy brim to lessen the suns light on his eyes. Finally he has a dark brown cloak to wrap around his body(comma) to keep warm.

Personality: Galden enjoys jokes, maybe a little to much. He sometimes stirs up trouble with his bat, making people scream like they have seen a ghost. He can become serious too, when he thinks he makes little noise and often stares at nothing. To him his eyes just cloud over when he thinks, to others it seems he is trying to find a Bavereye Beetle hidden on the wall. I really like this sentence!

Galden's view on life is a common dwarven one. Humans can sometimes be tolerated. Elves can rarely be trusted, and gnome are the best race to trade with. Though this is his view, Galden practices common courtesy and is semi-polite to everyone. Sure he may be a bit more gruff towards an elf(comma) but they won't be treated like vermin. With humans(comma) he speaks suspiciously for a while before actually talking to them normally, just to make sure that they are trustworthy. Gnomes are treated the best by far by Galden, he starts off in a normal voice and slowly they may forge a friendship.

Strengths:
-Hearing, he has been trained since he was a boy to hear a bat's radar message. He hears quite well(comma) and is very hard to sneak up on.

-Night Sight, training to (see) a bat in the dark has made Galden's eyes at home in the dark. He may spot his bat
flying high, in the night sky, eating insects. Just reorganised this sentence a bit  ;)

-Jukuthas, he can relay positions of people, streams, lakes, etc.

-Singspeaking without machine, Galden can singspeak without the machine to interpret. Though he can only understand simple things. Does he use the machine for complex things? Or dose he just not understand those?
 
Weaknesses:
-Mischievous, Galden enjoys letting his bat loose in places as a prank. This gets him into trouble often and(he) has been kicked out of several places for doing this.

-Daylight, in daylight his eyes often hurt. He tries to avoid bright lights at all costs for if something is to bright he often can't see for a while.
 
-Loud noises, due to his good hearing(comma) loud noises, which won't affect most people, give him very bad headaches.

-Day Sight, Galden doesn't have very good sight during the day, he can see things 2 peds in front of him. Jukuthas can be a better pair of eyes than he could ever have.

History: Born with a brother by the name of Kulan, Galden was the youngest of the 4 siblings. The oldest was their other brother, Luthas. And the 2nd oldest was their sister, Jude. His early child(no space)hood was just like most, learning things from his older siblings and parents.

When he was still young(comma) he was playing hide-and-seek with his siblings. This is when Galden's father, Jutun, notices his son had a nak for finding his brothers and sister. When Jutun asked Galden how he did it Galden said, “It's easy because they laugh when they hide.” Jutun listened for giggling and heard none. Galden turned around and found Jude hiding behind a chair. Jutun realized that his son had abnormally good hearing(comma) and at once thought of his friend that was a singspeaker. He talked with his friend and the friend decided to train Galden to become a singspeaker.

Galden was shown a bat on the first day when he was 15. When Rimus(his father's friend) said that the bat was sending out very high radar messages right then. Galden thought he heard very quiet sounds coming from the bat. The next thing Rimus showed Galden was the machine used to interpret the radar messages. The training, at that point, was fairly simple. Learning about bats and how to feed them and such. Galden spent time just sitting with a bat in his lap thinking some days.

When he turned 30(comma) he began to be taught about the machine. He learned how to repair it from a brownie. The brownie was harsh on him, but Galden learned how to do it right and it is very unlikely that Galden will forget how to do it. Eventually, Galden learned how to use the machine. The same brownie taught him this. He practiced with the machine for 30 more years.

When Galden was 60(comma) he could hear the radar messages without the machine. He couldn't translate them yet(comma) but he heard them. This made him study the machine more closely(comma) and what certain sounds meant. He learned more of the machine, enough to build certain parts of it, and learned how to interpret the bat(apostrophe)s messages. At first he could only understand a few, but learned more and more over the years.

At age 90(comma) he proved he was mature by calling down a bat and, without the machine, interpreted the message. Similarly he sent back a responded message. Everyone was impressed by him being able to do all this without the machine. 

He prepared for choosing(comma) but none of the females chose him. He tried again and again, with no luck. He had become a traveling Bachelor."(There is no need to have " here) At age 105, Galden asked if he could keep a newly trained bat as his own(comma as company on his traveling and surprisingly they allowed him to. He named the bat Jukuthas, using a part of each of his siblings names in it. He went aboveground and started to travel. Galden has been traveling ever since, doing shows for what little money he needed. He hates doing this(comma) but he needs money and people were always astounded at his ability to understand bats. He earns enough to buy him and Jukuthas food, drink, and a place to rest.

Weapons: He has no real weapons just his belt knife. He is better at informing the real soldiers on enemy positions if he is needed to.

Belongings: He has his clothing, a pack with some dried food and a waterskin in it, and a small money pouch.

Familiars: Jukuthas, a flittermouse, has been with Galden for 30 years. Galden got Jukuthas when he became a 'Traveling Bachelor." Galden asked for a bat and they gave him a newly trained one. Jukuthas has soft light brown fur and this wings are a deeper brown. He has no distinguishing marks really but Galden can always pick him out from other bats, maybe because he is a little more chubby than most. Galden feeds him a more fatting foods than insects. Jukuthas has created many problems, though Galden has sent him do create them. He has flown into many rooms and scared many people. Many a time he has been swatted at with many things, always a near miss. Jukuthas can relay positions of people and other things from the air and send to Galden a message bearing this information. Other than that Jukuthas is just a companion for Galden.


Galden, I love this character! You are not good at fighting, you are not good at magic, you can just talk to bats. This is incredibly unique, and I love seeing those who do not only want a powerful character! Also your writing style is a pleasure to read! I loved the one about the bug on the wall!  grin For your title, I like the "traveling bachelor" thing. You may consider using this instead? Just my personal opinion. The main problem you seem to have is commas. They always come after prepositional phrases such as...
The next day,
When he was 10 years old, etc.
Also, in the middle of a compound sentence before but, and, or etc.
Other than these, which I pointed out, I believe you are ready to be titled soon! I am looking forward to interacting with this character, and hopefully I will get to see a bat show!

Sincerely,
Eléyr Fásamár
« Last Edit: January 14, 2008, 01:01:13 AM by Eléyr Fásamár » Logged

Those who say only Insanity can bring true relaxation...
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Merman
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Merfolk


« Reply #22 on: January 14, 2008, 07:29:24 AM »

Thank you Eléyr...Grammer isn't my best thing. I'm thinking about creating a person who is as close to normal as i can make them. Ill get to work correcting this...
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I Like Red Shines!

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Galden
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #23 on: January 14, 2008, 07:40:36 AM »

Ok finished changes. Hope it is very close to ready, I want to Rp with Gladen.
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Bard Judith
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« Reply #24 on: January 18, 2008, 12:07:50 AM »

Hello, Galden!

I'm Bard Judith -  also Dwarvenmistress over at the Development Board.  It is truly delightful to see a Thergerim character, particularly one who has done his research to create a Santharian dwarf to the best of his ability!

(I particularly detest the stereotypical brawling, beer-swilling, faux-scottish-dialect-speaking dwarf from the realms of D&D or similar generic games... thank you for avoiding any such cliches!)

Now, the weakness remaining here is NOT your fault: we - well, specifically me as Dwarvenmistress - haven't developed the details of Singspeaking and how it works.  You've given some good guesses - in fact, if you wanted you could wander over to the Dev Board and post the start of an entry on Singspeaking and I'd mentor you through it!

Otherwise, could I politely request you to have patience a bit longer and I'll get my stuff together and make an entry on Singspeaking myself ASAP?  That would mean within the next week - I'm fairly efficient when someone puts a Myrmex in my ear... :)

Again, thanks for choosing to play a dwarf and for doing your background research so thoroughly.  I'll be in touch, or PM me over at the Dev Board.

Regards from the bard,
Judith
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Ganinon
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« Reply #25 on: January 19, 2008, 06:26:54 AM »

Oh i guess no one said that i was was Galden...I have many accounts that i switch to and from a lot. I sent you a pm on Dev Side, but posted here too. Incase you looked here first.

Once I get the Writing stuff out of the way then could we start on Singspeaking and the Singspeaking Machine?
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Ganinon
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« Reply #26 on: July 14, 2008, 09:30:44 AM »

YAY! Judy has finished the entry! So does that mean i can start working on this again in hopes of Titlement?

(This was mainly a bump to remind me that i can finish him now)
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Galden
Traveling Bachelor
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #27 on: July 15, 2008, 03:18:03 AM »

Changed a good amount in here, colored some of it orange. other parts i just forgot to color. Maybe ready for a look through?
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Eléyr Fásamár
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« Reply #28 on: July 15, 2008, 04:27:16 AM »

This CD looks nice, Galden, and I'm sure the dwarf info. is accurate, between you and Judy's expertise in the area. (They definitely aren't my forte. LOL)

Quote
He can hear so wel<--well that he when in a building he can pick out the other conversations easily.

Quote
He may see his bat in the flying high, in the night sky, eating insects.

Quote
-Jukuthas, his companion, though pretty useless, his ability to carry a message to his home and can let his family know he is alright, by sending a message home every once and a while.

This entire sentence is worded oddly, making it hard to decipher. Perhaps it would read like this~ "Jukuthas, his companion, thought pretty useless, has the ability to carry a message to Galden's home every once and a while, to let his family know he is alright."

Quote
Jukuthas is also able to repeat Galden and if they are running low on money, galden<--Galden can always put on a show of his bat flying around and repeating what Galden has chirped to him.

With the word 'Galden' used three times in this sentence it is a bit awkward, perhaps using 'the dwarf' or 'the singspeaker' in one of the places would remedy the situation.

Quote
He went above(space)ground and started to travel.

Aside of these small things, I find this character to be wondefully thought out and written. Hopefully he can be added in to your 'Approved' repertoire after these, Ganinon.

~Sincerely~
Eléyr Fásamár
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Ganinon
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« Reply #29 on: July 15, 2008, 05:02:26 AM »

Thanks for the quick comments Eleyr! Will get to fixing those problems as soon as i am done here. Which is...NOW! *Goes to Fix*
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