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Author Topic: Galden/ Mitharim/ Singspeaker  (Read 12114 times)
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Galden
Traveling Bachelor
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #30 on: July 15, 2008, 05:08:41 AM »

And now im done. *Sits and waits for more comments...patiently*
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Rhia
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« Reply #31 on: July 15, 2008, 06:45:27 AM »

I'm in yellow, checking up on punctuation, spelling, and grammar for the most part.

Name: Galden
Gender: Male         
Race: Dwarf
Age: 120
Tribe: Mitharim Tribe   
Occupation: Singspeaker
Title: Traveling Bachelor

Appearance
Height: 1 Ped, 1 Fore
Weight: 1 Pygge, 5 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 3 Ods, 8 Mut.
Hair color: Brown   
Eye Color: Brown

Physical Appearance: Galden looks like a typical dwarf: short and stocky. His brown eyes flick about taking in everything. During the day, he often has a hat the <--- that droops to just above his eyes. This makes the light bearable to his dark trained eyes. <--- Suggestion: Perhaps "...dark-accustomed eyes"? His pet bat may often be seen sitting on his shoulder. In fact, the tan shirt he wears has a dark depression where his bat sits. His black pants fit comfortably, loose but not terribly baggy. A smile or smirk is commonly on his face, but when he thinks deeply his mouth becomes a line. His beard flows down to the middle of his broad chest. He smooths it often, and when he thinks he strokes it. You used 'he' and 'his' one too many times in this paragraph. Don't forget about 'the dwarf', 'the dwarven bachelor' or his own name.

Clothing: A tan shirt with a depression on the right shoulder comes down a few nailsbreadth below the waist of his loose-fitting pants. Galden also has a hat with a droopy brim to lessen the sun's light on his eyes. Finally <--- comma he has a dark brown cloak to wrap around his body, to keep warm.

Personality: Galden enjoys jokes, <--- Perhaps a hyphen.maybe a little to <--- toomuch. He sometimes stirs up trouble with his bat, <--- I would advise you to insert the adjective 'pet' in front of 'bat' to clarify it. making people scream like they have seen a ghost. Um, perhaps 'frightening people' would suffice. "...like they have seen a ghost" is a little off-kilter, I think. He can become serious too, when he thinks he makes little noise and often stares at nothing. To him his eyes just cloud over when he thinks, <--- semicolon to others it seems he is trying to find a Bavereye Beetle hidden on the wall.

Galden's view on life is a common dwarven one. Humans can sometimes be tolerated. Elves can rarely be trusted, and gnomes and Brownies are the best races to trade with. Though this is his view, Galden practices common courtesy and is semi-polite to everyone. Sure he may be a bit more gruff towards an elf, but they won't be treated like vermin. With humans, he speaks suspiciously for a while before actually talking to them normally, just to make sure that they are trustworthy. So he can tell whether a person is completely trustworthy just by talking to them for a minute or two? I suggest you clarify what you mean. Gnomes and Brownies are treated the best, by far, <--- no comma by Galden, <--- Perhaps a hyphen. he starts off in a normal voice and slowly they may forge a friendship.

Strengths: I suggest that after each heading you insert a colon or tilde (~).
-Hearing, he has been trained since he was a boy to hear a bat's chits. He can hear so well that he when in a building he can pick out the other conversations easily. You might want to describe the building- Is it busy? Empty? Crowded?

-Night Sight, training to hear and see a bat in the dark has made Galden's eyes at home in the dark. He may see his bat flying high, in the night sky, eating insects. What else does this strength help him with?

-Jukuthas, his companion, thought pretty useless, <--- maybe "...thought pretty useless by some" to specify? has the ability to carry a message to Galden's home every once and a while, to let his family know he is alright." <---No quotation mark. Jukuthas is also able to repeat Galdencolor=yellow]'s words[/color] and if they are running low on money, the dwarf can always put on a show of his bat flying around and repeating what Galden has chirped to him.

-Singspeaking without machine, Galden can understand simple messages that bats can carry without the machine to translate it. He can send messages home and recieve messages without the need of the machine. What machine? Clarify.
 
Weaknesses:
-Mischievous, Galden enjoys letting his bat loose in places as a prank. This gets him into trouble often and he has been kicked out of several places for doing this.

-Daylight, in daylight his eyes often hurt. He tries to avoid bright lights at all costs <--- comma for if something is to bright he often can't see for a while.
 
-Loud noises, due to his good hearing, loud noises, which won't affect most people, give him very bad headaches.

-Day Sight, Galden doesn't have very good sight during the day, he can see things 2 peds in front of him. Jukuthas can be a better pair of eyes than he could ever have. Jukuthas is like a warning system, He will chirp and fly away, which tells Galden that something has scared the bat into taking flight. I suggest combining this paragraph with the "Daylight" section- they are essentially the same thing.

History: Born with a brother by the name of Kulan, Galden was the youngest of the 4 siblings. The oldest was their other brother, Luthas. And the 2nd oldest was their sister, Jude. <--- Combine both sentences to avoid a choppy paragraph. His early childhood was just like most, learning things from his older siblings and parents.

When he was still young, he was playing hide-and-seek with his siblings. This is was when Galden's father, Jutun, notices noticed his son had a nak <--- nack for finding his brothers and sister. When Jutun asked Galden how he did it Galden said, “It's easy because they laugh when they hide.” Jutun listened for giggling and heard none. Galden turned around and found Jude hiding behind a chair. Jutun realized that his son had abnormally good hearing, and at once thought of his friend "... thought of one of his friends, a singspeaker." that was a singspeaker. He talked with his <--- 'this' would do better friend and the friend decided to train Galden to become a singspeaker. ...So was it the friend's idea to train Galden, or was an agreement between the friend and Galden's father?

Galden was shown a bat on the first day when he was 15. <--- Spell out numbers when writing a story or paragraph. When Rimusspace(his father's friend) said that the bat was sending out very quiet chirps right then, <--- last two words unnecessary. Galden thought he heard very quite sounds coming from the bat. The next thing Rimus showed Galden was a tablet with common messages that are sent with a bat. The training, at <--- after that point, was fairly simple. Learning about bats and how to feed them, cleaning up after them, and learning the messages. Galden spent time just sitting <--- comma? with a bat in his lap <--- comma? thinking some days.

When he turned 30, <---thirty he was taken and shown the bats that the dwarves use, and also shown the machine. OK, so this is the machine you were referring to earlier. It's necessary to explain it because it's not common knowledge. He learned how it worked and after a few years was able to repair some of it. So the machine was broken? You might want to say that earlier in this paragraph when you introduce the machine. By then he was able to hear the chirps the bats made a little better, but he could barely distiguish between the different sounds. Eventually, Galden learned how to use the machine. He practiced with the machine for 30 more years, learning to use it and repair it.

When Galden was 60, <--- sixty. When he was sixty exactly, or did this come gradually? he could hear the chirps without the machine. He couldn't translate them yet, but he heard them. This made him study the machine more closely, <--- no comma and what certain sounds meant. He learned more of the machine, <--- no comma enough to build certain parts of it, and learned how to interpret the bat's messages. At first he could only understand a few, but learned more and more over the years.

At age 80, <--- spell out he was given a bat to train to repeat chirps. This proved quite hard and it took him 2 <--- two years to finally get a bat to repeat him. He also could fix a singspeaking machine, almost as well as a brownie who had just mastered being able to fix a machine. He was well trained and became a respected Singspeaker quickly, <--- replace comma with hyphen or semicolon to avoid runon sentence.[/color] even the best Singspeakers were impresed impressed by his ability.

He prepared for choosing, I suggest you explain choosing. but none of the females chose him. He tried again and again, with no luck. After several years he gave up and he had become a "Traveling Bachelor." At age 105, <--- this is alright to put in numbers because it is a number bigger than ninety-nin.[/color] Galden asked if he could keep a newly trained bat as his own, as company on his traveling and surprisingly they allowed him to. He named the bat Jukuthas, using a part of each of his siblings <---apostrophe at end of "siblings".[/color] names in it. He went above ground and started to travel. Again, use different pronouns and words than 'he' and 'his'.

Galden has been traveling ever since, doing shows for what little money he needed. He hates doing this, but he needs money and people were <--- are always astounded at his ability to understand bats. He earns enough to buy him and Jukuthas food, drink, and a place to rest. I'm not really sure if 'him and Jukuthas' is correct... Maybe 'he and Jukuthas'. In any case, to avoid being unsure you might want to say 'He earns enough to buy food, drink, and rest for he and Jukuthas.'

Weapons: He has no real weapons. He is better at informing the real soldiers on enemy positions if he is needed to. Still, I think that he would have some weapon for defending himself, don't you think?

Belongings: He has his clothing, a pack with some dried food and a waterskin in it, and a small money pouch. It's easier to read if you put all this into a bulleted, vertical list.

Familiars: Jukuthas, a flittermouse, has been with Galden for 30 years. Galden got <--- 'got' is a little... unpolished- perhaps 'obtained' would be better? Jukuthas when he became a 'Traveling Bachelor." Galden asked for a bat and they gave him a newly trained one. <--- You've said this already, in your history. You might say, 'see History' if you want to make that reference. Jukuthas has soft light brown fur and this wings are a deeper brown. He has no distinguishing marks really but Galden can always pick him out from other bats, maybe because he is a little more chubby than most. Galden feeds him a more fatting <--- fattening foods than insects. Jukuthas has created many problems, though Galden has sent him do <--- to create them. He has flown into many rooms and scared many people. Many a time he has been swatted at with many things, always a near miss. Again, use different words than 'he' and 'his'...

Very good! I really liked it- Galden is quite different, in a positive way. I look forward to seeing you in the rp stories!
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Galden
Traveling Bachelor
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #32 on: July 15, 2008, 09:18:49 AM »

Just a few things before i go and correct.

Quote
OK, so this is the machine you were referring to earlier. It's necessary to explain it because it's not common knowledge.

Well, can't explain a whole lot because it is a closely guarded secret. Top Secret! But i will add a little bit to explain basicly what it does.

Quote
<--- You've said this already, in your history. You might say, 'see History' if you want to make that reference

Well, some people don't want to read through the entire history to find a little bit of information, so i put it there in case someone wants to know that.
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Rhia
Songbird of the Sea
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Human, Blaar'kr


« Reply #33 on: July 15, 2008, 09:22:33 AM »

That makes sense. Fair enough! My Lips are sealed
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Galden
Traveling Bachelor
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #34 on: July 15, 2008, 09:32:04 AM »

Oh forgot to counter-comment this... LOL

Quote
Still, I think that he would have some weapon for defending himself, don't you think?


No I don't think he has any weapons at all. Not everyone has to be warrior like, or even have to have a weapon. I try to stay away from Stero-types and from crowds...Which is why i have 3 dwarfs and a merman. :D
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Mannix
Ranger of Shadow
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Elf, Aellenrhim


« Reply #35 on: July 15, 2008, 05:26:52 PM »

Heya Galden, just a few comments.

Name: Galden
Gender: Male         
Race: Dwarf
Age: 120
Tribe: Mitharim Tribe   
Occupation: Singspeaker
Title: Traveling Bachelor

Appearance
Height: 1 Ped, 1 Fore
Weight: 1 Pygge, 5 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 3 Odd, 8 Mut. A bit accurate isn’t it.  How would the weigh a person so accurate?
Hair Color: Brown   
Eye Color: Brown

Physical Appearance: Galden looks like a typical dwarf: short and stocky. His brown eyes flick about taking in everything. During the day, he often has a hat the droops to just above his eyes. Isn’t that clothing? This makes the light bearable to his dark trained eyes. His pet bat may often be seen sitting on his shoulder. In fact, the tan shirt he wears has a dark depression where his bat sits. His black pants fit comfortably, loose but not terribly baggy. As is this. A smile or smirk is commonly on his face, but when he thinks deeply his mouth becomes a line. His beard flows down to the middle of his broad chest. He smooths it often, and when he thinks he strokes it.

Clothing: A tan shirt with a depression on the right shoulder comes down a few nailsbreadths below the waist of his loose fitting pants. Galden also has a hat with a droopy brim to lessen the sun's light on his eyes. Finally he has a dark brown cloak to wrap around his body, to keep warm.

Personality: Galden enjoys jokes, maybe a little too much. He sometimes stirs up trouble with his bat, making people scream like they have seen a ghost. He can become serious too, when he thinks he makes little noise and often stares at nothing. To him his eyes just cloud over when he thinks, to others it seems he is trying to find a Bavereye Beetle hidden on the wall.

Galden's view on life is a common dwarven one. Humans can sometimes be tolerated. Elves can rarely be trusted, and gnomes and Brownies are the best races to trade with. Though this is his view, Galden practices common courtesy and is semi-polite to everyone. Sure he may be a bit more gruff towards an elf, but they won't be treated like vermin. With humans, he speaks suspiciously for a while before actually talking to them normally, just to make sure that they are trustworthy. Gnomes and Brownies are treated the best, by far, by Galden, he starts off in a normal voice and slowly they may forge a friendship.  Does he know of Hobbits?

Strengths:
-Hearing, he has been trained since he was a boy to hear a bat's chits. He can hear so well that he when in a building he can pick out the other conversations easily. I think you miss a word or two out of this sentence.

-Night Sight, training to hear and see a bat in the dark has made Galden's eyes at home in the dark. He may see his bat flying high, in the night sky, eating insects.

-Jukuthas, his companion, thought pretty useless, has the ability to carry a message to Galden's home every once and a while, to let his family know he is alright."  Jukuthas is also able to repeat Galden and if they are running low on money, the dwarf can always put on a show of his bat flying around and repeating what Galden has chirped to him. What do you mean by Jukuthas is also able to repeat Galden and if they are running low on money?

-Singspeaking without machine, Galden can understand simple messages that bats can carry without the machine to translate it. He can send messages home and receive messages without the need of the machine.
 
Weaknesses:
-Mischievous, Galden enjoys letting his bat loose in places as a prank. This gets him into trouble often and he has been kicked out of several places for doing this.

-Daylight, in daylight his eyes often hurt. He tries to avoid bright lights at all costs for if something is to bright he often can't see for a while.
 
-Loud noises, due to his good hearing, loud noises, which won't affect most people, give him very bad headaches.

-Day Sight, Galden doesn't have very good sight during the day, he can see things two peds in front of him. Jukuthas can be a better pair of eyes than he could ever have. Jukuthas is like a warning system, He will chirp and fly away, which tells Galden that something has scared the bat into taking flight.

History: Born with a brother by the name of Kulan, Galden was the youngest of the four siblings. The oldest was their other brother, Luthas. And the second oldest was their sister, Jude. His early childhood was just like most, learning things from his older siblings and parents.

When he was still young, he was playing hide-and-seek with his siblings. This is when Galden's father, Jutun, notices his son had a knack for finding his brothers and sister. When Jutun asked Galden how he did it Galden said, “It's easy because they laugh when they hide.” Jutun listened for giggling and heard none. Galden turned around and found Jude hiding behind a chair. Jutun realized that his son had abnormally good hearing, and at once thought of his friend that was a singspeaker. He talked with his friend and the friend decided to train Galden to become a singspeaker.

Galden was shown a bat on the first day when he was 15. When Rimus(space)(his father's friend) said that the bat was sending out very quiet chirps right then, Galden thought he heard very quite sounds coming from the bat. The next thing Rimus showed Galden was a tablet with common messages that are sent with a bat. The training, at that point, was fairly simple. Learning about bats and how to feed them, cleaning up after them, and learning the messages. Galden spent time just sitting with a bat in his lap thinking some days.

When he turned 30, he was taken and shown the bats that the dwarves use, and also shown the machine. He learned how it worked and after a few years was able to repair some of it. By then he was able to hear the chirps the bats made a little better, but he could barely distinguish between the different sounds. Eventually, Galden learned how to use the machine. He practiced with the machine for 30 more years, learning to use it and repair it.

When Galden was 60, he could hear the chirps without the machine. He couldn't translate them yet, but he heard them. This made him study the machine more closely, and what certain sounds meant. He learned more of the machine, enough to build certain parts of it, and learned how to interpret the bat's messages. At first he could only understand a few, but learned more and more over the years.

At age 80, he was given a bat to train to repeat chirps. This proved quite hard and it took him 2 years to finally get a bat to repeat him. He also could fix a singspeaking machine, almost as well as a brownie who had just mastered being able to fix a machine. He was well trained and became a respected Singspeaker quickly;<~~semicolon even the best Singspeakers were impressed by his ability.

He prepared for choosing, but none of the females chose him. He tried again and again, with no luck. After several years he gave up and he had become a "Traveling Bachelor." At age 105, Galden asked if he could keep a newly trained bat as his own, as company on his traveling and surprisingly they allowed him to. He named the bat Jukuthas, using a part of each of his siblings’ names in it. Awh… how sweet. ;) He went above ground and started to travel.

Galden has been traveling ever since, doing shows for what little money he needed. He hates doing this, but he needs money and people were always astounded at his ability to understand bats. He earns enough to buy him and Jukuthas food, drink, and a place to rest.

Weapons: He has no real weapons. He is better at informing the real soldiers on enemy positions if he is needed to.

Belongings: He has his clothing, a pack with some dried food and a waterskin in it, and a small money pouch.

Familiars: Jukuthas, a flittermouse, has been with Galden for 30 years. Galden got Jukuthas when he became a 'Traveling Bachelor." Galden asked for a bat and they gave him a newly trained one. Jukuthas has soft light brown fur and his wings are a deeper brown. He has no distinguishing marks really but Galden can always pick him out from other bats, maybe because he is a little more chubby than most. Galden feeds him delete ‘a’ more fatting foods than insects. Jukuthas has created many problems, though Galden has sent him do create them. He has flown into many rooms and scared many people. Many a time he has been swatted at with many things, always a near miss.

Mannix
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Ganinon
Smithing Warrior
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Dwarf, Mitharim


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« Reply #36 on: July 16, 2008, 12:50:55 AM »

Ah, forgot to put up pencil! its alright. 2 people's opinions are better than one... Just one thing to counter comment.

Quote
During the day, he often has a hat the droops to just above his eyes. Isn’t that clothing?


Quote
His black pants fit comfortably, loose but not terribly baggy. As is this.

Well, yes it is clothing, but is there a rule to say you can't put clothing into physical appearance?  ;) :D

Im off to put up pencil now...
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Galden
Traveling Bachelor
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #37 on: July 16, 2008, 01:23:48 AM »

K fixid. Color the big parts, grtammar and stuff like that probably didn't get much coloring, just when i remembered to add the color.
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Rhia
Songbird of the Sea
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Human, Blaar'kr


« Reply #38 on: July 16, 2008, 01:52:14 AM »

I completely understand about the stereotype thing. I suppose the weapons thing is more of a individual preference. I, personally, believe that most people would have some way of defending themselves, one way or another. That's my humble opinion. Well, it's your CD. :)
« Last Edit: July 16, 2008, 09:41:54 AM by Rhia » Logged

Azhira Styralias
Shamaness
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Half-elf, Aellenrhim/ Erpheronian


« Reply #39 on: July 16, 2008, 02:55:06 AM »

Ok Galden, some tiny issues I saw need attention before my approval... ;)

Name: Galden
Gender: Male         
Race: Dwarf
Age: 120
Tribe: Mitharim Tribe   
Occupation: Singspeaker
Title: Traveling Bachelor

Appearance
Height: 1 Ped, 1 Fore
Weight: 1 Pygge, 5 Hebs, 1 Hafeb
Hair Color: Brown   
Eye Color: Brown

Physical Appearance: Galden looks like a typical dwarf: short and stocky. His brown eyes flick about taking in everything. During the day, Galden has a hat the droops to just above his eyes. This makes the light bearable to his dark-accustomed eyes. Galden's pet bat may often be seen sitting on his shoulder. In fact, the tan shirt he wears has a dark depression where his bat sits. His black pants fit comfortably, loose but not terribly baggy. A smile or smirk is commonly on his face, but when he thinks deeply his mouth becomes a line. His beard flows down to the middle of his broad chest. Galden smooths it often, and when he thinks he strokes it. (The first thing I thought was: what color is his beard/hair? Thick beard? Thin beard? Bushy eyebrows?)

Clothing: A tan shirt with a depression on the right shoulder comes down a few nailsbreadths below the waist of his loose fitting pants. Galden also has a hat with a droopy brim to lessen the sun's light on his eyes. Finally he has a dark brown cloak to wrap around his body, to keep warm.

Personality: Galden enjoys jokes-maybe a little too much. He sometimes stirs up trouble with his bat, making people scream like they have seen a ghost. (How often do peasants see ghosts? I don't think this analogy works well in this instance...) He can become serious too, when he thinks he makes little noise and often stares at nothing. To him his eyes just cloud over when he thinks (Do they literally cloud over?), to others it seems he is trying to find a Bavereye Beetle hidden on the wall.

Galden's view on life is a common dwarven one. Humans can sometimes be tolerated. Elves can rarely be trusted, and Gnomes, Brownies, and Hobbits are the best races to trade with. Though this is his view, Galden practices common courtesy and is semi-polite to everyone. Sure he may be a bit more gruff towards an elf, but they won't be treated like vermin. With humans, he speaks suspiciously for a while before actually talking to them normally, just to make sure that they are trustworthy. Gnomes, Brownies, and Hobbits are treated the best, by far, by Galden, he starts off in a normal voice and slowly they may forge a friendship.

Strengths:
-Hearing~ He has been trained since he was a boy to hear a bat's chits, so he can hear so well that he when in a busy building he can pick out the other conversations easily.

-Night Sight~ Training to hear and see a bat in the dark has made Galden's eyes at home in the dark. He may see his bat flying high, in the night sky, eating insects. This allows hi(m) to see farther than most (most humans? Most dwarves?) can see at night.

-Jukuthas~ His companion, thought pretty useless by Galden at times, has the ability to carry a message to Galden's home every once and a while, to let his family know he is alright."  Jukuthas is also able to repeat Galden's chits, so if they are running low on money, the dwarf can always put on a show of his bat flying around and repeating what Galden has chirped to him.

-Singspeaking without machine~ Galden can understand simple messages that bats can carry without the machine to translate it. He can send messages home and receive messages without the need of the Singspeaking machine to decode the chirps.
 
Weaknesses:
-Mischievous~ Galden enjoys letting his bat loose in places as a prank. This gets him into trouble often and he has been kicked out of several places for doing this.

-Daylight~ In daylight his eyes often hurt. He tries to avoid bright lights at all costs, for if something is to bright he often can't see for a while.

Galden doesn't have very good sight during the day, he can see things only two peds in front of him. Jukuthas can be a better pair of eyes than he could ever have. Jukuthas is like a warning system, he will chirp and fly away, which tells Galden that something has scared the bat into taking flight.
 
-Loud noises~ due to his good hearing, loud noises, which won't affect most people, give him very bad headaches.

History: Born with a brother by the name of Kulan, Galden was the youngest of the forth (four?) siblings. The oldest was their other brother, Luthas, and the second oldest was their sister, Jude. His early childhood was just like most, learning things from his older siblings and parents.

When he was still young, he was playing hide-and-seek with his siblings. This was when Galden's father, Jutun, noticed his son had a knack for finding his brothers and sister. When Jutun asked Galden how he did it Galden said, “It's easy because they laugh when they hide.” Jutun listened for giggling and heard none. Galden turned around and found Jude hiding behind a chair. Jutun realized that his son had abnormally good hearing, and at once thought of his friend that was a singspeaker. He talked with his friend and this friend decided to train Galden to become a singspeaker. His father just wanted his son to be trained as a singspeaker, though his friend saw the potential and asked to be able to train the boy himself. And of course his father agreed.

Galden was shown a bat on the first day when he was fifteen. When Rimus (his father's friend) said that the bat was sending out very quiet chirps at that moment, Galden thought he heard very quite sounds coming from the bat. The next thing Rimus showed Galden was a tablet with common messages that are sent with a bat. The training, at that point, was fairly simple. Learning about bats and how to feed them, cleaning up after them, and learning the messages. Galden spent time just sitting, with a bat in his lap, thinking some days.

When he turned thirty, he was taken and shown the bats that the dwarves use, and also shown the Singspeaking machine machine. He learned how it worked and after a few years was able to repair some of a broken one. By then he was able to hear the chirps the bats made a little better, but he could barely distiguish (distinguish) between the different sounds. Eventually, Galden learned how to use the machine. He practiced with the machine for 30 more years, learning to use it and repair it.

When Galden was around sixty, he could hear the chirps without the machine. He couldn't translate them yet, but he heard them. This made him study the machine more closely and to what certain sounds meant. He learned more of the machine, enough to build certain parts of it, and learned how to interpret the bat's messages. At first he could only understand a few, but learned more and more over the years.

At age eighty, he was given a bat to train to repeat chirps. This proved quite hard and it took him two years to finally get a bat to repeat him. He also could fix a singspeaking machine, almost as well as a brownie who had just mastered being able to fix a machine. He was well trained and became a respected Singspeaker quickly; even the best Singspeakers were impressed by his ability.

Galden prepared for choosing, but none of the females chose him. His cavern that he made for choosing, was not the best. His skills were in Singspeaking, after all. His cavern was made tot he (to the) best of his abilities, and after he was finished he was pretty proud of himself. His cavern was just no match for the other dwarfs who were trained in stone working and such. He tried again and again, with no luck. After several years he gave up and Galden had become a "Traveling Bachelor."

At age one hundred and five, Galden asked if he could keep a newly trained bat as his own, as company on his traveling and surprisingly they allowed Galden to. He named the bat Jukuthas, using a part of each of his siblings' names in it. He went above ground and started to travel.

Galden has been traveling ever since, doing shows for what little money he needed. He hates doing this, but he needs money and people were always astounded at his ability to understand bats. He earns enough to buy him and Jukuthas food, drink, and a place to rest.

Weapons: He has no real weapons. He is better at informing the real soldiers on enemy positions if he is needed to.

Belongings: He has
-his clothing
-a pack with some dried food and a waterskin in it
-and a small money pouch.

Familiars: Jukuthas, a flittermouse, has been with Galden for 30 years. (Do these bats have a lifespan of 30 years or more?) Galden obtained Jukuthas when he became a 'Traveling Bachelor." Galden asked for a bat and they gave him a newly trained one. Jukuthas has soft light brown fur and his wings are a deeper brown. He has no distinguishing marks really but Galden can always pick him out from other bats, maybe because he is a little more chubby than most. Galden feeds him more fattening foods than insects. Jukuthas has created many problems, though Galden has sent him do create them. Jukuthas has flown into many rooms and scared many people. Many a time he has been swatted at with many things, always a near miss.

That's about it, Galden! A very interesting CD and it makes use of the Singspeakers quite nicely.   ;)
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Galden
Traveling Bachelor
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #40 on: July 16, 2008, 05:56:19 AM »

Quote
(Do they literally cloud over?),


I don't know...Would you allow it?  LOL

If it would work then i think it would be pretty cool for his eyes to cloud over but, if you don't think it will work i am fine with his sight just kinda blurring and to him clouding over.

Everythign else you pointed out is fixed now.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2008, 05:56:45 AM by Galden » Logged
Eléyr Fásamár
Serenity's Embodiment
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Elf ~ Kaýrrhem


« Reply #41 on: July 16, 2008, 06:09:30 AM »

~First Approval~

Say that his 'vision' would cloud over, instead of his eyes. That would remedy the wording. IMHO
« Last Edit: July 16, 2008, 06:10:28 AM by Eléyr Fásamár » Logged

Those who say only Insanity can bring true relaxation...
Have clearly never hired a Mindsmoother!

Eléyr's CD ~¤•¤~ Character Creation ~¤•¤~ Restrictions ~¤•¤~ CD Etiquette
Galden
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« Reply #42 on: July 16, 2008, 06:23:22 AM »

YAY! And i changed it to that. Thanks!
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Azhira Styralias
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Half-elf, Aellenrhim/ Erpheronian


« Reply #43 on: July 16, 2008, 11:39:15 AM »

Looks good to me, Galden!  Thumb up

Second Approval
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Galden
Traveling Bachelor
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Dwarf, Mitharim


« Reply #44 on: July 16, 2008, 12:09:33 PM »

YAY!
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