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Author Topic: Dorrugh Svenstar / Half-orc / Frost Savant  (Read 12609 times)
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Simonne Miller
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« Reply #15 on: January 16, 2008, 12:00:23 AM »

All right ^.^ One minor, very minor thing: in the last paragraph of the history, you say Dorrugh found 'kinship in the was of water magic', I think you mean 'ways'. Other than that, I'm fine with your CD, so as soon as one of the magic experts says that your magic section is all right, you'll get my approval. I'll give Twen a nudge for you ;)
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Dorrugh Svenstar
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« Reply #16 on: January 16, 2008, 12:21:17 AM »

Boy, you mods and your fine toothed combs... LOL

Thanks. Edited and awaiting your gracious approval.
« Last Edit: January 16, 2008, 12:22:11 AM by Dorrugh Svenstar » Logged

"The ebb and flow of a chaotic mind is a wondrous thing to behold"
Simonne Miller
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« Reply #17 on: January 16, 2008, 12:38:22 AM »

yes. I'm known for my nitpicking skills  LOL
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Twn Arerwn
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« Reply #18 on: January 16, 2008, 06:02:43 AM »

Quote
The emotional and mental state he can sense is like a sixth sense, a "gut feeling" that is usually correct.
If he is a "master" at reading other people's emotions and body language, don't you find that to be strength? As you have it mentioned this is a natural talent he possesses and it is indeed far above the norm.
~Sincerely~
Co cr'tuulens:Twen Araerwen

P.S: Simonne is our Grammar Princess, just be happy the Queen doesn't comment. ;)
« Last Edit: January 16, 2008, 06:15:22 AM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon,
ancient and full of death.
Dorrugh Svenstar
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« Reply #19 on: January 16, 2008, 07:21:23 AM »

Yes, you are correct...thank you for catching that. The ability to read body language and visible signs of emotion is now listed as a strength...perhaps those fine toothed combs are useful after all.  LOL
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« Reply #20 on: January 21, 2008, 07:41:20 AM »

~First Approval~
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Kalna Dal'isyrs
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« Reply #21 on: January 21, 2008, 11:11:42 AM »

My approval and title!

Congrats!
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
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« Reply #22 on: February 25, 2008, 12:30:58 PM »

Brought up with the pencil icon added! Please change it back to the exclamation when you are ready hun.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2008, 12:44:42 PM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon,
ancient and full of death.
Dorrugh Svenstar
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« Reply #23 on: February 25, 2008, 12:39:02 PM »

Thank you Twen. I'll be making changes to the magic and personality sections mostly. I wasn't happy with what I had before.
« Last Edit: February 27, 2008, 06:11:57 AM by Dorrugh Svenstar » Logged

"The ebb and flow of a chaotic mind is a wondrous thing to behold"
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« Reply #24 on: February 27, 2008, 06:12:11 AM »


EDIT - I have revamped Dorrugh. I have rewritten his Magic section extensively by detailing his spells so a magic expert will need to peek at it. I also added some aspects to his Personality and Overview.

Ready for comment and second approval!


 grin
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« Reply #25 on: February 28, 2008, 08:01:04 AM »

Dorrugh is a level 3 water mage.

Like his father, an ever elusive and changing man, Dorrugh inherited the spirit of change and movement in his life. His very soul yearns to live life to its fullest and to never allow his weaknesses to stop him from doing what he wants to do, whatever it is. As such, Dorrugh's emotional level is one of focus and drive but also the chaos of change is ever present. As such, much as the mind of an individual is in constant change, random with thoughts and emotions, so is Dorrugh able to sense<--How does his magic allow him to "sense" emotion? Altering the senses with magic is possible but sensing the state of them is not. and tap<--Tap? Manipulate yes, but tapping into them sounds like he is drawing from it somehow, which really does not sound feasible. into the mental chaos of another. As well, he enjoys manipulating the aspects of the water element and has tapped<--focused? into<--on the colder aspects of control and uses ice, frost, snow and rain in its various forms for study and defense of himself and others.

Mastery of the physical manipulation of water is the primary study for Dorrugh. During his studies at Ximax, he has learned to become sensitive to the water cr'll<--There is no such thing as a water car'all, only water ounia within the car'all. of individuals and can instantly influence the water cr'll<--again in an opponent. Although he tends to shy away from violence, he still possesses the temper of his orcish heritage and he doesn't hesitate to use his powers against a threatening opponent.

Dorrugh uses the power of cold to render helpless an opponent. The Ice Touch spell is a typical attack he might use against an opponent. Dorrugh will take his opponent's arm, shoulder or even head and begin to freeze the water car'all<--ounia within<--Ounia are within, about and around and should not be specified as this effect would merely entail the targets car'all as a whole. sending anything from a slight shill to a bone shattering cold through his opponent's body. Although Dorrugh has never killed anyone using this method of defense, he knows that it is not beyond his power to do so.

The Breath of Ice spell is another worthy offensive spell he uses when closer to opponent. By freezing the air he blows from his mouth, he can cause painful frost burn upon an opponent. This is usually enough to disarm someone who might want to choke him or handle him in some way. When blown in an opponent's face, the Breath of Ice causes the skin to become blue with chill and blinds the eyes. The opponent's skin will thaw eventually,<--Sphere I affects revert quickly to a neutral state within the car'all. but it is enough for Dorrugh to either flee or employ another attack. He can also use this spell on objects to freeze them and render them brittle and susceptible to breakage such as doors and locks.

Whenever possible, Dorrugh employs ranged spell attacks so as to not become entangled in a physical melee that could harm him. Whether indoors or out, Dorrugh can call<--He does not call them he manipulates them, calling would be like moving and that would be SphereII-III. upon the water car'all<--ounia in the air to freeze into sharp shards of ice of varying sizes and drop them upon an opponent. The shards cause welts, bruises and cuts upon an opponent and that usually is enough to stop an attack. The ice shards are not thrown, but fall naturally from up high and as such the wind element is not employed in such a spell.<--Mentioning wind is unneeded, general physics clearly dictate why they fall.

Not only can Dorrugh cause ice to fall from above an opponent, but he can also form a ball of ice or an ice dart and use it as a throwing weapon. Dorrugh can form several such small ice darts and toss them at opponents or objects using his own man power. Dorrugh is not a particularly strong man, but his throws are usually powerful enough to leave sizable wounds on unprotected skin.<--Ice balls, darts or snowballs thrown by hand would not leave sizable wounds. Although highly distractive, mildly painful with possible wounds, dependent upon style of shards is semi-likely, sizable is a stretch. Imagine when your friend struck you with an ice ball and thats about the idea.

The Area of Frost works well against groups of opponents.  By dramatically lowering the temperature within an area, he can slow his attackers down and escape. He will then flee or cause ice shards to fall upon the attackers. Area of Frost is also used to freeze the surface of wherever his opponents are standing causing them to lose their balance and slip and fall.

Frost Shield is a particularly effective defense for Dorrugh. He can freeze the surrounding water car'all<--ounia in the air and form a solid wall of ice to deflect arrows, or slow the advance of attackers. Creating bridges using this spell is also used to cross small expanses.

A method of attack that does not involve ice is the use of normal water. If around a source of water, such as a river, lake, well or even a large puddle, Dorrugh takes control of the raw element water ounia and shoots streams of water at an opponent with a powerful force that can cause the opponent to be knocked back and fall. The spell does not cause any permanent damage, but enough to cause a distraction.<--Some clarification of how "much" he could hurl would be nice. With such a vague description your character could empty a lake on someone.

Dorrugh has always been sensitive to an individual's state of mind and is skillful at "reading" a person's emotional state and body language (although not at reading thoughts). Dorrugh can sense the chaos and can manipulate the ounia within to disrupt the mind of a person using the Distract spell. By distracting the opponent, he can cause momentary feelings of forgetfulness or random thoughts and allow Dorrugh to flee or use another spell. He employs this spell more frequently so as to not engage in a violent situation.

In a similar way, Dorrugh can touch<--manipulate the mental<--water ounia in a person and give them feelings of calm and relaxation using the Calm spell. By using the Calm spell, Dorrugh can enable images of beauty or of nightmare within a person. The emotional and mental state he can sense is like a sixth sense, a "gut feeling" that is usually correct. With his own mind, he can reach out and "touch" the ounia and direct it according to his will.

The limitations of such a direct control of mental<--spiritual representations of water are not lost on Dorrugh. Those individuals who's mental focus and clarity is high and sharp, such as other high level mages, cannot be easily disrupted by Dorrugh. Secondly, Dorrugh's mind is also in constant motion and he finds himself unable to control anothers ounia<--emotions for long.

Dorrugh is an ever changing person and like the water he flows this way and that never sitting still for long. He uses water to manipulate the spirit while also mounting a powerful defense. In short, his magic represents the fears and wishes of his heritage - acceptance (mental) and if that fails, defense of oneself (physical and mental).
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The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon,
ancient and full of death.
Dorrugh Svenstar
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« Reply #26 on: February 28, 2008, 11:03:52 AM »

Thanks Twen. I feel like I failed the Mage Entrance Exam pretty badly... :( Seems I got my ounia and car'all mixed up. I went back and studied the magic entries (again) and refreshed my knowledge. Good edits. All of them were implemented and made sense.  Thumb up
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Twn Arerwn
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« Reply #27 on: March 03, 2008, 09:39:06 AM »

Quote
During his studies at Ximax, he has learned to become sensitive to the water ounia in the car'all of individuals and can instantly<--quickly/ Even high level mages take a blink or two for their incantations. influence the water ounia in an opponent.
Quote
Dorrugh has never killed anyone using this method of defense,<--defense is probably the wrong word here. The spell is definitely offensive in nature and killing has little to do with defense. he knows that it is not beyond his power to do so.
Quote
In a similar way, Dorrugh can manipulate the mental<--spiritual aspects of water ounia in a person and give them feelings of calm and relaxation using the Calm spell.
Quote
With his own mind, he can reach out and "touch" the ounia and direct<--A mage of this level can not "direct" ounia. This implies movement IMHO and should read more along the lines of "influence". it according to his will.
There is no such thing as failing magic Dorrugh. Every person that writes, studies and debates magic learns as they go and I am kinda impressed with how quickly you are catching on.

These points are the last issues I have noticed in the magic section, once you are finished with your edits I will give it a final read over. Although a re approval is not far off I am sure.
~Sincerely~
Co f cr'tuuln:Twen Araerwen
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Dorrugh Svenstar
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« Reply #28 on: March 03, 2008, 09:53:18 AM »

Thank you Twen. Without trying to sound like a "kiss up"... grin your own fire magic entry helped inspire me. You don't find many detailed magic entries and I researched as many as I could in the archives. I wanted as in-depth of an understanding of the magic system as I could. Your edits help alot - especially with the differences between directing and manipulating and the influences of ounia versus car'all...etc. I can see why there are so few mages on the boards.  ;)

Edits have been implemented! *whew*
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« Reply #29 on: March 03, 2008, 10:02:10 AM »

Quote
Dorrugh is an ever changing person and like the water he flows this way and that never sitting still for long. He uses water to manipulate the spirit while also mounting a powerful defense. In short, his magic represents the fears and wishes of his heritage - acceptance (mental)<--Spiritual and if that fails, defense of oneself (physical and mental)<--Spiritual.
Sorry I missed those not once but twice. Huh?

Mental alterations done through magic are only one aspect of the Spiritual manipulations of each element. Each of the elemental arts have Physical and Spiritual representations, it seems like you are confused when it comes to the definition of Spiritual aspects. Spiritual applies to mental alterations such as emotions, sensory manipulations (through mental exploitation)and the variety of aspects pertaining to the "psyche" of the targets.

Physical and Spiritual should be capitalized throughout the magic section as they are indeed "proper" titles.
« Last Edit: March 03, 2008, 10:06:32 AM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

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ancient and full of death.
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