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Author Topic: Azhira Styralias ~ Aellenrhim/Epheronian ~ Earth Mage-Healer  (Read 25325 times)
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Simonne Miller
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« Reply #30 on: May 12, 2008, 11:45:43 PM »

Brought up as requested. I changed the icon to the pencil for you :)
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #31 on: May 13, 2008, 09:54:31 PM »

Edits and tweaks complete!  :D

I've added some more content to the Overview, Appearance, Personality and Magic sections. I also removed a strength and added her birth date to the History.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2008, 09:56:33 PM by Azhira » Logged

"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Twn Arerwn
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« Reply #32 on: May 15, 2008, 05:56:55 AM »

Looks fine to me ~Rearchived~
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #33 on: November 03, 2009, 01:20:02 AM »

Brought up as requested. :D
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #34 on: November 06, 2009, 04:27:07 AM »

Whew! Its been awhile since I worked on this CD (or any CD...). It's a complete revision, pretty much a new character. The magic section is relatively simple and will need a magic expert to look over carefully. Otherwise, ready for comment!  Thumb up
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« Reply #35 on: November 06, 2009, 04:32:27 AM »

Magic section mostly looks fine, but two comments:

You say languor is a 'sphere II aspect'. Properties are global, they aren't limited to certain spheres.

You also say you use Sphere II for the languor. You don't exactly explain the techniques involved here, however, so I don't see *how* you are using Sphere II. I mean, Sphere I could be used for the same effects I would think, so if you are using Sphere II, you need to explain the process.
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #36 on: November 06, 2009, 04:48:18 AM »

Thanks josie. Ok, highlighted in Yellow. I use the Inertia property to slow and deaden the mind's pain reaction.
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« Reply #37 on: November 06, 2009, 05:08:17 AM »

*slaps forehead*

No no no no.

There was nothing wrong with languor. What is wrong is that there is no such thing as a 'Sphere II aspect'. Whether it is languor, or inertia, or whatever, it is all a global property. Languor/Inertia/whatever would be a property even if it was Sphere I, or Sphere III. Properties aren't restricted to certain Spheres.

*Edit* After double-checking the Earth entry, I see what you were referring to. Go ahead and make it languor again, but change the word 'aspect' to 'spell class'. Aspect made me think you were talking about properties, which was what got me confused.


You also still do not explain how or why you use Sphere II to manipulate this property to create this effect. Specifics here, Azhira. How are you specifically manipulating the ounia?
« Last Edit: November 06, 2009, 05:14:11 AM by Josephine Caranos » Logged
Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #38 on: November 06, 2009, 05:38:21 AM »

In Yellow again. Better?
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« Reply #39 on: November 06, 2009, 05:55:31 AM »

As mentioned in IRC, you've fixed the issues I had with the one effect, but I'm going to Uri the rest of your magic section and swap out certain words that give the wrong impression, for clarity's sake. Just the last two paragraphs need one or two little changes.

As a whole, the rest of the magic is fine.

Magic:

[...]

Once the patient is calmer, Azhira must work to help the wound itself. This involves the physical properties of earth Sphere I, namely solidity (remove this striked out section--solidity is the spell class of Sphere I, not the property you are manipulating. No need to mention the specific properties here though). For bleeding wounds, the spell Sanguinary Block is essential to slow the bleeding. By manipulating the earth ounia within the blood itself, she can focus on the property of solidness, making the blood thicker. By doing this, the blood runs from the wound at a much slower rate giving Azhira the time needed to bandage the wound to completely halt the bleeding.

Broken bones are also another type of wound that Azhira works with. Her work in the healing temples of Nehtor have given her the skills needed to mend a broken bone while her magic gives her the extra step of actually helping the bone heal faster. A broken arm, for example, must first be set properly back to its original position. This process is painful and traumatic for the patient so once she sets the mind at ease with her magic, Azhira physically sets the bone. She then focuses on the earthen property of hardness once more to strengthen the bonds around the break thereby making the bone not so weak.
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #40 on: November 06, 2009, 06:07:13 AM »

Very good, makes sense. Thanks Josie for looking this over!  heart All set.
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Deklitch Hardin
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« Reply #41 on: November 06, 2009, 06:12:39 AM »

Seeing that Josephine has looked at your Magic Section, I'm going to look at the more important parts rest of your CD for you, Azhira :D

Age - How old does she appear in human terms?

Appearance
Quote
Azhira is a frail half-elf, with a delicate physique and a decidedly elven features.
I don't think you need that third 'a' in it ie '... and decidedly elven features.' sounds better, I think

History (5th paragraph)
Quote
The study of magic was something that neither Azhira's knightly father or priestly mother never considered for their daughter.

I might be wrong here, but I think that 'never' should be 'ever.

Apart from that, I don't see anything that I can suggest needs improving or clarifying. An enjoyable read, Azhira.

Dek
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #42 on: November 06, 2009, 06:27:47 AM »

Thanks for looking, Dek!

You're OrangeThumb up
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« Reply #43 on: November 06, 2009, 06:44:18 AM »

Azhira asked me to withhold the 1st approval until after she's finished making some changes ... so I'm doing that :D
« Last Edit: November 06, 2009, 10:47:09 PM by Deklitch Hardin » Logged

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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #44 on: November 06, 2009, 08:11:58 AM »

Before any more comments come my way, I need to make a Belongings section and fix a few grammar issues I noticed. Stay tuned.
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
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