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Author Topic: Selarn / Cor'hm / Dark Seducer  (Read 9066 times)
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Sela
Dark Seducer
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Posts: 44


Elf, Cor'hm


« on: March 01, 2008, 06:02:49 AM »

Name:Selarn

Preferred Nickname: Sela

Gender: Female

Race:
Elf

Tribe: Cor'hm

Age:
118 (Appears as a human 25 years of age)

Approximate lifespan: 400

Height:
2 peds

Weight:
1 pygge

Occupation: Mercenary

Title: Dark Seducer



Overview:

With a bat of her dark eyes and a lick of her thick pouty lips, Selarna begins the seductive dance that sets men afire with lust. Upon first glance, one would begin to judge Selarna as a simple, yet beautiful, dark elf. But this devout worshipper of Cor has a restless, animalistic energy radiating from her that will tell you that she takes charge of whatever situation she comes into and has no compunction about doing whatever it takes to get what she wants. Selarna is a destroyer of mind, body and soul, and takes no prisoners in her quest for power and wealth.

Appearance:


When one's eyes first lay upon the slender, lithe figure of Selarna, they notice her dark, gleaming eyes first. The dark orbs reveal a confident alertness, yet also a dispassionate coldness. Her face is narrow with sharp cheekbones and a petite pixish nose enhanced with a single steel ring through the side. Her chin is smoothly round just under a pair of full, thick lips that are slightly reddish in color as if the elf had just sipped a bit of blood and had carelessly wiped away the drip...(and she may very well just have...)

Long, thick hair that is so black it seemingly absorbs all light around it, is tied back behind her head falling in two braids the length of her back and swaying back and forth just above her hips when she walks. A wisp of hair falls over her forehead barely covering her eyes. Her slender, pointed ears each possess two steel rings pierced through just below the ear point and another single earring hanging from the lobe.

Selarna wears dark colors, as favored by her tribe, but black is not the only color she wears. Dark green, midnight blue, crimson and brown are also colors Selarna likes. Her typical outfit consists of a dark brown leather and chainmail cuirass, black cloth pants and leather boots. Her arms are bare save for a brown leather gauntlet on each forearm decorated with small steel studs. Her slender neck is enwrapped with a leather strap, with small steel spikes around it.

Selarna wears a single silver ring on her right index finger and thumb and a silver ring on her left forefinger. An intricate tattoo of curved lines decorates her right shoulder and on her right thigh is a tattoo of a ghostly figure wrapped in shadow that the very few who have seen it say depict a Watcher phantasm.

Personality


Cold, calculating and ruthless. Those three words best describe the personality of the dark elf Selarna.

Having grown up in a loveless home, surrounded by war and intrigue, Selarna never knew the warm embrace of a mother and the protection of a father. She was taught how to survive in a cruel world that hated and despised dark elves. Her examples as a child were cruel clan relatives, her older sister, cousin and aunt, who plotted the destruction of other rival clans, and even their own family members, with a detached and casual missive. Selarna drew upon this as the only way to survive. Love, warmth and emotion were weaknesses and had no place in the life of a devoted worshipper of Cor.

To complement the cold detachment of life, Selarna also learned to be calculating in everything she did, from the way she looked upon someone to the way she walked and talked. Her caregivers were mistresses of intrigue, always plotting the next move to usurp their enemies. Selarna was taught how to study your enemies for weaknesses, calculate what it took to exploit those weaknesses and to strike where it hurt the most - both physically and mentally. Selarna was brought up as a successor to her sister and had been deemed as worthy of learning the secrets of secretly manipulating and destroying any potential rivals.

When time came to strike at your enemies, Selarna learned how to be ruthless and to kill without mercy. Her aunt, having rumored to have ordered the murder of her and Selarna's own mother, spared no one in her quest for power. As befitting of a Cor'hm warrior, Selarna had to learn not to bear emotion and never to be seduced by the pitiful pleas of her victims. Power was everything! Death was a release. Selarna lived in constant fear of her family, yet also learned from them that someday, she herself might eventually have to destroy her own kin for dominant rule of the clan.

Strengths

Combat skill scimitar - Selarna was taught the way of the blade from the moment she could walk. War was constant among her clan and three others and each was vying for control and power over the other. Her clan could spare no one in their fight and those who could fight were taught to fight and to fight exceptionally well. As such, Selarna learned how to dual with a scimitar and was blessed with extraordinary agility and grace with the weapon. She even learned how to wield two of the blades, however, her left arm is her weaker arm and she is usually unable to dual with both blades over long periods.

Combat skill dagger - Like the scimitar, Selarna was taught close range fighting with hand and fist daggers. The daggers are small, with no fewer than six always on her person in various locations. Usually one on each wrist, one on each thigh and one tucked in each boot. When close combat was in order, Selarna could quickly grasp a blade attack the vulnerable parts of an opponent's body - the throat, heart, eye or groin.

Social Skill Seduction - Selarna learned early on that the way to a man's trust was through his insatiable desires for fleshly pleasures. All of the women of Selarna's clan were taught the sweet, smooth tongue of seduction. While Selarna's physical form was more than enough to seduce a man, her speech was pleasing to the ear and distracting enough for her to slip a dagger into her victim. Selarna rarely has a victim die without a smile on their face.

Faith - Selarna has a powerfully strong faith in her god Cor that pulls her through every day of her life. She prays faithfully to the god of shadow for protection and power. Selarna believes herself to be a loyal servant and her thoughts and dreams are filled with images of the god bestowing upon her the blessings of the faithful. In her empty shell of a life, the service to Cor keeps Selarna going, if only out of fear of losing it.

Weaknesses

Material Wealth - Selarna has a desire for wealth in all of its forms and she herself is seduced by the cold gleam of coin and the brilliant shine of jewelry and gems. Haunted by fears of poverty and living on the streets, Selarna feels safer when she has baubles in her pockets and thrills at the luster of a gem and will do anything to possess such things.

The Thrill of the Kill - Selarna takes her service to Cor to the extreme and feels the need to regularly send her god the souls of unworthy victims to be devoured by the Shadow. She finds killing to be a pleasure and takes a casual outcome to death of others. To Selarna, death is a release and while she herself would never hasten her own death, she feels that she has the duty to hasten the death of others however she can. With a disregard for the law and order, Selarna feels above the laws of the mortal land and her crimes carry no consequence except to her god.

Drug Addiction - Selarna, like those of her clan, is addicted to the trance drink made from the Queprur's Love mushroom. The Bloodletter mercenaries gave her a glass of Trance drink as a second test of her loyalty to them. Unbeknownst to her, she was given enough to become addicted to it and the Bloodletters now use this addiction as leverage to hold her loyalty. As Selarna succeeds in her missions, she is given the drug. If she fails, they withhold it and she suffers debilitating headaches, muscle spasms and nightmares. Only they could provide the mushroom to her. When she does have her dose of mushroom, it gives her feelings of euphoria and relaxation - even sleep. Other times it heightens her senses, such as sight and hearing, for one hour, and she finds that she can hunt and kill with better skill. She knows that frequent use of such a drug is slowly killing her and she has accepted her ever shortening life span as a required sacrifice in service to her god and the Bloodletter clan.

Hallucinations and seizures - When Selarna doesn't take her drug of mushrooms, she suffers debilitating withdrawal symptoms that incapacitate her for four days. She suffers hallucinations and nightmares, muscle spasms and headaches. She cannot walk, speak or think clearly. When the two days are over, she finds herself weak, barely able to lift her scimitars until she can get more drug. Although she would never allow herself to get to this point, she knows that she must keep the mushroom with her and if her supply is ever to the point of running out, she knows she must do anything to get more. Unfortunately, the mushroom is rare and she is ever searching for a supply.

Finding a Source - The Bloodletter thugs were crazy to think that they could let loose their newly drug addicted assassin into an unknown continent to hunt an enemy that could have gone anywhere. But, that is what made them the most ruthless of the Cor'hm. Selarna knows that she must find sources for her mushroom addiction wherever she goes. She knows it won't be easy to secure a supply, but that is one of the challenges that the Bloodletter set before her. Weakness is not acceptable for the Cor'hm. Feed her addiction or die. A simple concept, overwhelming to accomplish, but not impossible.

Poor knowledge of Tharian - Selarna speaks the elven tongue of Styrash, and can only communicate with those who speak it as well. Tharian is a barely known to her and to communicate with Tharian speakers, she relies on hand gestures and body language. Of course, in her line of work, she rarely has to speak anyway, but it has become a hinderance to her when she can't speak the common tongue of the kingdom she is traveling in.

History

Birth - 3rd day of Cor'Phern (Month of the Dead Tree).

Selarna was born on a stormy night to a powerful clan mother and a warrior father. It is said that Selarna's mother was a victim of rape and the story is probably not entirely without truth. Selarna's father was a henchman and cutthroat of his clan who was frequently called upon to do the dirty work of the clan by leading raids and executing rivals. Soon after his youngest daughter was born, he was murdered in his sleep by his wife's mother in revenge for the rape and to eliminate him as a rival for power.

Selarna's mother had two daughters, Eylana and Selarna. There was also her mother's sister, an equally powerful clan woman named Zass and her own daughter, Arana, Selarna's older cousin. Together, the five women would plot and murder their way to the top of the clan power structure with Selarna's mother and sister being killed along the way.

Childhood

Selarna first took to life as a Cor'hm by learning the ways of combat. Her aunt and mother, both respectable warriors, taught Selarna and her sister how to fight with the scimitar and dagger. Selarna rarely had the company of men during her childhood as it was felt that she could better focus under the tutelage of women better then the weaker men. However, men would later have their own role in Selarna's life, albeit not a positive one.

When Selarna was 12 seasons old, she accompanied her sister and mother on a trading trip to barter jewelry for some much needed coin to fund the family's many plots and power games. During the trip, little Selarna witnessed the bigoted behavior towards her and her family. A group of three human men, probably rangers or mercenaries, made no secret of their hatred towards the dark elves and mercilessly harassed and ridiculed them. One of the men even threatened Selarna with death, or worse, saying he would "show the little elf wench a real man." The family took the harassment casually, but all the while plotting the men's demise.

When nightfall came, before they headed back home, Selarna's mother and sister donned their leather battle garments and hidden daggers and pursued the men into town. There, they found the men drinking in a tavern. While Selarna watched, hidden behind a table, her mother and older sister seduced the drunken men with promises of pleasure. Selarna watched and listened. This was how her enemies were to meet their fate. Not by open fighting, but by deadly seduction.

The women took the men up to their rooms. Selarna followed. Several moments later, when the men were properly distracted in their nakedness, her mother and sister repeatedly plunged daggers into them, killing them without mercy. Selarna learned a lesson that night. Men were weak minded. They died easily and with no fighting involved. When the grisly deed was complete, the three elves slipped out a window and escaped never to be seen in the village again.

Adolescence

After the incident with the three humans, Selarna was tasked with special duties to  help further increase the power of her clan. Selarna's clan, the Na'Throg, roughly translated as the "She Beasts", for their cunning and ruthlessness, the five chief women of the clan and their male cadre of assassins, body guards and servants, plotted a defense against a rival clan favored by the Bloodletter clan. The Na'Throg was once a favored clan of the Bloodletters but when their chief ally among the Bloodletters was assassinated, the Na'Throg lost favor and became a target for destruction. However, the Bloodletters didn't favor open warfare at the time and instead sent a team of assassins to destroy the Na'Throg.

Selarna's family was ready. Selarna, now sixteen years old, helped setup an ambush for the assassins that were sure to come. Her mother, sister, aunt and cousin all prepared and waited until nightfall in and around their homes. The assassins made their move. The family, along with their own guards, clashed with the six highly trained assassins and a fierce battle was fought. However, something was wrong. As Selarna fought her opponent, she saw her mother suddenly succumb to an arrow to her leg and she fell. The assassins made short work of her. Another arrow flew, this time hitting her sister. The assassins moved to kill her but Selarna broke off her battle and went to her sister's defense. Alone with her cousin, the two young women defended their sister until a third arrow struck Selarna's shoulder and she stumbled, left open to attack.

That was when her mother's sister stepped out into the open, her great long bow held ready. The assassins paused their attack and bowed reverently to their mistress.

"Let this be a lesson to you, Selarna," said the woman. "Let no one stand in your way to achieve your goals. Not even your own blood kin."

Selarna, strangely not the least surprised at her kin's betrayal, nodded once. As she watched her mother die, she thought of only one thing: her mother was weak. Selarna's aunt had orchestrated the entire assassination attempt to be rid of her sister and also to lay blame on the Bloodletter cult as an excuse to go to war with the largest clan in the Cor'hm society. Selarna's aunt had achieved the recognition that she secretly longed for: to become a fully devoted worshipper of Cor and the chief Ruhn of the clan.

As Selarna's aunt revealed her allegiance to the god of death and shadow, Selarna nodded in agreement. She, her sister and her cousin were now to become fellow worshippers of the shadow god and bring to bear their allies against the Bloodletter clan. It was surely a foolish maneuver, but Selarna dared not doubt the power of Cor. She had full faith in the power of Cor to protect and aid them.

It was during this time that Selarnas aunt took a man to marry, a clan ally named Torgal. The marriage was strictly done to help strengthen the clans position by having two Ruhn. The marriage was not without its problems as Torgal also plotted and schemed against the women, as befitting a true Cor'hm. Not long after, the women secretly organized a challenge for Torgal from another male, a superior fighter. Torgal lost and the challenger was put in his place. This new male, Uurak, was a weak puppet and followed the womens orders. He posed no problems and became just another servant for the clan.

Young Adulthood

Selarna was fully enveloped in the teachings of Cor under the guidance of her aunt. She learned the ways of the god and her skill with the blade, coupled with her beauty, soon came to the attention of the clan's chief assassin, Felmyer. He taught her how to use her seductive charms on men to lower their defenses in order to surprise attack them while they lay distracted. Selarna took this teaching with enthusiasm. For the next five years, Selarna used her body and blades to kill several lower ranking men of rival clans. Her tactic was simple: use the chief weakness of a male, his lust for pleasure, and exploit it. Many a man died in their own beds, naked and defenseless.

It was then that she was approached one night by two women, both of the Bloodletter clan. They offered Selarna a job with the Bloodletters and revealed a masterful plan to overthrow her family's clan. In return for her services, Selarna was promised a high rank in the Bloodletters. It seemed that Selarna's family was quick becoming a thorn in the side of the Bloodletters and they realized that the Na'Throg had to be eliminated from the inside.

Selarna, drunk with the promise of power, agreed to the men's terms. Within hours, she was sent back to her clan to undertake the test: murder her own sister. Selarna approached her sister one night in her bed chambers. With a single stroke, her sister lay dead. A single swipe from a finger blade did the job when her sister's neck band was briefly taken off.

It was then that her aunt and cousin appeared, catching Selarna in the act. They drew weapons and advanced upon Selarna.

"So you think to betray us?" her aunt asked. "I know of the offer by the Bloodletter clan. I admire your courage to kill one of your own. You are a true example of a Cor'hm warrior. But, I cannot allow you get in my way, dear niece. You are the last of my sister's meddling family and I shall send you into Cor 's embrace within moments."

Selarna knew her cousin and aunt to be finer warriors than she. Defying the powerful desire to duel her kin to the death, she knew her time had not yet come. She escaped by jumping out a window, falling six peds down, and landing hard but surviving. Selarna fled back to the Bloodletter clan where her reward awaited her.

Escape

The Bloodletter clan welcomed her back. They then offered Selarna a goblet of wine and a masterwork scimitar to replace her old family heirloom weapon, in celebration of her passing the test. Content in her newfound power and status, Selarna joined in the celebration and accepted the gift. She drank down the wine with enthusiasm. Unbeknownst to her, the wine was drugged with dried powder from the Queprur's Mushroom. The drugged drink, known as the Trance, caused Selarna to get a terrible fever and powerful hallucinations. She spent the next two days in agony, locked in a room, guarded by the Bloodletter mercenaries.

When the drug's symptoms wore off, Selarna awoke, weak, but with senses that were heightened and she felt a strength never before experienced, both physically and mentally. The Bloodletter warriors congratulated her on passing her second test. However, there was a catch. She was given a high dose of the mushroom and her body now craved it, in small doses, every two days. The Bloodletters had made her an addict. It was a tool for them to control her. If she failed in her duties, they would withhold the drug from her and she would fall into a terrible agonizing torture of nightmares, muscle spasms and headaches.

Now, a third and final test was given to Selarna before she could be accepted as a Bloodletter mercenary. A rival clan leader had recently left Nybelmar for southern Sarvonia with stolen secrets of the Bloodletters and sought to recruit an army of mercenaries and arms for a war with them. The rival leader must be eliminated before he could muster his force of outsiders. Selarna was given a choice: Find and destroy the rival leader and kill him. By any means necessary.

For Selarna, she had no choice. She accepted the job to go after the rival leader. She craved somewhere new for which to explore. She wanted to seek others of her faith and to give more souls for Cor shadow to devour. The clan wars were beginning to bore Selarna and she sought something new, fresh and dangerous. Not only that, but she was given a limited supply of mushroom from which to use. She was on her own to find more if she ran out, or return to the Bloodletters for more. Of course, she would only return if she succeeded in her quest. Otherwise, she was on her own to feed her addiction.

The Bloodletter leaders agreed. They gave her enough coin to find a ship and sail to Sarvonia. However long it took, they instructed, find the rival and kill him and return quickly. Selarna was promised a rank of power and the hand of any number of worthy sons of the Bloodletter with which to marry in order to seal her place among the most powerful of the Cor'hm clans.

Selarna departed early the next morning, armed with her beautiful new scimitar and her six daggers. Anything else she would steal, buy or kill for.

Weapons

One masterwork steel scimitar (a gift from the Bloodletter clan). This scimitar was forged by a talented Cor'hm bladesmith. Expertly crafted with perfectly a flawless polished steel blade and leather bound handle, the weapon is quite sharp and etched with elven lettering "guorn" meaning "devour".
One standard steel scimitar
Six steel daggers

Belongings

Studded Leather and chainmail cuirass
Studded leather gauntlets
Dark brown tunic and pants
Black leather boots
Dark green cloak and cowl
Waterskin
Pouch of Queprur's Love mushroom powder
« Last Edit: April 23, 2008, 09:31:08 PM by Sela » Logged

"Look into my eyes as the shadows devour your weak and pitiful soul..."
 Sela
Yurie Yileen
Walker of Dreams
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Human, Eyelian


« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2008, 06:49:06 PM »

Hi Morvayn,

I like the CD!  Well written and well researched.   :)

The only thing I would say is that this character seems unbalanced.  Maybe you could think up some more weaknesses?

Also, is the drug addiction a real weakness?  I wouldn't consider feelings of euphoria and heightened senses a bad thing.  In fact, I know a number of people who pay good money to achieve those very same effects!  buck

Anyway, congratulations on a nice piece of writing!
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Simonne Miller
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« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2008, 07:39:38 PM »

Does she get by her drug easily? If not, you could add that to the description of the weakness. Also, how often does she need it? If she has to take it at least once a day, it might be a very good weakness when she can't get her hands on it ;) But yurie: drug addiction usually is a weakness...

However, Yurie is right in that you're unbalanced at the moment. Most importantly, you have three different weapons, balanced by... using them a lot. I'm sorry, that's not really going to work. I'd advice some more weaknesses to balance her somewhat combat-oriented skills.
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Sela
Dark Seducer
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Elf, Cor'hm


« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2008, 10:41:43 PM »

Thanks for the comments and kind words.

I did do quite a bit of research on this character, both in the racial entries and the many, many CDs already approved. Not to mention, I read alot of fantasy novels and I love dark elves.

For the weaknesses, I have added an additional one that includes Morvayn's handicap should she not get her mushroom fix. Quite nasty. And, the mushrooms are rare to find, she is in constant danger of running out of her given supply. I would say this is a very real weakness and fear for her. So wherever she goes, she must find a graveyard or burial site where the mushrooms tend to grow. Of course, being seen stalking a graveyard has its own downsides, so she is aware of this as well. She must get her fix every two days or suffer the withdrawal symptoms. She was given an initial supply by the Bloodletters and was tasked with finding her own supply once she got to Sarvonia.

Secondly, I found a logical weakness in that she cannot speak the common language of Sarvonia. She knows elvish, but not Tharian. This makes it harder for her to get hired for jobs, trade or simply get information. She can speak to those who speak elvish, however.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2008, 10:52:18 PM by Morvayn N'melr » Logged

"Look into my eyes as the shadows devour your weak and pitiful soul..."
 Sela
Eric Kattaisson
Gentleman of Fortune
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« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2008, 02:21:12 AM »

Gaaarrr!  Ee bist jus' t' kind of lass I teks a liking too!  A psychotic drug addic' and wit' a fine figure ter boot!

Why, lassie, I bet yers got sum spunk, an' all!

So wat says ye?  'ow 'bout we breks out o' this 'ere scurvy board an' meks sum coin tergether?!?

* stepping out of character *

Nice to see the additional weaknesses and detail on the drug addiction.

Damn!  Those Santharian shrooms must be strong!

Good luck with getting a title... :)
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Don't talk ter me 'bout naval tradition; why, 'tis nowt but drink, whores 'n the lash!

Eric's CD
Twn Arerwn
Death's Mistress
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Elf, Iferhm


« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2008, 06:13:58 AM »

After a cursory read of the CD there is one major flaw I noticed. Queprur probably has no worshipers on Nybelmar as she is a Sarvonian deity. More than likely the Cor'hm Elves (Sevari) would worship the High God Cor generally. There may be a God/Goddess of death in Nybelmar but I will need to ask you to wait so I can inquire in the development forum.

Edit: There is no direct reference to a God or Goddess of death (earth) on the continent that I could find. Yet there are Goddesses and Gods of the other elements that are referenced so I can only say that all of the deities from Sarvonia do not exist there. The only ones that seem to transcend the continental barriers are Ava and Cor.

I hope my comments aid you in being titled soon. If you have any questions please feel free to ask them here as there are many willing to help you. I changed the icon to the pencil while you make edits, please return it to the exclamation mark when you are finished and ready for more comments.
~Sincerely~
Co f cr'tuuln:Twen Araerwen
« Last Edit: March 07, 2008, 06:43:09 AM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon,
ancient and full of death.
Sela
Dark Seducer
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Elf, Cor'hm


« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2008, 07:06:41 AM »

Ahh...good find Twen!

I have edited the CD and removed all references to Queprur and replaced with Cor. Of course, this meant I had to change the "goddess" to "god" and tweak some lines here and there. Morvayn is still a death seeker in service to Cor so that element hasn't changed. I understand that Cor is not a death god per se, but her twisted worship makes him one of many things - chiefly a death god to her.
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"Look into my eyes as the shadows devour your weak and pitiful soul..."
 Sela
Twn Arerwn
Death's Mistress
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Elf, Iferhm


« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2008, 07:09:42 AM »

That's fine Morvayn, death, chaos and such are all aspects of Coor. So using him in any of those representations is not a far stretch in any way. I did send some Nybelmar developers my inquiries as well, just to see if there is some obscure idea for a death God/Goddess in that area.
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The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon,
ancient and full of death.
lukecash
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« Reply #8 on: March 07, 2008, 07:17:30 AM »

One query, how does she injest the drug? Does she spike liquid with it, snort it after powdering it, or just eat the mushrooms? Not too major though, but it would be nice to know how...
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Sela
Dark Seducer
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Elf, Cor'hm


« Reply #9 on: March 07, 2008, 07:22:52 AM »

All of the above actually! Ideally, she would have it mixed with a drink of some sort - wine, water, ale...etc to dilute it. If no drink were available, she could "snort" it, but I shy away from calling it that for fear of being out of line concerning drug use on a public boards etc...it's probably best that she simply eat the powder or place it under her tongue. In no way does she "smoke" it either... Shocked

Most likely, the powder is mixed with another kind of powder substance to dilute it in another way before ingesting it. But like I said, ideally, she would mix it with a drink...thus why she has a waterskin.
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"Look into my eyes as the shadows devour your weak and pitiful soul..."
 Sela
Twn Arerwn
Death's Mistress
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Elf, Iferhm


« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2008, 11:25:24 AM »

Hello again Morvayn! Here are a few areas of your CD that I have found some discrepancies with.

1) The extraordinary number of weapon skills she has at such a young age is a bit much, especially when combined with her other 'learned' strengths. Expert with one, good with another and infinitesimal with a third would be more within the range of possibilities. In order to be considered expert in two weapons the calculations would like much like this.
Quote
Your elf looks like a human about 27.5 years old, has the aproximate  knowledge & training of a 35 year old human, and is 162 years old.
Even then this number would most likely be much higher as your character was trained to dual wield weapons. Not an easy task. Also one of those hands will be a weak side, no matter the amount of training. So you should clearly state the handedness of your character.

2) Under the strength of Faith you still have mention of 'Goddess' and Queprur.

2) Drug Addiction: All stories take place on the Sarvonian continent so the availability of this drug will possibly be minute, especially as a reward for services rendered to a tribe a few thousand strals away. True she was provided some for the journey, you are talking about a journey across the length of a continent. Then sailing across one of the largest known oceans. While finally needing to search out her target and gain their trust, well enough to kill them. For a rare drug this character would need a small wagon to haul the mushrooms needed for such a journey. In the least, enough to feed her habit every other day for around a year, just to reach the shores of Sarvonia. Also you use 'goddess' in that section as well.

3) Last paragraph in Adolescence history section has 'goddess' in it.

4) The Cor'hm are not predominantly ruled by Matrons, although each gender does consider themselves more powerful than the other. I am not sure if you brought that notion from another game but this is the direct quote of their leadership.
Quote
The Cor'hm are very clan-oriented. Within each clan are two Ruhn (Nybelmar Styrsh for "Ruler"). These two Ruhn need not be wed, or even know each other. They may rule together, or set the sexes against one another in an attempt to dominate over all. Challenges are issued at any time for Power, and the Ruhn must defeat the challenger or lose his/her place. Rulers do not last long, as the pressure to keep dominance is both dangerous and difficult.
~Sincerely~
Co f cr'tuuln:Twen Araerwen

« Last Edit: March 07, 2008, 11:32:47 AM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon,
ancient and full of death.
Sela
Dark Seducer
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Elf, Cor'hm


« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2008, 12:58:40 PM »

Much, much to think about...so here are my edits:

1. I have taken away Morvayn's bow skill as I was never really satisfied with it anyhow. I also added her left side as the weaker wielding arm and added that she is unable to dual wield fight for long periods. This gives her two weapon proficiencies. And, being taught these skills from childhood, I don't see how she couldn't be proficient with them.

2. Changed all goddess and Queprur references. Again. Using Word Find/Replace feature.  ;)

3. To quote the entry:

"Territory. Queprur's Love is said to be found anywhere where death has occurred, from a slaughterhouse to a battlefield. Mages say that the enriched soil encourages the fungi's growth, but the common people say that it feeds on the agony of the slain..."

Now, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that battlefields and cemeteries are not rare in Nybelmar or Sarvonia - except when traveling over an ocean. In fact, I'd say that every city, town and village has a cemetery or battlefield somewhere nearby where this mushroom can be found. Death is not a rare occurance, unfortunately.

4. See number 2

5. Speaking of matrons...that was strictly coincidence but I can see where you might have assumed I was inspired by that certain other game...in fact, I daresay that the entire race of Cor'hm was inspired by certain white haired, ebony skinned elves. The similarities are striking to say the least...but in the end, let's all blame Tolkien, shall we?  grin I have edited the entry for Morvayn's aunt to marry a male Ruhn who serves as a puppet servant only. I do like how the matron similarity turned out, now that you mention it.  Thumb up
« Last Edit: March 07, 2008, 01:13:58 PM by Morvayn N'melr » Logged

"Look into my eyes as the shadows devour your weak and pitiful soul..."
 Sela
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« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2008, 01:50:19 PM »

This is an excellent CD, I must commend on the thoroughness of your research and descriptions of Morvayn. I just have but one question and do not take it as I am trying to demean or slow the character up any, but with her addiction, would she need greater amounts over a long period of time due to a little bit not fulfilling her body's  "need" of it or would she need to ingest them more often, due to the same reasons? I realize that this is not something that would take place overnight but it would definitely be a weakness, and could become to the point where she would need to injest daily just to function and nightly just to sleep.

Just some food for thought based on knowledge I have gleaned from various sources and what not.
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« Reply #13 on: March 07, 2008, 02:31:28 PM »

Now, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that battlefields and cemeteries are not rare in Nybelmar or Sarvonia - except when traveling over an ocean. In fact, I'd say that every city, town and village has a cemetery (Really? How about those that use funeral piers, send their dead out to sea or magically destroy the physical forms? Since all the cultures of Nybelmar and Sarvonia are not defined there are a multitude of possibilities. Consider the distances involved in traversing an ancient world and I am sure you can imagine the next city, town or village isn't down that path. Then calculate those that would not accept a dark elf's presence under any circumstance and the problem begins to escalate.) or battlefield (Sidenote: There are no present day wars.) somewhere nearby where this mushroom can be found (Your character is well versed in flora, specifically lichens, fungi and mosses? Don't know how much you know about mushrooms but many look very very similar and many are deadly. With the persona you portray with your character, dealing with unsavory individuals doesn't sound far fetched but sadly not 'every' town would be mass producing this particular drug as you wandered through.). Death is not a rare occurance, unfortunately.

Just trying to express the high level of difficulty such a specific drug addict is going to face over such a journey. The constant search for this particular drug coupled with the character's inability to find and refine (Yes even mushrooms need special preparations to keep over long journeys. Meaning that your character could easily kill herself without the skills to find/refine an edible drug.) it on her own is going to extend this journey into epic lengths.
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« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2008, 02:59:48 PM »

Agreed...admittedly, this mushroom will be by no means easy to find. I understand that, hence why most of her weaknesses center around this addiction. If it were easy to feed, it wouldn't be much of a weakness...simply an annoying bad habit.  buck

Now then...perhaps I can come up with a compromise that will satisfy both of our need to be as realistic with this issue as possible without scrapping this entire weakness...which I am loathe to do as that is what makes Morvayn unique.

Consider this...Morvayn has to fight this addiction and feed it. Now, let's say that since this addiction is new, she doesn't really have to feed it so much. Perhaps increase her need to every 4 days instead of 2. Now, as Argon so intelligently pointed out, this addiction will possibly grow worse over time and she will need to take more and more just to be able to function. But, I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Right now, its a new addiction. If this is the case, then the trip from Nybelmar to Sarvonia will be manageable BUT once she reaches Sarvonia, she MUST find a new source as soon as possible or risk severe withdrawal. Hence, her first priority.

Second, a major issue with her is being able to find the mushroom and create a proper blend of it so it won't kill her. Morvayn has two things in her favor here: One, she knows how to recognize this specific Queprur's Love mushroom. She absolutely MUST know this in order to feed this addiction, which she does (and can be added into the CD). And secondly, she has the ability to find and befriend shallow and less-then-honorable individuals who may have access to this stuff...it takes a drug addict to know a drug addict kind of thing.

A occasional cemetery/grave will suffice if needed, but she won't rely on this as her sole source of the mushroom.

Lastly, I have added an additional weakness concerning the difficulty of securing a supply of the mushroom. Difficult, but not impossible.  evil
« Last Edit: March 07, 2008, 03:16:54 PM by Morvayn N'melr » Logged

"Look into my eyes as the shadows devour your weak and pitiful soul..."
 Sela
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