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Author Topic: Maue/Aellenrhim/Guide  (Read 15796 times)
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Angela
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« Reply #30 on: April 08, 2008, 01:38:01 PM »

Its true that 15 is quite young for an elven-mage. They start at 17 elven years (I think for level 1). Yes, the bolt magic is air but I got an idea on how to make it easier for him to kill himself (that really does not sound good).

Why not let him study Fire magic instead? He could die out of improper control of the element which is not hard to do. As for the schooling, Home-training is quite longer than ximaxian training so add a little more years when he goes from 1 to 2.

The bolt spell is level three if my memory serves me well.
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Maue
The Green Rider
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Elf, Aellenhrim


« Reply #31 on: April 08, 2008, 01:40:27 PM »

Thank you for all of your help and I think I will use the bit about him studying fire magic. However, Tyrone didn't kill himself. Did I make that part too confusing in my history?
Maue
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Angela
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« Reply #32 on: April 08, 2008, 01:57:10 PM »

No.... sorry if I did not made that sentence clear  grin . What I meant was it killed him. Sorry bout that.
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Maue
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Elf, Aellenhrim


« Reply #33 on: April 08, 2008, 02:00:00 PM »

Ok I am really interested. My way of having Tyrone die sucks. I understand that so what spell or theory are you segusting? I love your idea now that I am starting to understand it. The only problem is that it needs to have been someone else causing it and Maue needs to be able to have realized what happened.
Thank you very much
Maue
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Angela
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« Reply #34 on: April 08, 2008, 02:21:07 PM »

I am going to read how he died in your version then I'll try to activate my brain  :D .... forgot how he died... memory loss.

edit:  If he was to be a fire mage then Maue would not be shocked but rather burned. I originally thought that her borther died because of a spell accident but now I remember he was poisoned. Do you want it to be a spell related accident?
« Last Edit: April 08, 2008, 02:24:39 PM by Angela » Logged
Maue
The Green Rider
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Elf, Aellenhrim


« Reply #35 on: April 09, 2008, 12:27:27 AM »

I don't really care how he was killed just so long as someone other than Tyrone killed Tyrone. I kind of have this idea that it was some old guy who was confused and though Tyrone had insulted him. now what he did to Tyrone, that is where I am having the trouble.
Maue
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E.A. Poe
Azhira Styralias
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Half-elf, Aellenrhim/ Erpheronian


« Reply #36 on: April 09, 2008, 12:49:07 AM »

Seems more complicated than it should be...perhaps Tyrone died of a disease that affected his magic ability. It put him in a dazed state or confusion and when Maue came to help him, he burned her.

The poisoning thing seems out of sorts...like, who would want to kill Tyrone? Why? It seems simpler to just have him die of a disease or accident.
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Maue
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« Reply #37 on: April 09, 2008, 01:25:51 AM »

Thank you
I think that would work a lot better and I think I know how to work it in.
Maue
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #38 on: April 09, 2008, 04:39:50 AM »

I think that explanation works better, Maue. I would advise for you to remove the coloring on your CD so as us mods can read it a little better for the final read thru process. An approval is not far off, for sure!  Thumb up Thumb up
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Maue
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« Reply #39 on: April 09, 2008, 05:23:28 AM »

The green is gone! grin
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Maue
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« Reply #40 on: April 10, 2008, 11:54:08 AM »

To all of the amazing people who have given me comments,
Please continue. I will not be able to respond and adjust my CD until Sunday. If, miracle or miracles, I get titled during this time I want to say thank you in advance. If not I want to ask that you be patent with me and realize that I am not disappearing simply visiting some colleges.
Maue
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Celebriän Véneanár
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« Reply #41 on: April 10, 2008, 01:58:02 PM »

hello, i found only some minor problems { i only did a quick scan} and here thay are


I saw a lot of your sentances start with the word she or Maue. try to strat with diffrent words to make it seem less choppy and un-even.

Also You should tell more details about her daggers ,how long are thay,what do thay look like,how much skill does she have in them?

You allso tell of a bow,again add more details,what type of bow? Long,short,recurve,crossbow or eny other kind in Santharia.What does it look like,color,type of wood,any carvings or beads or feathers.If you whant to get picky you can tell us what the bow string is made off.tell us how much skill she has and how often she uses it.

       May the wind be at your back and your sword stay sharp-Celebriän Véneanár
« Last Edit: April 10, 2008, 02:12:28 PM by Celebriän Véneanár » Logged

iuá lythán iuá eophyrán.-Celebriän Véneanár
Maue
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« Reply #42 on: April 14, 2008, 09:44:49 AM »

I am back and changes have been made. They are not in green but if you would like them pointed out just ask.
Maue
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E.A. Poe
Simonne Miller
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« Reply #43 on: April 14, 2008, 05:53:37 PM »

Ok, I really have only one comment on what you have now: I do think the Aellenrhim have skilled midwives, who would be able to tell Maue's parents that they were expecting a twin, so Tyrone being born after Maue shouldn't be so much of a surprise. If you could change that, I think you're ready for approval :)
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Maue
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« Reply #44 on: April 14, 2008, 10:47:18 PM »

Thanks Simonne
I made that change.
Maue
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I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.

E.A. Poe
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