Atalante-Mermaid

[Atalante]

Name: Atalante
Gender: Female
Age: 16
Race: Merfolk
Tribe:  None
Occupation: None
Title: Mermaid

 Appearance
Height:  1 ped 2 fores 3 palmspans 4 nailsbreadths
Weight: 1 pygge 1 heb
Hair Colour: Green
Eye Colour: Green
Physical Appearance: Atalante has the upper body of what looks like a female elf. She has long arms and a slender torso which are a light green colour. Her hands have long and webbed fingers with sharp talons. Her face appears to look like an elven woman’s and has small detailed features. Her eyes are a deep dark green colour and are big in size. Her nose is thin and pointed and her lips are quite thin and a light pink colour. She has long teal coloured hair that reaches down her back which she sometimes decorates with seashells and seaweed. From the waist down she has a long and muscular fish tail covered in small emerald scales. She wears no clothing.


Personality: Atalante is a typical mermaid. She is not very intelligent, she doesn't know right from wrong and can't think of solutions to problems, but is still very playful and full of energy. She loves playing games and swimming with the whales and singing to the sailors. She learned to sing by listening to another mermaid and began to make her own songs and sing them to the sailors. She knows a lot of sailors but forgets them after awhile so she comes to the surface often. She lives a typical mermaid life and meets other merfolk every so often but prefers to be with the whales or sailors because they are more fun in her opinion. Atalante thinks a predator is a mean sailor or creature who is bigger than her. She disaproves of any other creature that kills and tries to avoid them, such as a mean sailor or a shark, but understands that this is the way it must be and doesn't get involved. Atalante loves most living things, so if she sees an injured creature she will try to help it by moving it to a different location, and if she fails she feels extremely guilty. Atalante tries to avoid violence between creatures so if a fight occurs she will try to avoid it.   

Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
•       Atalante has a powerful fish tail making her an incredibly fast swimmer, helpful for getting out of bad situations.
•   She has sharp teeth and talons to help defend herself and catch prey easily.

Weaknesses:
•   She has a short memory and forgets most things after a few sleeps, sometimes not remembering all the friends she has made.
•   She is unintelligent and does not understand the humam or elven world very well.

History: Atalante was born in the sea between the mainland and the R’unorian Isles, like most merfolk. In the first few minutes she was born, she and her mother swam around with the whales and other sea creatures. But after a few minutes her mother left her on her own and swam away with the whales.

 Atalante grew up on her own except for the occasional merman or mermaid that she met, but soon forgot about them. She learnt how to hunt for fish and defend herself, and she could swim from birth. She made friends with the whales and other sea creatures and loved to search for shiny things.

When she was eleven, Atalante went to the surface for the first time. She met sailors who taught her to speak human, which she finds difficult at times but can speak fluently, and traded shiny objects with them, such as metal or jewellery. The sailors were quite stunned when they saw her for the first time, but they soon grew to like her.She often went to the surface to talk to sailors or sing and comb her hair. When she was fourteen she found an unconscious sailor who had fallen off his ship. She quickly grabbed him and pushed him up to his boat. The other sailors were grateful and gave Atalante some shiny metal. She often sees sailors when she goes to the surface and talks to them.

Now sixteen she enjoys her life of playing with whales, talking to sailors and finding shiny things. She hopes for more adventures in the future and to meet more sailors.

Weapons: Atalante has no weapons and only uses he teeth and talons to defend herself or hunt for food.

Belongings: Atalante has no personal possessions and owns no property.

Familiars: Atalante has made many friends with sea creatures including whales, but due to her short memory she forgets most of them.

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

Just keep in mind, your character will be restricted in play to stories which take place by the sea or when the story takes the characters to the sea.

[Atalante]

Don't worry I understand

[Eek]

Hello, At the moment i am the only merfolk active on the board. Thought i would pop in and say Good Luck and give a run through of your history and personality to give you something to do. Everything else that i don't comment on looks fine to me, and has my approval.Not that it matters much if i give you my approval or not.

Comments in Teal!



Personality: Atalante is a typical mermaid. She is not very intelligent but is still very playful and full of energy. She loves playing with the whales and singing to the sailors. She knows a lot of sailors but forgets them after awhile so she comes to the surface often. She lives a typical mermaid life and meets other merfolk every so often but prefers to be with the whales or sailors because they are more fun in her opinion. Try to add more to this. Think of every Scenario you can and come up with a reaction for it. What would she do if a sailor pulled out a sword? What would she do if a predator of another sea creature was trying to catch one? Doing this helps flesh out your character.

 

History: Atalante was born in the sea between the mainland and the R’unorian Isles, like most merfolk. In the first few minutes she was born, she and her mother swam around with the whales and other sea creatures. But after a few minutes her mother left her on her own and swam away with the whales.

New ParagraphAtalante grew up on her own except for the occasional merman or mermaid that she met, but soon forgot about them. She learned how to hunt for fish and defend herself, and she could swim from birth. She made friends with the whales and other sea creatures and loved to search for shiny things.

new ParagraphWhen she was eleven, Atalante went to the surface for the first time. She met sailors who she spoke with and traded shiny objects with them. She often went to the surface to talk to sailors or sing and comb her hair. When she was fourteen she found an unconscious sailor who had fallen off his ship. She quickly grabbed him and pushed him up to his boat. The other sailors were grateful and gave Atalante some shiny metal. She often sees these sailorsShould chnage this to sailors instead of 'these' sailors. Right now it sound like those same sailors are the ones she sees all the time when she goes to the surface and talks to them.

New paragraphNow sixteen she enjoys her life of playing with whales, talking to sailors and finding shiny things. Would be nice to havea something else with this paragraph but might be hard to find soemthing else to say.

Also, you should add a sentence or two after each Strength and weakness telling how it helps or hinders you.

[Atalante]

Thank you i have changed what you suggested and i hope it looks better! thank you!

[Azhira Styralias]

Hi Atalante! Great CD...not many mermaids around here. In fact, there is only one other one as you've met him already (Eek). I'll make a few comments for you in Orange.

Name: Atalante
Gender: Female
Age: 16
Race: Merfolk
Tribe:  None
Occupation: None
Title: Mermaid

(Above looks good. Simple, basic and nothing unusual.  )

 Appearance
Height:  1 ped 2 fores 3 palmspans 4 nailsbreadths
Weight: 1 pygge 1 heb
Hair Colour: Green
Eye Colour: Green
Physical Appearance: Atalante has the upper body of what looks like a female elf. She has long arms and a slender torso which are a tinted green colour. Her hands have long and webbed fingers with sharp talons. Her face appears to look like an elven woman’s and has small detailed features. She has long teal coloured hair that reaches down her back which she sometimes decorates with seashells and seaweed. From the waist down she has a long and muscular fish tail covered in small emerald scales.

(I'd like to see a bit more detailed description of her appearance. Tinted light green? Dark green? Also, help describe her "elven woman" features...not all elves look alike. Otherwise, looks good as well.)

Clothing: Being a mermaid, Atalante wears no clothing but sometimes decorates her hair with long bits of seaweed and tiny seashells. (You could probably note her lack of clothing in the appearance section rather than make a separate paragraph as you mention that she decorates her hair with shells and seaweed twice.)

Personality: Atalante is a typical mermaid. She is not very intelligent (not very intelligent as compared to what? We consider some animals intelligent, but only compared to similar animals, but less intelligent than humans.) but is still very playful and full of energy. She loves playing with the whales (how do you play with a whale?) and singing to the sailors (expand more on this her practice of singing. Does she go to a particular spot to sing? Does she prefer a certain kind of song?). She knows a lot of sailors but forgets them after awhile so she comes to the surface often. (How does she go about meeting and speaking to these sailors?) She lives a typical mermaid life and meets other merfolk every so often but prefers to be with the whales or sailors because they are more fun in her opinion. Atalante thinks a predator is a sailor or creature who is bigger than her and is armed. She hates any other creature that kills and tries to avoid them, such as an armed sailor or a shark. (Even if the shark must kill in order to eat? Wouldn't a mermaid understand this basic necessity?) Atalante loves most living things, so if she sees an injured creature she will try to heal it (how does she try to heal it? What kinds of techniques does she use?), and if she fails she feels extreamly (<- extremely) guilty. Atalante tries to avoid viloence (<- violence) between creatures (what creatures?) so if a fight occurs she will try to stop it, usually ending up badly. (How so?)    

Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
•   Atalante has a powerful fish tail making her an incredibly fast swimmer, helpful for getting out of bad situations.
•   She has sharp teeth and talons to help defend herself and catch prey easily.

Weaknesses:
•   She has a short memory and forgets most things after a few sleeps, not remembering all the friends and enemies she has made.
•   She is unintelligent and does not know very much, making her easy to trick or bribe. (Intelligence can mean many things...being vulnerable to to tricks and bribes doesn't make one unintelligent, just naive or perhaps inexperienced. I would rather say that she is not wise in the ways of the surface world, in the ways of humans, but she is a creature of the sea and much more intelligent than say a fish. She has instinct, emotions, concepts of right and wrong...these make her intelligent in her own way.)

History: Atalante was born in the sea between the mainland and the R’unorian Isles, like most merfolk. In the first few minutes she was born, she and her mother swam around with the whales and other sea creatures. But after a few minutes her mother left her on her own and swam away with the whales. (Any reason why her mother would do this?)

 Atalante grew up on her own except for the occasional merman or mermaid that she met, but soon forgot about them. She learnt how to hunt for fish and defend herself, and she could swim from birth. She made friends with the whales and other sea creatures and loved to search for shiny things.

When she was eleven, Atalante went to the surface for the first time. She met sailors who she spoke (she couldn't speak the language of humans or elves...so how else could she communicate?) with and traded shiny objects (objects such as?) with them. She often went to the surface to talk to sailors or sing and comb her hair. When she was fourteen she found an unconscious sailor who had fallen off his ship. She quickly grabbed him and pushed him up to his boat. The other sailors were grateful and gave Atalante some shiny metal. She often sees sailors when she goes to the surface and talks to them. (She saved a sailor. Nice touch.  )

Now sixteen she enjoys her life of playing with whales, talking to sailors and finding shiny things. She hopes for more adventures in the future and to meet more merfolk.

Weapons: Atalante has no weapons and only uses he teeth and talons to defend herself or hunt for food.

Belongings: Atalante has no personal possessions and owns no property.

Familiars: Atalante has made many friends with sea creatures including whales and dolphins, but due to her short memory she forgets most of them.

(A good CD, but in my opinion, needs a bit more details in your history and appearance  . There is alot you can do with Atalante, much potential. But, for a simple mermaid, she works fine.  )

[Eek]

History: Atalante was born in the sea between the mainland and the R’unorian Isles, like most merfolk. In the first few minutes she was born, she and her mother swam around with the whales and other sea creatures. But after a few minutes her mother left her on her own and swam away with the whales. (Any reason why her mother would do this?)

That is just what merfolk do...Short attention spans and all

[Atalante]

bump

[Azhira Styralias]

Hello again, Atalante! Sorry for the lack of comments...I didn't know you made any edits since last time. But, I see now that you have and they look good. For a simple mermaid, I'd say she works well. Nice work.

What I'd like to see is how the sailors reacted to her. Most think that mermaids are creatures of legend. How did they react? Did you ever make any enemies?

I'll pass along for more comments from another mod to get their thoughts, ok? 

[Zann Lightbringer]

Greetings Atalante, and welcome to the Dream. I love the CD! Short and sweet.
Comments in the fiery color of red.

Name: Atalante
Gender: Female
Age: 16
Race: Merfolk
Tribe:  None
Occupation: None
Title: Mermaid

 Appearance
Height:  1 ped 2 fores 3 palmspans 4 nailsbreadths
Weight: 1 pygge 1 heb
Hair Colour: Green
Eye Colour: Green
Physical Appearance: Atalante has the upper body of what looks like a female elf. She has long arms and a slender torso which are a light green colour. Her hands have long and webbed fingers with sharp talons. Her face appears to look like an elven woman’s and has small detailed features. Her eyes are a deep dark green colour and are big in size. Her nose is thin and pointed and her lips are quite thin and a light pink colour. She has long teal coloured hair that reaches down her back which she sometimes decorates with seashells and seaweed. From the waist down she has a long and muscular fish tail covered in small emerald scales. She wears no clothing. (Oooh lala! I would LOVE to meet her in person! )


Personality: Atalante is a typical mermaid. She is not very intelligent, she doesn't know right from wrong and can't think of solutions to problems, but is still very playful and full of energy. She loves playing games and swimming with the whales and singing to the sailors. She learnt to sing by listening to another mermaid(Merfolks are very forgetful, so this is very contradicting to her race.) and began to make her own songs and sing them to the sailors. She knows a lot of sailors but forgets them after awhile so she comes to the surface often. She lives a typical mermaid life and meets other merfolk every so often but prefers to be with the whales or sailors because they are more fun in her opinion. Atalante thinks a predator is a sailor or creature who is bigger than her and is armed(How would she know that someone is armed?). She hates any other creature that kills and tries to avoid them, such as an armed sailor or a shark, but understands that this is the way it must be and doesn't get involved. Atalante loves most living things, so if she sees an injured creature she will try to heal it by moving it to a different location or using various plants(How did a mermaid became this intelligent?), and if she fails she feels extremley(extremely) guilty. Atalante tries to avoid violence between creatures so if a fight occurs she will try to avoid it.   

Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
•   Atalante has a powerful fish tail making her an incredibly fast swimmer, helpful for(remove 'for', put 'in') getting out of bad situations.
•   She has sharp teeth and talons to help defend herself and catch prey easily.

Weaknesses:
•   She has a short memory and forgets most things after a few sleeps, not remembering all the friends and enemies she has made.
•   She is unintelligent and does not know very much, and doesn't know the ways of the human or elven world.

(Both your strengths and weaknesses are not really S&W's, but are characteristics of her race. These are normal to all merfolk. S&W's are what sets you apart from other merfolk by putting you in an advantage or a disadvantage.)

History: Atalante was born in the sea between the mainland and the R’unorian Isles, like most merfolk. In the first few minutes she was born, she and her mother swam around with the whales and other sea creatures. But after a few minutes her mother left her on her own and swam away with the whales.

 Atalante grew up on her own except for the occasional merman or mermaid that she met, but soon forgot about them. She learnt(learned) how to hunt for fish and defend herself, and she could swim from birth. She made friends with the whales and other sea creatures and loved to search for shiny things.

When she was eleven, Atalante went to the surface for the first time. She met sailors who taught her to speak human(Unless this is being performed often, she is likely to forget such things.) and traded shiny objects with them, such as metal or jewellery. She often went to the surface to talk(See comment above.) to sailors or sing and comb her hair. When she was fourteen she found an unconscious sailor who had fallen off his ship. She quickly grabbed him and pushed him up to his boat. The other sailors were grateful and gave Atalante some shiny metal. She often sees sailors when she goes to the surface and talks to them.

Now sixteen she enjoys her life of playing with whales, talking to sailors and finding shiny things. She hopes for more adventures in the future and to meet more merfolk.

Weapons: Atalante has no weapons and only uses he teeth and talons to defend herself or hunt for food.

Belongings: Atalante has no personal possessions and owns no property.

Familiars: Atalante has made many friends with sea creatures including, but due to her short memory she forgets most of them.

And there you go. It's a nice CD. I must confess it is very hard to create a mermaid for a first character, so good work! However, if you want to make a mermaid, you must think like one. I hope that aids you in making a mermaid character.

Have a nice day.

[Celebriän Véneanár]

hello,i found one problem other than needing more details.You say that "Now sixteen she enjoys her life of playing with whales, talking to sailors and finding shiny things. She hopes for more adventures in the future and to meet more merfolk."

But before this you say "She lives a typical mermaid life and meets other merfolk every so often but prefers to be with the whales or sailors because they are more fun in her opinion"

Why would she whant to meet more of her race when whales and sailors are more fun and entertianing to be with?

This is only my 2 cents.

May the wind be at your back and your sword stay sharp.-Celebriän Véneanár

[Atalante]

I changed her skin, tail and hair colour to silver and grey because the picture i am using is that colour. Sorry for any confusion!

[Azhira Styralias]

I know that your original Strengths and Weaknesses was commented on by Zann, but I prefer your original S&W better...the new S&W just doesn't fit right with me and I honestly see no reason to have had it changed.

Also, your skin, tail and hair color is ok to leave green. You don't have to change it to match your avatar. It's the information in the CD that determines your character, not your picture. I'd recommend changing back to your original colors as the merfolk race do not have silver and gray coloration.

And lastly, I think your details are fine. You are a simple mermaid with really nothing extraordinary about her. I don't feel the need for you to come up with more and different details just for the sake of it.

[Atalante]

Thank you that is a huge relief!

[Twén Aråerwén]

~First Approval~

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