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Author Topic: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith  (Read 13556 times)
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #30 on: June 17, 2008, 02:59:27 AM »

Ok I got it. Now back to the CD what else do I need to change/fix, please be precise. How do I know if someone has the avatar or not?
« Last Edit: June 17, 2008, 06:27:38 AM by Santhos Avathcin » Logged

The Dullest Pencil Remembers Longer Then the Sharpest Mind.


Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #31 on: June 17, 2008, 07:26:42 AM »

Trial and error, I would presume.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #32 on: June 17, 2008, 07:33:09 AM »

Ok then well thanks for clearing that up. Now back to commenting on the CD. What needs to be changed or modified and feel free to give nonerror suggestions or however your supposed to say that.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #33 on: June 17, 2008, 01:36:00 PM »

Greetings Santhos, and welcome to the Dream. Comments in the fiery color of red.

Name: Santhos Avathcin

Gender: Male

Age: 31

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.(You'll need a perfectly good reason about why these dwarves should raise him. Even though they are outcasts, they still won't trust other races easily and would prefer their own kind rather than others.)

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast of the Shady Grove

Height: Two peds tall

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on Ava's green world.

Appearance: His hands are very large, about the size of his head(His whole head? Those are very large hands.). His hands don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthened and numbed them from the constant vibrations of the hammer. The skin on his hands is very thick and rough. He has thick, dark brown hair, which is always well groomed and combed. He is rather thin, but he is strongly built, a fair bit stronger than an average man because he has to move around large pieces of metal for smithing and forging. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has a very intimidating gaze, but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan; he's not black but its dark, which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes(Doesn't he smith inside his smithy?). He can often be seen strolling through the streets or in his smithy whistling a happy tune as he goes about his business.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability. He also wears a belt with an assortment of knives and his giant hammer in small loops of leather on his belt(A giant hammer dangling from his belt? How did he manage to walk?). When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic like at formal occasions of a happy nature and a plain white shirt and dark brown pants made of a coarse fabric for daily use.

Personality: Because of his father, Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures then(than) work with them. He would like to be the silent type but at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating, but if he doesn't like you, your(you're) not likely to get much more then(than) a cold shoulder. If he decides he does like you then he'll give you a chance to get to know you and further meetings can be expected. He has a strange sense of humor and can't think of any original funny things to say, but he can tell when other people are funny (or trying to be), he also has a hard time understanding sarcasm. A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be angered though it takes a lot to do it. You could insult him to his face and he would be unlikely to respond. He was raised to dislike liars and if any(no space here) thing can annoy him it's a human liar. When nervous or thinking, he has the bad habit of biting his nails. He is not much of a people person and he has trouble relating to people because of his unusual history. He would much rather spend his time sitting in a high tree in a forest or hiking through the woods. Santhos greatly believes in the power of written word and he is very organized. He keeps a journal and fills it in at the end of every day of things that happened throughout the day. At times if he is very bored he will write down entire conversations in hopes that he will remember all these things at a later date.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously).

He fights well with daggers, axes at close range and at throwing them properly because of the dwarfs who raised him. Which is helpful when his hammer is elsewhere.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight. Which helps so that thieves and other unfriendly persons can't surprise him well if they are hiding in the shadows.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Meaning, if need be, he can start a fire, kill some game, gut and cook it, usually into some form of stew, if the necessary materials (wood, kindling, a weapon preferably a knife and water) are available.

He is a marvelous climber and can easily scramble up a tree if he's not carrying too much. He has no fear of heights and can climb to very high points on a tree with little trouble.

Santhos can read and write, a skill that his ancestors (on the elven side) prised(prized). He keeps a daily journal of events so that when necessary he can refer back to that to remember something.

Santhos is slightly stronger then(than) your average human. this comes from moving large pieces of metal around his Fathers' smithy. He can lift and move some larger and heavier objects then most men.

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. Due to a horrible accident in his youth he can't swim, though he is too proud to admit it, and he's afraid of large bodies of water. He will not willingly go any deeper into a lake or pond than his knees.

Santhos has problems with cold. If it's very cold then his body can't function well. During the winter he is either in his smithy with the furnaces heating the place and wrapped in his cloak to keep warm.(How is this a weakness? Most people can't stand cold either and would shiver if kept in it long enough.)

He is not a people person, and, other then(than) his fathers, he knows very few people.

Though he has no fear of heights, he does mind depths. If he was in a hole, canyon, gorge, below ground(space)or, Ava forbid, below sea level(There are no submarines in Santharia.) he would be very tense and nervous

Being friends with him can be dangerous as he accidentally hurts the people around him in minor ways, because of this people avoid him and he has few friends.

If someone is talented enough to make him angry, that person, if the were speaking directly to him, is likely to get slightly hurt.

He can be (a) scatter brained(scatterbrain) and zone out at times and he can easily miss important things if he's not paying attention. The people around him sometimes need to help him stay on track.

Santhos' hands are constantly numbed from(space)the vibrations of his hammer hitting metals in his fathers' smithy. Because of this he has great trouble manipulating small or deliquite(delicate) objects with(no space here) out damaging them.

History: Santhos' parents met when his mother, Avath, was 38 years old and when his father was 28. Impressed by his charm and blinded by his beauty Santhos' mother married his father and ran off with him to the city of Marcogg. There she gave birth to a son and named him Santhos, after Santhros King of Santharia. Though Santhos' father was a(an) abnormally stupid man and one time when he was quite drunk Santhos' mother was falsely accused of adultery and Santhos' father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady Grove on horse back with her son. There she died on the doorstep of a home of three dwarves, with whom she had gone to visit often, when the strains of humanity became too much for her)She had been married to him for over a year at this time). For she had been rejected from her tribe for marrying a human with such a low intelligence, and many others rejected her for the same reasons. The dwarfs accepted her for they also had been cast from their tribe because of their belief that marrying/mating with the humans would be in the people's better interest(Dwarves don't need to 'believe' that marrying other races would be in the people's best interest. They know very well that such pairs are not compatible, not to mention the fact that they don't trust other races easily. It would take years of development for them to trust others.). Her sporadic disappearances into the grove had added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.

The dwarvess(dwarves) raised him as their son teaching him all they knew, greatly involving smith work for that is what they were, and also how to defend himself with weapons. As he grew past them, Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for them in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self, like how to swim and after a very close incident in which he almost drowned he quit trying, and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause their(they're) deadly. Because of this, he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself.

Before he was taught how to hunt, Santhos found a very large snake near his father's smithy. Upon further observation, he discovered that the snake had only just started to devour a small rat that was squirming with half its body in its mouth. Believing that all things deserve to live Santhos seized a hammer and hit the snake knocking it unconscious. He slowly pulled the rat out of the mouth of the beast and took it home where he nursed it back to health(snakes kill in two ways. One is through poison, which makes rescuing the rat futile unless you have an antidote. The other is through constriction, and in this case the bones of the victim are crushed and there is very little you can do, save to end its pain.), feeding it small chunks of bread and milk. When he tried to release the rat he found that it would not leave him and it followed him for over a day before Santhos started to carry it in his pocket and on his shoulder.

Weapons: Santhos carries a giant hammer made of steel and he is most prominent with this weapon but he also carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt which he carries in a special (abnormal not magical) elven belt that his fathers gave him(elven belt of dwarven manufacture? That is very unlikely since dwarves are not good leather workers and anything they make is 'dwarven'.).

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather, a plain white shirt and brown pants made from a coarse fabric, a dark green tunic for formal occasions, and some tools for light smithy work. Other then(than) that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a Ximax Rat named Melody(Aren't Ximaxian rats found in Ximax?), whose glossy neat fur is black but has light brown streaks in it. She is quite small, obviously born the runt of the litter or whatever a group of baby rats are called. Santhos saved her from the jaws of a snake when he was young, and she rides in one of his pockets when there are around people but is otherwise on his shoulder. Melody is incredibly loyal to Santhos and she's actually quite smart and capable of understanding Tharian. She's incredibly shy and concerned for others feelings. If someone were crying she would try and comfort them. She is likely to compared to a young woman in a rat’s body. She cannot speak at all but Santhos can easily understand what she wants to communicate because of how long they've been together. Though Santhos found her when she was a child she shows no signs of age and seems to have been blessed with unusual long life.

And there you go. Capitalize words where it is needed and fix the comments I gave you. Another thing, I think your S&W's needs to be looked at, as I think you're not balanced. He is good at both melee and ranged warfare, and is an excellent woodsman. These strengths are countered by his being shy, an intolerance to cold, and a probability to hurt others when the conditions are right. I'm only a minimod though, and would leave the S&W's to others with more experience than me.

Have a nice day.
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Eléyr Fásamár
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« Reply #34 on: June 17, 2008, 10:49:32 PM »

Ximaxian Rats originated in Ximax, but are now found anywhere but Ximax, as they had the intelligence to flee to an area less populated by Ximax Cats.
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Silmarwen Elanessë
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« Reply #35 on: June 20, 2008, 04:16:21 AM »

Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously).

He fights well with daggers, axes at close range and at throwing them properly because of the dwarfs who raised him. Which is helpful when his hammer is elsewhere.

How did he learn all this? Did It take a long time?

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight, which helps so that thieves and other unfriendly persons can't surprise him well if they are hiding in the shadows.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Meaning, if need be, he can start a fire, kill some game, gut and cook it, usually into some form of stew, if the necessary materials (wood, kindling, a weapon preferably a knife and water) are available. Did his "fathers" teach him that?

He is a marvelous climber and can easily scramble up a tree if he's not carrying too much. He has no fear of heights and can climb to very high points on a tree with little trouble.

Santhos can read and write, a skill that his ancestors (on the elven side) prised. He keeps a daily journal of events so that when necessary he can refer back to that to remember something. Once again, Did his "fathers" teach him that?


Santhos is slightly stronger then your average human. this comes from moving large pieces of metal around his Fathers' smithy. He can lift and move some larger and heavier objects then most men.

 grin hope this helped.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #36 on: June 24, 2008, 06:00:30 AM »

Thank you for your help. Some of the things that the minimod and Silmarwen said I think was just misread like the belt is of elven manufacture but it was purchased or gained by the dwarves and they gave it to him they didn't make it themselves. Also I think its taken for granted that his fathers taught him every thing he knows because he knows no one else and they raised him from a baby. As for the comment about the submarine no comment. I'm sorry if this offends or sound rude I'm in kinda a bad mood today but I hope people will forgive me for this.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2008, 02:49:58 AM by Santhos Avathcin » Logged

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Santhos Avathcin
Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #37 on: June 26, 2008, 10:14:47 AM »

I'm in a better mood today I got rid of all the old new comments (the old modifications) and polished up a few things but I think I've run into a road block I've been thinking about one of the comments and I'm a little peeved at myself. Could someone help me with a reason why the dwarves would be outcasts and still very friendly towards elves. Any other comments on any thing else is also much appreciated.
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Santhos Avathcin
Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #38 on: July 01, 2008, 05:56:45 AM »

Where is every one its been days since any one commented far over a week. I'm sorry if this sounds rude but there has been little moderator function on the CD's. Maybe its just me but I would like some help.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #39 on: July 01, 2008, 06:08:09 AM »

I can only speak for myself.  I didn't comment on your CD today because there is still the big issue of the dwarves adopting you and to be honest I can't think of a solution  buck
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #40 on: July 01, 2008, 11:16:21 PM »

I dont really need an answer for that now I sort of have a half baked foggy idea thrugh a dirty window that could work, but it's the other things I'd prefer to have focused on. The dwarves, if any one has an idea, is a bonus not much else. Like I said, any kind of help is appreciated.
« Last Edit: July 02, 2008, 09:27:52 AM by Santhos Avathcin » Logged

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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #41 on: July 04, 2008, 01:09:38 AM »

Although dwarves do not trust other 'non-dwarves' easily, it is not entirely impossible. Trust and and even friendship develop between them and the other races, but only after a very long time. Perhaps his mother had been aquainted with the dwarves for a long time that they have befriended her? Keep in mind though, that it will take months, even years for that to happen.

Have a nice day.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #42 on: July 11, 2008, 05:19:48 AM »

Thanks for the advice it helps alot but could we get back to checking over the whole thing and not just working on one idea? it would help quite a bit more. Thanks.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #43 on: July 11, 2008, 05:28:31 AM »

Thanks for the advice it helps alot but could we get back to checking over the whole thing and not just working on one idea? it would help quite a bit more. Thanks.

Santhos...please be more appreciative of any comments given to you. There are other CDs awaiting comments and the mods were simply trying to help with an aspect of your CD that was not quite clear. If you can show you fixed the dwarven issue that Zann and Rookie pointed out, then we can comment some more.  Thumb up
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #44 on: July 11, 2008, 06:09:58 AM »

I am very appreciative of any help I can get of all kinds but I'm afraid it does seem as though I'm being rude. I'll try that again.

I am most greatful for all the help I'm being given it does help quite a bit. I think I've got it fixed up quite nicely, except for the problem of why the dwarves are outcasts, yet still are willing to take Santhos in and raise him. I'm not sure what to do but it's not necessary to focus on that bit and any help is appreciated.
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Santhos Avathcin
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