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Author Topic: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith  (Read 13580 times)
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Santhos Avathcin
Guardian of the Shady Grove
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Half-Elf, Allenrhim/ Centoraurian


« on: May 05, 2008, 04:48:54 AM »

Name: Santhos Avathcin

Gender: Male

Age: 31

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.

Job: Smith

Title: Guardian of the Shady Grove

Height: Two peds tall

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: The deepest darkest Sognastheen green that has ever been placed on Ava's green world.

Appearance: His hands are very large, about the size of his head. His hands don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthened and numbed them from the constant vibrations of the hammer. The skin on his hands is very thick and rough. He has thick, dark brown hair, which is always well groomed and combed. He is rather thin, but he is strongly built, a fair bit stronger than an average man because he has to move around large pieces of metal for smithing and forging. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has a very intimidating gaze, but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan; he's not black but its dark, which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes when the furnaces become to hot for any normal person to stand. He can often be seen strolling through the streets or in his smithy whistling a happy tune as he goes about his business.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability. He also wears a belt with an assortment of knives and his giant hammer, which he wears like a sword in small loops of leather. When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic like at formal occasions of a happy nature and a plain white shirt and dark brown pants made of a coarse fabric for daily use.

Personality: Because of his father, Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures than work with them. He would like to be the silent type but at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned, he can be quite intimidating, but if he doesn't like you, you're not likely to get much more than a cold shoulder. If he decides he does like you then he'll give you a chance to get to know you and further meetings can be expected. He has a strange sense of humor and can't think of any original funny things to say, but he can tell when other people are funny (or trying to be). He also has a hard time understanding sarcasm. A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be angered though it takes a lot to do it. You could insult him to his face and he would be unlikely to respond. He was raised to dislike liars and greatly dislike injustice of any sort and if anything can annoy him it's a human thief. When nervous or thinking, he has the bad habit of biting his nails. He is not much of a people person and he has trouble relating to people because of his unusual history. He would much rather spend his time sitting in a high tree in a forest or hiking through the woods. Santhos greatly believes in the power of written word and he is very organized. He keeps a journal and fills it in at the end of every day of things that happened throughout the day. At times if he is very bored he will write down entire conversations in hopes that he will remember all these things at a later date.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously).

He fights well with daggers, axes at close range and at throwing them properly with pinpoint accuracy from up to 18 peds though he can throw farther. Which is helpful when his hammer is elsewhere.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight, which helps so that thieves and other unfriendly persons can't surprise him well if they are hiding in the shadows.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Meaning, if need be, he can start a fire, kill small game, gut and cook it, usually into some form of stew, if the necessary materials (wood, kindling, a weapon preferably a knife and water) are available.

He is a marvelous climber and can easily scramble up a tree if he's not carrying too much. He has no fear of heights and can climb to very high points on a tree with little trouble.

Santhos can read and write, a skill that his ancestors (on the elven side) prized. He keeps a daily journal of events so that when necessary he can refer back to that to remember something.

Santhos is slightly stronger than your average human. this comes from moving large pieces of metal around his Fathers' smithy. He can lift and move some larger and heavier objects then most men.

Santhos knows several languages and can understand Thergerim, Tharian and Styrash but he has great difficulty with the latter. He can speak Thergerim fluently, Tharian easily but not perfectly, and he can hardly speak Styrash.

Weaknesses:
The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. Due to a horrible accident in his youth he can't swim, though he is too proud to admit it, and he's afraid of large or fast moving bodies of water. He will not willingly go any deeper into a lake or pond than his knees.

Santhos has problems with cold. If it's very cold then his body can't function well. During the winter he is either in his smithy with the furnaces heating the place and wrapped in his cloak to keep warm. When he gets cold he becomes slow and has trouble thinking straight. If he is cold for long he will die. This affects him even before water turns to ice.

He is not a people person, meaning he has extreme trouble relating to people and has trouble understanding/getting to know people, other than his fathers, he knows very few people.

Though he has no fear of heights, he does greatly mind depths. If he was in a hole, canyon, gorge, below ground or, Ava forbid, below sea level he would be very tense and nervous and more often then not light headed.

If someone is talented enough to make him angry, that person, if they were speaking directly to him or harming someone else, is likely to get beat up as much as he can manage. People who are aware of this often tend to avoid him as his temper is something to behold.

He can be absent minded and zone out fairly often and he can easily miss important things if he's not paying attention. The people around him often need to help him stay on track.

Santhos has an even temper but when he becomes angry, he becomes extremely angry and violent. People who have seen his temper usually become quite afraid and avoid any further encounters with Santhos.

He has no talent with sarcasm and will often get confused if someone were to use it around him and he would try to find what the meant without directly asking. Also he has difficulty understanding Styrash and if someone were to speak it to him he would hardly understand if at all.

At some times Santhos can be quite gullible, though this doesn't happen often, when someone deceives him he could go on believing that person from hours to weeks even after they've been proven to be liars, other outcomes could include immediate rage against the liar.

Santhos' hands are constantly numbed from the vibrations of his hammer hitting metals in his fathers' smithy. Because of this he has great trouble manipulating small or delicate objects
without damaging them.

History: Santhos' parents met when his mother, Avath, was 38 years old and when his father was 28. Impressed by his charm and blinded by his beauty Santhos' mother married his father and ran off with him to the city of Marcogg. There she gave birth to a son and named him Santhos, after Santhros King of Santharia. Though Santhos' father was an abnormally stupid man and one time when he was quite drunk Santhos' mother was falsely accused of adultery and Santhos' father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady Grove on horse back with her son. There she died on the doorstep of a home of three Mitharim dwarves, with whom she had gone to visit often, for she had known them since childhood, when the strains of humanity became too much for her (She had been married to him for over a year at this time). For she had been rejected from her tribe for marrying a human with such a low intelligence, and many others rejected her for the same reasons. The dwarfs accepted her for they also had been lost in love and they pitied her greatly for the road she had decided to take and for the suffering that came from it. Her sporadic disappearances into the grove had added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.

When the dwarves found the baby and the dead mother they easily pieced together what happened and they knew they could not take the baby back for his father's temper was a horrible thing to behold and he would be treated even worse than a slave. So they kept him and raised him as the son that they never had, teaching him all they knew. Santhos was cursed with the temper of his father and, upon hearing this he started retreating into the woods to calm himself and learn to keep his temper in check. He would often climb a tree as a boy and just sit for hours listening to the sounds of the forest, the chirping of birds the gentle rustle of leaves and slowly, from his own research, he came to know each plant and animal and how they behaved and what they did. He learned how to fight from his fathers and practiced often on the thieves in the woods driving them away from his home.

While his fathers were smiths they also put great store in knowledge and had a great many books on many topics. Santhos used his many hours when he was not helping in the smithy in the trees reading or working on something or another including reading, writing, languages, different smithing techniques and how to hunt without hurting the animal. One thing that he never really managed to do was swim, when he first tried he swallowed too much water and started to drown he would probably be dead if his one of his fathers hadn't found him and pulled him out in time.

As he grew past them, Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for them in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. Santhos had become a good fighter and was better then all who came to his fathers to cause trouble. His fathers ran a business producing fine objects of great diversity and sold them to a variety of people including the elves, which is where they met his mother when she was young.

Before he was taught how to hunt, Santhos found a very large snake near his fathers' smithy. Upon further observation, he discovered that the snake had only just started to devour a small rat that was squirming with half its body in its mouth. Believing that all things deserve to live Santhos seized a hammer and hit the snake knocking it unconscious. He slowly pulled the rat out of the mouth of the beast and took it home where he quickly gave it an antidote for the snakes poison and nursed it back to health, feeding it small chunks of bread and milk. When he tried to release the rat he found that it would not leave him and it followed him for over a day before Santhos started to carry it in his pocket and on his shoulder.

Santhos has currently left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself and to try and find his father.

Weapons: Santhos carries a giant hammer made of steel and he is most prominent with this weapon but he also carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt which he carries in a special (abnormal not magical) elven belt that his fathers gave him.

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather, a plain white shirt and brown pants made from a coarse fabric, a dark green tunic for formal occasions, and some tools for light smithy work. Other than that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a Ximax Rat named Melody, whose glossy neat fur is black but has light brown streaks in it. She is quite small, obviously born the runt of the litter or whatever a group of baby rats are called. Santhos saved her from the jaws of a snake when he was young, and she rides in one of his pockets when there are around people but is otherwise on his shoulder. Melody is incredibly loyal to Santhos and could be considered to be in love with him. She's quite smart and capable of understanding Tharian, Styrash and she's learning Thergerim as Santhos speaks it. She's incredibly shy and concerned for others feelings. If someone were crying she would appear to try and comfort them. She is likely to be compared to a young woman in a rat's body. She cannot speak at all but Santhos can easily understand what she wants to communicate because of how long they've been together. Though Santhos found her when she was a child she shows no signs of age and seems to have been blessed with unusual long life.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2008, 11:03:26 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

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Santhos Avathcin
Simonne Miller
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« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2008, 05:23:52 AM »

I'm sorry to have to disappoint you, but we don't have any tribe with wings. You'll have to make him a bit less exotic... I'm sorry.
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Mannix
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« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2008, 08:33:50 PM »

Check Character Creation Help It gives you a layout fot the CD, make sure you use the sub-headings.  You have very little spelling or grammar mistakes, which is good! You spell Centoraurian like.. well.. that.

Mannix
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Santhos Avathcin
Guardian of the Shady Grove
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Half-Elf, Allenrhim/ Centoraurian


« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2008, 06:00:27 AM »

I hope I got every thing correct this time
I fail to see what I missed when it comes to requirements
« Last Edit: May 06, 2008, 06:05:39 AM by xmac5000 » Logged

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Santhos Avathcin
Eléyr Fásamár
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« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2008, 06:22:06 AM »

I believe what Mannix was saying was we'd like it if you formatted it like this~

Name: Santhos

Gender: Male

Age: 21...

.... and so on. So basically just put in the section titles for quick reference. You can even color them by doing [ color=red ], and deleting the spaces between the words and brackets.
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Santhos Avathcin
Guardian of the Shady Grove
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Posts: 566

Half-Elf, Allenrhim/ Centoraurian


« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2008, 09:46:27 AM »

OK that makes since. Will this work? Please tell me whats wrong with him precisely.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2008, 09:47:24 AM by xmac5000 » Logged

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Santhos Avathcin
Rookie Brownbark
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Brownie, Llaoihrr


« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2008, 03:23:11 PM »

Ok, clear concise points it is then  grin

~ Your user name needs to be your characters name - you can change this under profile options

~ Your eyes are not possible.

~ Please list your strengths and weaknesses as bullet points, with 2-3 sentences description of each telling us how they help/hinder you

~ Please tell us why he is so afraid of water (in your history)

~ He is 21 and he is an expert in one weapon, good in three, can smith and lockpick and has also learnt magic.  This is too much in too little time. 

~ Magic and weapons is not possible, or at least so close to impossible that it looks very much like impossible unless you spend months looking at it through a microscope.

~ More detail is needed in history, personality and appearance.

~ How did your mother find a dwarf home to dump the baby?  They're pretty secretive about where they live.

Ok, I appologise if some of these sound blunt, its a side effect of the being precise and nothing more.

Good Luck!

Rookie xxx
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Santhos Avathcin
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Half-Elf, Allenrhim/ Centoraurian


« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2008, 07:41:14 AM »

I don't mind the bluntness at all and in fact I thank you for it.
He's not afraid of water he's weakened and at a disadvantage with water cause he's never learned to swim. As for the eyes I want him to be unusual and different in some weird way and I'm not quite sure how to do that. Do you have any suggestions?
« Last Edit: May 08, 2008, 05:30:21 AM by Santhos » Logged

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Santhos Avathcin
Santhos Avathcin
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Half-Elf, Allenrhim/ Centoraurian


« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2008, 06:55:18 AM »

For any one who will comment on this in the future i would just like to ask that they are clear an concise on what I'm doing wrong and suggest what i should do to improve some things here and there
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2008, 01:52:33 PM »

Comments will be in yellow

I would like to submit my character.

Name: Santhos Does he have a last name? If not, there should be an explanation as to why.

Gender: Male

Age: 21 - Please check out the Elven Aging Calculator as the character have elven blood.

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Half-elven would need to have explanation as they are rare, though I have to check the rest of the cd first. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him. You would also need an explanation for this one. I shall check the rest to give a proper comment.

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast (You may want to personalized his title. What kind of an outcast? Though it is up to you

Height: Two peds tall exactly

Hair Color: Black as the darkest night

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on God's green earth

Appearance: His hands are very large and rather disproportionate to his body the slightest bit, the skin on his hands is very thick and don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthend and numbed them I don't know if tools could make your hands numb. Also, you mayy want to rephrase the sentence. He is rather thin but he is strong, a fair bit stronger than a man because of his Elven blood. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has very tan skin. He has a very intimidating gaze but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability, a belt with an assortment of knives, a bow and quiver strapped to his back. When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic. I find his clothing odd for a smith.

Personality: Because of his father Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures than work with them. He would like to be the silent type put at times is actually rather talkative I think the sentence is missing a conjunction. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating and if he doesn't like you, then there is good reason for feeling intimidated. If he decides he does like you then he'll be with you through thick and thin. He has a strange sense of humor and cant think of any original funny things but he can tell with others (most of the time). A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be upset though it takes a lot to do it. He was raised to rather dislike liarsand if any thing can annoy him its a human liar. When nervous or thinking he has the bad habit of biting his nails.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert marksman with a long bow which he always carries on his person. which is very helpful for long distance (obviously) Still, I find a smith learning how to use the bow.

He also fights well with daggers, axes and hammers at close range because of the dwarfs who raised him. which helpful when his bow is not. You have to remember that he has elven blood. Elves will learn things at a slower rate but deeper. They would rather finish one then move to another topic. His age and skill are directly proportional.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a humans eyesight. Which helps a lot with the archery and also seeing things in the shadows so people and other unfriendly persons can't sneak up on him well. People usually sneak on a person behind, so good eyesight is not gonna help him if the person sneaking up to him through the back.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or smithing or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. reasons why this helps are obvious. Even if it is obvious, you still need to state how this helps him. Everyone will benefit differently with this skill.

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. If he gets wet he becomes confused and disoriented, if water gets dumped on him he chokes and can barely stand, and if he's in water "swimming" he would sink like a rock.

Even though he has issues with water, the strengths outwieghs too much the weakness. Try balancing him with more weakness

History: Born in the city of Marcogg, Santhos' mother was (falsely) you may remove the parenthesis on "falsely" accused of adultery because Santhos looked nothing like either of his parents, so his father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady groveSentence needs rephrasing. Also, how come he doesn't look either of his parents?. There she died on the door step of a home of three dwarfs with whom she had gone to visit often when the strains of humanity became too much for herHow come she did not go to her people? Why did she choose to go the dwarves for comfort from the problems of the human world?. Her sporadic disappearances into the grove added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.The dwarfs raised him as their son teaching him all they knew. As he grew past them Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for the dwarfs in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause their deadly. Because of this he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself. This is where I hope his story may begin. You may remove the last sentence

Weapons: Santhos carries a longbow and he is most prominent with this weapon but he carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt with. Any descriptiojn of the weapons? How do they look like? Remember that elves learn in a different manner. It takes a lot of time for an elf to complete one topic.

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather, some tools for light smithy work and about 100 OdYou may remove the money as it will change during your time in an inn.. Other then that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a trained rat which is quite small that he saved from a trap when he was young and it rides in one of the pockets of his bag. This should be mentioned in his history.


General Comment: Do some spellcheck and grammar. Some sentences are run on sentences. I am sorry if this comment is not as clear and concise as you might hope but I hope this would be of help to you.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #10 on: May 09, 2008, 12:06:39 AM »

Thank you any reply is most helpful
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Santhos Avathcin
Kareesh Valendar
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« Reply #11 on: May 09, 2008, 12:46:15 AM »

Hello and welcome to Santharia. I'll do a quick Uri-check on ya. Hopefully that's enough for you. And all my comments shall be in this lovely colour.

Name: Santhos

Gender: Male

Age: 21 You do realize that Humans and Elves age differently. You can use the Elven calculator to find out exactly how old your person will be, for people with mixed heritages age differently as well.

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast This isn't a huge deal, but you probably could come up with something more creative for your title. This distinguishes you from the rest of the people of Santharia. But again, not a huge deal.

Height: Two peds tall exactly

Hair Color: Black as the darkest night

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on Gods green earth Just a simple "dark green" would work. ;)

Appearance: His hands are very large and rather disproportionate to his body the slightest bit, the skin on his hands is very thick and don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthend and numbed them. He is rather thin but he is strong, a fair bit stronger then a man because of his Elvin blood. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has very tan skin. He has a very intimidating gaze but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes.

You need to do a grammar/spellcheck on this section. Also, it's not descriptive enough. This section is where you describe your character so that a person can picture him/her in their mind. I can't do that yet.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability, a belt with an assortment of knives, a bow and quiver strapped to his back. When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic.

Same thing in the last section goes for this section as well.

Personality: Because of his father Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures then work with them. He would like to be the silent type put at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating and if he doesn't like you, then there is good reason for feeling intimidated. If he decides he does like you then he'll be with you through thick and thin. He has a strange sense of humor and cant think of any original funny things but he can tell with others (most of the time). A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be upset though it takes a lot to do it. He was raised to rather dislike liarsand if any thing can annoy him its a human liar. When nervous or thinking he has the bad habit of biting his nails.

This has a great start. Perhaps you can expound on some of the reasons why his personality is like this. But again, a great start.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert marksman with a long bow which he always carries on his person. which is very helpful for long distance (obviously)

He also fights well with daggers, axes and hammers at close range because of the dwarfs who raised him. which helpful when his bow is not.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a humans eyesight. Which helps a lot with the archery and also seeing things in the shadows so people and other unfriendly persons can't sneak up on him well.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or smithing or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. reasons why this helps are obvious.

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. If he gets wet he becomes confused and disoriented, if water gets dumped on him he chokes and can barely stand, and if he's in water "swimming" he would sink like a rock.

You are waaaaay unbalanced. You only have one weakness which I can't really see how that could possibly balance out your amazing weapon skills and all that. Also, the age factor which has been mentioned needs to be taken into thought here as well.

History: Born in the city of Marcogg, Santhos' mother was (falsely) accused of adultery because Santhos looked nothing like either of his parents, so his father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady grove. There she died on the door step of a home of three dwarfs with whom she had gone to visit often when the strains of humanity became to much for her. Her sporadic disappearances into the grove added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.The dwarfs raised him as their son teaching him all they knew. As he grew past them Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for the dwarfs in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause their deadly. Because of this he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself. This is where I hope his story may begin.

As mentioned before, Dwarves are pretty secrative about where they live, so I highly doubt that his mother could find them. Also, was Santhos really a child born out of wedlock? Even if your character doesn't know, you, as the author, do. There's more I would like to comment on but my time is running short. Oh, and it would be wise if you didn't really mention you as the author in the CD. These are all suppose to be written "in the world".

Weapons: Santhos carries a longbow and he is most prominent with this weapon but he carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt with.

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather, some tools for light smithy work and about 100 Od. Other then that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a trained rat which is quite small that he saved from a trap when he was young and it rides in one of the pockets of his bag. Why is it so small? How did he train a wild rat? What does it look like? This need to be answered in your history.

Hopefully all this things will help you get your character up off the ground and all that jazz.

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Santhos Avathcin
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Posts: 566

Half-Elf, Allenrhim/ Centoraurian


« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2008, 09:55:48 AM »

Thank you for your comments, its very helpful I hope this is better.
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Santhos Avathcin
Seh'nara Celebrindal
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #13 on: May 10, 2008, 11:53:46 PM »

Hello Santhos, and navy seems to be my colour today. :)

Name: Santhos

Gender: Male

Age: 31

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast

Height: Two peds tall exactly (Exactly? Are you sure? Remember, this is a medieval society, and therefore, measuring equipment was rather primitive.)

Hair Color: Black as the darkest night

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on Gods green earth

Appearance: His hands are very large and rather disproportionate to his body the slightest bit, the skin on his hands is very thick and don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthened and numbed them from the constant vibrations of the hammer. (This is a very long sentence that could be cut up. Also, I don't really get the first part. Perhaps you might want to rephrase it.) He is rather thin but he is strongly built, a fair bit stronger than a man because of his Elven blood. (Elves actually are physically weaker than humans because they're the "fair folk".) He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has very tan skin. He has a very intimidating gaze, but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes. (This is a repetition. Might want to cut out one.) He can often be seen strolling through the streets or in his smithy whistleing (whistling) a happy tune as he goes about his buisness. (business)

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor painted green made for maneuverability, a belt with an assortment of knives, a bow and quiver strapped to his back and a his giant hammer in a small loop of leather on his belt. (As is with your appearance section, it's something that should be cut up.) When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic like at formal occasions of a happy nature.

(What does he wear when he isn't wearing his armour? He can't be wearing it all the time. ;))


Personality: Because of his father Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures then work with them. He would like to be the silent type but at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating and if he doesn't like you, then there is good reason for feeling intimidated. (So if he's pissed off at you, he's be more likely to cut your head off? I'd like some elaboration please.) If he decides he does like you then he'll be with you through thick and thin. He has a strange sense of humor and cant think of any original funny things but he can tell with others (most of the time). (Uh, what? What does this mean? I don't get it. Huh?) A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be upset though it takes a lot to do it. He was raised to rather dislike liars and if any thing can annoy him its a human liar. When nervous or thinking he has the bad habit of biting his nails.

(Okay. There are many loopholes that I can find here, and the sentences don't flow well. For one, if he wants to be a quiet person, what's stopping him? When does he become talkative? For another, him going through everything with you just like that is rather silly. No one would just look at a person and go, "Okay, I like this person. I shall be loyal to him." People actually go through a step called "making friends".)


Strengths:
Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously)

He also fights well with daggers, axes at close range because of the dwarfs who raised him. Which helpful when is hammer is else ware. He also is a fair shot with a bow for long range. (Split this up. You have three strengths here: Blade knowledge, axe knowledge, and archery skill.)

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight. Which helps a lot with the archery and also seeing things in the shadows so people and other unfriendly persons can't sneak up on him well if they are hiding in the shadows. (Remember, though he isn't human, he's half elf. An elf would most likely have better eyesight than his. Don't use words like "amazing" like that. And may I please point out that sneaking up on someone requires the person to be *behind* the other. In that case, eyesight doesn't really apply.)

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Reasons why this helps are obvious. (Uh, no. Please elaborate to the extent of your skill.)

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. If he gets wet he becomes confused and disoriented, if water gets dumped on him he chokes and can barely stand, and if he's in water "swimming" he would sink like a rock. (Right. So you're telling me that he gets all weird if he has a bath? This... weakness really doesn't make any sense. Could you like, explain exactly when and where this kicks in?)

Santhos has problems with cold if the temperature is lower then 32 degrees then his body can't function well. During the winter he is either in his smithy with the furnaces heating the place or wrapped in his cloak to keep warm. (There isn't Fahrenheit in Santharia.)

(You really are overpowered. Please add in more weaknesses or tone down on your strengths. In addition you are also a smith, so that is counted as a strength too.)


History: Born in the city of Marcogg, Santhos' mother was falsely accused of adultery because Santhos looked nothing like either of his parents, so his father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady grove. (Too long, could be split up. Also, contradiction. If she's weak, how can she flee quick enough?) There she died on the doorstep of a home of three dwarfs. With whom she had gone to visit often, when the strains of humanity became to much for her. For she had been rejected from her tribe for marrying a human with such a horrible temper, and many others rejected her for the same reasons. The dwarfs accepted her for the also had been cast from their tribe because of their belief the mixing with the humans would be in the peoples better interest. (I don't think that dwarves would just be exiled for that reason. Many dwarves have good relations with humans.) Her sporadic disappearances into the grove had added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother. (So why doesn't she tell her husband that she went to visit the dwarves? And that really leaves the whole question of *why* a elf would marry a bad tempered person.) The dwarfs raised him as their son teaching him all they knew. As he grew past them Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for the dwarfs in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause their deadly. Because of this he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself.

(Right. So where in his history did he *specifically* learn to smith? Or wield all the weapons he claims to be able to? Remember, he isn't old enough to be able to be great in *all* of what he knows. And please paragraph. Seriously.)

Weapons: Santhos carries a longbow and a Giant hammer made of steel and he is most prominent with this weapon but he also carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt with. (Riiiight..... Where exactly does he put all his things? I mean, the bow and the hammer take up the same space, don't it?)

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, (Which is where his weapons are supposed to go.) which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather and some tools for light smithy work. Other then that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a rat named Smite, who is mainly black but has light brown streaks in its fur. He is quite small. Santhos save him from the jaws of a snake when he was young and it rides in one of the pockets of his bag when the are around people but is other wise on his shoulder. (I'd really like you to expand on this. Like, give it a small personality, and describe him more.)

I hope I have helped you. :) You have everything mostly there, just need a bit of polishing up.

Good luck!
Seh'nara
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Santhos Avathcin
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Half-Elf, Allenrhim/ Centoraurian


« Reply #14 on: June 13, 2008, 09:36:32 AM »

I haven't touched this in a while but is this okay? Please be precise. I know he is too strong so I'm trying to find a good weakness that fits him. Also could I please get a santharian equivelent to 32 degrees.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2008, 09:44:46 AM by Santhos » Logged

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Santhos Avathcin
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