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Author Topic: Santhos Avathcin-Aellenrhim/Centoraurian-Smith  (Read 14572 times)
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Eléyr Fásamár
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« Reply #45 on: July 11, 2008, 08:32:27 AM »

~whispers~ You know, if we focus on 'only one' aspect, it might mean that there's not much else wrong. So, it's not necessarily a bad thing... ;)
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #46 on: July 11, 2008, 10:05:47 AM »

-whispers back-Thanks thats all I really wanted to know.
-to everyone else- I think that they might have been framed but they do not seek revenge or at least something to that effect.

-Screams to the heavens thanking God for this brilliant idea.-
I know what to do! :D Roll Eyes grin Rolling
I'll give you a clue. 

heart heart heart heart



Now I know how but how and where will I write that?  Undecided
« Last Edit: July 18, 2008, 10:28:24 AM by Santhos Avathcin » Logged

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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #47 on: July 11, 2008, 11:32:10 PM »

Somebody's a bit smile happy! When you have your "Great Idea" I'll check it out.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #48 on: July 12, 2008, 12:33:34 AM »

GAAH somethings wrong and every time I try and modify the modification part goes back to yesterday around 12 o'clock and it wont let me change any thing. I just solved the problem too. The dwarves were rejected by the females and went out into the world and are the wandering bachelors.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #49 on: July 12, 2008, 12:35:25 AM »

Pretty good, I think. Don't know why it won't let you modify.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #50 on: July 12, 2008, 04:44:10 AM »

Ok, I changed it, how's this? I also added a strength, 2 weaknesses and slightly improved some weaknesses. Thank you so much for the help.
-Flourishes bows of gratitude to all who have helped thus far-
Any further is appreciated and to repeat earlier things please be clear.
« Last Edit: July 13, 2008, 10:11:17 AM by Santhos Avathcin » Logged

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Santhos Avathcin
Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #51 on: July 13, 2008, 10:25:10 AM »

I have no more then two requests.

1. Where could I find info on a small instrument for him to play and any suggestions as to what that could be, preferably something sounds like a flute but as simple as a harmonica.

2. Suggestions for weaknesses that he would be likely to have.

Many Thanks,
Santhos
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #52 on: July 14, 2008, 11:28:14 PM »

Hi Santhos!

1. To my knowledge, there are not very many developed musical instruments in Caelereth but you can maybe invent one similar to a flute and use it. As long as it isn't so far off from a real life instrument, I don't see why not. You could always develop one over in the Developer Boards if you want also.

This discussion lists some possible instrument ideas.

I'll comment on the rest in Orange:

Name: Santhos Avathcin

Gender: Male

Age: 31 (You will need to consult the elven age calculator for a more specific age description.)

Tribe/Race: His mother was an Aellenrhim elf and his father was a Centoraurian man. Outcast dwarfs from the Mitharim clan raised him.

Job: Smith

Title: Outcast of the Shady Grove

Height: Two peds tall

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: The deepest darkest green that has ever been placed on Ava's green world.

(Maybe you could describe your colors in Santharian terms? Would be more authentic)

Appearance: His hands are very large, about the size of his head. His hands don't have much feeling in them because the smith tools have strengthened and numbed them from the constant vibrations of the hammer. The skin on his hands is very thick and rough. He has thick, dark brown hair, which is always well groomed and combed. He is rather thin, but he is strongly built, a fair bit stronger than an average man because he has to move around large pieces of metal for smithing and forging. He has a thin scar just beneath his left eye. He has a very intimidating gaze, but this is easily redeemed by his bright smile. If he's not smiling then he strikes a very intimidating figure. Santhos has a very dark tan; he's not black but its dark, which comes from working in the sun pounding out metals into their shapes when the furnaces become to hot for any normal person to stand. He can often be seen strolling through the streets or in his smithy whistling a happy tune as he goes about his business.

Clothing: He wears very light leather armor made for maneuverability. He also wears a belt with an assortment of knives and his giant hammer which he wears like a sword in small loops of leather on it. When the occasion arises he is likely to be seen wearing a dark green tunic like at formal occasions of a happy nature and a plain white shirt and dark brown pants made of a coarse fabric for daily use.

Personality: Because of his father, Santhos is rather disinclined towards humans and would rather mock them with other creatures than work with them. He would like to be the silent type but at times is actually rather talkative. As previously mentioned he can be quite intimidating, but if he doesn't like you, you're not likely to get much more than a cold shoulder. If he decides he does like you then he'll give you a chance to get to know you and further meetings can be expected. He has a strange sense of humor and can't think of any original funny things to say, but he can tell when other people are funny (or trying to be), he also has a hard time understanding sarcasm. A good joke, mug of ale, or riddle will make him rather contented, but he can also be angered though it takes a lot to do it. You could insult him to his face and he would be unlikely to respond. He was raised to dislike liars and greatly dislike injustice of any sort and if anything can annoy him it's a human thief. When nervous or thinking, he has the bad habit of biting his nails. He is not much of a people person and he has trouble relating to people because of his unusual history. He would much rather spend his time sitting in a high tree in a forest or hiking through the woods. Santhos greatly believes in the power of written word and he is very organized. He keeps a journal and fills it in at the end of every day of things that happened throughout the day. At times if he is very bored he will write down entire conversations in hopes that he will remember all these things at a later date.

Strengths:
Santhos is an expert when fighting with a giant war hammer, which is very powerful and rather deadly at close range (obviously).

He fights well with daggers, axes at close range and at throwing them properly because of the dwarfs who raised him. Which is helpful when his hammer is elsewhere.

Santhos has amazing vision, far better then a human’s eyesight, which helps so that thieves and other unfriendly persons can't surprise him well if they are hiding in the shadows.

Ambidextrous. He can use both hands for fighting or in his smithy or whatever he needs to do without any problems.

He can survive very well in a wooded area. Meaning, if need be, he can start a fire, kill small game, gut and cook it, usually into some form of stew, if the necessary materials (wood, kindling, a weapon preferably a knife and water) are available.

He is a marvelous climber and can easily scramble up a tree if he's not carrying too much. He has no fear of heights and can climb to very high points on a tree with little trouble.

Santhos can read and write, a skill that his ancestors (on the elven side) prized. He keeps a daily journal of events so that when necessary he can refer back to that to remember something.

Santhos is slightly stronger than your average human. this comes from moving large pieces of metal around his Fathers' smithy. He can lift and move some larger and heavier objects then most men.

Santhos is trilingual and can understand Thergerim, Tharian and Styrash but he has great difficulty with the latter. (Trilingual wouldn't be the Santharian term here...he can understand multiple languages, but can he speak them too?)

Weaknesses: The greatest weakness of Santhos is water. Due to a horrible accident in his youth he can't swim, though he is too proud to admit it, and he's afraid of large or fast moving bodies of water. He will not willingly go any deeper into a lake or pond than his knees.

Santhos has problems with cold. If it's very cold then his body can't function well. During the winter he is either in his smithy with the furnaces heating the place and wrapped in his cloak to keep warm. If he gets too cold he becomes slow and has trouble thinking straight. If he is too cold for too long he will die. (I think this applies to most people about the cold. Most peasants would react the same way if they were too cold so this wouldn't be considered a terribly hindering weakness unless you lived in the far north.)

He is not a people person, and, other than his fathers, he knows very few people. (I would describe a bit what makes you not much of a people person. How do you treat people differently?)

Though he has no fear of heights, he does greatly mind depths. If he was in a hole, canyon, gorge, below ground or, Ava forbid, below sea level he would be very tense and nervous and more often then not light headed. (Again, unless you are frequently in a hole or canyon, how does this weakness hinder you in your daily life?)

Being friends with him can be dangerous as he accidentally hurts the people around him in minor ways, because of this people avoid him and he has very few friends. (How do you hurt people? Why?)

If someone is talented enough to make him angry, that person, if the were speaking directly to him or harming someone else, is likely to get hurt, scared or worse. (This applies to most people. You make someone angry, you can expect a reaction from that person, obviously.)

He can be scatter brained and zone out at times and he can easily miss important things if he's not paying attention. The people around him sometimes need to help him stay on track. (Scatter brained is not a Santharian term...perhaps you can say he loses focus during certain situations? When he doesn't get enough sleep? Or food? Or when he is around crowds? Have something trigger the focus issues.)

He has no talent with sarcasm and will often get confused if someone were to use it around him and he would try to find what the meant without directly asking. (Again, not a weakness really. Perhaps you have difficulty understanding a certain language like Tharian? That would make if difficult for you to function in a world where Tharian is mostly spoken.)

At some times Santhos can be quite gullible, though this doesn't happen often, when someone deceives him he could go on believing that person from hours to weeks even after they've been proven to be liars, other outcomes could include immediate rage against the liar.

Santhos' hands are constantly numbed from the vibrations of his hammer hitting metals in his fathers' smithy. Because of this he has great trouble manipulating small or delicate objects without damaging them.

History: Santhos' parents met when his mother, Avath, was 38 years old and when his father was 28. Impressed by his charm and blinded by his beauty Santhos' mother married his father and ran off with him to the city of Marcogg. There she gave birth to a son and named him Santhos, after Santhros King of Santharia. Though Santhos' father was an abnormally stupid man and one time when he was quite drunk Santhos' mother was falsely accused of adultery and Santhos' father tried to kill her, but, still weak from child birth, she fled into the Shady Grove on horse back with her son. There she died on the doorstep of a home of three dwarves, with whom she had gone to visit often, for she had known them since childhood, when the strains of humanity became too much for her (She had been married to him for over a year at this time). For she had been rejected from her tribe for marrying a human with such a low intelligence, and many others rejected her for the same reasons. The dwarfs accepted her for they also had been lost in love and they pitied her for the road she had decided to take. Her sporadic disappearances into the grove had added to the likely hood of the lies against his mother.

(An interesting history so far! I like how the relationship developed and degraded over time. It describes the all too often racism involved in a multi-racial relationship.  Thumb up)

The dwarves raised him as their son teaching him all they knew, greatly involving smith work for that is what they were, and also how to defend himself with weapons. As he grew past them, Santhos became somewhat of a guardian for them in their old age (late two hundreds) when they were more vulnerable to attack from the thieves. They raised him with a free hand letting him learn some things for his own self, like how to swim and after a very close incident in which he almost drowned he quit trying, and teaching other more dangerous lessons like don't eat certain plants cause they're deadly. Because of this, he's a rather accomplished woodsman. He has left his fathers in order to try and make a name for himself.

(Which tribe of dwarves were you raised by? And why wouldn't the dwarves take you back to the human city for care? I don't really a good reason for the dwarves to care for let alone raise a half-elf child unless the mother was very special to the dwarves in some way and owed her a favor. That needs explained a bit more I think.)

Before he was taught how to hunt, Santhos found a very large snake near his fathers' smithy. Upon further observation, he discovered that the snake had only just started to devour a small rat that was squirming with half its body in its mouth. Believing that all things deserve to live Santhos seized a hammer and hit the snake knocking it unconscious. He slowly pulled the rat out of the mouth of the beast and took it home where he quickly gave it an antidote for the snakes poison and nursed it back to health, feeding it small chunks of bread and milk. When he tried to release the rat he found that it would not leave him and it followed him for over a day before Santhos started to carry it in his pocket and on his shoulder.

(I'd like to know a bit more about how you learned to use the hammer and knives. How did you learn wilderness survival? What about your history gave you the personality you have? I feel that much more needs explaining about these issues. You can list all of the strengths and weaknesses you want, but I like to see in your history how you came about those strengths and weaknesses.)

Weapons: Santhos carries a giant hammer made of steel and he is most prominent with this weapon but he also carries an assortment of daggers and a small axe he can fight and hunt which he carries in a special (abnormal not magical) elven belt that his fathers gave him.

Belongings: He has a small pack which he carries on his back, which contains some spices for food, some herbs for wounds, a dark cloak to shield from rain and other untimely weather, a plain white shirt and brown pants made from a coarse fabric, a dark green tunic for formal occasions, and some tools for light smithy work. Other than that it's just clothes on his back.

Familiars: He has a Ximax Rat named Melody, whose glossy neat fur is black but has light brown streaks in it. She is quite small, obviously born the runt of the litter or whatever a group of baby rats are called. Santhos saved her from the jaws of a snake when he was young, and she rides in one of his pockets when there are around people but is otherwise on his shoulder. Melody is incredibly loyal to Santhos and could be considered to be in love with him. She's quite smart and capable of understanding Tharian, Styrash and she is learning Thergerim from Santhos. She's incredibly shy and concerned for others feelings. If someone were crying she would try and comfort them. She is likely to compared to a young woman in a rat's body. She cannot speak at all but Santhos can easily understand what she wants to communicate because of how long they've been together. Though Santhos found her when she was a child she shows no signs of age and seems to have been blessed with unusual long life.

(Overall, a good start here, Santhos, but I feel this needs some more detail on your strengths and weaknesses. There is alot there to explain. See to that and I can give more comments.  ;))
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Eléyr Fásamár
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« Reply #53 on: July 15, 2008, 05:35:19 AM »

I changed this to the pencil icon while you are making edits. Feel free to change it back to the exclamation mark when you are ready for comments.
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« Reply #54 on: July 17, 2008, 06:33:39 AM »

Wow there hasn't been an edit like this for a long time or at all for this CD. Thank you for making me explain that I like that much better I hope you do too. There's one thing I would like to request and that is for there to be no more comments saying that I should look at the ageing calender thing I have and I don't blame you for making sure or anything I'm just confirming that I have. Again thank you so much for the help it's greatly appreciated.
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #55 on: July 17, 2008, 08:25:40 AM »

Glad you approve, Santhos. We've got some new moderators around here so you can expect some good comments and quicker approvals now.  :D
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Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #56 on: July 18, 2008, 02:16:59 AM »

Fantastic I'm looking forward to it.
I'm having problems with my computer and it won't let me login to role playing all the time, so I decided that until the problem is fixed, I'll stay logged in. So I might not be here even if it says I am. It's just getting ridiculous and I can't take it any more so I'm just gonna do this.

Thank you for all your help,
Santhos Avathcin
« Last Edit: July 18, 2008, 10:17:52 AM by Santhos Avathcin » Logged

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Santhos Avathcin
Belyan Cuivizanel
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« Reply #57 on: July 19, 2008, 10:30:13 PM »

Hello Santhos,
I think that your CD looks really good so far and I don't see major problems. However, there were three minor things you might have to change or amend:

First, write how far he can throw daggers. Usually, very well trained throwers have a range of between 20 to 25 peds.

Secondly: Your rat. I think Eléyr already said that Ximax Rats are indeed more intelligent than any other rat. But, according to the description, I don't think that the rat can distinct different languages, if you know what I mean. Just say that Santhos taught her commands in different languages so that others would not understand what he wants the rat to do.  It would be very impressive if the rat would even understand simple commands but giving her psychological abilities is a bit too much.

Thirdly, you should think of a reason why he travels around. After all, this is an RPG and you surely want to have some fun in different stories. Maybe his fathers died at some point and he didn't see a reason why to stay in the Shady Grove?

I think you've solved the rest quite well and I'm looking forward to RPG with you soon!
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Belyan Cuivizanel
Santhos Avathcin
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« Reply #58 on: July 20, 2008, 08:34:55 AM »

As for the first point duly noted, the last your quite right but for the second I don't know. I don't get what you mean if your saying that she's a trained rat and not a intelligent one I object and I suggest you research Ximax Rats more thoroughly but if that is not your point then please explain.
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Santhos Avathcin
Eléyr Fásamár
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« Reply #59 on: July 20, 2008, 09:04:49 AM »

1. I believe she's saying that the rat is aware of what the words mean, but thinks of them as synonyms of each other, rather than actually 'knowing' that it is a different language. This makes sense, as the entry states it knows all everyday words in our languages, but doesn't necessarily know that they are a different language, and is intelligent but not sentient. ~shrugs~

2. Basically here's what could be done with that section. When you say she tries to comfort sad people, perhaps say it 'appears' she is comforting sad people, by exhibiting friendly signs. Or something to that effect. This would remedy the situation, to Belyan's (and my) liking. IMHO

3.
Quote
If someone is talented enough to make him angry, that person, if the<--they were speaking directly to him or harming someone else, is likely to get beat up as much as he can manage. This weakness doesn't really count, unless you add a sentence stating that people are aware of his tendency to hurt people and can avoid him as a result.

4.
Quote
Santhos' hands are constantly numbed from the vibrations of his hammer hitting metals in his fathers' smithy. Because of this he has great trouble manipulating small or delicate objects Delete the extra spacing here.
without damaging them.

5. I might recommend coloring your section titles, as it simply makes things easier to find. The code is [ color=XXX ] but delete the spaces between the brackets and the words. Most colors can be inserted in the 'XXX' section, but avoid darker colors as they can be hard to read.

Other than those small things, I can't really find anything wrong with it. This seems well written, and has really come together. Fix these up and I'll see if you're ready for an approval. :)

~Sincerely~
Eléyr Fásamár
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