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Author Topic: Cev Xendru ~ Korweynite ~ Servant For Hire  (Read 5652 times)
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Cev
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« Reply #15 on: August 12, 2008, 11:37:34 AM »

Thanks Azhira!

Just a few things;

Cev can only ride the best behaved of horses, and even then she cannot travel very far. It's not worth it's own strength.

It says she can only read a little bit of necessary words. This is okay as is.

I've fleshed out the changes in the sowing/farming/mining line so that those no longer overbalance the strength.


The point of this strength that you are trying to split up is to underscore the impact that going rouge has caused to Cev's future. It is not meant to make Cev some master mason horse taming scholar. She is not good in any of these areas, but all together, they are worth a mention. This is what I am trying to describe, not that I am trying to cram in multiple strengths into one area. I probably should have explained that a bit better, sorry!
« Last Edit: August 12, 2008, 11:39:29 AM by Cev » Logged

Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #16 on: August 15, 2008, 03:39:06 AM »

You're still going to want to split those up somehow, Cev. Multiple talents should be listed individually, even if you are not quite expert at them. You can explain those bits in the history only if they are not worth a mention alone. But making a single strength as several "small" strengths is discouraged.

List each talent as its own point, but you can stress that you are very limited in that strength, but it does come in handy if needed.  Thumb up
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Cev
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« Reply #17 on: August 17, 2008, 08:20:44 AM »

Okay, whatever I'll just do it that way then. It really doesn't matter, I just think they are so rediculously trivial in my opinion that in making them individual strengths it's making them a bigger deal than they are and shifting the attention of the reader away from what is actually important in that section.

But it doesn't change any of the content whatsoever, except one thing so as far as I am concerned I can do it your way. However, in making them separate points, I do NOT want to list each instance that these have occured in the history section. If they are so abstract that they could be removed anyway (which may not be a bad idea, come to think of it), then they clearly are too abstract to be bothered with that.

Okay, I suppose that's all I got.
I changed those strengths entirely, so now there are 5 strengths, though they are rather small on the scale, and then 3 weaknesses, with the last one being more than enough to balance the scale out.

Okay, I guess I'm ready for another review or something.

:D
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Elyr Fsamr
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« Reply #18 on: August 19, 2008, 10:19:36 AM »

Heya Cev! I just wanted to point out to you that Azhira also asked for you to at least mention briefly how you acquired these skills in your history section, just for continuity's sake.

Also, I think that her companion, Wa'ru should be listed as a strength, as he benefits her with his companionship, so you should probably give him a shout-out in the Strengths section as well.

In addition, the mods aren't quite sure you're balanced yet, as CD's with two characters in one have to be weighed as balanced together. Wa'ru's naivety is pretty much balanced out by Cev's lack thereof, so maybe you could add one more teensy weakness into Wa'ru's section, just to make sure it's balanced. ;)

Other than these S&W's things (which seems to be what most new writers have problems with, so you're not alone) I think you're almost there, hun.

~Cordially~
Elyr Fsamr

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Those who say only Insanity can bring true relaxation...
Have clearly never hired a Mindsmoother!

Elyr's CD ~~ Character Creation ~~ Restrictions ~~ CD Etiquette
Cev
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« Reply #19 on: August 23, 2008, 02:05:31 PM »

Awesome! Thank you both for everything.

All has been fixed and integrated up to this point.
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #20 on: August 29, 2008, 01:30:05 AM »

I think I'm satisfied now. A CD with a familiar is tough to balance, especially one with a human familiar/companion. I think the kinks have been worked out now. I see no issues with you in a story.

Nod First Approval Nod
« Last Edit: August 29, 2008, 01:30:34 AM by Azhira » Logged

"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Elyr Fsamr
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« Reply #21 on: August 29, 2008, 05:41:24 AM »

I agree, after reading it over again. This looks great to me as well, Cev. heart

~Second Approval~
« Last Edit: August 29, 2008, 07:31:08 AM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

Those who say only Insanity can bring true relaxation...
Have clearly never hired a Mindsmoother!

Elyr's CD ~~ Character Creation ~~ Restrictions ~~ CD Etiquette
Twn Arerwn
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« Reply #22 on: August 29, 2008, 07:33:40 AM »

~Titled~ "Please remove all the coloring and I shall archive this for you."
~Sincerely~
Co f cr'tuuln:Twen Araerwen
« Last Edit: August 29, 2008, 07:33:56 AM by Twn Arerwn » Logged

The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon,
ancient and full of death.
Cev
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« Reply #23 on: August 30, 2008, 10:40:45 AM »

Oh my gosh, thank you guys so much! It really is tough reading through CDs so many times, and I'm glad you all took the time. It really paid off and I can see that Cev and Wa'ru look absolutely wonderful because of it!

Well I hope to see all of you in the game and around...



...and I got the coloring, so it's officially ready for archiving.  grin

Thanks again!
« Last Edit: August 30, 2008, 10:41:25 AM by Cev » Logged

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