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Author Topic: Ancianá Silarná'yráná/Jhehellrhim Elf/Rogue or Wanderer  (Read 9465 times)
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Ancianá Silarná'yráná
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Elf, Jhehellrhim


« Reply #30 on: July 23, 2008, 09:25:58 AM »

Sounds good; thank you for your time and input!
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Ancianá Silarná'yráná
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Elf, Jhehellrhim


« Reply #31 on: July 25, 2008, 12:18:44 AM »

I think I'm done! Read "Done"- how sweet that word is! Well, I'm done for now...
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #32 on: July 25, 2008, 02:53:51 AM »

You're about there, Anciana. A couple of things:

1. Without a left eye, I don't think you'd be as good with the bow as you say. You may need to tone down the hit range a bit due to your vision issues.

2. Bow and dagger skills counts as two separate strengths.

3. Your steed counts as a strength since a horse gives you an advantage in your life (traveling) and in battle.

4. I'd like to see another weakness or maybe two since your strengths now make you a bit unbalanced.

Other than that, I like what I see!  ;)
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Ancianá Silarná'yráná
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Elf, Jhehellrhim


« Reply #33 on: July 25, 2008, 03:54:35 AM »

I'm on the case, Azhira. computer
« Last Edit: July 25, 2008, 03:56:49 AM by Ancianá Silarná'yráná » Logged

Ancianá Silarná'yráná
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Elf, Jhehellrhim


« Reply #34 on: July 25, 2008, 04:09:56 AM »

Mission accomplished. *Pries fingers out of fatal keyboard position.*

Just one question for Azhira: I have a portrait that I'd like to put in my CD. It's different than my profile portrait, but they both reflect Anciana... Is this okay? Can I still put it in here, or does it have to be the same as my profile portrait?
« Last Edit: July 25, 2008, 04:18:50 AM by Ancianá Silarná'yráná » Logged

Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #35 on: July 25, 2008, 04:27:34 AM »

No, it does not have to be the same portrait, Anciana. Feel free to use it!  :)
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Ancianá Silarná'yráná
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Elf, Jhehellrhim


« Reply #36 on: July 25, 2008, 04:27:57 AM »

Huzzah! Thank you, Azhira!
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Mannix
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« Reply #37 on: July 25, 2008, 05:38:36 PM »

Ancianá, I can't see your eye and hair colour sections.  Perhaps you deleted them by mistake. ;)

Mannix
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Eléyr Fásamár
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« Reply #38 on: July 26, 2008, 12:15:17 AM »

Hey Anciana, can you add the tribe into your topic name at the top? We're 'technically' not supposed to comment until all the rules at the top of the forum are complete. :)
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Ancianá Silarná'yráná
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Elf, Jhehellrhim


« Reply #39 on: July 26, 2008, 10:52:08 AM »

Mannix: Thanks for pointing that out; I must have missed that. I will add the missing sections to my CD...

Eleyr: Yessir! Salutes.  ;)

Done!
« Last Edit: July 26, 2008, 11:48:40 AM by Ancianá Silarná'yráná » Logged

Belyan Cuivizanel
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« Reply #40 on: July 26, 2008, 10:40:50 PM »

Hey Ancianá. I don't think I can help you a lot anymore since now only mods and admins can advise you. However, as I read your fantastic CD I've noticed a couple of minor things. Comments in red.

Name
Ancianá Silarná'yráná (means "Silence Moon-Rose" in Styrásh)

Gender
Female

Age
about 367 in elven years (but who's counting?); looks to be about 32 human years

Race
Jhehellrhim ("Rebel Elves")

Occupation
Finds whatever work she can; often hunts or acts as a rogue.

Title
Pensive drifter

Appearance
Height- 1 ped, 1 fore, 2 palmspans

Weight- About 1 pygge, 1 hafeb, and 4 ods.

Hair color- Rich red-brown

Eye color- Dark, shadowy green

Physical appearance- Ancianá's skin, like most of her tribe, is reddish-brown, as well as other features of her body, has a goldish undertone and, despite her diminishing youth, has yet to become wrinkled with age. Ancianá has a stocky, sturdily-set physique, with muscle aplenty (though she conserves her strength for when she truly needs it.) Her bust is modest, which is advantageous in battle. In most things her body is a typical Jhehellrhim physique. There is one thing, however, that sets her apart from others: her left eye, gouged out after being ruined. The nasty hole is hidden by a brown patch.

Strands of red-brown hair, more red than brown and with an undertone of gold, frame an oval face. The rest of the hair, a little longer than shoulder length, is pulled back into a neat, rather short braid and tied with a leather cord at the end. Beneath an average forehead gleams a narrow eye, the same hue of green as a shadowy forest. The left eye (or lack of one) is hidden by a brown eye patch. The pupil, while black as is normal, is rimmed with traces of dark gold. As her temper starts to fray, the elf maiden's wide nostrils flare below a broad, gently sloping nose. The corners of the mouth below it, a darker shade of red-brown, turn down, frowning in thought. Soon, though, her mood is more lighthearted- she is grooming her horse, Avásh. Her fingers, sure, quick, precise, extend from her small hands. Her nails, which seem light brown because of the skin underneath them, are uncut and slightly ragged. Despite this mildly unappealing characteristic, the elf maiden is generally pleasant to behold.

Clothing
Like her Jhehellrhim tribe, Ancianá dresses in forest green and tan- colors suited to blend in with the forest. She often wears cloth armor. Ancianá gets what quality she can with the meager pay she collects. She owns but one piece of jewelry, if you can call it that: a leather belt studded with jade. It's a rare occasion that she wears it, but it's said that when she does, she looks like the daughter of Avá.

Personality
Ancianá is a person who is usually quiet and pensive, (and sometimes a bit shy as well) reflecting on everything. In conversations she often listens more than she speaks, but given the chance she will warm up to people. Ancianá is not very imaginative and has a mild tendency for impatience. She has a rather nervous habit of fingering the hilt of her dagger with her free hand. Ancianá is not a very religious person- it's very rare that she prays to a god. It is a very special person that she will permit herself to be friends with. Ancianá is most happy when alone with a steaming mug of cider or with her horse Avásh. When in a good mood she often shows her dry humor and involves herself in friendly conversations.

Strengths
Dagger - Ancianá cannot throw her dagger. Despite her short training, she has developed a few tricks up her sleeve and is a relatively formidable opponent in hand-to-hand combat. This weapon of choice is her preference, because the loss of her left eye prevents her from being first-rate with the bow.

Elven Bow- She is able to hit a still target at about 10 peds; a moving one, at about 6. -Hope this is realistic. (Since that is not very far, I think it is - even with one eye...I can't see, however, why she should use a bow when an opponent is so close....My should, IMHO, remove this strengths and let her throw a dagger at the same distances...this sounds more realistic)
   
Swiftness- Ancianá possesses speed and litheness that belies her stocky stance, often catching others off-guard. This can also help her when hunting or climbing.

Steed- When riding her horse Avásh, Ancianá is fast, faster than on foot (Obviously... grin). She often rides him when hunting large game.

Weaknesses/Flaws
Spirits- Ancianá cannot stop downing pretty much any alcoholic beverage after a couple of drinks. This, of course, is a very bad weakness for a rogue to have, as it loosens her tongue and makes her mind and memories fuzzy, in addition to a bad... em... let's say a bad experience when she wakes up. As a result, she tries to stick to cider, but that doesn't really improve her "tough" image with some people. Enough said. (I love this weakness...it's fun to play)

No left eye- The loss of her left eye does not permit Ancianá to see on her left side, which obviously will account for scars on the left side of her body. As a result Ancianá does not like it when anyone -be it friend or foe- comes up on her left side, and is very protective of it, as she views it as her weaker side.

Quietness- Ancianá is slow to speak, especially with people she doesn't know well. She does not often stand up for herself or other people, which sometimes makes her seem cowardly or disloyal.

History
Ancianá lived in the Istarin forest, until the community she lived in was destroying in a forest fire during her late youth. It had spread from roughly the center of the forest to the western, where the small settlement she lived in existed. Ancianá's parents and two brothers attempted to put out the fire with the other grown elves, while she and her sister were told to flee the forest. In the confusion they were separated. As her sense was as twisted and as befuddled as she was, nightfall found Ancianá somewhere at the northwest edge of the Istarin forest. After a long fit of well-deserved crying, Ancianá (who was terrified, confused, exhausted, and dazed, among a blend of emotions) subsided into sleep. After a short period of shock and grief, (about a week, to say the least) she came to her senses. After foraging for food and getting a bearing on her position in the forest, she found her way to the blackened settlement.

Upon reaching the place, Ancianá discovered most of the buildings in cinders. She found no other former inhabitants- if there were any survivors, they had moved on by then. Ancianá salvaged what she could from her the wreckage of her home- namely her father's bow. She then embarked on a search for her family, first looking in the other areas of the Istarin forest. Having no success, she moved on- though not without some tears.

Up until the forest fire, Ancianá pretty much lived a normal Jhehellrhim elf life. (She was taught by her father to use the bow and to hunt.) Her personality, however, changed a bit after the fire. A quiet girl already, the death of her family and community gave her a slightly darker, sadder outlook on things, as well as a dry sense of humor where a louder one had existed. (Nice)

After her home and family were destroyed, rather than remain in the ruins of the settlement, like so many other waifs Ancianá decided to strike out and make a living outside of the Istarin forest, taking her father's bow, quiver, and arrows. Thus she came upon the town of Cavthan, partly in the scant hopes that her family might have traveled there. Soon after her arrival a group of cruel and drunken men, seeking fun, decided to pursue Ancianá. Young, naive, confused, and terrified, Ancianá attempted to flee. Abruptly the men's moods changed to anger, a result of their intoxication, and they began stoning her. One stone hit her eye, thereupon ruining its function (Ancianá later fashioned a brown patch of sorts to hide it), whereupon she took to alleyways until she was out of Cavthan, then traveling to an undamaged part of the Istarin forest to recover in peace.

After this Ancianá thought it beneficial to learn to use another weapon- a blade, to be specific. In her travels she was able to purchase an ordinary dagger with the money she was paid for hunting. She also paid the seller to teach her rudimentary close-range fighting with her dagger (and maybe throwing them?). Gradually she progressed to equal the ability of her "teacher" (whereupon she, naturally, stopped having him teach her), then moving on in her wandering.

In another town Ancianá was forced to take shelter in a stable that night, having no money to pay for lodging in a tavern or inn. Sometime during the evening a young, brash woman entered the humble establishment with her stubborn horse, (who was, obviously to Ancianá, resisting because his mistress treated him so cruelly) thrashing him with a branch. He was a beautiful stallion- a base of light grey, sprinkled with a dose of darker grey on his withers and upper back, more heavily spotted in the hindquarters and back legs. Observing this cruel scene from her hiding place in the loft, Ancianá (who was instilled with a love of animals from her life in the forest) could not quell the indignant feeling that rose up inside her. Finally the woman left and Ancianá (who, again, had a painfully noticeable lack of money) felt the need to steal the horse. That she did, that night, and promptly took flight from the town with her stolen boon.

Ancianá drifts between towns, cities, nations, and seeking work, but never returning to the town where she lost her eye and the forest where she lost her former life. As she's had no success in her search for her family, she has lost all but a sliver of hope and despite herself keeps an eager eye out for them- that part of her will never stop hoping.

Weapons
-Dagger
-Elven bow, quiver, and arrows

Note: Ancianá always keeps all of her weapons in easy reach, blade in a belt and scabbard at her hips, bow over her shoulder, quiver slung over her back.

Belongings
-Leather belt studded with jade
-Flask
-Rope
-Knapsack
-Leather armor (which she mostly keeps in a cloth bag)

Familiar
Avásh (name means "wind, air" in Styrásh)
Avásh is Ancianá's steed, half Rusik and half Centoraurian. He is a male dappled grey- a base of light grey with dark grey blotched over it, mostly heavily dappled on his hindquarters and back legs, more lightly on his front legs- like a light drizzle. Also on his hindquarters are scars- marks from a past owner who beat him.

Avásh can be willful at times, but in general he is an amiable animal, willing to do whatever Ancianá asks. He is the one that his mistress trusts the most; they share a very close relationship. He loves her because she saved him from a cruel mistress. Because Ancianá has no one else to care for, she spoils Avásh when she can afford to- he is her family now.

If you decided to remove your bow, you would have to adjust that in her history section....Instead, give her a couple of daggers so she can throw them. I don't know if you will remove it, though, but I really see no reason why she would keep a bow which would be quite useless and even unfavourable on such a close distance. Maybe she sold the expensive bow to buy herself some good daggers?

Well, well. I'm not even close to be a mod, but I don't really see any reason not to get approved soon. Good work!
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Belyan Cuivizanel
Ancianá Silarná'yráná
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Elf, Jhehellrhim


« Reply #41 on: July 27, 2008, 09:15:06 AM »

Hey, Belyan! Thanks for the comments. About the bow- she uses it for hunting. I think I mentioned that she uses the dagger more often, didn't I? (Don't remember. I'll have to look... grin) In my opinion, a throwing dagger would be rather unwieldy for hunting. I'd rather stick with the traditional hunting weapon, just to be on the safe side. grin Thanks again; I'll be sure to correct the errors you so kindly pointed out!

EDIT: Done!
« Last Edit: July 27, 2008, 09:21:25 AM by Ancianá Silarná'yráná » Logged

Belyan Cuivizanel
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« Reply #42 on: July 27, 2008, 09:59:12 PM »

Hey Ancianá, yeah I guess the bow is fine. I overread that she just uses it for hunting. But then, you should maybe add another strength: Stealth. I guess it is quite difficult to approach a shy forest animal at ten peds. In this case, however, you would need to add another weakness to outbalance her - maybe her missing eye gives her headaches every once in a while?

And could you please colour your changes so that the mods can see that you've applied them? And you should absolutely put the exclamation mark back! There really is not much to change. I really like Ancianá!
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Belyan Cuivizanel
Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #43 on: July 28, 2008, 09:08:18 PM »

This looks good, Anciana! The personality is a bit short for my liking...but it will do. Not everyone has to have a super long CD (like us mods do, hehe... ;)) I have no more quibbles. And you show a willingness to integrate comments and to do your research. So I don't see that you'd have any difficulty in a story at all.

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« Reply #44 on: July 28, 2008, 09:15:54 PM »

YAY ANCIANA!
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