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- THE CD FORUM POSTICON SYSTEM -

Below is a summary on the posticons used for the character description approval process. The posticon of the first post should always be edited according to the current state of completion of the character description (either by the player, a Moderator or an Administrator).
1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD.  4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
 2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD.  5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
 3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title.  6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.
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Author Topic: Fáiorríl / Mélad'rhím  (Read 5154 times)
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Rookie Brownbark
Skydiver
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Posts: 1686


Brownie, Llaoihrr


« Reply #15 on: August 10, 2008, 04:31:50 PM »

Hello Falorril and welcome to Santharia!

Great work on the CD - I can see you've done your reading and really tried (and succeeded) on making the personality of a grey elf.  However, I did spot two things which are holding you back from approval, one tiny one and one rather large.

- You use the word "poncho".  This just seems a very non-medieval word, specific to our world.  Would you mind changing it to simply describe the garment instead?

- You say that your father was half Remusian, and it would be great to see some explanation as to how this happened.  Human-Elf relationships are not easy, at all common, or particularly natural.  Imagine falling for someone you knew was going to outlive you by several hundred years and who had a completely different outlook on life, worshipped different gods etc etc.  Give us a good paragraph or so to explain it, and we'll be happy ;).

Hope that helps, and I suspect I'll be checking back soon with an approval,

Rookie xxx
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Fáiorríl
Fallen Grey
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Posts: 192


Mélad'rhim


Homepage
« Reply #16 on: August 15, 2008, 03:22:00 AM »

Alright.. i've looked her over a bit more, done corrections, made a picture (which will be redone, i'm sure)
Something still feels like it's missing..

and thank you for your comments, Rookie  grin I felt very encouraged after reading them.
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Fáiorríl (Currently under reconstruction)
Join me for some tea. Viewer Discretion is Vaguely Advised.
Rookie Brownbark
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Brownie, Llaoihrr


« Reply #17 on: August 15, 2008, 03:31:25 AM »

I try :P

Erm, why did the Remusian wander down from the Icelands?  Surely he would know better?

Translation from Rookie-Speak:  Nearly, nearly there, just explain that a little more......
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Fáiorríl
Fallen Grey
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Posts: 192


Mélad'rhim


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« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2008, 12:36:28 PM »

okie, Mr. Remusian Wanderer now has clarified reason for leaving.
*fingers crossed*

any other nit-picking corrections and touch-ups to be made?
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Fáiorríl (Currently under reconstruction)
Join me for some tea. Viewer Discretion is Vaguely Advised.
Rookie Brownbark
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Posts: 1686


Brownie, Llaoihrr


« Reply #19 on: August 16, 2008, 05:45:14 PM »

Hehe, no I am completely done with nitpicking!

*brings out big yellow stamp*

First Approval
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Nox Echiiscuan
Macabre Marionette
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Gender: Female
Posts: 2229

Human, Kasumarii


« Reply #20 on: August 16, 2008, 11:46:27 PM »

Just *one* nitpick.

Quote
She has many scars from battle, the most noticeable being the lashes across her back, her severed left ear, a slash along her thigh and several large scrapes above her eyebrow and on her knees.

You say she has a slash along her thigh... but which thigh? You never specified.

Other than that, I don't see anything wrong with this CD. I've read it twice and that's the only thing that really stuck out to me. So, I figure that it's perfectly reasonable to give you your:

Pet Pet PetSecond ApprovalPet Pet Pet

Wow, I love those little bunnies. Anyway. Yay!


Bobspeed,
heart ~ Nox ~ heart
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Fáiorríl
Fallen Grey
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Posts: 192


Mélad'rhim


Homepage
« Reply #21 on: August 17, 2008, 01:03:43 AM »

alright, I'm going to be gone for a day or so.. When i get back i'll specify which thigh, but i'd also like to change my title before i'm actually titled...
i just havent quite figured out what it'll be yet.. i just know i have to change it.

xoxox thankyou guys so much though, i'm really excited to play  grin
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Fáiorríl (Currently under reconstruction)
Join me for some tea. Viewer Discretion is Vaguely Advised.
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
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High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #22 on: August 17, 2008, 02:26:33 AM »

Please remove the color from the CD then I will title and move this character to the archives!
« Last Edit: August 17, 2008, 02:37:08 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Fáiorríl
Fallen Grey
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Mélad'rhim


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« Reply #23 on: August 18, 2008, 11:21:06 AM »

Alright, I made a few tweaks:
Title changed.
She was never a mercenary
Detail on her hands, making their unsteadiness a result of damaged forearm muscle - something i thought up after my own hands went shaky - scars have been added.

I hope there aren't any problems with these changes.. but maybe they should be checked?
If not, colour is removed and I am ready for titlement! *cheers*

~thankyou to all who helped~
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Fáiorríl (Currently under reconstruction)
Join me for some tea. Viewer Discretion is Vaguely Advised.
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
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High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #24 on: August 18, 2008, 12:07:09 PM »

They are minor, so there shouldn't be any problems. Go ahead and remove color please.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Fáiorríl
Fallen Grey
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Posts: 192


Mélad'rhim


Homepage
« Reply #25 on: August 18, 2008, 12:26:32 PM »

oh gosh, my apologies. *smacks head* I thought you just meant the corrections.
heh heh... i fixed it...
 grin
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Fáiorríl (Currently under reconstruction)
Join me for some tea. Viewer Discretion is Vaguely Advised.
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
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Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #26 on: August 18, 2008, 01:10:04 PM »

And titled!
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
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High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #27 on: March 15, 2009, 03:59:57 AM »

Brought up for edits ^^ Make sure you color the changes so we know if it will need to be reapproved with the new edits :)
« Last Edit: March 15, 2009, 04:05:35 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Mannix
Ranger of Shadow
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Gender: Male
Posts: 816


Elf, Aellenrhim


« Reply #28 on: March 15, 2009, 10:46:06 AM »

Just changed the icon to the pencil for you, Faiorril. Have fun with the edits. :)

Mannix
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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Mannix Vaelos ~ Character Creation Help ~ FAQs ~ Restrictions
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