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Author Topic: Morden Peshirgolz, Dwarf, Susilgerim Clan, Exiled Musician  (Read 10256 times)
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Morden Peshirgolz
The Mystic Voice
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Dwarf, Susilgerim Clan


« Reply #15 on: November 05, 2008, 06:09:04 AM »

Pushing my CD back to the top of the list again.
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Zann Lightbringer
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« Reply #16 on: November 06, 2008, 02:52:16 AM »

Pushing a CD to the top of the page should only be done if and only if a character has not received any comments for at least three days.


*Morden owns a stone axe and is highly skilled with it. He also own a dagger, which he is skilled in using to back-stab foes. This is accomplished by first tying a small sack of rocks to his right arm(I don't think you'll need all that preparation just to stab an orc in the back. I mean, you just need one hand to stab, right? Also, the Susilgerims are experts when it comes to sneaking. That's why they're called the 'quiet dwarves'.). Then, sneaking up behind his enemy, Morden swings the sack around, smashing them in the face. When the opponent falls back from the blow, he is stabbed in the back. This is usually lethal against Orcs, since Morden has killed so many of them he know just where to strike. It is not as effective against other races, and Morden would not dare do this to a dwarf.
These are two different weapons and are needed to be listed into two separate strengths.

When Morden was 142 years old, soon after the birth of his sons, Morden and several of his companions were captured by the Rhom-Oc. They were tortured by the Rhom-Oc in an effort to get them to reveal the location of their village. Morden and his men held out for several days, until one of them gave away the location.(I need you to elaborate on this part. The main dwarven entry specifically states that dwarves have a strong will and mental resistance, are stubborn and are unyielding to any pressure exerted on them.)

When they had fled into the mountains, Morden told the Denirim (who had barely survived the attack) of the treachery. Morden was overcome with grief and anguish, and collapsed. When he awoke, he was in a neighboring village recovering. The battle had left its mark on him. Several dark scars slashed across his face, and his right hand was gone. When Morden was strong enough to stand, a meeting of the clan chieftan and his council was called to decide the fate of Morden, for none of his companions had survived. Morden did not die, for it was not he who had actually commited the treachery, but for his part he was exiled.(I don't think he would be exiled by the leaders, as he was not the one who disclosed the location of the community. In fact he would be treated as a hero for returning to his village to help defend it, or for buying some time for noncombatants to escape.)

Weapons: One Stone-Axe, given to him by his village chieftan. He also carries an assassin's dagger to aid him in stealthy raids.
(Where did he get that dagger? This is an unusual weapon for the dwarves.)

There you go. Other than those mentioned above, I can't find any more flaws, at least on the dwarf content of the CD.

Have a nice day.
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Show me a man who walks into a sick tent with no thought of his own health and I'll show you a brave man.
Zann Lightbringer, servant of Nehtor.
Morden Peshirgolz
The Mystic Voice
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Dwarf, Susilgerim Clan


« Reply #17 on: November 06, 2008, 04:17:16 AM »

Sorry about that, I was being a little controlling as far as keeping my CD at the top of the board. Won't happen again.

Anyway, I've made more changes according to your comments. When do you think will my CD be good enough for a first approval?
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Rookie Brownbark
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« Reply #18 on: November 06, 2008, 07:04:58 AM »

Hey Morden, I don't think you're far off, as Zann said. Especially as you seem to be incorporating the comments very quickly ;).  However, I would like to see a bit more detail in your strengths and weaknesses, particularly the weapons and the headaches.  It's hard for me to judge if you're balanced or not at the moment, as I'm not sure how much or how often they help/hinder you.  For example - "Highly skilled" isn't that descriptive, adding an example would help define it.

On the other hand I would advise toning down at least some of your skills a little, as you can use two weapons (one "highly skilled"), control people's emotions through music, sneak up on practically anyone and never be sneaked up on in return.  Each of these might be possible for a master in that particular thing, but you can't be a master in all of them...because having that level of expertise would require your undivided attention and focus.  I hope that makes sense - it's getting a little close to bedtime over here :P.  Either choose one thing you want to be really good at and tone down the others quite a bit, or tone down all of them a little.
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Morden Peshirgolz
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Dwarf, Susilgerim Clan


« Reply #19 on: November 06, 2008, 08:01:55 AM »

Allright, made some more changes.

Rookie, keep checking up on my strengths/weaknesses section. I am very biased towards my own character (naturally  grin ), so I need a more objective opinion to set me straight.

Thanks
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Zann Lightbringer
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« Reply #20 on: November 07, 2008, 02:37:28 AM »

*Goes off to fetch a few mods for possible approvals* grin
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Show me a man who walks into a sick tent with no thought of his own health and I'll show you a brave man.
Zann Lightbringer, servant of Nehtor.
Morden Peshirgolz
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« Reply #21 on: November 07, 2008, 11:33:23 PM »

 cool Alright!

Thanks for all your help on this CD, Zann. It would never have gotten so far without your insightful help.  Thumb up
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Zann Lightbringer
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« Reply #22 on: November 08, 2008, 10:54:54 AM »

it's a mods job to help a CD, you know. grin

I wonder why the CD mods haven't checked this CD yet.
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Show me a man who walks into a sick tent with no thought of his own health and I'll show you a brave man.
Zann Lightbringer, servant of Nehtor.
Morden Peshirgolz
The Mystic Voice
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Dwarf, Susilgerim Clan


« Reply #23 on: November 08, 2008, 11:34:27 AM »

I don't know, I'm sure they'll be here soon. Do I need to remove the highlighting for changes before they approve it?
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Mannix
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« Reply #24 on: November 08, 2008, 12:46:51 PM »

Nah, you should leave them in until it is ready to be moved to the archives and you have been titled. Someone will tell you to remove the colouring when its time to. Good luck.

Mannix
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Morden Peshirgolz
The Mystic Voice
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Dwarf, Susilgerim Clan


« Reply #25 on: November 09, 2008, 09:18:00 AM »

Hallllloooooooo!!!
Any Mods out there by any chance?!?

Not to be impatient, but it has now been a while since I last received any comments. I was told that the next thing needed was for a mod to check out my CD. I understand that everybody's busy, but can you at least give me a heads-up that you have looked at my CD, even if you don't have time to read it in depth?

Again, I really don't want to come across as impatient, but it would be noce to just hear from one of the mods. I can wait a little longer for comments/possible approvals if you're all that busy.

Please reply.
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Garret Arroway
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« Reply #26 on: November 09, 2008, 11:26:10 AM »

Alot of the mods have been pretty busy of late. Someone will get around to this when they have the time. If you've taken care of the comments given by others you should be near approval. If I have time this weekend I'll take a look, but I know almost nothing of the dwarves.
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Before you kill him, think of what you take from him. Remember what it is to be alive.
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Morden Peshirgolz
The Mystic Voice
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Dwarf, Susilgerim Clan


« Reply #27 on: November 09, 2008, 11:54:58 AM »

OK, that's fine. I just wanted to see if you guys were still alive  ;)
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Simonne Miller
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« Reply #28 on: November 09, 2008, 06:09:28 PM »

I read parts of your CD but there were still some things that I wanted to comment on. At the moment I have a visitor though (one of the other CD mods ;)) so I don't have time to actually give the comments. I will take a look at this soon though, so just a little more patience :)
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Simonne Miller
Rookie Brownbark
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« Reply #29 on: November 10, 2008, 06:55:24 PM »

I also have your's and Thorin's CDs on my mental To-do list  :)
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