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Author Topic: Salkazrian Isjinah / Helvet'ine / Officer in the Seyelite Army  (Read 4845 times)
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Salkazrian
Kaiar Strategist
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Human, Kuglimz


« on: November 05, 2008, 12:12:11 AM »

Name:  Salkazrian Isjinah

Gender:  Female

Age:  35

Race:  Human

Tribe:  Helvet'ine

Occupation:  Officer in the Seyelite Army

Title:  Kaiar Strategist

Appearance:

-  Height - Two peds

-  Hair - Straight, deep golden hair that reaches about half way down her back in a single braid.

-  Eyes - Light brown.

-  Physical Description

Salkazrian is physically similar to the rest of her tribe.  She is tall and her features well defined.  Her large, light brown eyes sparkle with intelligence, lighting up her slightly tanned face.  She is lean and very muscular, due to her intensive physical training.  Her shoulders are broad, which makes her waist seem narrower than it actually is, and her breasts are rather small.  Her legs are quite long in relation to her upper body.  Perhaps the first thing that people notice when they see Salkazrian is that she only has one arm.  Her left arm was damaged in combat and had to be amputated at the elbow.  Her body and legs are covered in small scars from various minor injuries.  Her nose has been broken and appears slightly crooked because of this.  All in all, Salkazrian is far from beautiful; but she cuts an imposing figure!

-  Clothing

Salkazrian wears knee length leather boots that have steel toe caps and flat soles.  Her short leather skirt almost touches the top of her boots, and it has a number of small, steel badges fixed to the waistband.  Her breast binding is blood red, but she also tends to wear a long sleeved, red tunic over it.  This is unusual for the Seyelite army, but it goes some way to disguise Salkazrian's missing arm.  When travelling, or in colder weather, she wears a red cloak.

Salkazrian wears her wedding band on her ring finger.  It is a narrow band of gold that has been set with a small, but radiant, ruby.  On the inside it has been engraved with the words, "Forever Faithful".

The small silver badges on the waistband of her skirt are mostly shaped like the head of a blindfolded woman.  These have been awarded to Salkazrian for various acts of bravery in battle.  The badge most prominently on display, though, is a little different.  It rests dead centre of the front of her waist band and is shaped like a swooping owl.  The owl is using its legs to cradle a baby, which is sleeping peacefully.  This simple badge is perhaps Salkazrian's most prized possession, as it honours the act of katmoh that led to the loss of her arm and the saving of an infant's life.

Personality:

Salkatrian is a natural born leader.  She is charismatic and neither meek nor arrogant.  She has a sharp intellect which helps her to assess how she should behave in any given situation.  Through years of training as an officer, she has learnt how to control her emotions, refusing to be provoked into making rash decisions.  Salkazrian will only act when it is to her advantage to do so.  She is diplomatic and can read people quite well.  She is very observant and tends to think carefully before speaking.  She much prefers to avoid a physical confrontation if it is at all possible.

Salkazrian is a naturally likeable person, and has a good, if somewhat bawdy, sense of humour.  When on duty, however, she can be as cold as ice and stern enough to intimidate even the most ardent of trouble makers.  She is generous to those that deserve reward and merciless to those that need punishment.  In either case she is fair and treats all according to their behaviour.

Salkazrian is a quick thinker and makes decisions rapidly.  She hates indecision and procrastination.  Her life is ordered and she loves to follow routine.  She maintains high standards of cleanliness and expects others to do so, too.

Perhaps the real driving force behind her personality is that she truly wishes to do what is best for the people of her country.  She is loyal to her Order as well as the Santhran, and she is almost fanatical about upholding her vow of katmoh.  This does not mean, however, that she is adverse to using deceit and the more underhand of tactics; she firmly believes that the end justifies the means.

In battle, as in life, Salkazrian is brave.  She is the kind of woman who is in the vanguard when attacking, and in the rearguard when on the retreat.  She does have one major fear, however; she is petrified of healers.  She absolutely hates the thought of having to see a physician and will even violently attack a person if they try to administer medical treatment whilst she is still conscious.  Salkazrian much prefers to heal herself and tend to her own wounds.

She is, at heart, a caring woman, and sees the welfare of others as more important than her own.  She is perfectly willing to lay down her own life in the service of others, but only if there is no alternative, and certainly not without a fight!  In combat, Salkazrian is a fierce, unrelenting opponent.  Her training has enabled her to switch this fury on and off; but when it is on, even with only one arm, she becomes a formidable adversary.

On occasion she suffers from depression, as a result of losing both her arm and her third daughter, but these bouts are short lived.  This uncomfortable state of mind is exaggerated if it comes at the same time as one of her heavy periods.  It's not unusual for Salkazrian to sob herself to sleep when this occurs.  She would never allow herself to cry in public, however, and tells nobody of her pain; deeming it a sign of weakness which an officer should never show.  She also suffers from nightmares, as she is still troubled by the bloodshed and acts of savagery that she witnessed in her three years at war.

History:

1,632 - Salkazrian was born in the city of Lu'Weilima.  Her given name was Badia Khazan.  She was the first child of a Kuglim warrior and his wife.  The first five years of her life were spent mostly with her mother, as her father was away training.  These were dangerous times for the Helvet'ine.  The Ash'mari barbarians and their dark elf masters were on the warpath.

1,637 - The Ash'mari were closing in on Lu'Weilima.  Badia's father believed his family would be safer staying with his merchant brother in the southern town of Hog.  As such, he arranged for them to leave Lu'Weilima and board a ship bound for the south.  He stayed to defend the city.  Badia was still too young to fully understand what was happening.

1,637 to 1,640 - The young girl is able to adapt to the new life style faster than her mother.  They both change their names to better fit into Serphelorian society.  Badia Khazan becomes known as Salkazrian Isjinah.  Her uncle and auntie both dote on her and ensure that she receives an education.  Her mother finds work as a seamstress.

1,641 - Salkazrian's father makes a surprise reappearance.  He has obviously endured much hardship on his flight from the now taken city of Lu'Weilima.

1,641 to 1,646 - Salkazrian continues her education.  She discovers that she has a particular fondness for stories of warfare and famous battles.  She loves to listen to her father talk about his experiences.  Seeing this trait, her parents decide that she should one day enter the army.  Her father holds the secret desire that one day he and his daughter will be able to go back to the north and defeat the Ash'mari together!  Because of this, he starts to train her in unarmed combat and stick fighting.  She also learns to ride a horse during this time.  In the Serphelorian culture that they live, this is seen as quite normal; even desirable.

1,646 - The inevitable happens and Salkazrian, now fourteen years old, joins the Seyelite Army.  During the selection process she exhibits signs of leadership and intelligence; because of this, she is allocated to the Tamarian bivili.  For the next year she is put through basic training.  It is during this time that she first wields a real sword.  Out of all the weapons she is introduced to, the sword is by far her favourite.  She also loves to learn about strategy and tactics, spending many hours conversing with various Xaukyra on these subjects.

1,647 - The Festival of the Warriors soon comes round, and Salkazrian is put to the test.  She is successful, and becomes a xau-va of the Tamarian bivili.  She joins the kha of strategic planning in warfare.

1,647 to 1,656 - Salkazrian remains in the army; learning, training, doing guard duty, patrolling and fighting with bandits.  She learns much in these eight years, and her parents are proud of her.  Her father, however, still holds his secret dream that one day the Ash'mari can be defeated.  He tells Salkazrian of this desire, and also that the Helvet'ine rebels have been fighting back for years.  He feels that Salkazrian is now old enough, and competent enough, to go and assist the struggle of her own people.

This is, of course, a difficult decision for Salkazrian to make.  She is young, however, and sees this as an excellent opportunity to get real experience of war; the very thing for which she has been trained.  There have also been rumours of a Helvet'ne man named Dro'go who is uniting the rebels.

1,657 - Salkazrian leaves the Seyelite Army to join the Helvet'ine rebels under Dro'go.  Her father goes with her, leaving his wife in tears and sorrow.  Before, she had to deal with the possibility of losing her husband.  Now she has to cope with the possibility of losing her eldest daughter, too.  She still has Salkazrian's younger brother and sister, however; both of whom have shown no interest in military matters.

1,657 to 1,659 - Salkazrian and her father join Dro'go and the rebel Helvet'ine in a campaign to drive the Ash'mari invaders from their land and cities.  After this aim had been achieved, they continued fighting with Dro'go and the Kurakim dwarfs against the Losh-Oc orcs.  It is during this campaign that Salkazrian learns about the realities of warfare.  Her sharp intellect and knowledge of military strategy is soon noticed, as is her bravery and humility.  In the beginning, Salkazrian served as a regular soldier.  With time, however, she became an advisor to one of Dro'go's captains.  Eventually she was put in command of her own unit.  As well as learning a great deal about leadership and military operations, Salkazrian also learnt from the other troops how to survive in the wilderness and the application of field medicine.  She also received numerous minor injuries from the Ash'mari and the Losh-Oc orcs.  The most severe injury was the one which led to the loss of her arm.

A group of Ash'mari had invaded a small Helvet'ine village and were in the process of ransacking it when Salkazrian and her unit came riding past.  Fearing for the safety of the villagers, Salkazrian ordered her troops to immediately attack and drive the Ash'mari from the village.  As usual, she was one of the first into the fray.  During the ensuing melee, Salkazrian heard a woman screaming and a baby crying.  The sounds were coming from inside a hut.  Instantly, she fought her way clear of the engagement she was in, and entered the hut by herself.  The hut was dark and filled with Ash'mari barbarians.  Unfortunately, she arrived only in time to see the poor woman have her throat slit.  Salkazrian ferociously attacked the group of Ash'mari, valiantly fighting a losing battle.  It soon became apparent that she was outnumbered and would likely die if she didn't force a retreat.  The crying of the infant prevented her from doing so, however, for she knew that it would certainly be killed if she left now.  As such, she continued her futile struggle to cut a path to the baby's cot.  Eventually, one of the Ash'mari axes smashed into her left forearm, severing it almost completely.  Salkazrian screamed in pain and anguish before renewing her attack, this time one-armed but twice as mad!  As it turned out, it was her scream that saved her.  A group of her men heard it and came to her rescue.  When the Ash'mari saw the new arrivals they realised that they were outnumbered and made a surge for the exit.  They were cut down by the Helvet'ine troops, however.  Salkazrian collapsed from blood loss shortly after this.

She awoke in the same hut some time later.  She was weak and couldn't even sit up.  Her left forearm was burning with a terrible pain, so she reached over to hold it, but grasped only air!  Whilst she had been unconscious, her troops had amputated the unsaveable forelimb and dressed the wound.  For some unknown reason, however, she could still feel pain in the missing body part.  Before passing out once more, she asked the man sitting with her if the baby had survived; he replied that it had and was being taken care of by another villager.

For a while, Salkazrian rested and tried to regain her strength.  The loss of her left forearm affected her ability to fight and ride greatly.  She could no longer wield a lance, a two-handed sword, a spear nor a heavy battle axe.  All of her training with a bow became useless, too.  Not one to be so easily defeated, however, Salkazrian turned her attention to developing a form of one-armed sword fighting.  She also began to alter her unarmed fighting style, focussing a lot more on kicking techniques.

1,659 - Even when many Helvet'ine warriors, (including Salkazrian's father), cease operations and start to rebuild their ravaged cities, Salkazrian leads her now loyal band of troops into the Prominent Mountains to assist the Injerin elves in their continued struggle with the Losh-Oc orcs.

1,660 - When the campaign is finally over the Kurakim dwarves and Injerin elves show their thanks to Salkazrian by presenting her with a fine sword which she still uses today, (see 'weapons').  After witdrawing from the Prominent Mountains, Salkazrian returned to Lu'Weilimia to rejoin her father.  Shortly afterwards they returned to Hog.

Once safely back in Hog, Salkazrian rejoins the Seyelite army.  She is placed back into the Tamarian bivili, and because she is now a war veteran, she is promoted to the rank of Xaukyra.  Her title is Kaiar Strategist, and she is responsible for teaching other xau va the art of military strategy.  After the Army hears of how she lost her arm, they award her the badge for exceptional katmoh, which she now wears with pride.

1,661 - Salkazrian decides to marry.  She is wed to Talard, a Serphelorian man whom she has known since she first moved to Hog.

1,662 - Salkazrian gives birth to her first daughter, Eltanlia.

1,665 - Salkazrian's second daughter, Tarzalia, is born.

1,667 - Salkazrian loses her third child due to complications with the birth.  She and her husband decide that two children are enough and not to try for any more.

1,668 - Current time.  Salkazrian is still happily married, and when not on duty likes to spend time with her family.

Strengths:

-  Excellent strategist and tactician in battle.  This is not just a theoretical understanding.  During her three years at war in the north she had ample opportunity to put the theory into practice.  This means that Salkazrian is able to determine the best way to deal with an enemy force, drawing from her knowledge and practical experience.  It also helps her to out think opponents in one-to-one altercations.

-  Accomplished swordswoman.  Salkazrian has learnt how to fight with only one arm, using a single handed sword and a great deal of ferocity!  This means that she is able to defend herself, not only on the battlefield, but in everyday life as well.  Salkazrian is also able to protect those she is travelling with, or even complete strangers who are being oppressed in some way.

-  Trained in jakatya.  This gives her exceptional balance as well as helping in unarmed and armed combat.  Besides the obvious advantage that she gains in self-defence, her exceptional balance also means that she is able to successfully gain access to places that most people can't.  This could mean that she is more easily able to escape from a situation where she is outnumbered, or that she can save time by taking a treacherous shortcut to a destination.

-  Able to ride a horse for travelling.  This means that Salkazrian can cover long distances in a relatively short time, and that she arrives less exhausted than if she had to walk.  Her ability to ride grants Salkazrian more freedom of movement.

-  Can survive in the wilderness.  This essentially means that Salkazrian can be self-reliant for long periods of time, and not have to depend on money or charity.  On a practical level, Salkazrian is skilled at locating sources of water and food supplies.  She knows how to test plants, berries and fruit for edibility, and she can trap animals using simple techniques.  She is also adept at making basic forms of shelter in a range of different conditions.

-  Can administer basic first aid.  This has proven useful both on a battlefield and in everyday life.  More specifically, Salkazrian can treat cuts and minor wounds.  She also knows how to correctly care for sprains, broken bones, and the effects of shock.  The army trained her how to do this, and she also learnt more from the Helvet'ine rebels during her time on operations in northern Sarvonia.

-  Exceedingly brave and charismatic.  This makes her a good leader.  Being a good leader means that Salkazrian can influence the people around her to help her achieve her goals.  It also means that she can rely on people to do what they are asked.

-  Stoical.  Salkazrian can endure very difficult circumstances and not complain.  This enables her to carry on going when things get tough, thus helping her to succeed where others might fail.  This attitude has been drilled into her by rigorous training, and has been reinforced by having to endure harsh conditions when fighting in the north.

Weaknesses:

-  Her left arm has been amputated at the elbow.  This means that she can't do some everyday tasks.  Also, she is unable to use many weapons that she has been trained in, and her horse riding ability has been diminished greatly.

-  She feels frustrated and upset at the loss of her arm and third daughter.  This leads to bouts of depression.  When depressed, Salkazrian finds it difficult to muster enough enthusiasm to do anything and will withdraw away from the world and become unresponsive.  This has led to Salkazrian alienating friends, which means that she has very few close relationships outside of her family.

-  Salkazrian sometimes has nightmares because of the violence and inhumanity that she witnessed during her three years at war.  These nightmares disturb her sleep, which in turn causes her to be tired the next day.  When this happens for several nights in a row, Salkazrian's exhaustion negatively affects her ability to make sound decisions, both on a professional and personal level.  When exhausted like this, Salkazrian is more likely to feel angry, and lash out at those around her.  This has had an undesirable effect on her relationship with her daughters, who don't really understand why their mother becomes so unkind on occasion.

-  Suffers from phantom limb syndrome.  This is a painful and distressing condition.  Basically, it means that even though her left forearm is no longer there, Salkazrian can still feel pain in it.  This usually takes the form of a burning sensation, but it can also feel like an extreme cramp or terrible itch.  Of course, she has no way of stopping the pain, relieving the cramp, or scratching the itch.  It generally goes away with time.  When it gets particularly bad, however, Salkazrian finds it difficult to concentrate on anything else.  She is likely to get irritable when this happens, which in turn makes her snap at people, sometimes saying or doing things that she later regrets.  As an example, maybe somebody bumps into Salkazrian at a busy inn.  Under normal circumstances, she would ignore it.  However, if she is experiencing phantom limb syndrome, she is highly likely to lash out at the person, and possibly start a fight.

-  The frustration and sadness that she sometimes feels have led to a habit of binge drinking when not on duty.  When drunk her ability to wield a sword and to think clearly are reduced.  She has also started drinking when on duty sometimes.  This has led to her having to spend time at Stonedale quarry as punishment.  She believes that a true officer shouldn't break the rules like this, but her addiction can overwhelm her ideals.  This inner conflict confuses Salkazrian, and lowers her self esteem.

-  Suffers from iatrophobia (fear of doctors).  This means that she will either ignore or try to self treat illness and wounds.  This is dangerous because she could easily damage her health.

(This particular fear is related to an event from her childhood.  When she was about four years old, she witnessed the slow, lingering death of one of her uncles.  He was attended to every day by various healers, who, in the young girl's mind, were actually the cause of his withering away and eventual death.  The more these strange men came, the sicker Salkazrian’s uncle became.  Once formed, this connection was almost impossible to remove.  Throughout the rest of her childhood, Salkazrian would kick and scream whenever her mother tried to trick her into, or forced her, to see a healer.)

-  Covered in old scars and has broken various bones over the years.  These old wounds sometimes ache and cause pain.  When this occurs, (usually when it's going to rain or in the morning on waking), her movements are stiff and slow.

-  Occasionally has heavy periods that leave her exhausted from the blood loss and more susceptible to morose feelings.

Weapons:

-  A single-handed, double-edged sword.  This sword has been expertly crafted by the Kurakim dwarves.  Its blade is strong and its edges razor sharp.  Its length and weight have been tailored to suit Salkazrian's one-armed fighting style perfectly.  The blade has been engraved with Kurakim script.  The inscription roughly translates into Tharian as, "To a proven friend of the Kurakim and Injerin.  May Trum-Baroll always protect you, and all those you care for."
-  A long, double-edged dagger.

Belongings:

-  A flask of strong liquor (for cleaning wounds, honest!)
-  A medical kit that contains the basics needed for dressing field wounds.
-  A supply of quills, ink and parchment.
-  A military telescope.
-  A small knife.
-  A lock of hair from both of her daughters, and a small doll to represent her third.
-  A wedding ring.  This is a thin band of gold set with a ruby.  It is engraved with the words, "Forever Faithful".
« Last Edit: March 09, 2009, 03:09:03 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

In military strategy, as in life itself, timing is everything!

Salkazrian's CD
Salkazrian
Kaiar Strategist
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Human, Kuglimz


« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2008, 01:03:28 AM »

Well, here's my first attempt at a female character!  Comments welcome, thank you!
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Salkazrian's CD
Simonne Miller
Meddling Herbalist
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Human, Caltharian


« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2008, 06:04:55 AM »

...

*blinks*

*Speechlessly reaches for her stamp of approval*

Nah, not really. I mean, I am very, VERY impressed, there's just a couple of things I noticed (not many though!) One would be, is there a reason for the doctor fear, and if so could you explain it in the history? And two, I'd like to see a bit more explanation for some of your S&W... I don't really see their helping/hindering her, but with a little explanation I might. The binge drinking for example. Ok, it affects her ability to fight, but she only does it when she's not on duty, so...

Oh, and of course you'll need a reason to join a story, but then you're creative enough to find one specific to the story you want to join.

So when you've done these small things, you get my approval!
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Simonne Miller
Salkazrian
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Human, Kuglimz


« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2008, 08:10:59 PM »

Thanks for the comment, Simonne.   :)

I'll get stuck into redrafting it soon enough...
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Salkazrian's CD
Rookie Brownbark
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Brownie, Llaoihrr


« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2008, 08:51:02 PM »

Ok, I'm going to change your post icon to the pencil, so we know you're working on it.  Oh....you know the drill ;).
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Salkazrian
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Human, Kuglimz


« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2008, 11:35:27 PM »

Hmm, I almost forgot about poor Salkazrian!  Well, I added a little more detail, using lovely yellow!  Comments welcome, thank you!
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Salkazrian
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Human, Kuglimz


« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2008, 12:35:56 AM »

Just bringing her off the second page...
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Salkazrian's CD
Mannix
Ranger of Shadow
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Elf, Aellenrhim


« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2008, 10:51:53 AM »

Heya Salkazrian! I don’t have enough time to give you a full uri, but I’ll take a look at your S&W, okay? Basically they just need a bit of explaining, and since the rest of your CD looks quite good, I’ll give you some hints and tips for each one.

Strengths:

-  Excellent strategist and tactician in battle.  This is not just a theoretical understanding.  During her three years at war in the north she had ample opportunity to put the theory into practice. (You will need to say how this helps her, it may be obvious, but you don’t have to go with the obvious explanation either. You could think of something inventive and original. But whatever you choose, you need to explain how this helps. You could say how it could help her with fighting, or give examples of when it has helped her as well.)
-  Accomplished swordswoman.  Salkazrian has learnt how to fight with only one arm, using a single handed sword and a great deal of ferocity! (Again, just write how this helps her.)
-  Trained in jakatya.  This gives her exceptional balance as well as helping in unarmed and armed combat. (You could make this one a bit different. Maybe write about the balance helping her do certain things. It could make it a bit out of the ordinary.)
-  Able to ride a horse for travelling. (Yep, just explain how this helps. You could also mention that the horse gives her companionship when travelling.)
-  Can survive in the wilderness.  This essentially means that Salkazrian can be self-reliant for long periods of time, and not have to depend on money or charity. (Perhaps explain how she can survive. Even if it is just something about her hunting or foraging, something like that.)
-  Can administer basic first aid.  This has proven useful both on a battlefield and in everyday life. (You could explain this a bit as well. Maybe how she learnt it, or what she can treat.)
-  Exceedingly brave and charismatic.  This makes her a good leader. (And being a good leader helps her by… ;) I do like putting a bit of history in sometimes, so you could too. Maybe how this ahas helped in the past or maybe someone she saw as a role model and learnt to be a leader from them. Just something to make the strength more personal.)
-  Stoical.  Salkazrian can endure very difficult circumstances and not complain. (And again, add bit of explanation. You could give examples of circumstances or ways she puts up with them.)

Weaknesses:

-  Her left arm has been amputated at the elbow.  This means that she can't do some everyday tasks.  Also, she is unable to use many weapons that she has been trained in, and her horse riding ability has been diminished greatly. (You could explain how she gets by without one arm, but I don’t think it would be necessary. It would be a nice touch though.)
-  She feels frustrated and upset at the loss of her arm and third daughter.  This leads to bouts of depression.  When depressed, Salkazrian finds it difficult to muster enough enthusiasm to do anything and will withdraw away from the world and become unresponsive. (You can then say how being unresponsive could hinder her. Maybe friends never get really close to her, or her marriage suffers because of it. Just pick something that fits her character.)
-  Salkazrian sometimes has nightmares because of the violence and inhumanity that she witnessed during her three years at war.  These nightmares disturb her sleep, which in turn causes her to be tired the next day. (You could go on to explain how this tiredness hinders her everyday activities. Just to go more in depth.)
-  Suffers from phantom limb syndrome.  This can be painful and distressing.  When it gets particularly bad, Salkazrian finds it difficult to concentrate on anything else.  She is likely to get irritable when this happens, which in turn makes her snap at people, sometimes saying or doing things that she later regrets. (An explanation of what phantom limb syndrome is would help. I can guess, but and explanation would be good.)
-  The frustration and sadness that she sometimes feels have led to a habit of binge drinking when not on duty.  When drunk her ability to wield a sword and to think clearly are reduced.  She has also started drinking when on duty sometimes.  This has led to her having to spend time at Stonedale quarry as punishment.  She believes that a true officer shouldn’t break the rules like this, but her addiction can overwhelm her ideals.  This inner conflict confuses Salkazrian, and lowers her self esteem.
-  Suffers from iatrophobia (fear of doctors).  This means that she will either ignore or try to self treat illness and wounds.  This is dangerous because she could easily damage her health.

(This particular fear is related to an event from her childhood.  When she was about four years old, she witnessed the slow, lingering death of one of her uncles.  He was attended to every day by various healers, who, in the young girl's mind, were actually the cause of his withering away and eventual death.  The more these strange men came, the sicker Salkazrian’s uncle became.  Once formed, this connection was almost impossible to remove.  Throughout the rest of her childhood, Salkazrian would kick and scream whenever her mother tried to trick her into, or forced her, to see a healer.)

-  Covered in old scars and has broken various bones over the years.  These old wounds sometimes ache and cause pain.  When this occurs, (usually when it's going to rain or in the morning on waking), her movements are stiff and slow. (You could elaborate on this. Maybe it affects her when on duty, and so she suffers because of that.)
Occasionally has heavy periods that leave her exhausted from the blood loss and more susceptible to morose feelings. (Now that’s original. But you could explain how this exhaustion and morose feelings hinder her.)



So basically it is just a bit of explanation of how they help or hinder her or some elboration on the actual strength. It is nothing too much, and there are a few places where you could add a few things that I personally thing would make it fantastic. Just little hints at her personality and strengths, it would help tie the strengths and weaknesses into the character and make them seem more realistic.  Oh, and one more thing I just remembered, could you put gaps in between the individual strengths and weaknesses, it just helps us all read it. Good luck!

Mannix
« Last Edit: December 21, 2008, 10:13:18 PM by Mannix » Logged

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Mannix Vaelos ~ Character Creation Help ~ FAQs ~ Restrictions
Azhira Styralias
Shamaness
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Half-elf, Aellenrhim/ Erpheronian


« Reply #8 on: December 31, 2008, 03:36:57 AM »

Penciled until comments are integrated.  ;)
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
Grunok the Exile
Seeker
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Male Losh-Oc Orc


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« Reply #9 on: January 12, 2009, 05:37:12 PM »

Fantastic!  It is so good to see my babies coming to life!   heart   I hope you get her approved and into a story.  I will see if I can keep one eye on her...  azn
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Salkazrian
Kaiar Strategist
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Human, Kuglimz


« Reply #10 on: March 03, 2009, 06:29:12 PM »

Okay, thanks for your help, Mannix; it has been very useful!  So, I've (eventually) managed to revise the S&W section.  I've put in some more detail, as suggested.

All comments welcome!   :)

@ Grunok - Thank you!
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In military strategy, as in life itself, timing is everything!

Salkazrian's CD
Eléyr Fásamár
Serenity's Embodiment
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Elf ~ Kaýrrhem


« Reply #11 on: March 08, 2009, 12:14:30 AM »

Sorry, Salkazrian, this has languished for too long! I should have gotten around to it sooner with such a well-written CD. heart

~First Approval~
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Those who say only Insanity can bring true relaxation...
Have clearly never hired a Mindsmoother!

Eléyr's CD ~¤•¤~ Character Creation ~¤•¤~ Restrictions ~¤•¤~ CD Etiquette
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #12 on: March 08, 2009, 12:24:41 AM »

Go ahead and remove the color, Salka :)
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Mannix
Ranger of Shadow
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Elf, Aellenrhim


« Reply #13 on: March 08, 2009, 08:06:19 AM »

This is a very well-written CD. I found a couple of spelling errors, if you want to correct them quickly before being titled. But it's nothing to hold you back from my:

~ Second Approval ~

And here are the errors:
- The owl is using its legs to cradle a baby, which is sleeping peacefully.

- Salkazrian is a natural born leader.

- She hates indecision and procrastination.

- On occasion she suffers from depression, as a result of losing both her arm and her third daughter, but these bouts are short lived.  This uncomfortable state of mind is exaggerated if it comes at the same time as one of her heavy periods.

- She is successful, and becomes a xau-va of the Tamarian bivili.

- After withdrawing from the Prominent Mountains, Salkazrian returned to Lu'Weilimia to rejoin her father.  Shortly afterwards they returned to Hog.

- Besides the obvious advantage that she gains in self-defence, her exceptional balance also means that she is able to successfully gain access to places that most people can't. This could mean that she is more easily able to escape from a situation where she is outnumbered, or that she can save time by taking a treacherous short-cut to a destination.

- When exhausted like this, Salkazrian is more likely to feel angry, and lash out at those around her. This has had an undesirable effect on her relationship with her daughters, who don't really understand why their mother becomes so unkind on occasion.

- Occasionally has heavy periods that leave her exhausted from the blood loss and more susceptible to morose feelings.

Don't bother colouring them, it's only minor.

Mannix
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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Mannix Vaelos ~ Character Creation Help ~ FAQs ~ Restrictions
Salkazrian
Kaiar Strategist
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Human, Kuglimz


« Reply #14 on: March 08, 2009, 08:46:56 PM »

Okay, thank you everyone!   hug  Time to express my feminine side!
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In military strategy, as in life itself, timing is everything!

Salkazrian's CD
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