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Author Topic: Miés'efér Lytherá, Elf, Tethinrhim tribe, Kaiér-kroín  (Read 8380 times)
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Miés'efér Lytherá
Kaiér-kroín
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« on: November 11, 2008, 11:59:04 AM »

Name:  Miés'efér Lytherá (loosely translates to "Star Poem" in human dialect)

Gender: Female

Age: 400

Race: Styreians(elves)

Tribe: Tethinrhim

Occupation: Kaierian Soldier

Title: Kaiér-kroín (Highly trained war warrior of the Kaierian Army)

Appearance:

Height : Two peds

Weight: One pygge and two hebs

Hair color and style: Straight ruby red hair that usually hangs loosely down to the middle of her back.

Eyes:  Deep Hazel

Physical Description:
She is very beautiful and slim yet well formed.  Her ruby red hair, as beautiful and radiant as the setting sun, deep hazel eyes, and modest beautiful nose give away her Tethinrhim heritage.Kind, if a little blank, eyes and unreadable calmness accentuate her elven face in a way that inspires kindness in return. This elf, like her counterparts, is tall and slight of build. Head to toes she is beautifully shaped.  From small feminine shoulders and supple but not large breasts, to a well formed muscular bottom that tapers to long sinewy legs, she is the combination of feminine frailty and well developed muscles that so often is exemplified in elves. Her small angular face accompanied by bright beautiful eyes, thin lips creased in a smile, a small nose, and pale complexion, again give off the appearance of frailty. To further this appearence of weakness, she has an obviously useless left arm that hangs off to her side, and if it weren't for her confidence one would not be able to believe her a warrior of any kind. 

As a sign of strength on her body can be found in the tattoos of Kaier signifying her as a Kaierian warrior all the way through the Kaiér-kroín level. The first tattoo one notices is the odd tattoo given to all young children of the Kaier, which consists of the Eye of Avá and a Tethinrhim symbol which represents her soul name. With each child the soul name is obviously different, and thus each persons tattoo is different. The other tattoos are tribal tattoos that mark advancement through out the ranks of Kaierian warriors, and to a foreigners eyes they appear to be nothing more than a bunch of tribal mumbo-jumbo.

Clothing:
Miés’efér wears the traditional everyday garb of the female Kaierian warriors. This consists of a brown piece of leather to cover the breasts, a short skirt of brown and green, and knee-high flexible boots that are appropriate for all occasions. She differs from her fellow warriors, however, in that she does not wear the traditional leather armor to battle, but chooses rather to fight in her every day wear. The part of her dress that most catches ones eye is the brown leather belt that hangs loosely on her hips.  Adorning this belt on the left is a short sword, and on the right a light axe.  In between the two, all across her lower belly, are ten small throwing knives.  The belt alone leaves no doubt that she is an accomplished fighter. Though not a huge fan of jewelry, she wears a necklace consisting of a white gold chain that suspends a small golden flower embedded with red diamonds at a level just above the breasts. This necklace once belonged to her mother, so she is very fond of this particular piece of jewelry.

Personality:
Miés’efér is calm, introspective yet out spoken, confident, diligent and understanding, but she is lacking a little bit upstairs.  Never the wittiest, she seldom understands the complexities of politics, and as a result she could never be a leader of men.  This is not to say that she is a sheep or a blind follower, but rather; it is to say that despite her demeanor she is incapable of intelligently leading groups of people. She makes up for her lacking intelligence by hard work and unyielding diligence. This hard work alone is the reason she was capable of becoming a member of the much respected Kaierian Warriors. 

Miés’efér is one of the kindest hearted people one is likely ever to meet, and even more than she is kind, she is honest. With her kind and honest actions, she creates business relationships that are productive for both parties, and creates many new friendships every day.

Unlike the majority of her elven counterparts, she is very interested in the goings on of humans, and she therefore has ties to humans throughout the kingdom.  The mythical Ar’leiná is her hero.  In fact one could say that she is a disciple of this ancient elven hero.  It is her belief that all elves should follow the lead of Ar’leiná, and go out into the world to learn of the other peoples and their cultures.  Miés’efér finds the self-righteousness and stubbornness of her people to be both very distasteful and self-defeating. She can oft be found preaching the value of understanding and acceptance to all that will listen to her sometimes unintelligible ranting.

For all of her kindness and desire, she is a bit emotionally inept. She is prone to bursts of emotion at unreasonable times. The reasoning for this can be found in the depths of her beautiful eyes.  If one looks deep he or she finds an old pain in those eyes; it is the type of pain that could only come from a hard childhood. If you were to ask her what the pain was about she would refuse to acknowledge such, and would therefore, give herself away. She is in denial, and that denial carries into every day life.  That denial leads her to shut away emotions, until they can no longer be held in check, and thus she has her outbursts.

History:
Alẽzerii Lytherá and Torriẽl Burii of the Tethinrhim tribe,  gave birth to a daughter who they named Miés’efér Lytherá in the Auturian Woods, and due to irregular complications, Torriẽl died during labor.

Growing up without a mother was very difficult for this young elf, for even though her father loved her very much and was very kind, he did not understand the sometimes frail emotional being that a young girl can be.  She was therefore forced to shut away these emotions, and even in her elder years could never appropriately communicate complicated emotions such as love, anger, or sadness. 

Miés’efér grew up wanting to, as her father did, become a Kaierian warrior. At the appropriate age of 30 she was accepted into the order as a Cáo-króin, or Child Warrior.  Though it usually takes a young elf three years to advance to the next level, Miés’efér took a full four years before she had mastered the knowledge of plant and animal life, as well as a knowledge of the history of the land and mastery of the beginning movements of the Iteh, that are necessary to advance to Tethin-króin. 

Again, she worked very hard to master the necessary lessons of this status, and was therefore advanced to Asthár-króin, or Third Warrior status.  In the long nine years it took for her to advance through the first two levels she mastered plant names, animal names, the acrobatic Iteh she had been taught, hand to hand combat, and a history of the land.  As such, she thought herself smart, and was taught her first lesson in humility. Her audacity had reached the point where she actually argued with an instructor, and in a culture such as this, one simply did not get away with disrespecting his or her elders.  The instructor was right of course, and even worse she was almost kicked out of the Kaierian clan for lack of discipline. 

Due to her actions, she was not allowed advancement from the Third Warrior status until long after she had mastered all of the requirements to move on.  It was in fact not until ten years after she should have been advanced that she was allowed the honor of being called Pharanhé-króin, or Traveling Warrior.

During the stage of Traveling Warrior she learned much about the world outside the wood-elven culture.  As a Traveling Warrior, one must travel to a land and back to Ria. Miés’efér’s journey was short, but fraught with danger, as the land she traveled into was full of wood-elf hating humans. As a necessity for survival in this hostile land, she learned how to keep herself anonymous by doing little to attract attention.  This later served her well as she worked as a spy for the Kaierian Warriors.

Upon returning to Ria and sharing her experiences with the Avár'Soórn, she was advanced to the class of Zoúm-króin, or Home Warrior. She felt that nothing could stand between her and her goals, but once again she found herself being humbled. When she was advanced to the next class, Krói-króin, or War Warrior, she found that there was indeed something she wasn't able to master on shear force of will alone.  In this level the warriors are taught the advanced use of weapons such as; swords, bows, coóran’lóhs, scourges, crossbows, and all other weapons of warfare.  The most prestigious of these weapons in the world of wood-elves is the bow, and Miés’efér found its advanced uses to be very difficult to master.  It took her twenty whole years to master its uses, and when she had done so she took great pride in her newly mastered skill, but a long time passed before her peers quit jabbing her with jokes about not knowing how to use a bow.

As a master of weapons she was then allowed advancement to the class of Sýs'pharanhé-króin, or Second Traveling Warrior.  By this time she was at the age of 200 and had become a very respectable person in the Tethinrhim culture. For her second journey she traveled to Fá'áv'cál'âr, and discovered that there were still shadow elves living in this ghost of a city, and gained a new respect for the refusal of these elves to give up their lands and culture.

At the age of 250 she was given the final advancement to Kaiér-kroín, or Highly Trained War Warrior class, and was accepted in the Kaierian warriors as a full member.

Throughout the next 150 years, she was a part of many successful campaigns against the invasion of the Tethinrhim people, and this time was marred by only one occasion.  At the age of 284 she was sent on a mission as a spy to the humans of Enthronia.  While carrying out this simple mission, she suffered a terrible fall from atop a high tree.  When she regained consciousness afterwards she found herself crippled and trapped in a healing room for three months.  The Elven Healers worked hard on her, but as this injury was a spinal injury, there was little even they could do.  She was eventually able do almost all that she was prior capable of doing, but never again did she have the endurance that she once possessed. Indeed she could fight a battle, but any more than a couple of hours of fighting would render her crippled, and thus she would remain for up to several days. Even more disheartening though was the loss of her control over her left arm, as this rendered her completely incapable to useing a bow.  As a result of many years of diligent work and physical therapy, she gradually got better, but even now, 116 years later, she is only a fragment of the physical being that she once was.  Throughout the course of these one-hundred fifty years, only one other thing of real consequence to her took place; that is her father was able to return to the earth when she was 321, and though she missed him dearly she was very happy that he was able to meet such a peaceful ending. It was right before his death that he gave her the beautiful necklace that had belonged to her mother.

Though she is very beautiful, she had very few relationships with the opposite sex over the course of her life, and none of those turned into something of a lasting nature. Miés’efér thought many times that this was all for the better, but that didn’t keep her from feeling very lonely at times.

Strengths:
-As a Kaierian warrior, she is very proficient with the coóran’lóh.  This weapon helps her to defend against surprise attacks, as well as serves as a last resort in a tough situation.

-Being the type of fighter that prefers quick and accurate attacks, she trained much throughout the course of her years in training with the short sword, and is quite capable of defending herself against most foes with its use.

-Through the everyday routine practice of Iteh she is very fast, acrobatic and agile, which makes every action from daily life to warfare easier for her body to handle.

-Through the lesson of experience taught her in her first stage of Traveling Warrior, she is good at blending in with different crowds, and is therefore capable of avoiding trouble, and acting as a spy.

-She is also quite proficient with a light axe, and often chooses to fight with this instead of a short sword.  Again, this weapon is especially useful while trying to achieve quick agile attacks.

[-As a result of losing the use of her left hand, and thus the use of a bow, she worked hard at mastering the techniques of throwing knives.  She is now deadly and accurate with these weapons.  This of course is no match for the bow, but it helps to close the gap created by her useless arm.

Weaknesses:
-Having had no mother figure, and also having been raised a Kaierian warrior, she is in many ways emotionally inept. It is not really that she has no emotion, but rather that she has a very hard time expressing that emotion in a productive way.  In other words she bottles her emotions up, and is prone to outbursts in times and towards people that don't warrant such reactions.

-Due to her near death experience caused by falling out of a tree she is prone to crippling back spasms that often occur at the most inopportune times.  As far as she and the healers can tell these are not caused by specific actions, but rather the combinations of actions and strain over extended periods of time.

[Also as a result of her accident she has a completely useless left arm. This of course renders her incapable of wielding any two-handed weapons, and most especially the bow.  Not being able to use a bow not only hinders her strength as a fighter, but also makes hunting for food a serious challenge.

-As yet another result of her accident she has a nigh uncontrollable fear of heights.  Even the smaller trees climbed by the children of Tethinrhim, cause her to break out in a cold sweat. This of course renders her useless as a spy in many cases, and has in turn lowered her standing amidst the other warriors.

-Especially for an elf, she is lacking in brute physical strength, and though she is very fast, this combined with a useless left arm and crippling back spasms can obviously be a severe disadvantage. The least of which is that even if she so chose to due to her diminished status as a soldier, she would have a very hard time finding a job as a physical laborer.

-Finally, she is not the smartest person ever to grace the world of Caelereth, and as such she is often fooled in to accepting business deals that might not be to her advantage. There are many other obvious reasons that a lack of intelligence is a weakness.


Weapons:
-A coóran’lóh in each boot. (when the boots are tapped together in a specific way blades pop out of the toe of the boots.)
-A short sword
-A light axe
-Throwing knives

Belongings:
-Sack of gold coins
-Her mother's white gold, and red diamond necklace.
-A light roll of stuffed cloth for bedding
-A large hunting knife

As a Kaierian warrior she has little need of many belongings aside from weapons, and an even smaller need of work creatures such as horses

« Last Edit: January 25, 2009, 09:36:24 AM by Twén Arĺerwén » Logged

Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Simonne Miller
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Human, Caltharian


« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2008, 07:03:05 AM »

Hi there Kybe, and Welcome to Santharia!

I don't have much time at the moment, but I'd like to comment on your S&W section.

I'm sorry to say that you extremely unbalanced. Without wishing to offend you, I honestly believe you are the most unbalanced character I've read. Lets take a look at what you have, and hopefully you'll see what I mean.

Strengths:
-As a Kaierian warrior she is a skillful woodsman, an accomplished fighter, a weapons master, a historian, a battle tactician, and a very agile and acrobatic person.This is not actually one strength, it's 6, which all deserve their own bullet point and explanation. Just this, without all your other strengths, would be hard to balance already. Also, each weapon that you are able to fight with needs its own bulllet point as well, specifying how good you are with each. Seeing as you own 5 different weapons, this makes balancing even harder.
 -She is a great leader
-She is a great politician, and masterfully captivates crowds with her elegant tounge. Could you explain these two a bit more? As far as I can see, they are the same strength, just worded differently.
-She has developed good relationships with the leaders of many lands, giving her the ability to avoid conflicts that might otherwise be inevitable. She single-handedly stops wars? I'm sorry, but as a character you're not allowed to be too influential (such as a king or a duke for example), I think this strength also falls under that 'too influential' category.
-Her heritage has given Kybẽhrii a very special gift; that is she has the elongated k-9 teeth of her half Ak'váth'rhím heritage, giveing her a distinct advantage in hand to hand combat. Oh, so 6 weapons:
-Most importantly she has developed an understanding nature, which allows her to be forgiving to her subordinates, and therefore; inspires great loyalty amongst those she leads.


Weaknesses:
-  Her greatest strength is often her greatest weakness, in that, by being too forgiving she often gives off the impression that it is ok for her soldiers to be lax.How is her soldiers being lax a weakness for her? During roleplay she won't have any of her soldiers with her anyway...
- Though she as an elf has a natural affinity for water’s elemental magic she has spent no time studying such arcane arts, and therefore; she is very vulnerable to attack by way of magic. You're comparing yourself to the average peasant, who has no knowledge of magic whatsoever. Therefore, not knowing magic is not considered a weakness.
-She often chooses to wear little or no armor in battle, and is therefore very susceptible to being injured badly if she is hit throughout it’s course. Many fighters actually don't wear armour. Without this weighing them down, they are a lot quicker than their armoured opponent, making it harder to hit them. You also specified that your character is agile, so even less likelihood of getting hit. I'm sorry, but I don't see not wearing armour as a weakness either.
-She is a very calm person, and though sometimes this particular attribute would seem a strength there are times when panic is necessary.  Uh... Panic hampers your ability to think straight, causing you to make the wrong decisions. Just when is such a thing necessary?
-Having had no mother figure in her life time she has learned poorly how to handle the problems of womanhood, and therefore; is very temperamental come that time of the month.

So, if we recap this, you are a skilled woodsman, fighter, weapons master fighting with 6 different weapons (counting the teeth), historian, battle tactician, and acrobat, who is able to sway whole crowds and lead them, who is known by all the important leaders in the known world and inspires loyalty in her men. All this is balanced by... being cranky during her period?

Do you see what I'm talking about? I'd advise you to tone down your strengths quite a bit and find some better weaknesses. It's too bad, because your character is really quite well written...

With regard,
Simonne Miller

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Youth is a gift of nature, but old age is a work of art
Simonne Miller
Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2008, 08:22:50 AM »

    First of all I would like to say thank you very much, Simonne, for your suggestions on balanceing out my character. I do believe that I have made a much more balanced character by detracting from both her weapons and strengths and adding to her weaknesses.
« Last Edit: November 12, 2008, 11:12:13 AM by Kybehri » Logged

Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Rookie Brownbark
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Brownie, Llaoihrr


« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2008, 08:47:25 PM »

Hey Kybehrii,

Just to reiterate what Simonne said - having no knowledge of something which the average peasant has no knowledge of is not a weakness.  So unfortunately your water magic, blunt weapons and armour weaknesses don't count, because the average peasant would be equally or even more vulnerable to these threats.

So, I'm going to change your post icon back to the pencil for now.

xxxxx

P.S. Also, please colour your changes
« Last Edit: November 12, 2008, 10:22:38 PM by Rookie Brownbark » Logged

Miés'efér Lytherá
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« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2008, 04:03:13 AM »

     Thank you, Rookie, for clearifying for me what needed to be done. I think I finally have at least the strengths and weaknesses done correcly.  Huh? The changes are in green!

Thanks,
Miés'efér
« Last Edit: November 13, 2008, 02:46:56 PM by Miés'efér Lytherá » Logged

Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #5 on: November 13, 2008, 02:28:02 PM »

   I was previously, and improperly named Kybẽhrii Burii Irrẽlariia, but as I am learning the many facinating depths of this world I will continue to improve my posts, and eventually "speak the language." :P
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Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2008, 07:55:15 AM »

Just wanted to move it back to the top, and keep it in focus.
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Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Mannix
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« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2008, 01:22:38 PM »

Hey Mifer. I'm gonna give you a Uri, so look for the orange.

Name:  Miés'efér Lytherá (loosely translates to "Poem of the Stars" in human dialect)

Gender:  Female

Age:  (Delete these extra spaces) 400

Race: Styreians (space) (elves)

Tribe:  Ak'váth'rhím & Tethinrhim

Occupation:   Kaierian Soldier

Title: Kaiér-kroín (Highly trained war warrior of the Kaierian Army)

Appearance:

Height : Two peds

Weight: One pygge and two Hebs (This is very nitpicky, but the capitalisation in this is irregular, if that makes sense. :P)

Hair color and style: Straight ruby red hair that usually hangs loosely down to the middle of her back.

Eyes:  Deep Hazel

Physical Description:
         In (Delete 2nd space) beauty and physical stature she most resembles her mother's Ak'váth'rhím tribe, in that she is very beautiful, and slim (I’d move the comma after ‘beautiful’ to here, but its your choice.) yet well formed.  Her ruby red hair ,<~~(Comma) as beautiful and radiant as the setting sun, deep hazel eyes, and modest beautiful nose give away her Father's Tethinrhim heritage. Sleek, slender, well formed, and ravishingly beautiful she appears the epitome of feminine frailty, but one small smile flashed your way, and you know that she is in no way weak or frail.  Her Ak'váth'rhím K-9’s (Hmm, I’m not to sure about this, could you find a word to substitute.) tell one that though she may be as beautiful as a Venus flytrap (Since Venus flytraps don’t exist in Santharia, at least not by that name, you’ll need to replace it. I’ll have a little search for you for an alternative, but I can’t make promises. Edit: I checked and found a vine called the Bethelatron, which is basically a venus flytrap. You can use this if you want, but it grows on the Island of R'unor, so technically she wouldn't know about it to make the comparison. But you still can. :)), she may (Delete 2nd space) be even more dangerous. Yet another sign of strength on her body can be found in the tattoos of Kaier signifying her as a Kaierian warrior all the way through the Kaiér-kroín level. (Now I know she would have quite a few tattoos, but could you give us a description of them. If not each individual one, at least a general theme to them would be nice. Check out this for some hint on tattoos.) Kind thoughtful eyes and unreadable calmness accentuate her elven face in a way that inspires loyalty in all who serve under her command. Indeed it may be said that she much resembles the fabled Avásh'aelía, Bone Queen of the near perished city of Fá'áv'cál'âr.

Clothing:
   Miés’efér (Again, me being nitpicky, your indent is different to before.)  wears the traditional garb of the female Kaierian warriors: leather to cover the breasts and a short skirt in every day life, and leather armor, green face paint and Vieors during times of formality and or battle.  Vieors consist of a necktie and an armband. (Could you describe these a bit. Even just its colours would help.) At all times she wears high flexible boots that serve as appropriate wear for all occasions. Though not a huge fan of jewelry she wears a necklace consisting of a white gold chain suspending a small golden flower embedded with red diamonds at a level just above the breasts. This necklace once belonged to her mother, so she is very fond of this particular piece of jewelry.

Personality:
A natural leader, Miés’efér is calm, introspective yet out spoken, confident, diligent, and understanding.  She has an ability to silence a room full of naysayers, and inspire an army of scared children with a few well placed words.  Her calm demeanor makes her a great commander in the battle field as often times such calamity as that found in war becomes advantages when corralled by a calm and competent leader. 

These skills that make her a great leader carry well into daily life as well.  With her kind and honest actions she creates business relationships that are productive for both parties, and creates many new friendships every day.

Unlike the majority of her elven counterparts she is very interested in the goings on of humans, and she therefore has ties to humans throughout the kingdom.  The mythical Ar’leiná is her hero.  In fact one could say that she is a disciple of this ancient elven hero.  It is her belief that all elves should follow the lead of Ar’leiná, and go out into the world to learn of the other peoples and their cultures.  Miés’efér finds the self-righteousness and stubbornness of her people to be both very distasteful and self-defeating. She can oft be found preaching the value of understanding and acceptance to all that will listen to her ranting.

For all of her passion for, and understanding of, life, she still feels very empty, as if she is missing something.  Many of the elves who would be her age had begun to achieve their life time goals, and will soon be accepting their deaths and returning to the earth in peace.  Miés’efér can find no such acceptance and or peace, and so often wonders if she ever will.  Not doing so yet, and having only 150 years out of her originally allotted maximum life of 550 left she is beginning to fear death as if she were human.

History:
Alẽzerii Lytherá of the Tethinrhim tribe, and Torriẽl (Delete 2nd space) Burii of the Ak'váth'rhím, gave birth to a daughter who they named Miés’efér Lytherá in the Auturian Woods (Delete space), and due to irregular complications Torriẽl died during labor.

Growing up without a mother was very difficult for this young elf, for even though her father loved her very much, and was very kind, he did not understand the sometimes frail emotional being that a young girl can sometimes be.  She was therefore forced to shut away these emotions, and even in her elder years could never appropriately communicate complicated emotions such as love, anger, or sadness.  The heritage given to her by her mother of being half dark elf often times led to discrimination by the young wood-elves of the Auturian Woods.

Miés’efér grew up wanting to, as her father did, become a Kaierian warrior.  This was a matter of great debate amongst the Tethinrhim tribe, as a half-blooded dark elf had never been accepted in to this prestigious group of warriors. (Just to be safe, I wouldn’t put this in. If someone over on the developer side decides to create a half-blood who became a Kaier, for example, then this would be untrue. It says in the entry only one parent must be Tethinrhim, so I’m guessing this has happened before.)  It was decided however, that due to the respectful one-time status of her father as Rónn, she would be permitted to enter. It was during this debate of her future that she first learned that her father was once the Rónn, and that due to his undesirable relationship with her mother he was replaced by an Avár'Soórn by the name of Thardor. From that point forward Miés’efér held no undue reverence for someone just because they were a ruler, and refused to believe that birthright was the appropriate way to choose a successor to the throne of any land.

At this time Miés’efér decided she needed to know something about her mother, and after much interrogation her father finally agreed to indulge her interest.  Her mother, she learned, was blessed with a logical mind and kind heart.  To Torriẽl the self-love and the hatred of others that was rampant through out her tribe was very appalling.  She was a very beautiful lady, and this gave her much respect through out the dark elves of this tribe, but she wanted none of it.  When a rich noble attempted to force her to marry him in order to improve his own status, she jumped ship on (Delete 2nd space) a trading ship from Lorehaven Port, and sailed back with the kind captain of this ship to his homeland in Manthria. (Hmm, I’m too sure about this. Why would a ship from Santharia be trading with Northern ‘barbarians’?) When landed she thanked the captain for his kindness and set out to find a job. (Did she pay for this trip? If not, I doubt he would be so kind and let her leave so easily.)  Finding it very difficult to find a job as a dark elf she was forced to beg for food, and huddle around the fires of the homeless.  That is, until she met the handsome young wood-elf by the name of Alẽzerii.  Astounded by her beauty, and later even more astounded by her intelligence he took her as a wife, and the rest was history.

Though quite disgusted by her father's vanity in calling himself "a handsome young elf", she was for the first time very proud of her mother's heritage, and found that though she never knew her mother she still loved and missed her very much. Never again did the half-blood heritage embarrass her.  More importantly to her was the beautiful white gold cahined (???) golden flower necklace embedded with rubies that her father gave her, and told her had belonged to Torriẽl.  She now had at least a little piece of the mother she never knew! 

At the appropriate age of 30 she was accepted into the order as a Cáo-króin, or Child Warrior.  Though it usually takes a young elf three years to advance to the next level, Miés’efér mastered the knowledge of plant life, animal life, and the simpler moves of Iteh within a year and a half, and therefore was granted early advancement into Tethin-króin, or Youth Warrior status. (I don’t think she would have advances so quickly. Elves take time when they learn to ensure they know more that what is needed. For example, a human may learn that an herb cures headaches, but an elf would learn as much as possible about this herb. So because of this, I believe she would have stayed as a child warrior for a bit longer. Feel free to disagree with me though; I’m definitely no elf expert.)

Again, she quickly mastered the necessary lessons of this status, and was therefore advanced to Asthár-króin, or Third Warrior status.  In the short three years it took for her to advance through the first two levels she mastered plant names, animal names, the acrobatic Iteh she had been taught, hand to hand combat, and a history of the land.  As such, she thought herself smart, and was taught her first lesson in humility. Her audacity had reached the point where she actually argued with an instructor, and in a culture such as this, one simply did not get away with disrespecting his or her elders.  The instructor was right of course, and even worse she was almost kicked out of the Kaierian clan for lack of discipline. 

Due to her actions she was not allowed advancement from the Third Warrior status until long after she had mastered all of the requirements to move on.  It was in fact not until the rest of her original peers caught up to her that she was allowed to move on to the class of Pharanhé-króin, or Traveling Warrior.

During the stage of Traveling Warrior she learned much about the world outside the wood-elven culture.  As a Traveling Warrior one must travel to a land and back to Ria. Miés’efér’s journey was short, but fraught with danger, as the land she traveled into was full of wood-elf hating humans. As a necessity for survival in this hostile land she learned many diplomatic skills that helped her to convince the humans of Marcogg that she was no enemy.  While in this land a war broke out between shadow elves and the humans. (Has this war actually happened in Santharian history? Because if it hasn’t, I doubt you could have this, as it would change history.)  The only escape for her was to first help the humans defeat their enemy, for even though the humans hated the elves, they had great respect for the Kaierian warriors.  Having no prior experience with real warfare she still led the humans to a quick and decisive victory using the battle tactics of her forefathers. She was then allowed to return to her homeland and was forever after an ally to the city of Marcogg.

Upon returning to Ria and sharing her experiences with the Avár'Soórn, she was advanced to the class of Zoúm-króin, or Home Warrior with an admonition to never again trifle with the affairs of humans.  By this time she was only 100 years old, and had already experienced her first war!  She felt that nothing could stand between her and her goals, but once again she found herself being humbled. When she was advanced to the next class, Krói-króin, or War Warrior, she found that there was indeed something she wasn't naturally better than everyone else at.  In this level the warriors are taught the advanced use of weapons such as swords, bows, coóran’lóhs, scourges, crossbows, and all other weapons of warfare.  The most prestigious of these weapons in the world of wood-elves is the bow, and Miés’efér found its advanced uses to be very difficult to master.  It took her twenty whole years to master its uses, and when she had done so she never again thought of herself as naturally better than anyone at anything. A long time passed before her peers quit jabbing her with jokes about not knowing how to use a bow. As if being half dark elf wasn't enough! 

As a master of weapons she was then allowed advancement to the class of Sýs'pharanhé-króin, or Second Traveling Warrior.  By this time she was at the age of 170 and had become a very respectable person in the Tethinrhim culture. For her second journey she traveled to Fá'áv'cál'âr, and discovered that there were still shadow elves living in this ghost of a city, and gained a new respect for the refusal of these elves to give up their lands and culture.

At the unusually young age of 200 she was given the final advancement to Kaiér-kroín, or Highly Trained War Warrior class, and was accepted in the Kaierian warriors as a full member.

Through (Delete space) out the next 200 years she was a part of many successful campaigns against the invasion of the Tethinrhim people, and this time was marred by only one occasion.  At the age of 284 she was sent on a mission as a spy to the humans of Enthronia.  While carrying out this simple mission she suffered a terrible fall from atop a high tree.  When she regained consciousness afterwards she found herself crippled and trapped in a healing room for three months.  The Elven Healers worked hard on her, but as this injury was a spinal injury, there was little even they could do.  Had she been human she would have likely been crippled for life, but thank Avá she was an elf, and thus eventually regained the ability to walk, and eventually do all that she was prior capable of doing, but never again did she have the endurance that she once possessed.  Indeed she could fight a battle or even two or three, but a day of battling would render her crippled (Delete space) , and thus she would remain for up to several days.  As a result of many years of diligent work and physical therapy, she gradually got better, but even now, 116 years later, she is only a fragment of the physical being that she once was.  Through (Delete space) out the course of these two-hundred years, only one other thing of real consequence to her took place; her father was able to return to the earth when she was 321, and though she missed him dearly she was very happy that he was able to meet such a peaceful ending.

Though she is very beautiful she had very few relationships with the opposite sex over the course of her life, and none of those turned into something of a lasting nature.  Being a half-blood made it very difficult as many refused to even look at her as a prospect, for fear she would mar their public image. Miés’efér thought many times that this was all for the better, but that didn’t keep her from feeling very lonely at times.

(This is a very good history! :) I was quite nit-picky, but that was only because I needed to comment on something. :P Well done!)

Strengths and Weaknesses:
-As a Kaierian warrior she should be to some degree or another a woodsman, an accomplished fighter, a historian, a battle tactician, and an agile and acrobatic person, but because she hurried the process, and learned much but retained not so much, she is a master of only a few of these skills. (So is this a strength or weakness? Also, I doubt they would have let her advance if she wasn’t retaining the information.)

Strengths:
-Being the type of fighter that prefers quick and accurate attacks she trained much throughout the course of her years in training with the short sword, and is quite capable of defending herself against most foes with its use.

-Through the everyday routine practice of Iteh she is very fast, acrobatic, and agile.

-Having begun with a clear weakness in archery, she pushed herself very hard, and is now very proficient in the use of bows and arrows.

-Her heritage has given Miés’efér a very special gift; that is she has the elongated k-9 (Again, another word would be best.) teeth of her half Ak'váth'rhím heritage, giving her hand-to-hand combat capabilities a boost.

-Most importantly she is a calm person, and therefore; is able to think clearly no matter the stress levels of a given situation.

(Could you explain how these strengths help her?)

Weaknesses:
-Her greatest strength is sometimes her greatest weakness. Again, she is a very calm person, and though sometimes this particular attribute would seem a strength, there are times when fear is necessary for survival.  When one doesn't know when it's time to be scared results can often be bad.

-Though calm she is also foolish, often times thinking of her self as capable of defeating enemies much greater than she.

- Having had no mother figure, and also having been raised a Kaierian warrior, she is in many ways emotionally inept. It is not really that she has no emotion, but rather that she has a very hard time expressing that emotion in a productive way.  In other words she bottles her emotions up, and is prone to outbursts in times and towards people that don't warrant such reactions.

-Due to her near death experience caused by falling out of a tree she is prone to crippling back spasms that often occur at the most inopportune times.  As far as she and the healers can tell these are not caused by specific actions, but rather combinations of actions and strain over extended periods of time.

-As another result of her accident she has a nigh uncontrollable fear of heights.  Even the smaller trees climbed by the children of Tethinrhim, cause her to break out in a cold sweat.

-  Perhaps her another of her greatest weaknesses is that she spent very little of her time as a Kaierian trainee studying the woods, and is therefore even less capable than many humans at tracking people and animals through it, making her quite dependent on others for food. (Again, I don’t think they would let her advance unless she had truly mastered something. It just isn’t the elven way.)

-Especially for an elf she is lacking in brute physical strength, and though she is very fast this can obviously be a severe disadvantage in hand to hand combat.  This also renders her incapable of wielding many heavy weapons with any proficiency.

-She often chooses to wear little or no armor in battle, and is therefore very susceptible to being injured badly if she is hit throughout its course.

(Some of her weaknesses need explaining. How do they hinder her?)

Weapons:
-   A coóran’lóh in each boot. (When the boots are tapped together in a specific way blades pop out of the toe of the boots)
-   A shortsword strapped at her waist
-   A long bow made of ivory (I don’t think we have ivory in Santharia. I remember it being mentioned on the dev board, so I’ll go have a search for you. Edit: It is on site already, and in new entries, so I guess you can have it.), and arrows of orc bones (Where would she get orc bones? They live in northern Sarvonia.), strapped across her back.

Belongings:
-Sack of gold coins
-Her mother's white gold, and red diamond necklace.

As a Kaierian warrior she has little need of many belongings aside from weapons, and an even smaller need of work creatures such as horses. (So no bedding, or extra clothing? You don’t have to have it, I was just reminding you in case.)

Well done Mifer! This is a good CD, especially for a first attempt. It will need checking by someone who knows elves better than I do, but from what I can see, it is very good. I did notice that you have used doubles spaces after full stops, and I do too, but on this site we'd prefer it if you used one space. Thanks and good luck.

Mannix
« Last Edit: November 15, 2008, 01:50:30 PM by Mannix » Logged

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Mannix Vaelos ~ Character Creation Help ~ FAQs ~ Restrictions
Miés'efér Lytherá
Kaiér-kroín
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Gender: Male
Posts: 47


Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2008, 05:21:04 AM »

     Thank you, Mannix, for both your edits, and your words of encouragment.   grin I believe I have made all of the changes you suggested, and the new changes are in the color of blue.  I hope my character will soon be on her way! ;)
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Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Nox Echiiscuan
Macabre Marionette
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Human, Kasumarii


« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2008, 07:43:55 AM »

Hello. I'm just going to take a look through of your CD for you.
All of my comments will be made fierce in fuchsia.


Name:  Miés'efér Lytherá (loosely translates to "Poem of the Stars" in human dialect)

Gender: Female

Age: 400

Race: Styreians(elves)

Tribe: Ak'váth'rhím & Tethinrhim

Occupation: Kaierian Soldier

Title: Kaiér-kroín (Highly trained war warrior of the Kaierian Army)

Appearance:

Height : Two peds

Weight: One pygge and two hebs

Hair color and style: Straight ruby red hair that usually hangs loosely down to the middle of her back.

Eyes:  Deep Hazel

Physical Description:
In  <-remove extra space.)beauty and physical stature she most resembles her mother's Ak'váth'rhím tribe, in that she is very beautiful,<-remove comma.) and slim yet well formed.  Her ruby red hair, as beautiful and radiant as the setting sun, deep hazel eyes,<-remove comma.) and modest beautiful nose give away her Father's Tethinrhim heritage. Sleek, slender, well formed, and ravishingly beautiful she appears the epitome of feminine frailty, but one small smile flashed your way, and you know that she is in no way weak or frail.
(Break it into a second paragraph here.)
Her elongated two upper Ak'váth'rhím teeth tell one that<-comma.) though she may be as beautiful as a Bethelatron, she may be even more dangerous. Yet another sign of strength on her body can be found in the tattoos of Kaier<-comma.) signifying her as a Kaierian warrior all the way through the Kaiér-kroín level. The first tattoo one notices is the odd tattoo given to all young children of the Kaier, which consists of the Eye of Avá and a Tethinrhim symbol which represents her soul name, and with each child the soul name is obviously different.<-This is a run-on sentence. I suggest you break it up into two sentences.)  The other tattoos are tribal tattoos that mark advancement through out the ranks of Kaierian warriors, and to a foreigners eyes they appear to be nothing more than a bunch of tribal mumbo-jumbo. [[Kind thoughtful eyes and unreadable calmness accentuate her elven face in a way that inspires loyalty in all who serve under her command. Indeed it may be said that she much resembles the fabled Avásh'aelía, Bone Queen of the near perished city of Fá'áv'cál'âr.]] <-Everything between the brackets should be moved up onto the end of the first paragraph, as it doesn't make sense here.)

In your appearance section, you state that she appears to be the "epitome of feminine frailty". Which, mind you, isn't quite possible with all of the training that she has gone through to be a warrior. Noticeable muscle definition would be found throughout her body. She would be toned, unless there was a layer of fat to conceal it- which is something that you seem to be avoiding (fat, I mean). One of her weapons, that she is particularly good with, is the bow. Pulling the string back on a bow is not an easy task. Her other weapon is a short sword. Her arms, shoulders, chest, back, and stomach- basically her entire upper body would gain a pretty full workout from learning to use both of these weapons to a point where she was good with them. Both of your chosen weapons require upper body strength that would show physically. Mind you, it wouldn't be mad upper body strength where she would look the part of some kind of brute, but she would surely not look to be the "epitome of feminine frailty", as you stated above.

Also, you never really described her body all that much. Does she have narrow shoulders? Amble breasts? Narrow or wide hips? Long legs? Long arms? Short and stubby or long and thin fingers? Tiny or sturdy wrists? There is plenty that you have still left unsaid here.


Clothing:
Miés’efér wears the traditional garb of the female Kaierian warriors: leather to cover the breasts and a short skirt in every day life, and leather armor, green face paint and Vieors during times of formality and or battle.<-Break this sentence up into two sentences after the colon. First sentence describing her every day wear, the second sentence describing, more thoroughly (as we can't really be sure what you mean by "leather armor" unless you actually describe it), her formal and/or battle attire.)  Vieors consist of a green and brown necktie and an armband. At all times she wears high flexible boots that serve as appropriate wear for all occasions. Though not a huge fan of jewelry<-comma.) she wears a necklace consisting of a white gold chain suspending a small golden flower embedded with red diamonds at a level just above the breasts. This necklace once belonged to her mother, so she is very fond of this particular piece of jewelry.

Personality:
A natural leader, Miés’efér is calm, introspective yet out spoken, confident, diligent, and understanding.  She has an ability to silence a room full of naysayers, and inspire an army of scared children with a few well placed words.  Her calm demeanor makes her a great commander in the battle field as often times such calamity as that found in war becomes advantages when corralled by a calm and competent leader.

These skills that make her a great leader carry well into daily life as well.  With her kind and honest actions<-comma.) she creates business relationships that are productive for both parties, and creates many new friendships every day.

Unlike the majority of her elven counterparts<-comma.) she is very interested in the goings on of humans, and she therefore has ties to humans throughout the kingdom.  The mythical Ar’leiná is her hero.  In fact one could say that she is a disciple of this ancient elven hero.  It is her belief that all elves should follow the lead of Ar’leiná, and go out into the world to learn of the other peoples and their cultures.  Miés’efér finds the self-righteousness and stubbornness of her people to be both very distasteful and self-defeating. She can oft be found preaching the value of understanding and acceptance to all that will listen to her ranting.

For all of her passion for, and understanding of, life, she still feels very empty, as if she is missing something.  Many of the elves who would be her age had begun to achieve their life time goals, and will soon be accepting their deaths and returning to the earth in peace.<-Rephrase this, as it doesn't really make sense as it is.)  Miés’efér can find no such acceptance and<-remove 'and'.) or peace, and so often wonders if she ever will.  Not doing so yet, and having only 150 years out of her originally allotted maximum life of 550 left she is beginning to fear death as if she were human.

History:
Alẽzerii Lytherá of the Tethinrhim tribe, and Torriẽl Burii of the Ak'váth'rhím, gave birth to a daughter who they named Miés’efér Lytherá in the Auturian Woods,<-remove comma.) and<-comma.) due to irregular complications<-comma.) Torriẽl died during labor.

Growing up without a mother was very difficult for this young elf, for even though her father loved her very much, and was very kind, he did not understand the sometimes frail emotional being that a young girl can sometimes be.  She was therefore forced to shut away these emotions, and even in her elder years could never appropriately communicate complicated emotions such as love, anger, or sadness.  The heritage given to her by her mother of being half dark elf often times led to discrimination by the young wood-elves of the Auturian Woods.

Miés’efér grew up wanting to, as her father did, become a Kaierian warrior.  This was a matter of great debate amongst the Tethinrhim tribe, as a half-blooded dark elf had very rarely been accepted in to this prestigious group of warriors because of the harsh ways of the Drow.  It was decided however, that due to the respectful one-time status of her father as Rónn, she would be permitted to enter. It was during this debate of her future that she first learned that her father was once the Rónn, and that due to his undesirable relationship with her mother he was replaced by an Avár'Soórn by the name of Thardor. From that point forward Miés’efér held no undue reverence for someone just because they were a ruler, and refused to believe that birthright was the appropriate way to choose a successor to the throne of any land.

At this time Miés’efér decided she needed to know something about her mother,<-remove comma.) and<-comma.) after much interrogation<-comma.) her father finally agreed to indulge her interest.  Her mother, she learned, was blessed with a logical mind and kind heart.  To Torriẽl the self-love and the hatred of others that was rampant throughout her tribe was very appalling.  She was a very beautiful lady, and this gave her much respect throughout the dark elves of this tribe, but she wanted none of it.  When a rich noble attempted to force her to marry him in order to improve his own status, she jumped ship on  <-remove extra space.)a trading ship from Lorehaven Port that had been docked off the shore for maintenance, and sailed back with the kind captain of this ship to his homeland in Manthria. When landed she thanked the captain for his kindness, paid him in gold, and set out to find a job.  Finding it very difficult to find a job as a dark elf<-comma.) her gold supply quickly ran out. She was forced to beg for food, and huddle around the fires of the homeless.  That is, until she met the handsome young wood-elf by the name of Alẽzerii.  Astounded by her beauty, and later even more astounded by her intelligence<-comma.) he took her as a wife, and the rest was history.

Though quite disgusted by her father's vanity in calling himself "a handsome young elf", she was for the first time very proud of her mother's heritage, and found that<-comma.) though she never knew her mother<-comma.) she still loved and missed her very much. Never again did the half-blood heritage embarrass her.  More importantly to her was the beautiful white gold chained golden flower necklace embedded with rubies<-Rephrase this half of this sentence, as it doesn't make sense. Thankyou.) that her father gave her, and told her had belonged to Torriẽl.  She now had at least a little piece of the mother she never knew! :)

At the appropriate age of 30 she was accepted into the order as a Cáo-króin, or Child Warrior.  Though it usually takes a young elf three years to advance to the next level, Miés’efér mastered the knowledge of plant life, animal life, and the simpler moves of Iteh within a year and a half, and therefore was granted early advancement into Tethin-króin, or Youth Warrior status.

Again, she quickly mastered the necessary lessons of this status, and was therefore advanced to Asthár-króin, or Third Warrior status.  In the short three years it took for her to advance through the first two levels she mastered plant names, animal names, the acrobatic Iteh she had been taught, hand to hand combat, and a history of the land.  As such, she thought herself smart, and was taught her first lesson in humility. Her audacity had reached the point where she actually argued with an instructor, and in a culture such as this, one simply did not get away with disrespecting his or her elders.  The instructor was right of course, and even worse she was almost kicked out of the Kaierian clan for lack of discipline.

Due to her actions<-comma.) she was not allowed advancement from the Third Warrior status until long after she had mastered all of the requirements to move on.  It was in fact not until the rest of her original peers caught up to her that she was allowed to move on to the class of Pharanhé-króin, or Traveling Warrior.

During the stage of Traveling Warrior she learned much about the world outside the wood-elven culture.  As a Traveling Warrior<-comma.) one must travel to a land and back to Ria. Miés’efér’s journey was short, but fraught with danger, as the land she traveled into was full of wood-elf hating humans. As a necessity for survival in this hostile land<-comma.) she learned many diplomatic skills that helped her to convince the humans of Marcogg that she was no enemy.  While in this land a little tussle (not really worthy of mentioning in history) broke out between Marcogg and Farhanul humans.  The only escape for her was to first help the humans of Marcogg defeat their enemy, for even though the humans hated the elves, they had great respect for the Kaierian warriors.  Having no prior experience with real warfare, she decided to help in a diplomatic way, and though there ended up being no physical warfare, she still led the humans to a quick and decisive victory in which they settled all of their differences. She was then allowed to return to her homeland and was forever after an ally to the city of Marcogg.<-I am not so sure about this, so I will leave it for another to take a look at later.)

Upon returning to Ria and sharing her experiences with the Avár'Soórn, she was advanced to the class of Zoúm-króin, or Home Warrior with an admonition to never again trifle with the affairs of humans.  By this time she was only 100 years old, and had already experienced her first war!<-All wars are worth mentioning in history, so you specifically said that it was a "tussle" not worth mentioning in history. Therefore, she hasn't experienced her first war...)  She felt that nothing could stand between her and her goals, but once again she found herself being humbled. When she was advanced to the next class, Krói-króin, or War Warrior, she found that there was indeed something she wasn't naturally better than everyone else at.  In this level the warriors are taught the advanced use of weapons such as<-semicolon.) swords, bows, coóran’lóhs, scourges, crossbows, and all other weapons of warfare.  The most prestigious of these weapons in the world of wood-elves is the bow, and Miés’efér found its advanced uses to be very difficult to master.  It took her twenty whole years to master its uses, and when she had done so she never again thought of herself as naturally better than anyone at anything. A long time passed before her peers quit jabbing her with jokes about not knowing how to use a bow. As if being half dark elf wasn't enough! :D

As a master of weapons she was then allowed advancement to the class of Sýs'pharanhé-króin, or Second Traveling Warrior.  By this time she was at the age of 170 and had become a very respectable person in the Tethinrhim culture. For her second journey she traveled to Fá'áv'cál'âr, and discovered that there were still shadow elves living in this ghost of a city, and gained a new respect for the refusal of these elves to give up their lands and culture.

At the unusually young age of 200 she was given the final advancement to Kaiér-kroín, or Highly Trained War Warrior class, and was accepted in the Kaierian warriors as a full member.

Through out the next 200 years<-comma.) she was a part of many successful campaigns against the invasion of the Tethinrhim people, and this time was marred by only one occasion.  At the age of 284 she was sent on a mission as a spy to the humans of Enthronia.  While carrying out this simple mission<-comma.) she suffered a terrible fall from atop a high tree.  When she regained consciousness afterwards<-comma.) she found herself crippled and trapped in a healing room for three months.  The Elven Healers worked hard on her, but as this injury was a spinal injury, there was little even they could do.  Had she been human she would have likely been crippled for life, but thank Avá she was an elf, and thus eventually regained the ability to walk, and eventually do all that she was prior capable of doing, but never again did she have the endurance that she once possessed.<-This is a run-on sentence. I suggest breaking it up into at least two separate sentences.)  Indeed she could fight a battle<-comma.) or even two or three, but a day of battling would render her crippled, and thus she would remain for up to several days.  As a result of many years of diligent work and physical therapy, she gradually got better, but even now, 116 years later, she is only a fragment of the physical being that she once was.  Throughout the course of these two-hundred years, only one other thing of real consequence to her took place; her father was able to return to the earth when she was 321, and though she missed him dearly she was very happy that he was able to meet such a peaceful ending.

Though she is very beautiful<-comma.) she had very few relationships with the opposite sex over the course of her life, and none of those turned into something of a lasting nature.  Being a half-blood made it very difficult as many refused to even look at her as a prospect, for fear she would mar their public image. Miés’efér thought many times that this was all for the better, but that didn’t keep her from feeling very lonely at times.
.

Strengths:
-Being the type of fighter that prefers quick and accurate attacks<-comma.) she trained much throughout the course of her years in training with the short sword, and is quite capable of defending herself against most foes with its use.

-Through the everyday routine practice of Iteh she is very fast, acrobatic and agile, which makes every action from daily life to warfare easier for her body to handle.

-Having begun with a clear weakness in archery, she pushed herself very hard, and is now very proficient in the use of bows and arrows.  This<-comma.) of course<-comma.) helps her to harvest animals for food when necessary, and also allows her to fight at long range.

-Her heritage has given Miés’efér a very special gift; that is she has the elongated two teeth of her half Ak'váth'rhím heritage, giving her hand-to-hand combat capabilities a boost.

-Most importantly she is a calm person, and therefore; is able to think clearly no matter the stress levels of a given situation.  This is especially important in times of battle, as often times the only advantage she finds herself having is her wits.


Weaknesses:
-Her greatest strength is sometimes her greatest weakness. Again, she is a very calm person, and though sometimes this particular attribute would seem a strength, there are times when fear is necessary for survival.  When one doesn't know when it's time to be scared results can often be bad.

-Though calm she is also foolish, often times thinking of her self as capable of defeating enemies much greater than she.  (This is an obvious disadvantage, as attacking people obviously greater than you could lead to a terribly short life.)

- Having had no mother figure, and also having been raised a Kaierian warrior, she is in many ways emotionally inept. It is not really that she has no emotion, but rather that she has a very hard time expressing that emotion in a productive way.  In other words she bottles her emotions up, and is prone to outbursts in times and towards people that don't warrant such reactions.

-Due to her near death experience caused by falling out of a tree she is prone to crippling back spasms that often occur at the most inopportune times.  As far as she and the healers can tell these are not caused by specific actions, but rather the combination of actions and strain over extended periods of time.

-As another result of her accident<-comma.) she has a nigh uncontrollable fear of heights.  Even the smaller trees<-comma.) climbed by the children of Tethinrhim, cause her to break out in a cold sweat.  This of course renders her useless as a spy in many cases, and has in turn lowered her standing amid the other warriors.

-Especially for an elf<-comma.) she is lacking in brute physical strength, and though she is very fast this can obviously be a severe disadvantage in hand to hand combat.  This also renders her incapable of wielding many heavy weapons with any proficiency.  If she so chose to, she would also have a hard time finding a job as a physical laborer.

-She often chooses to wear little or no armor in battle, and is therefore very susceptible to being injured badly if she is hit throughout its course.  Though she is quick, she is not omniscient, and therefore; she can not allows know where the attack is coming from, and thus, she can not always avoid it. <-Not wearing armor is not a weakness, and neither is not being omniscient. So this weakness needs to be completely removed.)


Weapons:
-   A coóran’lóh in each boot. (when the boots are tapped together in a specific way blades pop out of the toe of the boots.<-parenthesis.)
-   A short(space)sword strapped at her waist
-   A long bow made of ivory, and arrows of the hard wood of the Auturian Forest, strapped across her back.

Belongings:
-Sack of gold coins
-Her mother's white gold, and red diamond necklace.

As a Kaierian warrior she has little need of many belongings aside from weapons, and an even smaller need of work creatures such as horses.



Overall, this is a pretty good CD. There is still plenty of work to be done in it. Once you fix everything I have pointed out, I'll give you another look through to see whether or not you are ready for an approval. Also, be sure to color ALL of your changes. I am going to change your icon to the pencil, you can change it back to the "Comments Welcomed" icon once you have incorporated all of my comments.

Bobspeed,
heart ~ Nox ~ heart
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Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2008, 03:57:00 AM »

   Thank you very much for your help, Nox.   I do believe that I have incorporated all of the changes you pointed out, and the changes are in orange.  I hope I didn't miss anything!  :P
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Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #11 on: November 21, 2008, 05:33:50 AM »

  Hello everyone, just letting you know that it's been a good four days since I recieved the last comment on my CD.  I'm not trying to be impatient, but I am hoping to continue on in my progress.  I have intergrated all suggestions given me to the best of my ability, and I hope I've done well enough. ;)

Thanks,
Mifer
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Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Seh'nara Celebrindal
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #12 on: November 22, 2008, 02:34:46 AM »

Hello Milfer, and I'm going to be commenting on your S&Ws. Firstly, I need to echo Simonne's and Rookie's words. You are seriously Unbalanced, with a capital U. Moving on.

Strengths:
-Being the type of fighter that prefers quick and accurate attacks, she trained much throughout the course of her years in training with the short sword, and is quite capable of defending herself against most foes with its use.

-Through the everyday routine practice of Iteh she is very fast, acrobatic and agile, which makes every action from daily life to warfare easier for her body to handle. (Little nitpick- bring acrobatic or agile doesn't help your body become accustomed to things; it's more of fitness.)

-Having begun with a clear weakness in archery, she pushed herself very hard, and is now very proficient in the use of bows and arrows.  This, of course, helps her to harvest (hunt) animals for food when necessary, and also allows her to fight at long range.

-Her heritage has given Miés’efér a very special gift; that is she has the elongated two teeth of her half Ak'váth'rhím heritage, giving her hand-to-hand combat capabilities a boost. (I've read and re-read the entry, and nowhere does it say that so long as you have the teeth, you magically are more talented in hand to hand. No matter what, you need the training, and I'm pretty sure you don't have any hand to hand training.)

-Most importantly she is a calm person, and therefore; is able to think clearly no matter the stress levels of a given situation.  This is especially important in times of battle, as often times the only advantage she finds herself having is her wits. (Please - no absolutes. No matter how calm you can be, there's bound to be some time when you aren't calm at all. For example, your fear of heights - you say you break out in cold sweat. If you're near trees, and you freak, how can you be calm if you're on them?)

(I notice that you have many strengths in your history that you don't mention. You're a "natural leader", and you're intelligent as well. Heck, you gotta be - you learn twice as quick as people your own age. You also have what I call the Silvertongue Syndrome - your charisma is through the roof. Too much to be believable. Tone those down. It'd be nice if you also listed all your weapon skills. Even if you're not a master, you still have a skill, and that's way more than a normal peasant has.)

Weaknesses:
-Her greatest strength is sometimes her greatest weakness. Again, she is a very calm person, and though sometimes this particular attribute would seem a strength, there are times when fear is necessary for survival.  When one doesn't know when it's time to be scared results can often be bad. (This doesn't make sense. Fear rarely is necessary for survival. What you need is common sense. From the looks of it, you have plenty of that.)

-Though calm she is also foolish, often times thinking of her self as capable of defeating enemies much greater than she.  (This is an obvious disadvantage, as attacking people obviously greater than you could lead to a terribly short life.) (This is more of arrogance than anything. Very frankly, I'm not sure if your example works. With your skills and training, it seems that you won't lose easy. Could I have an example of how this weakened you in the past?)

- Having had no mother figure, and also having been raised a Kaierian warrior, she is in many ways emotionally inept. It is not really that she has no emotion, but rather that she has a very hard time expressing that emotion in a productive way.  In other words she bottles her emotions up, and is prone to outbursts in times and towards people that don't warrant such reactions.

-Due to her near death experience caused by falling out of a tree she is prone to crippling back spasms that often occur at the most inopportune times.  As far as she and the healers can tell these are not caused by specific actions, but rather the combinations of actions and strain over extended periods of time.

-As another result of her accident she has a nigh uncontrollable fear of heights.  Even the smaller trees climbed by the children of Tethinrhim, cause her to break out in a cold sweat.  This of course renders her useless as a spy in many cases, and has in turn lowered her standing amidst the other warriors.

-Especially for an elf, she is lacking in brute physical strength, and though she is very fast this can obviously be a severe disadvantage in hand to hand combats.  This also renders her incapable of wielding many heavy weapons with any proficiency.  If she so chose to, she would also have a hard time finding a job as a physical laborer. (You don't need strength to win hand to hands. Your agility can let you doge. In the first place, I can't see any mention of hand to hand training in your history. The weapons point is moot because no peasant has any kind of proficiency in heavy weapons, no matter how strong they are. To end off, with all her skills, why be a menial labourer? I don't get it.)

Very honestly, your CD is pretty well written... except for the S&Ws. They're horribly unbalanced, and frankly, some really are too unbelievable. I'd suggest a complete rewrite and prioritising of your strengths. You're too strong, so more weaknesses should do the trick. Or you could tone down on your strengths.

Oh, and please use a standard colour for your rewrites. It's easier on the eyes for us mods. :)

Good luck!
Seh'nara
« Last Edit: November 22, 2008, 02:35:40 AM by Seh'nara Celebrindal » Logged

Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #13 on: November 22, 2008, 04:56:26 AM »

  Alright, since this is like the fourth time I've been told to fix my strengths and weaknesses, and I have seemed absolutly incapable of doing so, I took a look at my character as a whole and made quite a few changes.  It seems that as a Kaierian Warrior it is almost impossible to be a balanced character, but I've given it my best shot.  My character is now stupid, half-crippled, and only has the use of one arm.  Hopefully this is enough to make up for the countless strengths that come simply as a by-product of being a Kaierian Warrior. The new changes are in pinkgrin

Thanks Seh'nara,

Mifer

P.S. I hope it's easy enough on the eyes! ;)

« Last Edit: November 23, 2008, 11:18:12 AM by Miés'efér Lytherá » Logged

Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Miés'efér Lytherá
Kaiér-kroín
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Posts: 47


Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #14 on: November 26, 2008, 04:48:05 AM »

  It has been five days since I had a comment on this CD. I believe that I have done all that's been asked of me.  As an aspiring member of the development board I hope to contribute to the Santhworld Developement Program.  In order to do this I must first play through a chapter in the RPG.  I know everyone is really busy, and I am not trying to be impatient, but I do want to get on with the experience as soon as possible. :)

Mifer.
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Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
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