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Author Topic: Miés'efér Lytherá, Elf, Tethinrhim tribe, Kaiér-kroín  (Read 8419 times)
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Twén Arĺerwén
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« Reply #15 on: November 26, 2008, 07:15:04 AM »

Hello Miés'efér Lytherá and welcome to Santharia! Just a small issue I see here is the tribal combination you have chosen. If you read the first quote below it clearly shows the reclusive nature of the Ak'váth'rhím. How does an elf from a tribe that hasn't seen any other race in centuries come to have a child with an elf from a place they do not believe exists? Although possible some more explanation is going to be needed than what you have presented. (In quote 2)
Quote
Although the location of the Ak'váth'rhím is isolated (Kanapan Peninsula wastelands) and their dislike for other races and elves is some what forth coming, as it has been many centuries since any of the other races or their own has been seen. Ak'váth'rhím  believe that they are the only living things left of Caelereth. Waiting for the day when they are greeted again by Avá and then rewarded for their beauty.
Quote
Alẽzerii Lytherá of the Tethinrhim tribe, and Torriẽl Burii of the Ak'váth'rhím, gave birth to a daughter who they named Miés’efér Lytherá in the Auturian Woods, and due to irregular complications, Torriẽl died during labor.
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen
« Last Edit: November 26, 2008, 07:15:33 AM by Twén Arĺerwén » Logged

•ş•The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon, •ş•
•ş•ancient and full of death.•ş•
_.·´Ż) Twén Arĺerwén's CD(Ż`·._
Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #16 on: November 26, 2008, 07:55:13 AM »

 Thank you very much for the guidance, Twén Arĺerwén. I hope the following quote from my entry is enough to explain away her heritage:

"At this time Miés’efér decided she needed to know something about her mother, and after much interrogation, her father finally agreed to indulge her interest.  Her mother, she learned, was blessed with a logical mind and kind heart.  To Torriẽl the self-love and the hatred of others to a point of denying their existance, that was rampant throughout her tribe was very appalling.  She was a very beautiful lady, and this gave her much respect throughout the dark elves of this tribe, but she wanted none of it.  When a rich and vile elf attempted to force her to marry him in order to improve his own status, she ran away. She jumped ship on a trading ship from Lorehaven Port that had been docked off the shore of Kanapan Peninsula for maintenance, and sailed back with the kind captain of this ship to his homeland in Manthria. The ship had travelled so far north in an attempt to get their hands on some obsidian rumored to be in the Forest of Contamar, but they had no success sailing through the Sea of Ice and were forced to turn around. In a stroke of luck for Torriẽl, a storm out to sea had destroyed their masts, and forced them to anchor off shore long enough to repair the tattered ship. When landed she thanked the captain for his kindness, paid him in gold, and set out to find a job.  Finding it very difficult to find a job as a dark elf, her gold supply quickly ran out. She was forced to beg for food, and huddle around the fires of the homeless.  That is, until she met the handsome young wood-elf by the name of Alẽzerii.  Astounded by her beauty, and later even more astounded by her intelligence, he took her as a wife, and the rest was history."

If this does not suffice, I will happily do what ever else it takes, even if it means changing her heritage completely. grin

Thanks,
Mifer
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Twén Arĺerwén
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« Reply #17 on: November 26, 2008, 09:32:29 AM »

 Ello again! I am going to address some of the inconsistencies you have above. My comments shall be in the ever-ugly color: Orange
Quote
To Torriẽl the self-love and the hatred of others to a point of denying their existance, that was rampant throughout her tribe was very appalling. The tribe as a whole truly considers themselves to be alone in the world. It is not denial of the other races, it is the fact they are that remote.
Quote
When a rich and vile elf attempted to force her to marry him in order to improve his own status, she ran away. This is a direct quote from the tribal entry: "Mating couples are often put together for their beauty. The male picks his female during a half yearly celebration. That female either accepts or rejects that male's proposal and then they either couple or move on to their next choice. This has many flaws in the plan, however they believe that this is just." Direct quote 2: "Each male and female enters in to the celebration at their own will. Couplings during the year, before the union celebration are frowned upon." She jumped ship on a trading ship from Lorehaven Port that had been docked off the shore of Kanapan Peninsula for maintenance, and sailed back with the kind captain of this ship to his homeland in Manthria. There would be no trading vessels, from anywhere, as they have no contact with the outside world.

I would recommend reading the tribal entry for the Ak'váth'rhím, as it seems I am reposting it here for you. As I mentioned above, this combination is possible, though extremely hard to explain. Also take note of the surrounding area for this tribe and you will find out why they are so isolated. In truth, it is some of the most inhospitable terrain on all of Caelereth.

If you have questions please ask them here and I will answer them as clearly as I can.
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen
« Last Edit: November 26, 2008, 09:49:48 AM by Twén Arĺerwén » Logged

•ş•The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon, •ş•
•ş•ancient and full of death.•ş•
_.·´Ż) Twén Arĺerwén's CD(Ż`·._
Miés'efér Lytherá
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« Reply #18 on: November 27, 2008, 04:19:45 AM »

I have now changed the above entry as such:

At this time Miés’efér decided she needed to know something about her mother, and after much interrogation, her father finally agreed to indulge her interest.  Her mother, she learned, was blessed with a logical mind and kind heart.  To Torriẽl the self-love that was rampant throughout her tribe was very appalling.  She was a very beautiful lady, and this gave her much respect throughout the dark elves of this tribe, but she wanted none of it. No longer capable of enduring the vanity of her people she decided to take a chance and run away. It had always been her belief that her tribe was very foolish to believe themselves the only peoples still in existence. Packing her clothing and meager savings in gold she set out. Traveling south she was near death when she was found by the servants of a Lord of the Careria Tribe. Luck had rolled her way. Had she fallen in to the hands of almost any other authority person with in the strict caste system that dominates these people she would have likely been enslaved. Instead, she was given a paying job with which she saved enough money to jump ship on a trading ship from Carmalad and travel with them to their homeport. When landed she thanked the captain for his kindness, paid him in gold, and set out to find a job.  Finding it very difficult to find a job as a dark elf, her gold supply quickly ran out. She was forced to beg for food, and huddle around the fires of the homeless. Eventually she decided to leave Carmalad, and found her way to Marcogg. It was there that she met the handsome young wood-elf by the name of Alẽzerii.  Astounded by her beauty, and later even more astounded by her intelligence, he took her as a wife, and the rest was history.

I hope this is a more understandable story of Torriẽl's departure.  Thank you again for your time.

Mifer

P.S.  If this isn't at least close to good enough, then I think I'll just change her heritage.
« Last Edit: November 27, 2008, 04:30:37 AM by Miés'efér Lytherá » Logged

Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Valyssa
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« Reply #19 on: November 27, 2008, 06:51:15 AM »

Quote
To Torriẽl the self-love that was rampant throughout her tribe was very appalling. Yeah it is common for people to be appalled at something they have in abundance. Something that rises them to the top of their religion and society. "I am going to be rich, powerful and respected. God I hate that!"

Then, since life only promises comfort, power and respect lets do this.
Quote
No longer capable of enduring the vanity of her people she decided to take a chance and run away. This of course makes sense. Run off towards a world she does not believes exists. This is not a human teenager, this is an elf that has been taught over centuries that nothing exists beyond where they are. But do forget that she is gifted with beauty, the one thing that grants her hope of going to (heaven) returning into the Dream.

I could see her mother possibly fleeing her homeland if she were horribly scarred or something. But a beautiful well sought after woman of this tribe just randomly fleeing because she didn't want power, wealth, respect and to be top tier of her society. Makes no sense.

This is like saying with a straight face. "Beyonce was so displeased with having talent in dance, voice and beauty she ran off into the jungles of Africa to get away from the horrible fate dealt her."
« Last Edit: November 27, 2008, 06:57:59 AM by Jenlýn LeBlanc » Logged
Miés'efér Lytherá
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« Reply #20 on: November 27, 2008, 06:57:42 AM »

  You know you're quite right, Jenlýn and Twén, I seem to be too incompetent to make this work. As such I will rid her of any Ak'váth'rhím heritage.  This should simplify things greatly.

Thanks,
Mifer

P.S. I don't think anything is lost overall by going this other route anyways.  Thank you both very much for your time, and I am sorry I wasn't able to inncorporate your suggestions. Maybe when I have a stronger hold on Santh, I will be able to make an idea like this one work, but until then I'll stick to this more simple idea.  :)
« Last Edit: November 27, 2008, 07:22:55 AM by Miés'efér Lytherá » Logged

Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Valyssa
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« Reply #21 on: November 27, 2008, 07:06:31 AM »

 No Mies'efer! My intent is not to dissuade you from making this character as is. You just have a few inconsistencies that make it hard to believe. Something accidentally driving her away is always possible and quite the eye-opener I am sure.

Just the fact that she is beautiful would hold her back from trying to leave. Add to this the religious implications and it gets more complex.

Ideas of Possibilities
1) She gets scarred in someway, and by scarred it wouldn't take much for this tribe to consider it a pitfall.
2) Accidentally wandering off, a storm on a boat and being blown off course ... ect, are all good ideas.
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Miés'efér Lytherá
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« Reply #22 on: November 27, 2008, 07:25:33 AM »

  Thank you, Jenlýn, but I've already been told that there would be no Ship there for any reason. Besides, I do think that as this is my first CD simpler is better. Thanks again for your time.

Mifer
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Twén Arĺerwén
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« Reply #23 on: November 27, 2008, 07:28:57 AM »

 No foreign ships Miés'efér.  :)
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•ş•The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon, •ş•
•ş•ancient and full of death.•ş•
_.·´Ż) Twén Arĺerwén's CD(Ż`·._
Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #24 on: November 27, 2008, 07:59:52 AM »

  Yes, no foriegn ships.  Anyways, as none of that is an issue anymore, do you think you could take a look at what I have now and see if you find any more issues.  My character has been through about a hundred changes, so I hope she'll soon be ready. Thank you for helping me figure out that it wasn't such a good idea to mix the two tribes. Sorry if I seemed a little impatient, but it was the same story w/ my strengs and weaknesses.  It took me a long time to finally get my CD balaced out, and I don't even know if she really is yet. Thanks again.  Thanks!

Mifer
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Twén Arĺerwén
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« Reply #25 on: November 30, 2008, 10:52:40 AM »

 Hiya Miés'efér! I have read the entire CD and everything appears to be in order except these two area.

Points of Note
1) -All one handed weapons are tools that she is quite capable of wielding, and thus she seldom finds herself in situations where she has nothing to use as a weapon. No one can be a Master of all one-handed weapons, as their number is in the thousands. Not counting there are probably a few thousand she has never even seen. The abundance of weapon skills you already have listed is plenty.
2) The Elven Healers worked hard on her, but as this injury was a spinal injury, there was little even they could do.  Had she been human, she would have likely been crippled for life, but thank Avá she was an elf, and thus eventually regained the ability to walk. Being an elf doesn't change her ability to heal and I don't see how it made any difference.

These small points are all I see, not far from an approval now.
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén:Twen Araerwen
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•ş•The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon, •ş•
•ş•ancient and full of death.•ş•
_.·´Ż) Twén Arĺerwén's CD(Ż`·._
Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #26 on: November 30, 2008, 11:14:53 AM »

Thank you very much. I will delete the ability to use all one-handed weapons. As for the other comment, I understand the following quote from THE ELVEN RACE (STYREIANS) entry in the Races Forum to be justification of my wording:
 "Of course elves may also die when they are wounded severely, but in general elves heal very fast when they are tended to quickly."

I could of course have read too much into this, and if you believe that is the case, then I will be happy to edit the entry accordingly. Otherwise, I'll leave that part as is. grin

Thank You Again,
Mifer
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Twén Arĺerwén
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« Reply #27 on: November 30, 2008, 11:36:11 AM »

My point is simply this, just because they heal faster does not mean better. Hence just because she is an elf didn't make the decision between walking or not. Just the time of recovery would have been affected.  devilish
« Last Edit: November 30, 2008, 11:37:48 AM by Twén Arĺerwén » Logged

•ş•The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon, •ş•
•ş•ancient and full of death.•ş•
_.·´Ż) Twén Arĺerwén's CD(Ż`·._
Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #28 on: November 30, 2008, 12:46:01 PM »

  Ok, thank you, and I will make the change.  hug

Mifer
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Poem of the Stars is my name, and I hope to reach Santharian fame.
Miés'efér Lytherá
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Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #29 on: December 02, 2008, 08:39:29 AM »

  All done, and ready for more comments!
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