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Author Topic: Valan/Scholar/Erpheronian  (Read 12198 times)
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #30 on: April 08, 2009, 03:08:09 AM »

How? Read! Knowledge will be your greatest tool here. Also, understanding how things fit together as whole with society. So, READ :)

@Talia: I simply meant how you seemed to come across (ie: how things were said, not what was said)
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« Reply #31 on: April 08, 2009, 03:49:30 AM »



My old problem, Kalina, I often don't know how to say what I want to say in a polite way..  would need not only a spellchecker but a 'politeness checker' as well ;)

Valan, just read my hints/comments and start thinking: How looks a medieval world, what do people know, what is possible, why would my merchant's son be interested in knowing more than his fellow siblings. Did he learn so quickly, that his teacher recognised his bright mind, or was he good at memorising things. Did he impress a nobleman who he accidentally met, in his father#s shop perhaps, who then decided to help him learn more, because he seemed so bright? Or make him the son of a lesser noble, ... there are so many possibilities outthere, you just need to find them :)
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #32 on: April 08, 2009, 04:31:09 AM »

New rewrite of the history. After double-checking the entry on Erpheronians it does mentioned that scholarly pursuits are indeed more reserved to the nobility and that members of the nobility are often merchants or traders of a sort.
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #33 on: April 09, 2009, 04:09:29 AM »

 buck <*Just realized he'd forgotten to change the posticon after the most recent round of edits...*
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Valan Nonesuch
Airyn
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« Reply #34 on: April 09, 2009, 09:45:11 PM »

Hi Valan!

I'm here with some comments for you to think about. My comments will be in pink.

            
Name: Valan Nonesuch
     
Gender: Male

Age: 43

Race: Human
 
Tribe: Erpheronian

Occupation: Scholar-for-Hire

Title: Collector of Lore


Overview
A short, owlish man with ruddy brown hair, a stick and a large coat with several dozen bulging pockets, Valan appears to be lost in thought much of the time.


Appearance
     
Height
1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan

Hair Colour
Ruddy brown, beginning to gray

Eye Colour
Brown

Physical Appearance
Valan is short and owlish. Of rather insignificant height, he possess a pair of dark bags under his eyes regardless of the amount of sleep he has recently managed, and a slight stoop, with lends to the illusion of being examined by an owl. His eyes are rather large, a dark brown in colour, and seem to blink uncommonly infrequently.

"Owlish" seems like an odd word to use when you are describing him. You have mentioned that he is short, but how does "owlish" describe his appearance? What are you trying to describe as "owlish?" Perhaps use a different adjective, or explain what you mean.

He walks with a limp and has little physical strength to speak of, owing to a lifetime spent in libraries and an overall slender build. He has a slight goatee, which grows and shortens depending on how much time he spends doing anything of particular interest, instead of remembering to shave.
Space
Valan's face is high and round and his nose is slightly crooked and hooked, one or the other < I don't think "one or the other" is the right term. Maybe "either of which?" often ends with ink or charcoal stains on it. His fingers and hands are thin and beginning to wrinkle, and the fingers on the right hand are often ink-stained to one degree or another.
 
Clothing
Valan's face is almost permanently topped by a brown hat with a pair of tufted feathers stuck into a brim on either side, a good, stout, brown cotton coat. It is waterproofed with oil, and bulges with pockets inside and out. This lends a rather unexpected weight to it.
Space
Valan prefers to wear dark brown or black clothing to avoid showing any ink stains. He is often poorly dressed for whatever occasion may present itself, since many of the types of clothing he prefers are workmanlike and easily repaired. Many of Valan's clothes are well patched around the wrists, ankle, elbows and knees, giving him more semblance to an impoverished farmer than to a scholar of any sort.

Personality
Valan is absent-minded in the extreme.< “in the extreme” sounds a little wrong. Perhaps “to the extreme?” or “Valan is extremely absent-minded?” He lacks a certain focus on what happens around him much of the time, only furthering his owlish appearance. When focusing on something interesting (say... books for instance) he becomes oddly intense as focused completely on whatever it is he is doing < This sounds a bit odd. It’s a bit hard to read. , much to the delight of others. Some find it amusing to frighten Valan while he is deep in concentration, including several colleagues of his (who shall remain nameless) <This part isn’t really necessary. If they are not mentioned in his history or have no significance elsewhere in your CD, then they don’t need to be named anyway.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths
Valan is a consummate polymath when it comes to intellectual pursuits. He knows quite a bit about history, geography (though directions when traveling continue to elude him.), lore and minor bits of philosophy. Much of Valan's knowledge is focused on the historical information of the obscure variety.

While not much of a teller of tales, Valan has collected quite a few folk-stories and legends, and enjoys hearing the differences in things like songs and tales as they change over distance. This is not quite strength, but more of a personality trait. How does this help him?

Because things like histories and similar are often more precise in their native languages, Valan has learned passable Styrash, though his speech leaves something to be desired.

Valan has an excellent memory for things like dates and other such things, including whatever arcane and obscure method of storing books the librarians at the Lorehold used, increasing his usefulness to those who attempted to find things among the massive colleciton.

Weaknesses
Valan has difficulty focusing on that which he does not find interesting. He might, for instance, trail off in the middle of a conversation if something catches his attention, or begin a completely different train of thought in the middle of an unfinished one, and his explanations can endure for hours.

Valan is not a strong person by any definition of the word, and actually finds most types of lifting exhaustive. His build is poorly suited to lifting anything heavier than a large book and Valan actively avoids having to move the same thing more than twice (once from the shelf, once back) if he can, which is sometimes mistaken for laziness.

Due to a variety of circumstances (involving horses, and other things that one would never find in a library) Valan walks with a limp in his right leg, and lives in mortal fear of most horses. This bothers him particularly badly in inclement weather and usually leads to a great deal of grumbling.

Valan has very little luck with things such as sea travel (which makes him violently ill despite whatever medicines he tries) coaches, horses(which he lives in fear of as a result of the incident which gave him his limp) and similar conveyances. His misfortunes with anything more complicated than foot-slogging are enough to form a rather long and distinguished list of failures.

Valan has a terrible sense of direction when it comes to being outdoors. In cities or things such as libraries, Valan has no problem, but something about the distinct lack of anything resembling a worked stone seems to throw him off balance and has even led to him confusing east and west. … I thought he had great geographical skills…

I haven’t got that much time left before I get kicked off the computer, so I can’t get to your history, but I do like what you have written so far. There were a few things I picked up, sorry for being so nitpicky by the way, but I really like your character. You are very descriptive and show so much effort when you can put your mind to it. Keep it up, I look forward to seeing your posts in one of the stories here.

Hope this gives you something to work with.

Good luck.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2009, 09:48:26 PM by Airyn » Logged

Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #35 on: April 10, 2009, 04:02:24 AM »

Geography is different from sense of direction. Valan can read and understand maps, but he couldn't find his way out of a sack.
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Valan Nonesuch
Airyn
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« Reply #36 on: April 10, 2009, 08:25:42 AM »

Okiedokie, my mistake. Sorry bout that  :)
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #37 on: April 10, 2009, 08:36:33 AM »

I should probably clear that up.
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Valan Nonesuch
Mannix
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« Reply #38 on: April 10, 2009, 06:35:42 PM »

Heya Valan.

I've just changed your posticon to the pencil while you integrate Airyn's comments. And also, owlish is a perfectly fine adjective so it is okay to use.

Mannix
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #39 on: April 11, 2009, 01:03:52 AM »

I think I've integrated the comments.
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Valan Nonesuch
Eléyr Fásamár
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« Reply #40 on: April 11, 2009, 10:03:02 AM »

Hey Valan, I just have a few teensy grammar issues I'd like you to fix up for me before you get your second approval.

Quote
Valan walks with a limp and a slight stoop, with<--which lends to the illusion of being examined by an owl.

Quote
Valan's eyebrows are large, tufted and just<--jut out slightly over the edge of his brow and his nose is slightly crooked and hooked...

Quote
..increasing his usefulness to those who attempted to find things among the massive colleciton.<--collection

So just promise to edit those real quick for me before you get your second approval, and I'll go ahead and give you mine now. ;)

~First Approval~
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #41 on: April 11, 2009, 11:44:50 AM »

It be done!
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Valan Nonesuch
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #42 on: April 11, 2009, 02:33:53 PM »

Go ahead and remove the color! Everything looks good to me, so once it is cleaned up, I will title and archive :D
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Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #43 on: April 11, 2009, 09:39:20 PM »

Hah! It be done!  Pet Pet
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Valan Nonesuch
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #44 on: April 11, 2009, 09:55:10 PM »

Titled and Archived!
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