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Author Topic: Eyimon Sorrosa/Epheronian/Knight  (Read 4449 times)
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
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High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #15 on: June 10, 2009, 01:29:35 AM »

And I am back! My Grammatical comments in red and general comments in green.

Quote
Name
Eyimon Sorossa

Gender
Male

Age
34

Race
Human

Tribe
Erpheronian

Occupation
Knight-Errant

Title
Shining Paragon

Appearance
Height
1 ped 2 fores 2 palmspans 1 nailsbredth

Hair Colour
Flaxen Blonde

Eye Colour
Light Blue

Physical Appearance
Eyimon is a tall man, strong of brow and square of chin. His hair is cut short to avoid being caught in anything, and he has an average, if well-muscled build, as he is required to wear armour and wield a sword. His body has several scars on the chest and arms, acquired in various pursuits, some simply the result of accidents. His face is slightly weathered and clean shaven. Eyimon's left eye is missing, though he places a glass eye in the socket. This eye is nowhere near a replica of Eyimon's own, and is little more than a placeholder with a blue centre.

Clothing
When not in armor, Eyimon dresses well, if slightly humbly. He avoids things like silks in favour of wool or cotton, always in white, and never embroidered. Eyimon’s armor is a well-made chain hauberk. He adds to this a breastplate, greaves and vambraces, all inscribed with runes in silver, prayers for peaceful ends to conflict, and polished to a gleam. Eyimon also wears a simple great helm with similar detailing. When wearing armour<comma> Eyimon also wears the Triest, the cloak of the White Knights. As required by his oaths, Eyimon wears a veil when appearing in public, along with a simple scarf sewn with prayers. When not wearing his glass eye<comma> (such as when travelling) Eyimon wears a simple grey eye patch with the snowflake of Grothar sewn on to it.

Quite the enjoyable read! I love you you integrated the clothing associated with your sect and path. Well done!

Personality
Eyimon oozes virtue from every facet of his personality. He is honest and humble to fault, possesses enough courage for two other men, is as loyal and respectful as a dog, and comports himself with the manner and rectitude befitting a gentleman. On the other hand, Eyimon can be incredibly naive, almost to the point of stupidity, when it comes to things like treachery and women. This is because of his somewhat sheltered monastic upbringing and he lacks experience with such things. Eyimon gets along well with children and animals. Duplicity and general human badness are causes for great diatribes with Eyimon, who is deeply saddened by such things.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths
Eyimon is a prodigious swordsman, well schooled in the use of the longsword, and familiar with some of it’s smaller variants, enough so to defend himself (if inelegantly) should a longsword not be at hand.

Eyimon exemplifies a rather large collection of virtues, including honesty and has acquired a reputation for being solid and dependable (if slightly wrong-headed) in noble circles.

Eyimon is a mildly skilled diplomat, schooled by the monks of the Order of the White Knights in word-fighting and intelligent discourse.

He is literate, though not to the degree of a scholar, and can count unaided, though anything more than the simplest of maths escape him. He can write, but novels are not to be expected.

Weaknesses
Eyimon’s faith in what he terms “the fundamental good of all living beings” and his virtuous nature leaves him slightly naïve to several matters, particularly of women and perhaps of the very concept of treachery.

Eyimon is quite foolhardy believing, in spite of or perhaps  as a result of proof to the contrary, that a knight armed with virtue and a sword can outface anything, leading him to do such things as charge into what is almost certainly an ambush, or confront a traitor in spite of a known trap. His philosophy involving things like underhandedness is amounts to “right wrongs first, worry about consequences later”.

Eyimon's right eye is missing, which leaves him with a blind spot on his right hand side and occasionally causes him to stumble into objects when he misjudges a distance. Eyimon also sees his lack of an eye as his greatest failure, and often shies away from the topic in conversation.

Very nice! A couple of his weaknesses I would love to see in action ;)

History
Eyimon Sorossa was the second-born son of three to a noble living in Astran. Their older brother<comma> having been raised to take over the affairs of his father, left little for the younger Sorossas to do except go into trade or take up the sword. Eyimon’s younger brother Normeros showed a solid head for numbers at an early age, and took to trade like a fish would to water.

The young Eyimon was adopted by the Order of the White Knights, his parents seeing little better for the boy<no comma> who showed no interest in commerce, and little head for numbers. The monks of the nearest monastery took the then 5-year-old Eyimon, and began training him to uphold the ideals and virtues of their order.

Eyimon was something of a romantic even at that age, and idolized the knights who went out into the world beyond the walls of the monastery and righted wrongs in the name of Eyasha. At the age of 15, Eyimon was inducted as an apprentice to the White Knights, and began learning diplomacy, peacekeeping and law.

Eyimon himself practiced the sword in preparation for his duties outside the walls of the monastery. Some of the monks thought the young apprentice something in the way of headstrong and misguided and held him a year, to make sure he would not do anything in haste which he might regret. Instead of the usual ten years as an apprentice, Eyimon found himself spending eleven. The day he was told he would not advance with the others into the order, Eyimon began polishing and sharpening a new sword. This sword, which had never tasted of another being’s blood became a symbol to Eyimon, and on the day he was made a full knight of the Order, he swore an oath never to draw it except to defend the weak.

Eyimon spent the better part of eight years travelling the land, ending disputes. At one point, he found himself called to settle the matter of a dispute over land between two minor nobles in Manthria. The one noble, claimed a section of forest that the other held was his. No records could be found of either noble having ever held any of the forest. During these negotiations, Eyimon was caught unaware and stabbed in the eye by the wife of one of the feuding noble. Her husband had originally tried to bribe the knight and the wife felt that things were not proceeding as they should have. Eyimon spent half a year recuperating after this incident, during which he was forced to become accustomed to missing vision.

Weapons
Eyimon carries a well honed bastard sword, with a pair of quillons a palmspan up the blade, and a well wrapped hilt. The sword itself lacks decoration, being little more than a functional way to defend its owner or another.

Belongings
Eyimon wears a round silver amulet depicting a dove and a banded ricau circling a six pointed snowflake, an emblem of his order, as well as a few changes of clothing, flint and tinder and other traveling gear in a well made pack.

Honestly, there is very little outside of grammar which I felt needing to point out. You certainly love your commas and leaving some words out here and there. You have my approval for the next level, but I would suggest giving this a read through to make sure it is solid grammatically. :)

~First Approval~
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Eyimon Sorossa
Shining Paragon
Approved Character
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Gender: Male
Posts: 79


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #16 on: June 10, 2009, 03:08:58 AM »

Thanks Kalina! Bunny emoticon for you!  Pet

The grammar issues are my one failing, and it's more likely than not a case of "It made sense in my head."

edit: I just realized I might have to go find a new avatar... bleh.
« Last Edit: June 10, 2009, 03:13:55 AM by Eyimon Sorossa » Logged

For ten years I have been polishing this sword;
Its frosty edge has never been put to the test.
Now I am holding it and showing it to you, sir:
Is there anyone suffering from injustice?
Morden Peshirgolz
The Mystic Voice
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Gender: Male
Posts: 493


Dwarf, Susilgerim Clan


« Reply #17 on: June 10, 2009, 11:50:17 PM »

Well, Eyimon, you have a very nice CD here, I enjoyed reading it. And so I give you a...

Second Approval!

There is one thing that you absolutely *must* do before you get titled, though! Somehow, by what form of witchcraft I do not know, your character remains completely weightless! This terrible curse must be lifted from with all due haste, so he doesn't float away in the first story he joins!

Seriously, though, please give him some reasonable weight, nothing fancy, and remove the coloring from your CD. With that done, Kali should give a title shortly. Congratulations!
Logged

Eyimon Sorossa
Shining Paragon
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 79


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #18 on: June 11, 2009, 03:09:30 AM »

I'll throw that in there then.

Edit: Both done!
« Last Edit: June 11, 2009, 03:29:52 AM by Eyimon Sorossa » Logged

For ten years I have been polishing this sword;
Its frosty edge has never been put to the test.
Now I am holding it and showing it to you, sir:
Is there anyone suffering from injustice?
Morden Peshirgolz
The Mystic Voice
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 493


Dwarf, Susilgerim Clan


« Reply #19 on: June 11, 2009, 10:26:10 AM »

Hey Eyimon, I saw your shout, and I realized I had made a mistake. After giving you your second approval, I forgot to change the posticon for this thread.

So that's why Kalina hasn't been by yet, most likely. Now that I've fixed things, it shouldn't be too long. Please accept my apology for my thoughtless error.
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Eyimon Sorossa
Shining Paragon
Approved Character
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Gender: Male
Posts: 79


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #20 on: June 11, 2009, 10:27:14 AM »

I didn't notice that myself Morden, so I figure we're both at fault.
Logged

For ten years I have been polishing this sword;
Its frosty edge has never been put to the test.
Now I am holding it and showing it to you, sir:
Is there anyone suffering from injustice?
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
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Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #21 on: June 11, 2009, 11:02:47 AM »

Alrighty! Sorry about that, Eyi. Titled and Archived!
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
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