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Author Topic: Kainin "Fidget" Morreal /Erpheronian/Sneak thief  (Read 6584 times)
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Fidget
Acquirer of Fine Curios
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Posts: 127


Human, Erpheronian


« on: May 17, 2009, 06:06:16 AM »

Name: Kainin “Fidget” Morreal
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Race: Human
Tribe: Erpheronian
Occupation: Sneak Thief
Title: Acquirer of Fine Curios
   
Overview:  
   “It’s not that I don’t believe in propriety, but why should you have so much stuff when I have better uses for it.” This is the basic rule of life for this small Erpheronian thief. While possessing an affable demeanor, his first priority will always be Fidget.


Appearance:
Height: 1 ped 2 fores 1 palmspan
Weight: 1 pygge 2 hebs and an od shy of a hafeb
Hair: Shoulder length Aeruillin red
Eyes: Barsa Dusk

Physical Appearance:
   Small for his race, Kainin stands at only one ped two fores and a palmspan, and weighs in just over one pygge two hebs of wiry muscle. He has a once strong nose which has, after many street fights, taken a definite crookedness. Soft and clear barsa dusk eyes can hardly be seen behind the bangs of his shoulder-length aeruillin red hair, which have a tendency to fall forward from the ribbon that holds it back. Even when falling forward, his hair cannot hide his overly large round ears, which protrude from his lean, angular face. A jagged scar leads up from the right side of his square chin to the corner of his  thin lips and gives them the appearance of a half frown, despite the amount of time he spends smiling. He has tried to mask this scar with a beard but all growth comes in naturally patchy, giving his face a slightly misshapen look, so he now prefers to keep it clean shaven. Small scars also run the length of his arms and a few on his chest from years of knife fights. Most notable of these wounds are one to his left bicep running nearly the length of his upper arm, and another on his right pectoral from the inside of his nipple to his shoulder both about a palmspan in length. These scars are older but still cause him pain after any prolonged physical exertion. Both of these wounds were recieved in a knife fight after an attemted mugging in an alley

Wardrobe:
   Preferring to be as nondescript as possible, Kainin's normal garb consists of a long sleeve tunic of eophran brown. It has been reinforced on the inside with leather to act as a light armor in his frequent scuffles. Thick wool breeches of the same color brown are tucked into charcoal gray leather boots, that rise up to his upper calf. His coin pouch and one dagger hang down from a thin fabric belt that is cinched tight around his waist. This wardrobe is covered by a charcoal grey hooded cloak reaching nearly to his ankle and tied about his waist when he's cold, or he’s hiding in the shadows. While no part of his outfit would be deemed fine, all are well made and have an elegant cut that cannot quite be disguised by a thin layer of dust which accumulates from the unpaved roads in the poor section of the city.

Personality:
   Though garrulous and quick to smile, Kainin is a thief, and therefore rather pragmatic in doing few things without a price. He will not put himself at risk unless the gains are worth it. The one area he strays from this is with the guards and military of the region. He still harbors resentment towards them from the way he was treated by his father as a child, and later his rejection from the Voldar Guard when he applied for a position. This resentment has led him to occasionally taunt and harangue the Guard relying on their strict military restraint to avoid any physical conflict. But people being people, this has not always worked, and has caused a few unavoidable fights in which he’s has rarely gotten the upper hand.
    
   Despite his time as a beggar, Kainin has found a niche on the streets in which he is satisfied and enjoys the respect of his peers. He does not consider himself a criminal, but a misunderstood liberator of funds and small treasures, freeing them from their stuffy cages and returning them to the world or proper owners (i.e., himself or the paying client). He is insatiably curious and has often lingered longer in a victim's home than was necessary, searching for any hidden treasures they may have. That coupled with a certain brashness when it comes to underestimating the difficulties of a job, have led to some difficulties in his life.
   
   While he is not squeamish, he would prefer to avoid killing if at all possible, partly out of a natural revulsion and partly because dead people can’t be robbed more than once. Though he is not a natural leader, he still feels somewhat responsible for some of the urchins of Voldar's streets and will often help them out in exchange for small jobs, such as tailing a would be victim or watching a house.
   
   One other quirk of his is the habit of worrying the amulet that hangs around his neck. This and the constant movement of his hands are what earned him the moniker Fidget from his aunt, which he still prefers to be called to this day. He also has a slightly ironic sense of humor and is not above begging a rest break in the middle of a scuffle, this tactic has never worked but it doesn't keep him from trying. Being from the city he is unused to the discomforts of the wild. This may lead to minor grumbling about whatever situation he is in.

Strengths:
    Accomplished at pick pocketing and lock picking. These are the mainstays of his trade and he has spent a considerable amount of time over the last ten years perfecting these skills.
   
                Exceeds at both hand-to-hand and knife fighting. Learning these skills was necessary while living on the streets and without them he never would have survived.
   
                Medium ranged weapons. He has obtained a fair amount of skill with his seateeth but not enough to rely on them except as a last resort.
   
               Climbing ability. He has an affinity for heights and has no qualms about climbing them. This has been limited by the wound to his left arm but short distances can be handled with relative ease.
   
                Reading and writing. While no scholar, he can read a fair amount of common Aerpheriane and can write it to a limited extent as well. This has worked out well as some of his commissioned work has been for certain literary treasures and the occasional book keeping statement of rich merchants. This skill has put him in high demand in the seedier sections of Voldar.
   
                His small stature. This still causes him some difficulty in rough areas but it helps when it comes to small windows or the sudden need to disappear from sight.

Weaknesses:
   Disrespect for military and guard. His resentment shows up in his need to occasionally harass the authorities. This has caused some minor difficulties and a few major ones as evidenced by his crooked nose. Not a problem which will resolve itself over night, it is something he must overcome especially if any future companions fit into this category.
   
                Brash and curious. Both of these traits have led to more daring heists as Kainin has gotten older, nearly landing him in jail on numerous occasions.
   
                Nearly notorious. While his is not a household name he is known by the local authorities and after his last failed job has to keep his head down in and around Voldar.
   
                Target for thugs. His small size still makes him a target for common thugs and muggers. This also gives him a disadvantage in reach. Though he is athletic he is not exceptionally strong, relying on speed and experience instead.
   
               Previous wounds. Some of his old wounds to his chest and arms still cause him pain. This limits the amount of fighting or climbing he can do to relatively brief periods of time. The scar on his left bicep particularly causes him trouble, and has reduced the strength in his left arm making climbing more difficult than it used to be for him.

His Story:
He was born on the twenty sixth day of Changing Winds in a small homestead just outside of Westthron. Kainin was a premature child and this resulted in his small size and the death of his mother. Her death earned Kainin a large degree of hostility from his military father who loved her deeply and cursed the fate that swapped her for a runt of a son. Due to this near hatred Kainin lived with and was raised by his father's sister Kiera and her husband, along with their two older boys.

   Kainin was a happy child until about age seven, when it became apparent that he would always be a small person. This revelation was the final blow severing the tie between him and his father, who had hopes of his redemption in the military. It also earned him the ridicule of his peers, causing him to be left out of many of their games and activities. Being an outcast, he was torn between the need to be accepted and a desire to remain secluded. The only people he ever got close to as a child were his aunt, who nicknamed him Fidget, and Ruthven, her husband. Ruthven was an ex-mercenary captain who had traveled far and learned much. Around the age of ten Kainin began returning home with small cuts and bruises and Ruthven took him under his wing. He taught Kainin the basics of hand to hand combat to protect him from bullies, and the beginnings of reading and writing, which he had learned from a scholar who traveled with his company for a few years.

   Life continued in this way until the age of fourteen, when he became enamored of one of the local girls, Shayla. Knowing how he was viewed he kept his feelings mostly to himself for over a year, having to be content with daydreams and chance encounters. Shortly after his fifteenth birthday while walking through the woods he happened across Shayla and his older cousin Jared meeting under a tree. Getting close enough to hear them he realized that his romantic hopes were dashed forever. After sulking home and stewing over what he had seen he decided to confront his cousin, who had knowledge of Kainin's feelings. This encounter did not go well. Aside from being older and larger, Jared had already begun training with the local military contingent. Bloody and humiliated, Kainin decided to run away from home. After packing his few belongings and filching some food from his aunt's pantry he headed towards Voldar to become a guard. The only thing he brought with him as a reminder of home was a small eye-shaped amulet of bronze with a dark purquartz gem for the pupil.

   A week later, ragged and hungry, he arrived at the city and, he thought, his destiny. After cleaning up to the best of his ability he marched down to the nearest guard house to sign up. Once again his stature led to his profound embarrassment when he was laughed out of the building after being mistaken for a younger child. Still harboring a seething resentment for his home area, he refused to return and instead began to look for work, any work. This he also failed for the same reason. Being poor in a strange city he turned to begging on the streets, playing on his youthful stature to cause people to pity him. After six months of living like this one of the other urchins he was friendly with introduced him to Kelodin Tyranel, an arthritic old man who provided for a small gang of children. After learning Kainin's true age he revealed that he was a former thieves’ guild member, and began teaching him the art of pick pocketing using a man shaped dummy set with numerous bells. After a few years he moved him up to lock picking and began sending Kainin on bigger jobs involving roof walking. He also helped enhance Kainin's literary skill, believing that a thief should be able to at least read because you never knew when you could stumble across a valuable book.

   Four years after their meeting he began taking commissioned jobs that Kelodin arranged for him. The first of these was from a R‘unorian merchant who desired the book keeping statements of a rival's ship. As part of his payment he received two common R’unorian daggers and a sheath equipped with five seateeth. After Kelodin's death when Kainin was twenty he became the de facto leader of the small gang and held it together for nearly a year before it dissolved due to his lack of leadership skills. After this, though he continued to look out for the children when he could, Kainin was left at odds. Shortly after his little group parted ways Kainin was mugged in a back alley of the city. A knife fight resulted between Kainin and his two assailants where he recieved both of the wounds to his upper body after slipping on a pile of excrement. The first wound was to his chest and fairly minor being more of a slash than a stab. Distracted by the pain in his chest his gaurd let down and he recieved the second more severe slash across his upper left arm, while not enough to permanantly cripple the wound did it never healed properly and causes him pain to this day. Being to injured to continue the fight Kainin took flight back to his small room where he convoalesced for the next few months relying on his meager savings to survive.
   
             Life over the next four years became stale and he began taking more and more daring jobs. His last commission in Voldar was to steal the extensive jewelry collection of a prominent noble man's wife. According to the information that he was given, the family would be out of the city visiting their country manor. Unknown to his informant was the fact that the noble's wife had taken a supposed sudden illness and stayed home. While entering her room through the balcony window, he stumbled across her and her lover. The ensuing clamor brought the guards. Though Kainin made it back out the window he was pursued doggedly and could not safely return to his room. Knowing that he had been seen clearly in the moonlight and already having a past with the guards, he decided to flee the city and await a better chance to return. After a few miserable days in the country he managed to reenter the city and return to his small room. He is currently lying low and hoping that the interest in him wears off, but failing that is considering the prospects of relocating to another city.

Weapons:
   He carries a pair of R’unorian daggers, one belted on his right hip and one tucked into his right boot. A homemade blackjack consisting of a lead disk weighing one od two mut wrapped in leather and a stiffened leather handle. The blackjack hangs from a loop sewn into the inside of his cloak on the left side. He also carries but hardly uses five R’unorian seateeth in a sheath strapped to his left forearm and hidden under his sleeve.

Possessions:
   His coin pouch is tied to his belt on the left side. His amulet of tarnished bronze in the shape of an eye within a circle and a dark purquartz gem for the pupil remains tucked into his tunic when not in his hands. He has a set of lock picks carried in a hidden pocket within the folds of his cloak or, if not wearing his cloak, in a pocket on the inside of his tunic. He also carries a single pick sewn into the waistline of his breeches. If traveling he would also carry a small pack of leather and containing a number of small pockets to hold whatever loot he may come across. Inside holds a change of clothes in the same style of his normal wear, and a small flint with steel for starting fires
« Last Edit: June 10, 2009, 04:41:30 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

The I is lost in me, But I am ready to give you The M. It might even be the E.
As I begin to search for I, The I is lost in me."
               Anders Friden, In Flames

        Fidget's CD
Deklitch Hardin
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Posts: 1536


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2009, 06:32:59 PM »

Welcome to the dream, Fidget!

I've got a bit of time before dinner, so let's see what I can suggest regarding your CD.

My suggestions/qestions/corrections will be in red ... and I hope they are of some help to you ...

Name, Kainin Morreal,I think you can do without the , after his surname. aka “Fidget”   Male, 22 yrs old
Born in Westtron on the 26th day of the month of Changing Wind
Race, human      Tribe, Erpheronian
Occupation, sneak thief   Title, Midnight Opportunist
I believe each of these Name, Gender, Age, Race, Tribe, Occupation and Title need to be on separate lines. Name: etc is better than Name, etc IMHO ... but that is just a personal preference.

Appearance.
Height, 1 ped 2 fores space between fores and 1 1 palmspan.
Weight, 1 pygge 2 hebs and an od shy of a hafeb..If you are going with periods/full stops at the end of these, remove the second full stop/period. If not, remove both of them
Hair, Shoulder length Aeruillin red.    Eyes, Barsa dusk. Under the top few lines you don't end the line with a period/full stop ... here you are doing so ... please choose one or the other ... once again I think, Height: is better than Height,. The same comment as earlier with regards to Hair and Eyes.
   
   Overview, “Its not that I don’t believe in propriety but why do you need so much stuff when I have uses for it.“ The basic rule of life for this small Erpheronian thief whose shoulder length aeruillin red hair is stand out for its color in an otherwise unexceptional man. Dressed in  well cut  clothing of brown and grey  he none the less still looks slightly shabby from the dust of the poor section of Voldars streets. Wide barsa dusk eyes give him a childish look  that belie the composed professional that he is.
Overview needs to go before the Appearance section, as laid out in the Character creation link. Please consider making that change. I'm not sure, but it almost looks as though that appearance is mixed in with the overview. Was that intentional?
   
Small for his race, Kainin stands at only 1.7 peds, and weighing in at 1.24 of wiry muscle. I understand we aren't meant to be using decimals in CDs... but one of the mods might be able to say whether or not I'm correct in that.
The most remarkable feature of this young man is the plainness of his features, a slightly round face two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) is saved from boyish by a square jaw and angular nose. Soft barsa dusk eyes can hardly be seen beneath bangs that have a tendency to fall forward from the tie that holds his shoulder length aeruillin red hair back. His face is kept clean shaven ostensibly to make himself appear younger, but in truth because any growth comes in patchy and uneven giving him a slightly misshapen look.

Overall, I personally like your physical description ... just a question for you ... Fidget has no birthmarks or anything like that?

   This unremarkable (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) trend is to his (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) advantage and continued with his normal outfit of an eophran brown leather tunic and breeches with a thin belt of the same color and a charcoal hooded cloak and  soft leather  boots. While none of his clothes would be deem finery they all are well made and have an elegant cut to them that is  not  quite  hidden under a thin layer of dust.
The above paragraph needs to go in a sub section called clothing, I believe.

   Weapons  include a pair of R’unorian common daggers carried on the left side of his belt and in his right boot, and a small weighted blackjack worn in the small of his back. He also carries but rarely relies on, due to his mediocrity in the usage of, three well balanced throwing knives on a sheath hidden under the sleeve of his left fore arm which he continues to practice with when he can find an out of the way place.
    Other than a small coin pouch he owns small eye shaped amulet of bronze with a nor’sidian fragment as the pupil worn around his neck and tucked into his tunic when not worrying it, a set of (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) lock picks normally carried in a hidden pocket in his cloak and a single pick sewn into the inside of his breeches.
The above two paragraphs (particularly the R'unorian daggers) demonstrate that you have done your research into this world. Well done. For my own information, where did you find the information on the nor'sidian fragments?
The paragraphs on his equipment and weapons need to come later in your CD, after your history section.


     Personality,  Though having a pleasant disposition and quick to smile he is rather pragmatic (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) doing (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) few things with (lose the space between with and out, I think)out a price and not about to risk his precious skin if the gains are not worth it. The one area he strays from this is with the street urchins of Voldar which he will  go out of his way to protect or provide for if he can, maybe for (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) information or small jobs such as watching a house or tailing a would be victim. Not much of a leader he prefers rather to be on the sidelines.

(extra line space between paragraphs please)
He does not consider himself to be a criminal but rather a liberator of funds and small treasures (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) freeing them from their stuffy cages and bringing them to the world or “proper owners” i.e. himself or highest bidder. While not squeamish (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) he is adverse to the idea of drawing someone else’s blood without (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) being in jeopardy (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) himself and would rather use his blackjack if (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) nullifying a person is necessary (remove space bewtween necessary and period/full stop please). One other quirk is his habit of worrying about the amulet around his neck and the unconscious need to keep his hands busy which earned him the moniker “Fidget” by his aunt which he still prefers to be called to this day.

Strengths, An accomplished pickpocket safe cracker and lock picker help him with his chosen profession .
   Able at both hand to hand combat and knife fighting pulled him through the tough time as an adolescent (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) on the streets and even as he grew older in the city.
   Strong and lithe he is able to scale walls with marginal hand holds  and helps with evading pursuit from guards or gangs.
   His small stature (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) makes fitting in confined spaces more comfortable as well as helping him hide from pursuit.

Weaknesses, The aforementioned (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) unwillingness to draw blood in all but the most extreme circumstances has landed him in a few tight spots and nearly resulted in being caught by the authorities.
    A less than average swordsman and at best average marksman limits his ability to remain out of contact in a standup fight.
   His small stature while useful now was a source of ridicule as a child and hindered his efforts to join the Erpheronion dominated military, as well as making him a target for bullies and thugs.

His strengths and weaknesses look fine to me.

His Story,
 Born on the 26th day of Changing Wind in the town (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) of Westthron, Kainin was premature and his birth resulted in the death of his mother. His mother's death earned him a large degree of bitterness from his military (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) father Kovan who loved his wife deeply. He was mostly raise by his fathers sister,  along with his two older male cousins.
(Leave a space between paragraphs please)
   Kainin was a happy child until it became apparent around the age of 7 that he would always be a small person. This earned him ridicule from his peers and the deepening disappointment of his father, who had hope of him joining the military. Left out of many of the activities of other children Kainin was torn between the need to fit in and the desire to seclude himself. His only allies were his aunt  Kiera who considered him one of her own, and nicknamed him fidget for his constantly moving hands, and as he got older her well travelled husband Ruthven who knew that stature didn’t make the man . Fix this up, please. no space between man and period, space between period and Being. Being constantly bullied for his small size Kainin regularly returned home with scratches and small bruise until at age 10 his uncle stepped in and began teaching him the art of fighting dirty. Life continued in this way until the age of 14 when he became enamoured of one of the local girls Shayla, knowing how he was viewed he kept this feel in to himself for over a year having to be content with daydreams and chance encounters. Shortly after his 15th birthday Kainin was walking in the forest and spied Shayla and his cousin Jared (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) under a tree, getting close enough to hear he realized that hissremove 2nd 's' romantic fantasies were dashed forever. After sulking home and stewing over what he saw Kainin decided to confront his cousin who had prior knowledge of his feelings, needless to say this encounter did not go well and after returning home bloody in a fit of anger Kainin decided to run away. After packing a few belongings and filching some food from his aunt's pantry he set of toward Voldar to make a name for himself as a guard. The only tie to home that he kept (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) was a small bronze amulet of an eye with a nor’sidian gem for the pupil that was his mothers.
line space between paragraphs please.
   After a week on the road he arrived at the city hungry and ragged and after cleaning himself up to the best of his ability marched to the guard station to apply for a position. Once again his small size led to his profound (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) embarrassment (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) as he was laughed out of the building, (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) being mistaken for a much younger child. Too proud and harbouring a seething resentment of his family, he refused to return home and turned to finding another job but failed for the same reason of being mistook for a child. Being poor in a strange city Kainin turned to begging in the streets, playing on his youthful looks to earn him the money to survive. Six months later (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) one of the other street urchins introduced him to Kelodin Tyranel, an arthritic old man and provider for a small group of young children. I think this would be better with a full stop/period here, and After starting a new sentence. After hearing Kainin's story and learning his true age Kel revealed that he was a former member of the thieves' guild and began teaching Kainin (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) the art of pickpocket in using a practice dummy set with multiple bells.
(Line space between paragraphs please.
    Through the next 5 years Kainin became a proficient thief using the pick pocketing, lock picking, and safe cracking skills that Kel taught him, as well as his innate dexterity (two spaces here, please remove the 2nd space) to begin roof walking and breaking and entering. I think the previous sentence might do better as two sentences. I also wonder if the latter part of it should read "He began roof walking and breaking and entering" instead of "to begin roof walking and breaking and entering" After Kelodin's death, when Kainin was 20, he became the de facto leader and provider for the small gang and became known to the urchin community as a fair man. A year later due to his hesitation to be a leader the gang dissolved, though he continued to look out for the children he knew, Kainin was left at odds (space not needed between 'odds' and full stop/period). He continues to do freelance work and has survived until the current time…

This would be where the Weapons and Equipment sections would go for Fidget

I found this an enjoyable CD to read, and I hope you find my comments useful. Please ask if you need any clarification on any points raised, and as always, these comments above were just my thoughts on it.
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Seeking the truth, whatever the cost! - Deklitch Hardin, Elf Friend
Fidget
Acquirer of Fine Curios
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Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2009, 07:50:48 AM »

Thank you Deklitch for your insights. Sorry I know i'm horrible at the double spacing I try to catch it when I can. As to your question about the overview I thought the point was to paint a quick picture of your character. All changes regarding your comments have been made in purple. The green writing is changes that I had thought of and wanted to add so if you could tell me what you think of them that would be appreciated. As to your question on nor'sidian I couldnt find a gems page but saw a passing mention of it in the colors page
                    Thnx again.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2009, 08:18:22 AM by Fidget » Logged

The I is lost in me, But I am ready to give you The M. It might even be the E.
As I begin to search for I, The I is lost in me."
               Anders Friden, In Flames

        Fidget's CD
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2009, 08:22:15 AM »

Fidget, those two colours are possibly the most unreadable on the site. A change might be helpful. A link You might be able to find a few colours in this thread.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2009, 08:22:38 AM by Valan » Logged

Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
Fidget
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Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2009, 08:41:33 AM »

 I'd just noticed the same thing Valan. How about red for changes and orange for additions
Logged

The I is lost in me, But I am ready to give you The M. It might even be the E.
As I begin to search for I, The I is lost in me."
               Anders Friden, In Flames

        Fidget's CD
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2009, 09:02:40 AM »

Looks good Fidget (at least you spotted it)
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Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2009, 09:04:56 AM »

Deklitch, overview, gotcha i'm on it.
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The I is lost in me, But I am ready to give you The M. It might even be the E.
As I begin to search for I, The I is lost in me."
               Anders Friden, In Flames

        Fidget's CD
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2009, 03:19:48 AM »

One quick thing: Your title. I like it, though I think it might be a bit "long". What about 'trinkets' instead of 'commodities'?

Also, I changed the posticon to the "pencil" since you have some significant comments to take into account. Once you are finished editing, change back the posticon and let us know. :)
« Last Edit: May 22, 2009, 03:20:27 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
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« Reply #8 on: May 22, 2009, 04:03:45 AM »

Kalina, trinkets sounds rather unprofessional but I did shorten it. As to the comments I believe that everything has been addressed. Most of it was double spacing and layout not to mention my 'orrible choice of colors. If I am mistaken let me know and I will consider myself duly chastised
Logged

The I is lost in me, But I am ready to give you The M. It might even be the E.
As I begin to search for I, The I is lost in me."
               Anders Friden, In Flames

        Fidget's CD
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #9 on: May 22, 2009, 04:13:41 AM »

We are professionals? Lol

What you changed it to is fine. Just thought trinkets sounded cooler/neater is all, at least from the way your title flowed.
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« Reply #10 on: May 22, 2009, 04:27:43 AM »

Part of my comments to you may have been unclear, Fidget.

When I said 'Line space between paragraphs, please' in my review, I was meaning 'After you finish typing your paragraph, hit enter twice'. This breaks up your text a bit, and makes it easier for others to review it. At the moment, your history section just looks like one large block of text to me. (I know it isn't ... it is just the way it looks).

A bit of space between paragraphs would be greatly appreciated!

I hope that helps ... oh, and there is no need for you to feel chastised  Rolling
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« Reply #11 on: May 22, 2009, 04:32:19 AM »

I see what you mean w/ the history, about the overview I found some examples of what you talked about and I hope that works better.
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The I is lost in me, But I am ready to give you The M. It might even be the E.
As I begin to search for I, The I is lost in me."
               Anders Friden, In Flames

        Fidget's CD
Fidget
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« Reply #12 on: May 22, 2009, 05:10:44 AM »

Would using a dark fragment of purquartz instead of nor'sidian in the desciption of his amulet be too pretentious?
« Last Edit: May 22, 2009, 05:16:30 AM by Fidget » Logged

The I is lost in me, But I am ready to give you The M. It might even be the E.
As I begin to search for I, The I is lost in me."
               Anders Friden, In Flames

        Fidget's CD
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #13 on: May 22, 2009, 05:29:37 AM »

It'd probably be easier in fact. Quartz is usually more abundant than volcanic glass unless you live near a volcano.
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #14 on: May 22, 2009, 05:37:02 AM »

And so it is done.
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The I is lost in me, But I am ready to give you The M. It might even be the E.
As I begin to search for I, The I is lost in me."
               Anders Friden, In Flames

        Fidget's CD
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