Ph'ragh/Rhom-oc/Hunter

[Ph'ragh]

Name
Ph'ragh

Gender: Male

Age: 43

Race: Orc

Tribe: Rhom-oc

Occupation: Hunter

Title: Feral Vengeance

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores

Weight: 1 Pygge, 2Heb

Hair Colour: Norsidian

Eye Colour: Injohue

Overview

Ph'ragh is an orc who has lost everything in his life, and now is willing to give up his life for vengeance on the human race that has hurt him so.  Shunned by his own people, hunted by the humans who share his hostile environment, he is a renegade; an outlaw to be feared and avoided.  Desperate times invariably make desperate people, and Ph'ragh is one of those.

Physical Appearance

Size wise, Ph'ragh is not much other than average for a Rhom-oc orc.  Among his people he does not stand out, except for a bit more knotted muscle perhaps, built from years of living alone in conditions that would test the mettle of anyone in that position. In orc culture, he would be viewed as attractive, but in human terms, he has been described as almost noble looking.  His stare is hard and unyielding.  His jaw is often set firm, showing neither happiness or anger, and one would not be out of line to even wonder if he has feelings, so cool is his outward expression.

His body is covered in scars, from small spiderweb-like ones, to thick mounds of flesh, gained from everything from scratches received from picking alicott berries in the Gathorn Mountains, to sword and lance wounds received at the Battle of the Lake.  The worst of these is the near hole under his left shoulder, on his chest, where a lance nearly killed him.

His skin is a deep green colour, while his hair is norsidian and his eyes are injohue.  He is nearing the end of middle age for orcs, and his face is beset with wrinkles, exaggerated by the harsh weather conditions.  Only his eyes do not show the ravages of time and circumstance, shining brightly with intensity.

Clothing

Ph'ragh is dressed in typical orc clothing.  He wears trousers and a shirt of Tarandus deerskin.  Over this, he wears a large coat of wison hide.  His boots have an inner layer of deerskin, then an outer boot of wison leather.  Between these two layers is stuffed fur from his warg, or other freshly caught animals such as leapors, or simply grass if he needs to.  This adds insulation, that keeps him warm in the most brutal of northern winters.  Leather gloves and a deerskin hat complete the rustic outfit.

Personality

Ph'ragh is an orc that is filled with hate for humankind, in particular, the Remusians.  Once, he could have been considered honourable, but that term no longer applies to him.  He is a loner, preferring the company of himself and his warg to any other.  His only will to live is to kill humans.  And if death should come to him while doing this, then it will be a glorious death.

He is a hard man.  In his environment, there is no room for error, so he accepts none from others.  He trusts no one, and prefers the solitude of the Heaths.  Around his warg, he is almost earlily serene and friendly; it being a sharp contrast to the outward appearance he presents to others.  But, his wargs have always been the only ones who have never betrayed him or his ideals.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths

- Short bow.  Ph'ragh is quite adept with the short bow.  Like many of his tribe, he was trained in the use of one from the time he was young.  He has killed many types of animals for food, and has killed many humans, both in the war with the Remusians, and since that time.

-Knife.  Though not really a very effective weapon, Ph'ragh is quite skilled with the knife as a tool for skinning and preparing prey.  In a melee fight, the knife could, and would, be used as a last resort.

-Club.  Ph'ragh handles a large warclub quite effectively.  Trained since he was a child with this melee weapon, he used it quite a bit during the war, and in the years since.

-Warg.  Scya is a 5 year old warg that he acquired as a pup.  She hunts with him, and sometimes without him, bringing back her kills.  She serves as a mount for him, and as a fierce companion in battle.  Her acute sense of smell has more than once alerted him to danger long before he himself would have been aware of it.

-Self reliance.  Ph'ragh has become quite skilled at living in the heaths and mountains on his own.  His wilderness survival knowledge surpasses many of those who share his domain.  He can live off plants found in the area; knows how to hunt the local game; and can accurately predict the coming weather to the extent that anyone can.

Weaknesses

-Reputation.  Because of his many attacks on humans in the area, the Remusians have actively sought him out with the clear intent on executing him.  If they find him, they will kill him.

-Exile.  Though not officially exiled from any orc habitation, Ph'ragh is not overly welcomed there.  Many fear that him being there will bring reprisals from human searching for him.  Many do not wish the hostilities between the orcs and Remusians to flare up again, and worry that Ph'ragh will not cease until they are once again at war.

-Left arm.  A minor weakness at best, because he his naturally right handed, his left arm is not quite as strong as it used to be before he was wounded at the battle of the lake.  He has worked hard to build muscle on it though, and it only occasional bothers him, mostly in the morning, though more often the older he gets.

-Loner.  Though not a natural personality flaw, this weakness has come about due to necessity.  Not wanted by his own people, and hunted by humans has left him only comfortable when he is by himself, with only Scya as company.

History

Born and raised in the Heaths of Wilderon, he grew up living his life like any other orc.  This included learning to hunt, and following a nomadic lifestyle, while following differing herds, mostly wison, that crossed this large expanse.  All in all, it was a good life, if a tough one, that he had lived.  

Then, as for hundreds of years, the Rhom-ocs and the Remusian Ice Tribe people had fought for hunting land in the Heaths.  Ph'ragh honed his battle skills in many skirmishes that erupted from time to time.  His tactical acumen made him shine above others older than he, and he quickly grew into someone with whom respect was given, and then command.  He began leading raids on small Remusian nomadic settlements whenever he could.  He looked at it as war, but it still left a spot within him that felt a bit disheartened at the wasted life, both orcen and human.  But, it was necessary, else the Remusians, all of humankind in fact, would push them from their homeland.  He could not understand why these humans would so seemingly want his entire race exterminated.  No, in his mind, this was a fight against the genocide of his people.

In 1652, he took a wife, She'tah.  She was a fierce warrior in her own right, beautiful, and he loved her dearly, refusing to take on a second mate, as was his right to do so.  Together, they strengthened each other beyond what each would have been on their own.  It was the combination of his tactics and her fire that made them an unbeatable team in the skirmishes between them and the Remusian invaders, for that is what they saw the humans from the north.

Then in the summer of the next year, a general council was called and Ph'ragh was called to it.  The Rhom-oc orcs were uniting in their numbers to once again try to put an end to the Remusian threat once and for all.  Having grown up on tales of valiant battles and great heroes from the wars of old, Ph'ragh was eager to join, which suited the council, as they named him as a war captain.  It took a year to plan, gather the troops and equipment, and then set in motion the assault on the Remusian capitol of Remusiat.  

Of course, by his side was She'tah.  And much to Ph'ragh's chagrin, he found out that she was with child.  He, of course, tried to order her to return to the safety of the clan, but she would have none of it.  She implored on him to let her stay, as she had a dream that their child would grow up to be the mightiest warrior their clan had ever known, and would exterminate the Remusians, if while in her, he was drenched in the blood of their enemies.  With such a powerful portent as that, Ph'ragh was obliged to let her stay.

The siege was long and bloody.  It appeared as though the orcs were going to win, as the wall around the city fell, but the Remusian army was able to turn what appeared to be certain defeat into victory.  Disheartened, the orc army retreated, but the savage humans were not done and the cavalry followed them to a small lake.  There, it was a slaughter, as the remnants of the orc army were mowed down.  Wounded and left for dead, Ph'ragh could only watch helplessly as She'tah stood over his prone body and fought valiantly for him.  But, she was struck down.

She died, lying next to him, just mere nailbreadths from their hands being able to touch as she passed on.  Ph'ragh closed his eyes, determined to die right there beside her, but that is not what the gods had decreed for him.  He lay there for hours, the cold biting into him, until his warg, which had escaped during the final stages of the battle, returned.  The warg pulled him out from the pile of bodies he was under and he clawed his way onto the animal's back.

The next few days were a cloud of misery for him, as he blindly hung onto the animal by day, as it travelled.  At night, he would curl close to it for warmth.  And each day, the warg would hunt sometime before the injera rose, and he would share its kill, eating it raw.  He was never sure how long he survived like that, before they arrived at his clan, and he was taken in.  He was nursed to health, but he was never the same.

He could not help but see She'tah's vacant eyes staring at him, as they lay bleeding and dying there on the shores of that frozen lake.  From that day forward, his own life was meant for one purpose: revenge.  As he got well, he campaigned for a renewed effort against the Remusians, but the orcen leaders had enough blood spilled, and refused to form another army.  Infuriated, Ph'ragh left the clan, going out by himself into the heaths, taking with him only the warg that had saved his life.

He spent the first few years, travelling from clan to clan, trying to drum up support for a new army, but it was if this last war had taken the spirit from the entire orcen people.  Most were intent of trying to regain what they had lost during the war.  Ph'ragh was not content with this, however.  Those who had killed his beloved She'tah needed to pay in blood.

He then became a one man army.  Travelling the Heaths, the Gathorn Mountain range, and even as far north as the Frozen Wastes of Remusia, he would watch, study small groups of hunters, or better yet, lone travellers.  Then, when the opportunity presented itself, he would strike.  He became very adept at these hit and run type tactics.

Among the Remusians, he had learned he was referred to as the "Feral One", for his wild and bloodthirsty attacks.  Among his own people, if he really had any by now, he was known by some as Vengeance, as they knew the source of the hatred within him.  He was becoming as much myth as he was man.

Rarely now does he stay in any clan for more than a day or two.  There are orcs who would prefer that he was dead, as his raids have brought retaliation against several clans by the Remusians, especially the northern clans.  So, he chooses carefully the clans he exposes himself to, coming in only to trade furs for items of need.  Tools and weapons mostly, as he had become quite adept at surviving the brutal climate.  Every so often, he picks a warg pup to take with him, as the original warg had died of age, and two others had been killed from wounds inflicted during raids.  But, once he has what he needs, he leaves, and never offers his destination to others.  He trusts no one.

Weapons

Ph'ragh carries three weapons.  The first is his large orc war club.  A heavy piece of wood, with stones embedded on the killing end to give it an even more lethal blow.  The second is his simple wooden short bow.  With this, in a plain leather sleeve, is is set of arrows.  Lastly, he carries a small plain bone-handled knife.  It is made of Remusian steel, taken off a man he killed when he was young, his first kill.  It holds sentimental value to him.

Depending on the situation, Ph'ragh will adjust his fighting style.  Where possible, he prefers to ambush, using his bow to full advantage.  Other times, it serves him better to get in close and use both his formidable club and the viciousness of his warg.  Either way, the size of his target's party has as much influence on his choice of tactics as does the terrain.  Fear does not enter into his thought process at all, only hatred and the memory of his wife.

Belongings

He carries a leather backpack that holds everything in the world he owns.  This includes a necklace worn by his wife, made from a leather string threaded through a large winterbear tooth, some leather bags for cooking, and whatever rations he might have.  Ph'ragh lives hand to mouth in an environment that gives little spare items.  His need for speed, and nomadic lifestyle have him keeping very few belongings.

Familiars

Scya, a warg that has been with Ph'ragh for the last 5 years, is his only familiar.  She stands close to a ped and a half at the shoulders, is a little over 2 peds in length, and is covered in coarse thick black fur, with a grayish underbelly.  She weighs slightly more than a pygge and a half, making her somewhat on the larger side, and has piercing yellowish eyes.  Ph'ragh's eye for quality warg pups have always led him to picking pups that would grow up to be not only larger than normal, but smarter as well.  

Scya is fiercely loyal to her master, and the two are rarely separated for any great length of time.  They have formed a close bond between the two, being alone together for long periods of time.  She is adept at hunting prey, and has learned to share her kills with Ph'ragh as he does with her.  She also serves as a mount, being quite learned at following cues from his legs, or the occasional tug on her fur on her neck, as Ph'ragh uses no equipment in order to ride her.  She understands a few orcen commands, such as "Come" and "Lie down", but most of her commands are given through touch or hand signals.

Scya is not a shy animal.  She has never shown any hesitation when it has come to battles that Ph'ragh has led her into, despite having me wounded on more than one occasion.  A few hidden scars can be found if one was to search through her fur, and her left ear has mostly been removed from battle wounds.  Still, she is strong, and as long as she continues to be, Ph'ragh has no reason to get rid of her.

[Ph'ragh]

Please note that warg section is still incomplete, but comments welcome on the other bits.

[fionn]

Hi Ph'ragh, welcome to Santharia. I couldn't see any massive problems with this, but I thought I'd comment on a few minor things.

Name: Ph'ragh

Gender: Male

Age: 43

Race: Orc

Tribe: Rhom-oc

Occupation: Hunter

Title: Feral Vengeance

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores

Weight: 1Pygge, 2Heb

Hair Colour: Norsidian

Eye Colour: Injohue

Overview

Ph'ragh is an orc who has lost everything in his life, and now is willing to give up his life for vengeance on the human race that has hurt him so.  Shunned by his own people, hunted by the humans who share his hostile environment, he is a renegade; an outlaw to be feared and avoided.  Desperate times invariably make desperate people, and Ph'ragh is one of those.

Physical Appearance

Size wise, Ph'ragh is not much other than average for a Rhom-oc orc.  Among his people he does not stand out, except for a bit more knotted muscle perhaps, built from years of living alone in conditions that would test the mettle of anyone in that position. In orc culture, he would be viewed as attractive, but in human terms, he has been described as almost noble looking.  His stare is hard and unyielding.  His jaw is often set firm, showing neither happiness or anger, and one would not be out of line to even wonder if he has feelings, so cool is his outward expression.

skipping as nothing to comment on...

Clothing

Ph'ragh is dressed in typical orc clothing.  He wears trousers and a shirt of Tarandus deerskin.  Over this, a large coat of wison hide.  Boots have an inner layer of deerskin, then an outer boot of wison leather.  Between these is stuffed fur from his warg, or other freshly caught animals such as leapors, or simply grass is he needs to.  This adds insulation, that keeps him warm in the most brutal of northern winters.  Leather gloves and a deerskin hat complete the rustic outfit.

Personality

Ph'ragh is an orc that is filled with hate for humankind, in particular, the Remusians.  Once, he could have been considered honourable, but that term no longer applies to him.  He is a loner, preferring the company of himself and his warg to any other.  His only will to live is to kill humans.  And if death should come to him while doing this, then it will be a glorious death.

He is a hard man.  In his environment, there is no room for error, so he accepts none from others.  He trusts no one, and prefers the solitude of the Heaths.  Around his warg, he is almost earlily serene and friendly; it being a sharp contrast to the outward appearance he presents to others.  But, his wargs have always been the only ones who have never betrayed him or his ideals. Great, but this raises questions about how you're gona RP a character like this. humans are the most common race, and you're bound to come into contact with them quite frequently. I'm not saying you have to, by any means, but you might want to consider giving him, say, some motivation to talk to others, and to avoid attacking humans on sight, if only to make RPing easier and more interesting.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths

- short bow.  Ph'ragh is quite adept at< with the short bow.  Like many of his tribe, he was trained in the use of one from the time he was young.  He has killed many types of animals for food, and has killed many humans, both in the war with the Remusians, and since that time.

-knife.  Though not really a very effective weapon, Ph'ragh is quite skilled with the knife as a tool for skinning and preparing prey.  In a melee fight, the knife could, and would, be used as a last resort.

-club.  Ph'ragh handles a large warclub quite effectively.  Trained since he was a child with this melee weapon, he used it quite a bit during the war, and in the years since.
considering that your warg could potentially be quite a big strength, and that your weaknesses are maybe slightly less than your strengths at the minute, you could lump all your weapons skills into one strength - combat skills, something like that. that'd be a major skill, and would save you repeating yourself so much when you get to the weapons section.

-warg. Incomplete

-self reliance.  Ph'ragh has become quite skilled at living in the heaths and mountains on his own.  His wilderness survival knowledge surpasses many of those who share his domain.  He can live off plants found in the area; knows how to hunt the local game; and can accurately predict the coming weather to the extent that anyone can.

Weaknesses

-reputation.  Because of his many attacks on humans in the area, the Remusians have actively sought him out with the clear intent on executing him.  If they find him, they will kill him.

-exile.  Though not officially exiled from any orc habitation, Ph'ragh is not overly welcomed there.  Many fear that him being there will bring reprisals from human searching for him.  Many do not wish the hostilities between the orcs and Remusians to flare up again, and worry that Ph'ragh will not cease until they are once again at war.

-left arm.  A minor weakness at best, his left arm is not quite as strong as it used to be before he was wounded at the battle of the lake.  He has worked hard to build muscle on it though, and it only occasional bothers him, though more often the older he gets. Yeah, none of these weaknesses are quite serious enough to compensate for your strengths. consider adding another weakness, or emphasising your existing ones.

History

Born and raised in the Heaths of Wildernon, he grew up living his life like any other orc.  This included learning to hunt, and following a nomadic lifestyle, while following differing herds, mostly wison, that crossed this large expanse.  All in all, it was a good life, if not< remove?  a tough one, that he had lived. 

Then, as for hundreds of years, the Rhom-ocs and the Remusian Ice Tribe people had fought for hunting land in the Heaths.  And< remove Ph'ragh honed his battle skills in many skirmishes that erupted from time to time.  His tactical acumen made him shine above others older than he, and he quickly grew into someone with whom respect was given, and then command.  He began leading raids on small Remusian nomadic settlements whenever he could.  He looked at it as war, but it still left a spot within him that felt a bit disheartened at the wasted life, both orcen and human.  But, it was necessary, else the Remusians, all of humankind in fact, would push them from their homeland.  He could not understand why these humans would so seemingly want his entire race exterminated.  No, in his mind, this was a fight against the genocide of his people.

In 1652, he took a wife, She'tah.  She was a fierce warrior in her own right, beautiful, and he loved her dearly, refusing to take on a second mate, as was his right to do so.  Together, they strengthened each other beyond what each would have been on their own. It was the combination of his tactics and her fire that made them an unbeatable team in the skirmishes between them and the Remusian invaders, for that is what they saw the humans from the north.

Then in the summer of the next year, a general council was called and Ph'ragh was called to it.  The Rhom-oc orcs were uniting in their numbers to once again try to put an end to the Remusian threat once and for all.  Having grown up on tales of valiant battles and great heroes from the wars of old, Ph'ragh was eager to join, which suited the council, as they named him as a war captain.  It took a year to plan, gather the troops and equipment, and then set in motion the assault on the Remusian capitol of Remusiat. 

Of course, by his side was She'tah.  And much to Ph'ragh's chagrin, he found out that she was with child.  He, of course, tried to order her to return to the safety of the clan, but she would have none of it.  She implored on him to let her stay, as she had a dream that their child would grow up to be the mightiest warrior their clan had ever known, and would exterminate the Remusians, if while in her, he was drenched in the blood of their enemies.  With such a powerful portent as that, Ph'ragh was obliged to let her stay.

The siege was long and bloody.  It appeared as though the orcs were going to win, as the wall around the city fell, but the Remusian army was able to turn what appeared to be certain defeat into victory.  Disheartened, the orc army retreated, but the savage humans were not done and the cavalry followed them to a small lake.  There, it was a slaughter, as the remnants of the orc army were mowed down.  Wounded and left for dead, Ph'ragh could only watch helplessly as She'tah stood over his prone body and fought valiantly for him.  But, she was struck down.

She died, lying next to him, just mere nailbreadths from their hands being able to touch as she passed on.  Ph'ragh closed his eyes, determined to die right there beside her, but that is not what the gods had decreed for him.  He lay there for hours, the cold biting into him, until his warg, which had escaped during the final stages of the battle, returned.  The warg pulled him out from the pile of bodies he was under and he clawed his way onto the animal's back.

The next few days were a cloud of misery for him, as he blindly hung onto the animal by day, as it travelled.  At night, he would curl close to it for warmth.  And each day, the warg would hunt sometime before the injera rose, and he would share its kill, eating it raw.  He was never sure how long he survived like that, before they arrived at his clan, and he was taken in.  He was nursed to health, but he was never the same.

He could not help but see She'tah's vacant eyes staring at him, as they lay bleeding and dying there on the shores of that frozen lake.  From that day forward, his own life was meant for one purpose: revenge.  As he got well, he campaigned for a renewed effort against the Remusians, but the orcen leaders had enough blood spilled, and refused to form another army.  Infuriated, Ph'ragh left the clan, going out by himself into the heaths, taking with him only the warg that had saved his life. Name him/ her, please! I know, you're probably getting to this anyway, but please don't forget to add details into the history.

He spent the first few years, travelling from clan to clan, trying to drum up support for a new army, but it was if this last war had taken the spirit from the entire orcen people.  Most were intent of trying to regain what they had lost during the war.  Ph'ragh was not content with this, however.  Those who had killed his beloved She'tah needed to pay in blood.

He then became a one man army.  Travelling the Heaths, the Gathorn Mountain range, and even as far north as the Frozen Wastes of Remusia, he would watch, study small groups of hunters, or better yet, lone travellers.  Then, when the opportunity presented itself, he would strike.  He became very adept at these hit and run type tactics.

Among the Remusians, he had learned he was referred to as the "Feral One", for his wild and bloodthirsty attacks.  Among his own people, if he really had any by now, he was known by some as Vengeance, as they knew the source of the hatred within him.  He was becoming as much myth as he was man.

Rarely now does he stay in any clan for more than a day or two.  There are orcs who would prefer that he was dead, as his raids have brought retaliation against several clans by the Remusians, especially the northern clans.  So, he chooses carefully the clans he exposes himself to, coming in only to trade furs for items of need.  Tools and weapons mostly, as he had become quite adept at surviving the brutal climate.  Every so often, he picks a warg pup to take with him, as the original warg had died of age, and two others had been killed from wounds inflicted during raids.  But, once he has what he needs, he leaves, and never offers his destination to others.  He trusts no one. Again, this is going to make it very hard to RP.

Weapons

Ph'ragh carries three weapons.  The first is his large orc war club.  A heavy piece of wood, with stones embedded on the killing end to give it an even more lethal blow.  The second is his short bow.  With this, in a plain leather sleeve, is is set of arrows.  Lastly, he carries a small bonehandled knife.  It is made of Remusian steel, taken off a man he killed when he was young, his first kill.  It holds sentimental value to him. A little on his fighting style, which weapon he favours, etc. would be nice here.

Belongings

He carries a leather backpack that holds everything in the world he owns.  This includes a necklace worn by his wife, some leather bags for cooking, and whatever rations he might have.  Ph'ragh lives hand to mouth in an environment that gives little spare items.  His need for speed, and nomadic lifestyle have him keeping a spartan amount of belongings. Could you describe the necklace for us? Does he ride his warg? if so, he'll probably need tack/ a saddle, which you could describe here.

Familiars

Not complete as of yet

A very nice CD, I especially liked the history section - we get a real sense of the change he went through. As I said, those are very minor comments, this is a great start. I can't wait to see your Familiar section - I have a soft spot for wargs, and will be sure to give it a look see.

[Ph'ragh]

I would like to thank you, Fionn for commenting on my CD.  Minor grammatical and spelling changes are done but not coloured, while content changes have been made using the wondeful colour of red.

A few of the things I have not changed and will explain my reasoning as best I can:

Great, but this raises questions about how you're gona RP a character like this. humans are the most common race, and you're bound to come into contact with them quite frequently. I'm not saying you have to, by any means, but you might want to consider giving him, say, some motivation to talk to others, and to avoid attacking humans on sight, if only to make RPing easier and more interesting.

He is not a crazed senseless killer who kills on sight, but a logical, cunning hunter of humans.  In his environment, which is a large expanse of wilderness, he can kill those who are unprepared who happen to fall within his sphere on control.  If he were to enter a human settlement, which would be a rare thing, for most humans there would probably kill him on sight, he would be wise enough to restrain himself and his hatred.  As of yet, he has found no reason to put this to the test and enter a human settlement.

considering that your warg could potentially be quite a big strength, and that your weaknesses are maybe slightly less than your strengths at the minute, you could lump all your weapons skills into one strength - combat skills, something like that. that'd be a major skill, and would save you repeating yourself so much when you get to the weapons section.

For the most part, mods prefer weapon skills to be listed individually, as each weapon is a different strength.  So, for now I shall leave this as is.

Yeah, none of these weaknesses are quite serious enough to compensate for your strengths. consider adding another weakness, or emphasising your existing ones.

To survive in the hostile environment he's in, it would seem contrived to place a weakness in to only balance out the character.  Yes, he is unbalanced to the strength side, but he has to be.  To be a loner in that environment means that one has to be unbalanced.  Any weakness I might put in to balance him could conceivably be fatal to him, and that is not the case.  I could come up with a whole host of psychological problems, he's scared of the dark, etc, but it would look silly.  He is a master of his domain, and it costs him in the ways described.

Name him/ her, please! I know, you're probably getting to this anyway, but please don't forget to add details into the history.

This warg is not the same warg he has now.  His current warg I will name, as that will affect my RP of him, but this warg really doesn't need one.  It is a minor detail at best.

Does he ride his warg? if so, he'll probably need tack/ a saddle, which you could describe here.

In the familiar section, I will explain that he rides bareback, thus eliminating the need for tack.  He rides much like Native Americans used to, with his legs to direct so that he can use his bow while riding.

Also, as a precursor to my familiar section, I will warn everyone that it will not be a detailed section in so much that it looks like a mini CD for my pet.  My character is my priority, and I do not believe that I need to describe the personality of a pet that he has with him.  A warg is a warg, a horse is a horse.  The compendium has entries on these creatures that can give the overall aspects and abilities of the familiar.  Small idiosyncrasies can be played out during role play.


Finally, once again, Fionn I appreciate the comments given, to those I have incorporated and more so to the ones I have not.  Please do not feel offended by any arguments I might have given for holding to my own opinions in these situations.  All of your concerns have merit, and keep making them in future CD's, as not all will have the necessities this particular CD has in keeping them.

[fionn]

those are legitimate reasons not to incorporate comments, thanks for explaining though, it makes things easier. one of the points I was trying to make was that it's unlikely you'll be able to just RP in a certain area, such as, in this case, the wilderness - most of the RP threads take place in settlements such as towns and cities, and those that don't generally travel from one place to the other, passing through them. I was concerned you might be backing yourself into a corner by making a character who finds it very hard to function in such places, and to interact with others, or to get to such places at the start. As I said, I'm certainly not demanding you change your character, just warning you that it bears thinking about.

as for the strengths weaknesses thing, we tend not to make exceptions for that kind of thing - it's too easy to end up with an overpowered character who doesn't interact well with other characters. Lots of characters have harsh environments etc., but usually we can find atleast one major weakness to balance out the strengths they need to survive. the difference between your strengths and weaknessses is small, but I still think it could do with some rephrasing, at least.

if you've any questions, please ask and I'll be happy to help.

[Deklitch Hardin]

Hi and welcome from me too, Ph'ragh,

Regarding the strengths and weaknesses bit ... I've noticed that you've mentioned in his personality that he is a loner and that he trusts no one apart from himself and his Warg ... maybe a weakness called 'loner' or something along those lines might be a way for him to become more balanced?

I know you've got mentioned that he is an exile already under his weaknesses ... but I wonder if this loner thing might be able to fit in with that if you don't necessarily want to add in an additional weakness.

These are, of course, just thoughts/ideas/suggestions for you ... totally up to you whether you take them on or not.

[Ph'ragh]

Ok.  Added Warg stuff in my fave colour of Blue, and added the "loner" weakness (thanks Dek) in my edit colour red.

[Valan Nonesuch]

Ph'rag. That's green. My comments however, will be in blue. I'm not particularly expert when it comes to history or orcs, but i'll see what I can do for the rest.

Clothing
Ph'ragh is dressed in typical orc clothing.  He wears trousers and a shirt of Tarandus deerskin.  Over this, a large coat of wison hide.  Boots have an inner layer of deerskin, then an outer boot of wison leather.  Between these is stuffed fur from his warg, or other freshly caught animals such as leapors, or simply grass is he needs to.  This adds insulation, that keeps him warm in the most brutal of northern winters. <extra space needs removing Leather gloves and a deerskin hat complete the rustic outfit. Looks solid enough.

Personality
Ph'ragh is an orc that is filled with hate for humankind, in particular, the Remusians.  <extra spaceOnce, he could have been considered honourable, but that term no longer applies to him. Extra space> He is a loner, preferring the company of himself and his warg to any other.extra space>  His only will to live is to kill humans.extra space>  And if death should come to him while doing this, then it will be a glorious death.

He is a hard man.  In his environment, there is no room for error, so he accepts none from others.  He trusts no one, and prefers the solitude of the Heaths.  Around his warg, he is almost earlily serene and friendly; it being a sharp contrast to the outward appearance he presents to others.  But, his wargs have always been the only ones who have never betrayed him or his ideals.

Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths
- short bow.  Ph'ragh is quite adept with the short bow.  Like many of his tribe, he was trained in the use of one from the time he was young.  He has killed many types of animals for food, and has killed many humans, both in the war with the Remusians, and since that time.

-knife.  Though not really a very effective weapon, Ph'ragh is quite skilled with the knife as a tool for skinning and preparing prey.  In a melee fight, the knife could, and would, be used as a last resort.

-club.  Ph'ragh handles a large warclub quite effectively.  Trained since he was a child with this melee weapon, he used it quite a bit during the war, and in the years since.

-warg. Scya is a 5 year old warg that he acquired as a pup.  She hunts with him, and sometimes without him, bringing back her kills.  She serves as a mount for him, and as a fierce companion in battle.  Her acute sense of smell has more than once alerted him to danger long before he himself would have been aware of it.

-self reliance.  Ph'ragh has become quite skilled at living in the heaths and mountains on his own.  His wilderness survival knowledge surpasses many of those who share his domain.  He can live off plants found in the area; knows how to hunt the local game; and can accurately predict the coming weather to the extent that anyone can.

Weaknesses
-reputation.  Because of his many attacks on humans in the area, the Remusians have actively sought him out with the clear intent on executing him.  If they find him, they will kill him.

-exile.  Though not officially exiled from any orc habitation, Ph'ragh is not overly welcomed there.  Many fear that him being there will bring reprisals from human searching for him.  Many do not wish the hostilities between the orcs and Remusians to flare up again, and worry that Ph'ragh will not cease until they are once again at war.

-left arm.  A minor weakness at best, his left arm is not quite as strong as it used to be before he was wounded at the battle of the lake.  He has worked hard to build muscle on it though, and it only occasional bothers him, though more often the older he gets. Does the weather bother it at all? It seems to have been a rather grevious wound The other question I have would be with regards to handedness. This would be important if he shoots a bow, since a left handed bowman would be pulling back with the left arm, which might mean he can't shoot as far anymore, or swing his club as fast. They're minor but they might just be balancing factors.

-loner.  Though not a natural personality flaw, this weakness has come about due to necessity.  Not wanted by his own people, and hunted by humans has left him only comfortable when he is by himself, with only Scya as company. So... are we talking aversion to other people in general, despises them or what here. Can he simply not stand to be around other people because they don't like him, or he doesn't like them or is it just mutual dislike?
\\

Weapons
Ph'ragh carries three weapons.  The first is his large orc war club.  A heavy piece of wood, with stones embedded on the killing end to give it an even more lethal blow.  The second is his short bow.  With this, in a plain leather sleeve, is is set of arrows.  Lastly, he carries a small bonehandled knife.  It is made of Remusian steel, taken off a man he killed when he was young, his first kill.  It holds sentimental value to him.
I'd like a few more details on the bow, since this would determine what kind of a strength you'd have up at the top there. Specific wants here are draw weight, style (composite, recurved, etc.) and materials (bone, wood, metal). It's the little things that make all the difference. Is the handle of the knife plain, or carved up?

Depending on the situation, Ph'ragh will adjust his fighting style.  Where possible, he prefers to ambush, using his bow to full advantage.  Other times, it serves him better to get in close and use both his formidable club and the viciousness of his warg.  Either way, the size of his target's party has as much influence on his choice of tactics as does the terrain.  Fear does not enter into his thought process at all, only hatred and the memory of his wife.I like this particular bit. It seems thought out at least. I'd hate to have an angry orc on a warg running me down with a club personally.

Belongings
He carries a leather backpack that holds everything in the world he owns.  This includes a necklace worn by his wife, made from a leather string threaded through a large winterbear tooth, some leather bags for cooking, and whatever rations he might have.  Ph'ragh lives hand to mouth in an environment that gives little spare items.  His need for speed, and nomadic lifestyle have him keeping a spartan amount of belongings. It seems nitpicky but spartan doesn't quite seem to fit. I'm familiar with the meaning but it's a very specific connotation there. Sparse would work as well perhaps?

It would be easier to read without the double spaces, I'd recommend a quick toss into word to fix that up. As I said, I'm not familiar with orcs, so I can't help you much elsewhere, but I hope what I've tossed up here does help.

[Ph'ragh]

Edits complete.  Thank you all for the comments.

[Morden Peshirgolz]

Over this, a large coat of wison hide.  Boots have an inner layer of deerskin, then an outer boot of wison leather.  Between these is stuffed fur from his warg, or other freshly caught animals such as leapors, or simply grass is he needs to. 

These are a series of fragments, and are hard to follow. Smoothing it out would be very helpful, and the highlighted word does not make sense. It needs to be changed to "if" I think.

It would also look better if you capitalized the titles in your S&W, like so:

-Reputation.  Because of his many attacks on humans in the area, the Remusians have actively sought him out with the clear intent on executing him.  If they find him, they will kill him.

I know, I know, nit-picky. Forgive me anyway.

At this point I think you are overpowered. You have 3 weapons, a warg, and survival skills. The wilderness skills and the warg are pretty much basic to most orcs, especially Rhom-oc, but 3 weapons is a lot, in my opinion. Though I think you could and should keep them, you need another weakness to balance it out. Maybe increase the effect of that left arm problem? Just an idea, but you do need another weakness.

Born and raised in the Heaths of Wildernon, he grew up living his life like any other orc.

Erm, it's spelled "Wilderon".

Also, I'd like to know if this orc has ever come into contact with the Imlith dwarves, and what his views on them are. I know his main focus is on Remusians, but these orcs are also long-time enemies. It would be acceptable if he has simply lived so much of his life very far north that he has not come into contact with the dwarves much, but I would still like my curiousity satisfied.

And on a side note, I'm very interested to see what this character does in FD. Morden lost his entire family to the Rhom-oc, so if I ever meet this guy you'll have to watch out. A great job on this character, I look forward to seeing him played. Just fix the few things I've mentioned above, and you should be getting an approval from me.

Good luck!

[Ph'ragh]

Edits made Morden. 

I have left the S&W's as is.  I beg your indulgence on this matter, as:

A./ As you have guessed, Ph'ragh is going to be played in FD, and as such, he will be played 15 years younger, thus his wound won't even have happened yet.  (Which kinda takes the wonder out of what will happen to him as that story unfolds )

B./  If I increase the effects of his arm wound, it will decrease his use of the bow, which would make it nearly impossible to survive in his environment without the ability to hunt.

C./  You have my assurances that this character is not going to be played in any other story not taking place in Remusiat.

As far as the Imlith Mountains and the dwarves that dwell there, no, he lives near the foothills of the southern Gathorn Mountains, and thus may have heard stories of them, but does not know them himself.  And from what Altario has told me about the plot surrounding Ph'ragh, it seems that you may just get your wish at some point.  Be careful what you wish for; for it just may come true!

[Morden Peshirgolz]

Hmm...well you've been around the block a few times, so I trust you can play this character without being overpowered.

Alright, you have convinced me, so you have your First Approval!

*raucous cheers*

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

Looks good to me as well. I fixed up a few spelling errors, so go ahead and remove the color and I will title/archive ya ^.~

[Ph'ragh]

Thank you, and color removed. 

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

Titled and archived!

Advanced search

[Members]

Members Total Members: 2849 Latest: abigailjordan Stats Total Posts: 214569 Total Topics: 8052 Online Today: 51 Online Ever: 216 (November 30, 2006, 09:08:03 AM) Users Online Users: 0 Guests: 31 Total: 31

[Artimidor]

	Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream